Original subtitles

* If you're in peril

* Try not to scream *

* Hang on I'll save you

* My pretty Pauline *

** [instrumental]

Gosh.

[Pauline] Protect me. My name is Pauline.

Yes, Pauline. Always.

Nobody will get you away from me. Never ever.

** [instrumental]

Luther is an accountant, and he works at home a lot.

[woman] So what we want is a nice quiet baby. Yeah.

[Pauline crying]

** [instrumental]

Laverne used to teach at Arthur Murray's

and she always wanted a little girl

that she could train to be a dancer.

** [instrumental]

Huh!

Ah!

Pauline...

If you're looking for a well-behaved child

I can certainly recommend Pauline.

** [instrumental]

Oh, thank you.

Oh...

[bursts]

[man] She's neat, Ethel.

Perfect for our son Henry.

Deliver Pauline this afternoon.

** [dramatic]

** [dramatic]

There it is. Pull over.

[woman] How good of you to come, Mrs. Carruthers.

We've been waiting all morning.

[man] Hello, Mrs. Carruthers.

Did you have a nice trip?

It's nice of you to welcome us. Come, Pauline.

Well, how good to see you. Doesn't she look lovely?

Oh, this is the... Right up here, please.

That's the way to the house.

Watch your step, ladies. Where is Henry?

[crackers bursting]

[screaming]

Henry! Oh! Oh! Oh, my goodness! Oh!

[coughing]

I'm Henry.

Playful little fellow. Very inventive.

Are you Pauline?

Well, come on in. I've got a live rattlesnake.

Henry, go get Pauline's suitcase.

It's in the back.

Oh, I forgot my toothbrush.

Oh! George! Pauline! Pauline!

Stop that car! H-Henry!

Pauline! Stop it. Stop the car!

Henry. Pull the brakes!

Henry! Pauline! Pauline!

Jump out! Jump out!

[George] Pauline!

[honking]

** [instrumental]

Hey! Hold the brakes.

Oh-h!

[George] I'm coming, Pauline!

[honking]

[tires screeching]

Pauline, stop! It's a one-way street!

Oh!

[laughing]

[tires screeching]

* Where are you

* My pretty Pauline?

* I will search

* The world for Pauline

* By jet by steamboat

* By submarine

* This I do promise

* My pretty Pauline

* Where are you

* My pretty Pauline?

* Spain Morocco or Argentina?

* If you're in peril

* Try not to scream

* Hang on I'll save you

* My pretty Pauline

* Where are you

* My pretty Pauline?

* I love you

* My pretty Pauline *

Ah!

Wait! Pauline!

** [continues]

[train horn blows]

Oh! Jesus!

[honking]

[Pauline screaming]

[George] Pauline, jump!

Ohh!

Henry!

Hang on, Pauline.

Here I am, Pauline. George, help!

Get me down! I'll catch you. Slide off.

Aah!

Henry! Henry! Easy, boy. Well, it's alright, son.

Is he alright? Is he alright? Yeah, yeah, you just calm down, mother.

He'll be alright. Henry. Oh...

Darling, mother's here. Oh, Henry.

Oh, darling.

We, we don't want your girl!

She almost killed our Henry!

Oh, my darling!

I-i-it's alright. I'm sorry! Oh, my baby!

[man] Just calm down, mother, he'll be fine.

[mother] It's alright, pa, he's alright.

Who released that brake?

I-I did it, Mrs. Carruthers. Why?

I-I was just playing a little joke.

Go back to the foundling home, you evil boy

and pack your bag.

** [dramatic]

** [continues]

[Pauline] George!

Wait for me!

I'm going with you.

We'll go West on a motorcycle and pick oranges.

No, Pauline, you're too young.

But I look old with my hair up. I'll lie about my age.

Please, George!

For the last time, you're just a baby.

Stop being a... a pest.

Alright then, go! Who needs you?

I never loved you anyway! I never loved you at all!

Pauline. Look at me.

** [continues]

Remember the day we, we sneaked off, went to the park?

Saw the daffodils just coming up?

Oh, why can't you take me with you? I don't eat much.

Then, when we went back, they were all in bloom.

I won't eat anything.

That's the way it'll be with you.

Just grow up straight.

When you're at full bloom, I'll be back.

But that could take forever.

No, it won't. Before you know it,

you'll grow big, and I'll grow rich.

And then what, George?

We'll get married. Go on our honeymoon.

Oh... Where? London, Paris, the whole world.

Maybe even... Maybe even Venice.

Go!

I'll wait, George! I'll be a daffodil! I'll bloom!

* Dry your tears

* My pretty Pauline

* I'll be back

* My pretty Pauline

* I'll make millions

* You'll see what I mean *

* This I do promise

* My darling Pauline *

** [instrumental]

[gunshots]

Splendid! First-rate!

I'm bored. Let's shoot a guard.

Give me that.

I'm a royal prince, and you're not to touch me!

Yes, sir.

Your Highness, Your Highness, your new tutor has arrived.

Is she blonde and American?

How did you find her, Your Highness?

I saw her picture in the Orphan's Employment Journal.

So I saved up my allowance, and sent away for her.

Just a minute. What is this, boy?

I'm starting my own harem.

Here you are an innocent orphan, heir to Bazma to indulge in hanky-panky!

I shall certainly inform your father of this. Hmm.

You do, and I'll slice your ears off!

Be that as it may, I am Colonel William Sten Martin of the Royal Blues,

and I was not only hired to teach marksmanship,

but also to develop your moral character.

Haven't you got any morals?

I'm sick of morals!

Throw him over the wall, and send him into the jungle!

Just a minute. Take your hands off me!

You, you can't do this to me!

I gave up my position in the British Army!

I gave up a chance at a pension. A cottage in Devonshire.

Oh! Oh!

Tell the American blonde I'm ready to go to school.

** [instrumental]

Now, class, you might as well know that this is my first experience as a teacher.

So if I seem a little nervous, I know you'll bear with me.

