Original subtitles

(Pleasant high tempo piano waltz music) (Birds chirp)

Ready?

(Suze sighs) (Waltz turns chaotic)

Hello. Renata, have you seen my smoothie?

(Barbara gasps)

Renata,

get the sheet mask and cooling eye patches

out of the freezer. (Claps loudly) Now!

Should have put them on her yesterday, for God's sakes.

(Angrily): I trusted you.

(Under her breath): Ah, fuck off, Barb.

(Music builds) (Suze sighs)

(Cork pops)

(Music subsides) (Champagne fizzles)

SHERYL: Sare. Sare! Excuse me...

I know Steve's family are gentiles,

but will we get to lift you up in a chair?

Barb says she can't afford a lawsuit.

Ah... I know.

KRISTEN: Yeah, where are you?

A little wedding gift. Oh, you shouldn't have!

I should be getting you one for making me look fab.

Thank you, so thoughtful. Um, open it?

Now? Yes. You'll see.

SARE: Oh, my God.

You're too much.

Holy fuck! I know, right?

Where did you find this?

In my grubby old basement. Can you believe?

Oh, my God. Look at these babies.

There's me. Look at your face.

MICHAEL: "Voted most likely to end up in a...

BOTH: Thai prison." (She laughs): Look at you now.

Owning your own company. It's so cool.

I know, right? Oh, here we go: Sare Horowitz.

"Voted most likely

to be CEO of a global company, the profits of which

she uses to save the world."

(Dramatic classical music) Look at you. Wha-

What are you up to now? Well, I mean, I'm getting married.

Obviously! And?

(Clicks tongue) Well, my mum died. Oh, my God.

Rachel! Yeah, I know.

She was Jewish, but thank you for that. No worries.

It's been really tough. Thank you.

I'm so sorry to hear that.

(Whispers): Hey, Michael. Yeah?

(Whispers inaudibly)

Now? Yeah, I just... Wedding nerves.

I got you, girl. Oh, thank fuck.

(Glasses clink) (High tempo classical piano)

Oh, hi. Oh, hi.

Wow, you look so... casual. Thank you.

Great to see you.

I'm gonna go see Sare. (Tearfully): Sare...

(Cries) What-What's wrong?

We can't let this go ahead. Sare doesn't love him.

(Cries loudly) Oh, I, I know.

But, like, you don't wanna interfere,

so what do you do, right?

Listen, get it together, okay? Shelly!

(Both laugh and cheer)

Ooh, "ma pushka".

Oh, you're emotional. (Sing songy): I know.

Best day of our lives. (Both laugh)

(Whispers): Save her.

Oh, Jesus. (Music fades)

Thank you for this. (People chat nearby)

(Whispers): Oh, yes. (Pills rattle)

(Whispers): Hey, look at the hair. It's good, right?

Suki? Maximum setting. Smells like a brewery in here.

Uh-huh.

(Intense music)

(Voices echo in distance)

(Glasses clink, overwhelming chatter)

(Laugher echoes and rings out)

(All noises subside) (Suze breathes shakily)

(Waves crashing gently)

(Music turns calm and emotional)

(Waves and music fade) (Suze exhales)

(Glasses clink, people chat)

SUZE: Sare!

Sare... (High tempo classical piano)

Wow, you look you look amazing.

Listen. Back away from the hair! Why aren't you dressed?

I just need to talk to Sare. No. Sare needs her time alone.

No, I- Thank you. Let's go.

SUZE: I'm coming... I'm coming back.

What can I say? I'm a genius. I'll see you out there.

Hey. Hello.

Thank you for coming. I appreciate it. Real pleasure.

Jimmy. Jimmy? Father of the bride.

Sorry, I have a little tinnitus. What? Sare's my daughter.

Your daughter, but... So, this is the, uh...

This is what we're marrying into. Nice.

I thought Sare's dad was dead.

Looky here.

I'm a walking miracle. (Clicks tongue)

(Chuckles nervously): Is he a wedding crasher?

I don't know. I should probably...

I don't know That might have been Suzie's crazy uncle.

I'm gonna go check it out.

(Romantic French chanson) (Pills rattle)

(He chuckles)

There you are. You're like a princess.

I've come to walk my little girl down the aisle.

I told you them that you're dead. (Both laugh)

Oh, come here....Look at you. Mhm?

You're a mess.

You thought you could get away from me, but you can't.

You are me.

Sare, I'm sorry, I should have said this before,

but it's not too late

What the fuck?

You... Suzie, Suzie, Suzie.

I have to...

What are you doing?!

You've missed your cue.

You two should be walking now.

Who is this person? This is this is Jimmy.

Whoever you are, you need to take your seats, for God's sakes.

They need to go. Dear God, Jimmy...

