Original subtitles

♪ Now big respect in every aspect to one massive and all the crew

♪ Remember, there is only one ruling selectah

♪ And it's The Bug

♪ And this is Tippa Irie sayin' dis

♪ A-ha!

♪ Now I tell you!

♪ Look on set! Boom!

♪ So many tings dat get mi angry and

♪ So many tings dat get mi mad

♪ So many things dat get mi angry

♪ And I gotta say

♪ So many things dat get mi angry

♪ And so many things that get mi mad.

♪ So many things dat get mi angry

♪ And I gotta say

♪ When I think bout Bush I think bout Blair

♪ Have my people livin' in fear

♪ Where deh every country they interfere

♪ And the suicide bomber dem everywhere

♪ And dem mashin' up our atmosphere

♪ The ozone layer, dey know it gone clear

♪ The people in Africa shed a likkle tear

♪ But it's funny how they just not goin' down there

♪ So many tings dat get mi angry and

♪ So many tings dat get mi mad

♪ So many tings dat get mi angry and

♪ I gotta say

♪ So many tings dat get mi angry and

♪ So many tings dat get mi mad... ♪

ANNOUNCER: Politics programme one - The Distribution Of Power.

VT-6T-24211.

Take one. No, I must say, it won't be

as if I'm coming out to completely new territory,

because I remember it since I was

so high. You know, I used to come up sort of riding holidays

in the Peak District and that. The last classical occasion

was I had a terrible hunting accident.

You are chairman of all the YCs in this...

No, I'm just chairman of one of the branches.

Oh, I see. Who's the chairman of the whole lot?

Is he here? I don't know.

But he obviously is the chap to work through, isn't he?

That's right. Yes.

How old are yours? Seven, five and two.

TANNOY: A vote for Lyle is a vote for Labour.

I ask for your support on March the 31st.

On March the 31st, I ask you to support the Labour Party.

This is Pat Lyle, your Labour candidate for this division.

I ask for your support.

PHONE RINGS

Financial restrictions. Well, can you get him for a minute?

Well, it's urgent, this. I can't tell you that.

I'm not allowed to disclose that.

We don't deal with that sort of thing.

Not available.

Now I'm completely defenceless, where are we going?

We're going in here.

How are you, young man?

Good evening.

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

After I had this conversation with Max, he said,

"What are you doing on Friday night?" I said, "I don't know."

He said, "Well, come down here

"and we'll go to this sort of film premiere."

I said, "OK, well, fine." So I came

down - he introduced me to this Katie Baring.

He said, "By the way, this is Katie Baring."

He said, "She's part of this banking family.

"We're going to sort of spread the line that you've been all over

"the world with her having a wild sort of passionate affair with her."

Um... And I was a bit stunned by all this at first.

I thought, "Hang on a minute." And then the next minute,

there it is, blasted on the front page of The Sun

that we'd been on sort of

exotic trips to Kenya and everything else.

Derek's a good example of the crossover. That's getting

a client involved with something which promotes them,

and maybe a couple of other clients at the same time.

Over there, we have an example of that,

which is a front page of The Sun, where Derek

was supposedly caught out at a London nightclub,

which I happened to be promoting at the time,

with a young lady, who was an aspiring actress,

who happened to be a distant cousin of Princess Di's.

The paper got their story, Derek had the publicity.

The club had the publicity, Katie Baring had the publicity.

So it was a three-way crossover.

You used... you used to make jackets for..

The Prince of Wales. Yeah, Charles and all that. Charlie.

And you used to write obscene things in the lining.

LAUGHTER

Uh, I did, actually, yeah.

LAUGHTER

I'm in Savile Row at

the top of this old building with a load of old tailors.

And when you first go into a tailoring apprenticeship,

they sit you on this bench with your legs crossed like this,

and you get the canvas and you start padding the canvas,

which makes the jacket. You know,

you sort of think you're going out your mind

and you start doodling on the canvas.

You're not going to see it

because it's between the fabric and the lining. Right.

So I just started doing... It just happened to be

Prince Charles's jacket I was working on at the time.

And so I draw this big willy on it.

LAUGHTER

Like you do. Sort of like swear words all over these people's jackets.

And, you know, there was one word - "I am a bleep" - on his chest.

So he might still be wearing it now, for all we know.

Actually, I did see him with it the other day.

It's a Prince of Wales

check, two-piece suit with double-breasted lapels.

