All language subtitles for Vanderpump Rules – S5E16

Previously on Vanderpump Rules... I know
what we'll show you. We can talk about

the bachelorette party.

I've always wanted to take you guys to
New Orleans.

We are going in full drag. We're talking
like, dude, I'm gonna f*** that guy

later.

This is Jacqueline Taylor.

I even quite fancy you myself.

I think we should have vows for the
trip. Like, I promise not to rage check.

I will have your back.

Rose, here we come.

Let's go get drunk.

I'm sorry.

I can't.

You're, like, crying.

Well, listen, I don't want a bad shit in
my life. But, yeah, you've made me feel

like shit.

Well, I didn't come here to have all of
our issues go to my face. No, I'm not

doing that. No, I don't want to. I'm
going to go have a time of my life. But

I'm... Mama, come back.

Mama, it's okay.

And Pokemon shit. I can't. Honey, you
gotta wake up for Gator Hutton. And I

to go to a fancy lunch.

Who's that?

You just farted. Was that me?

Yes, that was you.

Oh. I drank half of New Orleans last
night.

Alright, we have beverages.

We have beverages.

Have you been drinking this, Jack?

Yeah, drink that, Mark.

Do you remember, like, crying?

What? You were crying.

Oh, maybe because I was a bad person and
I wanted to be better for myself.

Yeah, well, if you actually do want to
be better, then you don't just apologize

for being certain ways to saucy whenever
you still act certain ways to mean.

If I'm mean to my ex -girlfriends, I
get...

punished. If I'm nice to my ex
-girlfriends and apologize, I get

like, what do you want me to do? I don't
think I was doing anything wrong. I was

upset about the person I used to be.

Well, I remember it more than you do,
and you were doing that. Do you know how

awkward that is?

I'm sorry. I love you. I love you, but
it's like you're kicking a dead horse.

Right? No.

Kicking a dead horse? Kicking a dead
horse is not a thing.

I get what you're doing, but it was
weird, okay? That's all I'm saying.

Fine. I'm sorry.

Why are you so long -cheared with penis?

So when I get out in the morning, I like
to hold my own to it. Oh, come on.

I mean, I love you, Annie.

You know, when the guys were going on a
trip, I didn't want to leave on a bad

note about me.

You want to think you're sorry or
nothing?

You were super mean to me last night.
Last night, we closed out Strong at Pat

'Brien's karaoke shop.

We had a great time.

What is this? I'm going to drink it.

I didn't.

I was watching the couch.

Around 4 .30, when everything started to
shut down, we started... Making our way

back to the hotel on foot.

Did you just admit that you were wrong
in me? No, you guys thought we were okay

at like 4 o 'clock in the morning
walking home.

No, I didn't leave your side.

That's scary.

Katie didn't feel safe.

So I started to say that I want to take
a car home.

But instead of just saying this, she was
like yelling at me. She was almost

lashing out about it.

Rather than Tom being supportive and
loving and understanding of me, he

I was just being...

Unreasonable. She started going off the
deep end and like blowing it out of

proportion.

Alcohol.

And it sucked.

Okay, I'm not trying to bust your balls,
dude.

Still drunk.

I mean, what if I am drunk?

That's why you're picking a fight with
me. I mean, like Katie Maloney would

don't discount my feelings.

I'm not. You don't remember because you
were too drunk. No, I wasn't, Tom. Okay,

Katie. I gotta go to Gator.

What the?

pretty we are.

We're so southern. I know, seriously.

Welcome to Galatoire. Hi, thank you so
much.

Oh, it's so pretty in here.

I thought you chose the best place.

Galatoire is one of the oldest
restaurants in New Orleans, and I've

there since I was a baby. Every holiday,
every birthday that I had, that's where

we would all go.

The fact that you guys are here right
now, it's just like...

I feel like I'm in a tango book right
now.

If only I had a Noah instead of a Tom.

Okay.

He was yelling at her. He was calling
her names. No matter what she said,

nothing was right. He was barking at
her. And I'm like, enough.