And if I make any mistakes, I'm sure you'll forgive me.

[Pauline] We'll be studying physical education and deportment.

Let's start with deportment.

Are you engaged?

Why, yes, Your Highness. Since I was about your age.

His name is George.

Where is he?

He's looking for me. I'm sure he is.

I mean, where is he now?

I don't know.

Then you're engaged to me.

Well, thank you, Your Highness.

But I'm afraid my blood isn't royal enough.

Be engaged to me, or I'll chop your head off.

It's very bad manners to threaten your teacher with a scimitar.

I'm a prince, and you'll do as I say.

Oh, what we need is a better teacher-pupil relationship.

Exactly.

** [instrumental]

[roaring]

** [continues]

Dory, Fiery, get her!

[roaring]

** [continues]

Those are real sharks!

** [dramatic]

Now will you? Will I what?

Kiss me.

Certainly not.

Alright, I'll give you three.

One!

Two!

Why don't you scream? The others did.

What others? My other tutors.

It's more fun when they scream.

Screaming was never allowed at the Baskerville Foundling Home.

[man] Hold it! Hold it!

Get back.

Stop it!

What have you done? Who gave...

Mrs. Carruthers.

George Stedman.

Back after seven years.

What's going on here?

We're being demolished.

Where's Pauline? Gone like all the others.

Adopted? No, poor girl.

She was my only failure.

There was a jinx on her.

Worked out just as you planned, sir.

Plan? What plan?

To keep her at the orphanage until he could come back

and lay the riches of the world at her feet.

Sables, jewels, chocolates.

Then it was you who put the jinx on her.

I should have known.

Don't you understand? I loved her, Mrs. Carruthers.

I've always loved her.

He wrote her everyday for seven years.

And I tore them up.

But why?

I never told you this, George.

You may have inherited evil tendencies.

If he had, madame, he has overcome them.

He's made a fortune for her.

How big a fortune?

He's rented Venice

for their honeymoon.

The whole city? Including the canals.

Oh, and I thought it was only puppy love.

How blind I was.

Is she pretty, Mrs. Carruthers?

She's beautiful.

[Mrs. Carruthers] If you'd only come by two days ago, before she left for Africa.

Africa! Where in Africa?

Bazma. Tutoring a little 12-year-old prince

in deportment and physical education.

Not Prince Benji Alabiris.

His father and Mr. Stedman have a joint venture in oil.

She was promised the protection of the royal family.

Let's go, Thorpe. We'll take my jet.

That kid's the worst delinquent since Ivan The Terrible.

When they bite off your head it goes c-r-r-unch!

** [dramatic]

What are you doing playing with my sharks?

He's just mischievous, Your Majesty.

You'll have your harem when you are 18.

And not before.

Now, go to your suite.

Aah! You hurt my ear!

It's really my fault, Your Majesty.

You see I haven't been able to establish the proper teacher-pupil relationship.

He won't bother you again, or I'll cut off his hand.

Nothing can happen to you while I'm alive.

** [dramatic]

I'll drag you behind the racing camels.

And I'll have you squeezed by the royal python.

Oh, alright, you can have a harem! Take mine!

I don't want your old harem. I'm stuck on the teacher.

Benji! Benji! I'm your sire!

Doesn't that mean anything to you?

Oh!

Benji! Ow!

[sobbing]

** [instrumental]

** [instrumental]

Good morning, teacher.

Why was I bathed and oiled?

Why am I in this diaphanous knickers?

Why am I a prisoner? And where is your father?

He's taking a nap.

** [instrumental]

I'm sorry about the sharks.

I'm a bad boy.

Oh, but you're not hopeless.

There's no such thing as a bad boy.

A ruby carved like an apple!

An apple for my teacher.

Try it on.

** [continues]

That's the apple of Arabia.

As long as you wear it, we're married.

This is inexcusable, Your Highness. Shame on you!

Once and for all, I'm waiting for George.

But George isn't here.

And Benji is.

** [instrumental]

Now I have you.

Yes, you have, you handsome thing.

You've touched the strings of my heart.

You may kiss me on the cheek.

Ow!

I'll burn off your hair.

[Benji] I'll dye you green.

Get me out of this!

Your Excellency, Your Highness.

Quick, where did she go?

The royal garage, Your Highness.

To the royal garage!

[tires screeching]

[Benji] Go! Go!

Hurry! Hurry!

** [instrumental]

Faster. Faster.

Alright, New York, over and out.

Industrials up fractionally, rails steady, utilities nervous.

Thorpe, did I ever tell you

how I took her out to see the Statue of Liberty?

[Benji] Hurry! Hurry!

** [instrumental]

Oh, Your Highness.

[Benji] Have you seen an American girl?

A beautiful square blonde in diaphanous knickers?

[Benji] About 5'2"?

No, no, Your Highness.

She must be here. Search the whole place.

I'll take, uh, this one.

** [continues]

American girls bring a fortune in a Congo.

The market survey we made last year

disclosed a vacuum in the cement industry here in Bazma.

The local product is grainy and...

Never mind the local cement. Where's that little monster?

Mr. Stedman? Greetings.

Where is she? Where's Pauline?

Pauline?

Your new school teacher from America?

Oh, that Pauline.

She never got here. She fell off the boat.

Then what's this?

Where is she?

What have you done to her?

[thuds]

[groaning]

** [dramatic]

Wall me up, will you, you, you gangster!

[man] You're under house arrest.

And no harem till you're 35.

Ow! You hurt my nose.

Mr. Stedman. Greetings.

Now, how's our oil company doing in Wall Street?

Never mind Wall Street, produce Pauline at once

or you'll lose your oil, and your country.

Your Majesty, news of the American tutor.

[man] She's on her way to the Congo to be sold to Bamba

the-the white Pygmy chieftain

in exchange for his hoard of ivory.

I could draw up a writ of replevin

but who would sign it?

Forget that, we'll take the king's halftrack

to the Zambezi River, then on by canoe.

** [instrumental]

[telephone rings]

Residence of Mr. Willie Sten Martin.

