Original subtitles

Friends of Cagliari, inhabitants of the island,

for those who just tuned in, the misfortunate moment has arrived.

Camilla, our colleague, is leaving us.

She's emigrating, like flamingos.

Guess where she is going?

-Paris? -New York?

Singapore?

Milan!

Let's see if our friends will convince you.

On with the phone calls.

No. I hate to say goodbye, and also this episode because it's the last.

And I can't stand phone calls on what I can't stand in Milan.

Let's put on music before a tear begins to fall.

But first, dear island people,

I'll leave you with the wise words of my Aunt Ada.

Each of us is a child of what he does.

And I do.

On with the music.

No second thoughts?

Sure? You're really getting married?

I'm sure. Otherwise, I wouldn't have dressed like an ambulance.

-An ambulance! Cami! -You're fascinating.

Do you realize I'm marrying?

I, who hate marriages, relatives who don't know one another,

in-laws become friends,

the woman who secretly hides the table seating arrangement.

-More than once wasn't necessary. -True.

The car is here.

Hurry, dear. It's late.

The groom must wait. Everyone knows that. Go, Auntie!

The photographer said there's the right light now.

Have him photograph you. You're lovely. Go on!

Today is the most beautiful day of your life.

No, maybe as of tomorrow. Today is a nightmare.

-Let me have a drag. -You usually don't smoke.

Do I usually get married? Am I Liz Taylor?

How are you? Do you think we pick up more at funerals or weddings?

Funerals, I think, because pain stimulates sexual desire.

Carlo, at least not at my wedding.

Did you see Mrs. Tazzi? She's gained weight. Good for her.

-Did you bring the rings? -Yes, don't worry.

-Watch out for the dress! -Let's toast to our Camilla!

With who we shared everything!

Not Simone, I hope.

-How do you know? -With those faces of yours…

I wouldn't swear…

Do you smell something burning?

Shit! The dress!

Do something!

Not hair spray. What a shitty idea!

Even the champagne is shit!

She's not coming.

She changed her mind.

I have bad news. She's coming. They always come.

-The bride's coming! -See?

Get out!

-Hold her veil! -Go on!

Go on, go on!

I'm here. Don't worry! What kind of bride is not late?

Don't say anything. Stay on my right and let's go.

-My pleasure, Camilla. -My pleasure, Simone.

-What're you looking at, love? -But…

My "Like a Virgin" phase.

A problem with the dress. I shouldn't have come?

It wasn't nice.

Considering the delay, I'd skip the preliminaries.

Surely everyone's hungry. Friends and relatives, are you hungry?

-Very hungry! -Yes!

Let's go to the grand finale. We know the rest.

Simone and Camilla,

you came to unite in marriage, in full freedom, without any constraint…

You're beautiful.

Aware of the significance…

Listen carefully and always answer yes.

-Yes. -Yes.

So tell me, how did you arrive at such a crisis?

Hello?

Yes, what is it? You're not disturbing.

Not now.

Of course.

SIX MONTHS EARLIER

Good morning.

Coffee was just made.

-You're very welcome. -You got up in a bad mood?

-Did you see what a lovely day? -It'll rain.

Know what I hate? Those who look for coincidences at all cost.

What is your zodiac sign? Sagittarius.

Incredible. I have a friend who was born December 11th.

Where is the coincidence?

Who gives a darn if you have a friend who was born a week before me?

There're 600 million people in the world with the same zodiac sign!

"Sagittarius.

It'll be a lovely day. The stars smile at you. Mars is crazy about you."

Crazy about Sagittarians that today will be fired?

Why are people obsessed? Everyone's in search of a reason to say,

"What a nice coincidence. You're my same zodiac sign!"

"We have the same dentist and the same beauty parlor!"

"What an incredible coincidence!"

Carlo invited us to dinner Wednesday evening.

-You said no, I hope. -Why? Are we busy?

No. He always says it's a dinner, but it's a party.

In fact, it's a party.

A masquerade party.

A masquerade party? In the 21st century?

I hate masquerade costumes. You can imagine now.

He's my best friend, my boss, and is turning forty.

I haven't seen my girlfriends in months.

Enough, Camilla! I can't stand you!

Shampoo.

Thanks!

Hello?

I wanted to say I'm not coming to the party.

I have nothing to wear. You know each other. I wouldn't know what to say.

Anyway, you forgot your umbrella.

I'll take that risk. Bye.

Enjoy it until it lasts.

What the shit are you looking at, jerk?

Change your car, loser.

The seats are leather.

A nice, smooth leather. And there are the numerous optionals.

-I adore optionals. -Really?

Simone!

He is Simone, our best salesman.

Can you show Mr. Giorgi the offer for our new Chevrolet?

Alright, the new offers. This way.

Mrs. Giorgi, you can call for whatever advice you need.

-I always answer. -Thank you.

-I'll be right back. -Go ahead.

-You're not answering me anymore? -I'm working. Is it urgent?

I can't find the remote control.

They've been cooking for an hour on TV. I can't stand it.

Camilla, you look for it.

Unplug it! What can I say?

What is the secret of a good bechamel?

