All language subtitles for Vanderpump Rules – S5E11

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Previously on Vanderpump Rules... Oh,
wow! Happy birthday, Saucy!

You, uh... Excited about Sonoma? It's
going to be amazing.

I want to go and have a good time on
your birthday.

Where's Lala?

I don't know.

Lala's basically just proving to me that
she's shady.

I think it's best for me to walk away
from this workplace.

Time to grow up and deal with it.

Bridesmaids! I thought that Ariana would
be here. She doesn't even like being a

bridesmaid. We have to refold
everything.

It's not organized.

Why are you still harping over me? Shut
up!

You guys, stop bickering. I don't know
how this turned against me all of a

sudden here, because I'm about ready to
walk out two seconds.

Jiggy, you need to go on a Beverly Hills
diet because I think you put on a

little bit of weight, fatso.

Let me look.

Oh, look at that. Come on, that is sexy.

Look at that.

And then you're going in your bag.

This is a boy bag.

It's a boy bag for a real man.

I've been passionate about dogs for
years, so it's a bit of a dream, really,

kind of starting to go into doggy
apparel, leashes and collars and bags.

People say I'm obsessed with dogs, and
you know what? They're absolutely right.

Come on.

Hi.

Hey, guys.

Sorry about the craziness. No. There's a
Harrison pop right in there. Yeah, it's

Harrison. Maybe I'm going to go.

Okay.

See you later. Guys, I'll see you later.
I've got to go to the pump. Okay. Okay,

I have all the dresses that you wanted
me to get.

Okay, great.

And I brought my assistant with me
today. Your assistant.

We've had so many dresses over the
years.

I mean, there's not a perfect dress for
everybody, clearly. I find the perfect

dress, and this one doesn't like that,
or this one prefers it. I feel like

putting them all in an orange jumpsuit.

Maybe Jack's has got one I could borrow.

This is a little... I don't like
shoulders.

Oh, no, you don't like to sit up the
side. There's a little bit of cleavage

I could try them on for you, just for
visual aid.

I'll pass on that.

That's not form -fitting enough. No, but
this is... That's like a tent.

That's the kind of thing I wear when I'm
hiding something.

So this one wins?

Yeah, because it's a young, beautiful,
you know.

Quarterling. Yeah. With a goal. With a D
for V. And then on the back. How were

the trips? How did everything?

There was an RV.

There was fast cars.

That was the one tall trip. So much fun.

Way better than staying in a RV with
each other.

This is who's absence makes the heart
grow fonder. Yeah. Well, I hope so.

Yeah. I mean, it's not long now.

I'm having...

My bridal shower coming up? Right. It's
like the first big wedding event of the

season. When are you doing that? Just
coming with you. My bridesmaids have

planned my entire bridal shower and have
not told me anything.

And unlike all the other wedding events
this summer that are about me and Tom,

this one is just about me.

Well, and I also wanted to invite you to
come.

Me to come? Yeah. My mom and my grandma
are coming to town. Brittany's mom is

actually going to be in town, so I told
her to invite her mom.

If you have time, I'll come by for a
brief moment to have a glass of wine

you or a glass of champagne with you.

You working tonight?

No, I had to get my shift covered
because Kristen is doing a sketch comedy

with improv later.

She's the least funny person I know. But
I think you would actually be

pleasantly surprised.

You're kidding me.

Hey. Hi.

What? Looks like Blah Blah is trying to
get her covered tonight. Uh -oh.

Tom's a pit.

They should be.

She didn't call or anything.

I heard Jax was being kind of a little
dick. Just got in like these little

bickering, little arguments.

We got to get over this stage.

My mom is on the way. Just don't want us
to bicker and stuff in front of her.

Oh, yeah.

Jax came home for Christmas last year.
He was on his best behavior. He was

winning everyone over. But Jax needs to
shape up and play nice because for now

my mom likes him and I would really like
it to stay that way. He just likes to

hear himself.

talk or something.

Yeah. Obviously, you know, I'll always
keep him in check for you if you need me

to knock him around a little. He needs
to get his shit together.

Oh, I know.

Ooh,

you want this glass with change in it?

Sure.

Hi, guys.

What happened?

I'm going to be honest with you guys. At
this point, I don't really feel like

I'm wanting to surround myself with
people that I don't want to be around. I

love you.

I love you.

