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Previously on the Band of Pump Rules.

Did you guys have to work or did you get to have fun? I'm like really not trying

to be a bitch. It's just like the conversation, it just makes me

I interrupted her and said, you talking to me makes me really uncomfortable.

You've been throwing rocks. What, because I call you like a whore? I'm

here with someone pretending that they haven't had a married boyfriend.

I don't have a married boyfriend.

I want to do a birthday trip in Montauk. Fun to Montauk. What

do we do?

Stand up or do we fear for our safety and close down and capitulate? What

happened in Orlando?

It was a heinous. acts of terrorism.

Let's get this show on the road!

Hi, Bubbles. I found this little flower outside. Did you bring it to me?

I did.

Another day, another dollar.

What are you guys up to?

You know, doing our favorite stuff here.

How was the day? Yeah, how was Pride?

I was kind of worried, but everybody seemed to be in good spirits and still

wanting to celebrate.

As much as I would love to put on a happy face, I was just literally sad.

I did get a text message from Natalie saying, if Lisa's here, you should be

But Lisa said we didn't have to be if we didn't feel comfortable, and I just

couldn't be pouring drinks down people's throats.

Did you find out anything about what Ariana's doing for her birthday?

We're going to Sonoma. We might be going to, like, a NASCAR or something.

Who's all going? They said that they did invite Lala, so I'll just have to deal

with that, I guess.

Ariana knows I've already been invited to Stassi's birthday, and I've accepted

the invitation, so I'm assuming that's one of the reasons, if not the only

reason, that she hasn't invited me to hers yet.

We finally got a house, a party, in two days.

Yeah. It's a cool party, right? Yes. We're going to be like, surprise!

Oh, yeah, totally.

Kristen's boyfriend, Carter, thinks he's going to Shay's surprise party, and

Shay thinks he's going to Carter's surprise party, so when they show up and

it's both of their surprise parties, it's like, huh, surprise!

I'll sneak out and come say hi to you. Yeah, maybe we can sneak a shot or

something. Yeah.

You want to remove the salt and sugar?

I'm sorry, I'm just, like, very picky.

What is this?

Oh, my gosh! How are you?

Good to see you.

You look so chic. No, you look fabulous.

As always. I was here. Is Brittany working?

I think she is, yeah. I just wanted to ask for something.

Let me send you Brittany.

When I used to work at Sir, I hated Sir.

But now that I can come in as a customer, it's my absolute favorite. I

or f***ing die with those goat cheese balls and my white wine.

Hey, girl. Hi.

Hi.

I feel like I'm stalking you. I'm like coming into your work and be like, is it

pretty here?

What's up? I wanted to ask you something because I thought of an idea for my

podcast. Okay.

I've been doing a podcast called Straight Up with Stassi. We're back

Another week. We're drinking. What I wanted is for women to feel like they're

sitting around with their best girlfriend, drinking wine, talking about

that they're too scared to say in public.

So I haven't asked Stassi things.

episode and so many questions are always about their boyfriend.

Yeah. And so I figured it would be a really good idea to have Jack, now that

he's reformed, the reformed bad boyfriend, answer like, how do you get

cheating? Tell us exactly what dudes do. I feel like it's right to ask you

permission first because...

your boyfriend.

We're going to talk about how big of a piece of shit he was and how I changed

him. Well, listen.

You are actually the one that changed him. So it'll be like a positive. It's a

positive thing. No, that sounds... I'm fine with it. I'm fine with it. Thank

so much.

I don't like to dwell on the... I dig

what a relationship is with somebody else.

Yeah, we thought together.

You. You came twice, sweetheart.

But I'm actually fine with Jack's doing this podcast because the only thing

Saucy's horrible ex -boyfriend and the man that I know and love have in common

is that his name is Jack Taylor. Can I order goatee balls on a chopped salad?

Okay. Be right back. Thank you.

Bam.

Thank you. Oh, my gosh. You're welcome.

I'm going to go chop these off.

Oh, do you mind maybe if you could grab Katie and...

We can talk about something in the back.

Okay. It's not bad. It's something bad. I know, it's weird.

Earlier this week, Lisa told me I should try to get Sheena and Katie together

with Lala.

Why don't you initiate that? You're in the middle. Why don't you put them

together? Hey, listen, if you could find your way back to it, you would probably

like each other. None of these girls are blameless, so there's no reason why we

can't move on.