It's good that he wears Prince of Wales check, though. Isn't it?

It's uncanny, that. It is.

LAUGHTER

Just showing Grandad my multi-effects processor.

Korg A5. And...

..here's one I made earlier.

PLAYS PROCESSED NOTES

That's the sound I made earlier.

Johnny is into heavy metal. Yeah, he's into heavy metal.

Yes. I keep trying to pull him back from heavy metal,

but Christian heavy metal. Not bad-words heavy metal.

Johnny's group's... What's your group going to be called,

Johnny, when you have it? Uh, 4D - Fourth Dimension.

Do you know why it's going to...?

Do you know why it's going to be called Fourth Dimension?

No. Um, 4D. Um, Christians believe it means love,

basically. It's God's love, other love.

Fourth Dimension? Mm-hm.

The fourth dimension in this world is supposed to be... It's time

and how it's affected by space

and physics and all that kind of jazz.

It's all to do with Einstein's theory.

That's complicated. But basically, fourth dimension is love.

To me.

PLAYS PROCESSED NOTES

APPLAUSE

STEPHEN HAWKING: It involves the use of what is called imaginary time.

The idea was at an imaginary time, the universe has no boundary,

no beginning nor end.

It just curls round on itself, like the surface of the Earth.

Without boundaries,

the universe has no beginning and no end.

We don't have to explain its creation -

the universe simply exists.

The really amazing thing is not

that life on Earth is balanced on a knife edge,

but that the entire universe is balanced on a knife edge.

You see, even if you dismiss mankind

as just a mere hiccup in the great scheme of things,

there's still the fact that the entire

universe seems unreasonably suited to the existence of life.

Almost contrived, we might say a put-up job.

If we nudge one of these constants just a few percent in one direction,

then stars burn out within a million years of their formation.

No time for evolution.

And if we nudge it just

a few percent in the other direction,

then no elements heavier than helium form.

So no carbon, no life, not even any chemistry,

no complexity at all. Atoms would be unstable.

There'd be no stars, no light, no warmth,

no structure at all. Just chaos.

Quite a lot of people take ecstasy... trips.

Uh... Speed. Speed. Whizz.

Charlie.

Like, everything. Yeah. INTERVIEWER: Say what you're on.

Um, I'm on... I'm on... I'm on speed, by the way.

I'm on speed as well. And half... half a... half a, um,

rhubarb and custard. And they're pretty good.

Pretty blinding. Yeah. Same.

Yeah. We're just having a great time.

It's just good. Good night out.

♪ I know that I'd go anywhere for your smile

♪ Anywhere for your smile

♪ Everywhere I'd see

♪ Would you lace my shoes?

♪ Anything

♪ Paint your face bright blue?

♪ Anything... ♪

Just relax. We'll do it all. No problems, no rush.

Just stand in comfort. OK. Don't give yourself a hard time,

no need.

She was no ordinary girl.

He was no ordinary boy.

And this is no ordinary story.

Tomorrow, only in The Sun,

the intimate confessions of Antonia de Sancha.

CAMERAS SNAP

Yes, we are selling our story. Of course, it's a story.

The whole world are interested in it.

And we've been offered a lot of money for it.

We are going through

enormous personal trauma through this story.

Because if he's making lies to the press to save his very old,

shabby face and reputation, he's going to be in very hot water.

VIDEO CASSETTE WHIRS

It's very important to me

that nobody judges me right now.

No matter what happens, at the end of the day...

By the time I finish making this,

doing my diary, no matter what happens, you don't judge me.

Because if you think you're judging me,

have a good look at yourself.

See if there's anything... If you had a camera on you...

..at every high and low...

..sort of a year or so...

..just think about what would happen,

what would be shown in your life.

It's not as easy as you think it is, you know.

Uh-uh.

PIANO PLAYS

M-I-R-R-O-R.

Mirror.

There was a time when I found they were very useful.

They still are, of course. I have to use them.

But it's a ghastly thing to look and see one's face,

what it is now and what you feel it should be, inside you.

Um...

One doesn't feel old, you know.

You get... I don't know what the age is...

..somewhere about 30 to 40.

And from then on, inside, you don't get any older,

but every time you look in that confounded mirror and see

what time has done, and age has done to your features,

your body, your hands, everything...

..that's what I dislike more than anything.

As a model, you're not supposed to...

Then... You're not supposed to have a voice, really.

In that kind of way.

But then, I don't want to choose.

