Original subtitles

- I'm engaged. - To who? - Ranesh.

You've only known this man for six weeks.

- You invited mad Amber? - Yes.

People have this image of scientists as antisocial, a bit autistic.

- But I am. - You're autistic.

I'm pretty sure Declan is, too.

There's a new coffee sheriff in town.

Do you want to go with me to get a not-hot beverage?

Yeah. Oh, sh... Oh, sorry.

Dr Katherine Dunn posted a vacancy online that's getting

the dinosaur gang hot under the collar.

If you got it, would you go? You may now kiss the bride.

I'm guessing you got the postdoc, then?

I can see the dig, but I also want... I want you.

- Knutsford. - What? - Slap bang

in the middle of Glasgow and the Isle of Wight.

- Why don't we meet there? - Knutsford.

- Knutsford. I'll miss you. - I'll miss you too.

- Bye, Nina. - Bye, Nina.

This programme contains some strong language and adult humour

IMITATES DAVID ATTENBOROUGH: And here we see the apex predator

approaching her prey.

She stalks slowly.

One wrong movement and it could all be over.

After months in the wild, she's learned how to survive.

Die! Aha!

Do you think I'm getting better at the accent?

Aye, aye, it's getting there. Needs more gravitas.

- Less gravel. - Oh, I get it.

You guys are doing David Attenborough.

Let me try.

I'm David Attenborough and I keep getting unhinged

fan mail from an angry Scottish...

I...I don't send David Attenborough fanmail any more.

Hi, Clay. You're looking even

more rugged than last month's video call.

Thanks, buddy. I've been working on my core - dig life!

- That's...great. - You should spend less time on your core

and more time on your

David Attenborough impersonation, it's shite.

What, would you tell her to stop bullying me?

CHUCKLES

I can't believe I'll see you

in person at the end of this week and with no-one else there.

- Are you guys talking about me? - Oh, go away,

- American Horror Story. - How did I convince you to meet me

in Knutsford on your way back to Scotland?

Oh, I was easily swayed. You were nice.

I still maintain it is highly illogical.

Oh, it is, it is. I just think, no dust,

no bugs, no interruptions from American scientist bro!

I'm still here. Scotland, come on,

I don't mean to break this up, but we really got to get going.

If you're fast,

- I might let you drive Buggy Malone. - You don't let me do anything.

- I need to go. - Yeah. No, I can't wait to see...

- WOMAN: - He's taken my biscotti!

Put the biscotti down!

MAN SHOUTS

It's all kicking off here. Nina, that guy's back.

- I'll see you soon. - Mm.

Oh, my homeland.

Oh.

My baby knows that she don't owe me a dollar

She calls me up when she wanna...

You're mouth breathing again.

Come on, Boning Myrtle.

Bad vibes are ruining our final day out here.

You know what? I might not give you your end-of-expedition present now.

- You bought me a present? - Yeah, and I'm beginning to suspect

you didn't get me an end-of-expedition present.

Those suspicions would be founded.

- You ready? - Mm-hm. - Whatcha!

Just a little something to mark our final week together.

It's from that article about us in the local paper.

- See? I look handsome. - I already have a mug.

- Well, fine. I'll take it back. - No!

It's rude to take back presents.

INSECT BUZZES

- Bastard! - Hey. - I wasn't talking about you.

I can't wait to meet the heathens who raised you.

- When do your family get here? - Later on today,

though I don't know what my dad's planning.

Evie says he's got two guitars and an amp.

You guys are like the Von Trapps.

Oh, we're nothing like the Von Trapp family.

I mean, my sister has terrible taste in men,

but she draws the line at banging a Nazi postman.

Can I grab you, Dr MacArthur?

If this is about what I was googling on the work computer,

- I didn't know you could see that. - Please...

No. No, we all have our little peccadilloes.

No, I've got some exciting news. We've secured funding from

National Geographic to extend again, which is a real boon.

- That is a real boon. Congratulations. - Thank you.

And I'd like for you to stay on.

I know, I know, you were all set to go home on Sunday.

Because of the extension and the further commitment,

we would be discussing having you listed

as first author on the next paper.

- Higher billing! - Yeah.

- How long are we talking? - Um, six months.