Ariana needs to speak to us in the back alley. Can you take a minute?

Um, they're like resetting the table, so yeah. Um, okay.

Hey. Hi. Are those the same booth?

No, similar.

Oh. Are we having a meeting?

But I know that there's some conflict with you guys and Lala, and Lisa

that I get everybody together for a conversation, so I was thinking maybe

guys would be open to that.

About what?

I mean, like, to clear up rumors that are true. You know, all the married man

stuff. Like, okay, that's fine.

Yeah? I mean, I don't have, like, a lot of time, but yeah. I don't know what the

f*** Ariana is doing with trying to broker this, like, peace treaty between

myself and Sheena and Lala.

I just, like, we don't have, like, four hours to chitchat. As far as I'm

concerned, there are no more chances with Lala.

She has called me disgusting.

She wants to... My fiancé, she thinks he has the biggest dick. That for sure

we're going to get divorced. And when Tom is finally done with me, she has a

really cute girl she can hook him up with.

Okay. So, how can we...

Make things peaceful so things can be cool at work.

I extended an apology to you. And then when I tried to start somewhat of a

conversation, I got shut down. I wasn't ready to have a conversation with you.

You felt like you needed more time.

Or just for her to be in a better space. Don't worry about me.

It's not about me. We walk into a room and you and I don't even look at each

other. I know that...

There are some things that have been going around, you know, all the married

rumors. So are they saying stuff about her?

Yeah, that knowledge is like, oh, my God, so this guy, his wife found a video

us having sex on his phone.

You guys are f***ing out of your minds. And this is my theory, like, from the

get -go with you is that I just don't trust you. Well, yeah, I was trying to

cover up dating the guy I have, I guess, ex as of yesterday morning.

because I just didn't want to talk about it, and I felt like, oh, this is like a

little fun acting game.

Oh, well, isn't that just convenient that your fake boyfriend that you made

to cover up The actual guy you're seeing just broke up with you yesterday.

There's been trashing on both sides.

I've already apologized. I'm not apologizing anymore. You apologized for

whatever it was worth. Do I need to finger you to make you forget? What is

with you? What is wrong with you? I need to finger you to make you forget?

God damn.

There's so much to clarify.

It's very frustrating for me because I am like...

fully on board 100 team katie however now that ariana and i are close again we

want everyone to get along i don't know what to do well that'll make

sense so i'm dropping anything i've been talking about you because it's not my

business it never should have came out of my mouth so i will apologize for

anything i've said about you that was not true it's fine i don't know what the

this this like weird wishy -washy apologies about like have a little like

integrity so yes and yes yes and yes i think we've had the world's longest

and i can't believe we're not in trouble yet so we walk in the door they're like

you're fired can i order another um

order of goat cheese balls but to go to go go cheese balls to go okay not

judging feels like you are

How many do you have?

It's only weak. Yeah, that's good. Okay.

Hey. Hi, Lisa.

Do you know what the special is tonight?

Yeah, we have an Alaskan halibut with a stuffed portobello mushroom with

mozzarella. Is that how you say it, or do you try and sell it? Try to sell it.

Anything else?

Did you see Saucy's here today?

No. What, having dinner again?

We do do food to go, you know.

Well, she came in to talk to me because you know how she's doing that podcast?

No. Well, she has like a podcast and she doesn't like to like... What has she

got to say that she hasn't said already? Well, she came to ask my permission to

have Jax on it. And you gave your permission?

Yeah, I said it was okay.

Why would she do that?

Because I think, I think it's okay.

Is it okay, Brittany?

Even when Brittany's really pissed off, she's smiling from ear to ear like she's

in a beauty pageant. Where's your pissed off face?

What would you do if you were in my situation?

I would tell somebody to back off.

He's your man, and that's it. But then I'd be married 34 years. Maybe that's

what can't be married for 34 years. I don't know.

Okay. I just want to see how it goes. I think it'll be okay. I just don't want

anybody walking all over you. Right. So don't ask my advice unless you're going

to take it. I'm going to walk back to the pink room, okay? Okay.

Good to see you. All right.

I transferred tables to Tierney because she's the closer, and the rest of my

tables were done. Cool. Everything good? So I'm going to go home. Okay.

Hi. Hi.

Wait. I haven't sat out here at this table in a really long time. It would

been really great to have a mediator today. Yeah. She comes up to me. She's

like, Ariana wants to talk to us out back. She's like, well, you know, I was

talking to Lala, and she said that she wanted to talk to you both to, like,

clear the air. I'm like, I'm sorry that, like, I brought this stuff up.

