Original subtitles

( suspenseful theme playing )

Oh. Sorry, sir.

I'm always a bit jumpy after a crew mutinies on me.

Of course.

And I wanna thank you again, captain,

for saving my cargo.

All I did was bust open a few heads, sir.

Running a tight ship prepares a man

for the day he buys his own, eh?

Now where would the likes of me

ever get enough money for a ship of his own, sir?

( upbeat theme playing )

( seagull shrieking )

Who's the dried-up old wench, sir?

My daughter, Felicity.

She has great inner beauty. She's unmarried.

Oh, I'm not exactly ready to settle down, sir.

Ebenezer, some day you'd inherit my business.

I crave the sea, sir.

And my house.

A wife needs a man who's near at hand.

And all my ships. I'm not--

( upbeat theme playing )

( seagull shrieking )

She has quite a bit of character,

doesn't she, sir?

( seagull shrieking )

Yes, quite a bit of character, Dad.

( upbeat theme playing )

( maid screams )

( banging )

( Ebenezer screams )

( thunder crashing )

( thudding )

( Felicity screams )

( banging )

( thunder rolling )

( suspenseful theme playing )

( Kreator's "Willing Spirit" playing )

♪ The spirit is willing

♪ Your kisses Are chilling ♪

♪ The spirit is willing

♪ But the flesh is weak

♪ The spirit is willing

♪ Your kisses Are chilling ♪

♪ The spirit is willing

♪ But the flesh is weak

♪ The spirit is willing

♪ Your kisses Are chilling ♪

♪ The spirit is willing

♪ But the flesh is weak

( upbeat theme playing )

The man said the house was built around 1880.

Hmph!

And there's a cove for boating, swimming and fishing.

Hmph!

Almost 16 years old and all he can do is grunt.

How long do you intend to pout?

It's a free country.

Don't I have a right to be miserable?

No. Not yet. I'm still paying the bills.

How would you like to spend the first day of your vacation

in your room? What room?

I haven't even seen the house yet.

( upbeat theme playing )

What's everybody staring at?

Kate, you think the reason my boss

suggested I take an extended vacation

is he's getting ready to fire me?

What do you mean? What's everybody? Where?

( upbeat theme playing )

Out there everybody's playing peek-a-boo.

Your boss is merely aware your back has been bothering you.

I don't think so.

They haven't changed my typewriter ribbon

in over six months.

It's New England, Steve.

They're very reserved down here until they get to know you.

Hmph!

( upbeat theme playing )

( Steve sighs )

Ben, you're the best editor on that magazine and you know it.

That's just what I'm gonna tell them

down at the unemployment office.

Boy, I can't wait to tell my friends

what a gas of a time I had in Weirdsville.

( tires screeching )

Now, hear this, Mr. Grouch.

We rented a house we never saw because it was cheap.

I'm sorry I'm not rich so I can spoil you rotten

like your other friends.

Now, just sit back and try to relax

and enjoy yourself.

( upbeat theme playing )

Well, here we are.

I could barf.

I'll say this for you, kid, you're consistent.

Isn't it time you learned to smile?

Let's face it, Mom,

I got a pretty rotten life so far.

( car door slams )

So far your life is shot.

Here you are, sweetheart. Thank you.

There we are.

Wanna take a bag, son, please?

Yes.

The real estate man said

the key would be under the doormat.

Under the doormat? Hmm.

There's no key here, sweetheart.

Hey. It's open.

Happy holiday.

Hey, this is not bad at all, is it?

I like it.

( screaming )

You scared me.

We scared you? Look, lady--

I heard screaming.

Ugh! Oh!

Your back.

It's all right, sweetheart.

It'll be all right in a minute.

Keep it straight, though. Yeah.

Good.

( sighs )

I wasn't expecting you folks till later.

Who are you?

Miss Tritt. I'm the cleaning woman.

Have you ever tried using a broom?

( laughing )

Look, lady.

I didn't know exactly when you were coming.

It's getting dark outside, and this house, you know--

Or do you?

Besides, a girl all alone has to be careful.

Well, what do we owe you?

Oh, the real estate man paid me.

Well, nice meeting you, folks. Lots of luck.

Yeah. Our pleasure.

Well, you know, they may be reserved down here,

but they're all flippos.

( bicycle bell ringing )

( whistles )

They sure are. Yeah, they're flippos, huh?

It's not bad, huh?

What those New York antique dealers wouldn't do

to get their hands on some of this.

Huh? It's just old junk.

( chuckles )

I gotta say this for you, kid, you got a lot of class.

I'll put it down.

( scoffs )

Oh, boy.

Aha, now I know why you picked this crummy old barn.

So Uncle George could have a place to park

his fat old yacht in that cove.

Steve. That is not true and you know it.

He's too smart for that, Mom.

He knows you're just waiting for him to kick off

and leave you his loot.

Kid, don't say anything for the rest of the day.

STEVE: Will you buy me a car when I'm 16 next week?

No. I didn't ask to be born.

Well, you've asked for everything else.

One lousy car and I can't get it.

I mean, a big problem over a car.

( suspenseful theme playing )

Big deal. Everyone has a car.

Why can't they give me a car?

( suspenseful theme playing )

Sweet.

BEN: Kate, the kid's impossible.

Oh, well, he'll outgrow it. Yeah, but when?

Steve! Sorry.

That's all right, pal.

Couldn't have had a girl, huh?

Well, he must be a little excited.

Yeah.

Girls are so soft, so cuddly.

All right, why don't you talk to him?

All right. I will.

Mix me a pound of martinis and I'll talk to him.

Help! Help!

What happened to that kid?

Steve? Where are you?

STEVE: Mom! Dad! Help! Help!

Where are you, Steve?

Help! Quick!

Help!

( gasps )

BEN: Kid.

Watch yourself. Oh. Oh, hurry.

Okay. Hold on to something. Be careful.

I got him, I got him.

Hold yourself. Hold it.

Watch yourself. Watch it.

You all right? Yeah. Fine.

I'm fine.

What were you doing out there, huh?

What do you mean what was I doing?

I was looking out the window and some clown shoved me!

There's nobody here but us.

Oh, come on, Ma, you don't think I'm dumb en--?

What's the use?

Look, which one of these cells is mine?

We haven't even looked at the rooms.

I have. There's one right off the kitchen.

Is it okay if I take that one?

That sounds like a maid's room.

Don't you want something a little bigger?

What for? It's near the ice box

and it's got its own john.

That's a stranger walking down the stairs.

Oh, Ben.

I mean it.

That's a stranger that just walked downstairs.

I know he's our child.