Even Carter was getting mad. And Carter
was like, dude, stop it.

The boys acted like weirdos last night.
Jack was crying and stuff. I was like,

get me out of here right now.

I am sorry.

It was so weird.

So many things last night. God, I'm so
embarrassed.

Hey, can we cheer so that I can drink?

I love you. I love

you. This is awesome.

I need this more than you'll ever know.
Tom, by the way. Derek, man. Derek, nice

to meet you. All right, so you're going
to see alligators, you know, birds,

maybe a snake or two.

I'm kind of a pussy with this type of
stuff, so thank you, Santa Ball.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

I'm scared of horses.

If an alligator does come on a boat
that's not part of the tour, you need to

out of the way.

I'm going with the guys today because...

I'm a groomsman, and the groomsmen and
the bridesmaids split up, and honestly,

want to see some gators.

Dude, this is awesome.

Jack, Jack, Jack.

Dude,

you're pissed drunk right now.

I know. Yeah, you are. I'm sorry. You
are, though. You are. I'm starting to

think that Tom is drinking for other
reasons. You know, possibly...

Situation going on with Katie. I mean, I
think possibly, but that's pretty much

the reason.

Holy.

Dude, I love airboats.

Oh, my God, he's coming towards us.

Oh, shit.

Whoa, whoa, guys, look, look, look. Oh,
my God.

Holy shit.

Guys, those things jump. Careful. Oh,
God.

Okay. You can drop it right in front of
them.

No.

Yo,

watch your hands. You guys are crazy.

Oh, God. Ariana.

That shit. Don't you watch YouTube?

I think alligators are cool. I think the
alligators are neat.

They're cool to see from a boat.

Oh, here comes Doc.

Oh, God.

Hell no.

No. Holy shit.

Go say what's up to Fred. Oh, my God.

Oh, what a good boy.

Jesus. Look at his tail.

I want to go touch it on here.

No, you got to put duct tape on his
mouth.

Come here, Fred. Come get your chicken.
You did good, buddy.

Here, if you want to give him something.
I want to give him a little something.

Oh, that's right. I forgot you brought
donuts. Yeah, yeah, I brought donuts.

Oh, what's up?

Get out of here. Oh, man.

Dude.

Dude, all right, that's fine. But, dude,
why would you do that to me right when

I'm sitting on the edge of the water?

This is really fun to push towards.

Jack, do you want a beer?

Yeah, I'll take a beer.

Oh,

my God. Who the fuck put a snake in the
cooler, dude?

That's fucked up. I could have easily
fallen in there. I brought shots for

everybody. Yeah.

Guess what shot it is.

I'll give it to you. It's a kamikaze.

Oh, my God, dude.

I don't want to say that I built the
whole trip around this moment, but this

definitely something that was going to
happen because he's the bachelor party

and that's what we do.

Oh, God.

Dale, there's poop stains on there.
There's better not be poop stains on

Carter says that I get hot mess, so
that's fine.

Brittany, you are the wild one. Wild
one!

Sexy and single can only go two.

Stop it!

I mean, at least it said sexy.

Like, she could be worse.

Who took in Sparkle?

Oysters Rockefeller!

Why did you guys get two orders?

I didn't order too much. I'm sorry.

I'm not big on seafood.

I especially don't like anything in a
shell. I don't want to be cracking and

ripping tails off and pulling off skin
and like, it just grosses me out.

I forget that you two don't eat seafood.

I don't want it in front of me.

It's very pungent.

Yeah. The anorexics can go off. It
grosses me out. So I can't imagine how

feel. Intense. Yeah.

I put thought into this.

But I think that you have to be...

Like, farmer -ish, too.

So, when I was in Katie's room this
morning, we were, like, getting ready,

know they, like, got in a fight, and she
showed me, like, a few text messages.

She was mad because we were walking so
far.

But I also got her to admit last night
that because of the cheating, that is

what it is. Thank you.

