Original subtitles

Previously on Vanderpump Rules.

Am I really going on OkCupid?

Write a little about yourself.

Brunch, dogs, wine ranch.

Why don't I just write basic bits then? That's who you are.

You're just so perfect.

Babe, you're perfect.

Uh -oh, no, no.

Last night, Jack was saying, hey, it's 3 a .m., like, Jackie, are you okay?

And finally, he's like, babe, I'm trying to record, and you are bothering me

right now. It scares me. The way you've been behaving lately has given me great

causes of concern.

Talk about how your dick doesn't work either.

What? My dick works great.

I haven't been really pleasant to you.

I know, I've done a lot of fucked up things.

But even if I don't always say it enough, just know I do love you.

I love you.

Yes, I'm happy and honored to officiate the wedding.

You're going to make me cry.

This one is for you tonight.

Money raining all around the world. Throw it up and let it all fall.

We about to turn it up.

You know when the money comes.

Your poor, poor neighbors.

They love me, dude.

Come on. Look at the horse line.

You have way too much time on your hands. You can walk in to Tom's

he'll be doing the most random things ever.

One time I saw him literally deep cleaning his Super Nintendo.

What kind of shake are you making me?

We'll mix a different thing.

Man, don't put a raw egg in it, please.

This is not rocky.

Eggs are the purest form of protein.

What's going on with having Tom's brothers?

I don't think they've ever been on a plane before or ever left that part of

with me.

Schwartz is really close to his triplet brothers.

And even though he tries to play it off like it's not a big deal, I know it

really bothers him that they can't make it to the wedding.

Try that.

Cheers.

It's good, right? What the hell is in that? Some yellow beets, some red beets.

Can't there be some sugar in it?

We've got to book those tickets, though.

It's going to be so expensive if we wait until the last minute like this.

I mean, I keep thinking about it. It's a great idea. We're going to do it. We're

going to have as brothers.

But if it costs like $10 ,000, I can't afford that.

$479.

Round trip, right?

Yeah. $1 ,500.

I can do that. I can throw in a credit card. I can just amp up my credit card

more. Sure, why not? Put myself in more debt for Tom.

Triplets live in a little place called Yulee, Florida.

And they all live at home with their mom and dad under the same roof, in the

same room.

Very unique, special individuals.

Brandon.

Hello? Hey, what's up, man? It's Tom and Jack.

Hey, what's up, man?

You want to come to your brother's wedding?

Oh, of course I do. I mean, I would love nothing more, but I don't have a lot of

money. If we could, like, somehow take care of your flights and stuff and

This is kind of crazy to me. Is this real?

Yeah, we're not messing around. No, no, it's all good. You going to get time off

work? Is it cool if all three of you guys get off?

That's fine. That's no problem. But I would want to surprise him.

Is this like a surprise thing? Yes, yes, surprise.

Yeah, so don't tell Tom.

Oh, God. Here it comes.

Here it comes. Should I call him and talk to him about anything? No, no. Just

shut up and listen.

No, don't. Do not tell Tom at all about any of this. It's all a surprise.

Okay, okay.

Tell your brothers not to say anything either.

Um, um.

All right, well, dude, this is really good news. Can I hit you back here in a

little bit?

Okay, yeah, cool.

All right, cool. I'll talk to you then.

All right, bye.

All right, bye.

It's like pulling teeth, but we're going to do it. Yeah.

It's dope.

Dude, he's going to be so excited.

I think he's going to come a day early just so we can go there on time.

I know they mean well. I know they love their brother, but they're not the most

responsible guys in the world. Good job. Yeah, dude.

I'll talk to you later.

All right, man. It's not going to be easy, but we're going to make this

You didn't finish the protein shake.

Wow.

They look cute.

Cheers. Cheers.

They look great with your wine bottle.

So do I walk like this?

Do you know who you're walking with already?

I'm with David Grimm. Who am I with? Who am I with? Who do you think? Jax? Yeah.

Oh. Are his brothers not groomsmen? His brothers aren't going. Yes, they are.

He changed his mind?

Jax and Tom are paying for their flights and everything.

Wait, what?

Did everyone else get their dresses here?

Yeah. I'm excited to see them all. I know.

They're so pretty.

It might be a surprise.