- Maybe a year. - A year?

But I also know how dedicated you are.

Not everyone wants to work through Christmas like we do, Nina.

- But we're grafters, aren't we? - That's what they say about Nina.

- She's a grafter. - Can I count you in?

I can't think of a single reason why I can say no.

So...yes, I'm saying yes.

It's just like,

all that time I spent listening to her talk about her Pomeranian

Jeff, and she still wanted you to stay and not me.

Oh, Jeff's a dog? I thought that was her husband.

Even after eight months of you being all like,

"Oh, I cannae stand these wee bugs.

"Take me back to bonnie Glascow."

- Glasgow? - Yeah, I've heard it both ways.

I'm going to have to tell my family.

Then I'm going to have to phone Shane, and I hate phoning Shane,

but he's expecting me back in the office next week.

I don't know.

Seeing as I'm a free ranger after this,

maybe I'll give famous Shane a call, see what he's up to.

Maybe he'll need cover.

Well, life doesn't work like that, Clayton.

ALL: Isle a, Isle a fucking Wight!

Brace yourself.

- Our doctor wee Prof! - It's the Queen digger hersel'.

Island life, baby!

Oh, and who's this handsome big man, Nina? Is this a new friend?

Family, this is my colleague Clayton. He's from America.

So please speak slowly and clearly.

Uh, don't worry, I speak three languages,

so I can pick up regional dialects pretty easily.

All right, pal, how are you daeing?

You've got teeth like Champion the Wonder Horse, son,

check the size of your heid!

I heard head and horse.

Is this some kind of a mafia initiation?

I'm only kidding, pal. Godfather. What a film.

Big Marlon Brando, huh?

Our wheat puff hasn't put you through the wringer, has she?

Ah, well, it's not been easy. She did,

uh, let me touch her favourite pen last week.

Uh, wasn't allowed to use it, but, you know.

Big step for us, eh, Nina?

You weren't lying about the guitars.

Oh, don't get him started.

It was the long, hot summer of '87.

Promise was in the air. Wet Wet Wet were playing on the Isle of Wight.

I didn't know it then, but my life was about to change forever.

Mum and Dad met because they travelled

all the way to the Isle of Wight

to see a band that played down the road in Glasgow.

Our eyes locked over Angel Eyes. And by Sweet Little Mystery,

- I was in his tent, pulling down his... - Mum!

Here we are once more, searching for that sacred spot

where we might have made your brother.

- Oh! - I get mixed up with the dates.

And we're also here to retrieve Nina.

Well, I mean, I have a bunch of follow-up questions.

Happy to give you the uncensored version, amigo.

Why don't you tell

that lovely story on the way to the pub? Eh?

- We'll catch up. - To the pub. Come on.

- I've missed you. - I've missed traditional plumbing.

And you.

Mm. So, did Clayton show you his favourite pen?

Shut up!

This is my caravan.

It smells like you.

OK, tell me everything. How has the end of the dig been?

How's Lee? Do you miss him? Has he been in touch?

Are you buzzing to see him?

The end of the collection expedition has been good.

- Lee is fine, I think. And I was... - What's that?

It's a mug. Clayton bought me it, for a laugh.

No man gives a woman a novelty mug unless he wants a ride.

- Is that a Chinese proverb, Evie? - Two suitors on the go.

- Look at you. - It's not like that.

- I need to tell you something. - Weighted blanket?

Weighted blanket.

- OK, go. - Dr Dunne has just told me that they're going to extend

the dig for at least six more months,

and she's asked me to head the next stage, and I said yes.

Why aren't you saying anything?

Well...that's good.

Good, you're going for what you want, if that's what you want.

It's a noble expedition, and I'm proud to be a part of it.

So you haven't been sending me songs about yearning

for Scotland in the middle of the night?

NINA SIGHS

I said I wanted to be a serious palaeontologist.

And if I leave, that means I've failed.

Kind of sounds like you're digging your heels

in because it's what you think you should do.

I appreciate the pun, Evie, but I don't do that.

You literally watched all six seasons of Lost just to see it through.

That's because I wanted to know why there were polar bears. And then I

just got stuck watching it out of morbid curiosity.

