All language subtitles for Vanderpump Rules – S5E03

Previously on Vanderpump Rules... Well,
I can see that everybody here has not

been working on their summer bodies.

You go near Katie ever again.

I will floor you, bitch.

Tell Lisa what happened with James last
night. He's over there having a

cigarette talking, and then all of a
sudden the guy swings at him and then

James in a headlock. You're in trouble.
What happened last night? What did you

say? Nothing, and I didn't even provoke
her.

No, Pete.

I walk back into my bedroom, I open up
the door, and guess what I see?

Brittany and Kristen on the bed.

Why did you say it? Because it happened!
It didn't happen!

Oh my God, I think I'm crazy.

I must be crazy. Nobody's hearing this.

Look how beautiful everybody is. I know.
I feel so proper.

So feminine.

Hi, everyone.

Hi. This is adorable.

Can we open it?

Yes. I'm so excited.

Pop the balloon.

Oh, my God.

I'm scared.

Some of you have been bugging me about
it. So officially, I am now asking if y

'all would be my bridesmaids. Yay!

Okay, good.

I have been waiting for this day since
the minute I introduced Katie and Tom.

be a part of planning this wedding with
her and to stand at the altar with her.

Like, it's everything.

I feel like I have the best.

group of girls. She and I have gotten so
close for a couple years and then like

Rachel over the last year and I've
gotten really close. Jen was my first

close friend in LA and this is my
leopard sister over here and I know

you're like new to the group. I'm so
happy to have you in my life and you

thanks for moving here from Kentucky.

One year. Happy anniversary.

Yeah, thanks.

I met you on May 6th in Vegas.

You're the first one I met out of
everybody.

Yep. But speaking of Jack, you guys are
good? Yeah, we're doing good.

Even though I am mad, and I did go off
on him plenty of times, and I was kind,

was upset, and he finally started coming
around and apologizing, and it's not

worth it for me to break up over
something that he knows that he's wrong

Listen, he is so lucky to have you.

Why don't you just take his credit card
number and buy whatever you want for

yourself and then say thank you.

I don't even look at Jax anymore like an
ex -boyfriend.

I look at him as like an ape that has
like a really cool girlfriend.

A year ago, we weren't even talking. We
were, you know, and that was weird back

then. I'm really sorry.

I'm really sorry.

A year ago, Katie wouldn't even respond
to a text.

And now, she's asking me to be a bragged
main.

And let's be honest, like, I'm pretty
much, like, maid of honor.

And because of that... This time around,
I am not going to miss or take any

moment for granted.

Am I, like, overstepping a weird
boundary right now?

If I, like, ask, just because I thought
that Ariana would be here. Oh, I was

wondering about that, too.

Last year, like, when Ariana and I were
getting close, yeah, I would have

thought so, too. I mean, we're just not
now, and I know she doesn't even like

being a bridesmaid.

I already knew that I was not going to
ask Ariana to be a bridesmaid. I mean,

her defending Lala's indefensible
behavior recently didn't improve the

likelihood that I would ask her anyway.

I'm not going to say anything about the
group because I'm not about groups.

I'm over it. Dude, I'm done.

Lala, I care about you.

I'm not trying to be an asshole, but
this is how I feel.

It would have been more awkward because
I think she would have felt like she had

to say yes. But I'm like, okay, well
then I'm not going to worry about it.

This really is the best group of girls.

Dream team.

Ladies, thank you so much.

Thank you. Love you.

Love you so much.

Ariana's never going to want to be a
part of that group of girlfriends, which

understand. I used to want to and then
not want to be a part of it, and now I'm

so happy I am.

Hashtag Team Katie.

Is that our new team slogan?

Oh, hello.

Hi, troublemakers.

How are you since the headlock?

Headlock? You know, my head's doing
okay.

Still on. Are you fired yet? I haven't
spoken to Lisa about that. I have to

to her tonight if she comes in.

I was on break outside a pub and
basically Edmund, who is Sheena's

photographer, he thought I was super
rude and put me in a f***ing headlock.

Why are you nervous for me?

Well, I was worried because you've had
so many strikes.

People keep wondering how many strikes I
get, you know, until I actually get in

trouble. But in London, we don't have
baseball, so I don't know how many

I get. But what I do know is I'm still
working at a certain pump, so I can all

go and deal with it.

