Original subtitles

.

Operation Saviour continues to advance at an astounding pace.

Ever since waking up, I hear this voice.

Here, I want you to have this.

I put where I live at the bottom.

RHONDA: You can come with me, you know.

I got my people, and you got yours.

He'll be dead before I even hit the...

GAINES: First, we get rid of the evidence.

Jamie is divine, Dave.

As his closest disciple, I'm sure you know that.

We're going back to Slough.

I don't know who we are any more.

JAMIE: Thanks a bunch, Bruce Willis.

Where are you now, eh, when we need you most?

Yep. It's Armageddon.

The actual apocalypse.

And where am I?

Deep under the suburbs of suburbia,

watching it on telly.

NEWSREADER: One minute now. One minute.

Uh, these pictures coming live to us from Hubble.

JAMIE: I can't believe we're actually going to live.

And it's all thanks to the crazy lady.

But is she really our saviour?

Or is she the spider and we're her flies?

(SHRIEKING)

DR SAMUEL: Everything is in hand, and I mean everything.

Water, medicine, food.

Your favourite, tuna chunks.

Welcome to your new home.

Above and beyond the call of duty, Dr Samuel.

Right. Yes.

Special delivery from America...

Sorry. Are we interrupting?

No. Show me.

(ECHOING) Funny looking thing, isn't he?

Still, it's what's on the inside that counts, I suppose.

Let's check his blood.

(ECHOING) What do we do if he's not clean?

SUTTON: What do you think?

(TOILET FLUSHING)

PAULA: Jamie?

Jamie, is that you?

(CHUCKLING) Oh, it is you!

Oh, ho-ho!

Oh, I have missed you so much.

Come here!

Oh. (LAUGHS)

I missed you too, Mum. Oh.

What are you doing here?

Ah. Well. Um...

It turns out that that wall I knocked down was structural.

You don't mind me staying here, do you?

Jamie?

What is it, love?

Um... What's happened with Layla?

It seems...

Hey! All right, Paula.

I've returned to resume our "will-they-won't-they" romantic tango.

(SIGHS)

What's she doing here?

Um, is she not...

I was just getting to that.

Jamie's very upset. He needs his mother.

Um, which one's mine?

(SIRENS WAILING)

Oh, uh, why aren't you looking for my mom?

If it was vice versa, she'd be busting a gut for you.

What do you want me to do, huh? Try?

Oh, but that'd take guts, I guess.

You were too chicken to even come out. (CHUCKLES)

We're just very private people.

We don't all need to wave a flag.

She's your twin!

How do you even sleep at night?

Okay. (SNICKERS)

Are you gonna go look for her?

(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

(SOBBING) You know, he's right.

How do I sleep... I...

I don't...

I haven't even, um...

God, I feel like my head is gonna explode.

I mean, look at us.

Our own home and this is the only place

where we can even get any kind of privacy.

I need you to calm down. How?

Two days ago, I nearly killed a guy.

And we don't even know where he is.

Okay. I'm on that.

(SOBBING) Who is this? Who am I?

Hey...

(KNOCKING ON DOOR) SPIKE: Are you guys doing it?

(DOORKNOB RATTLING) 'Cause I need to drop a deuce.

Can you hurry up? Please.

Do you remember that chat we had

about starting a family?

I'm so glad you won that.

(BANGING AT DOOR) SPIKE: Come on, hurry up.

REPORTER: (ON TV) Well, I'm joined now by Professor Lot,

who's running the controversial drug trials.

Uh, Professor Lot, what's the purpose, then, of this drug?

Nocturnapram works on our body's vitamin D receptors.

It'll enable us to live without sunlight for up to two years,

which, assuming we can survive the initial impact,

will help sustain human life during the dust cloud.

REPORTER: But come on, human guinea pigs?

Look, the only way we can get Nocturnapram

to market in time is to go straight to human trials.

REPORTER: This is Russian roulette, isn't it?

I mean, people have died in your tests.

