Original subtitles

.

JUDE: A false messiah is a false messiah.

If the press found out about this...

This conversation is held in the strictest confidence.

RHONDA: Why am I even on a military base?

The President imposed a state of emergency.

I had a few legal issues back in the '80s

I was innocent, but I had to disappear.

JUDE: Jamie, I'm Father Jude.

Your father, Jude.

Mr President, I'm afraid Operation Saviour has failed.

The comet's still going to hit Earth, but we can't let the world know.

PRESIDENT: It gives me great pleasure to formally announce the unqualified success

of Operation Saviour.

JAMIE: Yep, it's the actual apocalypse.

And where am I? Deep under the suburbs of suburbia.

Watching it on telly.

NEWSREADER: (ON TV) One minute now, one minute.

Uh, these pictures coming live to us from Hubble.

JAMIE: And to think, just yesterday, we were so happy.

Planning for a future that didn't exist.

What fools we were.

NEWSREADER: (ON TV) Thank you all for watching.

I hope we'll meet again.

JAMIE: What fools!

RADIO HOST: Ah, come on, enough with the conspiracy theories, huh?

Just enjoy the party, pal.

The world's saved, end of story.

CALLER: Yeah, well, if everything's okay,

why hasn't the state of emergency been lifted?

Huh? And where are the Saviour scientists?

If I'd saved the world, I'd be expecting banquets at the White House.

And the President... Could we turn this off?

...why isn't he on the TV shutting this speculation down?

(GIRL GASPS)

I forgot my curling irons.

There are some in the bunker.

See, the First Lady's undergone the menopause, so

from a genetic perspective it makes sense.

You really don't have to explain, sir.

I understand perfectly.

Seven billion people going about their lives,

oblivious to what's in store.

Poor bastards.

CELINE: This report about Jude is all wrong.

It was not like this.

He was excited. Full of hope.

He'd just resigned from the priesthood.

And he was having a breakdown, Celine.

No, he was not.

He'd broken his vows.

Was wracked with guilt over your affair.

The fact is, he committed suicide.

The coroner found no evidence of foul play.

The important thing is you mustn't blame yourself for his death.

Now, fortunately the church takes a more tolerant view of suicide than it used to.

So we can still give him a proper burial.

No. I want his body back.

Sister Celine... Just Celine.

I am no longer a sister.

He was no longer a priest. And I do not wish for him to be buried here.

Then where will you go?

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

JAMIE: Up yours, comet, we won.

Dave, thoughts?

Hey. Yo! Greatest party ever. In the history of history!

Still got it, Mum.

So now we've got a future, what do you want to do?

Um, hang out with my dad!

(JAMIE LAUGHS)

Um, I'm gonna start again.

Do it right this time I promise. (CHUCKLES)

And what about you? What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna be the best husband.

And dad that I can be, and I'm gonna live and be more spontaneous!

MAN: Jamie! Phone.

Say again, I can't hear you!

Yes.

Okay.

Thank you.

LAYLA: You all right?

Yeah, um...

My dad died.

(FRANKIE PRACTISING FLUTE)

PAULA: I'm watching you, lady.

You think you can just swan back in here as if nothing's happened?

You lied to my son.

LAYLA: Yeah. So did you! You never told him he was adopted!

BOTH: Dave!

I can't help it, all right? I've got no depth perception.

Like I said, you're welcome to stay as long as you want.

You're part of the family now.

(DOOR OPENING)

(HORN BLARING)

Rise and shine, McNeil, you got a date.

What the hell's going on? I don't know.

I only found out about this an hour ago.

But you're prepared, right?

Okay, let's move this along. It's been a long night.

Next up. People v. Rhonda McNeil.

Your Honour, I'd like to move for a postponement.

With the comet now diverted, it's clear that the state of emergency

will be repealed any day now.

Motion denied.

Your Honour! Under Article 8

of the Emergency Measures Act, this case will be heard today, by me and me alone.

-(FLUTE PLAYING) -David...