I'm not going anywhere.

Spoke with Katie, obviously, at World
Dog Day. I mean, I feel like I owe her

apology for the mere fact that I've said
some things that are just stuff. But at

the end of the day, like, I'm not trying
to be this bitch's friend. She's not

trying to be my friend. No.

I used to be okay with Sheena. Our
relationship has definitely taken a turn

gone south.

But Katie and myself are very, very far
from friends.

The only way that I'm going to be able
to handle working with them is to just

apologize to them.

Cool. Play something gangster. Maybe our
song.

Love you lot.

What up, dude?

Hey. How's it going?

Not too bad, not too bad. What's going
on with you?

Not much.

We're going by Schwartz's, right? Yes,
he's cooking dinner. Yeah. And I hope

it's good. He's, like, infamous for
dropping the ball when he goes to, like,

like, a snack run. He'll be like this. I
got frustrated. I was in the grocery

store. I got all this food, but I don't
have a pan, actually, to cook in.

So Edmund put James in a headlock?

Yeah. Awesome.

Oh, shit. We need, like, a pimple.

What do you think Lisa's going to do?

I don't know.

Lisa, for the love of God, will you
please just get rid of this little

idiot? You don't even have to do
anything to this kid. He's pretty much

-destructing. I've tried to tell him
that.

You know what that button does over
there?

Do we have some room for some desserts
and blackberry cobblers?

Hi.

I will see you later. I've just got to
deal with somebody over there. OK. All

right.

Hello. Hello.

I need to talk to you. OK. All right.

Unfortunately, there's another
controversial situation, and it involves

Kennedy. I've conducted an
investigation. I've asked all the staff.

witnesses. The only thing I'm not really
totally aware of is actually what James

said to this man.

Oh, sorry about that.

Why are you laughing? I don't know, I
don't know. It was nerves, nerves.

Yeah, you should have nerves.

Any kind of friction or altercation,
it's upsetting my business.

It's upsetting. 100%. I'm obviously
sorry for that happening at your

but in my defense, though, like, people
see me winning right now, and they don't

like it anymore. They don't like to see
me. You're not Calvin Harris right now.

But at the same time, I'm giving
something more than what they're giving

now.

Let's face it, you know, I'm in a
position where everybody wishes they

Something's got to give. You've got to
be a little bit pissed about it,

especially when the newcomer comes in,
becomes the main DJ and has the top 100

track on iTunes. I mean, if I was them,
I would come after me.

So, come at me.

Do you think you're innocent? Well, just
tell me the truth. Yes. My experience

with you, it supersedes any explanation
you're going to give me because I just,

I don't trust you.

I do have a lot of sympathy for James,
and I think I've been more than lenient

and very fair, but at some point, I am
going to have to stick my Louboutin up

his little skinny ass.

It makes it very difficult for me to
keep you employed. You know that, right?

Yes. I've given you as many chances more
than anybody else. Oh, my God.

Luckily for you, it looked like the
other guy was the perpetrator, and I'm

to hear that.

Thank God.

The favors have run out, James. If I
catch you drinking, doing whatever

doing, if you do any of that, we're
done.

I spoke to a plethora of people at Palm,
and if one person had said James was at

fault, then he would have been out of
there. But I just had to let it go,

because this time it wasn't James
Kennedy's fault.

Now, will you go and do what you're
supposed to be doing and spin some

Get your ass in.

Coming up. This is special and I want
you guys to remember this.

Dude! What the hell is that?

How

did

that conversation go?

It went just fine.

I know you don't like him, but... It's
not that I don't like him, I just don't

respect him.

Well, he's young as two feet.

We keep making excuses for him, and I
mean, he's a 24 -year -old adult.

Let's cast our mind back seven years
ago. But I was just trying to be nice,

I look pretty, and then she's like,
what's wrong with your tooth? I'm like,

going to sleep with her husband. Oh,
absolutely.

I have given him more chances than he
probably deserves.

But I also see what's gone on in his
life the last six months. Yeah.

You just can't keep using one traumatic
experience as an excuse for all of your

behavior. You're right.

How many more chances are we going to
give him, darling?

