All language subtitles for Vanderpump Rules – S5E10

Previously on Vanderpump Rules... Lauren
and Ashley Workus are these towering

blonde twins.

Have you ever been up to Montauk? You
definitely should make a girl trip and

come. Patrick and I aren't together.

Like, I'm going to Montauk, and if a
dude comes up to me, I will entertain

Can you come over there later, or what?

Maybe we can later.

Like, gray pubes?

No, I can't.

Oh, my God. No!

The only thing I can think of is that
she's completely wrapped around this

finger.

That does not be like one of those trips
where she's just like, well, I don't

want to do certain things.

I'm not jumping in freezing cold water.
My teeth are way too sensitive.

One of those, I will be hungover.

Why didn't you sit by me on the plane,
Jack?

Babe, we live together, sleep together,
eat together, play together. I'm sure

you'd be okay with 45 minutes on a
flight. You'd be all right. So annoying.

Everything's finally going right, but,
oh, what do I do? I've got to fuck up

somehow because that's what Jack does.

Wow. Wow.

Let me try. You want me to try?

This is not... Katie, you're almost
there. I heard it.

Well, that was really anticlimactic.
Yes!

Did Sheena have fun last night? I think
so.

Well, you wouldn't remember.

Did I yell at you?

Not in, like, full -blown Tequila Katie
way.

You scare me. I feel like I can't go out
with you unless I, like, commit to,

like, seriously, like, being on the
prowl.

I just want you to be happy.

Patrick and I were together for three
years.

And I'm not, like, the type of person
that just, like, makes out with random

people.

But I want a distraction because I
really don't want to be sad.

What do I tell guys when I meet them?
Well, I spray tan once a week.

I love a good blowout. And my exercise
is shopping online.

It's not what you'd say. It's exactly
not what you'd say. But that's who I am.

And I'm really into murder.

Stop. Oh, my God. Who would date me?
Don't say you're into murder, because

is weird.

Say that you're into, like, scary movies
and, like, mysteries. Haunted houses.

Haunted houses. Zombies.

Ghosts and paranormal. Cemetery.

Avoid being creepy.

Like, you enjoy cemeteries. That's
weird.

I really want to help Stassi feel better
and get over a breakup by bugging the

shit out of her until her tongue is down
some stranger's throat.

I'm going to work on it. Let it snowball
and, like, come up with new ideas.

Don't let it snowball too much, okay? We
start talking about murder and blowout.

Ugh.

Ugh. Dude, you stunk it up in here.

What? Oh, come on.

No, dude, come on. That fridge stinks,
dude. Dude, it literally smells so bad.

It's day two in the RV, and we are
barely clinging to our humanity.

Brittany's the only one that eats
Cheetos and Pringles the first thing in

morning.

I mean, Lord help us.

Why don't you go up there and get the
rest of our stuff off the top?

That'd be really cool.

No, I want to fold my fridge. I'm doing
it. Come on. Go up there and get the

stuff off the bed. I'm going to help you
fold.

No, you don't even fold. Know how to
fold.

My stuff everywhere. It should be nice
and folded tightly.

It is.

This is all on the fucking side. You're
about to make me go insane.

Seriously. Yeah, but you shouldn't have
to. We didn't use the other side. Yes,

we did.

No. Yes, we did. Is that something to
argue about? No, it's not.

That's why this is so stupid. No, my
shoes are going in there.

So put it all out and then refold it
back in. Like this. Makes it easier.

Yeah, that makes it a lot easier. And
then you just refold it. I'll put it

in. How hard is that?

Jackson's zip his mouth.

He doesn't know how to zip his mouth.
That's his issue. Let me just do this on

my own. It's not organized.

Why are you still harping over me? Shut
up.

Yeah, stop bickering.

Jack and Brittany need a goddamn timeout
right now. We gotta refold everything.

No! I can't stand you barking in my ear.

You need to find their respective
corners and take a little space, you

Chill out.

The idea was we could argue.

What? Ah!

There's a lot of people. I don't even
know if I would consider us to be

civilized human beings anymore.

It's every man for himself.

Turn the water off and on.

These kind of showers don't work for
people like you that take eight -hour

showers. You just got to wait it out.
There's a beer in there. Go ahead and

a drink.

I swear, it's turned on. It's on, honey.
We're waiting on you, per usual.

Oh, Jax.

Jax can't just keep laying into Brittany
all the time.

Because if he keeps getting in there,
she's not going to stick around.

You just got to rinse off and call it a
day.

I'll give you a bottle of water.

That one and that one.

Give him a water bottle.

Jack can honestly be the sweetest, most
generous, loving guy, but then he can

also be the biggest asshole on the
planet.

Oh, here we go.

Hey kids, who wants margaritas?

I just feel bad we didn't bring them any
liquor. I've heard that Montauk is like

waspy, but I...

I have no idea what wasps mean.

I'm assuming that it means like bougie,
but wasps suck.

So I hope Montauk doesn't suck.

We can't stay here very long because I
was texting with the Work It twins

earlier. Basically, they said that
they're throwing a clam bake on the

What the hell is a clam bake? I don't
know.

I would imagine it's like a crawfish
boil, like in New Orleans, except like

clams. Like a luau?

No, not a luau. Like how they roast a
pig, like, in stones and, like, under

sand and stuff? I don't, I mean, clams
aren't really, like, an animal. So,

we don't have to worry about that, no.

Let's Google what clam bakes are.

Yeah, I don't even know what that is.
We're so not East Coast.

No. It's an outdoor social gathering at
which clams and other seafood are baked

or steamed.

What if we don't like clams?

You're going to pretend like you do.

Well, I'll take one for the team. I'm
sorry, I'm not a seafood person.

I just, things in shells and cracking
them open and eating with your fingers,

unless it's like a french fry, it's just
not my thing.

Can you guys stop being so negative,
Nancy?

I'm excited.

This looks great.

I did not say a word.

It's her, but I just felt bad pointing
just her out.

I don't like clams, but I'm excited to
go to a clam bake. I say let's make an

effort. to be social and put ourselves
out there.

Be you, just like a little less of it,
though.

My liver hurts.

It's pretty cool, huh?

That's hard.

You ready?

Let's do it.

Wait, wait, wait. Right here?

Yeah, do it.

Yeah!

When you're there, I mean, hearing the
car, smelling the gas, drinking, just

your camaraderie with all the other
campers and your friends. I mean, it's

a whole other experience.

Dude, look how sexy these semi -trucks
are.

Sexy, nice, and clean.

It's definitely good for the app.

Yeah, it's so good.

That pork is amazing.

I got another one.

You got two of them, Jack?

I'm a big boy, dude. I got to eat.

This is what's so cool about coming to
NASCAR races.

I feel like you meet all these people
that are all just so nice, and they're

just around.

NASCAR. You guys, you guys, you guys,
you guys, you guys, you guys, you guys.

Can we get a picture with you, man? Hey,
how you doing, man? Yeah, let's do it.

A few things are going to happen today.

One, going to be an awesome race.

I'm going to get some sun, going to
drink some beers. I know this is a weird

request, but would you sign my flat
iron?

I'm getting my flat iron signed.

I said I'm flat ironing my hair.

Oh, no. Bring that down to Pit Row and
be like, hey, NASCAR, can you sign my

flat iron? I'm out of here, man.

This is NASCAR, dude.

I've never signed a flat iron before.
Just for you, man. I got you.

Oh, my.

Yeah. Yeah. There you go. Thank you very
much.

You guys have fun.

Oh, good Lord.