I don't want to say I want my hair

like this or my make-up like this, because then it's not...

Then I'm not being creat... I want to become somebody else.

I don't want to say I want my hair like this, because then I'd be me.

It's nice to be able to be a canvas, to like

then become what they want you to become.

Even sadder. CAMERA SNAPS

Perfect.

That whole weird thing of, like, being known by people

you don't know, and they know everything about you,

or they think they do, and you don't know the first thing about them.

INTERVIEWER: Isn't that rather... hard?

You know, that's the job.

That's the... You know, that's the job, is to be...

You know, that's... To be on, I suppose.

BIG BEN CHIMES

BIG BEN STRIKES

And also a very special guest,

someone... I want you to make yourself feel at home here.

The chairman of Harrods, Mohamed Al-Fayed. Has it been a good day so far?

Wonderful, wonderful. We hope,

I think we're going to make £10 million a day.

Phew! £10 million a day? Today, £10 million

we start, and we have £100 million of goods and fantastic bargains.

Yeah, they put questions House of Commons.

If somebody put question against me,

they answer these questions and put also my side of the story.

You fight fire with fire, I told you.

INTERVIEWER: Did you pay them money? Of course, of course, of course.

How can they do the job for me? Of course.

Free? No. It's the people, you know.

Because they're trash of the trash, right?

This is the problem. And this is the people who are example.

The people elect and put in power.

It's just devastating.

You can't just see how great country like that,

with great history, with great civilisation.

You can just go find yourself ruled by a bunch of crooks.

And people have no moral, have no ethics, have nothing.

It is a direct result of

the diminishing of power of the Member of Parliament... today,

compared with 20 years ago.

There is an attitude that recognises that,

recognises they haven't got

the power that they used to have and says, "We've got

"to take commercial advantage and every other kind of advantage of

"the period that we are there." And the power's gone.

What else are you going to do?

How are you, darling? Nice to see you.

Nice to see you. You look brilliant. Look at it!

Look at the part, eh?

LAUGHTER

Oh, 'eck.

What's that?

CAMERMAN: Sideways. Oh, sorry.

LAUGHTER

Here. This way, Derek.

CAMERAS SNAP

Right round to your left, Derek. People are telling me

I'm going the other way.

And it's really happening here.

There you are. See? She comes out in a slinky sari.

Look at this. Watch this. This is dead dirty.

Look at this. Look at this.

LAUGHTER

It's amazing.

They always happen to travel down there.

And do you know when they want to censor a particular scene

in an Indian film, they bash two flowers together.

Come bash the two flowers together.

What? Come bash two flowers together

and show them how Indian censorship is done.

This is Indian censorship. This is when something's kissing

and canoodling in the bushes in an Indian film.

Or they show two flowers going... Two flowers going.

LAUGHTER

That's a kissy-pissy.

I like a man to be sensitive. Must be romantic.

If he's got a brain, it helps.

Because it's all right to go out with a man and have good sex,

but at some point you've got to talk.

Who you can have, you know, stimulating conversation with.

It's nice.

Normally, for a man, if you're into a relationship

and you have sex in various ways and positions...

..you can have sex,

but you can also bring yourself off later on,

and it will feel better.

A man, you're talking about? A man will, yeah. For some reason.

Are you telling me you can go home, you can have really good sex,

lovely jubbly, right? Yeah. You go home, watch a dirty film, have a wank,

and you're cool about it? It's nice, huh? Yeah.

Right. So let's cut the bullshit.

Only by that much.

Because the man's in control of it.

It's not the woman in control. It's the man in control.

If you use our own hand, yeah.

Yeah. The man knows what he wants.

Now, what exactly have we got here?

We've got 44,000 square feet, listed Grade II star.

Ah.

Here was a fine room that's been divided.

The cornice is not cut or disturbed...

No... so we can take those down and restore the room to its former size.

So this is fine. This'll work, so far.

So let's take a look upstairs and see if it...

INDISTINCT CHATTER

This is the almost inevitable result of distancing -

the staff on one side of the wire

and the patients on the other,

shut in a wire compound for most of the day

at Borocourt Mental Handicap Hospital, near Reading.

HE GROANS

Alfie's cuts and bruising are the result of neglect,

for these patients spend hours in this compound,

left to their own devices.

PATIENT WAILS

Well, then, what we have to do is take the buildings here,

both to the right and to the left of the pond... Yeah.