-(PAULA AND DAVE SHOUTING) -A week in the honeymoon suite,

at the Cornbrook Hotel, Windsor.

Thank you.

There's too many people in this house.

And right now I just want to be with you and Frankie.

Just the three of us.

So, Windsor?

That's literally one town away.

It involves crossing a river. (CHUCKLES)

That's travel, right?

And besides, last time we went on holiday you disappeared for seven years.

Yeah. Okay, fair point.

Okay.

Frankie and I will pack our bags and head to Windsor.

You sure you don't want us to come to the funeral?

Yeah.

Frankie's too young.

And anyway, it's not that big a deal.

I hardly knew him.

I'm tired of being sad.

I just want a bit of happy.

General Gaines, I want to thank you for this.

And for your, uh, discretion.

I would like to commend you for the Medal of Honour.

You and your colleague.

Husband, sir.

Pardon?

Scotty is my husband.

Oh.

I see.

Well, I'm sure this must be difficult for you.

Um,

seeing as tomorrow...

Well, you know.

After you, Mr President.

Sir, I am truly sorry.

(SCREAMING)

You wanna die today or tomorrow?

.

PROSECUTOR: Taking a US Marshal hostage.

Taking a child hostage. Escaping from prison.

And all of this on top of hacking into the NSA?

Are those really the actions of a school librarian? No.

Facts.

Deus Ex sprung her from jail.

The leader of Deus Ex claims her as a member.

There's only one conclusion to draw.

That McNeil is an active member of this terrorist organisation.

And as such the State urges, Your Honour,

to impose the maximum possible sentence.

The State rests its case.

JUDGE: Does the defence have any witnesses to call?

(SCOFFS) Yes.

But we would need time to... Do you have them here, or don't you?

Well, no. We didn't know the hearing was today so... The defence rests its case.

What? That's it?

You've gotta be kidding me.

This is wrong. Silence!

I deserve a real trial. Counsel...

With a jury and a real judge! You will control your client!

He doesn't even got a hammer.

He doesn't even have the little judge hammer thing! Shut up!

This isn't helping!

Rhonda McNeil, by the powers vested in me

by the Emergency Measures Act,

I find you guilty of all charges.

I sentence you to death by hanging at midnight tonight.

Oh, hey. Are you here for Jude? Wrong funeral.

Go to hell.

(RECORDED CHOIR SINGING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

You all right?

Just got heckled by a pensioner.

I can't believe she was married to Jude.

Even the celibates are getting more action than me.

Can we talk about Layla?

(SPEAKS SOFTLY) Mum, we're at a funeral.

It's just I don't want you to jump back in too soon.

I can't believe that she's your step-mum.

I haven't got any mums, you've had, like, what, 12 in the last month?

How's that fair?

(GENESIS SURVIVORS CHATTERING)

SCOTTY: Ladies, please...

I know, let me explain.

I'm not staying here.

Listen, I, I understand that you are all very upset.

We were drugged and abducted!

We woke up in here to find out that, hey,

guess what? You're the future of the human race.

Here's a fridge full of sperm, enjoy yourselves.

So yeah, I think we have a right to be upset. WOMAN: Exactly.

Let us go, now.

Okay. If you

want to leave, then you're free to go.

WOMAN: What? (ALL MURMURING)

I wish that we hadn't abducted you.

Okay? If there'd been any other way without causing widespread panic,

believe me, we would have done it.

But there weren't any good options,

there were just bad ones.

You are here because we believe in you.

You fill us with hope that humanity can be better next time around.

And that hope has sustained us through some terrible things

that we had to do to get you here. Like what?

Shooting the President.

ALL: (WITH SHOCK) What?

I killed my own Commander in Chief. Why?

'Cause if he'd been in here we'd just have ended up

with the same crap all over again.

He wasn't fit to lead mankind into a new age.

I hope that you might be.

SCOTTY: Thank you for listening.

The door will be sealed behind us.

So if you do want to leave, now is your last chance.

(WOMEN CHATTERING)

Good luck.