That Nicola doesn't make it.

There's a bit of hostility.

Poor thing.

Sold, surely. I even lowered the speedometer.

-What did you do? -It's wrong, but I can't help it.

Deceiving others gives me adrenaline.

I need to do it.

Camilla isn't coming to your party.

Wonderful!

We'll all be more relaxed.

We'll dance with the cute girls I invited. You'll finally have fun.

-Hello? -About that unique experience…

I'm coming.

Simone, react.

I need you to be cheerful, handsome. And you're selling very little!

She even follows me in the bathroom, she torments me and complains.

Keep it!

She calls me in the office for no reason, and I get nervous.

Excuse me, love. Did you get hurt?

Is it bleeding?

You're not well. Have someone take care of you.

-It can happen. -You broke his nose.

-This is a basket. 18 to two for you. -His nose is broken!

I don't give a shit!

-Can you make it? -Hang in there!

-Do something! -Alright, but Camilla…

Camilla, my foot! Concentrate, shit!

Women are more subtle than what we think.

What seems like fatigue, is discomfort.

You must talk to her. Speak.

These guys don't understand a shit about marriage.

Remember we were married in Berlin. You were our best man.

I remember.

-There wasn't one pretty girl! -Stop it.

What do you want to do? That is what really matters.

I don't know. I'm stuck.

I'll tell you what to do.

Go home, get your things and come to me.

Camilla will be fine, we'll be fine.

You won't bust our balls. We'll win against these hysterical fags.

-Who is hysterical? -Who?

You really want to leave her?

Then go home, look right into her eyes and talk to her.

It's not hard. Just say four words.

"I want a separation."

Try it now.

Come on, stop it.

Maybe they're right. Try with me.

Come on, try.

-I want a separation. -Bravo!

Understand? I want a separation because I'm tired! It's over!

Don't exaggerate or she'll realize you prepared it ahead of time.

What do you do at home?

-Put on my PJ's. -How horrible!

-Really? -Don't put them on.

-Never. Then what? -I sit down and eat.

-In PJ's. -Don't wear them. Say you're not hungry.

Remain standing, open your eyes wide and avoid batting your eyelashes.

Remember, don't bat your eyelashes.

It's fundamental.

-Really? -And say the four simple words.

-I… -Want…

A separation.

I want a separation.

Camilla? I want a separation.

I want a separation.

I want a separation.

I want a separation.

I want a separation.

I'm not going to those kilometer zero people.

They've nothing and get pissed off if you ask what "kilometer zero" is.

If they have potatoes or fennel, they make you pay three times its worth.

Shouldn't it be less expensive because it travels less?

What are you doing?

It's almost ready. Put your PJ's on and wash your hands.

I'm not hungry.

You, what?

I want a separation.

You're in desperation?

No. Yes, because I can't score anymore at basketball!

And I'm not hungry. Is that allowed?

I get it. You lost tonight.

I was about to say it.

Then I don't know what happened.

I can't stand you anymore.

If you talk about her again, you won't come for basketball and I'll fire you.

You'll leave her?

Yes.

Honestly…

You think you can make it on your own?

Then Falco is needed here.

Who?

Falco even had an affair with the principal.

Then he dumped her.

They found her in the bathroom crying desperately.

I don't understand. Who is he?

-You really never heard of Falco? -No, I told you.

Thanks.

The work of art was Miss Trieste 1992.

He picked her up without saying one word. Not even "hi".

Not even "hi". What a genius. How did he do it?

How do you know this guy?

The son of the doorman in the building where I lived.

I had lost sight of him,

and then I find him photographed on all magazines

with the prettiest women on the planet.

A myth.

IS FALCO SINGLE? HE'S THE PLAYBOY OF ITALY

FALCO CLAWS THE DAUGHTER OF PELÉ

The guy who was to marry Pelé's daughter?

Very good! The marriage of the century.

The jerk got caught the day before the wedding

screwing a Peruvian waitress.

And he disappeared into thin air.

-Dead? -Worse. He retired.

What do I have to do with Falco?

He's an expert in quick divorces.

Parties where they don't answer the buzzer are the worst.

-Give him time. -Let's go home.

-You'd promised, please. -Sorry, I can't help it.

-We'll stay little. -Very little.

Finally!

Thanks! You're so handsome! Thank you for coming.

-Camilla… you came. -Yes.

-No disguise? -It's an interior one.

Ok, come in.

Hi! You just arrived?

What are you dressed as?

An unemployed person. Chronically.

How cool!

Excuse me, but it's mandatory.

Keep this on at least. Come on.

It doesn't look bad on you.

-Hi. How are you? -Nice party, huh?

-Isn't it? -Elegant!

-Are you having fun? -More or less like your husband.

He adores dancing.

You look nice blond!

-You think? -Yes!

Anna! Come sit with us.

-She is Anna, our baby-sitter. -Pleased to meet you.

She is your baby-sitter?

Shall we go dance?

Yes, but I put the little girl to bed at night.

-So you can dance. -Yes. I love dancing.

Marvelous!

We always go out together.

Who baby-sits the girl?

Carlo!