You heard, you're sorry?

Well, did you say I'm sorry that I brought this stuff up? Well, Tina more

less apologized about that. No.

What? Did Tina have a stroke?

Tina apologized to Lala. She said I apologized. What did she apologize for?

like, for perpetuating talking about this. She's so desperate to be liked all

the time. Can I get out my phone and type what the actual...

I'm texting her right now. I'm sorry. I can't not.

Sheena apologizing to Lala is like one of the victims apologizing to Charles

Manson. He had another story. I don't know what to believe, so I just said,

okay, well, then I will apologize for anything untrue I said.

What about your sources? You can't talk with all this. I have to put this in

capital letters like a psychopath.

I have to get back in there.

I'll text you later.

Okay.

Coming up.

I feel like I can't have an opinion anymore because it's wrong. You can't.

been like this for years. It's almost like they're going back to their old

Look how long this is.

It won't fit.

There has to be a way, though.

Just screw your ball back on.

Oh. It has a screen saying, look, voila.

Oh.

Oh. If I put my mind to it, yes, I consider myself a handy person.

Hey, don't fall. You're worrying me.

But I'm not a big fan of hanging drapes, putting together furniture, hanging

pictures. I'd rather just hire someone to do it. Good job. I'm proud of you.

I need a drink.

I'll make you a drink.

I have to go to these saucy podcasts.

I probably should have a drink.

She's got some kind of, like, layout that she wants me to do, kind of like

called a reformed boyfriend.

I know. Trust me. She came up and asked me if it was okay before she asked you.

Why wouldn't it be okay?

Well, she just was being respectful. I mean, that is your ex -girlfriend.

I was like a child when I dated her. Watch out, honey. You're on top of the

curtain. I trust Jax, and I trust Saucy, but they're going to be talking about

personal things, so it is a little bit weird.

I don't understand why you have this, like, sense in your head that you think

feel like Stassi.

It's just, I mean, any girl, what girl wouldn't feel just a little jealous?

Honestly, I want you to know, like, even if you weren't around, it would never,

never, never happen.

When I think back about my relationship with Stassi, I'm kind of reminded of

that movie, Misery.

I am the devil, and don't you forget it. Grow up.

Grow up. You're a good boyfriend 70 % of the time, but then the other 30%,

you're absolute shit.

I just like being gorgeous with her because it's safer.

Yeah.

Hi.

Oh, my God.

Look at his little coat.

Look at you.

What are you drinking?

A vodka soda. Do you want one?

It's like a mango orange.

Is that okay? Yeah, that sounds good. Anything to get my head away from my

and morning.

Wouldn't say quit drinking.

I did as well. But today, I need a fucking drink.

So what happened last night?

Ariana asked me if I could grab Katie and was like, you know, Lala has been

wanting to clear the air with you two. And I'm like, let's hear her out.

So, dude, like, Lala swears that this married man relationship isn't true. So

let's just say everyone's lying and she's telling the truth. Let's just say

that. And I said, you know what? I will apologize then for anything untrue I've

said about you.

And then Katie goes and tells Stassi. Then Stassi starts texting me. Tell me

didn't apologize at all. And then at midnight, I don't know how many drinks

probably, I get a passive -aggressive text from Katie.

Katie's words exactly where I repulsed her.

But what pisses me off is yesterday, if I repulsed you, why the f*** didn't you

speak up right then and be like, seriously, Sheena? Why the f*** are you

apologizing to her? When I left there last night, Katie wasn't mad at me at

So what happened between 6 and midnight?

My guess is Jossie Schroeder and probably some tequila.

I'm trying to be like, look, you guys, can we just let this go? No.

She's a whore. She's a slut. She's the, I'm like, the three of you think the

same.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah, I think that'd be nice.

But not necessarily.

Do you guys have a certain budget that you've decided you're going to be

on? I mean, keeping the numbers low as possible. I mean, we wanted to keep with

under, like, 50.

What? Keep it under 50.

A thousand? Yeah.

What the?

I know, but we're not even there yet, so we're doing good. No, it's 25. I would

probably say around, like, the 24 ,000. We just doubled our budget. Our budget

for this wedding.

It's sort of like one of those old cartoon snowballs, you know? It starts

small, going down the hill and getting bigger and bigger, and now it's out of

control. You just doubled it.

