Original subtitles

Today's the day.

Today's the day.

What? Don't look at me like that.

It could happen.

Good morning.

Yes.

Yes!

I'll think about it.

That's a proposal-worthy face. Right?

Well, I'd marry you.

Hey. Teddy? Come on.

What? You lick your own butt.

I'm feeling much better, thank you for asking.

Oh.

So, when do we pick up the ring?

Morning, Mom.

You know, I already told you

I'm gonna pick up the ring on my lunch hour.

So, you know, I actually don't need any help.

- Yeah, I know. - Thanks.

But you know how forgetful you are.

And that cold medicine makes you loopy.

Yeah, well, I don't know,

I feel like I'm not gonna forget

my engagement ring,

even with a cold.

But I appreciate it.

And don't stop taking that medicine.

You know, no woman wants to say yes

to a crusty nose.

You have to remember you only have one day a year

when you can propose on December 30th.

You know, three generations of Reeds can't be wrong.

Yeah, I'm well aware. No, I know.

But I gotta go, okay? But I'll talk to you later.

Oh, who'd have thought, my son,

two times Student Samaritan of the Month,

engaged to a girl with her own park bench? Like...

I know. I know.

All right, well, I love you, okay? Gotta go. Bye.

Oh, and just one more thing...

Oh, shit!

Dad proposed to you after one week.

Well, that was a different time.

And your dad wanted to get laid.

Oh, as a matter of fact, he's on his way back now.

We're in our hotel room, so...

Okay, TMI, Mom.

Anyway, he made dinner reservations

and says he wants to talk.

Oh, I hope it's not cancer.

What if the first time you're meeting my boyfriend,

you're actually meeting my fiancé?

Okay, we've been down this road before

and it never ends well.

Look, you have a date to the wedding,

just take the win.

I wonder if it's too late to get a spray tan.

Your sister will kill you

if you have a tan at her winter wedding.

Well, maybe I want to be tanned for my winter proposal.

I will meet you at the bridal shop at noon.

Do not be late. Again.

Love you.

Morning, Doris.

Double tall latte.

You are the sweetest lawyer in the entire building.

Stop.

Oh. Um...

Yeah, it's actually not what you think it is.

Oh, well, it looks like coffee.

Well, then I guess it is what you think it is, Doris.

There we go.

- Hey, buddy. - Hey!

Big night tonight.

Yeah, you a little nervous?

Well, clearly. Oh, shit. Nice.

I get it. It's not every day

you propose to the hottest chick in town.

Oh.

Okay, can you please not refer to my future wife as a chick?

Oh, sorry.

- Empress. Duchess. Mistress. - You know what? No.

She's not like that, okay?

Oh, yeah? You use her Sonicare again?

No, I already told you, that was my fault.

- I should've asked. - Listen, buddy.

There is an unspoken list of things

that couples in relationships can share.

Okay? You've got porn,

you've got razors,

toothbrushes.

- Mostly porn. - Okay. I'm just gonna need you

to stop worrying about my girlfriend

and just focus on getting your own, okay?

Hey, I'm working on it, man.

"I am Sam" is up on Hinge and Tinder.

You know that's a movie

about the mentally disabled guy, right?

- Shit. - Just saying.

I thought I was low on matches.

Oh, my God.

You missed the best party.

Totally should have come.

Yeah, I wanted to, but all you texted me

was the side of a building and the name "Paco."

Paco! Oh, my God. So cute.

We should all grab drinks at lunch.

I can't. I have the stupid final dress fitting.

My sister's worried I'm gonna put on a late 10 pounds

and ruin her perfect aesthetic.

Fine. After work, then.

Stop pretending like you don't know

what's possibly maybe happening tonight.

Why are you getting engaged

to a man who's hiding from your friends?

He's not hiding. He's earning his third-degree black belt.

I mean, that's time-consuming.

And he's getting over a really bad cold.

For three months?

Can you just support me?

Okay? I think I have finally found Mr. Right.

I do support you.

I just think Mr. Right is not the guy that calls you

while he's sitting on your face.

My face is on a park bench.

You're supposed to sit on it and call me.

If they're shopping for homes, not vagina.

He said it was fate.

No!

It's advertising.

Fate is magical.

Fate is supernatural.

Fate is meeting Calvin Harris at Coachella,

losing him in a crowd,

then waking up in Joshua Tree

to find him making s'mores by an open campfire.

Without his shirt on.

That was a fun weekend.

I have to work. Please.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. You're so boring.

- Goodbye. - Bye.

And you're positive he's coming.

Yes, he's coming.

Why do you keep asking me?

Because no one's even met him.

And you do have a history of fake boyfriends.

Okay, that was one time.

Kip is real.

He's my date. You're gonna love him.

- It's $40 a plate. - So?

- $40 a plate. It's just... - Okay, so?

We're not having a rehearsal dinner,

so we can have a really nice reception.

And if he's not coming, then we'll invite Brian's Auntie V.

Oh, okay. Well, screw Auntie V because he's coming.

And if he doesn't, I'll be sure to write you a check.

Well, you can write it out to me.

Who do you think is paying for this thing?

Isn't the groom's family

traditionally supposed to pay for that part?

- Mm... - Okay, sorry, are you calling

Brian's family cheap?

No, they happen to be taking us

to a really fancy brunch the day after the wedding.

Are we almost done here? Because I don't want

to be late for my spray tan appointment, so...

No, no. Mom? See, I told you.

She's gonna ruin the wedding.

Okay, how is me getting a spray tan

gonna ruin the wedding?

I don't know. You'll turn yourself orange

or you'll get UV-poisoning and die.

You will figure out some way

to make my wedding all about...

you.

- Prom? - Still haven't let that go?

- Yeah. - It's not my fault

that Dylan Kidd liked me better than you.

Well, you're the one who gave him a blow job

in the guest bathroom. So, it is your fault.

Yeah, well, that's because you take forever to get ready.

Mom?

It is true, you do.

I knew it. I knew I should've asked Gloria Hefner

to be my maid of honor.

Gloria Hefner has one eyebrow.

How fast can you make another dress?

No, no, no. She's out of the wedding!

- Out, out, yes! Yeah. - Promise? Swear? Promise?

Okay, girls, girls, girls! Enough.

You're sisters.

So, that means, by law, you are bound to pretend

to love each other and be in each other's weddings.

That's just how it goes. Okay?

So, why don't you two say something nice to each other?

Nothing comes to mind, so...

Here you go, sir. Sized and shined.

Oh, my God.

Oh, honey, no, no.

Mom, what are you doing here?

I told you, I don't any help today.

Well, from the looks of this box, you do.

What's wrong with the box?

Well, it's just dull. I mean, it doesn't sing to me.

Do you have these in another color

like gold, or glitter, or faux fur?

Yeah, apparently we're looking for the Beyoncé of ring boxes.

We just have these.

My only son is getting engaged for the very first time in...

I mean, you can understand

how I just want this proposal to be perfect.

And it will be perfect, okay?

So, you don't really have to worry about it.

Uh-huh. So, maybe, I could hear it first?

- Hear what? - Your proposal speech.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

Absolutely not. No.

Just try it out. Just for safety.

No, I'm not proposing to my mother. That's crazy.

Okay. Suit yourself.

- Sorry, this is... - It's a nice box.

It's a really nice box.

Well, it's only the single-most important thing

you'll ever say to a woman, but, uh,

you'll be fine just winging it.

Okay. You know what? One time.

But you say nothing.

All right.

Babe?

Ever since I saw your face,

staring up at me from that park bench,

I knew that you were the one for me.

Your beauty, your drive, your energy...

I mean, I never thought that some guy like me

would end up with an incredible woman like you.

You inspire me.

You challenge me.

You push me out of my comfort zone

because I know you just want me to be a better man.

And because of you, I am.

Clementine,

will you please do me the great honor

of becoming my wife?

Oh! Honey, of course, I will.

Aw. - All right.

That's that. All right.

- Oh! Oh, God! - No, it's not cool. Just...

I'll take these.

Wow!

You look stunning.

You look quite dapper yourself.

I'm so glad you're feeling better.

Oh, well, I'm still taking the cold medicine,

just to be safe.

Yeah, I know this place is kind of a surprise, but, um,

you know, it's sentimental for me.

My family actually does

their New Year's day brunch here, every year.

I think Bennigan's is fun.

I mean, the cocktails are super creative.

Ooh, yeah, should we order drinks?

