Original subtitles

Every year, retailers lose $45 billion to shoplifters.

These women are caught on hidden camera and are prosecuted to the fullest

extent, all on video, only on Shoplifter MILF.

Come on in. Have a seat, please. Oh, my God. Is this so embarrassing?

Yeah, I'm going to need some further details.

First,

let's start off with your driver's license.

Take some pictures.

I don't have my ID with me.

You don't have a wallet?

It's in my car.

How were you planning on paying for anything if you didn't bring your wallet

I was going to try on the clothes first, see which fit me the best, and then go

back out to my car where my wallet most definitely is and come back in and buy

everything that I tried on.

Because most people do that kind of shit.

Yeah. Anyway, how about take a few mug shots?

What do you mean mug shots? I haven't stolen anything yet. You can't take that

unless you find anything.

Well, this is just standard procedure.

We get people's information, take a few pictures.

That way, down the road, if something develops, we can rule them out or call

them back in.

So if you wouldn't mind just facing me.

Are my kids going to see this?

I don't...

Not if you didn't do anything wrong.

Then I imagine time in jail, they will.

Did you say jail?

Well, if you're stealing from me, that's the options.

Okay.

I'll take the freaking photos. Fine. But it's hot.

So I'm just going to adjust myself and you tell me where to stand.

Do I smile or... Does this look like a smiling situation?

No. Okay.

Just stay on there, please.

Turn to the side. Oh, my God.

I feel really sick to my stomach. I think I'm going to throw up.

Okay. That's good. Thank you.

Oh, my God. Yeah.

All right. If you'd like to have a seat, I'll be right back.

Sure.

Please don't try anything stupid.

There's cameras all over this office.

Just stay there. Thank you.

Yeah. So if you wouldn't mind standing, please.

Mm -hmm.

Come over here.

What is that?

It's a wand. It checks for devices hidden on people. Oh, like, um... You

have seen this at the airport.

Mm, uh -huh.

Mm.

Mm.

How uncomfortable.

Oh, this is so awkward. I hate this.

See, I told you.

Excuse me. Mm -hmm.

What the hell?

I have a piercing down there.

Yes? Yeah.

Hmm.

Hmm.

That's my piercing.

Strange place for a piercing.

Back here, too?

I have a bra that has crystals on it.

Well, let's see.

Do you mind removing the clothes? I think we're going to have to do a strip

search. Did you just tell me to take off my clothes? Are you allowed to say

that? Yes.

Is there a supervisor around here? I am the supervisor.

It's either that or I call the cops.

So we can do this easy or we can do it the hard way. Oh, you said cops, right?

Yeah, the police.

What would happen if you called the cops?

I'd probably go to jail if I find something on you. So let's just do this

easy way. I've never been to jail.

Let's not make today a first. Come on.

And you're sure you're allowed to do this?

Might hand me your sweater.

Yeah.

See? Nothing there.

Just like I told you.

Get off.

What? Please, take it off.

I just did. No, everything.

Like... Obviously you don't have anything in your sweater, but... Naked?

Like naked naked.

Well, yeah.

Are you kidding me?

No, I'm not kidding.

What the fuck?

female security officer that I could have come in here? No, we don't.

You don't have a female security officer. You get, like, called, like,

branch and get one to come in. We don't get a lot of shoplifters, so... I didn't

shoplift.

And I'm a girl and you're a guy?

Hello? That's... so awkward.

You're sure you're... You're sure you're with the security department?

What do you think?

Do you think anybody could just walk in here?

Well, you're asking me to get butt naked in this office, so kind of I do, yeah.

Well, let's see if we can get you down to your underwear.

And we'll yell from there.

And what if I say no?

Then I'm calling the cops.

I don't have time for this.

No, okay, okay.

Fine,

fine.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine.

Like, naked naked.

There.

Keep going. Keep going.

That one buzzed around here, so keep going, please. More? Yes.

There are all kinds of things on.

No, I don't. All right.

It's wintertime and it is cold.

I have to wear layers.

All right. And that's what that is. Take it all off.

Take all of what off? I did. All the store's merchandise. Take it off. I took

off my skirt and I took off my sweater.

And you can pretty much see everything else is mine.

It's wintertime. Seven pairs of underwear. Come on.

Take it off. It's wintertime. I'm cold. Keep going.

I

don't

think praying is going to help in this situation.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

This is like harassment. You realize that, right?

No, it's not. There's no way this is a part of your job. It's a lot of

prevention.

There.

I did.

Everything is off. This is our merchandise.

Please take it off.

What is?

The underwear.

The bras.

This one is mine from home.

Why are you arguing with me? It's either this or call the cops.

Okay, fine.

I've obviously caught you red -handed.

Not exactly.

No.

Where are you going to send those pictures?

Police. Are you going to have them come here?

I thought you said if I got naked that you wouldn't call the police.

You're still wearing our merchandise.

These ours too?

These?

I don't think I really need any kind of help. Don't touch me.

Don't look.

Oh, I can't get this stupid thing off.

The others need to come off, too. Okay.

Let me do it.

I don't need your help. I'm a grown woman with three children.

So I know how to take off my clothes.

There.

Everything is gone.

So you know this is a terrible crime, and I'm going to have to call the cops.

Oh, my God. I thought you said if I took off my clothes, you wouldn't call the

cops. Well...

I need to search you a little further, so... Are you fucking kidding me? I have

nothing else on. This is my skin.

Well, I don't know where you can buy hiding things at this point. Well, it's

definitely not in my asshole.

Oh, my God. Are you kidding me?

Are you serious right now?