So maybe I wasn't supposed to say that. No, no, it's okay. Okay. It's okay,

thanks.

Wow. Finding one style of dress for eight girls, especially considering how

picky these bitches can be, was a task. I love the shoes. You like them tied

like this, right?

Yeah, I mean, do they feel comfortable? So I am so happy that they all love it.

Everyone's going to look fantastic on the wedding day, especially me.

They look so good on everyone.

I just think he looks so chic.

It's going to be the best day of your life.

I've got to find Jim.

Wow. Jim.

Hey. Hey, what's going on? You ready? You ready?

I got some candy.

Katie gave me the responsibility of picking out the flavors of candy for the

wedding favors.

I definitely like the peaches, the runts. I don't take this job lightly.

like the most creative input I've had for the whole wedding, so I'm not going

mess this up.

Ooh, I like chewy sprees. Oh, these are my favorite.

I'm literally like a kid in a candy store.

Yeah, get some of those.

Ooh, candy corns? Dude, bang my girlfriend, but don't eat frickin' candy

I mean, who doesn't like candy corn? It's a traditional Halloween treat.

Sour pink lemonade.

Ooh, sour rainbow belt.

Man, you just get wicked high on the couch and you think all day long.

Dude, these are sugar -free. Who would eat sugar -free candy? They're not going

to the gym and then eating a bunch of candy and, like, basically canceling it

out. Where's my candy bag?

I lost my candy bag.

I want a date for the wedding.

I have two dates this week. What?

I have one tomorrow and then one Friday, which I might switch to Saturday. Do

you hear yourself? You're like, I don't know, I might switch my Friday date to

Saturday. On second thought, I actually don't want a date for the wedding

because I want to be able to hang out with my friends.

And weddings are a great place to meet eligible bachelors. So going single AF,

you know what I mean?

So how are you and George feeling after Lisa agreed to officiate? We're so

excited about our future.

In that in order to do that, we had to let go of the past. That's really smart.

And now you know how to deal with the complex, you know?

Like, I mean, Shayna went to therapy once, didn't need it again. We learned

to communicate.

Yeah, and it's just the fact that we're a team, we're a unit, that we want to

focus on the exciting parts.

of getting married. You seem really happy. You seem a lot more relaxed.

Remember that scene in Predator? He's like, hey, you're hit. You're bleeding.

He's like, I don't have time to bleed.

That's me right now.

I'm in the wedding mode, baby. I'm rock solid.

I'm feeling rock solid.

You know what? I fell apart in New Orleans.

Got sloppy with a mat.

This is not normal.

What are you doing, Tom?

But it had to happen.

Now, moving forward, I feel like I've exercised whatever lingering resentment

was left of me. It's fully, finally all out there, left on the table. I gave

Tequila Katie a eulogy today.

Dude, in the cabins when we go up to the wedding, someone's got to go in the

dark and say, Tequila Katie in the mirror. No.

I'll do it.

Tequila Katie. Tequila Katie.

Don't do it, dude.

Hola. Hi. Hey.

How was your date night?

I feel a shit.

When we start a family one day, we don't want to be fighting over, you know, Tom

not having my back at a bar one night. As our first year of marriage was, I'm

like, better now than, you know, ten years down the road and a couple of

Speaking of kids, no, I'm not pregnant. Oh, God.

We're going to want kids sooner rather than later, and I just want to go to the

fertility doctor.

Yeah, just to, like, make sure.

I'm a planner, and Shay and I have been married for two years now, so obviously

buying a house and kids is the next step in our relationship.

I'm going to do anything it takes so that I can become a mother.

I don't know, next summer I might have like a... No, that's too soon.

Well, thanks.

I'm pretty sure Shay has to be in the same room as Sheena to make a baby.

I can't believe we're having these talks already. You might have kids. Listen,

they would have knocked on the door a long time ago. Oh, my God.

Stassi's back in the game, too. Poor thing. She's always like, I'm going to

a boy friend. Dude, wait. I totally have gotten a sense of how Stassi feels with

the third and fifth wheeling. The other night, I end up at Jax's house with

Kristen Carter, Jax, and Brittany.

Shay was still at the studio. Then we go out to dinner with Jax, Brittany, you,

and Schwartz. I'm like, dude, what is with the fifth wheeling? Not like Shay's

not invited. No, I know. He's been working on something special for me in

studio. Oh, special.