This was before we even knew.

Sorry, Trisha.

How are you feeling about that?

If it gets up to, like, 50, I'm not going to be able to enjoy the wedding.

it's not.

Dude, Google it. That's how I found out what things were going to cost.

Thanks, Trisha. Bye.

Bye. Yeah, you are.

Dude, we're not. You just sprung that on me. I said under $50.

Actually, it doesn't even matter. I don't really even believe that Tom is a

cheapskate because if he was, he would be out there trying to find the cheapest

options to give me what I want.

So he's just straight up disinterested.

That was the longest conversation I've ever sat in on. I feel like I'm a tad

older now. Yeah, I just aged like five years when she said 50 grand.

Hi. Hi.

Her little baby mini purse is so cute.

Yeah, it's pretty cute. You guys look all cute today.

What do you want, beer or water? That's all we have.

I'll give you one.

Thanks, love.

Listen, don't you want to know why you're here right now?

So.

These are freaking me out right now. We wanted to text you about this last

night, but we figured it was better. And then Lala last night. She wanted to

explain to us, like, she had had a boyfriend and she was trying to protect

So she had, like, decoy boyfriend.

Decoy boyfriend.

After some time goes by, Sheena's like, look, Lala, I'm just telling you what's

been told to me. I'm sorry that I've, you know, repeated or believed things

weren't true.

Sheena's pulling you short.

Backing into a corner and not sticking up for the person that you love so much.

She was being asked by Ariana to pick a side, and she chose one.

And this is the thing.

We're not here to dictate who people can be friends with, but if somebody's

willing to sacrifice her best friend in order to just be liked, how am I ever

going to be able to trust somebody like that?

I feel like I can't have an opinion anymore because it's wrong. You can't.

been like this for years. And it was fine when Stassi and Kristen weren't

around, but now they're back in.

It's almost like they're going back to their old ways. And you know what? The

last five years, I've called every single incident that's happened. I'm

who's the guy that predicts the end of the world? Gandhi or what the fuck is

name? When it comes to this group, I can predict the future like Gandhi.

Did Gandhi predict the future?

Mohammed Gandhi, right?

Isn't he some, like, Indian dude who, like... Who is Gandhi? What did he do?

How are you supposed to go on this trip to Montauk with these girls?

What I've been struggling with all morning. Well, then you can come with

mean, which you might be able to. Katie wants to talk while we're setting up for

the party tomorrow, and I said, absolutely not. I can't ruin Shae's

tomorrow. Yeah, you've worked too hard on that.

Coming up... Most men cheat down.

I know that. Okay, so I like to think, do I still have it? Would you be willing

to take a sociopath quiz?

Hello. Good evening.

How was everything?

Are you telling me the truth?

I'm looking for a thing for the champagne, but... I found one over

Oh, cool. Wow.

Hi. Hey, Lisa.

Hi. Yeah, would you like anything?

I'll have a quarter of a glass of rosé. I've had a long day.

Yeah, me too.

Why? What's going on?

Yesterday, I tried to mediate, as you, you know, suggested, and I felt like

everyone got to say their side.

So fast forward a couple of hours later, and Sheena told me that she was getting

a lot of texts from Stassi and a lot of texts from Katie.

About what?

It sounds like the conversation that we had got twisted. You know what? I think

everybody should stop, like, worrying about all this bullshit.

Everybody should be getting on.

You're the one with the sense.

Cut the bullshit.

I don't think they cut the bullshit. No, seriously.

The hope when Ariana sat the girls down...

would be that the girls would have a newfound respect for each other and I

wouldn't have to hear about it again, but unfortunately I was wrong.

I see you have, like, vanilla vodka.

Can I see that with, like, Diet Coke?

Sure.

I feel like this looks like a weapons case. It's not, so, like, don't be

out.

Hi. Hello.

How are you?

I'm good. How are you doing?

I'm sorry, really quick. Are we doing a podcast or are we searching for ghosts?

Beep, beep, beep, beep. Oh, we're getting closer.

Did you ever think that you would wear my... I'm not going to lie. There's a

of things right now that I didn't think I'd be happening. That's for damn sure.

I'm coming from a math department.

Sheena came over. She's kind of like, they all think alike. They all meaning

you, Kristen and Katie.

That's such an easy...

Stupid, like, just so, like, one -dimensional thing to say.

I think she kind of thinks it's, like, the mean girls kind of thing. How are we

mean? What is Sheena doing?