But the second I heard the list of
people that were going, I had a pit in

stomach about it the whole time. The day
before, you were like, I can't wait for

Sonoma. I can't wait to go.

Is this something where we're trying to
put Lala into the lion's den? If anybody

said anything, you know.

That would have gotten shut down real
quick.

We've taken a lot of grief and sticking
up for you, Lala.

I know that. And this is how you're
going to pay us by literally just

out last second? You couldn't even
answer our text messages. We got an

from you after we already landed. You
handled that really selfishly. I will

gladly pay you back for what you guys
spent on my ticket. It's not about the

money.

So much planning, so much time,
everything went into this weekend.

I'm not surrounding myself with people
who don't bring out the best in me.

That's just what it is. You're not going
to apologize for not showing up for

your friend's birthday? Why are you
speaking to me? Why are you talking to

Because she's one of my best friends.
You don't need to tell me that.

She can tell me that. Well, I think she
has, and I'm reiterating it. Okay, well,

nobody's talking to you. I apologize.

I have a gift for you if you want.

That's what it is.

Yeah. All right.

Thank you, guys.

After this sorry -ass excuse for an
apology, I think I'm good on Lala.

Maybe forever.

Don't need people in my life that are
going to f*** me over.

Plain and simple.

That's right. Oh, I'm following you.
I've been on a sketch comedy troupe with

three of my closest girlfriends.

Loving the no -weave look on you,
ladies.

I feel like we've come a long way. Doing
the main stage at the improv, I'm so

proud of us.

Ooh, we got front row seats here.

I am so excited to be here hosting
Saturday Night Live.

What?

That's really embarrassing.

But comics drink for free, right?

No, you're not a comic. We're just kind
of doing a show.

You guys, sorry. Yes, this is a comedy
show, and I'm not a comedian, clearly.

My boyfriend gets really sick of hearing
me talk, and I need an outlet other

than Snapchat to force an audience to
listen to me. So, you're welcome.

Although, I was not invited up here, per
usual.

I invite you all to laugh your asses
off, get drunk, and don't take comedy

seriously.

So Kristen had a comedy show? Yeah, she
did sketch in her free time. I take

sketch comedy very seriously, so it
offends me when people just think that

can just do it.

I feel like Ariana isn't coming today
because she doesn't want to take the

chance that she might, I don't know,
laugh, enjoy herself, think I'm funny.

Kristen, your phone keeps going off.
Yeah. What?

Okay, here it is again. Are you avoiding
someone?

No. Do you have an embarrassing amount
of dick pics on your phone?

You could spend hours deleting every
single sausage, but let's be honest, who

has time for that?

That's where the Hung app comes in.

The hung ass detects the first sign of
dick pics and automatically transforms

them into Pinterest -worthy works of
art. Happy birthday, Kristen!

For me? Shut up! Where did you get this?

My ex -boyfriend.

Oh my god, you're so bad!

We transformed that slum shot into a Van
Gogh starry night.

Uh, Rachel, your new painting is
everything.

Yep, that's mine.

I just really wish that, like, Kristen
would have gave me a heads up.

I just think it's really odd that...

You know, Kristen and Rachel are good
friends with Britney, but yet they would

kind of go up on stage and use a picture
of my penis in front of her.

Kind of a low blow.

Thanks, hung up!

Oh my God, it better not be.

They went on a porn site.

I definitely recognize that dick in that
pic.

I mean, it's my boyfriend, of course I
know what it looks like.

Jax was dating this chick, and, you
know, he did what Jax does. He Jaxed

and she wasn't too happy about that. So
she retaliated by tweeting a pic of a

dick pic that he had sent her, and then
she, like, tagged all of his friends.

Sandoval looked at the pic and
recognized Jax's shoes, and the rest is

It's a triumphant, glorious battle.

It's a nice day.

I'm not ashamed.

Porn stars model their penis after.

Or they model dildos after. I mean, I
would be a really good dildo model.

Where's your drink?

I need one.

Bye.

I don't know if you realize this, but
they used Jax's dick pic.

Are you serious?

In the show.

I'm trying to put myself in your
position, and I would be easily upset,

really have to say, I'm so impressed
with the fact that you can call out your

boyfriend's penis in a photo that's
matched up with something else. No, I

recognize Jax's penis.

I mean, I wouldn't recognize any of my
boyfriend's penises. They all look the

same. They're either like, or like.