DAVE: Okay. Thank you.

As if we weren't depressed enough already.

What sort of muppet signs up for a drug trial?

JAMIE: There won't be enough to go around when it's finished.

If you volunteer, your family goes to the front of the queue.

Some people like the idea of doing things for others, Paula.

Said the woman who left her son in a cardboard box.

JAMIE: Mum, stop.

Well, I'm sorry, love, but she's... PAULA: Oi!

He said "Mum".

It's me he's telling off, not you.

Okay, I'm late.

It says "Collect four tokens and get a free skipping rope."

Do either of you skip?

(JET ENGINE ROARING)

Do you want to come inside?

It's warmer.

My husband's missing since the comet.

I can't pay my mortgage this month.

And I've been coming every day but you've been shut.

(SOBBING) Let's have a look.

(COMPUTER BEEPING)

It's all fine.

It's been paid.

But, um...

It's been paid.

One less thing to worry about, eh?

Thank you. Thank you so much.

You don't know what that means.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

He helps the poor and needy,

for he is the resurrection and he is the light.

Everyone should kneel down and beg for his infinite grace.

Hello.

I, um, I brought you some sandwiches.

That's really kind of you. (MAN COUGHING)

Mary, I need you to not do the whole son of God thing here.

What if I do it outside?

Yeah, that could work. Oh!

I'll go and spread the word.

Want cup of tea? Yeah, lovely.

PAULA Ah, here you are.

I made you some peanut butter sandwich.

MARY: Listen, people of Slough...

I see someone else got in before me.

Mum, it's not a competition.

For the record, you make better sandwiches.

Don't you forget it.

MARY: ...no need to be afraid.

The son of God walks amongst...

Jamie, why are you bothering?

'Cause I'm a bank manager.

I mean, what else of me is left?

At least, here I know where I am.

Look. (SIGHS)

Don't take this the wrong way,

but maybe this Layla thing, maybe it's for the best.

I mean, at least now you can move on.

Well, let's hope you're right.

'Cause at the moment, it's like I'm cursed or something.

Jamie, don't be ridiculous.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Mary?

Mary!

(PEOPLE SHOUTING)

.

...the son of God.

He will lead his people to the land of freedom.

Oh. Oh-ho-ho!

Oh.

Jamie, he is the son of God.

He will lead his people to the land of freedom.

Okay, let's do this.

(INDISTINCT VOICES OVER LAPTOP)

MARY: (OVER LAPTOP) Jamie is the son of God...

CELINE: Jude, come on, we are late.

We need to get to the airport.

I think we're gonna have to take a later flight.

MARY: (OVER LAPTOP) Jamie, he is the son of God.

He will lead his people to the land of freedom.

It was bad luck.

Could have been me, it could have been anybody.

If I'd just left her where she was...

No, no, no, no.

No, you did the right thing. That hospital was a disgrace.

They're laughing at her dying like it's a cartoon.

Yeah, but you know, don't take it so personally.

Now everyone's dying, I think it's okay to laugh at death.

Yeah. You know, it's like,

"Up yours, Grim Reaper, you big dick."

(STAMMERING) And at least she gets a fuss made of her.

I mean, the rest of us won't.

Yeah, we really pulled out all the stops, didn't we?

Oi, oi.

Who ordered the strippers?

Well, hello, my future husband.

CELINE: Excuse me?

Is this the funeral for Mary Conroy?

JAMIE: What passed for it, yeah.

And you must be her son?

I'm so sorry for your loss. I saw the clip.

Okay, if this is about that Second Coming crap, you picked a bad time.

I hate to disappoint you, but I'm not the son of God.

I know.

You see, the thing is, I think...

You're my son.

Jamie, I'm Father Jude.

Your father, Jude.

(PHONE RINGING)

(PHONE BEEPS)

ANSWERING MACHINE: You've reached Rhonda, Rajesh, and Spike.

Leave us a message. (PHONE BEEPS)

MAN: (ON PHONE) Do you want to make a difference?