Noted white hunter.

I'll see if he's in.

Telephone, bwana.

I'm having my dinner.

What is my dinner?

Nice zebra steak, fried in monkey fat.

Again?

Zebra, zebra, zebra.

Can't you cook anything else but zebra?

Sten Martin here.

This is Prince Benji.

Oh, yes, Your Highness.

I have a job for you.

I will pay you a princely fortune.

An American girl named Pauline is about to be sold to Bamba.

Get her and bring her back to me.

Yes. Yes, sir.

Get my muzzer, I'm going upriver.

** [instrumental]

[clamoring]

Uh, look, what you're getting.

She's a beautiful American blonde.

She's a hardworking orphan.

And she doesn't belong to the Peace Corps.

Okay, I make deal.

[claps]

You new queen, sit on throne.

Ah.

Oh, thank you very much

but, uh, I'm afraid I'm too big for it.

You see, I'm 34-22-34.

You drink then you'll be little like us.

17-11-17.

[speaking foreign language]

[clamor]

[growling]

[screams]

[screaming]

** [dramatic]

[gunshot]

[screaming]

[whistles]

No wonder the prince wanted you back.

You're 34-22-34.

Just right for short safari.

Benji will never see you again.

[chuckles]

Where am I?

You're on the great, great green greasy banks

of the Zambezi River.

Gosh. And who are you?

Willie Sten Martin, noted white hunter

at your service, my dear.

Well, I'm an American citizen looking for employment.

Can you take me to civilization?

[clamor]

White Pygmies? My canoe is just over the hills, quickly.

[clamor]

** [instrumental]

[trumpeting]

Why go looking for a job when you can stay here with me?

In my hunting lodge, below the Haiken river dam.

You'll love it.

Every night when the sun sets over the savannah

I'll bring you fresh meat, hearty beasty, rhino, zebra.

I love a nice sunset

but I don't believe I know how to cook a zebra.

Oh, you-you fry it in monkey fat.

And every night after dinner, we'll sit by the fire

and laugh along with the hyenas.

[Pauline] We used to laugh so much at the foundling home.

Sometimes we'd run out of oatmeal

and we'd just sit around and George would tell us

funny stories for dinner.

Poor, unhappy child.

You were a federal judge.

What are the marriage laws among these natives?

There is no divorce in the white Pygmy.

Dear Pauline, take the word

of a man of the world, he's abandoned you.

What worries me is

she must think I've abandoned her.

He'll find me no matter where I am.

Sometimes I feel he's just around the corner.

** [instrumental]

Anyway, we've passed the island.

Dangerous whirlpool ahead when the spillway of the dam is open.

Everything comes to those who wait.

Pauline, life is a jungle

why go through it a lonely school teacher?

Lonely? With so much to do in the world?

I'll get into something.

Urban renewal or the poverty program.

Maybe help the blind. I could be somebody's eyes.

No, no, Pauline, listen to me.

I have a confession to make.

I was to be paid a princely fortune

to return you to Benji

but I fell in love with you at first sight.

Marry me, Pauline.

Oh, thank you very much, Mr. Sten Martin

I appreciate the offer

but I'm engaged to George.

[growling]

Don't move and don't panic.

[growls]

Hippopotami?

Yes, maddened with hunger.

Keep still, I will shoot past your head.

[gunshot]

[growls]

Now, you listen to me. I want her back.

Do you hear? Back!

Girl in jungle with white hunter.

[drum beats]

Wait a minute.

Message coming in.

White hunter and girl, down river

attacked by hippos.

Shall I wire the doge to cancel Venice?

Negative. Back at the canoe.

I have one more shot left.

[gunshot]

Mr. Sten Martin, your eyes!

They're all black!

I can't see.

God, I can't see.

T-take over. Take over.

We're approaching white water.

Aim for the hydroelectric plant on the right.

I-I'll try and lower the water level.

** [instrumental]

[screeching]

** [instrumental]

Where are we now?

On the seventh floor of the New York Mercy Hospital.

Just down the hall from the chapel.

Pauline, I can't let you do this,

marry a blind man.

Well, you saved my life, Willie.

And you gave up a princely fortune.

It's the least I can do.

[man] What's the matter with him?

He almost drowned in the great, great green greasy Zambezi River.

His lungs are full of vicious African organisms.

Seventh floor.

** [instrumental]

And I now pronounce you man and...

Wait, you stepped over the soap.

You can see! You tricked me!

You're fake!

Well, I-I was blind, but unfortunately it got better.

You know what I think?

A man can be out in the jungle too long

and zebra cooked in monkey fat

could have something to do with it too.

That's right, it twisted my mind.

I understand you, Willie,

but I don't love you.

Marry me anyway, Pauline.

I'll do anything.

I'll really go blind.

Come, my son, I'll take you to the psychiatric ward

in the annex.

** [instrumental]

[Pauline] Mrs. Carruthers?

Pauline! Oh!

What are you doing scrubbing floors?

Why aren't you at the Baskerville Foundling Home?

It's a bowling alley now.

Oh, I could've stayed down as a pinsetter

but I'm not as agile as I used to be.

I know, the apple of Arabia.

It'll buy a new foundling home, if I can get it off my finger.

Stick it in that soapy bucket.

Isn't it wonderful, Mrs. Carruthers?

Something good comes out of everything.

Oh, Pauline, you are a sweet girl.

All the orphans will praise your name.

Oh, please, Mrs. Carruthers, couldn't we call it

the George Stedman Foundling Home?

** [dramatic]

Pauline, there's something I must tell you.

Two days after you left, George came back.

He did? Well, where is he? Where'd he go?

To find you. Just as you always hoped.

He's rented Venice for your honeymoon.

Venice?

** [continues]

George? George!

Oh, George. Is it really you?

Pauline.

You're so pale.

You're so, so beautiful.

Did I bloom, George?

Am I a daffodil?

A whole bouquet.

Now, we'll be together always, won't we?

Always, Pauline. Don't touch him.

