Original subtitles

Start the clock.

Thank you so much.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. We've got a great show.

Sit down and I'll tell you all about it.

Okay, all right. I appreciate that.

Oh, thank you. There's so much going on.

I'm glad you're putting on a brave face. I know it's an exciting time because

the Super Bowl is Sunday.

No one's talking about the game.

It's all about the fucking halftime show.

Am I right? This is how divided this country is. Unbelievable. We can't even

have a halftime show we agree on.

Really, because Bad Bunny's doing the real one at the Super Bowl, but then

Nation's putting on their own alternative one.

Kid Rock is going to perform all his greatest hits and then shoot a case of

Stella Artois just because...

Just because it sounds scary.

Yeah,

oh, Bad Bunny? No bueno with that Trump crowd.

I mean, imagine being so offended at a Puerto Rican singing for 15 minutes that

you create an alternative halftime show. Man, it's a good thing that the only

people in the world who are snowflakes are liberals, huh?

But it is kind of that time of year on the calendar where there's something

every weekend. There's the Super Bowl, and we've got Valentine's Day coming up.

We had Groundhog Day.

That was Tuesday.

Great news.

Well, for some people, because they did see a shadow, so more snow. So great

news for the ski resorts. Terrible news for Chapel Rowan's tits.

Oh, and it's also Black History Month. To get things

picked off, the Trump administration today called

for a moment of indifference.

No, they did something much worse. Trump did a Roseanne.

Did you see this?

And shared a video.

of black people, you know, superimposed as apes, and the people were the Obamas.

I'm not going to show it because I don't want to give it any oxygen.

But the defense, I thought, from the administration was rather lame. They

he did not mean to hit share.

He meant to hit like.

Levitt, you know, she's a very loyal press spokesman, very loyal.

She said the president was just reposting a meme of him as the king of

jungle with Democrats as characters from The Lion King, as world leaders do.

Two things a little wrong with this one.

There are no apes in The Lion King.

Two, if it's a cartoon character, it's okay. That's a rule now. If it's a

cartoon, it's okay to do anything. So it's okay if somebody made a cartoon of

Elmer Fudd shooting Charlie Kirk. That would be okay. You fucking hypocrites.

You know... And I...

Carolyn Leavitt went on and she said, this is just a lot of fake outrage.

Fake outrage. Why don't you people in the press report on something that

to the American public?

You know, like the lawsuit Trump has going over a joke he didn't like at the

Emmys.

Well.

Yeah, I'm beginning to think this country's a little sleazy.

There's a new wrinkle.

in the Epstein case. Have you heard about this?

Okay, they got some surveillance. Why'd they have it now, six years later? Where

was this surveillance footage from the jail that Epstein killed himself in the

night right before he did kill himself,

or whatever happened in there?

The surveillance video shows an orange -colored shape. I swear to God, that's

what it says.

An orange -colored shape moving toward his cell. Now, I know what you're

thinking.

What's orange?

It has a reason to want Epstein dead.

Obviously, Hillary in a Trump costume.

I was thinking the same thing, Fred.

But this Epstein thing, man, the more you lift up this rock, the more you see

it's not just a few bugs that were crawling around under there. I mean,

remember for a long time, who's on the list? Who isn't on the list?

What these new emails show is they all lied. All these people who were saying,

we were never mad at them, we weren't there, didn't do anything.

All lied.

It's like Epstein Island is Hooters.

And the entire power structure of the world is saying, yeah, I was just there

for the wings.

This, and you sort of, the Bill Gates one. Now, I don't know if this is true.

This is a claim. We're not saying this is true. This is an, by the way, this

Epstein wrote an email to himself. I didn't even know that was a thing.

I've never, do you write emails to yourself?

I've never done, okay. Wrote an email to himself claiming that Bill Gates was

worried that he got an STD from one of the Russian girls, and he wanted Epstein

to hook him up with an antibiotic that could slip into his wife's coffee.

All the sleazy things I've ever heard, and of all the people, not to have

antivirus protection.

Oh,

we make

little jokes, all in good fun.

But there's another person in the Epstein files.

We saw this last week. We reported it. Elon Musk also got caught lying red

-handed. You know, first it was, I didn't want to go there. I said no, and

it turns out, when is the good party?

But maybe this is... Maybe why this is Elon seemed a little down this

week, because he tweeted out, whoever said money can't buy happiness really

knows what they're talking about.