We're like, mmm.

Like, hello, I'm dating this guy, and
it's a dick pic.

You guys are my really good friends, and
you couldn't even, like, give me a

heads up and, like, let me know that you
were going to use a picture of my

boyfriend to be a thief before.

I want to, like, ask her.

It's actually a lot harder than I
thought to just Google dick pic and find

penis photo.

All you get are a bunch of, like, old
men politicians in navy blue suits.

I'm sorry that that happened. I had no
f***ing clue about this.

How would you like it, Kristen, if I
went on stage and showed Carter's penis

a crowd? I don't think you would like it
very much.

Wow, this is actually really f***ed up.

Coming up.

For these girls to live in L .A. and
never have been on a private jet, it's

like, I don't understand it. I mean, ask
any bitch who's not ugly with tits.

Oh, there you are. Yeah.

Do you really want to see our dining
room piggy bank or pink innocence or

princess? These are all wrong.

You're probably thinking of your future
nursery, not my dining room.

Lisa is very particular.

And you shouldn't be buying these. You
should show me these first. Then we

decide on it.

I wouldn't expect that from someone that
owns a million restaurants and lives in

a castle with a moat. So you're working
tonight?

Um, yes.

No, sorry.

I'm so tired. Why are you tired?

I went to Kristen's comedy show.

And what did Kristen do?

You know, they made up a pretend app
that for single girls who get sent dick

pics, it will camouflage the dick into,
like, a nice painting.

You can still see that's the joke is
that you can still clearly see it's like

dick. Like, look, and you can send a
happy birthday card.

You might as well be speaking a
different language to me right now.

Kristen and Saucy are coming over. They
texted that they're on the way because

we're going to listen to the podcast,
which I'm excited about. Would you be

willing to take a sociopath quiz?

I'm a sociopath.

So that's why it was crazy.

I think it's fucked up.

You lied to me. I didn't mean to lie,
but you understand why I did it.

I didn't want to make a scene, like,
right in the middle of a comedy show.

He knows I'm not stupid. I'm not easily
fooled. I could tell at first glance

that it was his.

I just don't get it. Like, don't lie to
me. I don't care how big or how small.

You don't lie to your girlfriend.

Why would you send a picture of your
genitalia to somebody?

Why would you? I don't know.

Explain to me, Katie. You know. That
part of my life, like, never really

existed. I didn't get dick pics.

Nor did I. And I feel really left out.

Don't you guys look cute?

Sit down so the girls can sit on the
couch.

Hi. You guys are matching. You match
your apartment.

Oh, gosh.

Kind of a bone to pick with you, Missy.
About last night with the dick pic

thing. Jax, I know, has a collection of
them because they actually used one of

his dick pics. What do you mean?

So you saw it? The whole audience? Jax
had...

Send the dick pic to some random girl or
whatever she ended up tweeting it. He

just said it's not his. You can tell by
his shoes.

Because if you take your picture down...
It's already bad enough that I've had

relations with some of you girls.

It was last minute choice.

Last minute choice? It's a dick.

Why would you do that?

I honestly had no idea that that was
happening. I know that Rachel and

of us even thought it was like... The
whole room is looking at his penis.

So it's a really weird situation to
begin, and I was very hurt by

it. I don't understand. You didn't
click?

You girls are smart girls.

I feel like because all of us are so
forgiving in this group of friends and

everybody's done so many crazy things
and we fight all the time and all that,

sometimes it doesn't register.

I'm not going to lie. Like, I was super,
super upset about it. But you guys both

also slept with him, too. So it's, like,
added to the weirdness.

You guys, can we, like, seriously,
though, just, like, acknowledge, like,

weird this conversation is?

My brain literally was just like, I
don't know. We all think it's funny.

like, who hasn't seen Jax's dick?

So yesterday, Tom and Ariana confronted.

uh lala yesterday what did she say she
was doing instead well she said i just

couldn't go because of you right because
of me and tom my whole reasoning that i

can't say in her obviously is because of
what she's done to katie but the way

that she went and talked so badly about
him that's what drives me so nuts

honestly i think the only person that
can factually screw lala over And the

thing that he'll ever be good for for
the rest of his life is James Kennedy.

Having them turn on each other is great.
I keep hearing that she's saying that

she doesn't even like James. She can't
even stand James. And then when someone

showed me her Snapchat yesterday or the
day before.