Peach on the Beach looks good.

Oh, my God, Peach on the Beach is the best.

I am so excited for tomorrow.

I mean, I can't wait for you to meet my family.

Uh, the wedding starts at-00.

Yeah, yeah. So, I'm just gonna go into the city,

meet the guys, and then, I should have plenty of time

to come back, shower.

And then, uh, I'll be at your place by-00?

I picked up your tux from the dry cleaner,

so you can just get ready at mine.

Perfect.

You know, it's funny,

even though we haven't been together that long...

I know, I can't believe it's only been three months.

Feels like forever.

You know, it's funny, my parents

actually have this saying,

"When you know, you know."

"When you know, you know."

Believe it or not, they, uh...

they actually got engaged at a Bennigan's.

Welcome to Bennigan's.

OMG.

I know you.

You're the Fletcher's Mattress girl.

You're even prettier in person.

Thank you, that's so sweet.

You know, she's also the Muffinland Bakery Queen.

Um, could I get a selfie?

Is this a joke?

I think it's for the best.

You think it's best to dump me

the night before my sister's wedding?

We have had a beautiful adventure

the last few months.

But before things get complicated,

you know, with meeting the family

and seating assignments and...

Uh, I don't want to be a dick.

Oh, you don't want to be a dick?

Well, that's exactly what you're being, Kip.

- You're being a dick. - Whoa.

Okay. Um, look,

I know that my assistant messed up the reservation.

La Boucherie, Bennigan's.

We can still have a nice dinner,

even though it's not French.

No, we can't have a nice dinner, Kip.

Okay? And what, did you think it would be nicer

to dump me over truffle fries and escargot?

One, two, three. Hey.

- There you go. - Oh, my God!

- Thank you! - Yeah, of course.

I'm literally going to die.

Oh, no! Maybe we can get our drinks first?

You're funny.

- He's funny. - Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Are you, um... Are you her manager or something?

Griffin is actually a brilliant lawyer.

He's about to join my uncle's firm.

I am?

One of the partners is leaving.

Margot, I meditated on this last night.

And it came to me in a dream the timing is just not right.

But maybe in another life.

In another life, what?

- Reincarnation. - Oh!

Yes, it's another chance...

- Okay. - and that is on the way

to nirvana.

Wow, well, thank you so much, Kurt Cobain.

That's not the right Nirvana.

And that's what I'm talking about.

It's just, something's not...

What're you doing? You're overreacting.

- Come on, sit down. - You think I'm overreacting?

Okay, this is not overreacting.

This would be overreacting!

Peach on the Beach. What do they put in that?

What is going on?

It's been three months.

What were you expecting? A proposal?

I mean...

No.

Oh...

shit. Okay. Um...

This is awkward.

Okay.

Margot, wait.

Yeah?

I am gonna need the tux.

Do not call me.

Ever.

Ever, ever.

Again.

All right.

Oh, my God, that was so embarrassing.

Babe? From the moment that I saw your face

looking up at me from that park bench...

Oh, my God, are you proposing?

Um...

- Yes. - Yes!

- Yes? - Yes! Oh, my God!

- Yes? Oh, my God. - Yes, I'm so happy!

Oh, my God, I love you so much. Yes, of course.

Now, can you please sit down? Sit down.

You don't want to see the ring?

Oh, I'm sure it's beautiful. I'm sure it's beautiful.

Just, um, save it for the real proposal. Okay?

- The real proposal? - Mm-hmm.

Tomorrow night at our New Year's Eve party.

It'll be perfect.

But, this is perfect.

Tonight. You know, it's December 30th.

It's a Reed family tradition.

I love your traditions.

I just...

We are technically engaged. Yay.

Just do it again like that.

Tomorrow. And I will say yes, again.

I... I don't want to do it again tomorrow, you know?

I just... I just did it.

Here, now. I mean, almost.

Griffin, I...

I just don't see what the big deal is.

Like, you just got your proposal.

And then, me and my followers can get mine.

Well, I guess the big deal is that

I don't want our proposal to be some photo op

for your social media.

It's about us.

It will be about us.

But I have a responsibility to my public and my sponsors.

Griffin, you know I'm a professional influencer,

which means that I get paid

when I influence other people's lives.

Like, what I wear

and what I eat

and where I get engaged.

There is no chance in hell that I'm going to waste

a once-in-a-lifetime golden opportunity

for Death by Chocolate and Turkey O'Tooles, no.

Wait, wait, come on. You're gonna leave?

- We just got engaged. - Whoa. No, no. We did not.

I am taking back my yes.

- Hey! - No, no.

Oh, great.

- Thank you so much. - What?

- Thank you. I don't work here.

- Take me to Maple, please. - No, no, no!

- Can't hear you, sorry. Great.

Just great.

This is...

Ugh. Come on.

- Um, did you see...? - Are you looking for

a tall, redhead, super rude?

- Yeah. - Yeah. I saw her.

She actually just left in my Uber.

Oh, here, she gave me this.

Oh. Thanks. Yeah, sorry, she was upset.

Great job, Bennigan's. Great job.

Uh, do you need help?

Uh...

Not unless you got an engagement ring

in your pocket.

Uh...

This is me.

Good morning, Judy.

It's almost noon. Your sister's losing her mind.

The wedding planner is stuck in Vermont

and the bridal shop forgot to pack the veil.

And the maid of honor is still in bed.

I'm not still in bed.

Christ, he didn't propose, did he?

You got your hopes up and you were wrong,

and now you're falling apart.

I'm not falling apart. No, Mom.

I am not feeling well. At all.

I don't think I should go to the wedding.

I could be contagious.

So, this Kip is still your plus one?

- Yes. - All right, then.

You need to shower yourself in Benadryl,

ice your puffy face and get your butt down

to the hotel to help your sister get married.

Okay. I'll de-puff.

And you'll pick up the veil.

Yes, I'll pick up...

We will pick up the veil.

I'm in hell.

- Surprise! - Jesus Christ!

I got Zara to loan us an amazing suit

for the party tonight.

Sorry, am I missing something here?

Yes.

Me, apologizing.

Look, I'm really sorry about last night.

If you still want my "yes," it's all yours.

Yeah, you know what,

I'm really sorry too, okay? I just...

All I want is for you to have the proposal of your dreams.

Okay? And so, if that means

that we monetize the engagement,

then, yeah, let's... let's do it.

- I support you. - Oh, thank you.

Oh, that... That...

That looks so good.

Uh, you're acting strange.

Are you okay?

Oh. Yes. Sorry, I'm just...

I overslept and I'm gonna be late to meet the guys, so...

I just don't really see why you have to go.

Oh. Yeah. No, I know.

But it's just like our tradition since law school.

You know, Sam's family is Russian.

They just love bathhouses, so...

Yeah.

And you know that I love traditions, but, uh,

traditions can change.

I have to pee. Try on the suit.

Hey, babe, two drink maximum tonight. Okay?

Remember, vodka is not your friend.

Vodka's not my friend. You got it.

Hey, how about I just try this on later.

And then, you could be surprised. Huh?

Did you use my toothbrush?

Uh, no, why?

It's wet.

Oh, well, I mean, I took a shower.

So, I probably just splashed on it or something.

Hmm. I leave it here because I trust you.

And relationships are built on trust.

Uh, don't you think it's weird that you kiss me,

but I can't use your toothbrush?

No.

Some things aren't meant to be shared.

- Oral hygiene is one of them. - Oh.

Davai, davai!

Davai!

She said "yes"? And then she said "no"?

Yes. But it's a yes, I think.

Maybe she changed her mind

about marrying a lowly public defender.

No, wrong. She supports me.

She just thinks I should make a move into corporate.

You hate corporate.

I don't hate corporate.

Are you leaving the office?

No, I mean, it's just a maybe.

Clementine's uncle has a firm.

So, she just wants me to consider it.

Hey, buddy. What do you want?

Listen, I'm getting what I want, okay?

I'm getting... I'm getting her.

Tonight, I'm making it official, again.

- You're getting married? - Yeah.

Yes, a little to celebrate.

Oh, no, no, no. No.

I told Clementine I'm not gonna drink today, so...

Nyet! Nonsense, get up, get up.

Up, up, up, up, up.

You will get married. We toast.

This is the best vodka in the world.

My grandmother had this at her wedding.

You cannot insult his babushka.

Okay, I'm not gonna insult anyone's babushka. One shot.