On the upside, it can buy ketamine. All right, well, we've got a great show. We

have former Governor Chris Christie and former Deputy Prime Minister of Canada,

Christopher Leland. But first up, he is a rock and roll Hall of Fame singer

-songwriter. His 19 -day dancing world tour, The Greatest Hits, kicks off this

summer. The icon, John Mellencamp, is here.

Please, you'll give him a big head, and he already has a big head.

That's coming from him.

That's coming from him.

All right.

Actually, he's really funny.

Yeah, well.

Yeah. He used to be a comedian, right? Yeah, well, I'm going to give it a shot.

He used to be a comedian, right? Listen, we have only, yes, I remember you

coming to see me in Indiana.

And in Indiana, where it's pretty red.

You went over like... Yeah, people like to... Yeah. It's real, like you.

And I remember... And I remember... This has got to be at

least 10 years ago. And we took a picture after the show and we looked at

you went, who are these two old fucks?

Well, let me ask you a question. Yeah. Could you have ever imagined that you

would be your age still doing what you're doing?

Are you talking about the show or my social life?

I try to keep away from your social life.

I try to keep away from your social life. No, I just turned 70. So, like,

know, anytime... Anytime you're 70

and the headline isn't, he succumbed to...

But look who I'm talking to, the ultimate health nut.

I mean, you're about to go on this tour, so you're getting in shape for the

tour. We have to talk about the tour, but first I just want to show the video.

mean, we don't have to listen to it, but there you are on the treadmill,

smoking.

And I appreciate you not for the ten minutes we're out here, because I know

that's not easy for you.

So tell me about this, because when I saw that, it's not the typical way

thinks of being on the treadmill.

It's a joke.

Is it? It's a joke. Yes, of course. But I tell you, in the 80s, I'd be on

tour.

And back then, you know, smoking wasn't frowned upon.

No. But I would actually go into gyms and work out.

And then take a break and smoke and work out some more.

Well, you know, it's changed your voice. I mean, there's two yous in my iPod.

There's like the early you, John Cougar, and then John Cougar Mellencamp.

By the way, what was the story with Cougar? You changed it. They made you

that name. I forget what the deal was.

I was 21 years old, fresh out of college, fresh in New York.

And I went through the same manager that managed Main Man, managed

David Bowie, and it turned out that the girl behind the desk was from Indiana.

So it kind of gave me an in real quick, because I was just going to drop off a

fucking tape, you know.

And I thought that'd be it. But she...

I noticed I was from Indiana, so we talked about it. So immediately, I had a

meeting. I mean, I walked in cold, and I had a meeting, and next thing I know,

they're flying me back to New York, and then I make a demo tape that I thought

was a demo tape, and I walk in, and they had a picture, and they said, this is

the album cover, Johnny Cougar, and I went, no.

I mean, they gave you that name without even asking you? Oh, yeah.

But you obviously went along with it.

Here's my choices, Bill.

You can either go back to Indiana.

Yeah. Or you can be Johnny Cougar. I mean, I was pissed off. I got up and

out. I said, I'm not doing this.

Well, give this shit. Yeah.

Does it matter what your name is?

It matters.

Well, plainly it didn't. No, it did. It matters.

Why? You sold records as John Cougar. You sold records as John Cougar

Mellencamp. You sold records as John Mellencamp.

The songs were okay.

And the critics did not like it. They thought it was cornball. They liked Bad

Bunny. It's kind of a corny name. I mean, I don't have anything against the

but it is a funny name.

Yeah, almost all rock acts have funny names.

I mean, what are the Shondells?

Anyway.

Before we run out of time with what we do, we were together two hours

bullshitting like this on Wednesday.

Let's talk about what's important, which is that you were going back on tour and

you were playing all your hits. And we talked about this and I didn't

because when I saw you, I thought you were playing all hits anyway.

Like, I don't know anymore, like, what's a hit. When I was 12, I kept a survey.

I knew what was a hit. I just thought every song you did was great when I saw

you. But apparently, you were only playing a few of your big hits. And now

you're going to play all your hits. You said you haven't for 17 years. Why have

you been depriving us of playing the hits for 17 years? Well, let's, you

I am proud to say, and I'm the luckiest guy in the world, I have had, and I just

found this out today because I called my manager. I said, how many hit records

have I had? And I've had 46.

That's a very

long show you're going to do.

Two and a half hours.

Two and a half hours, but you can't get all 46 in there.

No, but there's some songs like, this time I think I'm really in love,

not going to make it.

Well, when I saw you, you played Jack and Diane, and you prefaced it by saying

to the audience, you know, I wrote this, it was kind of a toss -off, I didn't

think it was great, but people, we all still love it so much, that you said,

well, here it is, I'm going to have to play this. In the original writing of

Jack and Diane, Jack was black.