Help save lives?

Maybe even change the course of history?

At Nocturnapram, we're working around the clock

to craft solutions for a post-apocalyptic world.

So volunteer for the trials, for this amazing new drug...

(BABBLING)

(GASPS)

(GROANS)

Where am I?

(HEAVY BREATHING)

Who are you?

You ever think about dying, Ariel?

I think about it all the time.

Scares the crap out of me.

I hate being old.

Where are we?

In a bunker, underneath my estate.

If the comet hits, we could live down here for years,

so long as we've got what we need.

And what I need is this stuff.

You want my blood?

Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

I need to find out you're clean first.

And what if I'm not clean?

Ah, he's awake.

Everything okay?

Let's get some food in him.

Actually, I'm not very hungry.

Look at him, he's like a stick.

Get the kitchen to make him a steak, will ya?

Get some iron in him.

Good for the old blood.

You should have one too, Doctor.

Need to keep your strength up, don't we?

(LAUGHS) (CHUCKLES)

That boy's in way out of his depth.

(WHISPERING) I like that, Ariel.

They're sexy when they're a little scared.

Is that what you're doing with me? Is this a sex thing?

For heaven's sake, don't be disgusting.

I'm your grandmother.

.

(EXHALES)

CARRIE: Looks like someone's smashed the back door, Ed.

EDDIE: You think we should call the cops?

Carrie? (GASPS)

Eddie?

Oh. Oh, no, it's okay. It's me.

Stay there, Rhonda. Don't come any closer.

Carrie, call 911.

Oh, no, no, no, no. You don't have to do that. It's me.

Stay the hell away from us.

You don't belong here any more.

This is my home.

CARRIE: Hello, uh, police department...

Go after her, Eddie!

CARRIE: (ON LAPTOP) Hello, police department.

Yes, yes, we're on, uh, 452 Willow Drive.

I've just seen Rhonda McNeil.

We can't let his Johnson run the meeting,

and we can't let him turn Mount Genesis

into his own personal harem, okay?

So, let's stick together, present a united front.

(PHONE RINGING)

Scotty, I mean it, I need your head in the game.

I can't do this alone.

I know, I know. Just give me a second, okay?

Spike, not now.

My mom's in D.C.

What? (WHISPERING) Hey, Scotty!

She went home, the neighbours called 911.

SCOTTY: Okay. They said she ran off north.

That's where the cops are looking,

but I think she's gone to the school.

She always heads north then turns right at the woods.

Spike, I can't help... Oh, Scotty, Scotty, you have to! She needs us.

No, no, no, listen. I can't get involved.

Oh, my God! You piece of...

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

My apologies, sir.

I thought it better to meet here.

No official record, unlike the Oval.

I read your dossier.

Just checking, none of them know, right?

I mean, this is still containable? Absolutely.

We met the women under the pretence of a NASA recruitment drive.

We told them that, uh, Operation Saviour

had reignited interest in the space programme.

This then allowed us to perform thorough medical tests

without arousing suspicion.

Including their fertility?

Well, that was more problematic.

We ended up spiking their drinks one night.

Don't tell me, I don't want to know.

(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)

Still, needs must, hmm?

Now, I was wondering whether, uh, (CLEARS THROAT)

we shouldn't bench her, and bring her in instead?

(CHUCKLES) Oh, sir, this is our embryologist.

We need her, right, Scotty?

Hmm? PRESIDENT: General Gaines.

This isn't a request.

Is this weird for you?

Yeah.

Well, we have one thing in common.

So, I think that maybe I should just start at the beginning.

I was 18.

Living over here.

I had just been kicked out of school.

I was really going off the rails.

And that's when I met Mary.

We'd only been together a month,

and she got pregnant.

And I panicked.

I mean, the thought of starting a family. I was...

I was 18,

I barely knew her.

So I asked her to...

Terminate the pregnancy.

She said no.

And so I left.

I never even said goodbye.

Ah. Here we go. (CHUCKLES)

Aw, this is nice, isn't it?