Na zdorovie!

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. All the way. All the way.

Smell, smell.

Right.

One more cheer.

The beautiful Clementine!

Ooh.

Oh, my darling Oh, my darling

Clementina

Whoo-hoo!

Clementina

Clementina

Clementina

Clementina

Last one.

- Whoo-hoo! - Let's go!

Darling, oh, my darling

- Oh, my darling, Clementina Clementina, Clementina

Thank you.

I have to say a proper goodbye.

Hey, put yourself...

Hey, what's your name?

Gevorg.

Ah, that's my aunt's name.

Okay, I love you too, Gevorg.

Deliver her to 15 Maple Drive, Norwood.

15 Maple...

Go get her, my friend.

Do svidaniya.

- Yep. Do svidaniya.

Do svidaniya.

Who pissed in your Cheerios?

Maybe I should just call him.

The guy just dumped you.

He doesn't get a call. He gets a beating.

I'm sorry, you're not allowed to have alcohol in here.

What about a broken heart?

Is she allowed to have one of those in here?

We're sorry.

I thought this was a place of healing.

Look, seriously, what am I going to do?

I can't show up without a date.

How about him? He seems fun.

What? The wedding's in four hours.

- You can't afford to be picky. - Forget it.

I can't just pick up some random guy off the street

and bring him to my sister's wedding.

Sure, you can.

Hey.

Want to go to a wedding later?

Uh...

Uh, I have plans. Or I would.

Of course, you would.

This is so stupid.

I mean, what kind of a loser

doesn't already have a date for New Year's Eve?

Don't answer that.

Got him.

He's free tonight and he's cute.

Perfect.

15 Maple Drive?

That's right. 15 Maple Drive.

15 Maple Drive.

$96.15

Wait. Maybe $46.15.

But it's fine. 'Cause it's New Year's Eve.

You're supposed to get a tip.

You robbed me.

You robbed me.

Okay, my friend. Happy New Year.

Oh, shit. Oh, God.

Come here, you.

Oh. Oh, shit.

Hi, Teddy.

What are you doing up there?

Why are you so dirty?

Clementine! Look at you.

We're gonna have to talk about that.

- Who the hell are you? - Who the hell are you?

- Well, I live here! - I live here!

- This is my bed. - This is my bed.

- Really? - What?

What a coincidence! We both have a one-eyed teddy bear?

What? Oh.

Why are you naked?

I don't know, I guess I... I took a shower.

- I'm calling the police. - Do I look scary? I'm naked.

That's exactly what's scary.

- Don't... Don't call the cops. - 9-1-1.

911. What's your emergency?

There is a naked deranged man in my house.

- Not deranged, actually. - Does he have a weapon?

Do you have a weapon?

Do I look like I have a weapon?

- Ow. - Karma.

That's what you get for breaking into my house.

Ma'am, are you in danger?

Oh, I didn't break in.

Jesus! I used the spare key under the flower pot.

Wha... And how did you know

there's a spare key under my flower pot?

Because there's a spare key

under every flower pot in Norwood.

Ha! You're not in Norwood, you're in Westwood.

Ma'am, can you please repeat the address?

I am? Jesus.

- Thanks a lot, Gevorg. - Who?

Who's that? Are you alone?

Is there another intruder in the house?

Yeah, of course, I'm alone. I think.

Oh, no. I'm gonna die. This is just like Basic Instinct.

No, no, no. In Basic Instinct,

she ties the guy to the bed and kills him with an icepick.

So, if this is Basic Instinct, then I should be scared.

Then it's Jagged Edge.

In Jagged Edge, Jeff Bridges is wearing a ski mask.

- I'm wearing a towel. - Then it's Rear Window.

In Rear Window, Jimmy Stewart is in a cast,

and Raymond Burr kills his wife

in a completely different apartment.

It doesn't even make sense.

Ma'am, do you even watch movies?

I don't always make it to the end.

I don't know what's going on here, but I'm harmless.

- Okay? I swear. - He sounds harmless to me.

Fine.

But if he dismembers me and makes lamps out of my skin,

it's on you.

Just stay, sit.

Don't bleed on anything.

Oh, my God.

- Here. - Ow!

- That hurts. - You're welcome.

Not to be weird,

but have we met?

No, we haven't met.

I... I'm a real-estate agent.

Maybe you've seen my face on a park bench.

Mm... No, that wasn't it.

Oh, my God! Last night at Bennigan's parking lot.

Okay, are you stalking me?

No, oh, my God, no. I swear.

I don't know why I'm here.

But I live at 15 Maple Drive.

This is 15 Maple Drive.

What? No, that's... that's crazy.

- Oh, no, who's that? - How should I know?

Apparently, this is your house.

Kip?

- What do you want? - My tux.

I texted you I was coming.

I didn't get it. I... I blocked you.

- A bit soon, don't you think? - Goodbye.

Just let me get my tux. And I'll be gone.

The tux you were supposed to wear to my sister's wedding?

Yeah, it's a really nice tux. And I have a...

Fuck.

Um... Uh...

Hi. This...

- I... - Who the hell is this?

- I don't know. Who are you? - I'm her boyfriend.

Ex-boyfriend.

We broke up less than 24 hours ago.

And there's already some naked guy in your apartment?

- I mean, how... - We didn't break up.

You broke up with me.

Wait, you broke up with her right before New Year's Eve?

What a dick!

I know, right? Thank you.

The naked dude is calling me a dick.

What? Do you have a problem with that?

Trust me, you should hope that I don't.

Okay, no, no, no.

You will not threaten my guest.

What is going on here?

Are you drunk? Is this all you?

So, what if I am?

You've drunken some rosé and you've picked up some loser.

Actually, I'm a lawyer, so...

You are?

Ha.

You don't even know what naked guy does for a living.

He could be a serial killer, he could be crazy.

I'm not naked anymore.

Yeah, he can be naked if he wants to be naked.

In fact, we can be naked

all over the place if we want to be.

What does that mean?

It means...

do you want to go to a wedding with me tonight?

Wh... Mm... Uh...

All right, okay, I've seen enough.

Goodbye, Kip.

- Seriously? - I mean,

it felt pretty serious to me.

Okay, no, I get it now. This is a test.

Fortunately, for you, I went through

a grueling heart chakra healing this morning

with my guru over Zoom.

So, I am not about to lose

the progress that I made over this.

- Okay. - Okay.

But, if I see you again,

Sadeep is not going to be happy.

Okay, okay, enough.

Goodbye.

Oh, my God.

- I am so sorry. - Oh, no.

I don't know what came over me, I was...

It's totally fine.

But, you know, I should get going.

Um... Yeah, I was... I just...

About the wedding...

Oh, that was real?

You probably have plans.

I mean, yeah, you could say that.

Yeah, and I mean, who would...

who would go to a wedding with a total stranger

on New Year's Eve?

Um... Well, this has, uh, been interesting.

You see, my sister is getting married in about two hours.

And I'm the maid of honor.

And that guy who just left was supposed to be my plus one.

And everyone was like, "Don't get your hopes up."

But, what did I do? I went and got my hopes up,

and it's $40 a plate.

And if I show up alone,

I'll have to sit next to an empty chair

surrounded by happy couples and judgy relatives,

and I'll be the last girl standing

when the band starts to play.

And the first girl shoved out onto the dance floor

to catch that stupid overpriced bouquet.

And I mean, I would rather die a slow and painful death

than participate in that humiliating

sexist Hunger Games tradition...

You know? I just... Aah!

Ah...

Look, I, um... I really can't.

I really... I really can't.

No, of course.

I mean, I sound psycho.

No, no, not at all.

Um...

Breakfast at Tiffany's?

Oh, yeah. It's my favorite movie.

My cat's name is Cat.

Mine too.

You have a cat named Cat?

No, uh, Breakfast at Tiffany's.

I have a Breakfast at Tiffany's poster

in my kitchen.

My cat is named Ted.

Well, anyway, um, thanks for not calling the cops.

Yeah, thanks

for not murdering me.

Okay, well, goodbye.

- Yes? - Hey.

Uh, I just, I forgot my bag.

- Oh. Oh. - It's right over there.

- Sure. - Thank you.

Thank you and I'm sorry about all this.

But, um,

yeah. Goodbye, again.

Yeah. Goodbye.

Forever.

Okay, I just, I'd have to leave by-00.

Yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

- Thank you, thank you. - It's okay. All right.