She's the one who peed up, and now she's crying to Jackson Brittany?

That is what she does when she's caught or wrong.

Whoa, like, you have, like, notes?

I prepared for this for a while.

Like, four years?

This is all supposed to be in good fun, and I want my listeners to be able to

hear from somebody who has been a douchebag for most of his life.

That's cool.

You know, it's kind of hard to argue with Stassi when she says I used to be a

douchebag. I mean, cheating on her was a bad thing to do, obviously.

But if I never would have done all that douchebagging, I guess I wouldn't be who

I am today.

Are you ready for this?

I don't know. We'll see.

I'm not sure whether I'm, like, proud or mortified about my next guest.

Should I introduce you as, like, Jack Taylor or Jason Couchy? Well, you called

me every name anyway, so. That's true. I was researching this, and 48 % of men

say that the reason that they cheat is because of emotional dissatisfaction,

meaning they don't feel appreciated.

Yes, I agree, 100%. I've been down that road before, and it has nothing to do

with looks. I've read a fact that most men cheat down, first of all. I know

that. Okay, so it has nothing to do with looks. I've dated the hottest girls. I

mean, I've had a couple that I've whatever, but I've dated always pretty,

girls. So it has nothing to do with looks. I like to think, do I still have

Can I still go out there and attract other women? I don't want to ever think

that I lost that. Okay, so do you think that maybe that makes you somebody that

doesn't care about other people's feelings?

Probably. Yes, at the time, yeah. Would you be willing to take a sociopath quiz?

Am I really going to take a sociopath? I mean, all right, let's take a

sociopath. Here we go. Disagree or agree. Okay. Success is based on

the fittest. I am not concerned about the loser.

I agree.

I find myself in the same kinds of trouble time after time.

Yes. I'll just interrupt you.

Sociopath.

Okay, people who are stupid enough to get ripped off usually deserve it. Yeah.

That's why you steal sunglasses.

Love is overrated.

No. You can redeem yourself.

No. Are you aggressive or cool -headed?

Aggressive. Do you fail to learn from experience, true or false? True.

Uh -oh.

I mean, it's loading.

I don't know. You are a sociopath and only out of Hannibal Lecter's face.

I'm a sociopath.

I really don't think Brittany's going to leave me because I did a test on the

computer. Jack shouldn't feel bad about being a sociopath.

I mean, Tom Sandoval is probably a narcissist.

Kristen meets most of the criteria for borderline personality disorder.

Ariana has a superiority complex.

Katie has anger management issues.

Gina's a hypochondriac, and I'm an alcoholic. So he's in good company.

Oh, good. You did such a great job.

Thank you so much for being so honest.

I feel like I had, like, a therapy session for today. I'm so glad.

Are you nervous about going tomorrow a little bit? I feel like it's supposed to

be such a fun party.

It will be fun, though. I feel like you could save it. I'm not going to confront

her when people are out at Shay's birthday.

It's going to be awkward bringing someone down on a birthday trip, isn't

Well, I'm hoping that she fixes it.

This one's off an edge. All right.

What's going on? Are you okay to work?

I'm fine to work. If I talk about it, I get upset. I'm totally fine to work.

We talked about the whole thing with Lola's dating life. I said, you know

You're saying this isn't true, so I'm going to apologize for anything untrue

I've said about you.

End of the world. I repulsed Katie, were her words.

I'm fine.

I'm doing my job. I'm fine.

Hi. What's going on between you two?

Why are she in tears?

Why are she in tears?

I don't know.

We haven't had a chance to talk about it. We've got tables to wait on.

My table on Garden Left is closing out right now. That closes out? What about

you? Well, no, I'm like, I don't want to have a conversation tonight about this.

I don't want to talk about it anymore.

Well, I'm not going to talk to you at Shay's party tomorrow.

I've immersed myself in this fight that sometimes seems...

Almost impossible, really, doesn't it, Harrison?

I don't want to see you two fighting. We've been there, we've done that. I

want to see it again, okay?

Why am I paying these people? They should be paying me for therapy.

Right, Harrison?

And that's wrong.

That's not sold out.

Coming up... Sheena went over crying that we're so mean to her. I'm like, we

haven't even got a chance to be mean to you yet.

Thank you for bringing everything.

All right, let's do this.

Thank you so much for coming with me this morning. Of course. I'm happy to be

here and happy to help.