Do you have children, Camilla?

No.

We don't have children.

Camilla, may I ask you something?

What's your zodiac sign?

Me?

You really want to know?

Very much.

Sagittarius.

I knew it!

I could tell you're a Sagittarius.

How could you tell?

My ex boyfriend was a Sagittarius,

my ex girlfriend was a Sagittarius, my best friend is a Sagittarius.

And you are like them!

This thrills you?

Very much!

My Chihuahua is a Sagittarius, too.

-Isn't it an amazing coincidence? -An amazing coincidence!

Your ex girlfriend, ex boyfriend, your best friend, and the dog.

Love, can you believe it? It's really fantastic.

You know what I think?

That in this party, there are more Sagittarians around.

Want to bet?

-No, Camilla. -It's very important.

It's important to find out how many Sagittarians there are!

Excuse me if I interrupt the music,

but I must do a survey that will make you all go crazy.

Excuse me, love. It's important.

So, is there anyone in this room…

Camilla, please.

That is a Sagittarian?

Come on, don't be shy!

Very well, Ernestino. We've found one!

-There must be another Sagittarian. -Of course.

Anyone else? Don't be shy.

Very good.

A shy gladiator who admits being a Sagittarian!

Are there any others? Is that it?

We can do a brief summary, right, Anna?

The left tit, the gladiator,

your ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend,

your best friend, your damn Chihuahua,

which is already a shitty dog besides his zodiac sign…

A really amazing coincidence!

You know what could have happened?

An enormous coincidence, a party of only Sagittarians.

Then we'd really all have gone crazy!

I told you not to bring her.

I got your purse. Let's go.

-Let's get out. Come on. -No, wait.

I feel like crying.

I'm sick, I was disgusting. I don't know what got into me.

-Let's forget it. It's history. -No, really. What I did was horrible.

Let's get out.

Simone…

I feel sick.

Help me.

She was really a bitch, though!

She complained about everything.

She was at a point of no return.

She didn't like being at home, but didn't go out.

She didn't work, but didn't look for a job.

She said the house was horrible.

And I don't know why.

And what made me suffer the most…

What?

You hated my friends.

You hated all of them.

I have to like your friends to be with you?

-Yes. -Really? Why?

Because friends are similar. They're our friends.

No. Carlo is an emotionally retarded sex maniac. You aren't.

As far as I know.

Give it back!

Come on.

No. Enough!

Go to hell! I'm substituting you!

Yeah, fuck it. I don't feel like playing anymore.

Yeah, we don't feel like it.

And thanks for sending my birthday party to pot.

Don't kick me out. Playing with you is all I have left.

What is it?

Falco's number.

It's a land-line.

Falco doesn't have cell phones.

We want the old Simone.

Either you call him, or I will.

Tomorrow evening, at ten.

Parking lot of the mall on State Road five.

How cool.

A secret encounter with Falco.

I haven't seen him since high school.

When he was 15 he swiped my girlfriend. Great guy.

-Aren't you excited? -Not much.

-Are you sure he's here? Nobody's here. -I can feel him. He's here.

I think it's him.

-Let's go. -No, wait.

Falco! How long has it been?

Sorry about what happened with Pelé's daughter.

What have you done all these years?

Push-ups, knee bends, no weights.

Is it him?

Yes, it is.

I accepted to see you because Valli asked me.

What do you want from me?

I want a separation.

Go on, tell him everything.

I'm Simone Fortini, married to Camilla Ledda.

I want a separation, but I can't.

He wants you to screw his wife until she leaves him.

Great!

You're a coward.

Yes, I know.

But I tried in every way.

Falco, I know the girl.

After ten minutes of talking to her, you can't stand it.

If you contradict her, she gets pissed off. A real ball-breaker.

-Don't exaggerate. -It was to help you.

-Why did you come to me? -You ask?

You're the biggest playboy in Italy.

They say you never miss.

I'm not a playboy.

I never hurt anyone.

I just intervened when a sad woman…

wanted it.

Is that clear?

Camilla is very sad.

It's your chance to do a good deed.

Camilla. Is that her name?

I have to think about it.

Thanks, Falco.

He was born that way. It's genetic.

Camilla won't like him. He's too…

He's too great.

Why is he driving in reverse?

Falco always drives in reverse.

-Hi. -What are you doing at this hour?

It was full of ice. You are so late.

I went to drink something with Carlo.

Did you eat? I'll fix something.

No, thanks.

I'll be right back.

The door opens in a very particular way.

It seems normal to me.

This is the secret. It's particular, but seems normal.

So what's particular about it?

That it seems normal.

Simone Fortini is urgently wanted on the phone. Very urgently.

-Camilla, tell me. I'm busy. -Be quiet and listen.

Take her to lunch tomorrow to a place she likes.

At the "Dolce Vita".

Yes. I know where it is.

Why?

That way I'll see if I can do the job.

Hell…

I'm sorry.

Poor thing.

So I went down and the postman was putting the mail in the mailbox.

I said to him, "See how many names are on the buzzer?

Why do you always ring mine to have the door opened?"

You know what he answered?

-Because you're always home. -That's what he answered.