He's full of vicious African organisms.

What're his chances? One in a million.

[Pauline] Does he know?

He was told when we came through customs.

It's almost spring, George.

It's just, it's just a common cold, Pauline.

They have wonderful wonder drugs now.

Of course, I-I'll be up and around in no time.

Then we'll go to Venice?

Yes, I'll, I'll buy the Piazza San Marco,

turn it into a playground for the children.

Oh, the tragedy of it all.

[sniffles]

We've waited so long, George.

A few more days won't matter.

Of course not, Pauline.

I'll see you in a little while.

Oh, oh, Pauline!

One in a million.

No, he's good and kind.

He'll be the one in a million.

Oh, George, I'll nurse you back to health.

You're kind and good, Pauline.

But first, I'll need some white shoes

a starchy white dress, and a...

If anything happens to me

you'll be the richest woman in the world.

I wonder if Gimbels is still open?

** [instrumental]

Pauline!

[splash]

Did you see that? Right into the sewer.

Where does it come out?

Somewhere in the dark Atlantic.

** [instrumental]

Stafford.

Yes, sir?

Break off a piece of that fresh seaweed.

Good for my thyroid.

Yes, Mr. Coleman.

Gosh! Where am I?

You've washed ashore

on the impregnable estate of Casper Coleman.

The second richest man in the world.

Who are you?

My name is Pauline.

I'm engaged to George Stedman,

the richest man in the world.

Get her into the house, Stafford.

Yes. Uh, call Dr. Reinhardt.

Uh, yes, sir.

You see, I would've taken her in still.

Please. Ho-honestly.

Face it, man. You're 18 years too late.

The group is right, it's impossible to come between them.

Their love is, if you pardon the word, sacred.

Now, if their love is sacred,

mine shall be profane.

Sten Martin, get a hold of yourself. Out of my way.

I want her, I need her

and I'm going to have her.

[grunts]

It can't be true, Thorpe. It can't be true.

Try to be calm, sir. You're full of wonderful wonder drugs.

How can I... How can I stay calm?

I want every sewer searched, every coastline dragged.

I've got to find Pauline.

Where is she? Where is she?

Much better today. Uh-huh.

Just rest and keep warm. Alright!

Go on, my dear, what happened next?

Well, then I fell into this manhole and the next thing I knew

I was emptied into the dark Atlantic.

What a brave girl, sir.

Oh, I'm not brave, I'm just lucky. George is the brave one.

May I use your telephone to call the hospital?

I'll reverse the charges.

Yesterday, my dear,

while you were under sedation,

I checked on his condition.

He's in a coma, and taking no calls.

And now, my dear, you'll need a little nap before lunch.

Nurse!

Take Pauline to her room.

But, sir, the hospital said George Stedman had made a remarkable recovery.

He's convalescing at home.

I couldn't tell her that, you idiot, she'd go to him.

I want that courage and gallantry,

and I'm going to have it.

But, sir, you're 99 and a half years old.

You subsist on cookies and mother's milk.

It's not for myself.

I'm going to marry her to my grandson, Dwayne.

Bring in my grandson! Bring in his grandson.

[Dwayne cooing]

That's my grandson.

Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

Yeah, wedding bells for you, my lad.

Wedding bells. Mm-hmm. You'd like that, huh?

Wouldn't you? Huh?

But the disparity in their ages, sir.

Pauline is 19 whereas Dwayne is only one.

When he's 21, she'll be 40.

Reinhardt! You're the head of my laboratories.

Think of a solution.

It's quite simple. Freeze her.

Freeze her? I don't follow.

The girl is 19, your grandson, one.

Freeze her for 25 years, then your heirs will thaw her out.

[Reinhardt] By then Dwayne will be 26, and Pauline still a blushing 19.

We can use the lab right across the hall.

Of course, we need her consent. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

We'll put something in her tea.

** [instrumental]

Drink your tea, my dear.

Mm! It's delicious. Thank you.

We used to drink lots of tea at the Baskerville Foundling Home.

On chilly afternoons like this, George would make a big pot

and we'd all have a cup before taking our naps.

He said the sugar would give us sweet dreams.

Gosh, I feel sleepy already.

** [instrumental]

To the laboratory.

My crews have crawled through every sewer in New York, sir.

I've dredged every inch of the Atlantic coastline,

and there's no trace of Pauline.

Well, crawl and dredge some more. I want her found, do you hear?

Yes, sir.

[telephone ringing]

Stedman speaking.

For you. Thank you, sir.

This is Thorpe.

Oh, hello, Stafford.

[Thorpe] Why, yes, we are.

She is? I don't... I can't believe it.

Yes. Yes, I'll tell him.

Thank you, Stafford. Goodbye.

Tell me what? Who was that?

Caspar Coleman's male secretary.

Pauline washed ashore on the old tycoon's private beach.

[Thorpe] He plans to marry her to his grandson.

But that's ridiculous. His grandson's only one year old.

He solved that problem.

He's reducing Pauline to a state of torpor

and then freezing her for 25 years.

[screeching]

That monster. I don't think it's legal.

But on the other hand, the estate is impregnable.

If Stafford works for Coleman, why did he confess to you?

There is a secret confraternity between male secretaries, sir.

Twenty-five years!

I'll be 50, she'll be still sweet 19.

January and June marriages are sometimes the happiest, sir.

Get me the head of my laboratories.

She catches cold so easily, Thorpe, do you know that?

She had pneumonia once,

and I rubbed her back with goose grease.

Just that thought of her shivering in that ice...

Doctor, yes. Stedman.

How soon can I be frozen up for 25 years?

Almost immediately.

It's a simple technique, much like making an ice cube in your refrigerator.

Uh, may I ask, why you?

No, doctor, yes, you may not.

Just get things ready, I'll be right along.

But-but the risks, sir, the danger to your life.

Without Pauline... life is just not worth living.

** [instrumental]

Just think, Thorpe...

in 25 years I'll be just like I am now

and she'll be just like she is, as fresh and beautiful as ever.