Something special or just avoiding everybody totally?

Okay, this is where I get off.

You know what? I might need to take my shoes off for my landing. I was on my

to work, and I suddenly see outside of her two horses. I mean, WTF.

Thank you. You need your shoes, Lisa. I know, right?

These two people basically take their horses all over the city. Thank you.

You're such a good boy. Thank you for the ride.

All right, then.

Off to work.

This is one of the reasons I love West Hollywood. There's always an air of

and surprise.

Always expect the unexpected.

Take him to pump. I'll be there later.

Where's that going? Is that going back?

To a table. That's not big enough for.

Who bought it?

Mr. Taylor.

What's this?

Sangria, it looks like.

Yes, did you pour that?

I may have.

Do you think that's big enough?

Should nobody take a drink out of that?

No, I stopped it before it got to the table. That's awfully low.

And that's low.

Cirque is the best pour in town.

This glass is barely wet.

Thank you. Make it look sexier. Now, if it was for me, oh, he pours me like I'm

his date on prom night.

Have you heard about what Sheena's up to lately?

No, I haven't. I've been really busy and not preoccupied with Sheena. She's

trying to do this infertile salvation.

What kind of thing?

Will you freeze your egg?

For me,

to you, I just don't think she should be doing this right now. I haven't seen

the guy all summer long.

I think he's working really hard. I don't know. You know what? I think he's

working really hard on something, but I don't think it's their relationship.

Because he's always at the studio.

You've always been very cynical about their marriage.

I've always said that Sheena could do a lot better. I've always said that. But

you know what? I kept my mouth shut because she loved him, and that's what

matters. But he doesn't come home at night.

Are you sure? I'm positive.

I just don't want to be the one that's called in the delivery room, you know,

help Sheena have this baby when Shay's in the studio making some beats.

Jack, you have to understand that it's not my business until she makes it my

business. All right. I won't say any more.

Can you get those drinks?

Yeah.

Coming up, I'm thinking this amazing body suit. Okay, we need to open up the

champagne. If I'm going to be naked, I need to be drinking.

Hey.

Hi, guys. Good to see you. Good to see you, too.

Thank you so much for doing this. Single, sexy, sassy.

All of my friends keep telling me that I need a little pick -me -up.

So we're going to do a photo shoot to get my mojo back. How Stassi got her

groove back.

I'm thinking to go with this carbon look. I love that. But for the killer,

amazing one -piece bodysuit.

Okay, we need to open up the champagne.

I'm going to be naked. I need to be drinking.

If, like, some of the photos aren't, like, too risque and I look really hot

them, maybe I could put them on my dating app.

Make me pretty.

Whatever. Don't judge me.

Sandoval's a better girl than I am.

And seeing Tom Sandoval dressed up as a woman made me feel like I need to step

up my woman game.

Whoa.

Yeah.

Contour. No, it's just where your spray tan is rubbed off.

Perfect. Yeah. Either those curves or death.

Love that.

So good.

In thing.

This is hot.

Thanks for coming with me.

I know you have wedding stuff.

Have you written your vows yet?

No. Katie.

I feel like Tom's is going to be better than me. He's way more of a wordsmith

than I am. I think Tom's might be better than yours too. Yeah. I know.

It's becoming so real now.

Like, my two best friends are actually getting married. It seemed like

that was, like, so impossible, something that, like, was never actually going to

happen, us getting married. Well, it's not happening for me, it's happening for

you. There's that.

When I was apart from Katie, I really learned that I really cared about our

friendship. I can't make everyone happy. The only person I'm worried about

making happy is myself.

That obviously comes with the price.

to be back best friends with Katie again. It feels really good.

Tom and I were like, I do, I do. And then we look at you and Sasha's like, I

I do.

Guys, ready for the next look?

Yeah. Awesome. Let's do this. Whoa.

Can I sit down for this? I can't stand up just completely naked. Damn.

Vagina filling.

This is one way to get your mojo back.

So straddling, kind of like facing this way.

I think it's, like, the most vulnerable I've ever felt. Your neck is pretty. I

mean, there's really only so many other ways you can feel more vulnerable.

Yeah, just get that sexy, saucy.

Stunning.

Now I understand porn stars.

