Original subtitles

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- Standard practice- initialing the site of injury

to safeguard against any mix-ups,

make sure we know exactly where-

Damn it. oh, Come on.

Oh. [chuckles] Out of ink.

You know what? Screw it. Left femur-I'll remember.

- You sure? - Oh, yeah, I'll just remember.

Left femur is right... for surgery.

And the right femur, not right. No, that's...

[clears throat] Okay, forget that.

I'll just lock it in.

Left femur, left femur, left femur, left femur.

[clicks tongue] Okay, it's in there.

Uh, and we're talking your left, right?

- Can you just get another marker?

- Yeah, can we get another marker in here, please?

[upbeat music]

? ?

- I'll have our cardiologist Dr. Axler take a look at it

just to be safe. - Axler's not gonna like that.

- Well, Axler's just gonna have to deal.

- So tell me everything.

- It started with tightening,

like someone was sitting on my chest.

- Oh, I was just asking about his weekend.

So did you and Michael have a good time?

Is he still a cutie-patootie?

- Sorry. Who's Michael?

- Uh, Ron's son. Michael is Ron's son.

- Ron? - Okay, excuse us for a second.

- I had a tough moment with Michael last month.

Listen, I wasn't the greatest dad.

Maybe I ran a little hot. I'm working on that.

I went to visit Michael in Austin,

and we fell into old patterns.

He poked me.

I took it to ten. That triggered him.

So this trip I am trying to remain calm no matter what.

And at the risk of sounding arrogant,

I am crushing it.

I don't want to jinx it,

but I'm working on the perfect visit.

I didn't raise my voice not once, not even a tone.

- That's great.

- He's even stopping off for lunch before his flight.

- Well, it sounds like you're really doing the work.

- Yeah, not really. I just agree with everything he says.

He suggested we take this hot-yoga class.

It smelled bad and felt even worse,

but I was all like, oh, this is so awesome.

You know, when you're chasing the perfect visit,

it almost feels good to lie. - Is that healthy, though?

I mean, it seems like a bit of an act.

- Look, my son is sensitive, okay?

This is the easiest way to do this.

You wouldn't understand because you don't have kids.

- Well, I understand human relationships.

And let me tell you something- conflict is natural.

You know, at Henderson family reunion,

the ham is a-flying.

[chuckles]

But there's a lot of love there, a lot of love.

[chuckles]

- Knife fight at a BabyGap. Ambulance en route.

- Okay, thank you.

[gasps] Hey, there's our civic-duty hero.

How was jury duty? Were any of the jurors crazy?

- Everyone was pretty normal.

- Were you're not allowed to watch TV

in case they were, like, discussing the trial?

- Nope. - I have this fantasy scenario

where I'm on a jury, and we're really close to a verdict,

and then I say, hold on.

Are we thinking about this whole thing the wrong way?

This is someone's life we're talking about.

Did anybody do that?

- The case was about land easements.

- Mm. This is someone's easement we're talking about.

That didn't have the same ring to it at all.

[humming "Law & Order" theme song]

- Hey, what's your poison, compadre?

- Ah, just a little morning juice,

something I whip up sometimes. - Sip for the B-dawg?

- Oh, yeah, of course.

- Ah, let's see.

Whoa. Whoa-ho-ho.

That is tasty, man. What's in that?

- Ah, it's kind of a secret family recipe.

We used to make it on hot summer days on the farm.

- Okay, what you just said, slap that on a label,

and you got yourself a premium endcap at Whole Foods.

- "Endcap"? - We're talking sales, Matty.

Yeah, this could be a good business.

- No, come on. - Oh, I'm serious.

Uh, Keith, come try Matt's farm juice.

- Okay. Hope there aren't any tree nuts in there

'cause my throat will close up-

- Yeah, yeah, just drink it, Keith.

- Mmm. Yeah. That's numbers.

- Oh, thanks, man. - Yeah.

- How much would you pay for that?

- Oh, my gosh, Matt, I'm so sorry.

I didn't know- - No, in a store, Keith.

- Oh, well, it depends how thirsty I am.

Middle of the desert, sky's the limit.

Middle of a lake- - It's worth 8 bucks, easy.

I tried to include you, Keith. You saw that, right?