Last night, Carter, Katie, and I had
this huge talk, and we finally got to

bottom of why Katie fights with Tom.

And it's because we all think that
Schwartz, the girl in Vegas.

I know that it's true because I saw it
in a text message.

I saw it in a text message from your
reader. What is it? What is it?

It's a card.

I can make it.

It can move on, but you're not going to
forget it happened and it's still going

to affect you forever.

It's so very deep down. Yeah.

And now she's pissed off about every
little thing under the sun. But it's not

the little things. It's the bigger
picture.

By Schwartz cheating, that broke the
trust.

And I know for me, with Jay and the
whole pill thing last year, that broke

trust. And we couldn't fully move on and
recover from that until he owned it and

apologized. So that's what Schwartz
needs to do.

It's all about the Vegas girl. She said
it. It's not me assuming that. I'm just

assuming that's what she said last
night. Yeah.

Like, he has to admit this before the
wedding. He has to. Let's make it

Yeah.

Surprise me.

Coming up.

That

was

cool. That was cool.

So here's y 'all's seating arrangement.

My treat, man. It's my treat.

What's for lunch?

I got some boiled crab, you know.

Watch your glass.

Here we come. Coming down the table.
This is the coolest thing ever.

You don't get no better than a blue crab
down here in southern Louisiana.

Hell yeah.

How you feeling, man? Fine.

You okay?

You don't look fine.

I feel bad for the crab.

We're eating it. It's not like it's
going to waste.

I know. I feel bad for him.

You checking with Katie at all?

I have my phone on me. It's actually
probably a good thing.

Like, you guys should go to counseling.

It'll help you.

No. No.

Because she has to make criticism.

You try to criticize Katie, she put that
wall up so fast, your head will spin.

But you also, you got to understand,
man, she wants you to have her back. She

feels like you never have her back. But
that's what she feels.

Carter, that being said, after six
years, you develop a callus. There's

something that is literally, like,
driving you guys apart.

Yeah. And it's not just you guys
fighting all the time. Like, there's an

subject that's, like, maybe when you
hooked up with that girl in Vegas.

I think that literally weighs on her,
and then she takes it out on you because

you've never confronted her or had a
conversation about her.

I wish that was my only problem with
Katie.

I really hate that Carter's bringing
this up right now. I mean, this was two

years ago.

Did you have sex with someone in Vegas?
No.

I'm hearing all these rumors. What am I
supposed to think?

Every time I think we've resolved it and
moved past this, it resurfaces in the

heat of the moment when she's really
upset or she's been drinking.

Tom, you've already paid me back for
that.

A girl in Vegas, you make out with a
girl here, you do all that. You've

paid me back tenfold.

Like, come on, man.

Give me a break.

We had horrible problems long before
that and long after it. And that's so

f***ed up, man. I feel partially
responsible for this rumor getting out

first place because we were in Las Vegas
and there was a bunch of people that I

was introducing to Tom.

And one of them was...

This Vegas girl. And God knows, I didn't
even know they were Katie and Tom were

going to end up getting married. Why is
she mad?

That's the problem. She's always mad.
But she's mad at you for a certain

This sounds like Kristen propaganda.

You guys were arguing.

This is Kristen propaganda, dude.
Kristen propaganda, dude. You were

at her last night.

Carter doesn't give a shit if Schwartz
slept with that girl or not.

I mean, it's got Kristen's fingerprints
all over it.

Kristen is so desperate to try and
vindicate Katie instead of just

that Katie's behavior has been horrible
at times. It takes two, dude, I'm

telling you for sure, because Sheena,
she's had her issues. She's like, could

annoying as f***. Yeah, she's like, her
voice, like everything, there was issues

we had. I had to be completely honest
with her and be like, You make me feel

like when you do this, blah, blah, blah,
and just, like, tell her everything.

She told me all the issues.

And then from there, it's up to you if
you want to, like, work together or,

like, you know, compromise.