He was on Lala's Snapchat, so they were
all hanging out. So I'm like, well, are

y 'all really friends or do y 'all
really just hate each other and you're

pretending to be friends because neither
of you have friends?

That's why I feel like we should find a
way to sit him down and be like, dude,

what's up? I know for a fact Lala is
dating a married man.

But she's been telling everybody, oh,
she's dating a football player or that

she's single. It's always her word
against mine.

So what we need from James is proof that
she's a certified skank.

Okay, I normally never listen to the
podcast at a time, so I'm just going to

play. I don't want to actually embarrass
you right now.

What if it says, like, yes, you're a
sociopath?

You know the funniest thing about this?
After this, we came home and got drunk

and took the testing in.

I even changed my answers, and it still
came out sociopath.

What's up with you?

Sup, how are you?

Good, how are you? Are you reading?

Yeah, a little music knowledge.

Yeah? Come on in. Come on in to the
library.

Yeah. Actually, you want some ice cream?

I mean, I'll have ice cream, but I'm
like a grown -ass woman. So do you have

liquor or anything else like that?

I don't. I haven't drank in a while.

I was the guy that would drink a lot and
start yelling. But nowadays, the only

time I scream is for ice cream.

It's creamy, delicious.

It's pretty much everything that you
want in your mouth.

Oh, my.

Yeah, leave it in the freezer for a
while.

You don't have anything to drink, dude?
Nothing?

A whiskey.

I've just been sitting in the fridge
forever. You're going to take one little

half a baby shot?

I mean, I'm, like, just chilling right
now.

What happened? You used to pop bottles
every time I came over here. Now it's

like, ew, I'm just at home to hang it
out.

Like... I've been working out a lot,
tanning, getting a lot of music done,

know? What have you been doing? I heard
you didn't show up for the f***ing trip.

What the f*** was that about?

My bag was packed and I woke up ready to
go at 5 .30 and decided I don't want to

go anywhere.

Well, I could have gone because you
didn't go.

I was at my ticket. You should have gone
because I'm so far past giving a f***.

It's like, sorry.

What did you do in the meantime, though?
I was with...

My dog at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

Who pays for that?

Your mom really paying for it?

Yes, of course my mother's really paying
for it.

She's a liar.

Your boyfriend is. Your sugar daddy.

And, you know, I'm not having any of it.
I'm over it.

So you weren't with a guy at the Beverly
Hills Hotel the whole time? I'm just

trying to grasp that. Because, like, if
you were just sitting there alone, like,

why didn't I come and show? You've got
to stop lying to your friends if you

them to trust you in the long run.

Um, I think...

I'm going to go with a few people to
Malibu if you guys want to go. We're

to, like, take a helicopter and shit
like that.

And I think we might be able to fit you
in. It's going to be really fun and

super pretty. Like, the house is right
on the water. And it has a helicopter

landing pad on the top.

The helicopter ride. Who pays for that?

This is, like, the only group of people
that have so many questions. I'm a guy.

All the girls are the only ones that
judge, like, that.

You can think that you're lying.

I'm just a guy. They are the only girls
that I've ever met in L .A. where

they're like, how are you doing this?
It's like, dude, that's just the way it

works in L .A. For these girls to live
in L .A., Sheena her whole life, and

never have been on a private jet, it's
like, I don't understand it. I mean, ask

any bitch who's not ugly with tits. I
don't ask questions. You just go.

a bunch of fucking fun people.

That's just L .A.

Coming up, when you get married, it's a
commitment to God.

All in due time. We've just been
together, what, now a year and a month?

How long are we talking, do you think?

Oh, my God, if I could just, like,
online shop right now, that would make

feel so much better. Like, my blood
pressure would, like, go down. I know,

I'm like, hey, I'm, like, a step away
from restraining order, but thanks for

meeting us.

Dotsie texted James asking him to meet
up with us under the pretense that we

have something important to talk to him
about. I'm not looking forward to seeing

James, but if this means that I can
glala over that as the end goal, I'll

one for the team.

Hello.

Hello. How are you?

I'm great. How are you?

Well, this is awkward.

Hello.

Kristen and Stassi, you know, why do
they want to meet up with me? They

want to gain some information on me,
find out what my status is at working at

Xur again, find out why Lala didn't go
to Sonoma, or...

Want a threesome with me?

Okay, so here's the bitch. I'm just
going to be straight up about this.