You are not ruining this day for me.

You will go out there and smile.

And walk, walk, walk.

(Elegant, romantic violin)

(Sare sighs happily)

(Whispers): You look beautiful. Thank you.

You look tired. Fuck off.

KRISTEN: You may now be seated. Welcome, friends and fam

(Mic cuts) Ooh... Uh! (Laughs)

No, it's on.

(Chuckles): One two. One two. (Mic feedbacks)

(Feedback continues) (Chuckles, clears throat)

Welcome, friends and family,

to this very, very special day.

We are here to celebrate love,

belonging and finding your person.

(Chuckles): Look at these two beautiful people.

Ah! (People chuckle)

And now, as an appetizer,

or amuse bouche, as we say in Paris... (Laughs)

We have Sare's sister Suze,

who's... yeah! Gonna read a poem

all the way from the Emerald Isle.

SUZE: Yeah, forgot about this. (People clap hands)

(People cheer)

Um... Oh. (Chuckles). Hello.

(Clears throat)

Um, this is The Facts of Life by Pádraig Ó Tuama.

"That you were born...

and you will die."

"That you will sometimes love enough...

and sometimes not."

"That you will lie

if only to yourself."

"That you'll get tired."

"That you'll learn most from the situations you did not choose."

"That you began as the fusion of a sperm and an egg

of two people who once were strangers

and may still well be."

(Takes a deep breath)

"That you'll probably be okay."

"That you must accept change before you die

but you will die anyway."

MAN: Oh...

"So you might as well live and you might as well love."

(Suze chuckles and laughs)

"You might as well love." KRISTEN: Aw!

(People clap hands, unsurely at first, but then intensely)

KRISTEN: Oh!

That was very...

Irish. (Laughs) (People chuckle)

Aw, let's keep some of those happy tears in there for the vows. Oh!

Okay.

(Sighs) Now...

It's tradition to ask if anyone here objects

to these two people spending the rest of their lives together.

Uh-oh. (People chuckle)

KRISTEN: Please speak now or forever hold your peace.

(Loud heartbeat)

Oh. Ah! Just kidding. (People laugh)

Woohoo! (Heartbeat stops)

Let's get this party started. (Kristen laughs)

Aw, so cute. Okay, Steve and Sare,

you may now say your vows.

(Heartbeat resumes faintly)

You okay? Never better. You are me.

I stand before you, Sare...

(Sighs) And I know just one thing.

I wanna be your husband.

Sare, you are my best friend.

My lover. Uh... My partner in crime. (People chuckle)

(Sare sighs) You're my Josephine to my Napoleon.

And I cannot wait

for all the adventures that we'll have together.

You are my beautiful rock. (Both chuckle)

Wait, I'm sorry. Sorry. (People chuckle)

You are beautiful, and you are my rock.

Sorry. KRISTEN: Aw!

Thank you, Steve. (Chuckles)

Sare? That was really beautiful.

(Breathes sharply) Okay.

(Distorted, uneven guitar strums) You are my rock.

Rock... Rock.

Cocksucker.

(People gasp) Sorry. That was...

WOMAN: What did she say? (Kristen chuckles)

Okay. Nope. I can do this. (Kristen clears throat)

(Whispers): Ah... Sorry.

Steve.

(Nervous): Yeah. (Distorted piano)

You are my...

(Slurred speech): Cocksucker... (Music turns chaotic)

(Laughs)

Hang on. I-I-I can do this. I can.

What is happening?

I don't know. I just- I think I need to breathe.

What? Erm... okay. Yeah, I think I just...

Okay, why don't we take a little break

and we'll get the bride some water?

I just... I need to get my boots off.

I have to take them off. Now?

Yeah, we need to get it off. (Unzips)

Just pull from the heel.

(Music intensifies) Oh! Here, pull harder. Oh, thank fuck.

Oh, hang on. There's another one.

(Cries): Why are there always two?

They come in pairs. It's okay. I have to get it off.

Please, please get up. Hee-haw.

Hee-haw.

(People gasp) (Laughs): That's what you sound like.

Oh... That was super mean.

Oh, no.

Oh, I'm doing you a favour.

Yeah, you need someone who can...

ski.

CHARLES: Ah...? Honey, is this white? Yes, it is.

It is! That's what I said. There we go.

It's white. I mean, this is white,

right? (Confused music)

I have to stop to say one thing.

I was gonna be a CEO...

of something.

(Intense drums) I just-Oh my God.

I just I want this dress off. No.

(Screams): Get it off! I want it off!

Just get it off.

Rip that dress and I'll kill you. We'll talk about this later.

Now get on with it. Barb.

I forgot to tap.

Oh! We need to stop.

I forgot to tap. Where's the cream?

We need a miracle. No, no.