OK, but you're

definitely not staying just to avoid taking the next step with Lee?

No. I like Lee, I want to see where things go,

but I can't put my whole career on hold

for a man who I've been on one date with,

- Evie, what would Gloria Steinem say? - I will survive?

That was Gloria Gaynor, and you know that.

I'm going to phone Lee

and I'm going to tell him, and he's going to understand.

- Unlike you. - What if he doesn't?

BOTH STRAIN

Oh! God, you're freakishly strong.

I've been doing puppy CrossFit with Ranesh.

- That's really cute. - Thanks. - Hello?

Hello?

- My shoes! - Am I talking to your butt again, Nina?

No, I phoned you on purpose.

BANGING ON DOOR

There was something that I needed to speak to you about.

Oh, yeah?

- Dr Dunne says they're going to extend the expedition. - Nina!

And they've asked me to stay on, and I said yes.

Uh, again? Uh... How long?

- Six months to a year. - Nina. - That's a long time.

They're going to give me first author,

- and that's really prestigious. - Uh, wow.

- Um. Well done. - Thanks.

Maybe we could...

Maybe we could meet in Knutsford in a couple of weeks?

Um, when everything's settled down. And I know you had all these plans,

and I was really excited.

- Yeah, it was never really about Knutsford for me. - I know.

The thing is, Nina...

..I'm serving all these customers, but,

um, none of them are you.

I was really looking forward to going on a date

where my foot didn't get stuck in a toilet.

Yeah, so was...

- I-I need to go. - OK.

KNOCKING

Mum and Dad are not going to be happy about this.

- We are so happy about this! - Good for you, Nean Bean.

- Where's Clay? - Your big American pal? - Mm-hm.

He ran away after me and your ma tried to teach him the slosh.

Have you seen the price of these pints?

Oh, it costs more on the island, because of the shipping.

Our Nina, superstar digger. I'm texting smug Sandra from

the book club, just to rub her face in it.

- Her daughter works in tech. - Her daughter's a millionaire, Ma.

Could she come here and buy me a pint?

Dad, don't you want Nina closer to home?

Nina's a nomad now. Her home is where her wee brushes and bones are.

- Ain't that right, Bean? - Remember, Evie,

ours is not to question why.

Maybe you should fucking question why.

It didn't seem to bother you

when you got engaged after six weeks.

No! What about Real Housewives and Takeaway Tuesdays

and walking around

all the wee dodgy parks in case we uncover a homicide?

- We can do that remotely. - No, it's not the same.

- Yes, it is. - No, Nina, it's not the same.

THEY ARGUE

Stop bickering. Right,

- let's capture this moment with a photo... - Mum!

- LAUGHING: - That's lovely!

Right. I'm calling Ranesh. Need input from someone normal.

PHONE TRILLS

- My love. We built a fort. Look. - Who's we?

- Peekaboo! - Shouldn't you be at work?

Taking a personal day and bonding with my brother-in-law.

Oh, that construction is class, Nesh!

Well, the secret is curtain rods, Ade, to reinforce the ceiling.

- The student has become the master. - Is that normal, is it?

- Nesh? - Well, hello there, Nina.

Nina's not coming home with us. Dr Dunne wants her to stay.

What?! Oh!

Oh, Nina, that's just...

Ranesh, are you crying?

No way. I'm just so happy for you.

What with all the struggles you face with your autism.

- Ugh! - Nish. Don't you think it's a huge mistake?

Nina staying on a dig that she hates.

Well, who am I to stand between Nina and her dreams?

EXCLAIMS

- Bawbag. - What happened

to your dirty weekend away to Knutsford?

Was it mum and dad going to drive you?

Which is really weird, by the way.

It wasn't a dirty weekend.

- It was a Sunday and a Monday, and it wasn't... - Is that my neckerchief?

We've got to go, my honey blossom. I've got hot cocoa on the hob.

- When did they two become a couple? - Listen,

we'd better get an early night

if we are going to relive the magic of '87 tomorrow.

Mm-hm. We're hiking to the sacred spot to get your ma

wet, wet, wet.

ALL EXCLAIM

Three wets is a bit ambitious, even for you.

- Bye, girls. - Oh.