He was a black guy.

Not Jack Black.

Jack was black.

And what? What do you mean the original?

They'll tell me the record company got involved here, too.

Yes. Really?

Oh, yeah. Well, see, now that's a little different than just changing your name.

I know.

That's what I thought.

Right. That's what I thought. I didn't like it, and I actually didn't even want

to put it on the record after that happened.

However...

They tested it to a bunch of radio stations, and it tested really good. So

thought, well, you know, I can sacrifice a little bit here and there.

And where would you imagine Jack and Diane are today, 40 years later?

What is their life? What are they doing? My record company is making,

there's a Broadway show that's starting in Maine in a few

months. And it's called Small Town.

And it's the story of Jack and Diane.

And Diane... Yeah, it's a good idea.

And Diane is Mexican -American.

And Jack's dad is rich and is polluting the water in this small

town by his business. So it's not like, you know...

What do they call those things?

I don't know. Bad movies?

Shitty movies.

Okay, so, you know, the other iconic line, I mean, you have so many.

You fight authority and you never win.

That was always in my walk -in music when I was performing before the

would walk in. I wanted them to hear that. It sort of set the tone for what I

wanted to do.

But life goes on.

Long after the thrill is... Living is gone. Living is gone.

The things you write at 25, when you're then half a century down the road, I

mean, what do you think about with that? When you say, where was my head then,

and how much has that resonated with me now?

I'm not that smart.

I'm just not that smart.

Songs, you know...

What I found out is that I don't try to control the songs.

I don't sit there and go, I am going to write a song about Bill Maher.

Songs just come to you, and they're sent. I know this sounds screwed up to

audience and everybody, but it's true.

I'll be doing something, like, you know, painting. I'll be painting, and all of

a sudden I'll get an idea for a song, and I'll go, I don't want to. Not now.

I'm painting.

And then, and then.

It was like, well, fuck.

Then I'll throw my paintbrush down and go get my guitar, and I'll write what

I've done.

So I don't really, you know, I don't know what half the songs I've written

about. I do.

We were talking about this the other day. I remember them better than you do,

but that's okay.

You know what?

That's absolutely true. Him and I were talking, and he started saying lyrics to

me, and it was like, where'd you hear those at?

But I've made 36 albums. Yeah, yeah. I get it. That's a lot of money.

And, you know, this memory thing, it's not because of drugs. You

never did drugs. No. I mean, that was very rare in the music industry. I

done drugs since 1971.

Would you like to start?

No.

I mean, would I not like to start? You wouldn't like to start, because me on

whiskey and drugs... Well, yeah, I know.

Not good. A lot of fun. Not again.

Okay, so when you're writing a song, can you tell at the moment whether that's a

hit or not?

Sometimes.

Sometimes you can. I had a song.

called ROCK in the USA.

Oh, yeah.

And I hated it.

I just thought, this is fucking stupid and silly and awful.

So it's a true story, guys.

I didn't want to put it on the record, but I made the mistake. I never let the

record companies hear my records until I present them to them. Because they have

A &R people that want to come in and say, you need to do this, you need to do

that. And I always say, no, no, no. They don't even ask me anymore.

So anyway, I made the mistake of letting somebody hear ROCK, and they just went

nuts. They said, that's the number one record. Well, it's not going to be on

album because it didn't fit on the album.

Back when albums had like a theme and, you know.

So I arm wrestled the guy.

And we tied.

So I had to put it on the record. And you're going to play it on this tour.

yeah, yeah. Okay, that's what we're going to tell people. Every song is

be a hit record. You should go see the show.

I loved it.

Johnny boy, good luck out there.

I know I'll see you down the road again.

You keep chasing rainbows.

What are we doing?

What are we gonna do?

What are we doing?

So we call Indiana friendly.

We never had that in 23 years of this show. All right. He is a former

governor of New Jersey. He is now a political and legal contributor for ABC

News. Chris Christie back with you.

Thank you for making that plane.

I know it was not easy.

Good to be here, man. Okay. She's the former deputy prime minister and

of finance of Canada.

That great country, the Honorable Christopher Freeland.

How you doing?

Okay.

I'm going to begin tonight with an admission.

The most important story, I think, this week is Trump talking about how he

thinks the Republican Party should take over elections.

And we are going to talk about that.

And that should be first, because it's the most important. But because, A, I'm

ratings whore.

Only ratings?