The race is going to start. We have to
get down there. Go to pit row.

There you go. There you go.

There you go.

Come

here.

Bring it in. Bring it in. Yeah. I need
to know that if it gets to a point, I

know we're deep right now, but if we go
any deeper.

And it comes to a situation in which
someone has to throw their boobs to go

deeper. I need to know that you're
willing to take the sacrifice. No.

No.

We'll get you a new boyfriend here if
this one's not.

If this one's not going to... He's going
to throw the water off when you're in

the shower.

We'll get you... We can definitely find
you a new boyfriend here.

Jax, your girlfriend is actually not a
car?

Wait, how big are you going to go? She's
getting triple Ds. A full C, small D.

Am I going to help finance this?

I want them how I want them. You can't
just walk around showing everybody

under the hood whenever you want to.

Coming up.

By the way, your eyes are... Mr.

Charmer over here. The summer house just
started and Carl is making moves.

I mean, I just want to make sure that
this isn't some, like, black tie affair,

like a black tie claim. Yeah, right? I
just need to know that it's acceptable.

Right, that you're not going to look
like a whore.

Yeah.

Ooh.

This is nice.

You know.

Wait, I just realized we look like an
old married couple.

Lisa sent me a bunch of text messages.

On vacay? Yeah, I'm, like, assisting
her. That's kind of fucking suck.

Not bad.

You have to call your boss while you're
on vacay. That sucks really bad.

Is everything okay?

Yes.

Hello. Hi, Lisa.

Hey, how are you?

Behaving yourself?

Yeah, and we're just having a nice
relaxing time.

A nice relaxing time with Stassi. Good
luck with that.

Stassi's sitting right here, so...

Okay. I'm calling just to get a little
more information and clarification on

what exactly you need me to do.

Well, I've got a hundred things I need
you to do, basically.

I need you to get some paint for the
VIP.

I'll say purples and pink, you know,
like a dusty thing. So I'd like you to

that. I need to have a meeting about the
new sir dresses. So I need to get a

couple of samples.

Well, why don't you come to my house
when you get back and we go over

in detail. Okay, darling? I'd rather go.

Thank you. I'll talk to you. All right.
Bye -bye.

She didn't even tell me happy birthday.

Really?

Yeah.

Hi.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I can't believe that we're at a nap car
in the middle of my country.

Oh, yeah.

We're right there.

Yeah, we're right there.

I feel like this trip has really worked
out to be probably the best ever.

I mean, if Lala didn't want to come on
this trip, it doesn't

even matter. I mean, we're up on the
Ferris wheel, watching the cars go by,

I'm with the best group of people.

Okay, we're good. We're good.

Wait, can we just talk about what a
beautiful day this is? This is so nice.

wonder if the lobster is still alive.

Or if they've gone. Oh, no, they're not
alive. He says everything's pretty much

prepped and ready. You guys killed it
with the setup.

Smile. Because of the sun, I don't want
them to think I have resting fish face.

Oh, my God, we're dressed perfectly for
this occasion.

This is so pretty.

Fancy. I thought it was like going to a
wedding.

Like, whew.

Everyone's all dressed up and pretty.
There are, like, cute little lights and

lantern -y things.

And there's a really long table with,
like, white linen.

It's the prettiest wedding I've ever
been to.

Stop. He's here.

Hi.

Hi.

Welcome, guys.

Hi. I can't handle it. Hi. So nice to
meet you. Oh, my God. I love FaceTime.

Hi.

Your guys' Montauk outfits, like, on
point. We're all wearing two -piece.

Kristen with the two -piece. With the
two -piece.

Winning.

You look off the shoulder.

You look amazing.

Sheena. Is it your first time out here?
Yes. Oh, my gosh, what do you guys

think? It's so relaxing.

Kyle.

Kyle. Dossie.

Dossie. Yes.

This is quite a contract from last
night.

There are young men here.

They're attractive.

They're dressed well.

How long are you going to get through?

Tomorrow. We go home tomorrow morning.
We all head back to work tomorrow

morning. How do I get over that? Well,
help me understand L .A.

Every day is like, yo, Saturday.

We work our asses off. Yeah, and none of
us have real jobs.

We have Sunday fun days. Monday, we have
to literally get up. We're getting up

at 5 a .m. tomorrow. We're driving. No,
we're getting up at 4.

Monday is my favorite day out of the
week.

I'm just not a 9 to 5 type of person. I
love to sleep in. I like to stay up

late. I like to go out during the week.

So I don't know how the fuck they do it.

Great money, but that sucks to be you.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. It's like prepared. Thank
you so much. I hear tuna. Oh, no, thank

you. I mean, all good.

I don't really eat fish.

Really?

You don't eat fish? I don't like it. I
don't know. This is phenomenal.

Oh, my God. Look at Stephen in his
selfie with a lobster.

Okay, so I know you all needed a refill.

Oh, wow.

I have to give you the Magnum Rose.
Happy birthday, Stassi.

You get to pour the first drink. This is
amazing.

Quick, chug it.

Lower it, lower it, lower it. A magnum
bottle of rosé. The East Coast, the West

Coast. The best summer ever.

Happy birthday, Scott. Thank you, guys.

I've never felt more at home anywhere.

This is my first time doing this. Is
there, like, a certain way you're

to eat it? Well, you know how crawfish,
you, like, have to, like... Yeah, no,

no, no.

Sucking things down. No, no, let's not
go that far.

This is so good.

I can't eat food like that.

I just do not like it.

You should never eat anything with
claws. I mean, are you going to eat a

No. So why would you eat something from
the ocean with claws?

I'm sorry, I don't want to eat it.

Are those all the same thing? Why do
they have different color shells?

Summer mussels.

I remember I used to serve mussels, but
no.

Would you try one?

It's a very colorful table.

I'm going to go get more rosé.

These people planned this party for us.
And you're saying I don't eat food like

this?

It's a lot to deal with and a lot of
work.

Just present it to me.

Sunflower seeds?

I want to buy them already cracked. It's
just too much work.

This right here, this is why we did the
RV. This is why we put up with dirt and

boy smell so that we could be here.

Right now, with this amazing view.

There he got him, bro.

Holy shit.

Oh, he is pissed.

He's so pissed.

Yes.

Hey, well, I missed it.

Chef Sam paid.

Here, I retired. That's cool.

I gotta pee.

Dude, the toilet's clogged.

Yeah.

Clogged, dude. All right.

I knew it was going to get stank nasty
in that RV.

We're in, uh, we're in lot 42.

All right. All right. I'll see you in
15.

But, uh, I didn't know how stank nasty.

All right. How are we doing?

You sucking it out?

We always say this song.

You gotta save that poop.

Save that poop for later.

You know you gotta save that poop.

Save that poop for later.

Jesus. Because if you save that poop, it
just might be better.

See, that's the song counts in this
situation.

Sweet.

Thank you.

All right. Well.

Woo. Well. Nice little $150.

Exactly. I think it was Jack. He's an
excessive.

Toilet paper user. He uses like a half a
roll on that ass.

We got a reservation.

Nice.

If you guys probably want to change,
it's brushing up a little. Quick

quick showers. Seriously, Jack.

You know what? I think it's Brittany's
fault, actually. Yeah, Jack's maybe

have scolded her a little more. Yeah, we
would have been in a better position.

You got a belittle or more?

It just goes to show that I'm not being
crazy. I think that Jack needs to get

over this. He needs to grow up and
respect his girlfriend.

Yeah, you little asshole.

Little asshole.