It'll be a bright brand new world.

Sir, I have a request to make.

May I have the honor of freezing up by your side?

Thank you, Thorpe, but someone must stay behind to run the empire.

** [continues]

But, sir, I don't have your razor sharp mind.

Ah, we're ready, Mr. Stedman, just step over here.

If you'll just lie down inside and make yourself comfortable.

Oh. Your certified check for a million dollars, sir.

You'll need some spending money when you wake up.

Any last minute instructions, sir?

If Pauline thaws out before I do, keep an eye on her.

Yes, sir. Proceed, doctor.

** [instrumental]

Goodbye, sir.

[Thorpe] Goodbye, sir!

Not goodbye, Thorpe, just adios.

** [continues]

** [instrumental]

What's happening to her now?

She is just descending into a state of torpor.

Fill the container with tap water.

** [continues]

Mr. Coleman. Ah!

A visitor, sir. Mr. Adal Folsom.

He says that after George Stedman and yourself

he's the richest man in the world.

Folsom?

Reinhardt, go on with the freezing, I'll be back.

** [instrumental]

Stafford, mother's milk for two. Yes, sir.

Well, Folsom, come, come, come, I've only got a minute.

If you are who you say you are,

how come I've never heard of you?

Well, let's say I'm somewhat of a recluse. People annoy me.

That's why I spend most of my time on my estate in furthermost Canada.

And I have a little proposition for you as I'm making one of my rare visits.

Furthermost Canada? Uh-huh.

How'd you get to money?

Well, suffice it to say that my mother

was the very good friend of late tzar of Kuwait.

The tzar? Himself? Yeah.

Hm, well. Hmm.

What's your proposition?

I understand you have a grandson.

How would you like him to be the richest man in the world?

How could he be as long as that George Stedman is around?

A-ha. Thank you.

You see, my daughter-in-law has just presented me with a granddaughter.

Now, you're the second richest man in the world, I am the third richest.

Their betrothal would combine the two fortunes.

Stafford, let the little blonde go.

Yes, sir.

Unfreeze the blonde, Coleman's orders.

It may be too late.

** [dramatic]

Eh, a toast to the youngsters, eh? Ah!

Eh, what is your granddaughter's name?

Eh, Henrietta. To Dwayne and Henrietta.

The richest young couple in the world. Ah.

[chuckling]

[slurping]

What did you say this was?

That is mother's milk.

I'm 99 and a half.

Is this tea? I think I'd prefer this.

Oh-Oh, well, it's not tea exactly.

It's-it's-it's... Oh, dear!

[Sten] Oh! Thank you. Ah!

Delicious, thank you.

You were saying just now, something about

letting a little blonde go.

Well, between you and me,

it gets rather cold and lonely up there in far-flung Canada

and I was just wondering whether you might consider passing her over to me.

I, uh...

** [instrumental]

Third richest man in the world, are you? Imposter!

He's well and waiting for you. Oh, I knew he'd be the one in a million.

Now, once out the main gate, you turn left and catch a green bus to Corriere.

Eh, here's, uh, some money for your fare.

Oh, thank you.

Stafford!

Oh-oh! The address is 163, Park Avenue, now go.

[Casper] Stafford! Guards! Guards!

Stafford, where are you?

I must have dozed off. How very rude of me.

Now, about the blonde...

Stafford! Pauline, the little blonde. Where is she?

Unfrozen, sir, and gone. Gone! Gone! In which direction?

Guards! Seize this imposter.

Work him over, then toss him over the wall.

[Sten yelling]

Which way did she go? Come on, tell me.

[indistinct yelling]

[doorbell buzzing]

Pauline!

I caught a green bus, and got here as fast I could.

Where's George?

But Casper Coleman froze you for 25 years.

Yes, but I'm 98.6 now.

Besides, it was just an old man's love for his grandson, Dwayne.

Where's George?

I can't wait to see him. He's in here.

** [dramatic]

This may be a bit difficult, my dear.

Brace yourself.

But where's George?

[Pauline] George!

But why?

When he heard your were frozen, he made the decision himself.

He didn't want to burden you with his declining years.

I offered to freeze up by his side, but someone had to run the empire.

Well, did he say anything else, about me?

[Thorpe] He said...

"Life without my Pauline is not worth living.

"Twenty-five years from now,

I'll be just as I am and she'll be just as she is.

"As fresh and beautiful as ever.

And it'll be a brand new bright world."

Oh, George!

It will be a brand new world.

Only...

Only in 25 years, I'll be 44, and he'll be only 25.

January-June marriages are sometimes the happiest.

Oh, no! Get an ice pick. Quick, turn on the oven.

No, my dear, a rapid thaw would kill him.

** [dramatic]

Twenty-five years isn't so long, George.

I'll get a comfortable chair, and some good books, and we'll read them together.

He could be defrosted slowly, a little everyday, preferably by sunlight.

Yes, a warm climate. But where and how?

The mean temperature in the Gulf of Aden is 130 degrees.

I'll order the schooner out of mothballs.

Yes, yes.

Oh, George, it will be a brand new world.

** [dramatic]

Here you go.

It's delicious. What is it? Port?

It's vanilla extract. Sorry.

Oh, it was good.

You know, you weren't around when she was left on the doorstep.

So what? I was left on a doorstep.

I'm still here.

** [dramatic]

** [instrumental]

[Pauline] And that's the end of chapter 3, George.

[chuckles] Golly, these people have long names.

Chapter 4.

"Lara laid feverish and half conscious

"in Feliciata Seminova's bed.

"The Sventytskis, the servants and Doctor Zhivago were talking...

And sell the copper, then after Wall Street closes

merge the Detroit plant with Montreal Electronics.

Thorpe, out.

That's all for today, my dear. He's beginning to drip.

We'll finish the chapter tomorrow, George.

Where are we today?

Approaching the Mediterranean, just off the coast of Brittany.

Hmm, better break out your sou'wester.

Captain says we're heading into rough weather.