I just want to have fun. I can't wait for tacos.

Okay, so I tried to have, like, Schwartz bring Carter and, like, leave at the

same time as Jay so they can walk in together.

I'm so excited. I can't wait for this. I've never, like, been to an action

surprise party. Dude, I've never planned one.

It's amazing to get here so we can. I know. I feel like I just heard her

Yes, I did.

This is really heavy.

Hi. Hi.

Balloon time.

Oh, my gosh. Party time.

Can we just make Santa a bartender the whole time? Yeah.

What is that? It's a margarita baby pool.

It's going to be one saucy -ass margarita.

Was there more ice or no?

No, whatever we brought.

No, Tom and Ariana and Jack, they're all bringing some. I just wanted to make

sure. Let's do the whole thing? Yeah.

Meaning, like, not everyone's going to stick a straw in a baby pool and drink

out of it. Well, then we need to not have them as our friends.

Do you think this is a bad look that the three kidwitzes are together doing

this? Maybe I should go help them.

I mean, she seems surprisingly abnormal.

I want her to start getting filled.

Are we going to ignore this all day long?

What's scaring me is that, like, it just keeps getting worse. Like, at first,

she just said she apologized to Lala. Yesterday, when I was with Jax, Jax was

just telling me how Sheena went over to his crying that was so mean to her. I'm

like... Wait, we haven't even got a chance to be with you yet.

Brittany came this morning, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, there it is.

Look at this, balloons.

Looking good so far.

Where's the alcohol?

Hey!

Party's here.

It's hot outside.

It's good cool weather.

Hi. Hi.

What up?

You've been a classy.

Hell yeah.

It's a margarita baby pool.

Oh, my God.

They're here, they're here, they're here.

You guys, they're here. They're here, they're here, they're here. Okay,

Everybody keep your voices down. Okay, okay, okay.

I think we're going up this way.

I think I got chosen as the candidate to bring down Shane Carter to the surprise

birthday party because I'm a gossipy.

And I'm not going to ruin the surprise.

You know, like Jax would.

They told me it was your surprise party.

This party isn't exactly a surprise party.

I mean, both guys knew they were going to a surprise party.

It's both y 'all's surprise party.

Gotcha.

It's not a surprise.

I've never had nor planned a surprise party.

You still haven't. I know we got a lot of vodka because I bought it. Yeah.

He's not going to drink it, but we bought it together.

Not right now, maybe later.

A month and a half. Best girlfriend ever.

You're the worst at keeping secrets.

This is the only secret I've ever kept in my whole life.

You rock, man.

Oh, you peddle over here. So much panicking. I wasn't panicking.

I want to talk to you about some really serious stuff.

First of all, you need to shave those nipples.

Yes, and the armpit hair. There's too much armpit hair. Back at the mall, I

a really good body bronzer, though.

Dude, I'm not that busy. Change the light. I need sunglasses right now a

bit. I just don't know the 30 -packing.

It's going back.

Remember how much you were like, God, I would never want to be friends with

three of them. They think with one mind and one mind only. Well, they've moved

away from the hive mind, but anyway. That's not, that's not. It's going back

the three of them.

No, it's not.

Listen,

it's like the mafia. There's various types of, there's a lot of perks to

in the mafia, but there's also, there's strings attached.

She should be very concerned about her standing in this family.

You have to understand that it wasn't cool.

Okay, and I understand that. And for that, I'm going to apologize.

Are you saying that we three share a brain? Because the three of you feel the

same way about the situation.

Yes, and now you guys all share the same opinions about this. And everyone in

the family wants to share their opinion.

Yes, but now I'm waiting. Do you just literally think there's a possibility

you won't even come to her birthday and that you're going to go to Ariana's

instead? If she still wants me to come, then of course I would go. I feel like

the future of our friendship depends on this trip. If I don't go...

Doc will never forgive me, and Katie will be that much more mad at me. And I

can't afford for her to cut me out of being a bridesmaid. I don't like

with my friends.

I know that. Don't cry.

Today we could just have fun because of the circumstances.

That would be great.

Take a deep breath.

Don't cry.

We've been waiting for this for a month and a half, okay?

I occasionally have to play mom to my friends.

Actually, it's not occasionally.

It's all the time, 24 -7, and this is exactly why I don't have children yet.

I don't know where to go. I'm like, oh wait, you're mad at me. You're mad at me

too. Yeah, my guy. Happy birthday, man.

Happy birthday.