Coming up. You know, I was going away
for Ariana's birthday. Yeah, I do know

they were disappointed. I think it's
best for me to walk away from this

workplace.

When is your birthday?

Two days ago. When is my birthday trip?
Birthday week. When is your birthday

trip? Birthday month.

By the way, your eyes are... Not at all.

Mr. Charmer over here. The summer house
just started, and Carl is making moves.

Carl, you professed that yesterday
blondes weren't your thing.

Oh, explain why. It's confusing. I
forgot.

No, it's actually, there's the carpet.

Wait, what?

Wait, what? Maybe he has carpet floors.

Okay,

so has anyone's a table bank?

Oh, wow.

Well, they're dating at the end, Everett
and Lindsay, so they've definitely been

dating. Katie, when's the wedding?

August 17th.

Wow, this will be your best summer ever.

It already has been.

So I'm totally outnumbered. I'm the only
married girl here.

No, you're not.

Well, of course, she and I too.

Kyle. Kyle.

I'm so happy you guys are together.

I'm going through a very recent breakup
right now. Oh, really? Yeah.

Why did you guys break up?

I'll start crying.

It's

really

hard because my family really likes
Patrick and my friends like him too. And

used to people just being like
boyfriends and assholes.

And so what happens if I wake up a year
from now? I'm like, that was a huge

mistake to break up.

I was on, like, the dating app, and I
literally, I feel like I could barely,

like, like one person. Why are you on an
app?

You don't need it. Whatever happened to,
hi, how are you?

I don't want to talk about this anymore.
I feel like, like, he's calling me out

for being on an app?

WTF?

Stassi needs some tough love. She needs
to sack up and hop in the sack.

She doesn't need to go that far, but
maybe, like, a hand on the boob or,

an OTP, a stay.

She's an over -the -pan handjob.

I'm a little jealous that they get to
come out here every weekend and do stuff

like this. Yeah, I know.

Maybe we should have chosen to have,
like, real, like, legit careers.

Like, kinds where you have to go to,
like, grad school or, like, get PhDs.

No, I don't wish that.

Do you think there's some talent here
for you to exercise your single muscle?

The one right in front of me is who I
would normally go for.

He made fun of me for being on a dating
app. Well, the one that was for Kyle?

Yeah.

You know when you have like a bad sense
of direction, you always go the wrong

way? So go the opposite way.

And that's Kyle. Well, let's do one last
cheers to a wonderful lobster clam

bake. Cheers.

Thank you so much.

Cheers. And girls, I would really love
it if you guys would come back to our

house. Yeah.

Okay, amazing.

Welcome to Montauk.

Cheers.

Let's go to the house. Thank you guys so
much.

Go to the house.

It's time.

Quick change?

I'm sorry.

Come on out.

All right, I'm coming.

How did you not get burned, Mariana?

Me, I never burn.

Hey. Oh, hello. My name's John. I'll be
your server this evening. Can we start

off with a charcuterie board?

Charcuterie? Perfect.

What's a charcuterie? What's that?
Cheese. Charcuterie is like a cheese and

plate. A charcuterie?

Could I please have the homemade
ravioli?

Yeah.

I love it. I've never seen you order
pasta. Very good.

I just got to say, you girls have been
really, really awesome. Dude, Jack, you,

dude, you fucking tortured her this
morning. You're such a fucking asshole.

No, I'm glad that people realize this.
You were like getting off. The more

annoyed she got, the more you were like
getting off on her.

Brittany, what do you think about the
fact that you said things like, you

I come home, I kind of like expect a
sandwich to be made.

If I'm supporting your lifestyle,
meaning financially, all this other

think once in a while, if I want a
sandwich. And I do that and I give you

Honey, let's not get into our finances.

If I were Brittany, Jax would either be
bleeding or dead right now.

Jax, you have to understand something.

You can't and you shouldn't talk like
that. No, no, no, no, no.

My relationship is my relationship. You
can't tell me how to handle my

relationship. You do you, I'll do me.
Tavors and gifts.

are not leveraged. Tom likes to act like
he has a perfect relationship with

Ariana, but it's a regular relationship.

They have their fights, too. If I asked
once in a while, hey, can I have a

sandwich or do my laundry as well?

Dude, I would go, I would bow down. If I
was in a reverse situation, if I was

that person, I'd be like, hell yeah.

Don't talk about it like that.

Brittany's mad down there. Oh, she's not
mad.

Jack's embarrassed me in front of a
whole group of friends and just say

that need to be only between me and him.
It really pisses me off.

No, we have a good weekend. We're going
to end on a good weekend. It was all

just funny games.

Trust me, Brittany. Everything that's
coming out of his mouth is not making

look bad.

I don't need relationship advice.

I'm not giving you relationship advice.

You don't need to take it as far as you
do sometimes.

I don't know how this turned against me.

I'm about ready to walk out in two
seconds.

When I first started dating Brittany,
one of the best things I loved about her

is she's not from L .A.

She's a country girl, and she's just
sweet, innocent.

And I think the more she hangs out with
these girls, I feel like a little bit

she's kind of adapting a little bit of
the L .A. trait.

And it kind of really annoys me.

Cheers to a great weekend. Cheers to
Lala missing the out because she doesn't

know what's going on.

She's obviously bored. Hey, you know
what? In honor of that, and I don't know

when this happened.

But I realized that Lala no longer
follows me on Instagram.

Then I went on Twitter.

She no longer follows me on Twitter
either.

Pretty confused with Lala because I
thought we were friends.

Now this bitch is trying to ice me out
by unfriending me on all of her social

media.

I'm not following her anymore. I just
unfollowed her on Instagram.

I mean, bitch, if you want to be petty,
I can get real petty.

So guess what?

Moment on volume.

A line has been drawn in the sand.

Hi, Peter.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

You were off all weekend. You should be
a lot happier when you come to work

afterwards. Yeah, you would think so.

So I'm guessing you came to talk to
Lisa, right?

Yes. Okay.

I decided to turn my phone off, not
communicate with anybody, because that's

what Lala does when she doesn't want to
do something. She doesn't do it, and,

you know, she goes into shutdown mode.

Hey. Hey.

Oh, Lala's here to see you. Oh, she is?
You know what? I'm going to sit there.

Do me a favor. Get me a cup of tea.
Okay. When Lala doesn't show up to go to

Sonoma, and she specifically asks me for
time off, it makes me think of her as a

little erratic.

And I actually don't... quite understand
anything Lala's doing right now.

Um, so... Yeah, what's going on? You
know I was going away for Ariana's

birthday. Yeah. But if you ask her time
off, you do what you want, but I do know

they were disappointed.

Understandably. I care about Tom, I care
about Ariana.

Well, they care about you.

I should have told them, invite someone
else because I don't want to be around

Jack, who the last time I saw him, you
had an entire full lounge and he

yelled... Let's play some more...

Yeah. Asshole. Across the bar with a
full lounge, okay? Okay, I didn't hear

about that.

That's the last time we spoke to each
other. So why did you agree to go in the

first place?

You, and I'm not saying.

Say it, Lola. Over the weekend.

What is it? Why are you going to cry?

Because of what they're saying.

Who's saying?

That I'm a homewrecker to this guy. It's
just, I can't do this. I want to.

Oh, God.

A person who's not even involved with
me. Okay, so you're talking about

like Jack.

All of them. So just because he says it.
All of them. Just because he says it

doesn't make it true.

Does it make it true? I know that. I
don't know if the rumors about Lala

a married man are true. I hope not.

And I hope not because of the wife
involved. But I also hope not because

should be better than that.

She should have more than that. And she
should have more respect for herself.