Only ratings.

And also because this other issue, if we can call it that, I think will actually

have more effect on the elections. I do want to start with Epstein because it's

just you can't get away from it and you can't stop thinking about it. And I

thought since it is primarily about the abuse of women, you should just have the

first say on this and we won't say anything.

Wow. OK, thank you. I was actually going to insist on saying that if we didn't

talk about women. So thank you very much, Bill.

Yeah, it is.

There are so many aspects.

to what we've heard from all of these Epstein emails and texts and emails he

writes himself.

But at the end of the day, it is a terrible story about what rich,

powerful men, abetted by some women, do to vulnerable girls and young

women. And we have to remember that.

And it can be a little bit trendy right now to say, oh, you know, feminism, it

went too far.

Do we need to now worry about the boys? And I have a son, I worry about him.

But I think reading all of this horrible stuff should say to us, we need

feminism, we need to stand up for girls and young women.

For people who have not been...

Following it closely because it was a little fuzzy there for a while because

they released it and then there was more and then I thought it was out and it

was like, did you release it or didn't you? And they slow dragged it.

What's come out in like the last week or so has changed the story a lot for me.

Like I said, we turned over this rock.

It's not just a few bugs under there.

It's like, who isn't under there?

You're not in there. No.

Are there any Canadians in there?

This is what it's like.

I'm going to be married 40 years next year.

I know you don't apply that. No, no, I

do. This is what it's like to be married 40 years.

I'm not on there.

And my wife said to me,

how are you on there?

The moment of not being able to win on that argument is like, I don't know. I

didn't want to be.

But look, as a father of daughters, that's the way it struck me this week.

Right.

Well, you know, I have a 29 -year -old daughter and a 22 -year -old daughter.

And I think to myself, you know, this is why as fathers.

We have to be so supportive of our daughters so that their self -esteem

from inside them, not from any man or someone else who is trying to make them

something that they think then will make them more acceptable, more socially

acceptable, or whatever.

And when you see some of the guys that we all know, Bill, who are on this list,

and you think to yourself, you're rich, you're successful.

You're doing this?

Well, that's what I always said about this. I'm going to say it again. I said

from the beginning. If there's a guy who has a lot of money and you don't know

where the money comes from, he's a pimp.

That's what this is all about. It's not because he was a witty conversationalist

that they were hanging around him. He is a pussy whisperer.

All these men who have all the power in the world, they have the money, the

prestige, the influence, and they have zero clue how to get a woman into bed.

That's what this is about.

Concierge service for people on the spectrum.

And, you know, having known this, I have to also do a mea culpa to QAnon.

QAnon, okay? I'm big enough to say, QAnon, you are more right about this

admitted or lots of other people admitted.

QAnon, and see, I'm always trying to find the grand bargain.

You know, like, what can, I'm always trying to put something on the table

says, okay, this is where I'm wrong.

So how about something from you? So I'm going to do that tonight again, QAnon.

I'm going to say, you were more right about this.

But Democrats don't eat babies.

Give us that one.

Hillary didn't want a pedophile ring out of a pizza parlor.

Okay?

Yep. All right. I want to pick up on something that the governor said,

thought that was very true and moving what you said about your daughter.

I have two daughters. I thought about them.

All those girls and young women were someone's daughter.

And it is disgusting that really important, powerful, respected people

see them that way.

You know, the artist formerly known as Prince Andrew.

I look back on a clip of his getting ready for tonight when he was being

interviewed by the BBC and they said, you knew this guy had been a convicted

pedophile, you knew what he had been sent to jail for, yet you still went and

stayed with him at an apartment in New York. How do you explain that? And he

looked at the camera and said, it was a convenient place to stay.

And I think this gives a whole new definition of convenience, Bill.

You know, this guy and these men like him.

who believe they're entitled to that. And convenient is about being entitled

entitled to do whatever they want to do to these girls. The arrogance of not

even trying to hide it in the e -mails, that's what got to me about this. These

are guys using their real name and saying these things.

I mean, it's been a long time since we all learned if you don't want something

on the front page.

Don't put it in an email.

Don't put it in a text.

Everything is in the cloud.

They did not care.

And some of these people, these paragons of morale, now look, have powerful men

always been bad like this? I'm sure they have.

Genghis Khan, I'm sure, did his raping and pillaging.

But he wasn't a phony about it.

He didn't pretend he was a good guy, I would imagine.

Some of the people, Noam Chomsky, that was like the deal breaker for me.

Noam Chomsky, Deepak, Deepak Chopra.