I'm supposed to fly across the country with you in a week?

What the f*** am I supposed to do that? Do you think you guys will, like, work

it out before then? I mean, come on. I just want you to, like, hate all the

people together.

Is that it?

Sheena, I have to tell you something.

We've already gotten NASCAR tickets.

We already had to get passes, and to get passes, we had to give names.

I feel really bad for Sheena because I would love to say, come on my trip, but

don't have room for her.

Every bed, every ticket is spoken for.

We can't add anybody.

So, like, if it doesn't work out with you and them, like, you can't come with

us. I know.

Coming up. I saw they're trying to defend you and they suck.

Wait, wait, wait. They can go f*** themselves.

Can you see your balloon?

I actually thought about buying multiple ones, but I didn't pick it up.

We'll see.

I didn't mean to drag you down here all shady, so.

I thought there were strippers or something.

I wanted to ask you something.

I'm about to be married. Dude, I did it, so I know what you're going through. I

think I've exercised all my doubts and, um,

cynicism? What's the word?

Anyways, I think this is the money talking.

It's starting to, like, rack up.

First of all, I wanted to keep it at, like, $15 ,000.

No. No. What? I don't even know what you're talking about.

I now declare you husband and wife.

$60 ,000?

Come on, man.

Right now, Shay's, like, the only guy who's gone through the same thing that

going through, which is women planning weddings without any regard.

For budget.

How much are wedding photographers?

They can go up to $10 ,000. What? Did you put the order in for the invitation?

They're like $18 a piece.

What? We wanted to keep with under like $50.

What? When we're wedding planning and Suna would say like numbers to me, in my

head, as a guy, I would be like, why don't we just like get married easy and

then save that money? Why don't we elope? That's a down payment on a house.

Yeah. I think we share the same philosophy.

Don't inquire too much about the cost of things to deal with the pain at the

end, you know? I was like, that's like three jet skis.

I haven't even got to talk to you yet about the podcast.

Brittany, how'd it go?

It was so entertaining.

It was good. The only thing that was really funny is that I asked him

permission. I was like, will you take a sociopath quiz?

Oh, God.

I'm going to be honest. I don't really know exactly what a sociopath is.

Did he fail it?

Miserably.

Yeah, I did.

Sociopath. A person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme

antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.

Yeah, not the worst thing, I don't think, but definitely not the end of the

world. On another note, I was kind of wondering what was going on when she was

in that situation.

Are you able to see where she was coming from? The only thing that I see right

now is her saying, I don't want any more drama with anybody, and I'm just ready

to let it go.

I'm a lot more understanding on certain things because I am kind of like her

where I'm super forgiving.

I feel like I should learn something from you, but at the same time, I need

know that I can trust somebody and that somebody's loyal.

Listen. I love that Britney is classy and can just kind of, like, rise above

things.

Unfortunately for Gina, that's not me.

Hey. Hi.

I'm going to let you girls talk. Careful, don't lean on it.

Yeah, it's very wobbly.

Yeah, I just found that out.

Please tell me what's going on. I know what you heard. I'm sure you must have

assumed, what the fuck, Gina was apologizing? Like, that's insane.

Stand up for something.

Stand up for something.

I am. I'm standing up for myself, saying that I'm done. You're supposed to be

our best friend. What are you even saying? But how can you ask that?

Why are you asking people to let it go? You have not been hurt by her in a

really serious way.

I am trying to tell you what you're doing.

Ariana,

can you join this conversation, please?

Yeah. Because you can't fight a battle on your own. No, because you weren't

there. You weren't there. Okay, well, I am more than happy to talk about this

with Ariana. You weren't there.

What is this that is going on? Because all I know, we all work together at

Lisa had advised me to try to mediate. Mediate, but you're Lala's friend.

But I'm Katie's friend, too. Okay, but it's not a mediating situation.

Do you realize how much Lala has done terrible to Katie and said awful things?

Ariana doesn't get it.

Lala said she wanted to...

Tom Schwartz, after he leaves Katie because she knows that they're going to

a divorce.

This girl is being evil.

You're acting like I'm discrediting that.

Then why are you asking Katie to be friends with Lala?

Are you kidding me? I did not say that. All I know is that is not what I said.

You guys have said have a clean heart.

Let me ask you.

I don't want to be friends with that person. Don't make me talk to that

again. That's what Katie's asking.

How could you lie?

I just don't understand how you can, like, be friends with someone like that.