I told people it's none of their
business. And then they want to jump on

we're friends.

So you know what? This is fun for me.
It's like an acting job.

I'm dating the Pope. I'm dating a mayor.
I'm dating a football player. I'm

dating another football player. I'm
dating an NBA player. Let's just go all

across the board so everyone can shut up
and give them something to talk about.

But I do believe. I really do. I think
when somebody feels like they catch you

in a lie, then they don't know what part
to believe. They don't know how much to

invest in you.

So who are you, Lala?

I have a certain amount of sympathy for
Lala, but she's definitely provocative.

She likes to create a situation, then
she likes to be the baby girl. Life

doesn't work like that. I think it's
best for me to walk away from this

workplace.

Coming up. I don't like feeling like I'm
not appreciated, and sometimes I feel

that way. What are you going to do if he
doesn't change that stuff?

I think it's best for me to walk away
from this workplace.

Lala, don't give up. What's wrong with
you?

Time to grow up now and deal with it.
You know what? You're going to be the

prettiest, cutest little thing running
around like a lovely little piece of

fluff in Hollywood, getting the lead or
starting to be the rising star.

You think everybody's going to be your
friend?

Really?

Do you?

No.

I just want, I mean, I haven't had a
functioning relationship since I was 17.

It's got nothing to do with them.

No, it has everything to do with me. I'm
in charge of my emotions and what goes

on. And I am trying.

I am in charge of my own emotions.

Right. Go to that desk. Hold your head
up high.

If you quit, you're going to give some
people a lot of satisfaction.

I don't think you want to do that.

No, I think that I should have had this
conversation with you a long time ago.

Your mother or somebody else should have
had this conversation with you a long

time ago.

I walk in with every intention of
quitting. But there's something about

woman that I just feel safe. And what
she's telling me is

pretty on point.

So I'm not quitting today, Lisa.

Go on. Go do your thing.

Honestly,

like, I like the girl that was single
and I think her name was Saucy.

I like the girl that has boobs.

S -T -A -S -S -I. Not Saucy.

Jesus Christ.

What is this? Dude, it's a mansion.

Look at the pool.

Holy shit.

It's bigger than my apartment complex,
and this is just our vacation home.

It's like Lisa Vanderpump's house. It's
awesome. It's awesome.

What is that? Yes, that's her name.

Hi. Hi.

What's up? Why is your house this big?

When you guys said that you rented out a
house, my apartment is like this.

In New York City, though, you guys, we
all live in shoeboxes.

Oh, no, I remember. I had to go to
Starbucks in order to go number two.

I'm very much aware of that.

Do we get a drink before we do it? Yeah.

Guys,

they're here. Say hello.

It's about time.

Don't smell anything.

Whoa. Hi.

Oh, my God.

Watermelon margarita.

You were expecting me?

Sheena doesn't have one. Sheena, do you
like margaritas?

Do you have a straw?

Damn. I mean, I had a house pictured in
my head that was like half this size,

but this is unbelievable.

This is like a little sun gazebo. You
can kind of chill out.

This is like the boom boom room, right?

I would totally have sex in this room. I
love this house so much. It makes me

think, damn, I'm in the wrong business.

Maybe I should be in business.

That is perfect timing. I mean,

you can put a little more in there. I
think everyone else should get in their

bikinis and get ready to jump in the
pool. Does anyone jump off of it? No,

too far.

We need to make sure that the fun meter
stays high.

Is that your normal size guy?

This is actually how I go.

I just happened to notice.

For one of the first times ever, we're
going to actually have a hot shot.

Who's that?

Stassi.

Dude, I got to say, it's been a good
trip, man. It's been a great trip.

You guys bone in there?

Kind of. Did you?

I laid in that bed earlier.

Like with my face, literally I had my
face buried in that bed earlier.

Voice that out. All right.

Yeah. Well, did you have fun?

What's the best time?

One of my favorite things earlier was
making me laugh so hard because, like,

Jack's the same stuff.

And you were, like, pissed, but you'd be
like, oh, I'm so pissed.

It's rude. It's also, like, gender roles
ingrained in his head of what

a woman should be doing, what a man
should be doing, and, like, these

misogynistic.

Tendencies. What does a misogynistic
mean?

It gives me misogynism.

Every night, I don't know. What does
that mean? I've never heard that word

before.

It's like being sexist, basically.

I think it's premature.

That's what I said when I dropped it in
your mouth.

He knows moms.

Shut up.

I did. I prematurely became.

I don't want to. I just had to.

I don't like feeling like I'm not
appreciated.

And sometimes I feel that way with him.
What are you going to do if he doesn't

change that stuff?

Obviously, we're not going to stay
together if we're not happy.

You really should get your together
because Brittany is honestly the best

that's ever happened to you. And I don't
want to see you. It's like sometimes

like the comments and stuff. It's just
like, yeah, I can't.

Coming up.

Very well put together.

Thank you.

So they have the best natural boobs
ever.

They're natural.

I just like to touch it. Holy sh**.

They're real.

You can put two fingers right here.

You poured

me

a little bit when you just did right
now.

That's not a little bit.

Are you talking about Kyle?

Yes. He came in the house earlier today
before you guys got here. And he said,

oh my gosh, you're a friend. She's
beautiful.

And she's single.

That's his way.

Kyle's giving me some attention, which
is making me nervous.

Do you trust me? Do you trust me?

Be confident in who you are.

I got this.

It's full of life. Bring those leather
nuthuggers down here.

Yeah,

yeah, look at that ass.

Oh, look at those legs.

Oh,

did you have fun?

Yeah.

Other than your little toad that you
have every now and then. It happens.

just part of life.

You were just like.

hollering about my finances and me not
doing this and that in front of the

entire table. Sometimes I just feel like
I'm not appreciated enough. I feel like

I'm not appreciated sometimes.

Ever. You know, sometimes I ask for a
turkey sandwich and I only get ham.

I think it's being a little bit
misconstrued a little bit. I'm not

single day at 3 o 'clock in the
afternoon I want a sandwich on the

roles were reversed, I'd be like,
listen.

I'm going to make sure that he has a
nice lunch every day. I think once in a

while I'm going to come home, like, it'd
be nice to have lunch there. That's

all. Especially when I pay the rent. I
pay the bills. I pay to do this, I do

this, that, that. You don't pay for
anything. I don't do anything.

And I do know that you do a ton for me,
but you also need to respect me and

realize that I do a lot for you, too.
Don't have this, like, attitude to where

you are holding stuff over my head.
Like, for instance, my boob job.

Sometimes you'll be like, well, I paid
for those.

And you can't say stuff like that if you
offered to do that. It's not about the

money. That's fine. Okay, and I know
that. It's about thinking in your head,

know what, he did A, B, and C for me.
Okay. I'd just like you to go once in a

while and be like, you know what, I'm at
the grocery store. He does like the

sandwich. I'm going to make sure I have
it for him. And do I not do that for

you? Every single time? No, not every
single time. Okay. Sometimes when I ask

for it, it's not there.

He knows that I do everything for him. I
do all the laundry. You know, I clean

the house. I take care of him. And I
wait on him basically hand and foot. I

appreciate everything he does for me.

But it doesn't mean that he can just do
or say whatever to me sometimes.

Let's do this instead of arguing back
and forth. We can go nowhere.

I'm going to watch myself and try a lot
harder.

And I'm...

Maybe you could just say, okay, I'll try
a little bit harder, too.

I don't think making a turkey sandwich
once in a while for me for lunch is a

deal.