..together with this lot here, and try and incorporate that in

a planning application to demolish and relocate somewhere else

because the view from here has to be restored.

PHONE RINGS

Oh. Hello.

Yes. Have you got the completion date?

They've signed.

Completion is 28 days from today.

Oh, which one?

Hinwick.

Right, right. They've paid a full 10%. At 590?

And they've signed, yeah.

OK, thanks very much.

Yeah. Thank you. Bye.

28% above what we'd have been happy with.

Lot of money. Hmm.

Shows the way things are going.

AUDIO FROM PSYCHO PLAYS

HE WHISTLES

I just knew that he had something really special, very modern.

It was about sabotage and tradition, which is the perfect combination,

and beauty, violence.

He would do a black coat,

but then he'd line it with human hair and it was blood-red inside,

so it was like a body.

It was like the flesh with blood.

I don't want to vote, and the reason I don't want to vote is because

I don't think anybody, erm...

I don't think anybody can represent my viewpoint when they're

representing another thousand people's viewpoints, you know?

In the end, the only person's viewpoint they're going

to represent is their own.

We have done it, we have done it, we have done it!

I have lived to see the Berlin Wall going down.

I have lived to see Mr Mandela released from prison,

and I have lived to see my party, my Labour Party, sweep the floor.

I was at the centre last night and all we kept saying was,

"Sweep them out, sweep them out, sweep them out, get rid of them!"

and we have swept them out.

MUSIC: Whole Again by Atomic Kitten

♪ If you see me walking down the street

♪ Staring at the sky and dragging my two feet

♪ You just pass me by

♪ It still makes me cry

♪ But you can make me whole again... ♪

Come in.

♪ Looking back on when we first met

♪ I cannot escape and I cannot forget

♪ Baby, you're the one

♪ You still turn me on

♪ You can make me whole again... ♪

Come close.

Look at me.

You're not afraid of a woman

who has never seen the sun since you were born?

No.

Do you know what I touch... here?

Your heart.

Broken.

I sometimes have sick fancies.

And I have a fancy I should like to see someone play.

Play.

Play.

I will not shrink from the tough decisions needed to deliver

stability for long-term growth.

I have therefore decided to give the Bank of England

operational responsibility for setting interest rates,

with immediate effect.

WHIMSICAL, UPBEAT MUSIC

People come down and say, "Oh, doesn't that music drive you mad?"

It doesn't, for one way, I think it's cheerful,

but the other way is I can't really hear it.

I've been listening to it for four years

and I switch off to it.

The only time I remember that there's music on the ride

is when someone says to me, "Doesn't that drive you mad?" and I'm like...

It was the second day of showing and there was a queue.

Everybody went, scanned the model, and queued immediately to sign on.

And at the point of signing, you paid £25,000 deposit,

and it wasn't going to be completed, I don't remember now,

I think it was just over a year.

And you just saw this queue and you thought, "I want mine."

You know, because of the pool, the gym, the sauna,

the barbecue facility, floodlit tennis courts, that sort of thing.

It has all the yuppie connotations.

For hassle-free existence,

put the energies into making the money and enjoying yourself.

Come and live here.

CHATTER

So this is the only access, is it, up here?

This is the only access, which is important.

It has got large windows,

so you could sort of hoist things up with difficulty... Right.

..but I don't know what size your works are.

Well, you see, it's quite, sort of, three-dimensional, so...

What are your important considerations?

A lot of stairs are a problem.

Here we are.

Ooh, lovely.

Here, we declare an interest - we are actually the owners.

We'd be, if you're interested, we'd be your landlords.

Right. And, er, that would be as part of our investment portfolio

cos it's sort of next door to our offices. Yeah.

But we're asking 20,000 a year for this...

Right.

..till the building is occupied... SHE CHUCKLES

Yeah... which is sort of £400... a week.

Yeah, which is a lot of money, really, you know, for an artist.

A lot of artists aren't working around here cos they have been

shoved out cos they can't afford to be here any more.

Correct. That's the problem, isn't it? I mean, you know,

that is sort of the dynamics of economics, really.

They are moving further into the East End.

And, you know, as we go around,

I'll show you some opportunities out there.

OK. Good. It's all part of that sort of artist-culture thing, isn't it?

In your little garret and working away.

So Sinclair Trailers has definitely packed up?

This is not Sinclair Trailers?

No, not Sinclair Trailers at all.