We have a birth certificate to prove it.

And I love that kid. I love him.

But how do you get through to him?

Ben, you're exaggerating. I'm not exaggerating.

It's just that I don't understand him.

In fact, there's a lot I don't understand.

Twelve years on a job, you think you're doing great

and all of a sudden you get a vacation.

It's just not right.

And there's nowhere to turn.

After 18 years of marriage and there's nowhere to turn.

Oh, sweetheart, I didn't mean that. It's--

Of course I can turn to you. It's just that--

Well, I-- It seems the older I get,

the less I understand about Steve,

about my job and...

Well, it's a terrible thing.

All you need is a rest

and a little special attention.

My back.

And a little positive thinking.

( door creaking )

( wind gusting lightly )

( upbeat theme playing )

Oh, no.

What happened? What's going on?

All right, mister, that comes out of your allowance.

I didn't do it.

Who did? The invisible man upstairs?

Look, how am I supposed to know?

Maybe the joker who kept opening

that goofy old door did it.

That goofy old door is bolted.

I know. I bolted it.

Look, all I did, I looked around

and I went back into my dungeon.

And finding no food

you decided to punish us by breaking a window.

I didn't go near the crummy old window!

Only guilty people yell!

I'm innocent! I'm innocent!

All right, Mr. Dreyfus!

Now, clean up this mess.

Your mother and I are going to the market.

And while we're gone straighten up your room,

so it won't look like a pigsty.

Well, you haven't even been in my room yet.

How do you know--? Hey!

Now, will you listen to your mother, please?

Let's go.

He hates us.

He's a teenager. They hate everything.

( glass breaking )

( suspenseful theme playing )

( door creaking )

When he was a baby, he was so sweet.

He also used to throw up quite a bit.

Why can't we get through to him?

Let's face it, sweetheart, we've spawned a lemon.

(chuckles then grunts )

( ragtime piano music being played )

( upbeat theme playing )

( crashing and banging )

What's going on here?

( crashing, glass breaking )

( glass breaking )

STEVE: It's inconceivable.

How many cooks rented this mausoleum?

Lady, please,

what do you think you're doing?

( crashing and banging )

( gasps )

So that's the game, is it?

Give old Uncle George a heart attack

and get to the reading of the will?

Uncle George, I didn't know it was you.

I thought it was one of those other nuts.

Where's your mother and that smart-alecky magazine editor?

Well, they went into town shopping.

Why, those three lunatics just came in

and wrecked the joint. Come here. Look down here, boy.

That's a 55-foot diesel cabin cruiser.

STEVE: Hey, that's a boss-looking yacht, Uncle George.

You know how many toilet bowls I had to sell

to buy get that cruiser? Not really, no.

That baby down there's got all the modern gadgets going.

If I could find a woman with as many workable parts,

I'd marry her. Well, she sure is a beauty.

You gonna sue them? Huh?

The lunatics that wrecked the joint.

Oh, I didn't know you heard what I said.

Listen, son, when you're in my tax bracket,

you hear everything everybody says.

You get yourself an attorney.

Boy, Uncle George, you should have see them.

I mean, it was like the escape from the funny farm--

Never skimp on an attorney. Get yourself a real killer.

And if you can get an attorney who's also a CPA, grab him.

They're better than a bribe. Yes, sir.

What you gonna be when your brain's straightened out?

Well, I haven't thought much--

You'll be an attorney and a CPA.

Slide in on the gravy, grab them and squeeze.

Got that, boy? Squeeze. ( car door closing )

That your folks?

Shh.

UNCLE GEORGE: Surprise!

Uncle George!

I'll take this, Mom.

Oh, well, thank you, dear.

Hi, Dad.

Oh, we'll be eating shortly, Uncle George.

No, thank you. I wouldn't want to ruin your husband's appetite.

Now, what kind of talk is that?

We'd love to have you stay. Wouldn't we, dear?

If I say no will he disinherit you?

That's what I like about you, Ben.

You can't stand me, I can't stand you,

and it's all right out in the open.

Oh, let me take those.

Gee.

Oh, gee!

( Kate gasps )

Uh-- Anything else I can do, Dad?

Haven't you done enough?

Only guilty people yell.

Don't be too hard on the boy, Ben.

Do you know what this is gonna cost me?

Well, we'll make those three clowns pay.

Now who are you blaming?

Uncle George knows a great attorney CPA, he's a real--

Go to your room! It's not fair!

Can't you talk in a normal voice?

You wouldn't believe anything I said.

I'll have a chat with the boy. I've got a way with people.

Selling toilets doesn't make you a psychologist!

Uncle George is only trying to help, dear.

Ben, you're suffering from an anemic bank account.

Being an editor isn't the only business in the world.

If you want me to help, I know lots of people that count.

You think about that.

Oh, he does know a lot of people.

Well, I'm not gonna be rescued

by the king of E-Z Flush Incorporated.

Steve?

STEVE: Leave me alone.

( creaking )

( female voice moaning )

( upbeat theme playing )

( thudding )

( Uncle George groans )

You think we ought to pack up and go home?

And let a 15-year-old boy run our lives?

Yeah.

UNCLE GEORGE: Help! Help!

Help! What--?

UNCLE GEORGE: Let me out of here! Let me out!

( banging on door ) Uncle George!

You don't have to resort to violence

just because you don't want me to stay for dinner.

But Kate and I, we were in the living room

trying to straighten up.

Then who--? Who--? Who--?

I was in my room. I was playing my records.

And Uncle George pushed himself down the cellar stairs?

Okay, he's gonna-- Ben.

( door opens and slams )

We love him.

Why does he act this way? So unreasonable and impossible.

Well, a man gets to be 40,

he hasn't made it, he gets bitter,

you can't cope with-- I mean Steve.

Oh. Oh, well, I know how to handle him.

I'll invite him to sleep on the yacht tonight.

I'm afraid Steve would not enjoy--

Oh, yes, he would.

The front of the craft is called the bow,

the rear is called the stern.

The left is called the port, the right is called the starb--

( yawns )

The right is called the starboard.

Feeling a little sleepy, boy? Mm-hm.

That'll be all for tonight, Pederson.

( clears throat )

Yes, sir. Aye, sir.

If you don't stay on top of them, next thing you know,

they're calling you by your first name.

Then they wanna hit you up for a loan.

Boy, you sure do know a lot about stuff, Uncle George.

You bet your anchor I do.

And never forget, boy,

the magic word in this life is money.

And I mean money.

Captain Pederson.

( suspenseful theme playing )

Good night. Good night.

Sir. Aye.