But these chances are gonna dry up, bud.

- Yeah. Sorry.

- Buffalo Bruce and Matty the Kid

back in the saddle-

this time exploring a new frontier,

the food and beverage sector. [chuckles]

- Uh, my workstation's over there,

but sometimes I mix it up, so sit here.

- Oh, that is not Michael.

That is not him!

- How you doing, Joyce?

- Oh, my little cutie's all grown up.

Actually, my little cutie's keeping it tight.

- Joyce. - Hi. Serena, Ron's favorite.

I'm gonna need all the dirt on his place, like, immediately.

- Yeah, what's his kitchen situation?

One plate, one cup, one fork? - Oh, no.

There's a second fork...

from Sonic.

[chuckles] I'm not sure how many dishwasher cycles

it has left in it, though.

[laughter] - Dishwasher cycles.

Michael, you are hilarious. - Yep.

Don't own a lot of forks. - Shh. Keep talking.

Uh, let's see, first night, I sweat through my PJs,

'cause Dad keeps it a brisk 80 degrees in there air.

- Ugh, like a reptile habitat.

- Yeah, I turned it down to 68,

and, miraculously, he didn't change it back.

- It's nice. I wake up several times during the night.

And I say to myself, this is nice.

No, but it helps with the- What were you-

- The brown fat. - Yes, I have less brown fat.

- More. - More, more, I have more.

Michael's got no shortage of opinions on my life,

but I've been handling it perfectly because of this.

I had to pull this out a lot this weekend.

"Nod and agree."

I say hot, he says cold.

I say up, he says down.

I don't know where he gets it from.

His mom, I guess.

- I'm so glad that Val's case didn't go longer.

We really need the bodies. - Mm, totally.

- You know, it's weird that I've never been summonsed.

- Is it? - Yeah.

I kind of feel like the city's, like, saving me

for something bigger, you know?

Like, they don't want to burn me on some nonsense.

- Yeah, maybe.

- You know, I can tell when someone's lying.

It's all in the pupils.

- Uh-huh. - I'm serious.

If they look up and to the right, lie,

because they're using the creative part of their brain.

I wonder if Val knew that.

God, I should have trained her up before the trial.

- Dude, Val didn't have jury duty, okay?

She went to Cabo.

- What? - Yeah.

No offense to your pupil method, but...

- It's fine.

- You're just being a lot with the jury stuff.

- No, I get it.

[objects rustling, thudding]

- Hey. - Hey.

- Look what I drew. - Oh, what's this?

- It's the logo for my business.

- Oh, your business?

- Yeah. - Okay.

"Nurse Matt's Tonic- just what the doctor ordered."

- Pretty cool, huh? - Uh-huh.

Is there any doctor in particular that ordered it?

- I don't know.

Just background. Doesn't really matter.

- Right. Right, doesn't matter.

Yeah. [scoffs]

- It's so crazy to think that someday,

like, millions of people could see this image.

- Yeah, that would be a very special thing for you.

Just you.

- I enabled two-factor authentication for you.

So now you get a text every time you try to log in.

- That looks very secure. Thank you for doing that.

- Hey, Leonard. Leonard, hold up.

You know that, um, angina patient

you referred to me this morning?

It's a good thing I did a complete workup.

Otherwise, I might not have discovered

a severe case of "drank too many energy drinks."

- Okay, well, given her history-

- Non-radiating pain, normal EKG.

- Okay, well, it was a judgment call.

There have been times where I didn't admit a person,

and I came to regret it. - Oh.

So I'm here to help you work through your previous screwups?

Hey, uh, tell Yang he's out of a job.

I'm, uh, handling all the psych cases now, apparently.

- Now, just listen here, Axler-What?

- Don't even engage with this guy.

- Oh, Ron doesn't engage,

unless it's with a secret meatball sub in the men's room.

- It was one time!

- Dad. - Oh-

I-it's just-it's-it's- - [imitates mockingly]

All you ED doctors are exactly the same.

You just want to kick it up to Mommy and Daddy.

Look, if I have enough time this afternoon,

maybe I can help you change your diaper.

Do you have a poopy diaper, Ronnie?

Do you? Let me see. - Hey, man.