That's great, but she doesn't take your
deepest, darkest insecurities and throw

them in your face and raise texts you
for six hours.

How are you getting married? How are you
getting married? Huh?

Dude, listen, at the end of the day, you
don't want to spend the rest of your

life like this.

And whether you love her or not,
sometimes, you know.

Yeah, I know, I know. Yeah, that's
right.

Walk the dip in the butt, you know.

Yeah, it's hard, dude. And marriage, it
doesn't get easy, so it's not going to

get easier.

There's something inside of her that's
troubling her. Well, maybe it is,

And there's something that... You ever
know. You sound like a f***ing battered

wife. Chill. No, Tom. Chill. I feel like
I'm coming apart over this.

It hurts to see my friend going through
this. You guys are f***ing telling

Schwartz that he needs to fix this.

It's f***ing bulls***.

I've known you since you first set foot
in L .A. I've seen you at your best, at

your worst. I've seen you handle every
situation. I've been there with you,

I mean, he's one of the nicest guys I've
ever met in my life. I just want the

dude to be happy. I want to do something
for him. I feel helpless.

You take care of your family.

You take care of everyone.

You put your emotions always on the end,
man. Always on the end, dude.

I don't want to see you like this, man.
You deserve better, dude.

The waterworks.

This is a bachelor party. Everyone's
crying.

I'm sorry, dude.

I kicked with you guys so I wouldn't
have to deal with crying.

I'm sorry, guys.

I'm sorry. I'm going with the girls,
man. You guys.

Look. We got the emotions out of the
way.

Happens on a bachelor party. Let's go
back. Let's chill for a minute and then

possibly throw on some heels and a
dress. Nice and pretty.

Hello.

How are you?

Good. We're thinking about adding some
items to the menu, right?

Yes. So I want to add three new dishes
to the menu.

I just want you to be creative. I want
you to have fun and really just do

whatever you want. OK.

The restaurant's doing really well, but
we want to keep it really kind of

current. Everything on the menu is
working perfectly, but we don't like the

to get complacent. So we always do
specials. And if it's really, really

then we add it to the menu.

I've got Natalie and Guillermo coming in
as well, so we can all just have a

little taste.

I think it is very good. And don't wear
those trousers again. It's got magic

mushrooms all over your face. This is a
mushroom.

All kinds of mushrooms.

All right, I should fire you for wearing
those trousers.

Oh, okay.

Even okay. Yeah, maybe another piece of
tape right there I was about to ask if

you wanted to do like a smokey eye on
me, but like this I think this one I

want to say the same thing. Who wants a
shot?

Oh my god.

There's someone at the door.

And then cake.

Who ordered a cake? I don't know. Who
sent this? Who ordered a cake?

Actually, it's a gift for you.

Uh oh, what's happening?

What's happening?

I hired a stripper.

I'm going to make this bachelorette
party turn up.

I think I just gave her, like, the best
wedding present ever.

I can't wait until we get to tell the
boys that you got a dancer and they

didn't. Yeah.

Coming up. We're just getting started,
baby.

I don't think that's right.

Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.

Come on now. Get up. Time to get up.

All right, get up.

Let's do this.

Woo! What's your name? Aubrey Sinclair.
Who's Aubrey Sinclair?

She's a legend.

She's a drag mother.

Every drag queen has to have a drag
mother.

When Schwartz decided he wanted to do
drag on his bachelor party trip, I

in the expert.

Hi, Tom. It's Aubrey. Nice to meet you.

This is Star.

Hi, Star.

Aubrey, Star.

Hi, what's your name?

Anastasia. Anastasia.

Hello, ladies.

Make me beautiful.

We can do what we can.

Now, do any of you need to be tucked?

Oh.

We're taking it really far here.

Are you kidding me?

Catch her next, dude. All right, fine.

This is a fall part.

I don't think that's right.

Oh, yeah, look at your butt now.

Hell yeah, dude.

My ass feels tight.

I feel like you guys just hate on me all
the time because I'm so pretty.