He hates me.

This is your cabin. And remember, money.

Don't fall for any of that

"you can't take it with you" garbage.

Who knows? Maybe you can.

Good night. Good night.

( upbeat theme playing )

Oh. Thank you ver--

You!

Oh. Oh, no, you're one of those nuts.

Uncle George!

Uncle George! Uncle George! UNCLE GEORGE: What is it?

She's in there! Who? Who?

One of the three flippos that clobbered the antiques.

She's the young one who's built like--

On my ship?

All right, Pederson, open up!

( thudding and crashing )

Go get the ax. It's past the barometer

on the port side of the boatswain's chest.

Right. What'd you say?

It's the ax hanging by the television set.

Right.

There'll be no hanky-panky under my command.

( upbeat theme playing )

Oh, boy, another one. Uncle George!

The goofy-looking one with the crazy hair

just climbed aboard the boatswain's thingamajig.

Break this sex fiend's door down.

Right!

Steve?

Steve?

Steve? Steve.

Where'd she go? Ugh! Oh!

Who? The moose with the wild hair?

I was chopping down the door when she ran right by me

into the engine room.

I followed her, but she must have gotten--

You told me she went out deck.

Well, she was. Didn't you see her?

She ran right by here. I'm--

I didn't see anybody. Did you?

Well, Uncle George, I just told you I saw--

Now, listen here.

If this is another one of your fancy tales--

Uncle George--

( water running )

You open the seacocks and let the water in!

Me? Uncle George, I don't know a seacock from a seagull!

Yes, you do!

Lover boy and I showed them to you!

Uncle George, honest! I wouldn't do this!

Stop gabbing

and get overboard on the double!

We're sinking! We're sinking?

Look. Oh!

Where's the rowboat? Did you sink that too?

I haven't sunk anything!

Shut up and jump!

( upbeat theme playing )

My rowboat! Pederson, come back here!

Uncle George, just lean back.

Leave me alone, damn it, I'm a senior lifeguard!

( suspenseful theme playing )

( gurgling )

( romantic theme playing )

Well, that Steve really fixed my back.

What a bang he gave me with that door.

You'll feel better once you lie down.

( chuckles )

You don't think Steve would come in here

and knock me off my bed?

No, he wouldn't do that.

We're not gonna spend our first night here

talking about Steve.

Are we?

You're right.

Let's think about pleasant things.

You didn't forget to pack my wooden board

for under the mattress, did you?

You didn't.

How could you forget my wooden board?

I don't know.

I had so much to remember, I just forgot.

It's all right, sweetheart.

I'll sleep on the floor.

( groans)

Oh. What happened?

I don't know, but you'd better get used

to keeping company with a short man.

Oh, here, let me help you. Oh.

Here. Hang on to the dresser and I'll straighten--

Where's the dresser? The dre-- Straight ahead

Straight ahead. The dresser. Straighten-- Yeah.

Easy. Easy. Oh, boy. Yeah.

Okay. Oh, my. Watch it now.

Now, hang on. Yeah, I'm hanging on.

Oh, would a drink help?

It wouldn't hurt? Wouldn't hurt.

Right. Yeah, okay.

Okay, now. One, two--

Sweetheart, don't tell me when it's coming.

It'll hurt less.

Just do it, right? Okay.

Ugh. ( screams )

Did I break anything? No, no. I'm fine.

Are you okay? I'm fine.

Oh.

Just as good as old.

( both laugh )

Now, just back me up to my mattress.

Yes.

Straight back. Yeah.

Straight. Don't bend me now.

No, I'm not bending you. Don't let me bend.

No, no. I think I'm bending.

No, you're not bending. You're bending me.

I'm not bending you.

Then the room is bending. No, I'm all right.

That's fine.

There. There we are.

There we are. Fine.

Yeah.

Sweetheart, what are you doing?

A good doctor always works close

to her patient.

But, sweetheart, my back.

Hush. I'll charge you for a house call.

( doorbell ringing )

Did you hear that?

Was that the doorbell?

Yeah, that was the doorbell.

( doorbell rings )

I've been expecting it.

Expecting what?

Telegram.

From who?

My boss.

Why would he send you a telegram?

That's the way they fire you today.

He may even sing it.

( doorbell ringing continuous )

Oh, boy.

Ben, why must you always be so pessimistic?

Okay, I'm not getting fired.

I'm being summoned to the U.N.

You're really anxious to get your grubby hands

on my money, aren't you?

Next time, hire a professional to do your dirty work.

What happened?

Steve!

He sunk my yacht.

You sunk-- I didn't!

But take it out of my allowance anyway.

What--?

Operator, who do I call to get my damn yacht raised?

( upbeat theme playing )

( suspenseful theme playing )

Steve, breakfast.

Oh, I don't wanna eat. Ever.

Now, look, Steve. You gotta come--

Oh, please. I might as well live in a public restroom

for all the privacy I have around here.

All right, Steve. Maybe some other time.

I just thought maybe you'd like to talk about your car.

Oh, come on, Dad, sit down.

Get comfortable. Want a pillow?

Oh, yeah. Good.

Now, you've been saving up for a car, right?

That's right, for a whole year.

How much you got saved up? Twelve bucks.

Twelve dollars.

Well, Steve, you're gonna need at least $300 for a car.

Oh, a lot more than that, Dad.

I mean, these new sports cars really cost.

What are you talking new? What new car?

Look, you can't afford a new car.

But, Dad, neither can you, but you drive one.

I'm too poor to drive an old car.

Besides, every time I ,get behind that wheel

the guy in the bank is in the back seat.

Yeah, but, Dad, you just can't get a new car

for $300 today.

Why don't you try? I'd like one with a motor.

All right, look.

Your mother and I decided last night

that if you get a job, whatever you make each week,

I'll match it.

Hey, that's great, Dad. I'll start looking today.

The sooner I connect, the sooner that green stuff will come in.

A deal? A deal.

You got it. Okay.

Now, have breakfast. Okay.

( phone rings )

Hello?

Oh, hold on just a second, please.

Uncle George.

There's a Mr. Dorple on the phone.

Salvage man.

Where do you buy your clothes? From the kiddie shop?

Next time I'm fitted,

I'll give the tailor your measurements.

Where the hell are you?

Now, don't worry, Mr. Merkimmer.

We'll have that yacht raised for you in no time.

Now, remember, Steve,

even if they turn you down for the job

always act polite. Yes, sir.

Just make up your mind you're gonna get the job, boy,

you'll get it. Yes, sir.

Some jobs certain people aren't suited to,

so don't walk in expecting to be hired off

right like that. No, sir.