Lala the hoe, she's a bitch, and she
literally terrorizes Katie.

But it seems like you guys are really
close and hang out, but then I know for

fact that she just does nothing but talk
about you.

She said she does not like you. You guys
are not friends. You girls behind your

girlfriend's back.

No one's ever told me that before.

Not Ellie or not like Tiffany or not
anyone.

I don't talk to Ellie.

It's not like a secret. Nobody's being
like, don't tell anyone.

Honestly, it's pretty dumb for Lala to
be f***ing with me at this point when

she's the one with real s*** to be
hiding.

Lala's definitely been acting like super
strange to me lately.

Like, I've never met her boyfriend.

She is f***ing a married man.

But he's like, you know, hooked up a lot
of stuff.

Yeah.

I was given this contract.

Shut the f*** up. I don't talk about,
like... Confidentiality agreement.

Yeah. It's a legit non -disclosure
agreement.

Lala's boyfriend basically rented this
amazing house for Coachella.

Ticket, food, alcohol, weekend.

Only catches that you have to sign up.

In non -disclosure agreement, which
basically states that I can't talk about

boyfriend at all.

Do you want to read it to me or are you
going to hog it?

Social media, any forms of social media,
Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, Twitter,

Facebook, magazines, books, newsletters,
websites. But does it say his name or

does it just say her boyfriend? His name
is not on this.

Did you sign an NDA?

No. I mean, I guess she's handing it out
to other people and like telling them,

sign it. I'm sure Tom and Ariana have
got one.

What?

They wouldn't have been allowed to stay
in the house, so I would bet my life

they signed this NDA.

I have my suspicions about Tom and
Ariana signing this NDA, because they

say a bad word about Lala.

Here's the thing.

I care about you.

Dude, Range Rover gives away cars every
year.

I don't think she was the winner of the
car.

Her life is none of y 'all's business.
She works with her at Sir at a

restaurant. They defend and defend and
defend her.

Why? Is that all, FBI agents? I've got
work to do.

This actually has been great fun.

All right, later, guys.

Thank you. Bye -bye. For your services.

You got to hurry up. We got to get going
soon.

Mom, you want to sit on the couch?

Hey, did I have to take y 'all to bed?

Hey, I slept with you. I didn't lose my
bed.

I'm from a farm in Kentucky.

Very religious family.

I am really, really close to my mom.

I cannot wait for her to see, like, my
life and, you know, how things are

different in L .A. compared to back home
on the farm.

I think Jack just went to get his car
keys because he lost his keys.

I hope he's bringing some coffee.

There's a few things that I don't tell
her.

I don't tell her about all the fights
that we have, and I don't tell her about

how good the sex is.

Wait, that sounds weird.

We should have went to the grocery
store. You literally have nothing to

know. Sorry.

There'll be food at the private shower,
though.

Hey, there he is.

I'm here.

Did you bring me some coffee?

I did not bring coffee. There's coffee
here, no?

There's a Keurig there that we spent
$200 on that makes coffee.

Brittany's mom is in town her few days,
so...

Some things are going to have to take a
back seat. What do you think of the

view? I love it.

Definitely different from where I live,
but it's awesome.

No sex, no drinking, no cursing.

Definitely can't poop with the door
open.

Stassi's Stassi's mom, Katie's mom and
grandma.

Are you going to meet all the moms?

I want to meet your mother. That's the
one I wanted to meet. You guys have to

meet. And I love Florida too, so I can
just travel down there.

Oh, we'll come with you.

Because we're eventually heading down
there. There's no way in God's green

I'm going to raise a family here. Never.

It's not going to happen.

And since we're on that subject, like,
did you all ever get into a church?

A what? Did you all ever start going to
church?

I'm not a big fan of going to the big
churches where they blow the dust

everywhere. Blow the dust everywhere?
What are you talking about? They have

big organs playing and the priest comes
down and starts waving dust around. I

just can't relate to it, too.

Millions of years ago.

You need to come to my church in
Kentucky. I go to a Pentecostal church.

Pentecostal? What the hell is that?

I've never heard of that.

Sounds like a cult.

When you get married, it's a commitment
to your wife.

It's also a commitment to God. All in
due time. We've just been together,

now a year and a month? How long are we
talking, do you think?

How much did you spend on the Taco Bell?

Don't ask questions.

For Katie's bridal shower.

