Original subtitles

.

CARDINAL ANDERSON: From now on you will be investigating the second coming of Christ.

FATHER JUDE: I need someone tenacious, with a clear head and thick skin.

When can you start?

GAINES: So how did you get her out?

I faked a 911.

Please tell me you didn't use your own phone?

I'll be under suspicion if they know I'm with you.

ARIEL: Who are you? I'm your Grandmother.

We could do great things together.

Our family's bigger than you think.

Jamie, you have a daughter!

"One day soon, you're going to see four horses."

Don't panic, it's all part of the plan.

ARIEL: Your great-granddaughter.

Save me a place in here, and I'll get the girl.

(WHISPERS) A living, breathing blood bank.

JAMIE: Imagine planet Earth as a great big fan.

Well, stand back, folks, 'cause the universe just took a dump on it. Yeah.

(POP SONG PLAYING) It's the end of the world.

And where am I? Deep under the suburbs of suburbia.

Watching it on telly.

REPORTER ON TELEVISION: One minute now, one minute.

These pictures coming live to us from Hubble...

JAMIE: We could be trapped here for months, years even.

I mean, what do we do when we run out of conversation?

I'm hopeless at small talk.

(PEOPLE CLAMOURING)

Oh, excuse me. You don't recognise this woman?

Hey, do you recognise this woman?

She's got a little girl about six.

Excuse me...

DAVE: Hey, Jamie, get her a monster truck.

Girls love monster trucks, right?

Yeah, I'm actually quite keen on making a good first impression on my daughter.

So probably not.

Oh, I'll get her the giraffe.

Jude said she likes giraffes.

In fact, it's the only thing he told me about her.

I don't know her name, but I know where she stands giraffe-wise.

Something for Layla perhaps?

Okay, so this is exactly what I was talking about.

This is gonna be hard enough as it is without you being a dick to Layla.

Yeah, and what possible justification could I have for that?

Oh, yeah, she's slightly married to your brother...

I just want to meet my daughter

and find out the truth in the most painless way as possible.

Okay? Mmm-hmm.

(TOY SQUEAKING) Do me a favour and haggle for that.

(MEN SHOUTING)

MYRTA: Congratulations.

You have completed your fast track level 6.

You have transcended the dimension of self

and are finally ready to open yourself to the love of others.

Now do we get to meet the messiah?

No, to meet Ruthless you must all travel to Paradise Island.

Great, so where do I get a ticket?

It's not that simple.

First you must choose a partner.

Got one. Got one right here.

MYRTA: And then you must get married. (AUDIENCE SNICKERING)

Ruthless teaches us that you cannot reach paradise alone.

So I suggest you choose wisely.

Thank you.

There's gotta be another way.

Believe me,

marriage is the only path to happiness and salvation.

We are out of here.

Real religions do not have levels.

Investigation over.

Hindus have levels.

Okay, but they don't hand out badges.

Jude, not one person who's gone to this island has returned.

We must find those people.

We have to give their families answers.

Come on, let's get hitched.

Okay.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(HORSE NEIGHING)

DEALER DAN: All right, mate? Hey, hey?

You interested in seeds, yeah?

I got carrot, tomato, beetroot.

Premium gear.

Actually, I'm looking for a woman.

Oh, that's not really my scene, mate.

I can do you water filters, fertilisers.

You know, trust me, you survive this, you're gonna need to grow your own.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I hope Saviour works.

But it pays to prep, right?

Yeah, this is her.

Oh, yeah, Sophie.

Sophie?

Yeah, she did my last MOT.

She's a great mechanic.

Okay. And where is Sophie?

She's at the courthouse. She was arrested this morning.

Come on.

ARIEL: Gotcha.

She's been arrested in Suffolk.

Right.

Let's go.

You drive.

You know, I'm perfectly capable of snatching the kid by myself.

Yeah, but Grandma doesn't want you going out on your own.

Aw, that's very sweet of her.

Mmm. Isn't it?

You know how she worries about you.

SCOTTY: This is insane!

Rhonda, please.

Look, you are on the run.

You cannot go to the hospital.

I didn't come all this way to just sit a few miles from my husband.

I got to at least try.

Are you serious?

RHONDA: What? This could be the last time we're together.

Ever. Think about it.

Everyone's gonna be watching your rocket launch.

This could be my best chance.

My only chance.

So unless you got some better ideas...

Please, please take care of yourself, okay?