Right now I need to get back to my
table. I just wanted to check in on you.

That's the best news I've ever heard. Go
on, off you go.

find a muddler do you see uh lisa and
james coffee just not stay out of

he needs work we know that dj's here so
i guess everything's cool

i mean isn't it always dj is everything
cool uh

yeah we are good all right The fact that
I didn't choose Ariana

as a bridesmaid, I feel good about,
especially considering with her just,

high -fiving James in front of me. He
was, like, the worst version of a person

that humanity has to offer.

How awesome is everything else?

We put the closet down on the venue.

Luckily, we want to keep it small.

And you save money that way, too.

He's in a wine room, so now he wants,
like, ten. I'm like, does that mean

going to have to have ten?

No. It's probably a conversation that
needs to be had.

But, like...

I know you're not crazy about
bridesmaids and stuff.

And I know it's like, yeah, there's the
one point that like, you know,

obviously, just like last year, we kind
of had like a little bit of separation

and stuff, but I like that it's still
good.

So if you're trying to tell me that I'm
not a bridesmaid, it would be a lot

easier if you just said it.

I didn't want... put pressure on you i
didn't want to put pressure on myself

having like the dynamic with everyone
and like put everyone out of their

zone you know i'm involved in whatever
way you want me to be involved it

require me to be wearing right yeah i'm
gonna take this to my table thank you

What's up, dude? And we can't not not
wear flip -flops. I know. How many times

we get all the way to the front door of
some club and you get turned away

because you're wearing flip -flops. You
guys, welcome.

I'm taking care of you guys tonight.

Jack and Tom, two of the first people I
met here in L .A., and I want to do

something special for them. You know, I
want to cook them a really nice dinner

as a reminder how much I appreciate
their friendship, and I really do value

everything they've done for me.

Dude, those shrimps. Here you go, the
freshest shrimp you'll ever have. Dude,

how good is that? Dude, they're
delicious.

Can we focus on the wedding right now?
Speaking of the wedding, I had probably

one of the top ten most awkward moments
of my life. I had the pre -nup

conversation before we get married. I
think we should probably get a pre -nup

just as a precautionary measure.

Just, no, no, listen.

It's not an expression of doubt. I mean,
I hadn't, like, thought about it, but,

like, I was not against pre -nup.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa. I can get it for somebody who

million dollars, a celebrity that
marries somebody who's not. No, I know

whose lives have been torn apart by
divorces. It's a classic example of,

lawyers basically making the money. I
just feel like prenups are a good idea.

My mom and dad got divorced when I was
in fourth grade. My dad actually got

divorced. Another time his second one
obviously went a lot smoother because he

knew how to handle it But especially I'm
bringing you guys over here as a

reminder How much I appreciate
everything you guys did for me when I

here. Oh my god. I'm actually getting
emotional I think you know what I'm

say next.

What?

I would love it if you guys would be my
groomsmen.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, dude, come on I mean
come and be my groomsmen I don't want

to get teary. I don't want to get teary.

I can't help but feel

nostalgic about where we started off
from with the Craigslist ad and, you

be like almost a big brother to sports,
then see him sort of come into his own.

And I just know that on the day of his
wedding, I'm going to be so proud to be

standing next to him.

You guys, it's coming in, baby.

My own girlfriend doesn't make me
dinner. Look at that. That's mashed

jalapeno cream, some broccoli.

No, that's the least I can do. And I
mean... For hazing you for years? Yeah,

dude, you guys have done a... and laugh
for a minute.

It started with Jack as if it wasn't sad
enough to be sleeping on an air

mattress. Jack should come home wasted.

He would pull the plug on my air
mattress and I would wake up on the hard

And then I would be in my room and I'd
hear like, Jack and Tom, they hate

this out of me. Whether it was out of
love or spite, they hate me.

Hey, Ming.

Get out of here. Ew.

Oh, my God.

I just feel like I never got even. So
I've been looking for a chance, an

opportunity to start to make things
even, you know?

Smell that fucking mirror, man. You can
smell the quality.

Yeah. Yeah, look at it. Yeah.

I went all out for this meal. I even
made my own special spice.

I know you like it medium rare.

It's great, man. No.

That I marinated these in before I
served them to the guys.