There's just, like, something liberating about letting your boobs and vagina

just, like, hang out for everyone.

You're going to be like, what?

Whoa, I'm so hot.

That is a wrap on Miss Sexy, Saucy. Yes!

How is everything?

Is everything okay?

Okay, good.

Are you both doing okay?

Awesome.

Hey. Hey.

What's going on? Will you make me a call of vodka soda, please, for my table?

Yeah.

I was talking to Kristen, and she was talking about, like, who was walking

the aisle with who, and I was like, aren't I?

Why would you say that?

Why would you say that?

This is a surprise. Nobody knows.

Why would Brittany tell Kristen?

I mean, she's got a bigger mouth than I do.

Kristen, out of all people, knows.

I think she'll be fine.

Honey,

you have the biggest bladder mouth of anybody.

If this surprise gets ruined, I will be crushed. It will not be ruined.

I'm just a little upset. I'm sorry. Okay, well, calm down. You're at work.

Hello. Hi.

These flowers are for you.

Thank you. Books and wine as well.

Sunflowers are my favorite. They are?

I had no idea.

I've met Raquel's family a bunch of times. We get along great. They're

really welcoming and it's nice to have that family environment.

They're really supportive of our relationship.

Can I have some of this blood orange soda? You can have whatever you want.

Where exactly is Raquel's dad at right now?

He just left Alaska.

He was up there for two months. He was kayaking and looking for grizzly birds.

I'm starving right now. Yay!

Do you want me to bring this to the table? Yeah, and I have to get this

too. Dating Raquel is just a world of difference compared to Kristen. I mean,

Raquel is beautiful, loving, patient.

She's my queen. And Kristen, I mean, she's more like this hooker that you

on the hood of a BMW in, like, your car park.

James, you want to serve?

Yeah, let's make him do it, because I'll drop it all over the table. You should

be good at this, since you work in a restaurant.

You know, I wasn't a server. I wasn't good enough for that.

Does that mean you're doing the dishes? I was a busser, so yeah, dishes were

part of the thing.

How long were you bussing at serve?

You know, as interesting as the story is about stir and pump, you know, I...

Sorry, I'm nervous. I just wanted to get clear that I actually don't work at

the... All pumped right now.

You know, I kind of got fired from the play.

We're not exactly on good terms with Lisa.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So what did you do?

And I kept getting into, like, situations.

You can't go a date without getting your ass kicked. You're a bartender.

You need to get more cosmopolitan.

Pumpini! You're turning into an asshole before my very eyes.

I got, like, in a headlock at some point.

Seriously or joking around?

Seriously. Oh, my gosh.

I've just gotten another gig at a new restaurant that's coming out on Melrose.

And I haven't been drinking for a little while. And, you know, it's really put

what truly matters to me in perspective. And that is, you know, your daughter,

especially. And I just want to promise you both that, you know.

I love her so much, and I love you guys as well.

And just having other family there means a lot to me. This whole summer, it's

just been full of loss for me.

Dealing with my parents, like breaking up, has just been really hard for me. I

had to deal with me leaving sir, sir leaving me, whatever you want to call

I just wanted to make sure that you guys, you know, really do trust me.

there's not really a reason.

We've got to do this summer.

So we do.

Aw, dear.

Sorry.

You know, I love Raquel. I see myself being with her for the rest of my life.

And as much as people want to put me down or put my relationship down or not

believe in me, you know, I don't care what them people are saying because I

my future with her right now.

I want to propose a toast because we really love you. You're an awesome

You treat her like a princess and she loves you. And that's what matters to

I'm glad you're family.

We do love you.

So cheers. Thanks for coming for dinner.

I'm glad he came.

Coming up.

How much

time

do we have before we have to leave? Like maybe 30 minutes.

Holy sh... 30 minutes?

We've dotted our T's. We've crossed our I's. We've got pretty much everything in

order. I got my shoes, groomsmen bow ties.

What else do we need? Now all we got to do is go up there and do the damn thing.

Look at this sexy ass cake. I want to go American Pie style on this thing.

Set it right there.

We could put some dry ice underneath it, actually.

Cake, cake. You got this?

All right, what do you guys need help with? Should I get this now?

Yeah. I'm scared.

I'm scared for you.

You don't wear slip flops when you're holding precious cargo like a cake. Got

it? Yeah. Come on, Mike. Come on. I'm going to trip over the doggy.