Sinclair Trailers Limited went bust two years ago. Right.

Who is the person I'm meant to be after?

Well, you really want, I suppose, Mr Sinclair,

but he's in Italy at the moment.

Did you have anything to do with Mr Sinclair?

No. The businesses? No. No.

Not really. All right.

What for?

So?

I've been in one.

Why? Why should I?

Knobhead.

We live in Brantford,

a multicultural area - supposed to be -

and yet there are many people in Bradford

who don't see Bradford as their home,

they don't regard the United Kingdom as their home...

..but they enjoy the benefits that we have to offer.

Now, there are many within those communities

who cannot understand why we have this feeling

for our royal family.

Oh, Mr Hatton.

Have you got one of those watches?

It's like a Sekonda.

It's extremely accurate and shock-resistant...

..but it's made of solid gold and it costs six grand.

No, we haven't.

I have!

CHEERING

Like that, it's made of calfskin.

And then the horns, the impala horns.

Well, the Thomson's gazelle horns if you want to be straight.

Goes up like that.

So it's like we've cut the Thomson's gazelle in half.

And I don't know whether to have 'em out like that.

I prefer 'em like that, I think.

Maybe, sort of, like...

..sort of, like, surrounding her head type thing.

And I suppose you could class this as costume,

but it's costume with a deadly meaning,

so I'd like to see anyone who wears this

go on a number 19 bus back to Islington.

MUSIC: Witch Doktor by Armand Van Helden

Standing by, ready to go. Yes. OK.

Where's Russell?

Is he over there? Is he getting ready? Yeah, yeah.

Get into line.

See, what they can't get over is the fact that we went over

and ruled their countries.

Oh, yeah, we were swines,

there's no denying that,

but the countries were run a damn sight better

than they ever have been.

This is my first handbag, really, designer handbag that I ever bought.

It's a Fendi one.

It was about 160.

And the scary thing is I didn't even think twice about paying £160,

but, hey.

I've got a Valentino here.

I got that in Portugal. I went to Portugal for the New Year.

The most expensive one, I would say, is my Prada.

I bought this when me and Nicola went shopping to London.

Erm, I think it was about...

..160, 170.

So, now, it is that I'm being paid out of a sugar deal.

Out of a sugar deal?

Well, a sugar deal being done between India and China...

..and there's a lot of cash involved,

and I'm being paid out of that.

And once the Italians get their money... Mm-hm... and pay me,

I've got to pay these sugar people back.

Well, what's all the delay, then? And all that crap?

Well, the delay, you see, is if you look at the Italian deal... Mm-hm.

..there's the Irish bank involved,

Banca Popolare involved in Italy and what have you,

and the Federal Reserve.

There's the Bank of India involved,

Hong Kong and Shanghai banks involved,

and, you know, there's fucking banks involved everywhere.

Mm, mm. So, just pissing me off.

I don't believe, I don't see the focus group

as some marketing tool.

I see the focus group as a way of hearing

what the people have to say,

and I see the focus group as a way to a new form of politics.

What the people give, the people can take away.

We are the servants, they are the masters now.

1997 was, I think, fundamentally important in that.

I think it is the end, the end of the elitist politics

that's dominated Britain for so much of the last hundred years.

..morality of the way of thinking that produces the contrast

between the needs of the people and the interests of profit-making

that we see all around us, and some of which I have mentioned...

THUNDER RUMBLES

..but we can only do that,

we can only preach the morality of socialism...

THUNDER CRASHES

I'm just going to ask my chairman what one does at this point.

What shall I do? Go on.

Do I carry on? Yes.

Yes. Now, I hope you're all putting your macs on

and if you've got umbrellas that won't get in other people's eyes,

but I'm proposing to carry on,

but I'm in a lucky position, I'm not getting wet.

Within our universe, there are at least 100,000 million black holes,

and there could be all through the universe,

including in this room or indeed in my head,

and we wouldn't know anything about them.

STATIC CRACKLES

Shall I turn the page?

Oh, sweetheart, your head keeps falling forward. Come on.

Don't you say no to me.

Do you want me to scan down?

Now? Go down?

Hello, mate. Hello, Gerry. Any news? Yes, I have.

The first tranche of money... Yeah.

..is being transferred tomorrow,

the second tranche will be on Thursday, and the third and final

tranche will be on Monday the 17th.

Good.

And that's all been checked out this morning again.

Yeah. Right. It's coming from...