What did you do to her? (Suze mumbles)

(Sings): Tap, tap, tap tippity tap

Tap, tap, tap, tap Tap, tap, tap

Ti tippy tap Tap, tap, tap, tap

Tap, ti-tippity

Tappity, tap, tap, tap SUZE: Sare.

You're okay. You're all liars.

Liars! (Music ends)

(Breathes shakily): I'm a liar, too.

Sare. Sare, it's okay. We're gonna get out of here.

But she's honest. I mean, okay, she smokes,

but she's honest. And I... I wanna be honest, too.

Yeah. I want to show you who I really am.

Oh, we see who you are.

And it is a miracle to behold.

JIMMY: The first thing I learned in the AA

is that addiction is never the fault of the addict.

Oh, can you shut your gob, Jimmy. Oh sorry, Babs.

Who the hell is that guy? SARE: Our dad.

Not dead. STEVE: What?

And I am not

you.

(People whisper urgently)

(Glass breaks) Oh, God. Sare. Sare!

Fuck. What did you take? Uh... I don't know.

Oh, my God. What? How many? A lot.

How many is a lot? A lot, a lot.

Fuck! Ah...

Okay, it's gotta come out. Come on, come on.

Ah!

(Retching) (People gasp)

(Guitar rock song) Oh, my floor!

(Kristen bellows) (Water gushes)

(Rock song plays)

(Howling): Oh, my God.

Call a doctor! Hello? Mishpocha.

We're free. (Intense, chaotic music)

Ah... Mummy? Oh! ♪ Every night

♪ I get down on my knees, oh, and I pray

♪ Chosen in the bright side I got to live

♪ Sit down (On my knees)

♪ Baby, oh please

♪ (Baby, please)

♪ I sacrifice myself to thee

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ You know I want to do

♪ You know I need to... ♪

(Sare pants)

(Sare sighs satisfied)

(Song concludes) (Suze sighs)

(Both laugh)

(They laugh uproariously)

SUZE: Oh, another one.

Oh.

(Suze cries)

(Carsie Blanton's "Lovin Is Easy", a tender pop song, plays)

♪ I'm in love with you... (Paper rustles)

♪ But it's all right... (Match strikes)

♪ I fall in love

♪ Nearly every night

♪ And it fills up my heart

♪ Till I can't keep it in...

(Sheryl chuckles excited)

Thank, God! (Laughs loudly)

♪ I'm in love with you but it's okay...

Oh, faces only a mother could love. (Laughs)

♪ I'm in love with the boys... (All laugh)

(Whispers): Tippy top.

♪ And with every good poet I happen to meet

♪ 'Cos loving is easy

♪ As taking a breath

♪ I'll do it all day

♪ Till the day of my death

♪ I don't wanna own you

♪ You don't have to stay

♪ Just as long as I've known you I wanted to say

♪ 'Cos I'm in love with you, honey

♪ But don't be afraid

♪ I fell in love with the love that we made

♪ But it's none of my business

♪ If you could love me

♪ You don't have to earn it

♪ I'm giving it free ♪

(Song ends)

Why are you looking at me like that? I'm not dead.

(Sniffs) Not yet.

I've been thinking about it.

I think you should take my eggs. (Laughs)

Are you still high on the meds? No.

I mean, yeah, but I'm serious. What?

You should think about it.

You want me to take your eggs? I mean it.

They're just gonna get thrown away.

Oh, God.

There'll be a little one of you running around?

Last thing the world needs. Mm.

I'm serious, though. Think about it.

It's a pretty good offer for a girl like you. (Snorts)

Oh, my God.

Your egg...

and a stranger's sperm. Uh...

Well, I came from a stranger and it brought me to you.

(Inhales sharply) Oh...

Will you help me raise the baby? No fucking chance.

(Both chuckle)

Aunty Sarah. I can live with that.

(Upbeat jazz music plays)

(Plane engine hums)

(Muted speech)

Ciao Angelo!

(Music continues)

Do you accept cash?

SUZE (On the phone): You're still in there?

I know it's this fucking infection,

but I feel so much better.

How's the poo situation? Haven't gone.

(Snorts) I've got a haemorrhoid the size of a golf ball.

That'll be me soon, if I'm lucky. Are you pregnant yet?

(Blows raspberry): Dunno. Gotta wait two weeks.

Two fucking weeks. (Shocked): Two weeks?

Oh, man.

Hey, got a pull out in that new place?

SUZE: I barely have a bed.

SARE: Looks like I'm sleeping with you then.

SUZE: Huh?

SARE: I might've booked a flight to come and see you.

SUZE: Oh, I thought you were broke!

Well, there were a couple of engagement rings

kicking around. (Both laugh)

SARE: Oops.

(Upbeat jazz music continues)