'Cause with Arnie gone, you're literally all I've got.

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

(EXHALES DEEPLY) Okay. I gotta go.

Where have you been? I know. I'm sorry.

I know. I had to... Arnie we have to talk.

Not here! Please! Just listen to me, please.

I love you, I love you and I miss you.

And I can't function without you.

And I... Look, I think it's stupid

that we should throw away something as good as us just because we...

Now Scotty, please.

Now is not the time. You need to pull yourself together.

Now, come on.

(DOOR OPENING) (PEOPLE CHATTERING)

That's all right. That's all right.

GAINES: Uh, morning, everybody.

Now, uh, I apologise for the delay,

but as you can imagine, we've been somewhat busy today.

Scotty McNeil, Senior Advisor, Special Situations Group,

will run briefly through our timetable,

and then we'll take any questions. Scotty.

Um... (BEEPS)

Um...

The Operation Saviour launch will take place today at 1700 hours.

Assuming the launch succeeds, it will take

seven days for the craft to reach the comet.

We're not trying to destroy the comet.

It's too big.

We just want to deflect it enough so that it safely misses Earth.

Yeah. Think of it like a game of pool.

Um, the Earth is the cue, uh...

Well, the craft is the cue ball.

And the comet's the eight ball.

Right.

Saviour contains a nuclear warhead,

which we plan to detonate on the comet's surface.

In order to do this, the comet will split into two...

(PEOPLE MURMURING)

I'm sorry. The craft will split...

(CLEARS THROAT) Excuse me.

SCOTTY: I can't do it.

Uh... Ladies and gentlemen, once again, my apologies.

Mr McNeil has been under a lot of pressure.

It was remiss of me to further...

(BREATHING UNSTEADILY)

Scotty McNeil.

.

DAVE: All right, so...

So, what exactly is the plan?

'Cause just walking up to random six-year-olds and offering them cuddly toys

is how you end up in a place like this.

Plus it's a bit...

Dave, look.

Do you think...

DAVE: I dunno, mate.

I mean, no offence, but she's kind of normal looking.

Oh, God.

JAMIE: Oh, wow.

I actually feel a bit sick.

Maybe it's not her.

Daddy!

That's my daddy!

This is a very happy moment for me.

It's so great to meet you.

I'm your dad.

I know. And that's Dave.

Mum told me all about you.

I don't actually know your name.

It's Frankie.

Pleased to meet you, Frankie. What's that?

It's for you. (TOY SQUEAKING)

I heard you like giraffes and stuff, so...

Do you like it?

I'd have preferred a monster truck.

(COUGHS) Told you.

It's all going to be all right, isn't it, Dad?

'Cause you're gonna help Mum, and they'll let her go,

and we can all go home and live together.

Listen... Daddy.

You did come to help Mum, right?

'Cause that's what good dads do.

Yeah.

Right. That's what good dads do.

FRANKIE: Come on, Dave.

(TOY SQUEAKING) DAVE: Ow!

FRANKIE: Come on.

Uh... Yeah.

No, maybe lose the wig.

Really? Yeah. Hmm.

Okay. Mmm. Put the black ones in again.

But... (LAUGHS)

Honey, it's gonna be fine.

Really. I learned a lot on the run.

Most people don't really notice stuff.

Besides, I've got you.

You're gonna knock out the surveillance cameras.

Right. Yeah.

I just...

I dunno, Mom.

It's gonna be okay.

I believe in you.

CARTER: I don't like being made a fool of, Scotty.

Sticks in my craw.

Your phone records show the 911 came from you.

That is aiding and abetting a wanted terrorist.

Tell us where to find her.

Are you insane?

Do you know what I do for a living?

Saviour launches in a couple hours.

I mean, you literally could not have picked a worse day.

Oh, on the contrary. See, you need to get outta here.

And you can, if you give me your sister.

(CHUCKLING SOFTLY)

CARTER: It's called leverage, Scotty.

(SLURPING LOUDLY)

Well, you ain't gonna break me.

(DOOR CLOSING)

REPORTER ON TELEVISION: They must be absolutely exhausted.

So these pictures are coming live now from Operation Saviour.

This is life sentence for me.

SCOTTY: I'm looking at two-to-five,

and I'll probably never work in D.C. again, but

hey, at least I can always say I helped save the world.

MIRINOV: I blame Russian president for predicament of me.

69 rouble to dollar.

If not for him, I wouldn't come here.