- Thank you, thank you. - Yes, yes.

How are you gonna explain bringing me to this wedding?

I'm not. You'll be Kip.

Wait, you want me to pretend to be the dick who just left?

Please. It'll just be so much easier.

And you could leave as soon as the ceremony's done.

Please, you'll be saving my life.

Does Kip have a job?

Of course, you have a job.

I wouldn't date a complete loser.

You're a commercial contractor.

You own your own company.

Okay, well, I don't really know anything about

being a contractor because I'm a lawyer.

Oh, perfect.

Don't you guys basically lie for a living?

Here, you can use mine.

This is a 42 long. I'm a 40.

It's Armani.

Just keep your hands in the pockets.

Wait, so if no one's met him yet,

then why can't I just be a lawyer?

Because they already know he's a contractor.

Oh, and a black belt.

- He's a black belt? - Yeah, but relax.

It's not like you're getting into a fight

at my sister's wedding.

So, how long have you guys been dating?

Had been. Almost three months.

Wait, three months

and not a single person in your life

has met your boyfriend?

He was busy. People are busy.

Can we dispense with the Twenty Questions?

I need a zip.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

I'm Margot, by the way.

Griffin.

Griffin? Wait, your name is Griffin?

Yes, like the mythical creature.

Part lion, part bird. I know.

Uh...

- We gotta go, gotta go. - Yes, yes, yes.

- Okay. Oh. - Okay.

Wait. Hold on. I feel like I'm forgetting something.

Yeah, you're forgetting this isn't your house.

- Come on! - Okay.

Oh, come on.

Come on, come on, come on, baby, come on.

Come on, come on, come on.

Yes!

Uh, wait, should I drive?

You know, that is such a man thing to say.

Like I'm incapable of starting the car because I'm a woman

and it happens to be sub-zero temperatures outside?

Good one.

Or, perhaps because a DUI will literally ruin your life.

And I at least had a nap.

Oh.

Well, that's actually very sweet.

- Switch? - Yeah, please.

No! Well, hold on. I'm gonna go around. I'm going around.

Around, around.

Jeez!

We need caffeine.

Wait, are you sure we have time?

Yeah, there's always time for coffee, let's go.

All right, do you want to tell me what happened

with, uh, Mr. Armani back there?

It's a long story. Not that interesting.

Well, you know, if it's any consolation,

I'm pretty sure you dodged a bullet back there.

What about you?

Did you dodge a bullet with Miss Ginger Spice America?

Her name is Clementine.

Clementine?

Wow. It's not a name, it's a tricky fruit.

Tricky fruit? What is that?

Tricky. Fake, looks all sweet on the outside,

all bright and orange.

Then you peel it, it's this dry sour pith.

No. My... My Clementine is great.

Hmm. Great.

I thought you guys broke up.

What? No, why... why would you say that?

Oh, um...

'Cause she, you know,

fled Bennigan's, stole my Uber.

Plus, you're on a date with me.

We're not on a date. I mean, this is a favor.

Yeah, I mean,

you know, you're on a favor with me. So...

Mm...

You know, I get it, it's fine. You don't even know me.

Let's just get this over with.

Oh, it's left here.

- Here. Here, here, here! - Left where? Here? Jeez!

Are you trying to kill us?

A little notice next time.

Why does it look like the lights are out?

- The sign says closed. - No, no, no, no,

this cannot be happening! No!

I can't believe they closed early.

I mean, how could they do this to me?

Well, you wanted to stop for coffee, so...

I'm bringing a stranger to my sister's wedding.

Do I look like I make good decisions under pressure?

Let's break in.

- Wait, what now? - I cannot show up

without the veil. I will be disowned

- after they kill me! - Where are you going?

Oh! I can climb on this and go in that window.

Oh, my, God, are you crazy? Burglary is a felony.

What do you suggest? I don't think there's a spare key

hiding under the flower pot.

Plus, it's not stealing if it's your own property. So...

Um, actually, it's called breaking and entering.

And you can get up to three months in county jail.

- Oh. Well, that's doable. - Oh, my God.

Come on, it's just a veil.

Hmm? - Well...

Sorry, what? "Just a veil"?

Well, yeah. I mean, it's just like a piece of fabric, right?

So, can't she just, I don't know,

find something else? Like a towel or a sheet?

Okay. You want my sister to get married

with a sheet wrapped around her head?

A pretty sheet?

Okay, just move.

Okay, there's nothing you can say

that's gonna talk me out of this.

No, I'm saying you're not tall enough to get up there.

So, just move. Let me do it.

Oh. Okay.

Thank you.

Hmm, all right. This is...

Okay. All right, here.

- Let me, let me help you. No.

Okay. Okay. Here we go.

- Oh! Sorry, okay. Okay. Okay. Yes. Yeah.

Here we go, okay, okay. Okay. Here we go.

- Almost. Yeah. - Go. Go.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, that's my head.

- Oh, no. - Oh, no.

Oh! Shit!

Okay,

uh, what do I do?

- What do I do? - Just meet me around front.

Okay.

Wait, wait, wait.

What's your sister's name?

Carrie. Carrie Hayes.

- Yeah. Oh, shit! - Shit.

- I have the veil! Ha-ha! Yeah. - My hero!

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Oh, perfect.

- All right, let's go. - Let's do it.

Oh, wait, one second.

Wait, what are you doing?

I have to leave some money

because I, uh, broke a display case.

I'm a fugitive with Mother Teresa.

Okay.

All righty. Do it.

No. No, no, no, no, no. No!

Don't panic, no. It's just cold.

- And dead. - Try again.

- Try again, try again. - Come on, baby.

No!

Come on, Uber!

Well, someone has to come by eventually.

Carrie was right. I am gonna ruin her wedding.

Well, I mean, listen,

if two people are destined to be together,

then nothing can ruin it.

You don't know my sister.

She would call the whole thing off

just so she could hold it over my head

for the rest of our lives.

I'd say you guys don't really get along.

No, we do.

We're just different.

Her life is perfectly planned and executed

down to the last detail,

and I ate expired yogurt for lunch.

Wait, that yogurt was expired?

Jesus!

Ever since we were kids,

Carrie made me feel like I could never live up to her.

So, I didn't bother trying.

- Okay. So, it's her fault. - I'm not saying that.

Okay, maybe I am saying that.

I bet you don't know what it's like

to be a constant disappointment to your family.

No, but I am like an only child

to the world's happiest, happy couple ever.

Wow, does Social Services know?

Okay. No, I'm serious though.

It's like the bar is already so high.

And then, I'm like their sole purpose in life.

So, I'm just excited to get married,

so they'll finally have,

you know, someone else to focus on for once.

Oh, are you getting married soon?

Well, I mean, not tomorrow but...

Go! Go!

Hey! Wait!

Margot, wait! - Whoa! Shit.

- Excuse me! - Margot!

- Excuse me! Excuse me! - Go!

- Go! Go! - Hello! Excuse me!

- Margot, wait! Wait!

- Driver? - Hold on.

- Driver! - Wait.

Whoa. Whoa.

Hi! Thank you. Thank you, our car broke down.

My sister's getting married tonight and I am so late.

Okay. I have got the boot,

- Cinderella. Ooh, your shoe!

Oh! My... My prince.

Yeah, yeah, just... - He's harmless, he's with me.

- Oh, oh. Thank you, okay... - Put your foot in here.

- I got it. - Well, come on up!

Really? - Yes.

- Cool. - Thank you.

Hotel's like three miles away,

so, you know, we were actually just gonna walk.

But this is probably better.

Ooh, you're saving our lives. Seriously.

So, what brings you both out tonight?

It's our anniversary.

Always take my bride to dinner on New Year's Eve.

Aw!

Happy anniversary!

Fifty-eight years.

And he is still the most romantic man I ever met.

Fifty-eight years? That's incredible!

So is your coat, by the way.

Ooh, this is my lucky coat.

I met the man of my dreams because of this coat.

Because of the coat?

Sounds like there's a story there.

Go on, dear. You tell it.

Oh, they don't want to hear

how a couple old coots met 50 years ago.

- Yes, we do! - What? Yeah, we do.

- We definitely want to hear. Please.

Well,

it was a drizzly, gray October morning.

I was taking the ferry over to Manhattan

to meet my buddy, Hank, for lunch.

So, the ferry pulls into the port

and I see this beautiful girl

wearing a carnation pink coat.

I was love-struck, frozen.