- Okay, hey, this has escalated, so just walk away.

Okay? - Where you going?

The Koala Kare changing table is this way.

- That's too bad, man,

'cause I had a good comeback- - It doesn't matter.

- Yeah, you're right. It doesn't matter.

.

[indistinct chatter]

- I like the way they cut the celery

into these little pieces.

I think it integrates better into the tuna.

- Yeah. No, for sure.

I just want to hold space for a moment

to acknowledge how well you kept it cool back there.

Yeah, I got to admit- it was a bit of a surprise.

[chuckles] - Well, I just thought-

- You broke the cycle of masculine aggression.

- Well, that was the goal. [sighs]

I mean, we're not going to let some jerk ruin the visit.

- So are you just gonna report this to HR,

or do you go right to Joyce?

- What? No.

This doesn't need to be reported.

- Dad, he grabbed you, said you had diarrhea in your diaper.

- I do not think he mentioned consistency.

- If you stay silent on this,

you're contributing to a culture

where that sort of behavior is acceptable.

- Uh...

yeah, I'll report him.

Good call.

- You're not gonna report it. - Yes, I will.

And just to prove to you how important it is,

I'll go tell Joyce right now, get this out the way.

- Hey, Dad.

Be the change.

- Damn.

- Hey. Just thinking about your case.

Sounds so cool.

So was it, like, uh, public land, private land?

- It was actually a mix,

since the dominant tenement was public,

but the servient tenement was private.

- Got it.

What about the plaintiff? Uh, like, what was his deal?

Like, what did he look like or...

- Um...

- It's kind of crazy you don't remember.

- Well, it's just that there were multiple plaintiffs,

since it was a subdivision of homeowners suing the town.

The Tinsleys seemed chill- beautiful daughter.

But the Waldrops had kind of an Amish vibe-

flaxen hair, long beards.

Well, except for Ezekiel-

[laughs] He was clearly the black sheep.

- Right. Right.

Uh, what was the judge's name, again?

- Clark Semenson.

- And what'd you have for lunch?

- Thai.

The satay was dry, so I got extra peanut sauce.

- Bruice Juice. Get your Bruice Juice.

Parker, a little morning BJ to brighten your day?

Yeah, I was feeling a little hurt after Matt's betrayal.

But then I realized,

competition is good for the marketplace.

It got my creative juices flowing, so to speak.

[chuckles] So I dropped some seed money,

bought a fancy juicer, registered an S Corp.

See, for Matt, this is just a lark.

For me, it's a chance to be bought out by Nestl�

for a billion dollars someday.

Not too shabby.

- No way. You're making juice, too?

- Oh, yeah. It's cool, right?

You had your idea. I had my idea.

- Awesome. Well, I'm selling mine

at the Alpine Farmers Market next weekend.

You should jump in my booth.

We could sell side by side, be tent buddies.

- Yeah, maybe. - Is it cool if I try it?

Ugh. [coughs]

Does that have alcohol in it? - What? Of course not.

Why? You think it needs it?

- Oh, also, I wrote a jingle. You want to hear it?

- Yeah. - Okay.

? Nurse Matt's ton-ic ?

- Yeah, I'm sorry, bud. I'm not really feeling it.

- Ah, it's a work in progress.

- ? Nurse Matt's ton-ic ?

[scoffs] Freakin' Randy Newman over here.

- Well, she just lied right to my face.

That pupil thing is bull[bleep], by the way.

- Don't take it so personally.

She's only lying to you because you're the boss.

- Yeah, I mean, I can understand

why an employee might lie to, like, a mean boss,

you know, someone who's like, watch me eat this doughnut,

and-and, you can't have any.

And you're- because the other character-

like, they love doughnuts, right?

Okay, the point is, I feel like I make it pretty clear

that I'm a cool boss.

- Cool has nothing to do with it.

It's the dance we all do.

You make up an excuse. No one looks too closely.

It's what's best for all of us.

- Sorry. How many people are lying to me?

Like, more than ten?

- Alex, this is the system. Just leave it alone.

I feel like you're not gonna leave it alone.

- No, 'cause I'm cool.

- Hey, Joyce, um, real quick-

this dumb thing happened with me and Axler.