(BANGS BARS) I wouldn't be criminal.

In my country, we have joke now.

"Ladies and gentlemen,

"you will soon be land in Moscow.

"You do not adjust your watches for Daylight Saving.

"Just wind them back to 1989."

(LAUGHING)

It's funny, no?

What did you say?

It's much funnier in mother tongue.

No, no, no, the other bit.

The bit about Daylight Savings.

Yes. Is finished.

Oh, my God.

President get rid of.

REPORTER ON TELEVISION: The stakes literally could not be higher.

SCOTTY: Guard!

Guard!

MAGISTRATE: You're being tried under article four of the Emergency Apocalypse Act.

It's a simple "yes" or "no". Did you or didn't you steal the inhaler?

LAYLA: Your honour, my daughter is six.

And she has asthma. Now, by law,

her inhaler should be free. (PEOPLE AGREEING)

But instead, the chemist wanted 80 quid for it.

80 quid!

Now, that's the real crime here!

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

(GAVEL BANGING) MAGISTRATE: Order! Order!

People shouldn't be making a quick buck out of the end of the world,

we should be helping each other.

I don't have £80, Your Honour.

So, yes, I took the inhaler.

Why aren't you charging the wankers at the chemist?

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

MAGISTRATE: Order! Order!

I would remind you this is a court of law.

And would you please not say that word?

I'm sorry. What word, Your Honour?

Chemist? (PEOPLE LAUGHING)

Oh, oh sorry, wankers? (PEOPLE CHEERING)

You don't... You don't want me to say wankers? Sorry.

Let the record reflect my deep regret

at my repeated use of the word... (SHOUTS) Wankers!

(PEOPLE CHEERING) MAGISTRATE: Yes, very amusing, Miss Carlton.

But I think you've wasted quite enough of my time.

These are indeed extraordinary days,

but the rule of law still applies

and you've admitted to stealing the item.

I fine you £400.

I said, your fine is £400, to be paid immediately.

If I had £400,

I would have just bought the inhaler, Your Honour.

You leave me no choice.

One week in prison. (PEOPLE CLAMOURING)

That's... That's ridiculous! What about my daughter?

I'll pay.

(CHEERING)

Who's this?

.

She's six years old. She's gonna scream. Nah.

Bit of chloroform on a hankie over the nose. She won't make a sound.

Trust me, I know what I'm doing.

Looks like it.

So I'm guessing you're single, right?

Most people have a

picnic blanket, maybe a Frisbee.

Well, I'm not most people. Put it down,

I wasn't born yesterday.

You're not getting rid of me.

Your gran doesn't trust you, and neither do I.

That's why I'm here.

I'll do the chloroform, you do the gaffer tape.

Fine.

Suit yourself.

So where's the gaffer tape?

We need to get our story straight. You are Federico...

I'm terrible with names, hope I remember it.

...the neurosurgeon.

Well, thanks for picking that,

with my vast knowledge in the field, I'm sure I won't be tripped up.

Who are you?

I am Luisa. I live in the hills above Verona

where I run a home of orphanage and donkeys. (YAWNING)

You don't like donkeys? They're boring, and the kid thing freaks me out.

(SIGHING) And I play the guitar.

So basically, I'm marrying a nun?

Hi! Um, logistical question,

when does the last ferry leave?

9:00 p.m.

But don't worry.

You won't need a boat back.

No one leaves paradise.

I'll take your word for it.

So you're alive then?

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Obviously.

(TOY SQUEAKING) DAVE: Oh, oh, okay.

(FRANKIE GRUNTING) Stop!

JAMIE: And in other news, I'm a dad,

information that would've been nice to have had before now.

Hi. I'm here to pay the fine for...

What are you calling yourself these days?

Sophie Carlton. Thanks.

I'm sorry. Okay?

But everything I did, I promise I did for a good reason.

Oh, okay, I'll just take your word for that then, shall I?

After all, I've no reason to believe you'd ever lie to me.

Just to be clear.

I'm not here for you.

All I want is to know my daughter

and maybe find out the truth.

Excuse me. This card's been declined.

Um... That's all I've got. I've...

Got a car?

I've got a minibus.

That'll do.

I owe you one.

One?

MYRTA: You may kiss the bride.

(PEOPLE APPLAUDING)

I forgot about the kiss.

We'll just do it very professionally. And close our eyes.