It's okay. Whoa.

Oh, my God, dude.

Holy.

Wear shoes with laces like a normal cake carrier.

Dude, I cannot believe I did that.

That's a big -ass piñata.

Jesus. Let's see.

Knowing Tom and Katie, that piñata is probably filled with condoms and gummy

bears, Ninja Turtle action figures, maybe some weed for funsies.

Okay, I'm going to record you guys. This is the last time you're going to be at

your apartment.

Fiances. Bye. I'll see you when I get there. Hit him in the head.

Katie and I decided to drive because we have a lot of stuff that we need to

bring up to the wedding.

Aren't we supposed to tie, like, empty Coke cans?

Or empty soda cans to our car. That's when you guys, if you guys make it past

the wedding.

Is that a Freudian slip?

Plus, we like taking road trips together, especially because I don't

drive.

She insists on driving.

Bye. I love you. I love you, too. Bye, dog.

Bye. See you up there.

Hi, ladies. How are the goat cheese balls?

Well, hi.

What are you doing?

What the... The last time I saw Lala was two months ago. I apologize. I have a

gift for you.

Um, yeah. All right.

Thank you, guys.

And then she just disappeared off the face of the earth.

Seriously. I don't remember sending for you, bitch.

Yeah, you've been like...

Gone, right? Yeah, I went back to Utah for like three weeks, and then my mom

came out here for a week.

That's about it, though.

I've missed you, man.

There are so many things that I've been wanting to say to Ariana, and I haven't

wanted to do it over text or over the phone.

I've been feeling a little bit badly about everything, but... Yeah, I haven't

talked to you since you went back to Utah. I just want her to see that I'm

serious about...

How sorry I am.

I've been obviously embarrassed of my actions and how I handle things as far

not showing up to your birthday. But I really do feel like you've been a good

friend to me.

And I'm sorry about the way that I handle things.

Sometimes when I go through things, I just go into shutdown mode. I do it too.

Everybody, and that's why I'm so thankful for the friends that I do have,

because I'm like, it takes a really nice human being to be friends with me.

I was never going to, like, just not be your friend. But then I didn't hear from

you, so then I, you know, didn't really know what that was about.

I would love to give Lala a chance to show me and other people that she's not

who she's shown herself to be this summer.

But you can't just, like, roll up like nothing ever happened and act like we're

just going to pick our friendship back up.

That's not going to happen.

I'm coming in to officially let Lisa know that I won't be hostessing here

anymore.

I think she may have figured that out over the last two months.

Yeah. She probably feels disrespected.

Is she in there right now? Mm -hmm. Oh, God. Oh, God.

I don't know if you pray, but if you do, could you maybe say one for me real

quick? I'll, like, manifest some... Send me just good vibes.

All right.

Good luck.

Fingers crossed.

Oh, man.

Hi, Lisa.

Are you surprised to see me after so long?

Yes, I am.

Bloody hell.

Stone the Crows.

Miss Kent is back.

What the hell happened?

When I get into a mindset, and this is one of my biggest flaws, I completely

shut down.

I say, basically, F you to everybody, and I do what I want to do.

You're proud of it.

No, I'm owning it, like, for the first time. Well, just because you own it, it

doesn't change the fact that you're letting people down.

I stuck with you, and I supported you, and I gave you a job here.

And you just didn't even have not one iota of, actually, respect for me.

I really had Lala's back.

I really supported her. I was there for that girl.

And we were screwed by Lala. You cannot walk away from your responsibilities.

And that's why I'm here, because I feel absolutely embarrassed and awful that I

left everybody hanging. Now, it doesn't matter now, because guess what? Sir

survived without you. It survived before and it will survive after.

I agree.

Sometimes honesty can be the best policy. And I think here...

You weren't totally honest with what was going on in your life, and I think

there lies the problem. I don't feel like anybody is worthy about hearing

my life and what I'm going through. It's fine with that. Keep your life private.

But it's when you lie to people that they're going to call you out.

I don't know how to handle things sometimes, Lisa, and I'm trying really

Lala, you disappeared out of the face of the earth. Nobody knew where you were.

I suffer from anxiety. It's just a fact of life.

I don't want to say that. I'm not a psycho person, but I don't think the

way some people do.