Did you find me a cute Israeli?

He says. This is in an email.

And then they go on about it and just joke about it.

You know, how can you listen to this guy as a guru after this? I'm sorry, I'm

not trying to pick on him. I know him. He seems like a nice guy. But obviously

there's this other side to this Peter Attia guy who people watch him on 60

Minutes recently, this great guru of health. And he's saying some of the...

man. What?

Some of his stuff was like... I go into Jeffrey Epstein withdrawal when I don't

see him, he says. The problem with becoming friends with you, he says to

Epstein, the life you lead is so outrageous, and yet I can't tell a soul.

That's terrible.

But you know what? They're not nice guys.

Like, Bill, you can't do this and be a nice guy.

For nice guys, they have that moment when it's presented to them, they go, I

can't do that.

No way.

And these guys, whether it's Deepak or Noam or Peter or Tia, you know what?

They're engaged in this stuff. They're not nice guys. They're fakes.

Totally right.

But I think what it also says is feminists have a point.

This horrible, it's true though, like this horrible stuff is happening.

to young women and girls, and we have to make it unacceptable.

And we have to say, this is not okay.

And we have to make it possible for young women and

girls to live in the world without this horrible stuff happening to them. And

the people who do this need to be shamed, and they need to be punished.

I think a lot of these guys, Epstein was the pimp.

But that doesn't mean he was setting them up with someone who was underage.

himself was plainly with underage girls. Because you see this over and over

again. And so, to me, there's a couple of moral failings. One is just, you

being involved with this guy. The other is, over and over, you see in these

emails this kind of winkingness.

They joke about, you know, Jeffrey with his young kid. That girl you were with

last time was a little naughty.

You know, just as if it was the kind of things we would just kid each other

about, like, oh, Chris loves playing golf too much. You know, that kind of

stuff. And that, to me, is almost skeevier. Bring your harem.

Yeah, bring your harem. Bring your harem.

You know, that kind of stuff. No, you're right. It was like that funny comment

of John Mellencamp's where he was like, Yeah, I'm smoking on the treadmill.

It's a joke.

And this stuff is not a joke. No, it isn't. Okay.

Well, I read this week

that ICE is pulling out Minnesota a lot. It's a good segue.

Moving on to another topic. And there's been a lot of, well, I'm getting to the

segue that involves you.

It involves me. Yes, because I know you're the world's biggest Bruce

fan. Yeah. And he put out a protest record about ice.

Okay. It was called Streets of Minneapolis.

And a number of other people have done it. I'm not that familiar with some of

these other artists.

But what I found out is that, of course, in this country, just like with the

Super Bowl halftime show, nothing is ever.

on one side. So now there's certain artists, I don't know who they are, but

they're putting out some pro -ice songs.

It's not just, the bag is never going to leave anything unanswered. Would you

like to hear some of them?

Pro -ice songs, these are different songs.

For instance, there's I Will Always Shove You.

If I had a hammer, I'd use it to smash your windshield.

Where the streets have no shame.

I've gotten you under my chin.

I can't feel my face because you maced it.

Booked on a feeling.

Baby got sent back.

No longer working at the car wash.

Last week, I did a whole thing here at the end of the show about how

are not good for the Democratic Party. I think the Democrats should cut loose

their celebrities. I don't think they're helping.

I don't think people see them as relatable.

I don't think anyone people think knows about their problems, even when they're

always making political pronouncements. And then I watched the Grammys, and I

saw Justin Bieber singing in his underwear.

I saw Chapel Roan there holding her dress up with nipple clips, and I saw

Gaga singing with a lampshade on her head.

So I guess I was way off on that.

But apparently they did not hear me at the Grammys.

Billie Eilish, there's a big controversy this week. She said there's no illegals

on stolen land.

And she said, it's hard to know what to say, which I would say then don't say

anything because you don't know things. So you didn't go to school, I don't

think, and you don't know facts.

She said, keep fighting and protesting and speaking up. I totally agree with

that. She said, voices matter, people matter. And I would just say, so does

knowledge. And I mean, I would just like to know where, and this is especially

important for you because Canada has been facing this issue with indigenous

peoples.

And it can go beyond just the virtue signaling of saying something because

they're sort of taking it seriously now in Canada with repossessing land for

indigenous peoples.

What is the practical next step if you say that there's no such thing as...

illegal people on stolen land.

Okay, now, of course, immediately the people, the tribe here in California

for her house.

Which I thought was pretty great.

But what is the practical next step? This is my problem always with things

this from the left that are so performative.