(SPEAKERS PLAY WEDDING MARCH)

Ah! So that's where the new messiah must be hanging out.

Okay. We need to look convincing.

You are in love with me, right?

Why wouldn't I be?

(MUSIC STOPS)

MYRTA: Are there any reasons why you should not be lawfully married?

Absolutely none.

Then place your hand upon the Bible...

Federico, Federico...

Oh, yes.

Will you take Luisa to be your wife?

Will you love her, honour her, comfort and protect her,

and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?

I will.

Luisa, will you take Federico to be your husband?

Yes, I will.

Then place the ring upon her finger.

I now declare you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

(PEOPLE APPLAUDING)

I have to get a message to General Gaines

or we're all screwed! Don't tell me. Only you can save mankind.

SCOTTY: This isn't a joke, okay?

I think there might be a slight flaw

in a piece of code that the Russians wrote.

And I don't know if anyone has noticed it yet.

You want out? Give me your sister.

No! That, that...

That is not fair.

CARTER: Okay. Your choice.

Just please, can you get General Gaines on the phone?

Or anyone else from mission control?

(SHOUTS) What don't you understand?

If Saviour fails, we're dead, we're all dead!

Including your sister. So if you love her,

if you want to save her life, tell me where she is.

We're talking about the entire human race.

(SHOUTS) Are you out of your mind?

No, and neither are you.

And you're a good man, and you're not gonna risk the entire world for your sister.

So where is she?

Where is she, Scotty?

You need to tell her.

I need to save my mamushka.

(GASPING IN DESPAIR)

CARTER: Come on.

REPORTER: Now the moment of truth is just a couple of hours away.

.

Keep walking.

It's the next room on the left.

There are no guards on the door.

And I'm going to shut off their surveillance now, Mom.

Good luck.

(KEYBOARD CLACKING) (BEEPING)

SPIKE ON PHONE: It's done.

Okay.

I'm going in.

(MACHINE BEEPING)

Rajesh?

(EXHALING DEEPLY)

What? Oh, no, no, no!

Please, please, please!

No, you don't understand!

I'm sorry. I love you.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

(EXHALING DEEPLY)

Well, I think that we fooled them.

Absolutely. You were very convincing.

Thank you.

Well, Freddy is a very passionate man.

There you are!

Oh, look at you two.

Congratulations.

Thank you. Such a lovely couple!

Come, sit, sit.

I'm Arless, and this is my wife Ruth.

They call us Ruthless.

You know, like Brangelina.

Let's have a drink to celebrate.

So... They say you have been appointed by God.

That must be...

Nice? ARLESS: Sure is.

See, he spoke to me.

He told me to re-create the Garden of Eden.

You win 300 million on the lottery, I mean,

you know God's trying to tell you something, right?

Listen, can people leave here?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Why would you want to leave paradise?

We teach love here.

Love without guilt.

None of that BS

churches teach.

Real love.

Look at these two.

Such a beautiful couple.

Well, this is it.

We've been living the dream.

I'm gonna show Dad my bedroom.

And my sunflowers.

And my castle.

Wow. You built all of this yourself?

Seriously?

I've been holding him together for the last seven years. It's not been easy.

Honestly, you have no idea how much you've hurt him.

So if there's a shred of decency in you,

don't mess him around again, okay?

Frankie. Frankie?

Me and Daddy need to talk.

Why don't you show Uncle Dave where we pump the poo out?

Yay! Poo pump!

She's great.

I just... I shouldn't be meeting her at Lego.

I missed out on rattles,

and potties,

hungry caterpillars.

Look, before we do this, I have to know how you found us.

It's really important. For Frankie's sake.

A nun and a priest helped you in Poland?

Frankie gave them this.

She wrote your town on it.

But how did you get it?

Funny story.

Turns out the priest is my dad.

See, here's what confuses me.

Our wedding, it's you and me.

And then there's this.

This is you...

With him.

Oh, God. You know about Ariel?

Okay, um, I know this looks bad but...

Actually, there is no "but".

It's just bad.

Can we not do this here?

It's just you get a bit shouty and high-pitched when you're upset,

and I don't want Frankie to hear.

Please. Fine.

Ow! LAYLA: Frankie!

Me and Daddy are just going for a little walk, okay?

Uncle Dave's gonna look after you.

Uh, yeah. How long are you gonna be?

It's just that when she hits me with the giraffe, it actually really hurts.

Yay! Let's play giraffe slaps.