If Michael asks, can you tell him that we already talked?

- Oh, so your Mr. Agreeable routine isn't panning out?

- Joyce, can you just- - Fine.

But I'm doing this for your hot son, not for you.

- Thank you.

- Oh, and what happened with Axler, anyway,

in case it comes up?

- Well, he started yelling at me in the hallway.

He called me a couple of names

and did a crude impression of me.

- Uh-huh.

- And he also started screaming about,

I had a dirty diaper and grabbed at my waist.

Can you believe that?

- Okay, well, now I'm actually gonna have to report this.

- Wait. What?

.

- Yeah.

What's up, fam?

I just wanted to call a little meeting-

ah, less of a meeting, more of a hang-

to talk about scheduling.

Actually, not wearing the right underwear to sit this way,

so I'm just going to...

Okay, cool.

Listen, I get it, all right?

We've all got lives. [bleep] happens.

Yeah...

we can curse in here.

The point is, if something comes up

and you're out of vacay days, just come and tell me.

There's no reason

to manufacture some convoluted excuse.

You know, I am here to meet you with empathy and understanding.

- Actually, my nephew is in town,

and I wanted to take him to Sky Zone.

Is it all right if I take off Friday?

- Uh, is, like, he- is he sick or something or-

- No. Would he need to be?

- Uh, no. No, that's cool.

Yeah, you know what? Take Friday morning.

You got it. - Uh, I-I said Friday.

- Uh, Anybody else? Come on.

All right, guys, keep them coming, okay?

I can take it. I promise.

Yeah?

- Yesterday I said I was late because of car trouble.

But, really, there was a long wait

for the elliptical at my gym.

Huh. I feel lighter already.

- Nice, although I-I, uh, do want to clarify,

they still should be good reasons, okay?

Still should be good.

- What counts as a good reason?

- Okay, a good reason is, like, you know, my grandpa died or...

I don't know.

Brandon, you're out tomorrow. Uh, what's going on there?

- My grandpa died.

- Yeah- What's, uh, his name?

- Um, Scott.

- Hmm.

- Well, I got to say-

this was a pretty good trip, a pretty good trip.

- Yeah, it was pretty good.

- Yeah, I'd say it's one for the books.

- Yeah. - [chuckles]

- You know what? Why don't we wait outside?

It's better for your rating

if you're there before the car arrives.

- Hey, uh, Leonard. Leonard, hold up.

- Felix, how can I help you?

- Ah, I just want to apologize for acting like a dick earlier.

I've got a lot of stuff going on, you know-

the Joint Committee review,

and my gardener and I are suing each other.

And, anyway, I'm sorry. Sorry. - I appreciate that.

I really do.

Uh, this is my son, by the way.

- Oh, jeez. I-I-I-I didn't know.

I'm sorry to you, too. - Hey, you're owning it.

And that is the first step. - Okay.

- A vulnerable moment from Dr. Axler?

What do I have to do, order a brain scan?

[laughter]

- Listen, you do not want to know what's in here.

[laughter] - Look at you chuckle bunnies.

I'm glad you made up.

- Yeah, how does she-

You told Joyce?

- And if the business gets big enough,

maybe I'll get a pushcart, set up in the atrium.

- [groans] All the permits, bottling, insurance.

Plus, refrigeration costs are gonna kill you

unless your co-packer can make it shelf stable.

My eyebrow lady always has "Shark Tank" on.

- Oh.

I guess I really hadn't thought past the logo.

- [clears throat]

I'll give you 1,000 bucks for the entire business,

including the recipe and the jingle.

- Wait. Really? - Uh-huh.

- Uh, that's a laughable valuation

for what's essentially a brand-new category.

If he makes a retail play, this can easily 10x in 2 years.

- What? - $2,000.

- $5,000.

And Matt gets to keep the logo.

- Ugh.

Fine. [laughs]

- You went crying to Joyce like a little baby.

- You're the baby.

You had a tantrum

because you didn't want to see one extra patient.

- Hey, Dad, he's not worth it.

- Oh, no, he needs to hear this.

Everybody's tiptoeing around this guy 'cause he's a baby!

- You already called me a baby!

- Hey, man, you're clearly frustrated.

I can see that.