Okay, even if we agreed with that stolen land, yes, lots of land is stolen, by

the way, not just here, but okay, so it is.

What do we do about that?

We give it all back and go back to living in teepees? What is the practical

step?

Well, look, Bill, what I would first say is in Canada, the situation is quite

different from the U .S., and the vast majority of the relationships between

indigenous people in Canada and the Crown are based on treaties, treaties

are legal documents, just like the land title I have to my house.

And so a treaty -based relationship is important to honor. It's important to

work with. And I think Canada has made a lot of progress there.

And where I would say the conversation has moved in Canada is towards

Indigenous prosperity.

And the fact is, which is a terrible fact, Indigenous people in Canada are

underclass. They go to jail more.

They're poorer.

They die younger. They suffer more from addiction. And Canadians, who are the

great people of the world, treated them like shit, just like everybody treated

everybody like shit.

Exactly, right? And that happened in the past.

And so what the focus— And we should acknowledge that and try to, in some

make reparations. Well, or what I would say is what we need, like certainly what

we've been working on in Canada and work that I did as finance minister is on

indigenous prosperity.

And so we created a $5 billion fund to support indigenous businesses working,

indigenous businesses building their own prosperity, their own sources of

wealth. And it actually works. So Keystone, the Keystone pipeline, the U

hasn't managed to build.

When I was finance minister, we built a pipeline, which is very important,

diversifying Canada's economy, giving us access to the Pacific so we're not as

dependent on the United States because you're not a very reliable boyfriend

right now.

And one of the reasons we were able to get that

pipeline built, which the government built and still owns, is because we

cooperated with all the indigenous people along the route.

So I would say make the conversation. I totally agree with you. Virtue signaling

is yucky. People hate it. What you said about people liking you in Indiana is

right because you're real. But so if you care about the plight of indigenous

people, then work to create economic conditions so they can prosper. I just

to refocus this back on what the real issue is. Like, what do we actually do?

Because let me read our friend David from he's from Canada on that.

He said, Canadians have learned that these well -meaning pronouncements are

in fact harmless.

Courts are reinterpreting these rote confessions of historical guilt as

enforceable. 800 acres south of downtown Vancouver must be subordinate to a

group of about 5 ,000 indigenous Canadians.

They're talking about the land underneath Canada's parliament

And the irony here is...

The value of this land has all gone down a lot because people are not sure

whether it's going to be theirs to own in the future.

Yeah, I mean, look, first off, back to what you started with, which is, you

know, these pronouncements from celebrities who, most of them, have not

the time to even understand the first degree subtlety to these issues, let

second or third degree subtlety,

has some of the problems it has because they latch themselves to these folks and

then nod their heads and agree when stupid stuff like Billie Eilish said at

the Grammys.

Two of my kids were home for the Grammys and forced me to watch this.

Did they tie you down? No,

they did the greatest thing you could ever do to a father. They took away the

remote control from me.

Took it from me and threw it back and forth to each other so that I couldn't

it back. So I had to watch Lady Gaga with the lampshade on and Bieber and

the Billie Eilish crap.

But the fact is that off Canada and to America for a minute on

this, you know, it's a complicated history.

OK, you know, people got screwed along the way. Yes, we agree with that. But if

what we're going to do today.

is say these pronouncements and then have no real solution behind that

pronouncement. It's all bullshit. It reminds me of... It's such bullshit.

It reminds me of what the Gaza protesters say, from the river to the

that means either all of the Israelis die, which a lot of them would like,

would be their choice, or they move.

All of Israel is going to move.

That's not going to happen. And Los Angeles is not going to move.

And we're not going to give back New Mexico. We have to deal with the future,

not just the past.

Okay. Can I say one small thing? Yes, please.

So, look, I think you're totally right.

And we also can't, like, I really don't want to be, like, the boring,

progressive Canadian tonight.

Okay. Okay, good.

And Indigenous people, although Canadians are in favor of both.

But, like, look, we progressives, we liberals, we can't present a vision of

countries that disenfranchises everybody.

We can't say to people, you're not allowed to have your house. Your house

stolen land. People then will not support us, and they will be right not

support us. But what really bugs me about this whole controversy is I

was powerful that some of those...

award winners at the Grammys did speak about ICE. And I agree with you broadly,

Bill, that celebrities should not be the leaders of political movements.

But I think it would have been wrong for them not to comment on this really

horrible thing happening. I agree to disagree.

Finally, like I promised, we need to get to this, the most important issue.