Everyone getting to know each other.

And we've got biscuits.

(CHUCKLES)

Go on, Father. Have a finger.

DAVE: Oh. (LAUGHING)

Sorry.

I've given you my cup by mistake.

That's embarrassing.

Sorry, did we interrupt?

You carry on.

I told you I don't come out of this well.

But I was such a mess then.

You were better off without me.

Oh, so walking out was really an act of kindness?

No, it was cowardice.

I was just saying that maybe there was an upside for you.

So why are you here now?

I wanted to pay my respects to Mary,

but mostly, I wanted to meet you.

And ask for your forgiveness.

Was she mad when you knew her?

Was she hearing voices?

No.

'Cause by the time she gave birth,

God was chatting away to her.

Told her to dump me in a car park, so she did,

just like you abandoned her.

Maybe because you abandoned her.

Jamie, I'm so sorry. I had no idea.

There's your little legacy.

Thanks, Dad.

And now you want forgiveness to make yourself feel better?

Well, I'm sorry, no.

You ruined her life,

and you are not forgiven.

(DOOR OPENS)

.

(DOOR CREAKING)

(DOOR OPENING)

(GRUNTS)

(GROANING)

I love you too, Mom.

What?

(GROANS) Oh, my God.

Is that...

Yeah. (LAUGHS)

Oh! Oh, your nose. Huh?

Your nose. Oh, baby.

(MUFFLED) Uh, Mom. Mom, you smell really bad.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(SOBBING) I know, I know.

But you're just going to have to deal with it,

because I'm not letting you go.

(SOBBING)

PAULA: Aw!

That's him dressed as a mutant turtle.

He was obsessed with them.

Oh, and that was just after he wet himself at Thorpe Park...

(LAUGHS) Oh, and this is when we all went...

Paula, thank you.

This has been so lovely,

but I think we should probably be going.

Oh, no, don't go!

(STAMMERS) He'll be back in a bit.

He doesn't want me here.

And having walked out on him once before,

I don't have much right to walk back in uninvited.

I would have been a terrible father.

And when I look at those photos, I see how happy he was.

That's 'cause of you, Paula.

You were able to give him a life I never could have.

I don't know the first thing about what a happy family is.

Mine was all yelling and whisky glasses flying through the air...

Jude, shut up.

What is this?

PAULA: That's Jamie's.

He threw it away. It's... It's complicated.

It's her, from Poland.

Is he... Is he married to this woman?

The little girl, she told me her father worked in a bank.

Holy crap.

What are you two on about?

Paula, I think Jamie has a daughter.

It's his bloody voicemail again.

Jamie, call me, yeah? It's urgent.

Are you absolutely sure about this?

'Cause he's been through a lot lately.

The dates work.

And the girl said her father works in a bank.

Right.

We'll check the bank and the bowling alley.

You do the pubs.

Ah, Father, you come with me.

Milady, your carriage awaits.

Oh.

Where have you been living?

With Uncle Scotty.

And his boyfriend.

How long has Scotty had a boyfriend?

Four years.

Four years?

How come he never told us?

Is he happy?

Who cares?

Don't say that. He totally abandoned you.

Why do you stick up for him?

Because growing up he was all I had.

We've always looked after each other.

Well, he's not doing that any more.

(TYRES SCREECHING) (SIRENS WAILING)

Run!

(DOORS SLAM OPEN)

Okay, I want every exit sealed,

but check the library first.

SUTTON: You ever meet your father?

You don't look like him.

He's a beautiful man.

Thank you for your kind words.

Shame he didn't have more kids

before he retired from all that.

Instead, all I get is you.

What?

Nothing.

Just, you know, if you need your family's blood,

you could ask.

My kids wouldn't help.

They hate me.

I don't blame them, I was a lousy mother.

(SIGHS) That whole... (EXHALES)

Maternal instinct thing isn't very me.

Gerbils eat their babies. I can empathise.

Plus, it's complicated,

what with me being dead and everything.