Look, I cleaned your plate. I'm going to
cry.

Why? I mean, I appreciate it. Delicious.

There's no denying you guys tortured me.
I feel like I never really repaid you

guys. Now's a good time to sort of start
the repayment.

Uh -oh.

No panic.

No panic.

This is special, and I want you guys to
remember this.

I want you to open them up. Oh, no.

Hey, man.

Oh, no.

Dude. What?

What the hell is that, dude?

What is that, dude? What is that thing
in the butt cheek in the middle? It's

your steak, motherfucker.

What?

Oh, my God.

Dude, what the?

And I should just add this. Before I did
this, I did run three miles and I

didn't shower afterwards.

I honestly feel a f***ing pube in my
f***ing throat.

And this is like some Shakespearean like
cutting up the guy's sons and cooking

it in a meat pie and feeding it to them.

God, I'm pissed I didn't think of that
first.

I feel good!

Dude, are you...

Are you kidding me? I'm not going to lie
to you. This is genius.

I got to admit, the food was good.

Ass steaks or no ass steaks, I liked it.

You ate steaks that were between my ass
steaks. You know what today?

He was worse than I was.

You put your penis on his head in the
morning. You put another one like this.

Dude,

I had to spread my cheeks so far apart.

I don't want to hear any more about it.

Coming up. If you were to say to me
right now, Katie, I apologize for

you a whore, I'd be like, girl, we're
good. Call us and see it.

Hi, ladies.

This is such a cute store. Thank you.

How are you? Good. I've been getting
married August 17th.

Okay, so we're still within like that
six to eight weeks of getting an

invitation out. Yeah, let's look at our
font book.

This is cool. I like that.

I do like that.

Do you ever do anything that's kind of
more like a tea towel with a really cool

graphic with a name? It's actually
really cute.

Really, yeah.

This ties right on top of the tea towel.
See the texture of the wood grain? I

love that.

Sending a tea towel with our wedding
invitation was my idea, and when I ran

by Schwartz, he really liked it. We
definitely have an idea of what you

let me just kind of go and work some
numbers.

I think his only concern is that it
doesn't cost more than a penny. It isn't

going to happen. In other, like,
planning news, he wanted to have an

housewarming party.

Fine. We've never really had, like, a
home that we could have more than six

people in at a time.

I might have to give you preppy plates.
Just bring alcohol.

Yeah. And, like, bring Carter and bring
yourself.

Bring myself.

You're single and you live alone, but,
okay.

It's really fun doing all these
bridesmaid things, but it's really hard

Patrick and I are heading to our final
breakup.

I don't even feel comfortable talking
about it anymore because it happens all

the time. Every time we break up, it's a
joke. Every time we get back together,

it's a joke. I feel like a joke. With
everything all put together, we're

our custom -printed tea towel.

You'll have a 5x7 detail printed on the
vellum, your RSVP card, and then we're

going to put it in a box. It's coming to
about $18 .50 per invite.

Looking about $27 .75 if we're doing
$150.

Is that, like, normal what people spend?

It is. Like, I mean, you're doing
something a bit more custom. As Schwartz

say, that's just how the cookie
crumbles.

Okay.

Cool.

How exciting.

I'm going to need to rob a bank.

All right. I'll have your drinks right
out, and I'll put your orders in. In my

reach.

Hi.

How's it going?

Good. It's been pretty steady.

Are you okay, darling?

Yes. How are you?

Yeah. How's everything going?

Pretty good. Pretty good.

Not drinking?

Nothing? Nothing.

I thought you meant my cologne.

No, no, no. I'm not worried about your
cologne. I'm worried about your alcohol

intake. I hope this is the behavior of
the real James Kennedy and not the James

Kennedy that's trying to fool me.

As long as you're keeping out of trouble
and keeping your nose clean. That's all

I want to hear. Okay.

Thank you. See you later.

Oh, hey, Sugar.

Hi. Whoa.

Hey, ladies.

Does Sheena work tonight?

Yeah, I think so.

I'm really feeling badly about this.

I just need five minutes.

Just leave everything, like, super
matter of fact.

Gina and I used to be friends. I've been
so genuine to everybody, and I

just can't wait. I know the feeling.
Trust me.