We can... (TOY SQUEAKING)

How far are we going?

How shouty am I gonna get?

Uh...

.

In the interest of full disclosure,

I think I should tell you that we are from the Vatican.

I'm a priest, and Celine is a nun. (LAUGHING)

Right. Got fed up with celibacy, did ya?

Can't blame ya. Very unhealthy.

No, no, we actually came to investigate you.

(LAUGHING) Of course you did, dear.

No, absolutely that's why we're here.

Oh, come on, be honest with yourselves.

The way you two look at each other. (BOTH LAUGHING)

ARLESS: I can see it.

The levels have opened you up.

You're ready for love, honey.

(PEOPLE MOANING IN PLEASURE)

ARLESS: Now, I expect you two wanna start with each other, but don't be shy now.

It's more of a buffet than a set menu.

(ROCK SONG PLAYING)

You know how to drive one of these things?

Uh! Not really... (ENGINE STARTING)

...but I am Italian.

FATHER JUDE: Right. (LAUGHING)

CELINE: Whoo! (LAUGHS)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

I've been calling. Why the hell aren't you answering the phone?

SCIENTIST: We're a little busy.

We need the DST! We need to check the Daylight Saving Time!

We did. Like 12 times already.

No, no, no, no. We have Daylight Saving Time.

But the Russians, the Russians don't.

Guys, guys!

Your president,

he doesn't like the gays and he doesn't like Daylight Savings.

He got rid of it last year, yes, correct?

Yes? Yes! Thank you, yes.

Okay? So I'm sure that we've taken it into account.

But can we please just check it?

The way that their code speaks to ours?

'Cause otherwise the secondary engine ignition will be about an hour late.

Or an hour early.

Or whatever the hell Daylight Savings is.

Scotty, where've you been? No! Not now, I'm busy!

There! Right there.

My God. You were right.

Okay, people, we need to rewrite this interface now!

WOMAN: What? (PEOPLE CHATTERING URGENTLY)

DAVE: Okay, so the boat is the Earth and I'm that naughty comet. All right?

Yeah. And I'm Operation Saviour.

DAVE: Oh, really?

Well, I bet you can't save the world.

(IMITATING ROCKET)

Yes. My real name was Hawkwind.

I grew up on the commune with Ariel.

I hated it.

So I ran away with him as soon as I could and...

(EXHALING DEEPLY) ...stupidly married him.

I was only 18.

I thought I was in love, but I was young

and lonely and wanted to belong somewhere.

If you're looking for sympathy... No, I'm not.

I'm not.

I'm just trying to help you understand

how I could have screwed up so spectacularly.

Ariel had a real chip on his shoulder about you

'cause your mum was always going on about how special you were.

And it made him feel worthless, I guess.

So he invented a computer game called Doofus.

You were the main character in it.

I don't understand.

He hacked everything without you realising.

Your whole life. So, credit records, emails...

He fiddled with everything to mess it up.

Like what?

Like screwing with your exam results.

So you could have gone to university.

Those rejection letters were all Ariel.

And you knew?

I was young and stupid,

and I never thought of you as a real person with feelings.

(SNIFFLES)

And then one day, we were talking about

how you'd never had a girlfriend.

So you invented one for me?

Yeah. Layla.

We set up a meet cute. I got in the lift with you,

and Ariel hacked it, made it break down for a few hours.

But when I met you, you were so lovely.

And the joke wasn't funny any more

because everything about you

was so genuine.

And being Layla felt so much better than being Hawkwind.

So I split up with Ariel.

And I fooled myself.

I thought Doofus was over.

And I thought I could just be with you and be happy and just be Layla.

(SIGHS)

And then...

And then he showed up on our honeymoon.

Said he'd been biding his time,

but that sooner or later we'd be punished.

And he was scary, like eyes bulgy, proper psycho.

And to add to everything, I'd just found out I was pregnant.

And I panicked.

I... I thought if I just disappeared,

(STAMMERS) I could protect the baby from him. And protect you.

Everything was a lie.

No. No. Everything started as a lie.

But we turned into something real.

'Cause I did love you, Jamie.

And when we said our wedding vows,

I meant every word.

You were the best thing that ever happened to me.

Funny, 'cause you were the worst.

I want details.

And I don't care if it takes all night.

You're going to tell me everything.

.

MAN: T minus one minute. (CHOPPER WHIRRING)

Fuel umbilical purge to open.