SUTTON: It was just awful.

I mean, God knows I was a terrible mother,

but you shouldn't outlive your children.

Then to top it all off,

that little prick Ariel was there.

Love you, too, Grandma.

Your security system's a disgrace.

You should really get that looked at.

Oh, and that little prick wasn't me.

I'm guessing you just met Jamie.

SUTTON: Who the hell is...

Oh!

So Jamie is your twin.

No flies on you, are there?

Yet funny, isn't it? How long ago all of that feels.

You needing blood, me needing the bunker.

Still, now that none of us are going to die...

You've a nerve coming here.

Haven't I?

See, now that there's a future I've been thinking what it holds for me.

What kind of man will I be?

And the answer I've come up with is...

Rich.

And that's where you come in.

I'd like my inheritance now, please.

This amount, first day of every month, into this account.

After all, it'd be a terrible shame if the world

was to find out you're actually alive.

Now that there is a future, do you really want to spend it behind bars?

You're blackmailing me.

Oh, how adorably old-fashioned!

Molby, take care of him.

You really think I came without an insurance policy?

I'm sure you'll be keen to avoid my little website going live.

It's just a bunch of photos, videos, maps.

You know, stuff lawyers might call "evidence."

It automatically goes live unless I enter a code every 12 hours.

So by all means, kill me, seal your fate.

(CHUCKLES) You know, in another life

I would have rather liked you.

You'll get your money.

But if I ever see your face again, I will have you killed.

Take your clothes off.

You wear this now.

(DOOR CLOSING)

(PRISONERS SHOUTING)

(DOOR OPENING)

MAN: Watch your fingers, gentlemen, this one's a biter!

Get yourself a tetanus shot after that.

(MUFFLED STRAINING)

(MOANING)

(SCREAMING)

Oh, hey, hon. Have you lost weight?

GAINES: What a view.

(SPEAKS SOFTLY) I mean, that's beautiful. Isn't it?

How lucky I am to have had you in my life.

We just shot the President. Shouldn't you be

having a nervous breakdown?

Yeah. (LAUGHS)

Wow.

All right, let's do it.

You sure about this?

'Cause once I hit send...

The world falls apart.

I know.

Everybody has the right to say goodbye.

Yeah.

Apologies again for the...

Sloughness of the wake.

It's fitting. He would have liked it.

To Jude.

ALL: To Jude. NEWSCASTER: Okay, we're

going to interrupt here, as we've got disturbing news

breaking out of America.

This tape was released just a couple of minutes ago.

My name is General Gaines.

I was the commanding officer

responsible for Operation Saviour.

It's with great regret that I must now discharge my final duty,

and inform you

that Operation Saviour did, in fact, fail.

Contrary to what you were told,

the comet was not sufficiently diverted from its course,

and will strike the Earth tomorrow

at 3:49 a.m. Eastern.

That's 8:49 a.m.

Greenwich Mean Time. No!

No!

No!

Although this will come as little comfort, I want you to know

that plans are in place to ensure the survival of the human race.

No one involved in this cover-up has used it

to ensure their own survival.

The President of the United States is dead.

I, too, will perish with you.

I accept full responsibility for my actions.

JAMIE: No, stay there,

I'll come get you. GAINES: Lying to you was wrong.

Layla? GAINES: It was done for the right reasons

and I stand by my decisions. Bollocks!

LAYLA: Jamie? Like you, I am afraid.

Jamie? And like you,

I intend to spend what time I have... It's okay.

...with the people I love. It's okay. Daddy's coming.

I hope you can find some solace in these, our final hours.

I wish you good luck.

Larsson? May the road rise to meet you.

Bring in the other kids.

You, prep the bunker.

Do what you can with what we have.

.

NEWSCASTER: Scenes of disorder and destruction

are amassing from...

PAULA: Here we go.

Right. Now, we can all sit here

feeling sorry for ourselves,

or we can party like it's 1999.

And I mean the ones that Prince promised me.