Gina, come to mama, honey.

Oh, damn, Gina.

But now she has her head so far up
Katie's ass, I'm just hoping that God is

me. All right, well, wish me luck,
honey.

I am. I love you, girl.

Doing okay?

Oh, we're good. Good right now? Yeah.
Okay. Let me know if we need anything.

Hi.

Can I talk to you for five minutes?

Not five minutes because I have tables.
Five seconds.

I'm just wondering where you and I hit a
point where we were no longer okay.

We were a year ago. I don't like what
you said about my best friend. I feel

she's the first person you should go to
to apologize. I'm not going to her first

because she hasn't liked me from the
beginning. She did like you in the

beginning. No, she didn't. I don't feel
good about what's going on right now.

I'm apologizing because I feel badly
that I've been basically a bully.

It's just so f***ed up the things you
and James have said about her.

It's not okay.

Of course I'm sorry for the things I've
said about Katie.

But until you apologize to her and she
accepts your apology, I'm not cool with

people who trash my friend. I'm not at a
point where I want to accept Lala's

apology and forgive her because until
Katie gets on that level, I have learned

my lesson. I'm being loyal. I am
sticking by her.

Whatever Katie wants to do, I will do as
well. I'm going to get back to work.

All right.

Do we need some more cocktails?

Another round? Okay, excellent.

Girl, Lala, I was checking on that table
outside if they needed more drinks, and

as I'm walking back in, she, like,
stopped me to apologize.

At first, I said, I was like, you have
talked so much.

It's not okay. And unwarranted. I
haven't done anything. The last

had was at my engagement party.

That's literally what it was. Can we
wrap it up?

What the f*** are you talking about?

Don't be rude right now.

The unfortunate part is I have mutual
friends with some of your mutual

And I know way more than I want to know.
And guess what? I have not gone

publicly. You want to talk about our
relationship? Let's talk about you.

What I've been hearing from...

multiple unrelated sources that Lala has
been dating, if we can even call it, a

married man. And he's been bankrolling
her and got her a nice new car and an

apartment and all these, you know, fancy
little presents.

And I prefer to make my money the old
-fashioned way by putting in the time

the effort as opposed to putting a... in
my mouth, like Lala.

Anyways, I'm not going to...

Are you good to cover me for just a sec?
You're good? Okay, I'll be right back.

I don't like Katie, but what I have said
about her is very, very

f***ed up.

So, just human being to human being, I
owe this bitch an apology.

Do you care if I talk to you for one
second?

I know you're upset.

Not only me, but things that I've
obviously said to you and about you.

I obviously have been throwing rocks at
you. When I open up my phone and I see

some like talking about, oh, he's the
only thing you regret in life. It's not

taking your top off more in front of Tom
Schwartz. And, you know, Tom's got a

big dick and you want to.

Kim, and if you listen to me really
quickly, I'm not coming out here to

with you. I wanted to sit out here and
tell you that I apologize for pulling

f***ing blows that I've never ever
meant. You're giving me a f***ing BS

It's not a f***ing BS apology. There's
nothing really about you. Your f***ing

name isn't your f***ing name either.
I've been called Lala since I was a

so you got a problem with that, take it
up with my mama, girl.

You want to throw rocks at me, but then
when I retaliate...

We're going to have a problem.

I didn't throw rocks at you. You've been
throwing rocks. But, like, why? Because

I call you, like, a whore? Like, well, I
mean, call it as you see it.

Whore is somebody who sucks many for
money.

I am in a committed relationship.

He's the only that I'm sucking.

And I call it as I see it. Is that?

I know you did. You told me to my face.

The fat comments. I just apologize for
that. And it's a false apology.

It's not. If you were to say to me right
now, Katie, I apologize for calling you

a whore, I'd be like, girl, we're good.
We all say shit that we don't mean.

Well, I mean, I don't apologize for
that.

I'm sitting out here with someone who,
like, wants to sit here and pretend,

like... I'm also sitting out here with
someone pretending that they haven't had

a married boyfriend. Why would... I
don't have a married boyfriend. Who are

talking about? Who is this human being?

Lala. Don't play stupid.

Oh, my God. I'm in the fucking twilight
zone. You got the Range Rover and all

that. If you want a Range Rover, you can
get one, too.