I'll be right back.

We're having so much better of a time
than the boys.

It is fun. a bachelorette party yeah it
was a stressful day and i'm not stressed

out anymore

there's

so many gender stereotypes that are
being broken right now we are blurring

lines of what it means to be a man and
what does it mean to be a woman in

today's society

I did think Ariana sort of wishes she
was bridesmaid.

Is it too late to switch teams?

So,

I think you guys are maybe losing in the
fun department.

Check your phone.

That looks like a girl.

A topless girl with whipped cream.

I mean...

Is that Bubba's butt?

Do you wish you were with them, or are
you glad you're with us?

Even though pretty much everybody in
this group has cried once on the trip.

What's the verdict?

Because we're just getting started,
baby.

I got like five sets of butt pads.

I got bras.

I got cutlets. I got tons of heels,
purses, dresses, wigs. That's hot.

You think so? Is it maybe? Ooh, I like
that.

I'm stoked.

I think it's a great idea.

Peter! I still look like a dude.

Peter, you look like somebody just going
to Burning Man. No, he looks like a

love guru.

No, you look like you live in Florida.

You've lived there for like 30 years.

You teach piano lessons or something.
Well, hold it down there in the front,

at least... What was going on over
there?

They were having fun. They were?

Yeah, they were having fun.

Yeah.

Yeah. As long as she's happy, I'm happy.
Dude, she's having a great time.

Really? Yes.

But I think that you're...

But you guys are going to be good.

She's definitely having a good time.

Okay.

I can't get over you guys.

I look like a bitch.

You do look like a bitch.

So gross.

Whoa!

Let's go break some hearts or break
something.

You know what I'm saying?

I feel really insecure now because she
can do weird things in the pod that I

didn't even know could happen.

I thought Katie was going to murder me.

But the tripper is, like, really fun.

One, two, three.

She's a girl's girl.

I dig it.

Bye, guys.

Bye. Thank you so much. Congratulations.

Thank you. Thank you.

My nuts are so constricted now. I know.

My balls, like, hurt.

Yo, this bar looks pretty dope. Okay,
here we go. I mean, if you're going to

drag. You might as well make it that
much better by going to the straightest

place ever.

Sports bar.

All right, babe. All right, babe.

I will be going

out tonight as Jordan Tyler.

What up, baby girl?

You want me to get you a shot?

Do it for the Vine.

R .I .P. Vine.

Tina Lamar comes from a nickname that
Tom and Tom made up for me

many, many years ago. I kind of would
love to get into the story a little more

about Tina Lamar, but I don't really
know if I'm allowed to legally.

Your dick looks so good in that dress.

Yeah, I'm getting married.

Do you want a shot?

No.

Maybe. I'm a good girl.

I mean, in a bad way.

So what do I got to do to get a guy to
buy me a drink?

I'll buy you a drink.

Yeah? I'm not a guy, but I'll buy you a
drink.

That'll work.

I got a new single that's dropping next
week, so, like, follow me and check it

out.

Excuse me, why is Jordan buying them
shots?

I don't know. No, I'm not talking to
them. I'm not talking to them. I'm not

talking to you. Yo, take a picture of
me.

Dude, that's love.

That's love.

Dude, if I gotta go to the bathroom, I'm
in serious trouble.

I don't know how to pee.

Hey, to The Bachelor.

Yo, to Visa.

She's the hottest chick here.

So Schwartz is kind of drinking a lot.
And I guess, you know, that's okay for a

guy that's gonna get married that maybe
shouldn't be.

Can you guys help me out? Where is my
penis?

It's not there.

If you see it, I need it.

You can, you know...

Play around with it for a while, but I
need it back.

A

guy

bought me a star.

A star.

Thank you, sir.

I appreciate it.

Cheers. Thanks, gentlemen.

Finally, a gentleman.

John!

I'm hotter. She tastes better.

I peed on my dress.

Ouch!

Oh, my God. What?

Come here.

Oh, my God. I love you.