I have anxiety to the point where it prevents me from doing a lot of things.

Unless you've been there, you can't even explain it.

That's when I really, really just need my family to bring me back up because no

medication in the world is going to pull you out of that.

All I wanted is the best for you, and if this isn't the right place for you, I

understand that. Do you understand that?

I do understand that.

You've got to grow from this, Lala.

I know.

Lala's entire strategy is being young and pretty.

That's not going to last forever.

I'll be all right.

Well, you should keep in touch.

Yeah.

Go on, then.

Coming up. I don't want to, like, hit you with the bill. I just wanted to make

sure that you were comfortable.

Maybe comfortable isn't the right word. Yeah, it's not.

Accepting.

There's a lot of people here I haven't seen in a while. You know, I don't get

spend a lot of time with, so I'm excited.

I'm sad my dad's not here, but it's okay.

I miss my brothers, too. I don't ever want to see Fret for the next 48 hours,

Lola.

They're driving up, right?

Katie and Tom are driving up because they're bringing the dogs.

Yeah. And they're bringing, like, all the alcohol and, like, all that stuff.

Rachel and Stassi are also driving up.

Okay. And the six of us will all be there.

Okay. Together. Everyone else is coming in the next day.

Hopefully they have a good drive up. Yeah, but then they can just, like, have

alone time before they're, like, overwhelmed with, like, friends and

wedding party. I think that's good. They can just, like, hang out together.

Wait, do you know what?

I didn't tell you this.

What? Do you know about Schwartz's brothers?

No.

They're coming.

Shut up.

Animal and Jack.

Are surprising him. No way.

I don't even have to tell you that. I'm not supposed to tell anybody because I

found out.

It's like a little bit of a fluke. What?

He's going to cry. They're going to cry.

We're starting.

We're starting.

We're in the woods.

Oh, what is that? A bear.

Holy shit.

I see him. He's looking.

Yeah. That was the first bear I've ever seen. There's bears all over West

Hollywood.

Well, we did it, boobie.

Hi, guys. Oh, my God. Welcome.

You made it. You drove the whole way.

Yay. Yay.

It's so happy you're here.

I'm so excited.

You guys. Good to see you.

I know it's not ideal for some people to get married in the woods and stay in

rustic cabins. We can grab your cake.

All right.

Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. It looks good.

Yeah. But for me, that is...

That is exactly what we wanted, and it's all real now.

When you're carrying a cake, you're hyper -aware of every step.

All right, we're going to go put this in the fridge, you guys.

So, I know you're tired and all of that. Yeah. And I don't want to, like, hit

you with the bill.

Oh. However, I just wanted to make sure that you were, you know, comfortable

with all of this and that you, maybe comfortable isn't the right word. Yeah,

it's not.

Accepting. Okay, yeah.

So we had the base package cost, which was $5 ,495.

Your rehearsal dinner, that's $4 ,000.

And then we've got the three nights accommodation, that's $1 ,495 a night.

then the big one were the flower additions.

It was an extra $10 ,150.

Yeah. It's our wedding, and I wanted it to be perfect, and I wanted to have

certain things, and they cost money.

So then the grand total is $51 ,058.

Me.

Begging my cry.

All right.

Yeah. I came up with, like, you know, this arbitrary number, this sort of pie

-in -the -sky figure, just to make a point on how much I would never spend on

wedding. If it gets up to, like, 50, I'm not going to be able to enjoy the

wedding. No, it's not.

Katie was right. In this case, we didn't spend $50 ,000.

We spent $51 ,058.

That's the bad part.

I feel like, yeah.

Yeah. I need a drink.

Go to the car, grab some booze, make a drink. Make a drink.

Look for the check.

Look for the check.

Chill. Chill. And pay you, then chill.

If you write a check for $20, I'll do... Dollars?

Not funny.

Yeah.

Do you have your checkbook? Okay. I couldn't find mine, but...

I can do the electronic pay.

I just want to get this over so I can show. Hello.

Hello.

Yeah.

Welcome.

20 -mile house.

I brought lots of stuff.

Am I Mr. Schwartz or Mr.

Schwartz? No, you're Mr. Maloney. I'm not Mr. Maloney.

Timing is impeccable. How we doing?

As excited as I am about this wedding, I can't help but think as I'm writing

this $20 ,000 check.