I hate to say it, but maybe Stassi

should ask herself, what would Lala do?
I mean, this guy probably has some

money.

You never know.

You look very well put together.

Thank you.

Carl,

I need a drink.

What was that drink?

I don't care.

Why are you up here cleaning up? You're
like me.

Katie, for real?

Whenever we're partying, we always leave
an extra glass out on the table for

Tequila Katie.

Oh, here she is.

When Tequila Katie comes out, Schwartz
isn't there to put her in her place. I

mean, if Schwartz was here, he would
have frosting on his face, not me, and I

wouldn't have to deal with it.

I hate girl stress.

Coming up. I've never been more talked
off by a human being in my life. That

doesn't make my vagina go like.

You look very well

put together.

Thank you so much. Is this like an L .A.
thing? Like, you keep your composure.

Am I keeping my composure?

Yeah, very fast.

I am here with this.

bougie, blue -blooded, hot guy who
shares a fondness for alcohol.

Basically, the odds are in my favor.

You're single?

I'm recently single.

Like a week.

Embracing?

Yes.

Embracing. Kind of hot, though. I like
recently single.

It's our first weekend of the summer.
We've been drinking.

It's like this sexual connection.

He's blonde.

I'm blonde.

I'm actually a big fan of like, I
actually, Stassi.

Did you just say you have no idea it's
what Stassi? No, I, this is what I do

every time I meet someone.

Seems cool.

I forget how to spell their name or I
forget their name.

My name is Stassi. Yes. My pickup lines
peak after maybe five or six drinks.

And then I cross the threshold, and I
never know when it is. I just go full

-blown across the line.

Did you just insult my clothes?

Okay. The line has now been crossed.

So you want a female in a turtleneck
with Steve

Jobs face?

And that's what I look like.

Steve Jobs is an idol of mine.

I thought I'd throw that out there,
like, compare her to one of my idols.

You're such a charmer.

Oh, my goodness.

It was like you guys, the right foot was
good, and then, like, the left foot,

like, just like, eh, fell asleep.

I feel like I should teach you some
lessons on how to make, like, a girl

special. You should probably, number
one, remember girls' names. When they

you things, you should listen.

But also, number three, you should
probably not say that it's a speed job

swimsuit turtleneck.

It could be worse.

The only way it could be worse is if you
were like a serial killer.

So there's that.

I love it.

Rule number four. Do not tell a girl
that you're excited about seeing her

when you don't know her name. I don't
think Dalsy is spending the night

It's like pulling a Marilyn Monroe
tonight.

Her bathing suit is beyond.

I've

never

been more turned off by a human being in
my life.

He's like, what's your name?

What a f***ing idiot.

He loves being like, I see your nipples
and I like it.

That doesn't make my vagina go like...
Kyle's a really smart guy.

There's a lot of substance going on, you
know, above the abs.

But you don't want to meet Kyle for the
first time drinking, because then you

might be like, whoa, that guy is a frat
boy gone wrong.

He's genuinely just an idiot when he's
drunk, but it's not in an offensive way

where I want to, like, pound him down.

Well, I mean, I hope he wouldn't pound
anyone down.

Do you know what that made me want to
do?

Call my ex -boyfriend.

I was just like, oh, my God. This is how
people act?

How?

How?

How does that work? Wait, does that mean
you're a certified, like, genius?

I should have.

I figured it out.

You're a turtleneck.

Can I ask you a question?

What did you say that upset them?

She had a very nice -looking, like,
white purple.

These dogs weren't black, so that's my
bad.

I think it's funny. You have a big, you
got your neck.

What the?

I'm going to go jeans.

Okay.

Kyle, when he's drunk, does he blow body
motions in a lot of points?

Hey.

It's like a Ken doll doing Tai Chi
underwater.

is like kind of pretty or cool, you
should probably remember her name,

especially when you've had like a
conversation for like 45 minutes.

What's my name?

So in conclusion, I hope you guys loved
Montauk. Seriously, we've had such a

good time. Ta -ta for now.

Move your ass.

Look, I completely struck out, but I
learned something about myself.

After 12 glasses of rosé, I should
probably just shut the f*** up.

Monday is going to be rough.

It's so late.

Wake up.

We gotta get back to the city.

You go deep on Sunday Funday. Wake up,
kids. You're completely f***ed on

And then you're just, like, trying to,
like, survive the rest of the week. I

think I'm still drunk.

I gotta leave in, like, two minutes.
Who's ever come with me? Good to go.

How did we do that, Everett?

Leaving Montauk and going back to New
York City, it's at least a three -and -a

-half -hour drive.

Unlike those L .A. chicks, we have a
real job. I've gotta go make money. I

pay for what I just did this past
weekend.

It's challenging because I want to have
fun, but I'm almost 34.

Half my social media feed is Coachella,
Burning Man, and then the other half is

baby after baby, wedding after wedding,
and I'm somewhere in between.

I'll call you after my meeting.

All right, love it. We grind it out.
Like, come summer, and it's hot and

You'll be sweating from every crevice of
your body. Hell on earth.

I'm just like, get me out of here. We
definitely live for the weekend.

Way down.

So glad we're finally here.

Oh, I feel so good to be standing.

The first thing I'm doing is plugging
this margarita machine in. But not

helping unload groceries, Kyle.

My group of friends, we've been renting
houses in Montauk for years.

This town is chill.

The Hansons, that's like your mom's
friend who wears pearls.

The East End is like the cool surfer
chick that is a little promiscuous. And

a little, I mean a lot.

Let's get all the groceries in the
refrigerator.

Crush the bread?

You bought Wonder Bread.

There's a reason it's crushed.

Know this thing. What?

It's pretty legit.

How loud is that going to be?

What, are you going to sleep in the
kitchen? Come on.

This thing looks sick.

By the way, kind of awkward when we
decided that the three of us were going

drive together. So I said, oh, shoot,
Lauren's got to go with Carl because she

has to go to work today.

So she was like, wait, you guys are
leaving with Carl alone?

What's wrong with that?

I think last weekend he was kind of
feeling Lauren.

This is actually one of my favorite
weekends out, I think.

Were you at a summer house last Fourth
of July? I was. I think it's kind of fun

to mix it up. Like, I've always been
doing this. This is my sixth summer.

like adult summer camp. It really is.

It's definitely a bonus when you find
out that the new guy in your summer

is not only a total babe, but single.

One year I was in a summer house, and by
the end of the weekend, not one toilet

worked. We had two parties, and so we
would have to lock the doors so that

people wouldn't go in because they would
just go on top of what was already in

the toilet.

It was so bad.

Let's just say we probably didn't get
our deposit back.

Are you comfortable being the new guy in
the house?

Yeah, I mean, I knew Colin Everett a
little bit, but it seems like a clicky

of crew, so.

What? Yeah.

No.

What do you mean? You guys have known
each other for... Clicky because we know

each other, but not clicky that we're
not, like, we're so inclusive of anyone

and everyone. I'm just worried that I'm
not going to be on the inside joke.

You are going to be on the inside joke,
so we're going to make a new one.

The group is really, really tight.
They've all been friends for years.

done summer houses.

I love being the new guy. Be a little
bit of a wild card.

What's your best pickup line? How does
Carl Ragge get girls?

Very simple.

What? Hi, my name's Carl. Hi. What's
your name?

Lauren, nice to meet you.

Pleasure's all mine.

think he's a player yeah totally a
player lauren can't go for these types

guys there's a lot of guys that pride
themselves in new york about like just

juggling like two three five or six
girls oh boy and that's carl to a t you

the bag that's just not me i'd feel like
a dick and there is some guilty

conscious up there's in this blonde flow
hey kyle

How are you? How you doing? Dude. Wait.