Not the one I actually got, that was crap. (LAUGHS)

So, I vote for Prince.

Who's with me? Yeah, go on then.

Good boy.

Here, get this down your neck, Jamie.

We're going out in style.

I can't. I've got to get Layla and Frankie.

I'll be back in time, though, I promise.

And we'll be together at the end.

The whole family.

I love you, Mum.

I love you too, son.

(SIRENS WAILING)

(CAR LOCK BEEPS)

(TYRES SCREECHING)

What you doing? Get out the way!

Hello, Jamie.

You were at the funeral.

Of course.

I wanted to pay my last respects to my son.

Your son? Yes.

You mean you're my... Yes, Jamie.

I am your grandmother.

It's lovely to meet you.

Okay.

Great. Can you move your car, please?

Oh, come now, Jamie.

Surely you can spare me a minute or two.

Actually, no. Sorry.

Any other day, yes, but today's all about my wife and daughter

so can you please... I...

Can save their lives.

That's really sweet of you.

But you can't save them.

See, there's a big rock coming,

and there's nothing any of us can do about it.

I know.

Now, be a good boy

and stop patronising me.

Here.

Hold on,

you've got a bunker?

Only nutters have bunkers.

And it's in Slough?

Just come to the bunker.

Look, no offence, but I don't know you,

and now, suddenly you're asking me

to come and live in a hole?

The definitive word in that sentence is "live."

(WHISPERS) What d'ya say?

David, this bucket list is pathetic.

Seriously,

you haven't done any of those?

What have you been doing with your life?

I dunno. Angry Birds?

Lies. All lies.

Yeah. Funny, that.

We met this man,

he's not Jesus!

He's drives a taxi cab in Bilbao.

He claims he heals people, but it's not true.

We filed the report.

They know he's a fraud.

How could they do this?

NEWSCASTER: ...distrust of authority...

CELINE: Jude warned me about them.

PAULA: Look. Celine, darling.

Let it go, eh?

I mean, what does it matter?

We're all gonna be dead anyway.

Go on, get that down ya.

I'm sorry, God.

I'm so sorry.

No need to apologise, dear.

It's going to be all right.

Mint?

Who are you?

I am God.

And you are very drunk.

Forgive me.

Oh, good grief.

The grovelling. Always the grovelling.

Can't we just be pleased to see each other?

Jude sends his love, by the way.

So he's in heaven?

Thank God.

And between you and me,

it's nice to have some totty round the place.

(CHUCKLES)

I am so sorry.

I broke my vows. I let you down.

The only thing I'm sad about

is you leaving.

But I never left you.

I need you, Celine.

You're part of my plan.

Always were,

and always will be.

MAN: (KNOCKING) Oi, let me in.

.

RHONDA: This is my last meal?

I thought we were supposed to get something we like.

My God, how can you even be hungry?

I ain't hungry.

You're looking at pure willpower right here.

They're gonna kill me, I'm gonna make it

as disgusting for them as I possibly can.

I plan to poop myself the likes of which

you ain't never seen before.

What's for dessert, ass-face?

Screw you.

You wish.

I don't even understand why you're here.

I mean, I know

you escaped and everything. But...

Hardly seems worth the death penalty.

I guess they must have got me

on aidin' and abettin' a terrorist, hon.

Oh, God, you're here 'cause of me?

Leanne, I am so sorry.

Well, come on. It ain't your fault.

It's my

back-stabbing, bitch-ass husband put me in here.

What happened?

Well... (SIGHS)

I guess you could say things kinda went downhill after I helped you escape.

Todd Sr was pissed at me, oh!

(CHUCKLES)

We was fightin' all the time.

The sex went downhill.

We was barely doin' it

two, three times a night there towards the end.

Worst part about it was...

He turned my kids against me,

poisoned their minds against me somehow.

Then the sheriff came to the door.

And I...

I found out there'd been a reward out on me.

$10,000.

Twenty years of marriage,

sold out for the price of a boob job.

I don't know what to say.

Rhonda, listen to me.