Coming up, you fight about one thing.

You fight about the package. Check in
Vegas.

I just

sent you guys the picture with no red
eyes.

We look so pretty.

She had a bachelorette party.

We did the standard.

Strike it.

Ew, and it's tickling.

We carved penises out of cucumbers,
like, created toilet paper wedding

blah, blah, blah.

Katie's bachelorette party, Dossie
planned, so we went on a murder tour.

First two men are men tied to posts with
their stomachs split open.

So they were here. Men stand to the wall
with their mouths down.

They keep it on their girlfriends.
Delphine and Lori would take animals.

Comes up from behind them.

Wax them across the head. They were like
cheaters. I was like, I get it.

No, this was the most dangerous street,
though.

It seems like the main reason a lot of
people get murdered in New Orleans is

because of cheating.

Like, if we all lived here, it would be
a ghost town.

Wait, so are the guys back yet?

Shay never made it out with them
tonight.

Oh, he did not? No. He has, like, legit
sun poisoning or an allergic reaction to

something from today.

Shay doesn't drink. He feels kind of...
out of place on this trip.

Is he exaggerating it a little bit?

Possibly.

Just the two of us. How are you? Good.

So I've got Joe just kind of playing in
the kitchen, like experimenting.

Ken and Natalie and Guillermo and I love
to create a menu that's really going to

appeal to everybody, but it's got to get
past me first.

New recipes?

Yeah, why not, right?

I don't know what you would even change
on our menu. I love everything on there.

We're still going to love what's coming.

But that's a good part is to taste it
and then maybe it will surprise you. I

mean, I'm open to taste it. The organic
cabbage soup.

Cabbage, onion, carrots.

Joe says it's really good.

No, I like it because I love cabbage.

This is the kind of food that kind of
when you want to lose 30 pounds.

Oh, my God.

No, Paul.

Thanks, Joe.

What's the next one?

I have number two, the ahi tuna with
yellow beans, and it's a lemon -olive

sauce. It's gluten -free, too.

That's yummy. I love it. Yeah, that's
good. That's very healthy.

I like that.

Yeah, I like that. That's fun.

So this is the leu de mer.

Leu de mer. Leu de mer. Leu de mer?

Oh, I can't say it. Leu de mer.

Okay, let's have a go.

Oh,

I love that.

That's the best thing I'm going to eat
all of it. You don't need to try it.

It's fine. Yes, okay, Joe.

This is really good.

So it's kind of got a different feeling
tonight, because they're all gone.

They're all at the wedding party.

Yeah, but isn't it the point, like, to
have a bachelorette party and a bachelor

party, you know, like, separated?

Yeah, both sides.

That's what we do at home, I don't know.
I upgraded Colm and Katie's room.

We've taken them out of a single bedroom
into a double bedroom now.

Well, hopefully he's not sleeping on the
couch.

you guys been?

You know what I've been dealing with?

Who are these girls? I don't know.

You look like me.

Yes, she does, baby.

I'm loving you guys.

My god, her nails.

Why the stripper?

Of course.

With the dark wig, I felt like my vibe
was 50 -year -old stepmom. With the

blonde, I'm giving it this more sassy,
sexy, youthful look.

He, like, went all out.

Sandoval's a better girl than I am.

If I took Sandoval's photo as a woman
and put that on my dating app, he would

get more likes than I would.

Are those my old underwear, my old butt
pads that I have?

No, they're new.

I can't even deal with this. Give me my
fucking vodka soda. I think I just

sobered up.

You are not sucking on your cigarette.

I actually kind of like it. It's
hilarious.

Jack looks like your friend Tiffany,
spelled with an I at the end, that needs

ride to a Czech cashing place.

And then another ride to 7 -Eleven for
cigarettes.

I don't know if you got a man, but I'm
available.

I'm not going to lie.

Huge penis.

I think Tom and I take our fighting to
extremes at times, but we're

able to forgive each other. And I know
that doesn't make any sense to people,

but that's our relationship. And if you
have a problem with that, we'll be glad

it's not yours.