When I finally got my legs to move,

I chased after her but lost her in the crowd.

- Wait, you lost her? - You lost her?

I was crushed. I figured I'd go see a matinee.

So, I walked over to the Astor on Broadway.

And would you believe it?

Who walks in and sits one seat over?

But the girl in the carnation pink coat.

- Come on! - No way!

So, the movie ends

and I follow her into the lobby and ask her,

would she like to go have a piece of pie with me?

- She said, "No." "No"?

I had plans.

To meet my cousin.

So, I asked her,

"Would you please give me your phone number?"

"And I'll call you tomorrow."

Again, she said, "No." Turned and walked out.

Oh, no. - You just walked away?

Give a strange man my phone number?

My mother would've had my hide.

So, I go to meet my buddy, Hank,

over at Stardust Diner on 52nd Street.

I walked in, and would you believe it?

Draped over the back of the booth

was a carnation pink coat.

- That was that. Mm.

Two months later, we eloped.

And that was 58 years ago tonight.

Simply, a matter of fate.

Wow! That's a beautiful story.

Nothing like that would ever happen on Tinder.

I mean, not that I'm on Tinder.

Our son is gonna pick us up.

Why don't you folks keep the carriage

- for the rest of the night? - Oh.

- Really? Are you serious?

That would be amazing.

Whoa.

Here we are, folks.

Happy anniversary.

Go on, dear. You take this.

Oh, no, no, no. I can't.

A pretty girl like you can't be going to a wedding

in such an ugly coat.

Uh...

Well, it's your lucky coat. I wouldn't feel right.

Dear, when the universe hands you a gift, you don't say no.

Well, okay. Only if you take mine.

- Look at that! Thank you.

Well.

- Lovely meeting you. - He's a keeper.

Oh, um...

- What was the movie? - Sorry, son?

The matinee at the Astor. You know, the day you two met.

Ah! Audrey Hepburn.

- Breakfast at Tiffany's. - Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Still our favorite.

Wow.

Will you take this and just make sure

you pay for that couple's meal.

I'll just come by in the morning to grab it.

Thank you so much.

What did you just do?

Oh, I just gave him my credit card.

I thought we should treat them to dinner.

You just gave a stranger your credit card?

Yeah, it's fine. I'll just come get it in the morning.

It's not a big deal.

- Easy. - Ah. Here we are.

All right. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you so much, Sir. Sorry, move.

I'm coming with you.

Thank you so much. Happy New Year.

Happy New Year.

Thank you. - Ah, thank you so much.

Okay. So, Dad is Paul. Mom is Judy.

Remember, you build stuff and you adore me.

I have to get this veil to my sister, okay?

- Okay. - Oh, hi, aunties!

- Oh. Oh. Yes. Wait, Margot. - This must be Kip!

I'm glad you're here. Sheila, Rita.

Okay. Just make sure that the buttons

are all lined up perfectly, thank you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

- I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! - Oh!

You are two hours late!

Yeah, we got the veil.

- "We"? Is Kip here? - Yes, Kip is here.

- Oh. - You guys have no faith in me.

Where are your shoes?

Um, Fourth Avenue.

No, no, no, no, no.

You cannot wear dirty winter boots down the aisle.

- Um... Mom?

Well, you could always wear your grandmother's shoes.

- Cute. - No.

I knew you were gonna ruin the wedding.

I think you are an absolute disaster!

Well, you know what's not a disaster? You.

Okay? You look amazing.

And it's fine, I'll find Dana and wear her shoes.

Everything will be fine.

Let's just get this veil on you.

Let's get you all situated.

- Then just... Yeah, I got you.

- That's right. Here we go.

Okay, come on. You look stunning!

I'm really glad you're here.

I'm so sorry I was late.

It was just a debacle, the whole thing.

- It's okay. It's okay. - Evening, ladies.

Back-up wedding planner at your service.

I'm Flour.

Not like the bouquet,

like the grain.

I'm sorry, are you high?

Meh.

Little bit.

Oh! Maybe a lot.

- No, no, no. - It's okay. It's okay.

- No, no, it's not okay. - It's all right.

No, no, I'm freaking out.

- You want a hit? - Oh, I'd love one. Thanks.

After the wedding maybe. Um...

Cool, cool.

All right, gonna go find Dana for those shoes. So...

- Please. - Oh, I want to go with you

because I want to meet this Kip character.

No. Mom, please, there's not enough time and,

you know, Kip is nervous.

He doesn't need my whole family pawing all over him.

Do you have...?

Nobody's gonna be pawing all over him. It's ridiculous.

- I just... - Yeah.

That doesn't make... Wait for me.

Hell, yes. Rita, you can

knock down a pony wall without a permit. No problem.

What about the electrical?

Just pull it.

Just take it out. Come on, Paul, just pull that shit.

Isn't that dangerous?

I mean, yeah, if you're, like,

standing in a bathtub or something.

Oh, man, I love this guy.

Hey, dude, marry Margot so we can be bros.

Whoa! - And you can teach me

all your moves, right? Hyah!

Oh, oh, careful. I'm dangerous.

You're a martial arts guy too?

- I mean, I dabble, you know? - Oh!

- For the cardio mostly. Dabble?

The dude's like a third-degree black belt.

Third, fourth. It's like, who's counting at this point?

Dude!

Well, for months, all I've heard

is Kip, Kip, Kip. I want to meet Kip.

Okay, Mom, you're being crazy.

- So, tone it down and I'll... Kip is here?

- Yes. That's him, right there. Uh, Kip.

Not much to look at

- but seems nice. Kip. Hey, Kip.

- Hey, Kip. Kip? Kip. - Oh.

- Yeah, hi. That's Kip?

Yes, that's Margot's boyfriend, Kip.

Yeah, sorry. I wanted you to meet my mother.

Um, this is my mom, Judy.

- Oh, my gosh. - Dying to meet you.

Hello, I've been dying to meet you as well.

- The black belt? - Uh, I guess.

Hold my purse.

Excuse me.

How dare you show up here?

You are a sorry excuse for a man! Kip!

I'm sorry.

Not the reflexes I'd expect from a black belt.

Hey, Dana, stop. This is not Kip.

- Hmm? - I mean... I mean...

this is... this is... this is not the...

the Kip you thought he was.

He's apologized for doing that thing

that you're so mad about. Stop it.

You mean, dumping you?

You dumped my daughter?

Dude!

I did...

Uh...

- Not? I didn't. He... He...

He didn't.

See, I... I thought he did, but it was a misunderstanding.

Yeah. Happens.

How can you be confused about being dumped?

- Um... - Ooh...

Texting, Mother.

Oh, yeah. It was the text.

- It was a wrong text. - Yeah.

- It was an emoji thing. - Yeah, you got it.

Hey! Who's ready to get married?

- That's me. Hi. That's me. Oh! Right on.

Okay, you all saw that, right?

Ooh, poltergeist.

So, are you sure it's okay that I'm sitting this close?

Oh, don't be silly.

- You're practically family. - Okay.

Mm. Thanks.

Sorry.

I thought they were

supposed to wear matching dresses.

Oh-ho, that's a good sign.

- What's happening? Honey, it's okay.

I'm sure it's just the weather.

The lights will be on soon.

Sorry, folks!

Lights won't be back anytime soon.

Power lines are freezing up.

And we just blew a generator.

You... You don't have a backup?

Uh, this was our backup.

We've got a team working on it.

I just don't know how long it's gonna take.

Daddy? - No, not to worry, honey.

I'll get you to the altar. It's plenty bright.

No, no, no, no, no.

I can't walk down the aisle in blue light.

I'll look like a zombie bride.

- A beautiful zombie bride. - Aw.

Maybe, we can get some candles?

You know, just like

- a few hundred or... That's a great idea.

Sorry, folks. Building fire codes.

We've got an expert builder right here in the family.

Kip knows all about fire codes. Don't you, Kip?

- Uh... - Yeah, bro. What can we do?

Um...

- How about oranges? Huh?

Oranges, sir?

Yeah, I mean, oranges aren't against code, right?

Huh. - Where's your kitchen?

Okay, I need some olive oil,

a couple of kitchen scissors

and a couple of mops, all right?

You three start cutting these in half.

And then, you start helping me scoop out the flesh. Okay?

Is this a Clementine thing?

Actually,

it's an orange thing. Just trust me.

You're obsessed with citrus fruit.

No, we'll save it for later.