The only trouble is with it, it came from China into Hong Kong,

then it went into America,

back to Singapore, back to Hong Kong,

and then back to America, and across here.

Fucking hell.

So what he's been doing, whether they've been washing it or what,

I don't know. Yeah.

But as soon as I get it, mate, I'll be on to you.

What was it like, going through all this all over again?

Horrible, especially for the other people

who had been there a lot longer.

With us, we had just gone through it.

We knew what was going to happen, we knew what to expect.

They didn't have a clue.

It's like a roller-coaster, one knocking on another,

just going down like dominoes.

Place has just been wound down and sold off,

and it's just a desolated place.

It's slowly sinking in that there's nothing going to be done for us.

It looks like there's nothing at all going to be done for us

and we're just on the scrapheap.

We're gone.

You get people like the head of the Bank of England.

Didn't he say something along the lines,

it's an acceptable thing that, well, a sacrifice,

as long as it keeps other jobs down the south

and it keeps the pound going,

you know, keeps the interest rates sorted,

be an acceptable sacrifice?

Not in my eyes, it's not.

DISTANT CHATTER

All starting to arrive, all in high spirits.

They're very informal people, so it's just typical Stapleford.

It's really good.

I'm feeling much better today.

Really relaxed, very looking forward to it.

Yeah. It's such a relaxing place.

You come here and you feel relaxed, don't you?

It's all going to be nice from now on.

Let everybody just pamper us...

..and make the most of it.

All right, I'll speak to you when you come.

Cheers, mate.

That's my mate Kevin.

He's just bought the only two things left on the wedding list.

One of them's 500 quid. "Yeah, get that."

HE CHUCKLES

STATIC AND DISTORTED SPEECH

I understand that when you were growing up,

you believe that your father's telephone was hacked.

Erm...

Well, my father was a journalist, and he...

I used to receive, when I was quite young,

phone calls from a campaigning MP called Tam Dalyell,

and he was looking after the sinking of the Belgrano, and the fact

that maybe Maggie ordered that to be sunk

as a way to kick-start the war.

And, er... Yeah, I just remember my parents at the time saying,

you know, "We think our phone's being hacked," and I just...

What joy it was that, you know, in the '90s,

you can go to Maplin,

spend £50 on a scanner, and hack them back.

And do we really want to live in a world where the only people

who can do the hacking are MI5 and MI6,

and they should target us as journalists?

No. For a brief period of about 20 years,

we have actually lived in a free society, where we can hack back.

SHE SHOUTS

LOUD DANCE MUSIC

CHATTER

Spirit. We're going to have a fog, a mist,

which is going to fall slowly over the entrance,

and in this white space, on the wall, are going to be messages.

In the middle of this space, a question - "How shall I live?"

A whole zone with just a question, "How shall I live?"

seems, to put it mildly, an extravagant use of space.

It's a big question, Simon.

LAUGHTER But it's banal.

I think the question, "How shall I live?" is anything but banal.

In fact, I think it's the biggest single question, probably,

that's begged in the entire dome.

But rather than going for the iconic look,

we go for something like that,

then there's actually no advantage

in it coming down from above.

We can make it floor-supported. Yeah.

It looks like an immense book shelf.

Is it meant to look like a book shelf?

That's no good.

Oh, man, you didn't see Casualty Sunday, did you?

No. I'm dying to know what happened.

I was really getting into it last night and the tape went off.

And it was about a man who, erm...

He was having his house repossessed... Yeah.

..and he had a wife and two children,

a son of seven and a daughter of 16 months,

and he got a shotgun, and he decided the best way for all of 'em

was to shoot 'em all.

Oh! That's nice!

So he chased after his wife and he shot her in the shoulder.

We've now got companies going out of business

or having equipment standing

and people having to be made redundant.

Why do you think the water companies have cut back

on their sewage renewal programme?

HE SIGHS

Basically to enhance their balance sheet, their accounts.

They may have wanted to use the...

Their profit figures, in other words.

Well, their profit figures, yes, and to keep the share value up.

It's a help in the City.

Has someone gone up to get the bride?

Not that I'm aware of.

ROMANTIC MUSIC

..the promises you're about to make to each other.

Are you coping here?

You're sweating already.

LAUGHTER

Carry on. Stay with me.

LAUGHTER AND CHATTER

OK, OK, concentrate now.