Did I already tell you that?

-No. -You think it's logical?

-I'm going to the bathroom. -Tell me if it seems logical!

I'll go to the bathroom.

Excuse me, ma'am. I want to pay homage to your beauty.

I'm sorry, I have no change.

It's a present for you.

Really?

I'm not giving you a flower, but giving you to the flower.

Thank you.

I thank you, on behalf of the male population.

All of it?

All of it.

-What is it? -Nothing. It was a madman.

-What is it? -Nothing. Really.

-Waiter, the bill! -It's been paid for.

I took care of it.

Shall we go?

Are you alone?

Yes, of course.

Tell me everything about her.

Musical tastes?

Jazz, rock, pop, progressive, salsa, merengue?

The taranta?

I don't think so. No.

Does she smoke?

No. Yes. Excuse me. I'm confused.

Cinema?

Commercial, art-house, romantic?

Does she download TV series? What books does she read?

-She likes Russian novels. -Does she take drugs?

Why? Do only drugged people read Russian novels?

Does she get depressed, angry, cry a lot, drink coffee? Her friends?

Cries, doesn't have friends, light coffee.

-Parents? -They argued.

Phobias?

Well, quite a few.

Does she cheat on you?

No. I mean, not…

-Does she like to say dirty things? -What?

Sex! Sadomaso? You use objects, say who you'd like to do it with?

Famous people?

Either me on top…

-Or her on top. -Oh, well…

Excuse me, Falco. How long will it take to finish…

the job?

From ten to 15 days.

-How much does it cost? -We'll discuss it later.

Where does she work?

-She doesn't. -What does she do?

-She doesn't leave the house. -That's not good.

Make up a way of having her go out. I can't work at your house.

How can I get her to leave home?

Find her a job, lock her out. I'll look for you.

With this bike I used to… What races!

If you wanted me to pity you, you just had to say your age.

You'd do me a favor. Try Camilla, even for just a week.

-But right now… -She worked in a radio like yours.

She's very good, but she's depressed. It would do her good.

I don't doubt it, but I don't have money to pay her.

-Give her little, just to begin. -I don't have little.

-If something comes up… -That means "yes"?

It's a "no" for now.

I'll call you. I'll come back on Thursday for the hubcaps.

See you Thursday. You're giving up like that?

Wait.

How much should she get monthly?

The most we ever gave was 500 Euros.

I'll pay it.

-You? -She won't disappoint you.

Bye, guys.

You're great!

Good morning.

What do they mean by "Winter is back"?

For a couple of cold days… Is that news?

Emergency cold!

Then there'll be emergency heat and emergency pollen…

Know what the real emergency is? Abuse of the word "emergency".

-I absolutely agree. -And then, stupid advice.

Drink water, eat fruit and vegetables.

Do they think we are all idiots?

You know who I ran into the other day?

-I saw Andrea Stanzani. -Who?

One of our clients who opened a radio station,

a clever one, Free Mind Radio.

Did you hear of it? They're great.

I heard it. A radio station for idiots.

That one. We started talking and your name came up.

Your name came up.

-I told him you worked with a radio. -Why?

It just came up.

What matters is that he was very interested.

He needs collaborators and…

-And what? -And he'd like to talk to you.

-I'm bad off, but not that much. -Camilla!

-Calm down. -You're interrupting me.

-Don't holler! -I will holler!

I wasn't before, but now I am!

He asked me as a personal favor.

Please, go talk to him and then…

And then?

You can't stay all of your life cooped up in this house!

Giulia, did you read my message?

No. I won't answer him right away.

I must wait for him now.

Know what? I think he's married.

No, OK. I'm serene, of course. Sure.

I feel certain things.

He didn't answer me. It was Saturday and he didn't answer. I'm serene.

Wait. A woman has to ask me something. What is it?

I'm still Camilla Ledda and I'd like to talk to Andrea Stanzani.

You already said that. Excuse me.

Honey, what were you saying?

If the house is so small, how can 40 people fit inside?

I'm coming around ten. Will you keep an eye on him?

Hey, party girl, I can't waste time.

-Are you the pastry shop girl? -No.

I've an appointment with Andrea Stanzani. Should I send you an MS?

If you aren't working, it's not my fault.

-Why, are you working? -What's going on here? Everything OK?

I'm fine, but ask the lady. I don't know why she got nervous…

-You are…? -Camilla Ledda.

-Simone's wife! -I'm looking for Stanzani.

I am he.

-And your dad? -I'm the radio station director.

Come, let's talk.

The second door.

No, some hysterical woman…

Simone told me you worked as speaker on a radio station.

Yes. In Sardinia I worked with girlfriends on a station.

Then I moved here to Milan.

So you have heard some of our programs?

Yes, sure, some.

What do you think? Honestly.

Honestly?

I don't like them. -You don't…

They're ugly, inconsistent, banal, with no editorial structure.

-No appeal at all. -Ok. I understood.

-You asked me. -Yes, but let's talk about you now.

-What do you like? -It's quicker if I tell you what I don't.

-For example? -I hate people who look for coincidences.

I despise them.