Trump said if they can't count the votes legally and honestly, then somebody

else. should take over. Like Tim.

Well, take over in 15 states. Let me guess which ones. The ones you lost?

First of all, you know, I'm the slow -moving cool guy. I'm the one who said

about him originally, okay, before he won the first election, okay? So I have

standing here. I think this is just another phase of this.

But I just want to know, you're a lawyer. You've been in government your

life. I don't even know what this means that the GOP should take over elections.

What does that actually mean?

view of my memory, maybe my dream of what an election is, is there observers

from both parties in the room when they're counting the votes? Okay, does

mean now no Democrats in that room? Is that what this means?

No, it means that once they're counted by both, then they get to recount them

case it doesn't work out the way they want to. I mean, look, it's ridiculous.

In my state, we have, in every county of our 21 counties, we have two

Republicans. and two Democrats in the room when every vote is being counted.

And, you know, the president said the other day, after all, states are just

agents of the federal government.

And I'm like, this is the most liberal guy I've ever seen.

I mean, you want to talk about a guy who has no philosophy at all. He's wearing

the Republican coat. But any real Republican would say, are you crazy?

This is not what we want.

We have states who have their own rights. And, you know, Article 1,

the Constitution says that the states run the election.

But that doesn't matter to him. He sent his director of national intelligence,

which I don't know what even has to do with this, down to Fulton County,

Georgia. That's the area, I guess, where the votes he thinks...

were miscounted. They were counted three times because, as we know, he called up

and said, I need you to fine vote.

I mean, to me, that was like the most smoking gun thing ever. And the last

by hand. They counted them all by hand. Three times they counted, but we're

going to count it until somebody gets it right.

Yeah, and look, he, we understand this, Bill, like about him.

This is all about his ego.

He can't, and look, I don't blame him.

I'd be pretty bummed out if I lost to Joe Biden, too.

But the fact is, he can't live with it. So he can't let it go. And he's going to

keep going and going and going. And what it does in the process, which any

responsible person would understand, is it makes people in the country think our

elections aren't on the level.

And that's the damage he's doing. But he doesn't give a shit about doing that

damage because all he wants to do is prove that every time he's in a contest,

wins. Every building he likes, he can name after himself.

Like, this is what he wants to do. And that's why he's not a good guy. Well,

there's only three more years.

All right. Time for new rules, everybody.

New rules.

Now that Dove is collaborating with the Netflix show Bridgerton to release a

line of body washes and deodorant, they must get real about what people actually

smelled like in 1813.

Which was piss, shit, horse, and other people.

You think a thin layer of chamomile could do that kind of heavy lifting?

Try a fire hose.

Just be thankful you can't smell the sex scenes.

Newell, now that heavyweight boxer Jerome Miller had his toupee knocked off

the middle of his fight with Kingsley Ebay at Madison Square Garden, boxing

must admit, that's new.

I mean...

I've seen the Real Housewives turn into a fight, but never a fight turn into the

Real Housewives.

We almost agree that when it comes to men doing the most perverted things, we

have a winner.

A hospital in France was evacuated last week after a man showed up with a World

War I artillery shell stuck up his butt, which to me...

answers the question, why haven't aliens made contact with us yet?

Because they just don't see us as a threat.

When their leader asks, should we be worried about the humans, the scouts

report, I don't think so. Some guy just shoved a bomb up his ass.

I'm sorry, this just in, we have a new perverted man winner.

A Florida man, of course, has been arrested for having sex with a

vacuum cleaner.

Dude, you could have been injured or suffered an electric shock.

Plus, there's nothing more annoying than when you're trying to fuck the vacuum

cleaner and the dog won't stop barking at it.

Someone must tell the president after he scolded CNN's Caitlin Collins for not

smiling enough, saying, I've known you for 10 years. I don't think I've ever

seen a smile on your face.

Don, for a guy who is such a player, you really should know that the number one

thing women hate is when you tell them to smile.

It's 6 -1 -0 -1.

And also...

She always smiles when she's on my show.

And finally, new rule, let's call Super Bowl Sunday what it really is, Super Bet

Sunday.

Because Major League Sports has become Wager League Sports.

Just to give you a couple of pertinent stats, 57 % of American adults report

doing some form of gambling now. And that's not counting having sex in a

with an abortion ban.

Half of men under 50 now have an active online sports betting account, which

explains why half of women listen to podcasts about wives murdering their

husbands.

Look, when it comes to issues of personal enjoyment, I'm a total

Some people want to ban football itself because there's so much brain damage.

But I say that risk has to be your choice if it's what you love to do.