- Get these over to them. - Do you need more?

- Grab a new mop. - Ah, great, thanks.

Yeah. Just start cutting some more wicks.

Yeah, right here. On the top. I'll get it.

How do you know how to do this?

Well, I once defended a vegan chef for stalking.

She was guilty as hell,

but she taught me how to make candles.

And my spelt muffins are to die!

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

All right. - Yeah, try lighting a couple.

- All right. - Here you go.

Hey!

This is great!

Thanks.

We did it!

Hey, this guy! - Congrats!

Look at you, saving the wedding!

- Wow! Amazing. I'm married!

- Kip! - I know!

- Cheers! - Cheers!

I know, he's the best. One second.

Hi, can we play the other song?

The one we talked about? Thank you.

I'm gonna come find you.

- Okay. Yeah. - Have a drink.

Have so much fun.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

My sister is so happy.

And, I mean,

you saved the wedding.

Oh, no, you're so welcome.

I mean, I'm just glad it worked.

I've never tried that before.

- Yeah, right. - No, I'm serious.

Stop.

- Well... - Well...

It's probably time for you to go, huh?

Yeah.

But we should, uh, toast the newlyweds, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, it would be rude if Kip didn't.

Of course, yeah.

I'm gonna go get some champagne. Be right back.

Okay, Mata Hari,

who's the imposter?

Just some guy I met tonight.

Tinder? Hinge?

- Christian Mingle? - No! I, uh...

I walked into my apartment and he was in my bed.

- Are you medicated? - We have the same address.

You know, I keep a spare key under the flower pot,

it's a very long story.

So, this random hot man appears in your bed

and agrees to play your ex-boyfriend

at your sister's wedding?

You think he's hot?

I'm putting out a spare key tonight.

Nice to meet you, Kip.

Hello, Veronica. Small world.

You know, it's funny.

You look just like a public defender I know.

But he's about to be engaged to a redhead mattress model.

Yeah, I'm, uh, just here helping out a friend.

Oh! Pretty friend.

Future fiancé must really trust you.

Yeah, actually she does.

But, um, I would appreciate it

if you could keep this between us.

Yeah. Absolutely.

Congratulations, sister. You did it.

Love you, sister.

And Kip is amazing!

I'm sorry I ever doubted you.

Thank you.

Who is that, that Kip is talking to?

That's, um...

It's Brian's Aunty V.

Wait. You gave away my plus one?

Yeah, but you weren't answering your phone

and I thought that you were just gonna flake on me

like you always do. So...

Nice.

So, you want us to share the halibut?

Yeah, we'll get you some extra bread.

That's...

That's gross.

You're staying for dinner. You're staying for dinner.

I promise it's the last thing I'll ask of you this evening.

But you have to stay for dinner.

Okay. Okay.

- Okay, you're gonna stay? Yes? - Okay. Yeah, no.

- Yes. - I beg.

Yeah, please, just let me...

Okay, but you're gonna stay?

- Yes, of course. - You're gonna stay.

- Promise? Okay. - Yeah, just let me...

Okay, no, okay, but you're gonna stay, yeah?

Yeah. Yes, yes, yes.

Hey, Clem!

Did you just hang up on me?

What? No, no, no. Of course not.

Sorry, there is just bad reception here.

Bad reception? Where are you?

Uh, well, like I said, I had to make a quick stop,

and then I'll explain everything...

Hello?

Ooh.

Hey, sweetie.

"Sweetie"? It's almost-00.

Where the hell are you, Griffin?

Kip? Kip, Kip, Kip.

- Time for pictures. - Oh, yeah. Okay. I'll be

- right over there. Okay, yeah. - Okay.

- I'm sorry. Was that a bride? - Uh, yes.

Your quick stop was at a wedding?

Um...

Sort of. Yeah.

Whose wedding? And who is Kip?

Oh. Uh, me. I'm Kip.

It's, um... It's just a nickname.

I've never heard anyone call you Kip.

Really? 'Cause, uh, back in college...

Kip!

All my law school buddies was like...

Come on! Pictures!

Yeah, just give me one second, okay?

No, no, no. Come...

Because I have to finish this call, okay?

- That was a law school buddy? - Um...

And Griffin, what are you wearing?

That's not the suit I got you.

Kip, we gotta talk manufactured siding at dinner.

- Table 14. And we will.

I promise you, I'll be right there. Okay?

Just gotta wrap this up, okay?

I'm sorry, are you staying for dinner?

Griffin, we had a deal.

Um, yeah, I know. Listen, Clem.

This friend is having a family emergency.

And they just, they really, really need my help.

Is this some kind of genetic defect?

You never say no to anyone. Except for me.

No, look, I'm really sorry, okay?

You're gonna have to go on

and then I'll meet you there at the party late...

Kip. Come on.

We're all waiting for you.

Oh, you know, I really don't need

to be in the wedding pictures.

Nonsense. You're practically family.

I'm really not.

Come on.

Yeah, yeah, that's sweet.

Oh, Margot. Kip, Kip, Kip. Come on in.

- Oh, God, no, he's fine. - Dude. Dude.

Do we, like, stick our tongue out?

- We're like, "Ahh!" - Maybe less tongue.

Let's do it!

One, two, three.

And we jump!

- I was early. - Okay.

I want to pinch your cheeks.

I just want to pinch your cheeks.

One, two...

Here we go. One, two, three.

Just us, just men.

Oh, that was so much fun, you guys.

- You already got me... - No, no. No.

So sweet!

- Kip. - Come here, come here.

- Jump in. - Get in the edge. Just there.

So, here's to food poisoning.

If I hadn't gotten those bad clams

and ended up in the emergency room,

I wouldn't have met the hottest nurse in town

when I was at my very worst.

Well, he was green.

And adorable.

- To food poisoning and fate! Yeah!

And thank you to everyone for coming out tonight.

It's always been my dream

to get married on New Year's Eve.

And, um, to my parents for footin' the bill.

It's coming out of your inheritance.

- Dad! - And to my maid of honor,

my sister.

Who will be late to her own funeral

but who really came through for me

when I needed her the most.

Aw.

And to Kip, who until tonight, let's face it,

I don't think any of us believed you existed.

I know.

But who really saved the wedding.

- Kip, Kip, Kip, Kip. - Kip, Kip, Kip, Kip.

- Okay. Oh, stop. - No, stop. Stop, stop. Okay.

Speech. Kip, Kip, Kip, Kip.

- Speech. - No, no, no.

I mean, I'm just happy I could help.

I want to hear how you two met.

Ah! Me too.

Ah, no. This is Carrie and Brian's night.

You know? It's not about us.

Yes, to Carrie and Brian! Whoo!

- Oh, no. That's okay. - It's all yours, bro.

That's okay.

All right.

Okay.

Okay.

- How did we meet? - How we met!

Um... Well...

It was a chilly, gray October morning.

And I was taking the ferry into the city

to meet a friend,

when I looked down

and I see the most beautiful girl I've ever seen

in this incredible carnation pink coat.

She wore it tonight.

It's vintage.

And I guess you could say I caught her by surprise.

Yes.

And from that moment on, it's...

it's been a non-stop adventure.

I've scaled tall buildings,

I've braved snow by steed and carriage.

I built fire and saved the day.

When I'm with her, I just...

I feel like I'm a superhero.

Let's just say that from the moment we met,

I felt like I was home.

So, uh, to Margot!

To Margot!

- Cheers. - Cheers, cheers.

Jesus, that was amazing!

Even if it was all bullshit.

Most romantic bullshit I ever heard.

That was an impressive speech, Counselor.

Mm.

Thanks. It was surprisingly effortless.

- Hmm. - Don't let this one get away.

Real subtle, Dad.

But seriously, thank you. I owe ya.

Yeah, you do.

Did you tell them to play this?

No, I didn't. I swear.

- Come on. - No.

- Wow. - Aw.

Don't forget to email me that bid.

Oh, yeah. You got it, Rita.

Are you taking side jobs with my aunts?

Yeah, well, they're having some foundation issues.

- Mm. - It's complicated.

Contractor stuff.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Margot.

Kip?

Kip? I thought he was Kip.

Well, don't look at me.

- What are you doing here? - What do you mean,

what am I doing here? I texted you I was coming.

Okay, I told you I blocked you.

My God! You look so beautiful, I...

- Okay, okay. - Listen, no, no, no.

You ever heard of the saying,

"You don't know what you have till it's gone"?