Since they can't make conversation, they look for connections in anything.

"What a coincidence! You go skiing in the mountains?"

Where does one go skiing? On an island?

-And then? -I don't like vampires.

-Vampires? -People with no personality,

who are vampires with that of others.

I don't like fake humble people, those who say "maybe", "we'll see".

I don't like people that apologize a lot, either.

And something I can't stand

are those who put alternating photos on the desktop of their computer.

An alternating nightmare.

I find it unbearable.

Very irritating.

Anything else?

I hate sneaky behavior, people who you meet on the street

and instead of kissing you on the cheeks, touch your cheekbones.

I can't stand who doesn't pay taxes, and worse yet,

those who boast at the cafe that they don't.

I don't like men who pluck their eyebrows and give them a seagull shape.

Those who don't vote because "they're all the same".

-Then there is something… -Ok, I've an idea.

You could come here every morning as a guest,

and make out a list of the things you don't like.

-Just as you are doing now. -Every morning?

Yes. I think it works.

I'll give you 500 Euros.

It's little.

What do you mean?

I'm a horrible negotiator. Let's forget it.

-How much do you want, more or less? -I don't know. Double.

Double?

But you see that we're a small radio station.

I understand. I noticed it's really small and having problems, huh?

Let's wait for better days. Maybe we'll meet again.

Wait a minute. Let's do something.

I'll talk to our sponsor next door and see what I can do.

-You have a sponsor? -Yes.

Hang on to him. He's crazy.

Forty years. A nice lifting would be fine.

-It's Andrea. -Answer.

-Hello, Andrea? -Simone.

How did it go?

-Your wife is still here. -Good.

She says 500 Euros is too little.

She wants double.

-She wants double? -She's not stupid.

If you want, I'll see if she accepts.

Seven hundred is too much!

Tell her you'll give her 600. I'll wait.

He said we can go up to 600 Euros.

Too little.

It isn't. Tell me what we can offer you.

Eight hundred?

What a bitch! 800! She wants to ruin me. Shit!

I'm an employee. I can barely get to the end of the month.

Listen, 800 Euros is not Camilla's salary.

It's the price for your freedom.

Camilla must leave home.

Consider it as alimony.

Before being separated?

An advance. You'll have to pay alimony anyway.

Come on.

Ok, it's a deal. Let's give her 800 Euros.

Can I give you a check to cash in three months?

No. It's what I thought. Let's hire her.

Eight hundred.

-You're not giving me a raise? -There's a crisis for everyone.

-Shall we get coffee to warm up? -Thanks, but I'm busy.

Only two minutes.

A light coffee will put you back in shape.

No, thanks. I prefer waiting here.

Ok. Then we'll wait here.

Do you realize how beautiful you are?

Thank you.

I've an idea. Hold this.

Tell me, how was sex?

I don't know. You say it.

I didn't understand how the mechanism works.

When you ask questions, do I answer first?

-She asks the question and we answer. -Ok.

You asked how it was?

Honestly?

I can't remember the last time I had an orgasm.

-Good morning. -Good morning.

God! It's so late!

-Wish me luck. -Good luck.

Thanks. Listen to me, huh?

Friends of Free Mind Radio, we welcome you.

We're inaugurating a new program. What I can't stand, with Camilla Ledda.

Camilla, welcome. How are you today?

-Terrible. -Why? What happened?

-You see many reasons for feeling well? -Dunno. Tell us.

People who pretend being optimistic.

I hate optimism, forced smiles and forced kindness.

You know what I mean?

But it's true that optimism helps face tough moments in life.

No. It's a way of denying evidence. Optimism deceives life and even you.

I met someone with his leg in a cast.

I said, "Darn, I'm sorry." He replied, "In my misfortune, I was lucky".

Someone must explain the concept of luck applied to misfortune.

It could have been worse for him.

If someone breaks his leg, he should say, "Fuck, what lousy luck."

It's like saying, "They stole my car. Good thing there was little gas."

I like people who protest, I like people who rebel,

people who don't accept things as they are.

Believe me, legitimate anger helps.

Down with optimism. Long live who won't accept!

I can't stand people who do distance adoptions,

but treat badly people who clean car windows.

Those who never call, and when you do they say, "You never call me!"

-And then? -Those who say, "It'll pass".

They don't want to listen.

I can't stand people who would solve everything with a bomb.

Nor can I stand men who make women sign resignation sheets when they're hired.

The sound of my voice right now bothers me, too.

And love at first sight. It doesn't exist. Love must be built!

Our Camilla has lots of things to say.

Go ahead, we like what you don't like.

I can't stand people who don't drink, nor alcoholics.

I can't stand people who don't pay extra work,

and if you tell them, they say, "That's the door".

I don't tolerate those who treat people like animals,

nor people who treat animals like people.

Those people who put coats on the dog and say, "All he's missing is speech".

Yeah, I know.

And then I hate the term "exclusive".

Exclusive party, exclusive club, exclusive marriage.

If something is exclusive, it means someone was excluded.

And I don't like that.

The salesgirls who say a dress makes you look less dramatic?

Where's the drama? I don't understand.