She gets into this very heightened state, and I find her very annoying.

Lala isn't somebody that has ever been— You won't even let anybody finish. You

won't even let us finish. Okay, I'm going to be quiet, and I'm going to let

everybody talk. We'll take turns.

It's like how you would in a normal conversation.

We all work together.

You're so emotional, Duffy. You're so emotional. And I don't know how to have

conversation with you. Then don't have a conversation with me, and I'll just,

like, walk off.

Well, I mean, like, can't we just talk about it, like, normally? Why are you

getting so heated?

Why are you so heated?

I'm like, oh, my God. It was not like that.

What's wrong? They suck.

Sheena and Ariana suck, Katie. I sat there trying to defend you and then they

suck. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, wait, wait.

Stop, stop, stop.

Hold on, wait. What happened? What happened?

She was just trying to talk to Sheena alone and Sheena pulled Ariana out of

pool. They can go f*** themselves. I'm so angry right now.

Ariana gets out of the pool like a f***ing mermaid and stands up next to

Okay, Dossie, let's go sit on the couch out there because we're sitting on a

bathroom floor.

Can you guys, can I please just talk to you? Yeah, let's talk. Okay, but can you

guys please go? No. I get to have a conversation, Sheena, and you pulled

somebody else in. Because I said you weren't there. I don't care. It doesn't

matter who's there. You weren't there, so I'm saying, how about you hear

else's side? You haven't even heard my side. Well, then I can hear it out right

now. The conversation began with you and I, and then when you started saying,

you guys, and you guys, nearly almost every day, that you think that we are

this. I said you guys all have the same opinion on this. We do not.

Stop being a bitch.

Stop being an asshole.

I'm done gossiping about her. I'm done talking about her. I'm done giving a

about who she is. I don't care. I'm letting that shit go. I'm done talking

her. It's not about her.

It's not about her.

It's about the fact that you don't care.

How hurt she's been. You don't give a f*** about anyone but yourself. And that

is what it's about. You only want to be liked by everybody. And that is what

you're doing.

Sorry,

you guys don't know me better. You think that you're being a bigger person?

Like, oh,

I don't want to feel anger. So I'm going to give her a sarcastic apology.

I don't want to be your friend and I don't like her. Yeah, and then I'm done

with you. These girls are so mad at me for something that didn't even happen.

Like, they are so drunk and emotional.

They're not listening to the facts.

Katie, in the last six months, you've gotten angry like Tequila Katie again.

Okay, that is what you're saying.

It happens more often, and I'm like, dude, is something wrong? You can't

that in my face. Katie, I'm just saying, if there's something wrong, I just want

you to be happy. I don't see how you don't see that.

I'm sorry, have I been unhappy?

Have I been unhappy? Have I been angry? The only reason I'm angry about Lava is

because of your f***ing mouth.

Aside from everything I've been seen, Schwartz has also been telling me

behavior has not been good. I know that you guys are close now. Stop.

Don't do that to them. You don't fucking ever listen. It's like being in a

relationship with a wall.

Talk about how your dick doesn't work either.

It does worry me.

I'm so unhappy.

Unhappy. No, it's because, Sheena, you cannot accept that you fucked up. I

apologize for untrue statements. I didn't look bad.

Oh, my God.

Tina, I can read you. Okay. Like a fucking book. Okay. You're the most,

transparent person I've talked to in my life.

So transparent.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to my husband's party.

Over the past few years, I've fought with my friends and made up with them.

So that was really fun.

I've never thought I was better than them until this moment because they're

acting like assholes.

Here, Lee.

I'm the most transparent fake person she's ever met. She can read me like a

whatever. They keep saying, you want to be friends with her. Guys, they want

something. Now she's like, she's just mean.

Jesus Christ.

I'm over it.

Next time on Vanderpump Rules.

I don't even know what to do about this trip. I don't know if Stassi's going to

disinvite me.

They're just bullies, dude. If she decides not to come, it's like, are you

going to not want to be a bridesmaid? This is like the opposite of bridesmaid

behavior. I feel like I get one of those punch cards, you know?

Five surgeries, get the victim free.

I'm so excited. I want to go and have a good time on your birthday.

Like, even if that means there's no conversation, but, like, we don't speak

word to each other.

I miss working for you. I did take what I had for granted, and I fucked it up.

And you're still screwing it up.

To see more of Vanderpump Rules, go to bravotv .com.