It's all out there waiting for you, boy,

just reach out and grab it. Yes, sir.

I gave you a lift to buy some clothes,

not to give my son advice.

Nobody makes it big by being a defeatist.

Take away your high-priced lawyers

and your shifty accountants,

you'd be in a prison cell right now. Remember that.

Yes, sir. If I was in a prison cell,

you can bet your afterdeck,

it'd be the fanciest room they've got.

Remember that. Yes, sir.

Gee, thanks for the swell advice.

BEN: Your after what?

UNCLE GEORGE: My afterdeck. BEN: Your poop deck.

( upbeat theme playing )

Good morning, sir. Good morning.

I'm a very polite fellow and I was looking for a job.

Sorry, I'm not one of them bigshot chain stores

who can throw money around.

Oh, but, sir, I'm a good worker.

I'm diligent, kind, trustworthy.

Hi.

Hi.

My name's Priscilla. Isn't that a gas?

Priscilla Weems.

I'm Steve Pow--

Hey, you're the--

Not really, but I do look just like her.

Like who? Jenny.

She used to be the maid in the house that you're renting.

Well, she's sure a crummy maid

the way she goes around wrecking antiques.

She's a ghost. And sinking yachts with the--

What'd you say? Jenny's a ghost,

and so are Ebenezer and Felicity.

They died in 1898.

My family's related to Jenny.

She never bothered to get married,

but there's a long family tree

that suggests she was very busy.

I guess it was overactive glands.

Anyway, my parents don't like to mention it too often

because Jenny not being married,

well, that makes them all-- Look, Priscilla,

you're talking to a guy

who is thinking of buying a new car.

So don't give me any of that ghost goulash.

Well, why don't we discuss it over a strawberry sundae?

Well, I'm slightly embarrassed at the moment, wallet-wise.

But as soon as I land a job I'd love--

Well, if you're looking for a job,

drop in at Mother's Bar down the street.

You mean your mother runs a saloon?

Don't be gauche.

And after you get paid, look me up.

I hold séances for the unbelievers.

A new car. Hmm.

Bye.

Bye.

Sir. Huh? Yes?

How do I get to Mother's Bar?

Young man, just because there's no job,

there's no reason to turn to drink.

( upbeat theme playing )

Sheesh.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

FESS: All right, drink up, will you fellas?

Raising that yacht's gonna be a whole day's job.

Soon as we've killed our beers, Fess.

Them beers will die of old age

before these two get off their duffs.

There ain't no ghost, you boob.

Mother, will you make her shut her yap?

I've had a request for you to shut your yap.

The Constitution guarantees freedom of speech.

Anybody thinks different is welcome to step outside.

Your move.

I know her type.

You hit them once, and you got a lawsuit on your hands.

Gloria, are you saying Booper and me are afraid

to go below Twitchell cove?

Don't be so sensitive, Rabbit.

Being yellow is a sign of brains.

Are you gonna make her shut up?

I've heard from that party again

concerning your big mouth.

Ghosts. Ha!

How come Millie Stemhouse went crazy at the Twitchell place?

Because Millie Stemhouse was crazy the day she was born.

Not as crazy as she was after she worked there.

And how come Jeb Hardwick up and died right on the front step?

Because his horse up and reared him through him,

that's why. Yeah?

Well, something made that lame-lazy old nag

up and rear like a ballerina.

Wasn't nothing human.

Neither are you.

( laughs )

Come on, boys.

There's death lurking in that house,

in the cove and all around it.

Listen, did you all by your ugly self

ever lay eyes on one of them ghosts face to face,

you lying, soused-up hunk of know-nothing.

No.

But one of them touched me.

( dramatic theme playing )

I was cleaning up the kitchen,

that's where they got that cellar door.

And all of a sudden I feel a chill

like them Eskimos must feel when they keep the window open.

And then it happened.

I hear this creaky sound.

I look around, the cellar door is open.

I close it, I go back to cleaning,

here it comes again,

Creak.

I go over to the door,

now there's a cold wind blowing up from the cellar,

like only the devil's icebox could make.

I look around, nobody but me.

I start to close the door and I smell something.

Smoke.

It's a real funny kind of smell.

All of a sudden my bones freeze.

I wanna move, but my feet ain't listening.

And then I feel something that's all over me

like a shroud.

I can't breathe, I'm so scared.

I close the door.

Somehow I turn around,

nobody there.

But I know there is.

I turn around again,

that cellar door is open.

Who opened it?

I wonder how many people have died in that house

that nobody knows about.

Get yourself another boy.

Get two.

What?

Where am I gonna get somebody the last minute

to go down below?

Hi, anybody know where a fella can get a job around here?

Come here, son.

( chuckles )

( upbeat theme playing )

( wind whistling )

I just got that same cold feeling I had

when that cellar door opened.

What do you mean there's nothing down there but the anchor?

Get back under and find that yacht.

Yes, sir.

The salvage crew is already working

down below the cove, Uncle George.

Well, where'd you get the jacket, dear?

Just happened to catch my eye, so I snapped it up.

You only bought it to show off

because I offered to pay for it.

They overcharged him.

Look, if I wanna buy a jacket and spend money,

that's my business. He's loaded with hostility.

You let me buy you those trousers, didn't you?

Only because you split the seams on my others.

All that high living has gone to your afterdeck.

( upbeat theme playing )

It's not there, sir. Yeah, I know.

You already told me that it's not there.

I don't mean the yacht, I mean the anchor.

The anchor's not there. Wait a minute.

You mean to tell me that the anchor

you just saw down there a minute ago,

it's not there anymore? That's right.

Look, kid. I got a surprise for you.

All the anchors I know don't know how to swim.

Now, get back down there,

find that yacht and be quick about it.

Yes, Dad. Uh, sir.

What's the matter? You still mad

because they won't let you split my skull with your ax?

You must have a lot of kids. No.

So far we've only been blessed with one.

Hope you got a good photograph of the boy

because he ain't gonna look the same

after they drag this cove for him.

You mean Steve?

My son?

My son Steve is--

Steve! Steve!

( upbeat theme playing )

Steve.

Steve, you all right?

How could they let a little boy do such a dangerous thing?

Steve, I've known you to do

some stupid things in your life,

but, boy, your really topped yourself this time.

Dad, you told me to get a job and that's what I did.

I got a job. Yeah.

Get yourself another moron.

Well, who's gonna do it? You!

Oh. Oh, yeah.

Give me a hand. Give me a hand!

You had to take a job, huh?

I'm sorry.

Where do you sit on this boat?

Just sit down. Get back there.