Why are you laughing? Enough!

Enough of the glass half full and half empty.

-Let's fill this glass! -You're right.

Let's fill it.

What if I told you, that meeting you was a stroke of good luck?

-Would I be an optimist? -No. I'd say it's the right comment.

Thanks, Camilla. Goodbye, friends. Life is hell.

-Well? How did it go? -Great! Good work!

Pessimism looks good on you.

Do you always come here by chance?

-No, I want to have lunch with you. -Why?

I must talk to you about something.

About what?

Anything. You choose.

Don't you know I'm married?

I just want to talk to you about this rotten society.

Meanwhile, we'll fill our glasses.

Look. For the first time, after months, I'm vaguely cheerful.

You won't chop me up and throw me in the Naviglio?

No. I promise.

Ok.

I hate Russian novels. I can't stop reading them.

-Hey, no! -What is it?

It's too tempting. Warn me, or I'll get a stroke.

You're a real character.

Watch out for the bikers.

-Here. -Thanks.

To the beautiful things that we have left.

To beautiful things.

Things are going better, and I'm not used to it.

Don't worry. I won't start talking, or I won't stop.

Go ahead. I like listening to you. We have all day.

I must tell you some things, too. First, who I am.

Because I trust you.

But when you find out who I am…

Why? Who are you?

I've lived hidden a long time.

It's me.

I'm Falco.

I know what you're about to tell me.

That I was wrong in going with that waitress,

I ruined my marriage with Pelé's daughter…

I thought about why I did that stupid thing during these years.

I did it on purpose.

Yes, because marrying such an important girl,

the daughter of someone so important,

would have taken me away from reality, from myself.

I'm a free man

who is looking…

for pure love.

Surely she suffered a lot.

-Pelé's daughter? -Yes.

And Pelé?

I didn't put foot in Brazil for two years.

And the waitress?

-Are you kidding me? -I don't know what you're talking about.

-Forgive me a minute. -I do, but I don't understand.

-Excuse me. -Please.

-So, champ? How's it going? -What are you doing here?

I just came to snoop. To see how things were going.

If you're a Peeping Tom who likes looking at his wife, it's over.

No, I didn't come to snoop.

I came because…

Why?

I feel anguished here.

I'm embarrassed. Don't look at me.

Hey, everything is OK. Breathe.

Inhale and exhale.

Exhale. That's it.

Because you saw me at work and it upset you a bit. That's normal.

In the next few days, you'll like her again.

It's a transition phase, it's normal.

You must resist.

Total abstinence, a sex strike.

Is that clear? Clear?

It's clear.

When she goes out, don't ask her where, because you'd make her lie.

Tell me you understood.

-I understood. -Good.

Hi. Did you hear the program?

-Yes, sure. -What do you say?

Very nice. You were a bit unnatural.

-Unnatural? -A little.

I'll tell you two or three ideas for tomorrow.

No! I must go do some things…

-The radio group's going out to celebrate. -Good.

But I…

-Don't feel like it. -You should go.

The truth is that I wanted…

to celebrate with you.

Camilla, you must be correct.

If they care, you should go.

And that's it.

Then I'll go.

Go on.

-I'll go. -Yes, go.

What is it?

That dress looks nice on you.

Thanks. I bought it today.

An advance on my salary.

An advance on…

I hate people who don't call things by their names.

-Give me an example. -It happens with food, too.

Must be the fault of these programs with chefs.

-Chefs who are always pissed off. -It's true.

The other day I went to a restaurant and wanted carbonara pasta.

The waiter said, "The proposal for today, from the chef,

is spaghettini in beaten egg,

with brunoise of crunchy bacon,

Roman pecorino DOP cheese and black pepper from a mortar."

What did you answer this poet?

I said, "Excuse me, voluptuary exponent

of the restaurant personnel and the restaurant room,

why don't you move your limbs inside the kitchen

and let me immediately have a nice carbonara?"

Was it the cafeteria of the Accademia Della Crusca?

I don't know. Anyway, he brought me a carbonara.

I ate it, and I assure you, it was delicious.

What do you want?

People who, without using their name, on Twitter write bad things on anyone.

Cowards!

It's easy if your name is Strawberry86 or Rambaforever…

Who on earth chooses these names?

And then those on Facebook, who think Facebook is a secret diary

and write anything, all their bullshit, as if anyone cared.

Practically everyone.

And there's something else that doesn't help communication.

Plastic surgery, that makes everyone the same.

They're all there looking at you with raised cheeks, eyes wide open.

With their expression of stupor.

You never know if they think you're saying something stupid or cool.

Camilla, tell me at least one thing you like.

Yes, I will, but not today.

Ok, some music, friends.

Hi. How did it go today?

Fine, thanks.

-What did you do after the radio? -I took a walk.

-Alone? -Yes.

-I have to talk to you. -Hungry?

-Yes. -I didn't cook anything.

-Shall we order pizza? -Yes.

-Hi. -Hi.

-Listen… -Will you give me a kiss?

Give me a kiss.

That isn't your cell phone.

It's new. They gave it to me today at the radio station.

Hello?

Excuse me. I couldn't find it.