We've decided to rent basically this,
like, mansion.

We want it to be fancy and special.

So if we have to spend a little extra
money, that's fine. We want it to be

perfect for her. I have a million things
outside.

So heavy.

Katie's wedding is so important to me.

I'm willing to put things in my life on
hold.

I am here to make sure that her life.

It's so much easier.

That's planning the bridal shower, the
bachelorette party.

If she needs me to pick up her dry
cleaning, I'll do it.

Katie's really lucky. She has a lot of
personal.

Everyone gets a bottle of tequila when
they leave.

I'm really excited for this bridal
shower. I mean, I wish I knew how much

costing.

This is beautiful.

It's like a dream come true.

Like, who spends $200 at Taco Bell?

I didn't even know that was possible.

I'm going to eat something right now
because I haven't eaten today.

Kristen, I'm really glad you're here
right now because I've been waiting to

Tina. What?

We met with James yesterday.

What? Lala gave him an NDA to sign.

But he said he hasn't signed it.

Yeah, but now I want to know who signed
it. Tom and Ariana never, they always

used to talk about Lala. They're always
like, that's not true. I don't know.

They wouldn't have signed one.

No way.

See, we're at Cotella. I just feel like
I want to ask. Right.

Coming up. I like him. And I thought to
marry him.

Yeah, I want to wish you luck with that.

Take me out here.

Don't want to hang around.

Let's take off.

Make it so downtown.

Where's the Hollywood sign?

Come on, I think we'll see it up here.

And Rodale Drive, where's that?

I'll take you there. Yeah, I want to go
to Rodale Drive.

Bridal shower, here we go.

Maybe one day we'll have one.

I mean, you would really get me upset,
like, if you brought, you know,

Brittany's out here, and it's years and
years go by, and, you know. Oh, no, I'm

not going to waste anybody's time. And
you've taken her out of Kentucky. You've

taken her away from all of her family.

Times are different. It's 2016.

It's not 1970.

It's not the 60s where it's. It's not
like that anymore.

You're not in great mood, are you, Jack?
No, I'm not.

It really would mean a lot if Jack would
answer my mom directly.

Just let her know that you didn't waste
my time and move me from Kentucky to L

.A. Just let her know that you do plan
on having a family and being married.

say you do, but don't beat around the
bush when my mom is asking.

Look at Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell.

They have kids and everything. They
never got married.

They've been together. They're happy.

Everybody has kids.

Why do you guys still have marriages in
there?

Time to take in for you.

I'm getting a little pressure from
Brittany's mom. I don't know if I'm

tomorrow. I don't know if I'm ready in
six months. I don't know if I'm ready

next year.

Thank you. You're welcome. I had to make
some color decisions.

I love that.

That's so cute.

Thank you.

Ariana's milking this groomsman
situation for all it's worth.

I think I want you to officially be a
groomsman.

Oh, my God.

She does whatever she wants.

If she wants to go hang out with the
boys, she goes and does that.

Now she wants to come and hang out with
all of the bridesmaids. Katie didn't

want you here. She didn't want you here
0%, and you're here 100%. There's either

a deep driveway or a little baby step.

Grandma? Yeah, I can use the stairs,
yeah.

They're coming, they're coming.

My bridesmaids have killed it. I mean,
this house is gorgeous. There's all my

friends and family who I love.

There's cocktails.

And I cannot wait to be Mrs. Bubba
Schwartz.

Mrs. Bubba, you look so beautiful. It's
a perfect outfit.

Even your nails look good with it. I
painted them all the way here.

Hello.

Lordy.

Lisa's been instrumental and supportive,
you know, with Tom and I and our

relationship. So for her to be here
today and be able to take part in this,

means the world to me.

Taco Bell power!

Oh, my God, I could cry!

Taco Bell must end.

They need also to be, like,

verbally accosted, too. Probably. All
right.

Good old El Coyote. This place never
dies.

Welcome to El Coyote. Hi, thank you. We
love it here.

Would you like something to drink?

Four shots of Don Julio.

Let's go.

Hey, buddy.

All right, let's do it. I had to drive
the girls to Eagle Rock. The whole ride

there. Pretty mom. So when am I getting
grandkids?

When are you going to tie the knot?

My parents would never say that.

Too much pressure for Jackson. He's
going to, like, say he's got to run to

store, grab some stuff, and he's going
to keep on going, man. We'll never see

him again until, like, his mug shots pop
up on, like, the news or something.