You're on the wrong side. Get in the back.

Fess is down there with no oxygen tank.

Oh, old Fess can handle himself okay.

Dad, look, when I asked for a job, I was polite.

Just like you said.

Don't talk to me for the rest of the summer.

( dramatic theme playing )

Dad. I said don't talk to me.

Yes, sir. I just thought you'd like to know

the rowboat is leaking.

Start bailing.

Put your finger in it. Something.

( grunting )

Welcome home, Fess.

I was down there and it was freezing.

And here comes that anchoress swimming towards me.

All by itself.

All by itself?

I'm going to Boston and buy another yacht.

The insurance company can worry about that one.

Who owns the truck?

It's mine. Here, help me up.

You can have it for $2000,

and I'll throw in the rest of my business

for another 6.

I'll give you 3 for the whole caboodle.

Three? I'll take it.

STEVE: Say, Uncle George,

can I go to Boston with you? I'd love--

You're going straight to your room.

And no detours.

Ben. Oh, it's okay.

Well, you see, sweetheart, a cheap jacket,

the water would run right off. But this?

This holds the water good.

See? This will never dry out.

Now, do you believe me? I can prove there are ghosts.

Meet me at the cemetery tonight.

Priscilla there are no ghosts--

Chicken.

You're on. Okay.

Now be in the cemetery tonight--

I know, 12 midnight.

That's only in books. See you at 8.

After the ghosts have had dinner.

( upbeat theme playing )

Hi. Hi.

Did I scare you? Oh, of course not.

Well, I'm here. Make with the ghosts?

Well, you've gotta stand behind their graves.

( laughing ): Oh, now, come on.

I mean, shouldn't a coyote be howling or something?

( laughing )

( gasps)

( giggles)

Who's he? Miles Thorpe.

Oh, what's he doing here?

His parents think he's in bed. I'm his babysitter.

( giggles)

I suppose you see ghosts too, huh?

All the time.

When Mommy and Daddy come back from the movies

and come in to see if I'm sleeping okay,

I tell them about going to the cemetery

and seeing all the ghosts and everything.

Sure you do.

He does. They just don't believe him.

Parents never believe little boys.

Okay, Miles, dear, I'm ready.

Gotta get behind the grave.

This is for you. Thank you.

And this is for you.

And this is for me.

Felicity loves Ebenezer.

( laughing )

Throw a daisy.

Ebenezer loves Jenny.

( laughing )

Love is for two.

Three is too many.

( laughing )

Come out of your graves

and into the night.

Come to our séance.

and tell us your plight.

( laughing )

Jenny, are you there?

Well, if she is, then leave a message

with her answering service.

( banging )

Hey, what's the--? Shh.

Jenny.

Jenny, Steve Powell is with us and--

Jenny's got her eye on you. Oh.

Oh, hello, Felicity, how are you?

Oh, well that's ve-- Jenny, would you--?

Please do not interrupt. It's Felicity's turn.

Steve's not even 16 yet.

Sorry, Felicity, go on.

I see.

Well, hold on, I'll ask him.

Felicity says that if you buy

some of the things she wants, she'll lay off.

What sort of things?

Felicity, speak slowly.

Silk hose, size 10 and a half.

A new sheer night gown with flowers on it.

Bright red Tujour lipstick.

Ooh La La perfume number 3.

Kiss Me Quick nail polish.

And high-gloss lacquer deodorant spray

with a five-day guarantee.

Thank you, Felicity. Good night.

Now, all you have to do-- Oh, I get it.

It's the old badger game.

Adios, strange one. No fool like a young one.

Oh, go fly a broom.

If Felicity heard you, you'll really get it now.

( dramatic theme playing )

( popping ) ( gasps )

You.

You're one of the--

And Priscilla told me you were a ghost.

Well, you sure don't look--

( upbeat theme playing )

Sweetheart, that's a first.

What is?

We sent Steve to his room after dinner,

we haven't heard a peep out of him since.

Well, to our new Steve. To our new Steve.

( yacht horn blaring )

That must be Uncle George with his new yacht.

( yacht horn blaring )

He seems eager to come to shore.

Well, he can't wait to brag to me

how he made the insurance company crawl.

Now, Ben, you mustn't resent Uncle George.

He tries very hard.

To Uncle George.

( upbeat theme playing )

Oh, okay, so you're a ghost.

I believe. I believe.

( glass breaking )

Knock it off, will you? I'm a friend of Miles!

( objects banging and crashing )

Why don't you hang out at the graveyard

where you belong?

( doorbell rings )

Guess what happened to my brand-new yacht?

You don't mean it--

And the undertow capsized my rowboat.

Gee, that's too bad.

( chuckling )

You'll probably get a new rowboat

with tomorrow's yacht.

( snickers )

STEVE: Help!

What the hell is that?

I'm gonna tell you the truth.

You better tell us or-- Ben, let him talk.

I'm gonna tell you exactly what happened

to Uncle George's yacht.

Two yachts. We're waiting.

Yes, sir, I know just who wrecked the yachts

and this furniture and the house

and who knows what they're gonna do next.

Well, tell us. Who is--? Let the boy talk.

He said he's gonna tell the truth.

That's right, Steve. Tell the truth.

The truth is always the best way.

All right. Now who is responsible for all this?

Ghosts.

Ghosts?

There was a lady ghost here a minute ago.

A lady ghost?

They come in all sizes.

All kinds of sizes, ladies.

STEVE: Real bodies.

Real bodies.

Ectoplasm.

Ectoplasm.

With puffs of smoke.

Puffs of smoke.

( upbeat theme playing )

Ever been any insanity in your family?

( scoffs )

Why, look--

You think maybe-- No, no, no.

Pardon me? Yes?

I wonder if you have any books from the--

Oh. Yes, yes, of course. Ghosts up your chimney?

Poltergeist. That's German. It means noisy ghost.

Well, how did you know what kind of books I'm--?

You're Mr. Powell, aren't you? Yes, ma'am.

Well, most people usually come here a few minutes

after they've arrived at Twitchell house, and a--

So I like to keep the stack ready.

Of course some people just get into their car

and it'sarrivederci.

( laughing ): Yeah.

Have they done much damage yet? Who?

The ghosts. Look, Miss--

Weems. Carol Weems.

I'm unmarried.

Well, congratulations. I mean--

You're an attractive man, and with Jenny so eager

and Felicity so deprived,

well, ghost or not, they're still female.

If you know what I mean. I don't know what you mean.

I mean, I do know what you mean, but I don't believe in ghosts.

Men walk around in space

with plastic umbilical cords in their navels.