I had a few legal issues back in the '80s.

I was innocent, of course. Of course.

Of course.

But I had to disappear.

The point is, I can't risk being found now.

Can't risk my kids snitching on me.

Don't think I'd exactly thrive in a correctional institution.

But if Saviour fails, then it all changes.

They'll need my bunker.

Okay, that's it. He's done.

(SIGHS)

Grandma.

I know what it's like to disappear.

I spent years making myself invisible.

I don't understand how you found me.

SUTTON: We didn't find you. You found us.

We were following your Uncle Scotty.

.

Anything? OFFICER: Library's clear.

CARTER: Can't win here, Rhonda.

(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)

What?

Whereabouts?

And this is genuine?

911 just got a call.

McNeil car-jacked someone at a drive-through three miles from here.

We all moving out. Let's go. Let's go!

We're good.

What the hell just happened?

No idea.

But let's make the most of it.

SCOTTY: Psst!

(WHISPERS) Who is that? (WHISPERS) I don't know.

SCOTTY: (WHISPERS) I'm in 403.

(LAUGHS)

Scotty? What the hell?

Did they buy it?

That call was you?

How the hell did you get in there?

I spent pretty much all of sixth to tenth grades stuffed in lockers.

Turns out it's kind of like riding a bike.

Also turns out I'm a bit fatter than I was.

Can I get a little, a little help?

SCOTTY: Yep. Okay. All right.

(CHUCKLES)

So I guess this is where you tell me I'm a terrible brother?

Well, you're here now.

Come here.

I love you, you big loser.

I love you, too... Oh, wow, wow.

Wow, you smell like a skunk whose wife just left him.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, yeah, okay, don't push your luck, all right?

There's smaller lockers over there.

(CHUCKLES)

(WHISPERS) Come on.

(SNIFFLES)

Why are you volunteering, Jamie?

Um, it's complicated.

I'd like to think I could still make a difference, I guess.

I don't really feel like I've achieved much.

I wasted years waiting for my wife.

Then it turned out she was married to my brother.

And what else?

My mum lied to me for 30 years.

My other mum thought I was the son of God,

and in return, God dumped a ton of bricks on her.

I dug her grave this morning.

And then my dad showed up for the first time in my life.

And I was just so angry with him.

But...

Really I'm angry with myself.

Because I've wasted my life.

Yeah, that just about covers it.

Okay, I'm just gonna tick the "Wants to help others" box.

And I see you've nominated your mum and your friend Dave

to receive Nocturnapram in the event that the comet hits.

Yeah. Good.

They'll be notified immediately.

Now, I'm legally obliged to inform you that

there are risks associated with what you're about to do.

Side effects can include vomiting, internal bleeding, paralysis of the thumbs,

depression, breathing difficulties, hair loss,

heart palpitations, death, and in some cases, erectile dysfunction.

So are you sure you want to do this, Jamie?

Yes.

Absolutely.

(HONKING)

Get out the way, you stupid prat!

Maybe a few deep breaths would be good.

It's not like Jamie.

He wouldn't just disappear like that. (MOBILE PHONE RINGS)

Check that for me, will you, Father? Just in case it's him.

"Congratulations, you've been nominated

"to receive a course in Nocturnapram."

(TYRES SCREECHING)

PAULA: Twice! Unbelievable!

Get out the way, you prat! (HORNS BLARING)

(TYRES SCREECHING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Four years?

Four years you guys have been together,

and you never introduced me.

Your ashamed of me, is that it? No, no.

We're just...

We're just private people.

Car. What?

I thought you said no one ever comes here.

They don't, that's why we bought the place.

No, it's okay. It's okay.

It's okay.

Um...

I'll handle it.

(DOOR OPENING)

You must be Rhonda.

You must be Arnold.

Scotty, a word.

Excuse us.

It's nice to finally meet you.

Likewise.

GAINES: I've been out there, fighting for our plan.

You know, trying to stop this whole thing from turning to crap!