$350 a month, honey. It's the least.
Yeah, if you put, like, $10 ,000 down. I

know how leases work.

I've never had a bill in my life.

My parents still pay my phone bill. Of
course I can afford a Range Rover.

You want to know where my lubes are
coming from? You can thank my mother. My

Chanel bag?

My mother.

If it makes you feel better, you being
in the...

car or whatever it is, I don't know.

Okay, you're going to throw the thing at
me. Yeah, I'm going to throw shade

because I've apologized and you keep
being an idiot. You're a dumb idiot.

Coming up. I love him. I know he loved
me. I know all of that.

That's just the rest of it. I already
put a bunch of stuff in the fridge and

everything. I got a lot of stuff.

Aren't people supposed to bring stuff
over? I feel like we're just constantly

throwing parties. I mean, I told people
to bring... Gator parties, weddings,

homewarming parties. Shouldn't they
bring us stuff sometime?

If this big wedding's coming up, it's
going to be super expensive.

Everyone gets to eat and drink on our
tab.

And now I'm throwing this little
housewarming party.

Everyone gets to eat and drink on our
tab. It sucks.

Do we have, like, little toothpicks?

Yep. Why do people have to pay for their
own wedding?

I feel like weddings should be...
crowdsourced or crowdfunded, right?

Did you put the order in for the
invitation?

Is that expensive?

Uh... I really want this.

They better not be more than $5 a piece.

They're like $18 a piece.

What? No.

They're really nice. Dude, we can't.

Don't say that's standard. It is.

You don't know?

Have you been married before?

Standard idiot.

Idiocy. Maybe I'm living in a fantasy
land, but I feel like I could throw a

pretty decent wedding for $3 ,000.

And that barely covers our invitations.

How was it last night? Was it busy?

Well, like, last night was good, except
for when I was on my break just trying

to, like, have a moment.

Lala comes out and starts giving me
some, like, apology.

Oh, well, that's good.

That's good.

I just feel like it was a bullshit
apology.

Like, just irritating.

Yeah. The whole thing. And then I, like,
was looking for Sheena, and then I saw

her, like, talking with, like, Lala. I
was like... It was the end of the night,

and I walked into the lounge bar, and I
saw Sheena at the bar, and I saw Lala at

the bar. And not only was Sheena facing
Lala, she was talking to her, and she

was laughing. Like, what the f*** are
you thinking, Sheena?

Banana chip in moderation.

Hey, it's coming together.

You have a charcuterie platter at your
party. You're an adult.

Yeah.

And then we can tell people there's,
like, beer and wine in the fridge.

Bubby, you want to do a little
celebratory shot? All right, cheers.

Well, that's good.

Oh, this is nice, huh?

Let's have a f***ing party.

Hey, you haven't been here yet. Yeah.

Is anybody here?

Any minute.

That's why I'm making a drink.

So I can be a host and greet people and
be, you know, socially lubricated at the

same time. Yeah.

Hello. Oh, my God. Oh,

you brought a present.

Yeah. Thank you. Hi.

You look so cute. You got all dressed
up. You look so terrarium.

You look so awesome.

Oh, my God. Shade. Welcome. Gotta give
him the grand tour.

I know. What is this?

A present.

That's also for you.

Things this year have been amazing so
far. Shay and I are literally in the

place we've ever been in.

The place is nice.

Mm -hmm.

You know, it's really nice.

I'm going to ask him to say how many
bottles of water.

He hasn't drank since last December. We
were just saying the other day, like,

we're happier today than the day we got
married. So we were really happy that

day.

Hey. Yo, yo, yo.

This is really good, but you definitely
shouldn't eat it because it will all

suffer. Okay. Hey.

What's up, man?

Listen, we kind of have to get this
bachelor party going.

I know. We're going to get
transvestites. No.

Not a transvestite. No.

Or a transgender.

No, no, no. No, no, no.

Jackson, no. No, no, no, no. Listen,
listen. I need this.

Who gives a shit about the wedding? I'm
excited to plan the party. The stripper.

Vegas. Women.

All the boys around.

This is going to be epic.

Maybe we'll get a guy dressed in drag.