What's a ghost compared to that?

Look, miss, there's a big difference

between a ghost and a man with a plastic navel.

Don't be afraid to believe in ghosts, Mr. Powell.

I'm not afraid to believe in anything.

I didn't intend to put you on the defensive.

If you just take these books

and go over to one of those tables over there

and just glance through them. Thank you.

And when you're finished with those,

I'll give you another batch. You mean there's more?

Thank you.

Ghosts up your chimney?

Mr. Powell, isn't Steve with you?

Huh?

It's my older sister, Carol.

She'll probably wind up marrying an encyclopedia.

I expected Steve to be with you.

Well, he promised to be with me, yes.

Okay, bye.

Hi. I was waiting for you.

Oh? How come?

Felicity told me that you and your father

were driving to the library. She's got a big mouth.

Yeah. Well, Dad agreed to read up on ghosts

but frankly, I don't think it'll help.

My parents never accept anything that I say.

I know. But they're all the same. What can we do with them?

We're stuck with them. Yeah.

Priscilla, how do I get my folks to believe?

I don't know, but they better latch on soon

or something might happen. You mean they're in danger?

Jenny drowned Captain Pederson. I think she liked him.

But what have the ghosts got against my father and mother?

Ghosts are only dead people.

A psychopath is a psychopath, in or out of the coffin.

I certainly don't want anything to happen to my parents.

Spooks, poltergeists.

Flying objects? Because it's 6

I'll have the other books ready for you when you return.

Well, I'm not about-- I've converted others.

Well, I'm afraid-- All you need is an open mind.

The right frame of mind

is so important for so many things.

Don't you agree?

( dramatic theme playing )

Steve?

Mother, I'll have a dietetic anything.

( jazz music playing )

Beer.

Beat it, kid.

Kid? Anybody who sees ghosts is no longer a kid.

You've seen them, I can tell.

You're aging right before my eyes.

Give him his beer, Mother. He's an old man.

Look, I can get into trouble if--

If your kids saw ghosts,

wouldn't you help them out, you big slob?

For the legal record, how old are you, sir?

Forty-two.

If your folks could see a ghost,

then they'd know they're in danger

and they'd get out.

Would Felicity come to a party at my house

if I invited her?

Only if there are men of the sea there.

She's got this thing about sailors

because of Ebenezer.

Well, that's it then.

I'll have my folks throw

a surprise masquerade party for my birthday.

Real heavy on the sea costumes. Brilliant.

And it would be very diplomatic if I could tell Felicity

that you're going to buy her all those little items

that she asked for. It's a deal.

Are you out of your mind?

I'm making a citizen's arrest right here.

But he said he was 42.

He said he's 42? I'm his father.

I'm not 42.

Well, I've got witnesses.

Gotta go, Priscilla. You bet you've gotta go.

Come on. Serving a minor.

( door creaking open, wind howling )

( suspenseful theme playing )

( gasps )

I didn't mean to frighten you. ( sighs )

This silly ghost talk of Steve's

has me right on the edge.

I just wanted to know if I could call a long distance to Boston.

Oh, of course you may, my dear.

Mom. Hey, Mom.

Mom, you're throwing me a surprise masquerade party

for my birthday.

And I want everybody to wear sailor outfits.

I mean, real Treasure Island stuff, okay?

Well, if that's what you want, Steve.

And invite all of your friends from New York.

Especially bachelors.

Oh, you mean bachelors your age?

No, no, no. I mean real bachelors.

Guys with that look in their eyes, you know.

But Steve, I-- Kate, what's the difference?

The main thing is Steve's gonna start

to cooperate with us,

and we can start enjoying our summer, right?

Right. I'll be back in a few minutes.

Oh, but lunch is almost ready. Oh, no, no.

I've gotta go pick some daisies. Bye.

Pick some daisies? Masquerade party?

Isn't he acting strangely?

With him, how can you tell?

Well, did you learn anything at the library?

Yeah. I learned one thing.

There ain't no such thing as ghosts.

Oh.

And from now on, no more cooking in.

From now on, we're eating out.

Well, it's nice to see you in such a good mood.

How about I mix us a couple of drinks?

Mm-hm.

Hey, got a great idea.

Let's invite my boss to the party.

I'll let him fire me face-to-face.

Then I'll shove him off the cliff.

( chuckling )

Yeah? You insurance boys are all the same.

You like to pull it in, but you hate to shell out.

Yeah, I know about that.

That Steve's a changed boy.

Now don't tell me. I'm telling you.

And if you come to the party, Felicity dear,

Steve will buy you those feminine items

that you wanted.

Gift wrapped.

Don't give me any of that bourgeois, sonny.

You pay somebody's claim then you turn around

and raise somebody else's rates.

So two yachts sank in two days.

Is it my fault that the ship builders

are building boats out of soda crackers today?

Kate, were you in the living room?

When? Never mind.

I have to go back into town.

Well, what about lunch?

I forgot something.

You threatening me, sonny?

I'll buy your whole company and--

Yeah, the same to you, sonny.

Yeah? And so is your old man.

And earrings that sparkle.

And five-day deodorant.

( upbeat theme playing )

( car horn honking ) ( tires screeching )

I think I'll buy me an insurance company.

Those guys got it made.

( laughs )

Lunch will be ready in just a minute.

Well, just holler.

I'm going out to my truck to get that guarantee

for yesterday's yacht.

( suspenseful theme playing )

( door creaking, wind humming )

( wind humming )

( female voice moaning )

( gasps )

( gasps )

( moaning )

( swooshing )

( screaming )

Kate!

Fill her up, Mother.

Have one yourself. You need it.

( dramatic theme playing )

( chuckles )

I told you about the Twitchell house, didn't I?

There will never be peace in that house

until Felicity finds a man.

Thus freeing Jenny and Ebenezer.

Don't fight it, Ben.

Accept the inevitable.

I hope these local quacks went to regular medical school.

And just didn't phone in

for some cockamamy certificate.

What I can't figure out is where that tunnel leads to.

Probably the cove.

Well, where did all that colored smoke come from?

Sunshine playing tricks with the dust down there.

And the lights went out

because the wiring in that museum

is as antiquated as privies.

All right. How did the door close by itself?

Drafty cellar.

Kate, one thing I've learned in life:

Everything has an answer.

And if it hasn't, you can buy one.

I suppose. But what about the knife?

Yes. You dig deep enough,

you find reasons for everything.

( mysterious theme playing )

Adultery? What makes you say a thing like adultery?

Well, you see, a long time ago, this Felicity dame--

I mean, she was a real dog, you know.