But you need to be responsible for how that manifests.

And I'm sorry for yelling.

- Do me a favor-keep your mouth shut for a minute.

- Wait, now. Wait, now. You better watch your tongue.

Now, you talk to my son again like that,

you're gonna catch these hands, Felix!

- This is ridiculous!

Ron didn't want me to report you.

He only came to me so that he could tell his son

that he handled it, okay?

- What?

Dad, why would you do that?

- Well, I was agreeing with everything you said

because I was trying to show you that I am not a hothead.

- Wait a minute. Is this family talk?

I'm tapping out. - What, man?

It's your fault. You're the one that started it.

And why did you go and get a coffee

at this particular moment?

.

- Val, we've known each other a long time.

Why don't you just tell me where

you actually were last week and then we can all move on?

- I told you- the easement case.

- Val, stop, okay? It's me. You don't have to lie to me.

- All right. Let's go down that road.

Let's say I lied because I went to Cabo with Shelly.

Let's say I did it because I've been feeling numb lately,

kind of angry, like a pressure cooker.

And the stress is affecting my relationship.

Suddenly, Shelly's spending a lot of time at JoAnn Fabrics,

where her ex Kimia works.

She says it's to buy supplies,

but I'm not seeing a lot of crafting being done.

This is all hypothetical, by the way.

- [softly] Right. Yeah, sure.

- So let's say I whisk Shelly off to Mexico.

We drink. We dance.

We do things to each other's bodies

we would never do stateside.

And now I'm not a pressure cooker.

I'm a crockpot, low and slow,

reliable old Val, always quick with a joke.

Again, all hypothetical. - Mm-hmm.

- Let me ask you-which story do you prefer, Alex?

The one where I'm forced to reveal intimate details

about my sexual struggles

because I have no vacation days left

or the story where I simply had jury duty?

- The second one.

[clears throat]

Um, just to ask-

in the, um, fictional scenario where you went to Cabo,

did you have fun?

- Hypothetically...

it was amazing.

- [sighs]

- Wow.

I've seen these in movies.

"For our idea." - It's just a little joke.

If you're offended, you don't have to cash it.

Now fork over that secret recipe.

What was it, loquats? Yeah?

Is that what gave it that zing at the end?

Okay.

Tea with a little orange juice in it.

What? That's it?

- Easy-peasy.

- Well, what-what kind of tea?

- Just, like, whatever's around.

- How much do you use, Matt?

- I sort of eyeball it, so maybe, like, two splashes.

Uh, oh, and then I-I slosh it around.

Did-did I write "slosh it around"?

- Yeah, really wish the recipe had called for loquats.

- This is, like, next-level insane.

So you didn't like the matcha lattes I made?

- Like sucking on grass clippings.

- And that was you farting in hot yoga,

not the man-bun guy? - Correct.

Although it did seem like something he would do.

- I guess I'm just like...

but why, though?

You're never shy about everything that pisses you off.

Why the 180?

- I just wanted this visit to be perfect.

- But why? You're not perfect.

I've never asked you to be perfect.

- Well, it's been brought to my attention

that I have not been the most sensitive father.

I guess I just figured if this were perfect, then-

I don't know- maybe that would show you

that I'm not always the bad guy.

- Well, first off, let me just say

that that is very cute.

And while, yes, you could come at me a little less hard,

it has to be real and not a performance.

- I heard that.

- Look, we can work on all that.

But I hope you know...

that I love you.

- I love you, too.

We should order another Uber

because my ratings are going to nosedive after that.

- Dad, you're deflecting.

Receive what I'm saying. I love you.

- Sentiment received.

- The fact that you said "sentiment received"

leads me to believe

that you did not, in fact, receive that sentiment.

- What the hell do you want from me?

I love you, son.

- Actually, yes. You know, it's better than...

[robotically] "Sentiment received. I love you."

- [laughs] Oh, that's the way I sound?

- [normal voice] That's how you sound, yes.

- Okay, well, this is how you sound.

[perky voice] You have to say "I love you" 100 times a day.

I love-I love dirt. I love walls.

- That's me? - I love bricks. I love-

- [laughs]

- You know what? I'm just gonna say it.

Perfect visit.

[bell clangs]

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