Have you ever heard the saying,

"Not the time or the place"?

- I understand that. - You need to leave.

- Let me just talk to you. - Look,

this is so embarrassing. You need to go.

Sorry.

Hold on. Is he wearing my tuxedo?

- Hey, come on. Margot.

She already asked you to leave, all right?

Is he wearing my tux?

- You're wearing my tuxedo. - Yes.

Have you ever heard of the saying,

"Never wear another man's tuxedo"?

You know, you've been touching a lot of things

- that are not yours. Okay. Okay.

- Guys, this is... Come on. - I don't think so.

That is a thing. No, no,

- this has nothing to do... - Margot, it's okay.

- This is between us. Okay? Let's not.

You cannot just steal another man's clothes...

Don't put your finger on my chest.

Steal another man's girlfriend.

Don't put your finger on my chest again.

Or else what? What you gonna do?

All right.

Are you threatening me with a deadly weapon?

- Yes. - Karate chop!

- Forgive me, Sensei. - Kip!

- What is happening? - He started it.

Kip up!

Okay. So, you really want to do this, huh?

I guess. Okay.

She told you I was a black belt, right?

Uh, yes, she did.

Griffin, Griffin, he's not worth it!

Griffin? Who's Griffin? - I have no idea.

But the new Kip is hot.

- Brian, do something! - Here we go.

Oh!

- Okay. - Hit him, Kip!

Uh, Kip number one! Whoo!

Really, a shoe?

Oh, shit. - Are you good?

Whose shoe is that? You guys look beautiful.

- Not the cake. - Did we mess up the cake?

- No, we're good. - Cake's okay.

It's okay. It's okay.

Thank God. The cake's okay.

Guys, you're two grown men!

- Stop it! - Oh.

You guys, that's enough!

- Hold on a sec. - Yeah, try it.

- Hey, not bad. Pretty good.

Did you just rip my Armani pants?

You just ripped my groin!

Kip, we're done. We're done, you guys. That's enough!

I think we're done!

That's it, Kip.

Go to sleep! - Kill him!

Go to sleep! Go to sleep, bitch!

That's not how it works.

You done? - Yeah.

This is like Godzilla versus Bambi.

We're done. For sure.

Cake's safe.

Is that a ring?

You're proposing tonight?

Uh-huh.

You guys literally just met.

- Not to me, to his girlfriend. Oh, shit.

Kip has another girlfriend?

Wow. What a dick!

Oh, my God!

You brought a fake date to my wedding?

No, no, no. He's... He's not a fake date.

He's just... He's just not Kip.

Oh, so not-Kip is in all of our wedding photos!

- Dude! I'm so sorry. It's...

I was... I didn't...

Congratulations, sister. You really did it.

You restored my belief

in your ability to ruin absolutely everything.

I'm so sorry. I didn't...

Sorry...

Hold on. Margot! Wait!

Excuse me. Sorry.

Margot! Margot. Margot, I'm sorry.

Sorry for what? You didn't do anything.

- I mean, this is all my fault. - No.

Look, I should have told you, okay? I tried.

- I tried to tell you. - Tell me what?

That you're practically engaged to a supermodel?

No, okay.

- She's just a regular model. - It doesn't matter!

I mean, it's none of my business!

Carrie's right. I'm a total disaster.

I mean, what kind of a crazy person brings a total stranger

to one of the biggest days of their sister's life?

Well, I mean, in all fairness, we did meet last night.

Look, I'm sorry I brought you into this.

- You're so nice. - No, I'm not.

I'm not nice, okay? This...

Like, what I'm doing here, this is not nice, okay?

This is really selfish.

What?

I don't know. When I saw you the other night

in the parking lot, I just...

I felt something that I've never felt before, and I...

I wanted to wrap my arms around you,

and just tell you that everything was gonna be okay.

And then 24 hours later, you needed my help, and...

I don't know, I just...

I couldn't say no.

Babe.

- Oh, God. - Are you okay?

- Oh, my God. - Yeah, I'm...

What are you still doing here?

What are you still doing here?

Dude, it's over, all right? She doesn't want you here!

Don't tell me what she wants. All right?

- Okay, guys... - I know she doesn't want

some asshole who can't make up his mind.

- Really? I'm an asshole? - Okay, you guys! Stop it!

Aren't you, like, engaged or something?

That's enough!

Griffin is leaving.

He has somewhere very important to be.

Yeah. That's right.

I'm leaving. You win.

- Congrats. - Hey.

- What about my tux? - Kip!

Do you know how long it took me to get that tux tailored?

- Enough. - Oh, my God!

I'm so sor... Did you want...

You want your tux?

Yeah, sorry, you should've just said that.

- First thing. Oh! Here we go again.

- Naked guy! Griffin, stop!

Right on cue. -$2,200.

- Okay, stop! - $3,200, but who's counting?

Griffin, what are you doing?

I got to give him back his tux.

- It's $2,800. - Is he taking his clothes off?

- I swear, he's a nudist. - This wedding keeps getting

better and better.

- It's, like, sticky. - You can't go outside

like that! You're gonna freeze! Stop it!

Fuck your cufflinks.

Sir? - What?

You can't be naked in the lobby.

Sorry. Sorry.

Thank you very much.

I don't have any cash, but... Sorry.

Well, it's been a little slice of heaven.

Yeah.

Unforgettable.

I guess I'll just pay for the dry cleaning.

Come on.

Look, why are you even here?

- I came to see you. - You broke up with me.

I know, and I made a mistake.

Babe, just give us another chance. Please.

I need a drink.

Sorry, my love.

Damn it!

Ugh. Shit.

Fuck.

Hey, man. It's me again.

Uh, could you take me to the bus stop?

Sure. But it looks like you forgot somethin'.

Oh, yeah. The tux. It wasn't mine.

Not the tux. The girl.

She wasn't mine either.

Could've fooled me.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah!

Hey, man. You forgot your pants.

Oh, man! I might do the same!

Hey.

I know, yeah. I'm on the list. Griffin Reed.

You good? Thank you.

His name is Griffin?

I know.

Did you tell him?

No, I didn't tell him.

Wow. Talk about fate.

It's not fate! I wish people would stop using that word.

But you like him.

So? He's proposing to some model named Clementine.

- Oh! Clementine Pratt? - You know who she is?

I've seen her Instagram.

She's got, like, 10,000 followers.

She's so pretty.

Well, if he's so in love with her,

what's he doing at a wedding with you?

He's a really nice guy.

- No one's that nice. - It doesn't matter!

He's on his way to propose to someone else,

and the real Kip came back for me,

so everything worked out just the way it should.

Okay? There's your... fate.

Yeah! It was fire!

Really? I wish I was there!

Yeah, you should have come.

I'll come next time.

Better! Appreciate it!

Wait, do you have my social?

Oh, yeah. Your pictures are so great!

Okay, baby. - Hi!

Hi, uh, can I just get a whiskey neat, please?

Hey, you're Clem's guy, right?

- Oh, uh, yeah. - Grover?

- Griffin. - Ah, yes.

Griffin, the... lifeguard.

- Lawyer. - Ah. Good on you, mate.

- Hi! - Hey, babe.

- Hi. - Hi.

Look who decided to show up to their engagement party.

What the hell happened to you? Were you mugged?

What are you wearing?

Oh, no. I'm sorry. Look, my phone died.

It's just, it's been a really long night, so...

Yeah. For me.

Do you know how embarrassing it is to show up

to your own New Year's Eve party alone?

I know. I'm...

I had sponsors waiting for our arrival!

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

And what am I supposed to tell Zara?

- I don't know. I... - You know what?

It doesn't matter. I will smooth it up with Zara

and you can wear them for the wedding.

Okay.

Don't worry. Everything's all set.

- Okay? - Okay.

Please give it up for the fabulous Clementine Pratt!

Thank you! Thank you. My goodness.

Don't worry. I'm not gonna sing.

But I just wanted to thank James

for hosting this incredible party tonight!

I don't know about you all,

but I have a feeling this is going to be

the best New Year's Eve ever.

Babe, I think you're on.

Okay!

- Who's ready for the bouquet? Hey.

Okay, on the count of three.

- Ready? Okay!

Three, two...

One! No, I'm just kidding.

- What? - Just one second

before you guys do that.

This is my favorite part of the wedding, by the way.

But I just have to do this.

- What the hell? I really appreciate it.