Well, anyway, on her honeymoon, this Ebenezer cat went--

Now, Steve. I called you in here for a very important talk.

You know, man-to-man stuff.

Yeah, but gee, Dad, we learned all about that stuff in school,

so you don't have to bother-- Steve.

Look, let's pretend like I'm not your father.

Say, I'm a complete stranger.

Somebody that you listen to.

That's called sarcasm, isn't it, Dad?

That's right. That's sarcasm.

Now, I think I saw something in that mirror today.

Dad, you believe! I said I think.

Now, I don't wanna say anything about this to your mother

because I don't wanna frighten her.

We won't tell her about my inviting the ghosts.

Good, don't tell her about inviting any g--

What did you say?

Well, gee, Dad. I invited this frustrated virgin ghost

Felicity to the party so you could see her.

Steve, how do you invite a ghost anywhere?

Well, you see, Priscilla tunes them in at the graves.

And then throw daisies all around.

Then she chants and we all-- Steve, never mind.

You just point out this Felicity,

this virgin ghost,

you point her out to me at the party.

And if I see her, I promise you we'll leave here

quicker than my boss could fire me.

Groovy.

You didn't hear what I said.

Fire me. Never mind.

Here, let me help you. You'll be all right.

BEN: What happened? STEVE: Are you okay, Mom?

Yes, I'm all right, dear. I just bumped my head.

She fell in the cellar.

Did you take her to a doctor?

Well, somebody had to. I'm sorry

I couldn't be there to help you, sweetheart.

Oh, that's all right. You were probably busy in town.

Tonight we'll find the best restaurant.

I don't feel like going out tonight, thank you.

Kate. I'm really worried about your head.

I think my head is just beginning to clear.

Is anything wrong?

( phone rings )

I'll get it.

( phone ringing )

Hello?

Oh, hello, Carol.

( chuckles )

Priscilla told me

that your son invited Felicity to his party.

Yes, and I'd like that to be our little secret.

And that discussion at Mother's helped me

make up my mind about quite a few things.

Oh, and I'd feel better if you'd come to the party.

I think that's very wise

because I know what Felicity looks like

and I can point her out to you.

Oh, you understand that my wife

is to know nothing about this?

Thank you. Bye.

( upbeat theme playing )

( doorknob rattling )

Kate? Kate.

I'm resting.

That's a good idea. Do you have anything to read?

I could always run back to the library?

That won't be necessary.

High-gloss lacquer deodorant spray?

It has a five-day guarantee, right?

It certainly does. It takes five days

and a pint of turpentine to scrape it off.

We haven't carried it for years.

Oh.

I'm told it was an immediate failure

until the farmers started buying it

to spray livestock.

Well, I'll have that nifty-looking one

over there instead, okay?

Oh, and some bright red Tujour lipstick,

Ooh La La perfume number 3.

and Kiss Me Quick nail polish.

Those items are so ancient,

I didn't think anyone under 90 remembered them.

Who are they for?

Well, you might say they're for an old-fashioned girl.

He bought all that?

Yeah, yeah, it's all right to charge it.

Is this sheer enough?

Is this the sexiest number you've got?

Just a moment please. I think I better have

one of our younger salespeople help you.

Operator, I wanna speak person to person

to the psychologist at E-Z Flush Incorporated

in Dubuque.

No, I don't know his name.

Just ask for the house headshrinker.

Hmm.

All right, Mr. Himer.

You won't be needing that that any longer.

There we are.

Uh-huh.

Mr. Himer, when you were a child,

you used to carry a blanket with you around the house.

You didn't?

Mm-hm.

Well, did you ever, uh--?

( phone ringing )

I'll be right back.

Hmm. Right.

Dr. Frieden speaking. May I please call you back?

Mr. Merkimmer who owns the, uh--?

Ah, yes, yes, yes. Please put him on.

Mr. Merkimmer. I never had the pleasure of--

UNCLE GEORGE ( over phone ): Shut up and listen.

Ah-ha.

What would you make of a boy going on 16

that buys lipstick and nail polish

and perfume and night gowns?

Well, sir, is he buying these feminine items

for a young lady or for himself?

Just between you and me, that's what I wanna find out.

Any particular shade of nail polish?

( upbeat theme playing )

Don't look too surprised.

There are about seven of us so far.

( laughs )

I'm Mr. Frieden. Oh.

Mr. Merkimmer invited me.

Well, any friend of Uncle George is--

I know. Is a friend of yours.

Not necessarily. Come on in.

Right. Thanks.

Uncle George, your friend.

How do you do?

Mr. Frieden from Dubuque.

Oh, hello, Leon. How are you?

My name isn't Leon. Shut up.

That's the boy over there.

Ah-ha.

Don't let him know who you are

or you can forget about your old-age pension, Leon.

Uh-huh.

Steve, did you see anything?

No, no, not yet, Dad.

Look, when I point out Felicity to you, don't get scared,

because, you know, she's just an--

Oh, Mr. Frieden.

This is Steve, the birthday boy.

How do you do? Steve.

Mr. Frieden is a friend of Uncle George.

Oh. I-- You have to excuse me now.

I want to see what's keeping your mother.

Oh, yeah. Ahem.

Well, happy birthday. Thank you.

I'm sorry, I didn't bring you a present.

Oh, well, that's okay.

Who wants presents on their birthday, anyway?

Steve, I intend to send you a gift.

Are you partial to anything in particular?

Well, like what?

Well, what sort of thing appeal to you?

Footballs? Yeah.

Basketballs?

Perfume?

Nail polish?

Boy, I didn't know Uncle George knew any guys like you.

( dramatic theme playing )

Kate, you look absolutely beautiful.

So do you.

Kate, is there anything wrong? I mean, you've been so--

( doorbell rings )

Excuse me.

Carol. Come on in. Gosh, you're dressed--

Just like my wife.

She took a nasty fall recently.

But come on in and keep an eye out for you-know-what.

Jenny, will you give back my hat?

I'll get it.

( upbeat theme playing )

( doorbell rings )

Well, you sure do look swell, Priscilla.

Well, come on, I've gotta show you the presents site

I got for Felicity.

Well, I just hope Felicity likes all this stuff.

Here's the deodorant.

It's not what she wanted, but it's pretty good.

Stockings, more stockings,

perfume, lipstick, um--

Here's the negli-- Negli--

Priscilla. No, no, Priscilla.

Look, you know, I'm 16 today, Priscilla.

And you're just not fooling around

with a kid or anything, you know?

Priscilla.

Priscilla.

Priscilla, you shouldn't.

Priscilla.