Because we haven't got conviction ourselves,

saying, "Well, if we put the story, the literal story of Christianity

"along this wall, that'll keep them happy, and if we do this here,

"that'll keep them happy..."

No, hold on, Michael, I'm just asking,

can we hear again what I said?

We have a brief.

Can you see the flying creatures?

Oh, yes. So, Derek made it in the end, did he?

Derek made a good...

That's one zone out of 14.

But if that's one zone...

Ah, the spirit zone.

Can you get me Number 10?

It's the Prime Minister... OK.

Hello. Guess where I am?

I'm in the middle of the dome.

Oh, it's marvellous. Absolutely marvellous.

Oh, no, you'll think it's incredible. Believe me.

There's a zone with lots of emblems of Britain in it.

I suddenly saw a photograph of a plate of toad in the hole.

I loved toad in the hole when I was little.

I haven't had toad in the hole since I was probably six years old.

♪ There'll be times I find myself

♪ Thinking of committing some dreadful crime

♪ Yes, I've got many rivers to cross... ♪

Doesn't move me. Doesn't move you?

No.

I think it's a bit wallpapery, myself, if I'm absolutely honest.

Leaves me cold. Yeah, absolutely. Me too.

♪ If you're ready for me, boy

♪ You'd better push the button and let me know

♪ Before I get the wrong idea and go

♪ You're gonna miss the freak that I control

♪ I'm busy showing him what he's been missing

♪ I'm kind of showing off for his full attention

♪ My sexy butt has got him in a new dimension

♪ Ready to do something to relieve this mission

♪ After waiting patiently for him to come and get it

♪ He came on through and asked me if I wanted to get with him

♪ I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning

♪ Won't miss this opportunity so you and me could feel it cos

♪ If you're ready for me, boy

♪ You'd better push the button and let me know... ♪

Just say no.

Just say no.

I went to Tenerife about two years ago and I actually took 14 bags,

one for every day, to match all my different outfits.

I want a Chanel bag really desperately,

and I think I'll get one when I go to Milan in the summer

cos obviously they'll be just that bit cheaper.

The furthest I'm prepared to go to buy a handbag is New York.

Gucci, Gucci, Gucci, Gucci.

I'm going to take the lid off and let's see what's inside.

Very gently.

Margaret Thatcher's handbag is in this box.

There we go.

And here we are.

So, here is Margaret Thatcher's handbag.

When the conservator opened the handbag,

it had a very strong aroma of Margaret Thatcher's perfume.

Come on, Brett dog.

HE WHISTLES

So what you want is somebody who is prepared to invest in the business.

Yeah. Now, perhaps there is somebody with manufacturing capacity

who may understand the horse trailer business as well.

So you're saying I don't? No, I'm saying...

So you're saying I'm going to educate somebody else

to do it for me?

I'm saying, I'm saying... Well, why not? Why not?

What? Why not?

KEITH SCOFFS

Why? Why should I?

I know you think I'm a wanker because something's gone wrong

with the business... No, that's where you are very wrong... but I am very, very good at my job.

That's where you're very wrong, exceptionally wrong.

If I thought you was a wanker, you wouldn't be here now.

And I wouldn't be sitting here either.

Paul would not be here. Let me make that very clear.

If I thought you was a wanker, I wouldn't be supporting you,

I wouldn't be trying to help you.

What you want is not realistic.

No? No, it isn't.

Well, I don't want much out of this world, only a bit of peace,

so I want to go home now and let me dog out.

That was a waste of time. Yeah.

Who can you trust?

When there's money involved, who can you trust?

You can't, cos money rules everything.

HE WHISTLES

Brett! HE WHISTLES

WHIMSICAL, UPBEAT MUSIC

This year, I've heard bits that I've never heard before.

There's actually a little backbeat

to it that no-one else knows is there

and I sit there humming along to this backbeat,

and everyone's saying, "Well, that's not the music,"

but if you listen closely, it's actually there.

I only found that last...

..this year.

So, that's three years of listening to it, so...

But as you go around, people listen,

and then they actually play it out on the area now.

You know they have these little musical bins out there?

They've got the Toyland music coming out there,

so you can't even get away from it when you go out there now.

Er... MUSIC CONTINUES

You know this repetitive strain, stress thing that's about now?

I'll be surprised if somebody doesn't claim it for their hearing.

HE CHUCKLES

When you wake up in the middle of the night hearing the music,

it's time to pack up.

Oh...