Yes, OK, sure.

Ok. See you later.

-Everything OK? -I must go out. I'll be back soon.

-Are you hiding something? -No. Why?

I'm asking you seriously. You don't have to tell me anything?

No, really. See you later. Wait for me.

I'm going to talk with Falco.

Falco!

Carlo, come see if the engine is OK.

Wait, Falco. Don't leave.

Falco…

Any news?

Good news. You can already consider yourself single.

Really?

Tomorrow the matter will be closed.

You can start organizing your new life.

Why tomorrow?

What's happening tomorrow?

I want to understand. You were…

quick.

-Did something happen? -No, Simone!

You can't go past this line.

You're right.

I was saying…

Now that you know Camilla, what do you think?

She's a good girl.

A bit complicated, but with a particular energy.

What do you think?

Listen to me. Tomorrow morning fix her a maracuja shake.

She must drink it on an empty stomach.

Why? What's happening tomorrow?

-Pietro! -Mrs. Adriana.

-Do you remember me? -Of course I do.

During these years I've seen you in all the papers.

What did you do with Pelé's daughter?

Don't you start, please!

-I never forgot. -Who? Pelé's daughter?

No. You know what I'm talking about.

You can't forget the first time.

It was madness. Let's not think about it anymore.

Anyway, if you want a paint job,

you know where to find us.

I'm here!

No!

-Wake up! I was next to you. -I know.

-Know where I can find some maracuja? -Mara, what?

Maracuja! It's a natural aphrodisiac. Ignorant.

-The Chinese sell it. -The Chinese have everything.

Ok. I'll help you find it. Now do a good shot, at least once.

Ok, I'll concentrate.

Oh, God! He's dead.

Did I score?

-Yes, you did. How are you? -Very well. Everything's OK.

-Bravo! -Everything's OK, guys.

-But what is maracuja? -Passion fruit!

If you don't have it, it comes.

Passion comes and remains with you during nights of fire!

Good morning.

Are you making a shake?

Yes, for you.

Thank you.

Carlo, I can't stand it! Tell me--

-Speak softly! -Why?

It took me two hours to put that hyena to sleep!

Milena's here. I hadn't seen her.

-Tell me where Falco is. -He'll kill me.

-I'll kill you first. Shall I wake her? -No. Ok.

Wait.

-Actually, I can't tell you. I will. -Milena!

Softly, though. Softly.

Hey, Falco!

Follow me.

-Carlo squealed! -No, nobody squealed!

I'll take care of him. Now leave and forget you were ever here.

Sure. I've already forgotten.

I wanted to say…

I wanted to say it's over.

We're stopping here.

I don't want to lose Camilla.

I'm grateful for everything you did.

It's thanks to you that my life changed. Camilla is happy now.

I see her with different eyes.

Falco, I realized I still love her.

She's the woman of my life.

Falco, what is it?

I've fallen in love.

-With who? -With Camilla.

It shouldn't have happened. I'm so sorry.

Don't worry. These things happen.

It's a risk your job involves, I think.

But that's enough. I'll pay you what you're entitled to.

I'm leaving you a wonderful woman. You don't deserve her.

But you're stopping here. Ok?

When you came to me…

I didn't like you at all.

But now that I know you,

I realized something.

I've never met a jerk like you. And yet, I know many.

What you're saying is very nice.

You need to let it out now, and I accept it.

But you come out of it well, you're a proper person.

Really, you're a beautiful person.

What doesn't kill…

fortifies.

Camilla!

-What is it? -I don't know.

What?

I'm confused. I don't know what to say.

Don't ask me anything.

Confused, in what way?

I'm about to do something stupid. I don't want to do it.

I'm leaving for a while.

What stupid thing? Why are you crying?

I'm not crying.

Wait.

Did something happen?

Camilla…

I know what's happening, but it's all over now.

I'd like it to be, but…

I never doubted what I feel for you.

But this thing makes me feel very badly.

-What thing? -Forgive me.

I must tell you something, but promise you won't get mad.

No, I won't promise. Just tell me.

Camilla…

I contacted Falco.

Who?

Falco. To fix things up between us.

What's Falco have to do with it?

Aren't you seeing him?

How do you know?

I know because…

I asked him to do something.

-What did you ask? -We were having problems.

I thought he could give the couple a shaking.

-What did you ask him? -It was hard talking to you.

Tell me what you asked him to do.

Go out with you. I immediately realized it was stupid.

You asked Falco to seduce me?

Not exactly.

You asked him to seduce me? If you did, you're a shit.

-That is not so. -You can't even say bullshit.

-I just wanted-- -You asked him to seduce me, or not?

You're a shit!

Camilla!

Wait!

Listen. I wasn't able to reach a decision,

so I thought going out with Falco would have shaken you.

That "shaking" again?

-To strengthen the couple. -Idiot.

It didn't go badly.

Remember that period?

You were lying on the bed all day!

-What a bastard. -Whatever I said, was bullshit.

You don't understand a thing.

I began working in that shit station

with that Andrea who covers me with compliments.

Every day tries to kiss me, and I push him back.