Yeah, check out my margarita machine.

Oh, my gosh.

I grew up in Pittsburgh, which is a very
blue -collar city. My mom would work a

whole year to be able to go to the
vacation.

I had six days on the beach for one
year. So the beach to me was like this

fantasy land.

That's why you work your ass off to go
and enjoy these things.

Can we get the rundown of what we're
having for dinner?

We will try some highly...

Questionable margaritas.

It looks like a dish washing liquid.

It's Slimer Green margaritas. I'm so
glad you guys are here.

Hey, I'm going to go unpack.

No, I'm unpacking. The hangers came.
We're going to go unpack.

Hey, I'm going to shut the door.

We got all the hangers.

We're identical twins, but we're not
exactly alike.

Married twin.

Single, twin.

And I have the better boobs. I beg to
differ. Your boobs hang a little lower

than mine.

Sorry. First of all, how do you know
that?

Because I've seen you naked. And I've
seen you naked. Yours might be a little

bigger. I'm a 32G.

Well, she's only that long. G as in
giraffe.

I'm really unmotivated to unpack.

I think I brought my whole wardrobe
here.

So how was the car ride out? Wait, tell
me, how was your car ride out? Oh my

God, it was fun.

What do you think about Carl?

Carl's fun.

I didn't get to spend a lot of time with
him last weekend, so, like, it was fun.

Is there, like, him?

I mean, yeah, I think he's good
-looking, but, like, I don't know him

enough. Yeah, I just met the guy.

Lauren has had very bad luck with guys.

Trust me, she's not envious of my
situation.

I met my husband, Brad, my first week of
college.

After we got married, he took a job in
California, and I'll be moving home at

the end of the summer.

Ugh, words I don't want to hear. I just
really want Lauren to have what I have,

and the clock is definitely ticking.

My only thing was in the vibe I got was
that like, is he like a player?

I don't know yet. I haven't gotten a
feel for that. I think I'm pretty good

judging that. And like, you don't have
that feeling yet. Why do I obviously

like he's only lived in New York for two
years when someone's not lived in New

York for very long. Right. It's like,
it's just the most amazing.

It's like Disneyland for guys. Like,
think about it. Take a new ride every

single night.

Coming up.

I'm around you all the time. You talk
about your boyfriend all the time. You

jealous, you're not happy, and you're
bitter.

If that mother f***er Carl breaks her
heart, he better run and hide.

Because I will be after him.

Is that the world's happiest couple?
Smells good.

Smells very good.

What up, buddy?

It smells so good.

Dude, we made it, like, world record
time. World record time. We beat the

by, like, an hour and a half.

Perfect. How are you? Hi.

Work a circus. What's up? Happy weekend.
Happy America's birthday.

Favorite weekend of the year. When we
rented the house in February, I was

single. Hi. Hi.

Obviously, things have changed.

Everett and I have been friends with
this group for over two years, but we

started dating two months ago.

Why don't you put your shoes in the
closet for a minute?

Everett's a sexy man.

Lindsay and I are a team. We're like the
clownfish and the sea anemone. It's a

great symbiotic relationship.

It's disgusting, quite frankly. I was
with her on Monday, and she was talking

about getting married. She told me the
same thing.

It's crazy. Time the...

Yeah, what do you mean?

He's saving his money for a ring. I know
firsthand that Everett is the ultimate

single guy to have around.

That's what I thought I was going to
get.

Since when did this get so serious?
They're acting like they're a married

couple. Lindsay and I were hanging out
all the time when she invited me to join

the house. But now she and Everett are
dating, and I'm stuck spending my summer

with the Malibu Barbie twins and their
drunk cousin Kyle.

The problem with what I noticed about
Lindsay is, like, she goes in hard,

Like, she meets the guy, and that moves
too fast. And for me, I just get scared,

like, what will happen if this doesn't
end well.

Who dat?

Hey!

Christina! Happy Friday! Happy Fourth of
July weekend!

Montauk is the place to be on the Fourth
of July.

Where are you coming from?

I've been out here since yesterday.

I've done houses with Lindsay, Kyle, the
twins.

I've not done a house with Everett.

Carl or Steven. The house that Carl put
together is a perfect storm of big

personalities and crazy people.

This looks amazing. I'm starving.

What a treat.

Roll up and have dinner ready.

If anyone doesn't know, I got a tick
last week from this house.

She sent me a tick pic.

Where was it? Creeping up towards the
groin area.

They like dark spots.

Lauren's a hot chick.

If I was a tick, I would definitely
crawl all over that. But it would take a

long time to get from the ankle to the,
you know, the fun part.

Everybody got enough salad, steak?

Oh, we're good. Once that's did, I'm off
duty.

I basically met everyone in the house
through Montauk. I met Lauren on a train

Memorial Day weekend 2014.

Through Lauren, I met her sister.

That same train I was on with Christina,
who was in my house that year. I met

Lindsay because she was Christina's
guest.

I met Steven through Lindsay.

Everett, I met July 4th, 2014.

He was having a house party. I met Carl
last year. He's literally chugging the

world's largest Bala Rose.

It was the size of a seven -year -old
child.

A lot of these people that you grow
close with are going to become your

friends. God forbid if one of us got an
STD because in a matter of weeks, we'd

all be infected.

Well, you guys, that was a really good
dinner. Thanks.

We shopped it. We cooked it. Now you all
get to clean it. All right. I'll take

it. We want cleanup.

Yeah. Cleanup.

Does anyone want a safe salad?

Yeah. Yeah?

Great salad.

I'll clean the counter.

Hey, live your life and join me on the
dark side.

Does anyone need any more rosé? I want
to get, like, cozy.

Carl, light some candles. Let's get
cozy. I know. It is a little rainy night

Montauk. One of the first times Everett
and I met, remember that 4th of July,

the torrential downpour, and we were at
your house, and the cops came?

Oh, yeah. Okay. What are our summer
goals, you guys? Yo, social goals. My

goal, I want to do some things that I
don't normally do when I come out here,

whether that be, like, going... Everett,
get your mind out of the gutter.

Your summer goal is clearly... Tell me
what my summer goal is. Clearly to find

guy. No, that isn't... Actually, guess
what? I know what my summer goals are.

My summer goals are to help Lauren find
a man.

My goal is to wingman this guy.

We totally, like, had a, like, bromance
last summer.

And I would love to support him and his
efforts. I think only, like, first and

second graders have summer goals.

It's usually something like, I want to
learn how to braid hair.

That's so stupid.

No.

All right, you want to talk about my
social goals? I do kind of get caught up

the bro -y moment, just having fun,
making friends.

It's called a bromant. I just don't want
to be bromanting into my 40s.

I was born in 1982.

I'm literally the oldest millennial in
the Hamptons. And I realized that, hey,

dancing on the bar.

and stand up before in the morning and
seem as cute as it once was.

And I need to grow up. I think we should
maybe end the night with some beer

pong. I'm going to bed.

Who's playing beer pong?

I'm going to go eat for a bit.

Okay, bye.

This is what we do every single weekend.
It is a Montauk marathon.

Beach parties, pool parties, boozy
brunches, and then we go out at night.

And every bar is open until 4 a .m.

Love this town.

We need our beauty plates. We definitely
need at least

seven to eight hours. I prefer eight.

Because we have the biggest room in the
house. No, thank you.

Who is that?

Amanda's Max girlfriend.