Priscilla. No.

Priscilla.

Priscilla.

Have you seen any ghosts yet?

Keep looking.

Have you seen Leon?

It's hard to recognize us pirates without a nametag.

You wanna see Leon? Yup.

Uncle George wants to see you, Leon.

Hey, Leon.

My name isn't Leon. It's--

Oh. Oh, Leon. Yeah. That's right.

Yes, Leon. Thank you, thank you.

Ah.

I understand you wanted to see me.

Is the boy gonna grow up to be a marine or a whack?

Well, I haven't had enough time to determine.

Listen here, sonny.

I flew you clear across the country to do a job.

Not to live it up.

Yes, sir. Yes, uh--

Yeah. Thanks, yes, sir.

Pardon me, could you tell me where young Steve is?

( wind whistling )

( doorbell ringing )

( whistling )

Happy birthday.

Hey, for me? Thanks, Miles.

Why don't you get yourself some junk to eat?

Okay.

Well, how did you change your costume so quickly?

You know, in my room, you were wearing the blue with--

You weren't in my room?

You--?

Well, then you and me, we--?

We didn't--?

Oh.

( gulps )

Happy birthday.

Thanks.

What's on your mind, sailor?

She's a ghost. Aren't you?

Kids. You never know what they're gonna say next.

( laughing )

Well, she is a ghost.

Keep your eye on her.

Dad.

Felicity's here.

Felicity? Where? Where?

Well, she's talking to Uncle George.

That's Mary Ambrosh, the hairdresser's wife.

Felicity just went through the front door.

Can I speak to your father a minute, please?

Look, you stay away from my father.

Excuse me.

May I talk to you man to man for a minute?

I just had the strangest experience.

There was this girl. Very attractive, blond type.

And we were behind the tree.

One minute she was there, and then suddenly--

Kate, it's a lovely birthday party.

You seem to be having a good time.

Oh, come on.

I have to speak to you. Leon, not now.

Keep Steve handy.

I have a little present for him.

I hope it's money.

You wouldn't have said that if you were sober.

It's up in my room.

You know what your Uncle George has been up to?

Tell her, Leon.

Mr. Merkimmer-- Never mind.

Where is he? He's "upshtairs."

And I know I said "shtairs."

Shtairs.

Oh, Carol, honey.

Have you read any good dirty books lately?

( Uncle George groaning )

Okay.

Take it easy.

I'll get you.

( groaning )

Wait a minute. Wait a minute, you--

Okay.

What happened?

I'm changing my will tomorrow.

You think I had anything to do with this?

You mean to tell me you didn't sneak up

and grab me from behind?

I strung you up and then I pulled you down?

Who knows what a sick mind is capable of doing?

Why don't you ask your Dr. Leon?

Yeah, that boy of yours.

Look, my wife and I will decide if Steve needs anything.

He's got more problems than you think.

You're the one with the problems.

Just because you're the head of E-Z Flush

doesn't make you the head of my family.

I warned Kate not to marry a loser.

What do you know about marriage,

you walking safety-deposit box?

You know so much about marriage,

why don't you get married yourself?

Well, because I-- Because you're afraid

they were after your piggy bank, not your sweet disposition.

Hmm.

Hey, I think maybe we didn't throw enough daisies?

Hi.

How are things in ghost land?

Gee, I hope you like the presents, ma'am.

That deodorant goop isn't exactly what you wanted,

but it's still pretty powerful.

Why are you in such a hurry?

Wouldn't you like to stay and listen to some records?

Go get my father, quick.

I wish you'd stay.

My parents are dying to meet you.

Mr. Powell, quick.

Felicity is in Steve's bedroom.

Tell your sister I wanna see her right away.

Okay.

Uh, see you later, sweetheart.

Mrs. Powell-- Oh, Carol.

Carol dear.

My husband wants you, you librarian.

( upbeat theme playing )

Hey, what do you think you're doing?

No, you've gotta wait for my dad to see you.

( creaking )

STEVE: No, please, wait!

Steve? STEVE: Don't come down, Mom!

KATE: Steve? STEVE: Look out, Ma.

She's got a cleaver!

KATE: Steve.

Kate. Kate, you all right?

STEVE: Dad, she's getting away!

My son talks to empty cellars.

And he throws meat cleavers at his mother.

Sweetheart, believe me,

you're taking all this too seriously.

Believe me-- Dad, will you please?

Making out at a time like this?

You and that sexy bookworm. Playing right--

What playing? There was nothing between us.

That was all that ghost business.

Believe me.

Sweetheart, I love only you.

I love you. Don't you understand that?

All you had to do was look.

I know you wouldn't see her. I just knew it.

Making out on the stairs.

( laughing )

Making out.

( both laughing )

Lovely evening for shopping?

May I?

Would you care to come for a walk?

Ah, that's right, honey.

I don't have a penny to my name.

But all the same--

( Uncle George screaming )

( glasses break )

Mr. Merkimmer, you just fell!

You're standing on nothing.

Ah!

(Screaming)

( romantic theme playing )

How did you like the party?

Everybody stayed late. Mmm.

( both laugh )

Hey, have you seen Uncle George anywhere?

No.

I said some pretty rough things to him.

You know, I think we'd all be happier

if we left this house tonight.

Mmm.

I think it would be better if we left in the morning.

Wouldn't hurt. Wouldn't hurt.

( truck engine starts )

Hey, that's Uncle George's truck.

Uncle George! Uncle George!

Gee, he left in a hurry.

( upbeat theme playing )

Steve, um, we were thinking

maybe you'd like to drive part of the way home?

But I haven't taken my driver's test yet.

Well, you've been telling us you know how to drive.

Why should you take my word for it all of a sudden?

You never believe anything I say.

Your mother and I,

we've had a lot on our minds lately and--

Well, you're 16 now. Practically a man.

I am sorry I yelled at you.

Steve, there's so much noise in the world today

sometimes a fella has to yell.

Just to be heard.

( upbeat theme playing )

Well, my boss didn't show up at the party.

So if he fires me, I think I'll quit.

( all laugh )

There are other jobs. Yeah.

What would we do if Mom inherited a barrel of dollars

from Uncle George?

You mean if he isn't changing his will at this minute?

I think the first thing we'd do is buy you a car, Steve.

And then we'd take a trip to Europe.

Hey, we could go to Ireland.

They're loaded with ghosts, you know.

Oh. Oh.

Hey, keep your eye on the road!

Oh. Sorry, Dad. I really am.

Uh, I didn't mean to raise my voice, Steve.

Forget it.

( Kreator's "Willing Spirit" playing )