** [instrumental]

[thunder rumbling]

There's a roaring fire in the main salon, my dear.

Shall we go below?

I-I just hope he isn't seasick.

A gastric disturbance is impossible in the state of torpor.

[thunder rumbling]

Are you sure those ropes will hold?

I checked them myself, my dear.

Now, come below, you're getting drenched.

Look!

Oh, George, wait for me. No, no!

Easy. Easy! Let go of me.

[Pauline] Please, please, let me go with George.

Let go of me. Please. Please, let me go.

Calm down, my dear.

Ah! Easy. Oh!

Break free, miss!

Girl, you want to wind up in Davy Jones' locker?

Anywhere, as long as I'm with George.

Can't we put off our boat?

Not in this weather, the bowers are still falling.

Oh! Now, come below.

[Pauline] Please. Please, let me go.

Oh, keep your spirits up, George.

You'll wash ashore somewhere.

[sobbing] Oh!

** [continues]

Closing Dow Jones' averages, up 6.5.

You made $3 million before lunch.

Mr. Stedman would be proud of you.

Money.

What is money without love?

I can't go on, Thorpe.

What you need is a change of scene.

Somewhere where you can meet some nice young swingers.

Somewhere like the Riviera.

He's alive, Thorpe, I know it.

He's some place, somewhere... just floating around.

** [instrumental]

Your love may be sacred, but I'm here now and you're here.

You'll never get Pauline.

Never, never, never, never, never, never, never!

Huh! What am I doing?

Ahh! Huh!

You're my lifeboat.

I must be going crackers.

This blasted sun!

** [instrumental]

[groans]

** [continues]

[gasps]

The French Riviera.

[laughing]

Thrash! Thrash! Immature thrash.

How can I follow my greatest epic?

"Life Equals Two and a Half" with a story like this

where innocence triumphs?

Innocence has never triumphed in Frandisi film.

You know that. Don't-don't you know that?

[sighs] Wait a minute.

Maybe, uh, we can switch it around.

Let innocence be destroyed.

Ah. Huh?

It will win every festival in Europe.

Naturally. Ha ha ha.

But who is going to play it?

[man] Where does one find innocence?

Ah, there's no more innocence in this dolce vita.

Just the sound of rat's feet and broken glass.

** [instrumental]

That's it!

She is innocence herself.

Signal her at once.

Tell her she has fallen under the talented far-out eye of Frederico Frandisi.

Ha ha.

** [instrumental]

Look, we're being signaled.

If my Navy days serve me correctly...

you've come under the talented far-out eye of Frederico Frandisi.

He wants to make you an international symbol of innocence.

And will you have dinner with him tonight?

Oh, that's very sweet of him, but I haven't been very hungry lately.

Do you think George has unmelted by now?

** [continues]

Pauline! Pauline! Pauline!

Pauline! Pauline!

Pauline!

** [continues]

Ah. Ah. Uh. Uh.

Where am I?

Huh! Who are you?

I'm Ken Willie Sten Martin, sir.

Formerly the British Army.

I found you floating in a tank of ice off the coast of Brittany.

I saved your life.

Look, there's a cafe over there.

Why don't we go and have a glass of Cinzano and talk it over?

Yes? Rather thirsty actually.

** [instrumental]

And so there was nothing to do but have myself frozen for 25 years.

But what was I doing off the coast of Brittany?

What were you doing there? Hm?

Oh, well, I was on my way to Singapore.

Saw you floating by, the captain wouldn't stop.

Really, honestly.

I just dived in and pushed you here. Nothing what else I could do.

Dear sir, you deserve a reward, and you shall have it.

I don't think so. Ah!

A certified check.

Any bank in the world will cash that.

There you are. And thank you.

Million dollar... A million dollars?

What's my life worth?

Great. Can I give you some advice?

Please. Well, why don't you get frozen up again?

I mean, if this girl is attractive as you say she is, then she's worth it, eh?

I mean, why, the longer you wait, the older you'll get, eh?

Well, I intent to.

But first I'd like to call New York to see if there's any news of her.

Well, I hate to ask, but would you mind lending me a few dollars?

That million was all the change I had.

I'm sorry, old chap, I never lend money.

A wise policy.

[speaking foreign language]

Oh, I'm, I'm sorry I can't pay it.

You see, I just arrived in Saint-Tropez in a cake of ice, and I have no money.

Ah!

[speaking foreign language]

Either you are a nut, monsieur,

in which case I take you at once to the insane asylum

or you are an American deadbeat,

in which case we will consult the proprietor...

who is my cousin.

Oh, of course.

** [instrumental]

Rent one of our space vehicles.

It's just impossible. B-b-but please hear me out.

Look, I have a certified check here for one million dollars.

Now, I'm perfectly willing to hand this over to you

if you will only put this certain young lady and myself

into orbit for four days.

Th-that's all I ask.

From the Kremlin, urgent.

** [dramatic]

What are the young lady's measurements?

Ah, 34-22-34, 5'3".

So you can well understand why I'm so keen to orbit.

Sit down, hmm? Here?

Thank you.

You see, apart from a short safari on the Zambezi River

we've really, hardly ever been alone.

On second thought, it can be arranged. Hm?

There's a space vehicle leaving tomorrow morning.

We'll fly you and the lady to Moscow tonight.

Well, thank you, sir.

Bless you.

And the check? The what?

Oh, yes, of course. Yes.

Where do we find this young lady?

The, the young lady? Oh, yes.

Tonight she's having dinner at the Cafe Chez Amour.

We take care of everything.

Excuse me, this one is...

Excuse me, but shouldn't we have tickets?

Oh, what's with the tickets? Of course.

We'll meet you outside the Chez Amour tonight.

Have a Cinzano while you're waiting. Oh, thank you. Charming.

** [instrumental]

Oh, hello. A-a Cinzano, please?

** [instrumental]

Pardon, monsieur, uh, you are wanted on the telephone.

Thank you very much.

Excuse me, my dear.

Who are you?