We were dating earlier in the year, and
the moment I realized it was going to be

Montauk, I had to break things off.

You do not want to be cupped during the
summer.

Lindsay and I have been talking about
being together since we met. I feel like

your first date was like two months ago.
Do you need like a cotton swab for your

ears?

Dude.

What the f***? You just started dating
this girl. Relax.

Living in a co -ed summer house.

There's a lot of politics that go into
hooking up.

Last summer, I didn't sleep in my house
once.

And the one time I tried to bring girls
back, I was actually denied at the door.

For no other reason than the one girl in
the house was kind of interested in me

and got a little jealous.

Like, come on.

What's up, guys? Hello.

Do you have my sunscreen by any chance?

No, I don't know where it went. I just
gave it to you upstairs.

I think I put it down somewhere.

I kind of would like to use it.

Did you ask her to bring it? Yes.

Lindsay just came up to my room and
asked me for it.

I have known Lindsay for seven or eight
years. We moved in together two and a

half years ago.

Thank you.

Go for it.

She can be a little self -absorbed at
times, which can be frustrating when you

live with her.

Can I see the sunscreen?

I'm still waiting to use it.

I didn't realize because you took mine.

Christina and I have known each other
the longest. We lived in L .A. together.

She's an entertainment reporter.

Her job is literally to gossip.

All right, your turn, Hubs.

We struggle in our relationship.

We fight.

Oh, yeah.

Lindsay and Everett are over the top.
Their PDA and the fact that now I live

with her during the week, her boyfriend
sometimes during the week, and now I

live with them on the weekends as well.
It's just a lot.

Oh, hey, Steven.

Oh. Oh.

Wow, so graceful.

Coming in hot.

And the glasses stayed on. Impressed.
I've been coming out to Montauk for

but this is my first full summer in a
house. I love this cold pool.

I'm in a transcontinental relationship,
which is not easy, but it cannot be as

hard as living together all the time.
Like Christina and Lindsay.

Babe, you know Valaria, right? In French
religion?

No. Anyway, we had an award ceremony. We
used to have a drinking game every time

Lindsay and I would drink, babe. We
probably played right here the whole

It's like Pete's getting several drugs
from the vomit before the alcohol.

You ready, Chris? Yep.

Oh, we should have got water bottles for
the road. I brought one.

Oh, thank you.

So, Lynn, you guys came home pretty
late.

We went to Liars, and at some point I
was just so tired, I looked at everyone

and I was like, I'm going, you can stay,
I don't care, I gotta go.

Yeah, right.

Oh, did you leave by yourself?

No, no.

Everyone came, except Carl.

Carl's a lone wolf.

Do you think Lauren cared at all last
night that he, like, left out? No, I

think so. I don't think she cares.

I'm 32 and single.

I've been in New York for six years.
I've done the dating thing. And I think

women see what they want to see when it
comes to guys that they like. And

listen, I've gotten burned by guys
before.

Okay, yeah, late night.

Carl's a little too slick for my taste.

That was a Ferrari.

How do you know a Ferrari, what it
sounds like?

That's a Corvette.

No. So what's the game plan for the day?

Honestly, I think we just got a new
influx.

A couple cocktails.

We'll figure something out.

Okay.

There's one game plan.

I stare because I care.

So last night was kind of good to sneak
away. Dude, when we rolled into Great

Lady, it was like a homecoming party.
Yeah. You were there for a bit, and then

you just goated.

I ran into an old...

Flame. I was wearing my Pittsburgh hat.
He stole my hat.

Classic girl move.

Classic girl move.

So, obviously, I had to get my hat back.

I want to hear about your night.

Kyle LeGic got a little frisky last
night.

I thought we had a new roommate. First
sleepover of the summer.

Yeah, it was a good home game.

Home game. Home game. Home game.

I'm an away guy, but you're a home game
guy.

I'm a little nervous that hooking up
with Amanda can turn into, like, a

thing because I know that's going to
make it all the much harder for her. And

meanwhile, I need to be single this
summer. Why can't you guys just hook up

have fun?

Because she's like, I can't just be
friends. I can't just be hooking up. I

to be in a relationship with you. Right.
I try to be respectful and not reach

out to her.

But last night, we kind of just hopped
into, like, our old ways. Yeah, exactly.

Which involved getting naked and jumping
in the hot tub.

So what about you, Carl?

I confess, when I was in L .A., I looked
into getting a Skyrider for an

engagement.

I was in a very serious relationship for
about two and a half years.

There was a lot of pressure from her.
She had four sisters who were all

and she was kind of getting that
biological clock thing going.

I didn't end up falling through, oddly
enough, that I broke up with her on a

private plane.

And then you just, do you have like a
parachute just jumped out?

I wish I did. Or crash it.

That's like the most epic breakup. It
is. And you know what everybody says?

What's wrong with you, man? She's a
private plane. I'm like, listen, this is

challenge. Meeting a girl where you can
take all that stuff away.

What do we have left?

Wow. People ask me, why'd you break up
with her?

That's what I say.

Because she couldn't live in a cardboard
box with me.

But if you guys want a skywriter, I got
a guy.

You got a guy.

Coming up. You just sit and talk and
talk about yourself.

You think that I'm selfish.

Fine, but if I hear something else come
out of your mouth about Everett and I,

I'm going to have a big problem.

I really need coffee.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

Do you see the 4th of July stuff? Does
this not fit our house? I think all of

need this. What do you guys think about
this? For the 4th, that'll be really

cute.

Lindsay, I kind of wanted to talk to you
about something.

I just feel like there's a little bit of
tension between you and I.

Yeah, I mean, I definitely felt the
tension too. I wanted to clear this up

before the week, before we got out here,
but you didn't even respond to my text.

So now we have to talk about it now.

Christina and I have had a lot of great
moments in our friendship. We met in LA.

She was a reporter. I'm a publicist. I
became her forever plus one.

She was a lot of fun.

But she changed and I don't really have
time for her drama.

I live with you. I'm around you all the
time.

I feel like you talk about your
boyfriend all the time. I don't talk

boyfriend all the time, Christina, but
he is a big part of my life.

So if I mention his name, that's not for
you to roll your eyes or get so upset

because I mentioned his name. Like he's
a huge part of my life. I sleep.

at his apartment more than I sleep at
our apartment.

I just don't think it's a great idea to
live with somebody full -time as a

roommate in the city and then do a
summer house with them. You have no

Whatever issue's going on, you have no
time to just decompress from it. It's

just constantly in your face. Well, you
just never get a break. I mean, Lauren.

Even you and I need a break sometimes.
Like, you cannot be with somebody 24 -7.

I'm not around you all the time anymore
because I have a boyfriend. So maybe

that's what your issue is. I don't have
a problem with you guys being in a

relationship. And I don't know what
bothers you, but it's coming across to

You're jealous, you're not happy, and
you're bitter.

The fact that Lindsay thinks I'm jealous
of her and Everett is hilarious.

Everett has been our friend for years,
and if any of us girls wanted him, we

could have had him a long time ago.

You brought it up so much last weekend,
so many times, in the car ride on

Monday. Well, you know why? Because I
was in the car for three and a half

and the entire time you just sit and
talk and talk and talk about yourself.

You think that I'm selfish.

Fine. No problem. This started a couple
of years ago when we got into an

argument, and I told you right then and
there that I was probably not going to

tell you a lot of things. You tell me a
lot of things. You don't ask me anything

about myself.

Hello. Hello.

Sure. What are the ladies over there
drinking?

Rosé.

Can you send a bottle of rosé to them?