Everybody thinks that Tom is so
adorable.

He's not that innocent.

He has to tell her that he's a bitch in
Vegas.

Tom is great at sweeping things under
the rug, but I'm not.

Schwartz, come here.

I want to talk to you. Wait, I'm just
chilling.

I know you need to talk to me.

Coming up. It doesn't concern you. Stop
talking, Sandoval. Get the fuck out of

here. Are you serious?

Yeah, this room's a little trashed.

Listen, Tina had a good night, but
you're not going to see Tina for a long

I have to say, this is probably one of
the weirdest bachelor parties I've ever

been to.

Do you want these?

No, I don't want yours.

Do you want to do my dress?

Here.

Please, I want to take my clothes off.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh,

my balls can finally breathe.

Holy shit.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll never
do that to you again.

Am I just being you?

Yeah, I want to talk to you.

I'm going to be so straight up with you,
okay? Yeah. I had a really long talk

with Katie last night.

I'm sort of now piecing together the
fact that everything you and Katie fight

about, you fight about one thing. I'm
trying to oversimplify it. You fight

the fact that Chick in Vegas and you
never got over it.

Kristen, what the?

You know, it just goes to show how
flawed their logic is, because we had so

more fights before the Vegas thing ever
happened. So how do you explain that?

We never had sex. Yes, I made it. Carmen
was there, and she saw it. Get out of

here. No, please. This is the dumbest
conversation ever.

Schwartz, please listen to me. Take a
deep breath.

Please. You're freaking basic.

Hey, princess, where are you going?

Dodie's the same basic bitch that I
always knew she was.

What? No, Dodie sucks.

Same basic psycho bitch.

Schwartz. You too. She poisoned your
mind.

No, man, you don't f***ing listen.

Guys, back off. I want you and Katie to
f***ing be on the best page ever before

you get married, please.

If Schwartz will just tell the truth,
it'll finally be out in the open, he and

Katie can move on and get married.

Guys, guys, what is the f*** is going
on? Seriously, listen to me. Huh? Go

Go away. Don't pull me aside and say,
yeah, Carmen said, I did not pursue, I

know what... Let's revisit the night.
You want me to talk about who you had

with, too?

I know everything. I talk about all the
shit that I've done. Just let him go.

Can you go the fuck away so I can talk
to Tom? No.

No. Do you want to go to war?

I will roast your ass if you want to go
to war with me.

No,

I'm not. I'm not Tequila Tom.

I am a killed human being. Okay, Dodie.
Alright, now we're done.

Let's go.

Let's really go. Here, Dodie.

Let's go. Let's go.

Sandoval, this is none of your business.
It doesn't concern you. Really? It

doesn't concern you?

Are you f***ing kidding me?

Kristen is being Kristen.

Stop talking, Sandoval. Get the f*** out
of here. Are you serious? Get out of

here. She's a complete psycho.

I've been there.

I know.

Carter, I love you. Get out of here.

Frank, Carter, come with me. Not Dodie.
Not Dodie. This is too much.

This is too much.

F***ing bitch whore.

Watch your f***ing mouth.

I know this too, but that's not the
f***ing point. There is a f***ing point.

idea of the f***ing sh** that Kristen's
capable of? I'll tell you.

It'll blow your mind, Carter. This is
insane.

I mean, Kristen was way worse of a troll
than Schwartz.

Listen, bro. There's no listen.

You don't know. I was there. I was
there. If she's going to get my face,

going to talk about old Dodie. You're
dating a newly improved Kristen. No, but

it's not about Kristen. It's not about
Kristen. Why are you yelling at Tom and

why is everyone yelling at each other? I
tried to talk to Schwartz about the

Vegas girls.

Did you tell her, you know, sort of?

Did we brief?

Okay, Tom and Tom are like getting in
Carter's face.

How many guys did she fuck while she was
dating you? A lot.