Gosh. Secrets agents from Washington D.C., our nation's capital.

We've been watching you for days.

We need you to perform a valuable service behind the iron curtain.

Oh, I'd be glad to,

but I have to go back to New York and run the George Stedman empire.

What flag flies over you?

Stars and stripes.

Gosh. That's better.

The Moscow plane leaves at 12:30.

We'll pick you up at precisely 12:01. We'll brief you on the way.

They want me back at the hotel.

Some mix-up over a beach umbrella. Shall we go?

Oh, you go. Uh, I'll just stay here and listen to the music.

Yes. Yes. Have a Shirley Temple.

I'll be back as soon as I get this snafu straightened out.

Beach umbrella. Beach umbrella.

** [instrumental]

Miss, step into the kitchen.

The, uh, boss says you can take five, in the alley.

Gosh. You're both secret agents from Washington D.C.,

just like those other two Americans.

They're not Americans,

they're Marshall Malikowski and Colonel Nifer

of the Russian Secret Police posing as diplomats.

They're luring you to Moscow to take a walk in space.

Why me? You fit the suit.

Gosh, I'm glad you warned me.

I won't go.

Yes, you will, as a double agent for us.

It'll save us million of dollars and thousands of lives.

How?

Once you're in outer space

you can photograph the instrument panel in the capsule.

Here's your camera. It'll fit in your left ear.

Now, raise your right hand and repeat after me.

"For flag and country... "For flag and country...

"I promise to perform this dangerous mission...

"I promise to perform this dangerous mission...

"Behind the iron curtain at risk of torture and death...

"Behind the iron curtain at risk of torture and death...

"I will go to my grave with the secret.

"I'll go to my grave with the secret.

So help me God." So help me God."

When we leave, go back to your table.

** [instrumental]

Pauline! George!

Oh, Pauline. When I thought you were...

And I thought you were...

Let's not talk about it now. No.

Later. Yes.

In the moonlight.

And in the morning. Venice.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

** [dramatic]

I mean, no.

No? I mean...

Oh, I hope so.

Oh, George, hold me.

** [instrumental]

Oh, it's been a wonderful evening, George.

Just like at the Baskerville Foundling Home.

You washing, me drying.

We'll have a lifetime of wonderful evenings, Pauline.

We'll never be separated again.

What time is it?

A minute to 12:00. Why?

No reason.

Tell me again how it's going to be, please?

[chuckles]

Well, we'll be married in Venice,

and we'll take the schooner on a long honeymoon

six times around the world.

And we'll settle down and raise a family.

Blondes, like you.

And they'll grow up and have more blondes like you.

And we'll visit them on Sundays.

Oh, George, no matter what happens, remember,

I'll always love you.

Pauline, you're trembling.

Oh, it's nothing.

Just these chilly Saint-Tropez nights.

We're finished here.

I'll get my coat and take you back to the hotel.

We're due at the airport. You have to hurry.

** [instrumental]

Hurry!

Pauline?

"No matter what?"

Anything else, monsieur?

Hmm? Ah, there you are.

Are we barely off for jolly old Moscow?

She is, you are not. What?

Oh! Oh! Ah! Oh!

Pauline!

Pauline!

Pauline? What about Pauline? Where is she?

Oh, I-I gave the Russian your million

to put us into orbit, now he's taken her off to Moscow.

You idiot! Oh!

Deadbeat.

Mr. Stedman, you're out of your ice.

I'm out of my mind.

Come on, we're off to Moscow.

** [instrumental]

** [continues]

[garbled chatter]

I want Pauline reeled in and back on the ground, right now!

Or I'll break your economy, I'll smash the ruble.

Do you understand? I want her back here, now!

Impossible.

Yes, impossible.

Her partner cut her umbilical cord.

She's floating in space with all that capitalistic junk.

What? What does that mean? She will gradually lose altitude.

And burn up on re-entry.

** [dramatic]

Mr. Stedman?

Mr. Stedman?

They would've been married in Venice this morning.

I don't know what this has done to him.

Seems to be in a state of shock.

The solution is simple.

Brainwash him.

Remove her memory from his consciousness.

But where would I have this done? And by whom?

Take him to Dr. Gustav Blitz in West Berlin.

The neurological genius of Kurfurstendamm

on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, he is in his office in East Berlin.

No, he'd never consent to it.

He'd rather live with his pain.

Dr. Blitz's methods are very subtle.

He wouldn't even know that his brain has been laundered.

Introduce him as a casual friend of yours.

Come, sir.

I'd like you to meet a casual friend of mine

who lives in West Berlin, well, any Monday, Wednesday or Friday.

** [instrumental]

Commissar...

What is this, Pushkin?

Our first in space.

A triumph for Mother Russia.

Pauline was snagged by a second capsule.

Landed in a suburb, and was rushed here

by a fast People's Republic

six-cylinder automobile.

Vodka for everyone!

[crowd cheering]

** [instrumental]

I am a double agent for The United States.

Do you have the photograph?

How do I know you're a double agent?

[gasps]

No, no, no, no. Not here.

Now, where is the photograph?

It's in my left ear.

Lean your left ear towards me.

** [dramatic]

If I'm a heroine of the Soviet Republic

how do I get out of Russia?

Your escape from Moscow has been arranged.

Go to the corner of Draskovic and Milanvoscovich streets

where you will be contacted.

Draskovic and Milanvoscovich.

Check.

But how do I get over the Berlin Wall?

That's your problem.

After the parade, they plan to kill you

with injections of formaldehyde

and exhibit you in a glass coffin next to Lenin.

So hurry!

** [instrumental]

** [instrumental]

Is this the one?

Yeah, get the formaldehyde.

** [intense]

[gunfire]

[gunfire]

Well, how do you feel tonight, sir?

Still bothered by that little buzzing noise in your head?

Hm? Oh, it's down to a steady hum.

Listen to that, Thorpe.

Some poor devil trying to come in from the cold.

** [intense]

[gunfire]

George.

Hello. Who are you?

I'm Pauline.