MUSIC CONTINUES

♪ Some folks say he's crazy Some folks say he's mad

♪ Others say that it's the best deal that they've ever had. ♪

You know, the other stores in the UK think Crazy George is really crazy.

How come? Well, at Crazy George's, you can buy furnishings,

appliances and home entertainments, and the right...

RHYTHMIC CLAPPING

CHEERING

Together, we have come a long way since 1997,

but we have only just begun.

We will never lose sight of that ambition we all share

to right wrongs, to end injustices, to meet new needs,

to give life to our people's hopes,

the millions who share with us a faith and a belief

in something bigger than ourselves.

Together, as a party, as a country, under Tony Blair's leadership,

we can build the new Great Britain of great opportunity for all.

Join us - we have only just begun.

PA CHIMES

Housekeeper to reception, please. Housekeeper to reception.

I wanted to go piss all the time I've been in the ambulance...

Yeah, I know, John, but they're going to need a sample, honestly.

Yeah, well, you never know when you're going to get out of here.

Been up here so many times. Heh.

You know when you were in charge at HSBC?

No, I've no comment to make, I'm sorry.

Your bankers were helping people dodge tax.

Why did you let them do that?

As I think I've explained, I'm not prepared to make any comments

on HSBC's business, past or present.

I'm sorry. I know, but you sort of have to because, at the time,

you were on millions of pounds and yet the taxpayer was missing out

because of things that you were allowing to happen.

How can you defend that?

I'm sorry, I'm not prepared to make any comment on HSBC.

You need to talk to HSBC. I think you have to, sir.

Let me ask you another question.

After all that had gone on HSBC,

you then got promoted to the Government.

You must have been amazed.

You need to talk to HSBC. I'm sorry.

But do you think you, given what's happened at HSBC,

are a fit and proper person to sit in the Lords?

I'm sorry, as I said before, I think if you want to talk to HSBC

about their business, you must talk to them.

I'm not prepared,

I think it's inappropriate... But you were in charge, so why will

you not just tell us what you think? ..for me to make any comment about

the business of HSBC. But the people who watch our programme at Panorama,

they pay their taxes, and if they don't, they find themselves

in trouble, and your bank was helping people dodge tax.

I'm sorry, I think you need to talk to HSBC about...

One word, sir... these matters.

Any word?

Anything you can say that defends what happened?

No word.

HORSE GRUNTS

Come on.

Come on. We've been here 30 years, nearly. Come on.

Come on, come on, come on.

Get up. Come on.

Come on, come on, come on.

HORSE GRUNTS

Come on, come on.

He's not going to get up, is he?

No, he ain't going to get up.

He ain't going to get up with his feet there.

I think he's just worn out, isn't he? Yeah.

HE BREATHES TEARFULLY

Good boy, Scrubs.

Good boy.

I know.

I know, I know.

The Queen. Where? Where's the...?

Oh, there she is. There she is.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

At the time, up until at least the mid-'70s,

really felt that we were still living under the, er...

..or in the guise of a single and absolute created society

where there were known truths and known lies,

and there was no kind of duplicity or pluralism about the things

that we believed in.

That started to break down rapidly in the '70s,

and the idea of a duality in the way that we live,

in there are always two, three, four, five sides to every question,

the singularity disappeared and that, I believe,

has produced such a medium as the internet,

which absolutely establishes and shows us that we are living

in total fragmentation and that we have to become comfortable

with the idea because it's not going to go away.

It has been revealed that that's how we live - in chaos -

and we have to get used to it,

and understand it and work with it, and sort of surf it.

I don't think we've even seen the tip of the iceberg.

I think the potential of what the internet is going to do to society,

both good and bad, is unimaginable.

I think we're actually on the cusp of something

exhilarating and terrifying.

It's just a tool, though, isn't it?

No, it's not. No.

No, it's an alien life form.

♪ If our love song

♪ Can fly over mountains

♪ Can sail over heartaches

♪ Just like the films

♪ If there's reason

♪ To feel all the hard times

♪ To lay down the hard lines

♪ It's absolutely true

♪ Bop-bop-ba-ooo

♪ Bop-bop-ba-ooo

♪ Bop-bop-ba-ooo

♪ Bop-bop-ba-ooo

♪ Bop-bop-ba-ooo

♪ Bop-bop-ba-ooo

♪ Bop-bop-ba-ooo

♪ Bop-bop-ba-ooo

♪ Bop-bop-ba-ooo... ♪