Gambling also ruins lives.

Still got to be your choice.

But tonight, just for information's sake, I would like to take you through

how much things have changed with gambling in America.

When I was 20, there was literally one place you could do it, Nevada.

I know what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas is their motto, but not really.

shit got out, and now it's everywhere.

Which is weird, because this country was founded by Puritans who hated gambling

and banned it in 1631, along with adultery and cohabitating with Indians.

So if you had plans for the Mohegan Sun, forget it.

And that feeling that gambling was a dirty little vice

best kept in back alleys, that held for 300 years.

Until 1931, when Nevada legalized it. And even then, it was still considered

socially unacceptable, it took another 15 years before the mob opened the

Flamingo. In the 1950s, there was a hit musical called Guys and Dolls, about a

degenerate gambler, as all gamblers are degenerate.

Marlon Brando plays Sky Masterson, degenerate, because he would bet on

like which sugar cube a fly would land on.

Where the Lindys would sell more cheesecake or strudel. Crazy shit like

Well, now that's called polymarket.

It's the exact same thing.

You bet on anything.

Oscar winners, trial outcomes, when we bomb Iran, the weather, the color of the

Gatorade at the game.

How many minutes into halftime before ice grabs Big Bunny?

I mean, Bad Bunny.

Big bird.

Big bunny. Big bunny next year.

But let's go back to how we got here, because, okay.

First, no gambling for 300 years.

Then gambling in one place for another almost half century, until Atlantic

Vegas with seagulls.

But that was it. If you went broke in Vegas or Reno, you could try Atlantic

City, and if you lost your shirt there, you became president of the United

States.

But I

guess there's just something about a business where people give you

money for nothing that made it too hard to contain forever.

In 1964, New Hampshire became the first state where the politicians figured out

they could avoid raising taxes.

If they had a state lottery, and now 45 states have that, with the money often

promised to go to education, which is especially funny since it's mostly

by people who think, huh, 99 .99999 % chance of losing.

I like those odds.

In 1971, off -track betting was legalized for the first time, and now

states have that.

In 1988, Congress okayed gambling on reservations as reparations to Native

Americans, because what better way to make it up to the most spiritual people

earth than by giving them a piece of the sleaziest business ever.

But not just Indian lands.

Also, for some reason, in 1989, riverboats.

Riverboats, which never leave the dock.

Because gambling is a scourge of society, but when you do it on an old

boat with a steam paddle, it's fine.

It's fine. It's like when we all pretended we had glaucoma so we could

with a prescription.

And then came the big one in 2018.

The Supreme Court struck down the federal ban on sports betting. And then

bets were off. Or actually on.

Everywhere. Online, on your phone, before the game, during the game.

ESPN is just OTB now.

It's literally partnered with DraftKings.

Professional sports leagues used to be scared to death to go anywhere near

gambling. Now they have teams in Las Vegas.

Teams used to ban gamblers. Now Caesars Sportsbook is the official partner of

the New York Mets, which is crazy. Who would ever bet on the Mets?

So I got to ask, is this what we're doing now instead of having an actual

economy? I get it. Too many people feel that even cloying their way to the

middle class is impossible.

Forget fantasy football, owning a home, that's the real fantasy.

And yet, half of all millennials do own a home, and most of the gambling is done

by really young men, to whom I say, why don't you let life kick you in the ass

before you give up on it?

I'm sure that an afternoon doing scratch -offs at the gas station is a great way

to signal to women, I'm not marriage material, but... But it's not a

plan. Gambling isn't just bad because you lose the rent. It's bad because it

gives permission to stop believing that you control your destiny.

But this is still America, and you still do.

When I was in college and wanted money, I didn't gamble, I got a job.

Okay, it was selling drugs.

But at least I wasn't just leaving my future to chance.

That's not us. That's Eastern culture. I'm not putting it down, but it is more

fatalistic. In the Middle East, you can't say three words without someone

responding, if God wills it.

See you for lunch tomorrow. God willing.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Kismet. But this is why Macau.

does three times the gambling business that Vegas does.

It's why every movie with a foot face through Chinatown ends up in a basement

full of guys playing Mahjong.

It's why many Chinese restaurants have the word luck in their name. But that's

not us.

We're the we don't accept fate, we make it people.

Not the we're up all night to get lucky people.

All right, that's our show. I want to thank Chris Christie.

Mr. Freeland and John Melliceb. Club Random drops every Monday on YouTube or

listen wherever you get your podcasts.

Now go watch Overtime on YouTube. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.