How do you do? Welcome to West Berlin and freedom.

I'm going back to the hotel, Thorpe. That hum is back to a buzz.

** [continues]

Why doesn't he know me?

He has just been brainwashed by Dr. Gustav Blitz,

the neurological genius of Kurfurstendamm.

All memory of you has been erased from his consciousness.

But why?

When we heard you'd burned up in re-entry

it seemed the kindest thing to do.

Oh, George. Is, is it permanent?

It had better be for his sake. There is one further complication.

When you were washed out of his brain so was his razor sharp business acumen.

His mind is clean, and so is his bank account.

[gasps] I know. You take him to Switzerland

where they have strong psychological detergents

and I'll go to Venice and star in Freddy Frandisi's way-out movie.

I'll make a fortune for all of us.

Pauline, you are indeed one in a million.

Oh, gosh, no, George is the one in a million.

I'll see you in Venice.

** [instrumental]

Now, as a former federal judge, you can understand that, uh...

reversing a laundry job by Dr. Blitz is like a breaking the Japanese code, nien?

[laughs]

What we need is an image or a keyword,

something to trigger his subconscious memory, huh.

Ah, here we are.

Good morning, sir. Doorstep.

Baskerville Foundling Home, Zambezi River.

American TNT, Saint-Tropez?

Oh, stop, Thorpe.

If I ever knew a Pauline, I don't want to know her now.

I'm sick of this sanatorium. I'm checking out.

Some flowers, sir.

[George] Daffodils.

Daffodils?

Daffodils!

And when I come back, they'll be in bloom.

And, and I came back. Yes.

And she was like a daffodil.

And she had bloomed, for me.

Where's Pauline, Thorpe? Ah-a! You see?

Excuse me, please.

She's in Venice, making a film under the talented far-out eye of Freddy Frandisi.

Well, wonderful, wonderful.

Now, the prince in this story...

Sit down, sweety.

Prince in this story is a Hamlet-like figure.

He is philosophical, brooding, full of self-doubt.

He represents the modern man today

who is torn between bestiary and innocence.

Gosh. Yes, gosh.

Now, in this scene, he must make the decision.

As you coming down the stairs, the prince, he unlocks the, uh...

Manacles. Handcuffs.

And you enter and unlock the gorilla cage, see?

And with your charm, you know, very nice, with your charm.

You invite him out to have dinner at that table.

But alas, alas!

Your beauty only arouses in him the raw, animal nature...

as it does mine.

He takes you in his arms, and he embraces you

and he wants to take you up to those stairs...

[gorilla growls]

A real gorilla!

He was as tame as a kitten until he saw you.

You afraid, huh? She's afraid.

[chuckles]

Oh, no, there's nothing to be afraid. No.

Because the gorilla bedroom has two cages, see?

Now, when the gorilla goes inside,

the stuntman in gorilla costume, he goes inside, locks up.

[Frandisi] Then the stuntman, he comes out when you call him.

You think I would endanger your precious life, huh?

You think so?

Thank you, but I think it only fair to tell you that I belong to George.

Check your costume with the wardrobe lady.

Yes, maestro.

But you didn't dig innocence, maestro.

That was before I fell in love.

I'm thinking of the new production now, an American classic.

"Rebecca Sunnybrook Farm."

[speaks foreign language]

I love her, I love her.

** [instrumental]

Mrs. Carruthers. Pauline.

What are you doing here?

Why aren't you at the George Stedman Foundling Home?

When George's mind went kablooey he had to close it.

So, I took this job as a way-out wardrobe woman.

Don't worry, Mrs. Carruthers, we'll open the foundling home again.

Just as soon as I make a fortune.

You are a dear, sweet girl, Pauline.

[Frandisi] Frandisi is ready.

Excuse me, Mrs. Carruthers, I have to go into the gorilla's cage

and arouse his low animal nature.

Oh, no, Pauline, must you?

Yes, George needs the money.

[indistinct chatter]

Mr. Frandisi. Si.

My name is George Stedman.

I'm here to tell you that this movie is over.

George? Her George. Ha ha ha.

Get out, you square. Action, please.

Insults will not make me leave. Where is Pauline?

Shh. Quiet.

Mm-hmm.

Now, open the cage.

And we will see which is the stronger.

Sacred love or profane love.

[growling]

Got it. We'll just lock...

Just a minute, I know you.

Yes. I shot you in the jungle outside Bazma.

White Pygmy country, yes? Ahh!

We're here for the same reason, aren't we?

You're after Pauline, aren't you?

You worked your way from Africa on a freighter.

And entered Mabel by Blue Train.

But you're not gonna get her, I'm gonna get her...

[groans]

** [dramatic]

Gorilla.

Gorilla.

Don't you like me, gorilla?

I won't hurt you, gorilla. Come on, don't be shy.

** [continues]

Wouldn't you like to come have some dinner, gorilla sweet?

Come on.

[growls]

Cut! Magnificent.

[panting]

He, he outfought me.

[screams]

You fool!

[indistinct chatter]

[George] Pauline.

** [dramatic]

** [instrumental]

[growls]

** [continues]

[growling]

** [continues]

[growls]

** [continues]

** [continues]

[growls]

[water splashes]

** [continues]

[cheering]

Pauline, are you hurt?

Oh, George, we're together, and we're in Venice.

Innocence, I hate innocence.

Man should live by his hatred.

Totom, cancel "Rebecca Sunnybrook Farm."

** [instrumental]

** [instrumental]

[bell tolls]

The bells, the bells.

Oh, George, listen to the bells.

They're ringing for us.

And they will on this day every year

for as many years as there are stones in Venice.

Thorpe arranged it.

** [continues]

Oh the glory of it all.

** [continues]

* Where are you

* My pretty Pauline?

* I will search the world

* For Pauline

* By jet by steamboat

* By submarine

* Yes I do promise

* My pretty Pauline

* If you're in peril

* Try not to scream

* Hang on I'll save you

* My pretty Pauline

** [instrumental]