Would you guys just mind?

Many of you guys don't know me, okay?

But, uh, I am Kip. The real Kip.

And I just want to apologize

for what happened with the imposter Kip.

I kinda liked the imposter.

And I don't want to steal the thunder

from the beautiful bride.

- Oh, no. Yes.

We wouldn't want to do that. No.

This has to be done. - Right.

This is very important.

Okay.

Oh, shit.

You know, whenever I imagined myself

proposing to my future wife,

I always knew it would only happen once.

When I imagined the man of my dreams proposing to me,

I wanted it to be once in a lifetime.

And I'd never give that moment

to someone who I had any doubts about.

Twenty-four hours ago,

all I wanted was for you to ask me to marry you.

Twenty-four hours ago,

I'd convinced myself that you were the woman

I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

But that's...

Changed.

Um... - What?

I... I thought this is what you wanted.

- I can't. I can't do this. What?

I can't let you do this.

I'm really sorry. I... I can't.

- What? - I'm sorry.

Come on. Get up.

Happy New Year, everyone! Ha-ha-ha-ha. Here.

- Yeah. Yeah. - Okay.

Just... Just stop for just a second. All right?

I know that I'm embarrassing myself, but...

I treated you terribly last night.

- And I am sorry. Last night... - Yeah.

The truth is, I have spent the last 24 hours thinking

that I've been making the biggest mistake of my life.

I... actually think that I love you,

and I... I do want to marry you.

You "think"? What,

are you... are you crazy?

You don't love me.

And you know what? I... I don't love you.

I mean, I had more fun tonight,

a more honest, genuine connection

with a total stranger than I've had with you

in the last three months!

Wow. Kick a guy while he's down.

I'm just being honest.

You know it's true.

And you'll bounce back, I'm sure.

Goodbye, okay?

For real this time, please.

Goodbye.

Oh, my God.

Okay...

Ted, are you hungry?

Hey, buddy. Happy New Year.

Yum, yum, yum.

Good night, pal.

Wow, okay.

So you're just sneaking out of my wedding?

I was going more for graceful exit.

Oh, okay. Right.

Just, uh, quick question first.

- Why do you hate me? - Hate you?

- Yeah. - I don't hate you.

I worship you.

- Okay. Come on. - What? It's true!

I wish I were more like you.

I mean, you're brave. You're smart.

Everywhere we go, everybody just adores you.

I mean, you're marrying the best guy in the world tonight.

Your life is perfect.

You think my life is perfect?

Are you crazy?

No, the only difference between me and you is

I go for what I want.

And you're too afraid to try.

So, stop trying to be me.

Just go be you.

You're right.

Thank you.

Yeah.

I'm sorry I ruined your wedding.

No. Hey, it's fine.

You know, Brian said that the fight already went viral.

I love you, sister.

I love you too.

Hmm.

- Ten! Nine! - Oh!

- Eight! Seven! - Um...

Go. Go. - Yeah, okay. But don't forget

- brunch tomorrow. Six! Five! Four!

- Okay. - Yeah?

Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!

Hi, Ted.

I love what you've done with my apartment.

Margot?

I rang the bell, like, a thousand times,

but you didn't answer, so I just...

I don't have a bell.

Oh. I wonder what that was.

Wait, hold on. So, what... what are you doing here?

Uh, you left this at my house.

I thought it might be important. Legal stuff.

Yeah. Thank you.

- You're alone. - Um, yeah.

And not engaged.

- And... - No...

Wait. How did you know?

Instagram.

Ah, right. Yeah.

Wait, hold on. So, you came all the way over here

at-00 a.m. just to return my bag?

Yeah.

Well, and to show you something.

You want to show me something?

Yes.

Unzip.

Is this a trap?

- No! - Okay.

- Just do it! - All right. All right.

The stupid things we do in college, right?

Um...

That's a...

A griffin. - What...

I have a griffin tattoo.

You got that in college?

Yeah.

I had just broken up with my boyfriend.

I was a little drunk.

And I told the guy to surprise me.

So... surprise!

Oh, thank God, it's not a Tweety Bird.

This is insane.

You have a griffin on your body.

If you have "Margot" on your ass,

I really am calling the police.

Oh, not yet, but that's a good idea.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Oh, shit! Clementine!

What are you doing here?

You didn't even call to check on me.

What... We broke up.

I want my Sonicare.

What?

My Sonicare toothbrush.

I actually had to pay for that. I want it back.

- Now? - Yes, now!

Before you rub it all over your mouth,

or clean your toilet with it.

Or let someone else use it.

Yeah, okay, all right. Just one second.

Thanks.

Wait.

I know you.

Are you the girl from Bennigan's?

Yes.

- You stole my Uber. - So, you stole my boyfriend?

No. Not... Not really. Not... Not on purpose.

How long has this been going on?

Minutes! Seconds. Not long.

What kind of person steals

someone's boyfriend on New Year's Eve?

I didn't mean to. I swear.

I think this is everything.

I need a bag!

Bag, yes. One second.

Did you know he was supposed

to ask me to marry him tonight?

Um, was he?

It was so humiliating.

He basically dumped me in front of the whole party.

Some people even got it on video.

I'm sorry. Tissue?

- Thanks. - That's... That's awful.

I've seen your Instagram.

Your pictures are really pretty.

Thanks.

It's Facetune.

Oh. That's a good app.

Okay, I have a bag.

She doesn't need a bag! She needs a hug!

And more tissues!

Seriously?

- Griffin! - Okay.

You do seem like a nice person.

I'm trying to be.

Oh, no. Okay.

You know, I really hope you don't wake up tomorrow

and realize there was never anything real between you two.

And that you just ruined

the entire course of all of our lives

for some meaningless, romantic New Year's Eve fantasy.

Okay, so, it looks like we're out of Kleenex,

but I found some TP.

I have to go.

I'm sorry. I'm... I'm really sorry.

Wait, Margot, where are you going?

Margot?

What did you do?

Nothing.

All right, take your stuff.

Margot?

Margot, wait.

What just happened?

I can't do this.

I can't be responsible for ruining your life

like I do everyone else's.

Oh, you're not ruining anything. Okay?

Listen, Margot, I'm crazy about you.

You don't even know me.

I mean, a couple hours ago,

you were gonna propose to somebody else.

Yeah, and it would've been the worst mistake of my life.

Come on, 15 Maple Drive?

Breakfast at Tiffany's? Your tattoo?

That's got to mean something, right?

You know this is fate.

I am so tired of everyone saying

that everything is fate.

Okay, who doesn't love Breakfast at Tiffany's?

15 Maple Drive?

I'm sure if you googled it,

there are thousands of results.

You could've woken up in anyone's bed.

Yeah, but I woke up in yours. Okay?

So, call it fate,

or dumb luck, or chance, or whatever it is,

but I still get to choose, okay?

And I... I choose you.

And... And I choose...

I choose to do the right thing.

Maybe fate is that girl waiting for you

in your apartment right now.

You don't believe that.

Come on.

Thank you for helping me tonight.

I mean, you really are

the nicest human I've ever met.

And before you say it, "nice" isn't a bad thing.

It's a great thing. It's a rare thing.

So, don't ever stop.

Wait, Margot, please, just...

You know, when the universe gives you a gift,

you don't just say no.

Happy New Year, Griffin.

Oh, shit.

Oh, God.

Hey!

Oh, there he is!

Happy New Year, everybody. Hello, hello!

Honey, what happened to your face?

Oh, it's fine, it's fine. I just...

Yeah, last night, I ran into a fist.

- Fist? - Yeah.

Well, you should see the other guy.

Yeah, right?

So, where is Clementine?

Yeah, yeah, where's this gorgeous fiancée

your mother keeps showing me on Instacart, huh?

Instacart! Um...

She's, uh, actually not gonna make it today.

What happened? Oh, she didn't get your cold, did she?

No, she's fine, actually.

Um, yeah...

It's actually just... It's not gonna work out.

Yeah, I'm sorry to disappoint you guys.

Oh, disappoint who? Us?

Yeah, I know, December 30th is like your special day,

- and I kind of blew it. Hell, son...

Son, it's just a day.

I mean, you'll find your own day.

And your own girl.

Oh. I love you.

I love you more.

Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

- I'll be right back. All right.

- We'll be right here. - Okay? All right.

Okay.

Dude!

What?

- Hey, Kip's here. - Oh, my God.

What are you doing here?

Wow.