- Nina, we need to talk about this. - I don't want to talk about it.

No, listen.

There are seven palaeontology spots in Glasgow

and you have one of them.

They're only going to cover that for so long.

- You don't understand. - Oh, what cos I'm not some big

- go-getter career woman, like you? - That's not what I said.

And it's not what I meant.

It's just you don't say no to Dr Dunne.

Don't think it's as black and white as that.

Tomorrow, come with me to the site. It'll help me explain.

What do you think?

Yeah, whatever.

There's, like, loads of rocks in the museum in Glasgow.

Yeah. There are, but here we're on

the front line of discovery. We're some of the first people...

..ahh!

- They are so cute. - Evie, Those are 140 million years old.

- Please put it down. - OK.

Everything we find

helps fill in the picture of a world long forgotten.

And it makes everything worth it.

- Plus, they let me drive a buggy. - Why do you only

tell me the bad stuff on the phone?

I don't know. Cos I really love complaining.

You do love complaining. And you really love old rocks.

Guilty as charged.

Evie...

..if I'm going to do this, I need you to support me.

Like, remember how I supported you during your unhinged engagement?

You tried to sabotage my engagement at every turn.

Hardly. Just a bit.

And then I totally came round in the end.

In the words of my favourite New Jersey housewife...

- IMITATES ACCENT: - Let me tell you something about my family.

- We're thick as thieves. - And we protect each

other till the end!

Do you think I could sell these on my Etsy?

Absolutely not. But I can take you for a ride on Buggy Malone,

and then we can meet Mum and Dad later for dinner?

- Please. - We can go over speed bumps. - Oh, my God!

Where are they? They were meant to be here hours ago.

Oh, I knew we should have set clearer boundaries with them.

We should have got them checked

and tagged when I suggested it last year.

SIREN CHIRPS

Oh, no.

Hello, Officer.

- What appears to be the problem? - We got complaints from a farmer

about drunk and disorderly behaviour.

- Nina, the policeman's Scottish! - Nina, what a day we have had!

- Mum, this is serious. - I'm so sorry

- they've been so disruptive, Officer. - You know,

these are the same shorts I had in '87.

Surely they're a crime. Maybe you can give them a caution.

If a man enjoying a summer's day in his jorts

were a criminal offence, young lady,

I'd be a bent copper.

Ah! He's brilliant, isn't he, Nina? Brilliant.

Right, bed. Now! You've got a long drive tomorrow, sir.

Dad! Stop lunging, your bing-bongs

are going to pop out, and I work on this island.

He's forgot his guitar.

Never again, I swear.

I feel grim. Like Bela Lugosi's arsehole.

Well, well, well, look who it isn't.

Bye, Beanie.

SHOUTING: Bye, Mum. Bye, Dad.

- Bye, Evie. - I'm Nina.

- I hope you find the good bones. - Thank you, sister.

Oh.

DOOR SLAMS

Oh.

Bet you wish you first met in Glasgow.

Just drive, man!

I'll see you in six months.

I'm only a seven-hour drive and a ferry ride away.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Package for you, Nina.

Said like a poet...

Here are some things

I pulled together from your favourite place.

See you in Knutsford, Lee. Kiss.

Man, I could have been someone

Man, I could have been someone...

PHONE BUZZES

- Hello. - Hi, Lee. It's me. It's Nina.

I've made a mistake.

I thought that if I didn't stay here,

then I'd be failing. But I've realised that if I don't do

what I really want, then that's failing.

What do you really want?

I want to come home.

I can still make it to Knutsford by five,

if I catch up with my family.

Do you think you'll be able to still get your train?

- Wait, are you sure this time? - Yeah, I'm sure.

What, what made you change your mind?

Your package.

Really?

You ain't seen nothing yet.

SHE CHUCKLES

- That drawing you did. - Oh. Oh, yeah. The, the doodle.

- Um, Ninasaurus. - I really liked it.

I just want you to see what, what I see.

You have no idea how difficult

it was to get your colleagues to send half-normal things.

Declan said that you'd like the smell of the dirt.

- I do like that smell. - Anyway, I sent

that sausage roll about four weeks ago,

so if you eat it, you might die.

Right, the race is on!

Whoo!