I know you're scared.

And I know you feel like you ain't never gonna see

your husband and your son again. But...

But that ain't true.

You are gonna see 'em again.

In heaven.

You ain't gonna be alone like me.

You're not gonna be alone. Of course I am.

I ain't got nobody.

I always used to think

white was right.

But it's white that betrayed me.

Mmm.

I guess the joke's on me, ain't it?

(CHUCKLES)

You know, it don't feel too good

to realise that

you been wrong

about every single thing.

Or maybe it weren't the

blacks, and the queers, and the Jews

I shoulda had a problem with.

Maybe it was just men.

SCOTTY: Okay, General.

Hang up those guns and lock the door.

My private is standing to attention

and awaiting your order... (CLEARS THROAT)

Hi, Uncle Scotty.

Hello, Scotty. My name is Larsson

and I work for your mother.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Okay, um...

My mother's dead.

So...

Whoever you are, could you please just...

Kenneth?

That's my Kenneth.

How did you get this? Like I said, I work for your mother.

I don't have time to explain now.

But she is alive, and she wants to save your life.

(STUTTERS) No, that's impossible, my mother is dead.

Okay? My sister and I,

we were orphans at five years old.

You know what? Who cares?

I'm not here for my people skills.

Now, I'm sure you've lots of stuff

to work out with your mother. But for the moment,

let's stick to the facts.

Armageddon is tomorrow.

Your mother has a bunker. She wants to save your life.

So let's go. Well, actually, no.

I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I don't wanna live.

But your nephew does.

Hey, that's great.

That is great.

So, you go have fun.

But you can count me out of it.

And what about Mom?

You know, she's in jail 'cause you, uh,

put her there.

Don't you think you owe her?

(LOUDLY) Don't you think you owe me?

Man, what do you want me to do about it?

She's being held on a military base,

which is where you come in.

SPIKE: Please.

You guys are our only hope.

RAJESH: Come on, man.

(CHUCKLING)

Fine.

Fine. We'll help you get Rhonda.

And we'll help you survive.

We're not saving ourselves.

Right?

Right.

JAMIE: Y'know, I appreciate this

but I really don't need to be baby sat.

Yeah, well, better safe than sorry.

MOLBY: It's chaos, Jamie.

You wanna get your family to the bunker, don't you?

And it'll be safe in the bunker, right?

Be a hell of a lot safer than not being in there.

It's just... (HORN BLARING)

(TYRES SCREECHING)

Whoo!

.

You like?

I call this look...

Corporate gimp.

What are you doing?

Ending Doofus, doofus.

I could have just shot you in the car, but

it didn't feel right.

Whereas this...

Entombed in your own bank vault?

A tedious suburban end

to a tedious suburban life.

What have I ever done to you?

You know what it was like to grow up being told

how much better you were?

Mum used to call you her special boy.

Said she gave you up 'cause you deserved better.

So I cyber-stalked you

to find out what all the fuss was about.

Only you weren't special...

You were average.

And I kept you that way.

You know, the only thing sadder

than being a bank manager in Slough

is playing a game

where your avatar is a Slough bank manager.

And then having to watch

as your wife falls in love with him.

Don't!

So, you met Grandma, then?

She's a dear, isn't she?

Sadly, I burnt my bridges there.

But luckily...

You didn't.

So, all I need do to survive is pretend to be you.

Now, I've realised...

Doofus

wasn't a game.

It was a rehearsal.

I've watched you

for so long.

I know how you talk.

How you move.

I know how you think.

So I'm gonna go now,

find Frankie, Layla...

And enjoy my night

in the honeymoon suite.

(VOICE QUIVERING) Leave them alone.

Please?

Okay.

If you're gonna be him,

you're gonna have to face this.

And germs cannot get you.

(BREATHING DEEPLY)

Okay.

Yeah.

(LAUGHS)

Okay.

PAULA: Jamie? Why are you stroking the bank?

See, I knew it was more than a job for him.

It's a fetish.