Hi, Lisa.

Hi, honey. I wanted you to meet my
mother.

Oh, I'd love to meet your mother.

Yeah, this is my mom. She just got here
last night.

Hello. Hi, Lisa.

So nice to meet you.

My name's Sherry. Hi, Sherry.

I can't believe you're all in the same
apartment.

How well do you know Jack, then?

Well, he's been down to the country a
couple times, so... He's actually been

the way to Kentucky, hasn't he? Twice.

And how did Kentucky receive Jack
Taylor?

I don't like to pick my chickens. I
don't. I just don't. Look at those...

on, like, they're all there.

I like him. Enough to marry him?

She wants...

Brittany, to marry Jax? Has she met the
real Mr. Jax Taylor?

When you're dating a girl from the
South, they expect you to have kids and

marriage by 22 years old. I don't care.
She has to understand where you're from.

Exactly, which is hell.

I want to get Jax into church.

Got to get him out of jail first.

I mean, he's a bad dog.

I mean, he does not belong in church
yet.

So, what church do you guys belong to?
Oh, no.

That's my worst nightmare. You should
have done the Church of Scientology.

He's got a good soul.

He just gets a little bit lost in his
direction sometimes.

I just hope he doesn't break your heart.

If he breaks my heart, I'm going to
break his.

Why don't they put that in their wedding
vows? If you break my heart, I'll break

your dick. There you go.

You're a braver woman than I am.

It will be fine, I promise. Really?

Yeah, I want to wish you luck with that.

Coming up. Actually, I don't get into
fights with my friends.

Then I don't understand what you're
doing. Because I care about Katie. I

care about you.

Thank you all very, very much for being
here. It's just so, so very special, and

I thank you so very much. And Lisa, you
were there, and you gave her the love

and support that she needed, so I am so
grateful for you. Because I love her,

too. I don't love her as much as you do,
but I love her.

I love her, and you know what? She's a
credit to you. Thank you so very much.

What if you just took off and said,
listen, I'm out of here. I'm moving back

Minnesota. I'm going to change my phone.
No one will find me.

What if you did that? You guys all in?
If you guys both agree to break up with

your girlfriends, I'll call the wedding
off right now. No, no, I'm kidding.

I just don't like the concept of
marriage, but I want to see Katie happy,

going to marry her.

So, this is your something new.

Oh, my God.

Blue. So, I got you something old and
something blue, but their boat just

up being blue.

I should have just waited to, like,
break up with Patrick until, like, after

wedding so I wouldn't have to, like,
deal with this.

I'm going to be alone forever.

How does this go?

Oh, no, it's this way. It's this way.

See, this is why I don't wear lingerie.

It's inside out. It's inside out. Okay,

it's inside out.

How's that $500 flower budget go? Yeah,
how was that? How much is it inflated

to? How much were you expecting to
spend? $15 ,000.

$15 ,000?

At a certain point, you just learn it's
not worth it to challenge your

significant other. There's guys who are
like 15, 16. They go, listen, happy

wife, happy life. The woman's always
right. They've been brainwashed over the

course of many years. I'm almost there.

This, I thought, would help you out.
Because I know, you know, listen, I've

married 35 years this year. So I know
sometimes it can be.

Idiot, I heard there was this lady that
her name was Casey Oh

My god, she

has a tight realistic ass But you know,
it's sort of

better and that's where I still prove
it. It's kind of like a mix between me

you What we can check this blow -up doll
without any guilt whatsoever.

I mean, it's bloody cool, Katie.

I mean, how wrong could that be?

Have you ever met a guy like this who
said this?

God, I'm so happy I got married.

No!

Don't do it. No.

Here's to saving a lot of money on
marriage.

Here's to marriage being the best new
thing in my life. Oh, my God.

Talk to me in a year.

How was your flight? It was great.

You guys are, like, literally twins.
I've seen so many photos of you, but...

Spitting image.

I don't think you know, but do you know
what I found out about yesterday?

Kurt and I met with James. Why?

He did give some interesting
information.

So we all heard that there was an NDA at
Coachella, like a contract. Okay,

whatever. You can't talk about her
boyfriend. That's what we all heard.

Yeah, no one was at the house. Are you
still going to, like, pretend that this

guy wasn't there?