Please, don't tell them it's from us.
They'll never know.

I'll go with the smoked salmon bed of
eggs, please.

Likewise, smoked salmon, please.

Can I do scrambled eggs?

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm not going to try to put you on the
spot right now, but indirectly, I am.

All I heard is that there was, like,
ring talk.

What? Hotline ring?

What I have with Lindsay is actually
really special.

We spent two years getting to know each
other. This was like the ultimate slow

play. And we have like such a strong
foundation.

Her and I can go live in a cardboard box
and we'd be perfectly happy together.

Love it.

There's a point when you know things
work with somebody and you don't need to

through that whole tap dance that people
do with dating in New York. Because

dating in New York sucks.

For girls.

I feel like your first date was like two
months ago. I just explained it to you.

Do you need, like, a cotton swab for
your ears? I heard all of it, and I took

massive grain of salt.

Lindsay and I have been talking about
being together since we met two and a

years ago.

Well, I didn't know that.

Dude.

What the f***? You just started dating
this girl. Relax.

We always knew there was a spark.

You're a new couple. Enjoy the honeymoon
phase.

Don't talk about life decisions.

You're freaking me out.

Oh, you figured it out? Happy birthday.

Happy birthday. Happy birthday?

Happy birthday. We thought so.

Yeah, rosé all day. I'm getting
wandering eyes.

I'll be right back. All right, go check
it out.

Hi, how are you?

What's weird is, like, three months ago,
you would have been... I know.

I'm doing a knee thing because I feel
like I'll be towering over you. I think

it's better on the knee. Should I pull
my chair over? No.

Bring it up a chance.

Sorry, boys. I need to... No, it's fine.
You guys can stay here. No, we're

starting to set some themes. Call some
co -founders.

What's your name?

Dominique. Dominique. Carl.

Hi, Carl.

How are you?

Nice to meet you.

Pleasure. What are we eating?

French toast? We already ate.

You mind if I take a bite? Yeah. How do
you go? Just like hand in?

Yeah. And like one of these?

Yeah.

Mexican theme night? What more American
than Mexico?

Who needs lime?

I need lime disease.

Get it from Lauren. Put the tick out of
her. Stop it.

Tequila. Tequila!

Okay,

what needs to get chopped?

I'm getting everything else to get
chopped right now. We're prepping stuff

taco stuff plus taco salad.

I think this might be, like, caustic to
drink.

That's a good word. Most of my vocab is
from seventh grade English class. How'd

you learn how to swear?

I would say, like, the army, for sure.

Do they swear in the army?

Do they swear in the army? I would never
know. I would never assume either.

Speak in acronyms and profanities.
Really?

Honestly, the whole thing is like a
parallel life that I had.

It doesn't, it's crazy that I used to do
what I used to do.

After college, I was commissioned as an
officer, a second lieutenant.

My job was to go find bombs, blow them
up with C4 before they blew us up. I got

back from Iraq on July 4th of 2009.

It took me a couple years from getting
out of the Army and living in New York

for me to get acclimated.

Am I walking in on something?

No, you're right.

In Iraq, we had trucks that had, like,
radio systems. What kind of trucks? Like

Hummers? Uh, MRAPs, mine resistant,
assault protected.

Dude, I got hit one time by a bomb. It
shredded all tires, all sides.

I gotta throw this. Go ahead.

There was a piece of shrapnel about this
far away from my abdomen, and it just

stopped by the grace of God. It ripped
me in two.

certain elements from my time in service
bring me back a little bit.

When you go out every day and you don't
know if any of you guys are coming back

or not, it's weird to think about. It's
like a parallel

life that wasn't mine.

Hey, Ev and Kyle, dinner's ready.

All right. Okay?

All right, take a second.

I'm here to help, man.

Dude. Yeah.

I appreciate it.

I'm hangry.

Wait, this is amazing.

Wait, stop, stop, stop.

Oh my God, there's fireworks. Do I win?

Let's go out.

Oh my gosh, this is crazy.

I just love fireworks.

I like the metallic looking ones. Yeah.
Aren't they all metallic?

No, no.

Where I'm from in Alabama, they don't do
fireworks on the 4th. Why? They do

fireworks in August because they get
them on sale.

Excuse me.

I want to balance out your height. You
guys, we need to do our own fire run.

Ready? Fire in the hole!

Let's get dressed.

You actually got a pedicure before you
came here, didn't you? I did. Is that

like a weekly thing that you do? No,
every month. What do you think about

who get pedicures? Oh, you should. I can
tell.

You're very clean from head to toe.

Thank you.

I like that.

Carl is definitely someone that I'm
attracted to.

His name is Carl, and he's hot.

He's hot Carl.

Let's go, lovebirds. We gotta go.

You guys have like a whole palace in
here. By the way, you can come use the

palace anytime you want. When do we
leave? We're ready.

Five minutes.

Okay.

Steven, you ready?

You ready?

I'm going up.

I'm new.

I don't know Ashley.

Steven and I are just getting to know
each other. Everett and Kyle were boys,

but at a club, I'm not really hanging
out with the guys. Who am I going to

to? Oh, the blonde girl that's
attractive and also is like smiling and

to hang out with me.

That's a no -brainer.

That's day two of man school.

I've seen my sister meet many guys, and
there's not a ton of guys that I would

say instantly she has a chemistry with.
I just still don't know. What is she

looking for? I don't know.

I think Pearl's a good guy. I don't
think he's going to have bad intentions,

especially since we're in the house. I'm
just so protective of her because she's

not my twin sister.

We just met.

One guy after the other is totally not
the right guy.

Carl, still not making moves.

I gotta take things into my own hands
here. Let's go take shots at the bar.

Yeah, I wanna see it.

I'm pulling you in for a kiss.

We have an inner house hookup.

What happened to my wingman?

The chemistry between Lauren and Carl is

very real. Are you coming, Ashley and I?

But if that mother f***er Carl breaks
her heart, he better run and hide.

Because I will be after him.

Lauren's hot.

Lauren's fun.

But when you hook up with someone in
your summer house, it just causes a lot

drama. I don't want any drama. I want
everybody to be happy and have fun.

But I do like Lauren.

Once I see myself liking someone,

I'm 100 % in.

Fifth season on Summer House. Oh, yeah.

Let's get twisted.

Team Nipples.

That happened in our jacuzzi?

We're nine friends living in a summer
house together.

Nothing's really off limits.

Who's farting? What knucklehead did
this? Like, you don't put bananas.

In a freezer. Who's sharing what beds?
Who's sharing what rooms? I'll sleep

wherever I have to sleep to end this
conversation.

Turning 30 means, like, you've got to
get your shit together.

It's scary to think that I'll be leaving
New York.

I think you should be thinking about us
moving in together.

I know I need to grow up, starting after
Labor Day.

Leaders are out!

I actually made out with Jacqueline.
What else, Kyle?

All you want to do right now is just
have fun with or without me. I don't

what to tell you. You got a girl's
number.

Then tell me what happened, Everett.

No matter what I do, it's going to be
under a microscope. I was made to feel

like I'm pulling wool over her eyes, and
I'm not trying to do that. That guy is

a player.

I don't understand.

Like, what am I doing wrong?

Right now, I just can't be in a
relationship.

You know what? I'm going to go sleep at
a guy's house tonight with a guy in a

bed. I deserve so much better. You're
not welcome next weekend. Not your call

make, Lindsay. You're a guest. You're a
bitch.

What the f*** am I doing with my life?
You're not getting it.

Pour my drink on your face right now.
You guys are a joke.

I think

I'll get this.

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