DAVID: Sex money. (BOTH LAUGH)

What you even doing here? Where's Layla?

I just...

Wanted to say goodbye.

That is so you.

Captain anal strikes again.

I am what I am.

So, why are you here?

Well, erm...

We've been bucket-listing and we've got some news for you, Jamie.

After having several small sherries...

David here,

has asked me to be his good lady wife.

And I...

Have said yes.

We're getting married!

No, Mum, you're not.

I forbid it.

Our family's already weird enough

without that as my step-dad.

See, I told you he'd be like this. Hmm.

Like what? Sane?

You don't even like him!

Every morning on the way to school, same lecture.

"Why do you hang out with Dave? He's a loser,

"he drags you down." And now, suddenly, he's marriage material?

Oh, for God's sake, stop being so...

(STUTTERS) Jamie-ish. Mmm.

I mean,

it's the end of the world!

What does it matter? What does it matter? She's my mum!

All right, just...

Just come here.

Come on. Hey.

Don't fight it, come on.

Come on, come here. Now listen.

I promise

to be the best father

I can be for you.

Uh, Paula, come on.

Come on, let's have ourselves

a Jamie sandwich.

Darling, come on.

PAULA: Oh, please, Jamie?

You know I always wanted to get married.

And it'd mean the world to me

if you'd walk me down the aisle.

Plus it'll take our minds off all this dying stuff.

Huh? (POLICE SIRENS WAILING)

Okay, Mum. I'll do it.

Yes! I knew you'd come round.

I love you, Jamie.

.

(WHISPERING) How the hell are we gonna do this?

We just walk straight in.

Now, shut up and try to look butch.

Open the damn gate.

Sir? Can I help you? The hell is everybody?

Sir, they, uh, they left, sir. They left?

That's a disgrace.

Why are you smiling? Sir, I'm not smiling, sir.

Are you calling me a liar?

I say you're smiling.

I say you're proud of the cowardice of your regiment!

Guardhouse, now!

Sir, this is the guardhouse, sir.

Well, open the door then!

(DOOR OPENING)

Oh. Uh, sir, sir?

Uh, you're not allowed to, uh... Do not tell me

where I can and cannot go, son.

Now, open that cell. I've got orders from the President.

Sir, I can't. I have orders.

(SHOUTING) From me!

Don't make me go Mount Vesuvius on you, son. Or

is that what you want?

(SHOUTS) You want me to erupt

and spray my hot moulten lava upon you?

Ask yourself, is that what you really want?

To be my Pompeii?

I don't exactly know what that is, sir.

But, I don't think so.

Then open the door.

Okay.

GAINES: McNeil.

Today is your lucky day.

We have to get Leanne. Shut up and keep moving.

I can't just leave her. GAINES: Damn it.

Hey, uh, open her cell.

I don't take orders from you.

What the hell is this? Well, you heard her.

Open the other cell.

I said, open the door.

You heard the man.

Be a good boy now.

Sir, I'm gonna need to see those orders. Open it.

Sir,

I cannot comply unless you show me those orders.

Why, you little... Show me the orders!

Don't do this, Private.

(SCOTTY GRUNTING IN PAIN) Ah!

BAINES: Scotty, look at me. RHONDA: Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Look at me. Hey.

SOLDIER: (OVER PA) All guards to section 9.

RHONDA: Scotty, I'm so sorry.

SOLDIER: (OVER PA) All guards to section 9. BAINES: Gotta go.

Let's go, let's go!

RHONDA: Hold on, Scotty, hold on.

SOLDIER: I see her! Freeze!

SOLDIER: We've got a man down.

Soon, Jude. Soon.

I am ready.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

LAYLA: Jamie.

FRANKIE: Daddy!

Where were you? We were worried sick. I know.

We don't have to worry about anything, any more.

See, there's this bunker.

We're gonna go there.

And we are gonna survive.

The three of us, together.

A family...

Our family.

ARIEL: We'll never be apart again.

(GRUNTING)

I love you, Jamie.

I love you, too.