Okay, it's the same thing. It's not the
same thing. It's not the same thing,

John.

Hi.

What's wrong?

No, I'm fine.

I don't know, maybe like you're the best
person to talk about it because I don't

talk about it with anybody like, oh,
how's Patrick?

I'm like, I feel like everybody knows
not to ask me because it's either we're

together or we're not and it's always
flipping and flopping and I'm

by that.

I'm sure that Katie and Kristen are sick
of hearing me talk about me and

Patrick's relationship, but I need
somebody to talk to.

Misery loves company, but it's really
hard to find company when all your

are so f***ing happy.

It's just a f***ing s***. I feel like
I'm going crazy. No, you're not. Every

time I try to explain it to somebody,
I'm like, I don't know.

I don't know what the problem is. I
don't know.

I love him. I know he loves me. I know
all of that. I know.

Please don't cry. I just don't want to

cry right now. I feel so embarrassed.

Don't be embarrassed.

If you need to talk to somebody, talk to
me. I promise.

I will be there for you, and I'm not
going to judge you. I'm not going to be

annoyed that you called me once a week
upset about something.

Okay? Are you being honest? No, I swear
to God.

Think you promised.

Here, choke some of my vodka soda.

Coming up. Dude, that ass is nowhere to
be found.

She used to have an ass.

No, I don't know what happened.

Hello.

Hello, puppy.

James and I, we're homies. We share
things with each other. You want a

Yeah. Nice to have people that have your
back.

Cheers. Cheers.

So how'd your night go last night?

Dude, with the Katie thing, she was just
not having it.

I will say that girl is not nice.

She's just not a kind person. She's a
f***ing bitch.

She didn't really accept my apology
either. Like, she just gave me the dull

face, you know?

I just want to take a minute and say
sorry.

I just think you're, like, a horrible
person.

I don't give a s***. Just, like, get
over it. I said I'm sorry, too. I said

sorry, too, so I can walk away with my
hands clean. But the thing that bothers

me, she brought up that I'm dating a
married dude, and I don't know where

coming from. That's a very harsh
accusation there.

Lala hasn't told me anything about
whoever she's dating, but I'm going to

away from it because, let's be honest, I
haven't got many friends in this group,

and Lala is definitely one of them, and
I don't want to lose her as a friend.

They're all over having a housewarming
party for Katie and Schwartz.

I'm not invited.

So what do you think is happening at
this party?

What do you think is happening at this
party? I think, okay, I think it's a

bunch of f***ing them being them, being
basic as f***, sitting on a f***ing

couch, drinking wine, Jackson on his way
to getting lit.

Woo!

I bet you Tom and Ariana are wishing
they weren't there.

I feel like they may be having fun, but
it's going to be talking shit.

Don't let them make you feel excluded.

I can make one focal. We have a party
right here right now before pump.

Should we just do it? I'll get too lit,
and then I'll get fired from pump, and

this is not good.

I'm not even trying to come close to
fire. I want to get promoted again.

Yeah. You want to DJ from the rooftop.

Then I'm going to DJ from the plane.

Then I'm going to DJ. They're going to
go insane.

Oh, God. All right.

Lemons. Limes. Know your colors.

Know your fruits.

Katie. Not hard.

That ass is nowhere to be found.

She used to have an ass.

Who's that?

Who's that? She is.

I know. I don't know what happened. Why
is she just kidding?

I'm not hitting on her.

It's gone.

It's nowhere to be found.

There's a little bit of this.

Do you guys want to see my rearranging
of furniture in my bedroom? Yes. Yes.

You know I love a good interior design
situation.

Show me, show me, show me.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

It looks so good.

It's industrial chic.

But also, it's not just industrial chic.
It's like industrial chic eclectic.

I just went like crazy in the bathroom.

But I have to tell you guys about last
night.

We've all heard about Lala sleeping with
a married man.

But Katie had the balls to say it to her
face.

And I'm so proud of that.

She acted like she had no clue what I
was talking about.

She literally denied the whole thing.
And then I told her, I'm like, you think

I'm stupid. Like, you're sitting here
lying to my face. And it was information

that was offered to me. I don't have,
like, a private detective following you

around. She is a... Lala is like a
sociopathic skank.