Not about Kristen right now.

That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. She brought up
the past. She brought up the past.

Everybody fucking grows up, Tom. And
guess what? You grew up to be fucking

Okay. You guys, honestly, you guys
should date. This is ridiculous.

All right. Carter.

You're going for the dig. Carter. You're
going for the dig. Because you grew up

and you became mad at her.

No, you grew up and you became mad at
her. No, but you're not listening to

I'm saying.

I'm not going out there. I'm not getting
involved with that.

That's a mess right there. Either you
did or you didn't have sex with that

I guess. Whether you did it or not, but
she can... It doesn't matter.

But it does.

You're goddamn right I made out with
her. Yes, I made out with that chick.

You're goddamn right.

I did not.

Carter, you really don't understand.

You're asking for trouble if you're
getting involved in that. That right

it's been a war for 10 years. That right
there is a 10 -year battle. You're

going to get involved in something
you've been here for a year for?

That's a war up there, isn't it? No.

Okay. What the shit is going on?

Cody, I'm way out of line. She's coming
out of line. She's been downstairs the

whole time. Okay. All right. You weren't
there, bubba.

I wasn't there. She's been downstairs.

Act like a moron. You want nothing but a
shitload of love. Okay.

This is gonna be a disaster for both.

Katie, on her own, just said, this is
why I'm so fucking angry, and he never

admitted, he never acknowledged it.

This girl, I've already forgiven him,
but I need him to say it. Okay, so,

so finally there's a root, though. Yes,
yes.

Thank God. If Katie really thinks that
Schwartz slept with this girl in Vegas

and she's been holding on to this grudge
for two years, I can totally see why

that would be a huge issue for her that
she can't get over. They have a lot of

shit that they need to deal with. And
Schwartz was like, Jodi, you're a bitch.

And this is the end of the show.

Coming up.

Dude, I'm done with her. I'm done with
Katie.

I'm not marrying her.

I'm not.

He kissed the girl.

That's not true. Oh, it's not true. Were
you there?

No,

no, no.

Were you there? No,

you did not. I know you didn't. I don't
know exactly what happened, but I'm

almost positive we didn't have sex.

Your penis was not capable of going
inside that girl. Sorry,

but it wasn't.

But I woke up in her room and I left
really early and I knew that I had

up really bad.

Um, if someone wants to tell me what the
f*** is happening, that'd be cool.

I pulled shorts outside and was like,
no, I'm like, I just want to like talk

you and Katie, whatever.

Just getting defensive.

He was like, you don't even. I'm sorry,
I don't know anything.

About the Vegas girl and the cheating.

I didn't, you've never talked to me
about this.

Thought about what?

Like, whether Schwartz had sex with
somebody.

Well, I had no idea that's why y 'all
are fighting.

That makes so much fucking sense. I wish
I knew it.

This is something that came about, like,
when we were, like, not friends.

Kristen bringing up this Vegas girl to
Tom was in good intention, even though

the tact and the execution of it was
just completely off. But you can't...

Put the toothpaste back in the tube.

I didn't want to talk to everyone about
it. I didn't want to make it public

knowledge. I was trying to protect... I
was trying to protect Tom.

That's the f***ing issue. That is the
root of all these problems. We did

out that the root is Vegas. That's the
root. That's the root of everything. Oh,

that's the root.

What about the four years before that?

I'm done.

Dude, I'm done with her. I'm done with
Katie.

I'm not marrying her.

I'm not.

I cannot marry her.

Next time on Vanderpump Rules, Tom and I
have had a few little flare -ups. Flare

-ups? That doesn't sound good. Oh, thank
you for saying that. Leave him the f***

alone! He's a f***ing battered wife!

Look at him!

He basically admitted to hooking up with
that girl.

Like, that's it?

Yeah. When you put a ring on my f***ing
finger, it just stops right in your

f***ing face.

I don't deny the fact that I cheated on
you. Two in one weekend.

Tom, where's my penis?

Oh, my.

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