That's exactly how much I owe on my student loans. I could be debt free. I

be clear of debt. And that would be such a beautiful thing. Instead, I'm writing

a $20 ,000 check for like some flowers and a buffet.

Man, the things we do for love. Thank you. It's going to be great. All right.

Have fun tonight. Thanks again, Kevin. See you tomorrow. See you tomorrow.

going to get drunk now. The rehearsal's going to be great.

Bye, Kevin. Thank you. Bye, Kevin. You guys, can I actually make a nice little

toast? You're really expensive, but I love you.

And? Worth everything. And worth it. Oh, yeah, worth it. Totally.

Hashtag wilderness.

Oh, my God.

Yes. Oh, my God.

How can I help you with that?

That is amazing.

What's wrong?

Oh, my God. Gordo.

I'm so happy you're here.

I thought I'd never see you again.

No, we lost service for an hour. I was trying to get into someone's house.

And they were like, don't knock on the door of someone's house. No, it's

probably a murder.

Rachel and I almost, like, died.

Are we going the right way?

I have no idea.

I don't have signal anymore, so I can't. I'm not getting, like, the turn -by

-turn directions.

It's pitch black, no service at all. We, like, navigate our way to the wedding

by, like, looking at the stars.

I can't die single. There's so many things that, like, I haven't done. I've

never had a threesome.

Ew! There are signs everywhere that children painted, and I'm like, what the

fuck is this? When you're scared of children, it's like little chickens

scratching your head.

Like, Arrowhead is scary. We saw a bear.

We saw a bear.

It was an experience, and no one cared.

You missed the worst part.

We had to pay for it. Like, just like a check? Do I have to cut my own hole into

this guy?

I don't know. I don't know the pinata rules.

I can't believe everything that this group has been through, the fights and

breakups and the reconciliations and the fun times and the tears and everything,

and here we are all together. I think that's a testament to how much...

We do care and love each other. 99 bananas.

I bought those. Yeah.

I used to drink those in high school. I got one of my first handjobs on that. I

feel lucky to have a family or a family of clones. Do you guys want rosé or do

you want tequila?

I want wine.

Oh, my God. This is going to be so much fun.

Coming up.

Can't believe we're actually here and it's actually happening.

And I am bloody ordained yet. How did this happen?

He hasn't married her yet.

Oh, shut up. Of course he's going to. Hopefully.

I think it literally smells like an anus. I think it smells

delicious. Are you sure you forgot hot sauce?

Yeah.

Hey!

Look at you guys. So many cooks in the kitchen.

Kristen has a present for you, Schwartz. What is that, for me?

For real? Put it on Katie.

Yeah!

Yeah! You guys.

Yeah? What's up? That's who forgot their suit.

Pinneval. And missed his flight.

No way.

Missing a flight because of a wardrobe malfunction is the most Tom Sandoval

thing of all time.

He's probably going to miss tubing, which really sucks because he was super

excited about it. No! Yeah.

I'm hungry.

The bride -to -be wants a piece of bacon. Holy shit, that's perfectly

Let me get a bite of that.

I can't wait to see Wild Bill.

He's not coming.

I didn't tell you. Why? He can't fly. He just gets really bad anxiety.

Of course, I want everybody out there, but my dad can't make it because he has

real fear of flying. And then I have my brothers, and money's just a little

tight right now. And then I have my sister who can't come because of work.

I get to see him like once a year. It's not enough. I miss him.

I overpack. We're going for three days.

Three days? Yeah.

I'm pretty excited for Tom's brothers to get there.

I know. If they make it. I hope they make it. Why wouldn't they make it?

I just hope they're reliable and they can get there.

Tom's brothers share one Hazy Go cell phone. So the communication to book

boys a ticket was extremely difficult.

Soon as Tom's brothers get in, I'll be less drunk.

Kristen texted me and asked if there was anything specific you wanted at the

house, like food or drink -wise. Dude, I have zero urge to drink and party. I

still would like to be there and be included.

I'm just kind of over everybody.

One of the things I'm looking forward to at this wedding is spending time with

Shay.

Are you going to go tubing with us?

I don't know.

I feel like I haven't seen him a lot in the last six months.

And one of the best things about the 20 -mile house is there's no studio.