There's no other way around it. You
don't date a married man and then deny

lie.

She's insane.

Charade. I don't even like that word.
And like, I like, I'm going to say it.

You weren't at work last night. No, you
weren't. What happened? You missed the

apology tour 2016.

Who's apology tour? Guess.

We have a headliner this year. Okay,
it's Lala. Yep.

Oh, oh, how's it going?

Katie said, if you're being dishonest
about half of your life, how do I know

you're being honest in this apology?

Good one. Not to say you don't have a
point. However.

Being dishonest about one thing does not
snowball into you're just a dishonest

person. But it kind of does. How can I
be friends with someone I can't trust

because you are a dishonest person? Her
life is none of y 'all's business. I

know. You work with her at Sir at a
fucking restaurant. The point was, she

about a lot of things.

So to me, she just seems fake and seems
like a liar.

I am fully on board, 100 % team Katie.

Ariana, on the other hand, is a little
more team Lala, forgetting she's friends

with Katie.

And if something doesn't happen, there's
going to be a huge rift in this

friendship. But later after that, I'm
like, okay, where's Tina? I go looking

her, and then I find her, and it's her
and Tina at the bar, and I'm like, cool.

No way. I could not imagine being at a
bar with Lala, even giving like a...

I couldn't even give her a hair flip in
a bitchy way because I don't even want

to acknowledge her because of how awful
she's been. I can't fake a smile and

fake a friendship.

I'm not good at that. It freaks me out.
I think Tina kind of needs to just,

like, take a second to recognize that
she needs to fall in line. Because if

you're claiming we're all your best
friends, then you don't go and chum me

Lala. Homegirl better figure it out.

Hey, gossip girl.

Do you need a gossip girl?

You've been in here forever.

Yeah, I'll be out of your drink by now.
I just got filled in.

Oh, yeah. I need to go. We had the same
conversation.

Yeah.

Yeah, good.

Hey, gossip girl.

I need to go.

I'm going.

Yeah. Okay.

I'm like, what was the part? I'm like,
oh, I guess I'm holding court in my

bedroom. No, I was just, like, telling
you about that. I'm like, what the?

Dude, I mean, truthfully, though, like,
last night, it did kind of, like, sit

uneasy with me, though. Like, I was
like, where's Sheena? Where's Sheena?

walk up to the bar, and I'm like, I saw
you talking to Lala and being friendly

with her.

That's where I was standing first, and
then she walked up, and then I came

and I'm like, well, what am I going to
go stand somewhere by myself? I'm not

accusing. I'm not, like, upset about
that, but I'm just like, um...

Okay, this is uncomfortable.

I'm not going to be like, are you going
to be friends with her? But I'm just

saying, like, I was like, when I was
like, I didn't really like that. And it

like completely taken out of context
what you're thinking right now.

I'm just asking for, like, support. I
don't need to be, like, corrected.

I'm not going to talk to her. I don't
care to be friends with her.

It just looks like my friends are
questioning my decisions and potentially

protecting or defending someone else. I
didn't question anything.

I hate when people tell me I've said
something I haven't said.

Everything you think happened actually
didn't.

I feel like now that, like, she feels
comfortable coming and talking to you

because you've let her know that's okay.
Well, then I'll shut that down. I

didn't go to talk to you. I'm not saying
that's what you should do. I'm just

saying it was very unexpected. And I'm
sorry for that. Keep saying that I said

something I didn't say.

I don't feel like I should have to
explain to Sheena why her being friendly

chatting with Lala is not cool. I mean,
Sheena's a smart girl. I mean, she

should get it.

I 100 % support you, and you should go
back to your party. I know.

You know.

Next time on Vanderpump Rules.

I think I want you to officially be a
groomsman.

Oh, my God.

There is a catch.

And you don't fucking ever listen. It's
like being in a relationship with a...

When you go to the dark side, we bury a
towel.

You have an issue, and that's not what,
like, a real solid friendship is like. I

didn't know I was coming over to get a
pass.

You can't go a day without getting your
ass. Because I'm a rock star and you're

a bartender. They need to take an order.
More cosmopolitan.

Puntini! You turned into a drunken
asshole.

I'm a controller.

To see more of Vanderpump Rules, go to
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