I saw Lala when we first got there. I
said, hey, no, I never saw anybody come

by. Nothing.

I knew it was paid for.

I don't know by who.

There's no way that I ever read through
a piece of paper, saw that I wasn't

allowed to talk about Lala, and then
signed it at the bottom.

I didn't sign an NDA for Christmas. Yes,
you did.

Ariana is displaying the telltale signs
of lying.

She's choking on her words. She won't
make eye contact and keeps looking away.

And she's, like, all fidgety and stuff.

I would not sign an NDA for... I think
it's kind of f***ed up what she's done

a home. It's not really, like, all that
nice.

What about the guy?

You saying that is defending her right
there.

Lala, if you do it for about five
minutes, and you know me for how long,

you're actually letting, like, you're
just being like, well, I mean, yeah, I

love you.

I don't understand it. It doesn't add up
in my head. You've said stuff about

her, too, though.

The thing that you only regret in life
is not taking your top off more in front

of Tom Schwartz. I want to f*** him.

Like, really?

Ariana, she's going to be in my wedding.
She's here at my bridal shower.

Lala has fat shamed me. Said she wanted
to f*** my boyfriend.

She dissed Ariana on her birthday. So
why the f*** is Ariana still defending

her? Especially to me.

Really, I mean, I know you can argue
that Kristen has said unfair things

you. I can argue that to the cows. But
that's a very different thing. That is

beyond delusional for you to even think
or say. The idea that Kristen and I have

done equally bad things to each other
is...

If I was in a long -term relationship
with somebody and I was worried about

with one girl for years... We're not
talking about that. Then what are you

talking about? We're talking about
everything that happened from the

to the end. We're not talking about one
thing. We're not talking about what

you're guilty of. That's one thing.

Okay. I'm talking about... But it's a
major thing. Do you want to go through

whole list? You only want to talk about
what she's done, but not what you've

done. Treating Katie like that's cool?

Okay. I don't know. Okay.

She said some really f***ed up s***
about Sheena before.

Ariana can't take responsibility for
anything.

She doesn't care that she stole
Kristen's boyfriend.

She doesn't care that Lala's dating a
married man. And she sure as hell

care that she's ruining Katie's bridal
shower.

Okay.

If you're going to compare that, that's
pretty f***ing awful.

Alright. It's my f***ing bridal shower.
I don't need to be upset about it.

I don't agree with what Lala said.

I don't think it's right. I don't think
it's cool. But honestly, I'm not going

to sit here and lay down in front of a
truck because of some dumb shit she

It's not that serious.

It's really not.

It is when it's hurt somebody. I'm not
trying to be involved in like a group of

friends that like.

And don't fight like that. I do
understand what she's saying, and I said

same thing. The three of you drink, and
the way you fight, it's like sisters,

and you fight. We've all got in major
fights where we haven't spoken for

sometimes years at a time. Actually, I
don't get in fights with my friends.

I never did.

And I don't understand what you're
doing. Because I care about Katie.

I don't give a f*** about you.

It's so rude. I don't really give a
f***.

I'm sorry.

Hey, Kay.

Still to come on this season of
Vanderpump Rules.

I can't believe it, really. They're all
growing up, aren't they?

They can't break it!

No!

How are you getting on this, Jazzy?

She likes to try to tell people how to
live their lives.

You hurt my feelings.

Like three times tonight. You're
asserting your opinion as if... I should

listening to it.

Are you faithful?

Yes. Yes, I'm faithful to you.

He loses!

He slept with many, many, many women.

And a few men.

There was a rumor about you being a
homosexual.

Well, I'm going to go.

You don't understand.

I don't understand what you've done. I
was a cheater, I was a liar, I was a

stealer. I was everything.

I'm sorry.

Don't ever have that kind of emotion for
me. It was really awkward and it really

made me sad.

This is a day that we've all been
wasting, Paul.

Well, Katie has also been using her
wedding as a... As leverage.

The only thing that's impossible is how
you still haven't figured this out.

We've all seen the wrath of Tequila
Katie.

It's vicious. Yeah.

I don't want to sit in a car with you
again. She's mean and aggressive and

irrational and sends me all these mean
messages.

You could lose each other if you keep
going the direction.

He's a f***ing battered wife.

Look at him.

My fiancé cheated on me.

Get over it. It really has worried me
that you're making the right decision.

What the f*** is going on here?

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