I was thinking about maybe wearing this to the rehearsal dinner, but then

everyone's telling me it's too fancy.

What is that?

The pantsuit.

Pantsuit? Yeah.

Can't you see?

I don't know.

Dude, I do your laundry and half the things I try and fold, I don't even know

what they are.

Righty. It's quaint, isn't it? It's like really rustic.

It's kind of woodsy, elegant, that's for sure.

Cute, come on.

Hello. Hello. How are you?

I'm Lisa Vanderpump. Yes, checking in.

So we have you standing in one of our terrace suites.

which is just right next door in our territory building. All of the resort

amenities are right on the back here. But where's the nearest Chanel?

Well, probably San Francisco, so, you know, a five -hour drive.

We have some hiking that you can do directly from the property.

The last time I did a hike, it was around Neiman Marcus. You're right to

But thank you anyway, Alex. You're very welcome.

This is absolutely lovely. I mean, it's totally different to many of the hotels

I've... We have two rooms. This is the master's bedroom.

This is the room?

Yeah, this is the royal suite room.

We're in the most expensive.

But I see her vision. And even if you're in a bloody treehouse, if you shut the

f*** up and you get on with it, it's a bride's day.

Okay, oh.

Come on, pup.

Can I put your bag here for a moment? Okay.

Tell me this isn't the bedroom.

It's a full -out bed.

It's obviously an upstairs. I'm going to take this up for you.

Okay.

Come on, up.

Go to sleep.

Hey, look, pink flowers everywhere. That's sweet.

Oh, my God.

Can't believe we're actually here and it's actually happening.

And I am bloody ordaining it. How did this happen?

He hasn't married her yet.

Oh, shut up. Of course he's going to. Hopefully.

I've seen him chicken out before.

You know, LBP sangria.

And he told me. This is the second time. He went out just like a big bloody

wussy pussy.

Oh, Ken. And bartending in pump.

Your buddy Tom Schwartz had a panic attack. He walked right out of the

the shift.

Are you serious?

He'd run out.

He couldn't even finish his shift. He's not going to run out of the wedding.

Don't be ridiculous. He couldn't finish his shift. He was too nervous. That's a

hell of a difference, working behind a bar, not knowing what you're doing. It's

probably more frightening getting married than working behind the bar of

hope Ken's joke doesn't have any truth to it.

Fingers crossed.

all going to be perfect tomorrow night.

What do you think, Jake? I don't know, but don't think you're getting any

just because we're in a hotel room.

Coming up. I've got to call Spandaval.

Wait, what's wrong?

Brothers missed their flight.

Bridesmaids. All right.

What up, dude?

Are you crying?

Yeah,

I got to show you guys where you're staying.

What's this?

Is this our room?

We're in the parlor!

Hey, this is perfect for you because this is where the gambling and the

took place back in the day.

Yeah, this is where the saloon used to be. Hey, we can finally play that thing

we wanted to try.

I'm just kind of fantasizing about, you know, being tied up to a bed.

Maybe Brittany feeding me a turkey sandwich.

It's easy not just being here and it feels really messed up. I don't like it.

He'll be here really soon.

We've been talking about tubing for like a month. I know. He made it through the

gate. as they shut the door of the plane in front of him. I'm taking a picture

of the window, and he's taking a picture of the plane, watching us fly away.

I gotta call Sandoval.

Wait, what's wrong?

Brothers missed their flight.

One flight, one day for your brother's wedding, and you f*** it up, you can't

make it? Like, I don't get it. This is why... F***ing idiot.

F***ing idiot.

Are you f***ing kidding? Your f***ing brother's wedding? What the f*** is

with you? I know, I gotta call Sandoval. I have to call Tom.

Next time on Vanderpump Rules.

This is awesome.

Yo, this is the best group activity we've ever done.

Oh, rock up the butt.

Yeah.

This mother is getting married tomorrow.

We wanted to give you your wedding present a little early.

What the?

You need anything else?

I do need to finish my bath.

We're going to back out. Do it now. There's a tray right out there. We can

it off and start a new life together.

So this is the part that can't be broken. Okay.

If that seems stuck, then the dress rips apart. Maybe tacos and margaritas the

night before you're supposed to slip into a form -fitting wedding dress is

the best idea.

For more of Vanderpump Rules, go to bravotv .com.