(CHUCKLES)

Hey, Scotty, everyone's looking for you.

You were right. What you did...

You gave us a chance, Scotty.

MAN: Propellant valves open, pressures nominal. Well, come on,

it's about to launch, and you are the hero of the hours.

Hey, what is it? Heater control units on...

I had to sell out my own sister.

(SOBBING)

MAN: Umbilical release primed,

pressure levels okay.

T minus 10, 9... Ignition sequence start.

(SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY)

Six, five, four,

three, two, one.

Trajectory is good, thrust is good. (PEOPLE CHEERING)

Saviour is in the air.

Repeat, Saviour is in the air.

(CELINE CHUCKLING)

(TYRES SCREECHING)

Jude, you hold on so tight.

Because you're a terrible driver!

It's the Saviour launch. I forgot all about it.

(PEOPLE SHOUTING AND CHEERING)

We missed it.

Looks like we're camping out tonight.

What?

I know this is going to sound crazy.

Do you remember in Poland? Your grand-daughter?

She told me one day I was going to see four horses.

A white, a black, a red and a pale.

Look, it's a sign.

It is a sign.

It's a billboard.

Celine, do you really think the Lord

would be communicating to us using the medium

of... Outside advertising.

Well, why not?

What if it is a sign, giving us his blessing?

For what? For the wedding.

That wasn't real.

You kissed me, Jude. It was not acting.

It wasn't.

Was it?

I wasn't acting.

I think about you all the time.

But Celine, I've been a priest for 20 years.

I've never broken my vows.

And I don't think you should either.

What if God wants us to?

What if that is a sign?

I'm afraid it's probably wishful thinking.

Well, why don't you ask him?

Right now?

Dear Lord...

Dear Lord, I know you have a lot

on your plate right now.

But if this is what you want, please show me a sign.

(FIRECRACKERS EXPLODING) (PEOPLE CHEERING)

Okay, my logical mind says

that that probably has something to do

with the Saviour (CHUCKLING) launch celebration.

Yes, maybe.

Or maybe it's God.

What do you want it to be, Jude?

Told you we'd meet again.

My husband is dying.

You couldn't have given me one minute with him? One?

McNeil, you're coming with us.

What the hell's going on? Whoa. What?

Marine Corps Intelligence, ma'am.

We have orders to debrief her.

I arrested her! She's my prisoner.

She'll be returned to you once the interview is complete.

(SIGHS IN FRUSTRATION)

Hey, I want you to see this.

I don't care about the launch.

Just trust me, okay?

This is streaming live.

I couldn't change the outcome,

but I could make sure they got a chance to say goodbye.

(SOBBING)

So, what do we do now?

I don't know.

Try not to argue in front of Frankie, I suppose.

I guess I should demand alternate weekends with her.

But there's only one more of those before the apocalypse.

Seven years.

All it would've taken was one message

just to put me out of my misery.

No, no. I told you, I couldn't risk Ariel finding us.

Please, Jamie. We've been up all night.

Let's just get some sleep before we do more, okay?

Why were you with him in Moscow a few weeks ago?

I saw there was a reward out on him.

I was sick of never having any money for Frankie.

So I called the police

and they set up this trap for him.

With me as the bait. Only it all went...

What? No!

Frankie!

Mate, can you hear me?

She's gone! Frankie's gone!

Mate, no, no, it's okay. What happened?

(GASPING)

Your brother.

ARIEL: Good news, Grandma.

I've got your little donor, all five pints of her.

GRANDMA ON PHONE: Wonderful. Bring her here.

Yeah, you know what? I'm not gonna do that.

I'm keeping her as an insurance policy.

Oh, and by the way, I had to get rid of your little Irish lapdog.

What have you done to her?

She'll live. Which is more than I would have, right?

I don't know what you mean.

Yes you do, Grandma.

You were gonna get rid of me the moment I got you the girl.

Well, sorry to disappoint you,

but we're doing things my way now.

You don't get the girl until the very last minute

when I'm safely inside the bunker.

Am I clear? Perfectly.

Good. Oh, and one other thing.

I'm gonna need a plus one in the bunker.

The wife's coming, too.

That is how you negotiate.

Pretty impressive, huh?

Hey, don't look so scared.

I'm just like your dad, only cooler.

Me, you and your mum are gonna be a family.

We're gonna be together

for the rest of our lives.

And everything's gonna be fine.

We're gonna be happy... Forever.