- Shitehawk! - Hey, hey, pretty sure that's Scottish for

I'm going through something. You OK?

I've decided that I'm going to go home,

and I need to get to my parents before they get on the ferry.

And they're not picking up their fucking phones,

because they're probably having a singalong.

You were going to go home without saying goodbye?

I wrote you a note.

- Wow, so moving and heartfelt. - What do you want, an essay?

It was a last-minute change of heart.

Yeah, I know. Just gave me whiplash, is all.

I understand. I just told

Dr Dunne and I really need to go home.

So unless you can use

that big American head to help me solve this problem...

OK, OK. OK, OK. Uh, OK. Um...

CLICKS FINGERS

I got it.

- Let's go. - Time is of the essence.

- Wait. My stuff. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll get your...

OK.

Just keep... Keep going.

Oh, my gosh. We should totally document this for my socials.

Can you take a photo?

I knew Buggy Malone wouldn't be able to catch up with Mum and Dad's Volvo.

What was I thinking? What were you thinking?!

Just... Nina...

This plan is crazy enough that it just might work.

LOUD WHIRRING

- What's that noise? - Huh? - What's that noise?

- Oh, no. - Oh, Buggy Malone is dying!

Oh, if I only knew how

To sail your river

Oh, if I only knew how...

I was supposed to meet him in Knutsford at five.

Can't change the plan again.

You know, I mean, look how the weather changed.

Maybe the universe has another plan for you.

PHONE RINGS

Selfie!

CAMERA SHUTTER

Yeah, that's hot.

They're going to find my bones in 140 million years,

on this island. All weathered and chipped.

MUSIC PLAYS

What's that noise?

Sounds like a party.

- All right, big man. - Hey, folks. - What are yous doing here?

- And how, how are you so far behind us? - Mum kept stopping to boak.

- It's your dad's driving. - What are you doing here?

- I changed my mind. I want to come home. - Yes!

Well, get in.

- Thank you. - Hey, she did us proud, until she didn't.

Maybe one day I'll drive her up to Glascow.

- It's Glasgow. - Heard it both ways. - Of course you have.

- And...? - What? - I was right.

I was wrong. I was digging my heels in.

I didn't like the island. I wanted to come home.

Yada, yada, yada. Blah, blah, blah, etc, etc...

None of that matters because I have to be at Knutsford for five.

- Hurry up, Dad! - Right.

- Do you need a lift into town? - Ah, no can do.

Captain always goes down with the ship.

- Don't worry. I'll get her fixed up. - OK, bye.

Bye, Nina.

He's a lovely big fella.

Never stop looking

Never stop looking for Linda...

- Are you ready? - I'm shitting myself.

- Literally? - No!

- Why are you meeting him in a park? - Because, Evie,

that bench right there is the exact middle point

between Glasgow and the Isle of Wight.

When he said he wanted to do

the whole meet-in-the-middle thing, I thought,

why not be really accurate, like, to the metre?

Because precision is so hot.

- We'll wait till he gets here. - Yeah, in case he's catfished you.

He's not catfished me, Dad. I've met him.

Ah, you never know, with AI.

OK.

- Wish me luck. - Good luck. - And don't let them come over.

No.

PHONE RINGS OUT

Hello! You've reached Lee's phone. I'm not here right now,

but call back later, and I hopefully will be.

Hello! You've reached Lee's phone. I'm not here right now...

Hello. You've reached Lee's ph...

Where is he?

So, what was the vibe between you and Lee today?

It was fine. I don't know the standard

unit measurement of vibage, but I think it was fine.

Do you want me to check your phone?

Yes, please.

Erm, maybe it's because you've sent him

a picture of you and your work husband all cosied up.

I'm not cosied up with anybody.

There was limited space in Buggy Malone.

And he's not my work husband. He's not my husband of any sort,

because we haven't signed any official documents.

- So, huh... - Kind of looks like you're up to something.

It's getting late, wheat puff. The M6 will be chocka.

- Time to hit the road, Bean. - Yeah. Yeah. You're right.

Yeah.

Stop everything!

Is this the hangover talking, or is that Tommy from Wet Wet Wet?

That's just your hangover, love.

PHONE CHIMES

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