You know why I push him back? Because I fear hurting you.

Am I an idiot or not?

My compliments.

Your fantastic plan worked.

Now you're a separated man.

Andrea?

What does Andrea have to do with it?

Good day, Camilla.

-How are you today? -Disgusting.

This puts our listeners in a good mood.

Today it's worse. I feel a homicide instinct.

That bad? Who would you like to kill?

Cowards with no personality who behave like shits.

One should be afraid if they happen to be next to you.

I hate people who live with a person and can't say they don't love that person.

Or even worse, they can't admit it to themselves.

I despise those that organize infantile plans

in order to avoid any responsibility.

Moments of crisis don't arise sometimes.

They always exist.

Why do some people run away when they hear the word "crisis"?

Must be the same effect those ultrasound whistles have on dogs.

I think the police should use them to have demonstrators scatter.

"People, we're a patrol having a crisis. Go back to your homes."

Crisis!

I really want to tell you about this.

I met someone like that once. Know what he did?

He paid a guy to seduce his wife so that she'd leave him.

He did this because he couldn't behave like an adult man.

It's incredible, but people like that exist.

People who deceive life, who make a fool of life.

So, friends at home, be careful,

because even you could have a person like that next to you and not know it.

From the outside we're all the same, but I don't want to be like anyone.

That was Camilla and her What I can't stand.

Thanks, Camilla, and to the "Raggi e miraggi" shop,

everything you need for office and school.

Goodbye, friends.

Life is hell.

Cami…

So, you have already separated?

-Yes. -No.

-Yes. -Not yet.

-Are you seeing someone now? -No.

For me it's fundamental to know if you went to bed with Andrea.

-Yes, I did. -Tell me the truth.

It's true. It didn't happen before. But after it did.

She's clearly lying. You must tell the truth.

That is why we came. Tell her the truth.

Yes, I went to bed with him. Will you explain it?

Ok. I decided to come here…

because in the last three years I felt very much alone.

I didn't say a week or a month. Three years.

And all this because the person I wanted to build a life with…

create a family…

rowed against me.

And all this when I thought of becoming a father.

I'd have been happy to know that.

I never told you?

-I'd have been happy to know. -We never talked about it?

Never.

You say it was horrible to hire Falco, and you're right.

But it wasn't a bad thing.

You're more beautiful…

and look better.

You didn't realize you had talent.

And when I had you meet Falco, everything changed.

And I again fell madly in love with you.

I tried to stop Falco, but I wasn't able to stop him in time.

So…

if you still love me…

I am here.

-What do you think, Camilla? -I don't know. I'm confused.

I felt awful, that is true.

But I loved you.

But I think things were different than what you said.

I don't think people can always be happy.

And couples, even less.

And I don't think it's right that you run away at the first obstacle.

What I liked about our marriage is that I could be what I am.

With my shitty personality, my cellulite, the worst of me.

I was sure that you would have loved me just the same.

Instead, I was wrong.

Why did you run away at the first obstacle?

You're always afraid. You're afraid to say what you think.

You're afraid I'll leave you. You were even afraid to leave me.

I'm sorry.

All right. What can I say?

Sometimes people come to me to get closer, sometimes to separate.

All you can do now is work on your separation.

I'd like to propose seeing each other here once again.

What do you think, Camilla?

Take a few days, and then call me.

How much do I owe you?

Three hundred.

-How much? -Three hundred Euros?

That's my fee.

Do you have it?

I hope so.

You have anything? I don't know if I have enough.

How much are you missing?

One hundred 20.

I knew you were here.

Araki! The top Japanese of Milan!

Look what I prepared for you. Come here.

Salmon. North Seas. They are cold there, but free!

Tonight choose the one you want.

Home delivery.

Let's go.

Let's go!

What the shit are you doing?

Go! It's your fault. Get lost, jerk!

What did I do to you?

Shit! 80 Euros!

Basketball challenge. Who loses, pays. Come on!

Come on.

Come on!

Free. You are free!

Hello?

What do you want, Simone?

How are you?

The notice from the courthouse arrived.

You knew it would arrive.

Yes, I did.

-I just thought you'd have advised me. -I did.

I thought it would be different.

It hurts.

It hurts.

Mr. Fortini and Mrs. Ledda?

The judge is late. Come back in two hours.

-Ok. -Thanks.

-See you later. -See you.

Are you staying here?

See you later.

Here.

Thanks.

What would you like?

A sandwich with tomato and mozzarella.

I'm sorry, but the lady's was the last one.

Then a coffee, please.

May I?

Of course.

You want some?

You must say, "Yes, I do."

Yes, I do.

It always happens to me, huh?

My pleasure, Simone.

My pleasure, Camilla.

Fortini, Ledda?

Mr. Fortini, Mrs. Ledda.

Fortini? Ledda?

I can't stand secretaries who remain years behind a desk

pretending to be idiots with their bosses,

who do everything not to notice their talent.

It's not bad.

You can do better.

Mrs. Adriana.

Pietro!

Falco!

Remember my mother?

We ran into each other a few times. Who knows if she remembers.

Vaguely.

See you, Falco. Bye!