I mean, this is a serious crime.

And I need to fill out a report. I got to submit it to the police.

You're probably going to go to jail. Have you ever been to jail?

No.

You know how serious this is?

No.

I mean, we can press charges, and you can do some serious time, pay fines.

How much time?

Enough time to lose your kids.

You want that to happen?

Lose my kids?

Never have a job again? Oh, my God, they're my monkey ears.

Criminal record, everything.

Criminal record?

Yeah. Oh, my God.

I mean, shoplifting is a serious crime, and this is pretty stupid. This book

would definitely kick me out if I had a criminal record.

Why would you do something like this?

This place is little.

I didn't think anyone would really care, but...

Obviously, you have nothing better to do than to protect my store.

You seem like a smart, beautiful woman. Why would you do something as stupid as

this? Yeah, well, I guess I thought a man like you would let a smart,

woman do whatever the fuck she wants, but I guess I was wrong.

Well, not when it comes to breaking the law.

I didn't break the law.

Absolutely, you did. Only a little.

Only a little.

It's a little.

It's enough to put you in jail.

For how long?

Long enough.

Is that really what you want?

No.

I can't go to jail.

I'm too pretty for jail.

Look, I can't go to jail.

I mean, there has to be, like, something else that I can do.

I don't want to see you go to jail either, but... Can I just pay for it?

I think we're beyond paying for it. It's a little like a hundred bucks.

Well, why didn't you pay for it to begin with?

That is beyond any kind of explanation. It doesn't matter.

I mean, couldn't I, couldn't I, couldn't I, like, work at the store for, like, a

day?

Like, I don't know, like, greet people? So you could steal more of our shit?

I wouldn't steal anything.

Yeah, we can't hire thieves.

I mean, even if I was just like a greeter, I wouldn't even be near the

merchandise. I would just be saying hi to like customers.

I'm really good at that. I'm super outgoing. I've got a lot of really great

stories and stuff.

About how you steal from stores?

No.

About, oh, oh, like my workout routine and my diet.

Everybody loves that story.

If you had the money to pay for it, why didn't you do that to begin with? Oh,

stop.

Can't you do anything else?

Like, just... I have an idea. I could, like, call my husband or something like

that and have him come here and, like, pay for things.

Please. Couldn't I just do that?

Yeah, I think I'm going to have to call the cops unless we work something else

out. Oh, my God. Please don't call the cops. I can't. I really...

seem to comply with what I'm asking, so I guess I have to call the cops. I can

claim your car. Claim my car? Yeah, every employee's car.

Like, couldn't I just do... Like, that's worth money, right?

If you really want out of this, I have an idea.

Then what?

What is your idea? What is your solution?

If you're not going to hire me just for a day?

Let me sample this beautiful body.

What? Yeah.

Oh, my God. You're disgusting.

No. This is a better jail than what they'll do to you in jail.

There's no way you're an actual security guard.

Oh, yeah. There's no way.

I've been working here for years. No.

What the fuck?

So is stealing our merchandise.

True.

How much jail time?

Years.

Fines.

Loss of everything.

I... I really can't go to jail.

Come on. This won't take long.

What do you want, Bentley?

What? To what? Like, shine new shoes?

No. No, come on. No, what?

You've got kids, right? Husband?

Yeah. You got there some way.

So what do you want me to do? Get on my knees and do what?

Suck my dick.

Will you not touch me if I do?

What do you mean to touch you?

I mean when I'm sucking your dick.

I guess.

Okay.

Fine.

If you're not going to call the cops.

If it's going to make you not call the cops.

It's one of the two.

Fine.

I think we both don't want to involve the cops.

No.

Aren't you gonna take it out?

Oh my god.

This is really happening.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

That is a real penis.

Oh my god. What the fuck?

Just pretend it's Chris Evans.

Oh my god. I hate my life.

Shouldn't steal.

Why is it so warm?

No. That's enough, right?

Chris Evans dick.

It's just Chris Evans dick.

It's just Chris Evans dick.

This is the worst.

Is that good for you?

Yeah, keep going.

No, yeah

How much more do you want me to do? I've done this for like 20 minutes.

I'll let you know.

My God, I'm going to be here for the rest of my life. This is jail.

What do you want me to do?

Why?

Because. Because why? I thought I was just going to give you a blowjob. What

fuck is this?

What the fuck? What the fuck? You're okay.

No, you need to tell me. You need to tell me what you're doing. Like, what

fuck? What the fuck?

What the fuck? Seriously?

Told you I wanted your body.

are you doing no you're definitely doing something what are you doing oh

my god this is so not right this is so fucked up there's no way you're allowed

to do this

Almost done.

You don't have to touch me every time.

Does your wife know you do

this?

I taught you my kids not to steal.

Don't raise it in my house. I want you.

No.

Shit, kids.

Shit, father.

We've been doing this for like...

What do you want me?

You're disgusting.

I want you to know that.

Shut up.

Shut up.

You're so gross.

Fucking gross.

Don't do that.

How much longer are we going to do this for?

Well, I say so.

Will it stop if I say I had an orgasm?

Would you stop then?

Not till I do.

How long does it take you to orgasm, usually?

This is insane.

This is seriously insane.

My legs hurt and they're shaking.

I don't think I can do this that long.

This is so hard.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, freak.

I'm a fucking psychopath.

I probably get off on this fucking shit.

Accused girls of bank stealing.

so deep.

In terms of voice.

And I got to start over.

buddy.

I can't do this. I can't.

Ow.

That was insane.

You're caught.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

My face?

Could you at least done my tits?

Smile.

We address now.