And where were you? I was helping my sister.

Yeah. Okay, yeah, and you know what?

It felt great.

For the first time in a long time,

I did something that actually made me feel okay about myself.

She's always had my back

and I am disgusted with myself that I abandoned her.

So how'd you get her out?

I faked a 911.

Please tell me you didn't use your own phone.

Oh... Scotty.

Now all they got to do is trace the call.

Yeah.

Okay, um...

I'll do my... I'll do my best to protect you.

But, uh...

We can't afford to both be sucked into this.

Wait a minute.

One of us has got to be there to see the bunker through.

What are you saying? I need plausible deniability.

I'll be under suspicion if they know I'm with you.

So I'll move my stuff into a hotel...

Arnie, Arnie, this is ridiculous.

Is it?

I don't think you've left us with any other option.

They think she's a terrorist.

We can't both be accessories.

One of us has to keep his security clearances.

You've made your choice.

I love you.

And I love you, too.

But right now, who cares?

.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

Excuse me...

My boy is in there, and I'm getting him.

Not without an appointment, love, sorry.

Oh, I see.

You want a tumble, do you?

Is that what you're after? Come on, then! Back off!

(ALL SHOUTING)

(SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

FATHER JUDE: Jamie! Wait!

Jamie. Jamie, please. Don't go in there!

We're very busy.

Jamie, you have a daughter.

What are you talking about?

We met Layla, a few days ago.

And I know that it's complicated between you.

Yeah, just a bit.

I wonder who the father is. Thanks for depressing me even more.

The little girl, she drew this.

She said this is her father, that he works in a bank.

She drew you.

And look, she's wrote where she lives. You can find her.

I can't handle this right now.

Jamie, I understand. Look...

You hate me because I ran away.

How is going in that room any different?

Is that what you want?

To be like me?

Jamie!

Jamie!

Jamie.

Get down here, right now.

I said right now, young man.

Right, I'll count to three.

One, two...

Mum, I'm 30 years old.

I'm doing the talking now, sunshine.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

Do you think I want some drug to survive?

Do you think I'd even want to survive without you?

You are loved, Jamie.

And I want you to feel how I feel.

If there's a chance that this girl is yours,

then you go and find her.

You put all this Layla crap behind you,

and you jump in with both feet.

And you pour every part of you

into being her dad.

Your time, your energy, your love.

You pour it all in until you don't even know where you end

and she begins.

And you hope that will be enough.

That they'll be happy.

And that you never, ever, have to see your daughter in a place like this.

Now.

I've got fish fingers for tea.

Are you coming or what?

Off back to the Vatican, then?

Yeah.

Dave said he'd give us a ride to the airport.

Um...

I was thinking, after the comet,

if there is an after, I could...

I haven't seen Rome.

You should come. It's, uh...

It's very beautiful. And, um, full of history, and...

I'd love to show you around.

And vice versa, obviously, if you want to come back to Slough.

'Cause you've barely scratched the surface here, so...

Jamie?

What are you gonna do?

I think I'm going to find my daughter.

See what this whole dad thing's about.

(MONITOR BEEPING)

I'm guessing my results came back.

SUTTON: Hepatitis, I'm afraid.

You've come to kill me, haven't you?

I think that'd be a mistake.

Well, of course you do.

But then again, you are a little biased, aren't you?

Go on.

ARIEL: I'm just like you, Grandma.

We could do great things together.

Plus, if you kill me, you'll never know what I know.

Our family's bigger than you think.

SUTTON: Explain.

Maybe Jude has another child.

You're lying. I'd know.

Not if they were abandoned as a baby.

And what if he or she has a child?

Your great grand-daughter.

Six years old.

(WHISPERS) Imagine how clean that blood is.

What's her name?

And where is she?

Why would I tell you that without something in return?

We both want to survive, so let's make a deal.

You let me go,

save me a place in here,

and I'll get the girl.

(WHISPERS) A living, breathing blood bank.

Deal?

Deal.