Original subtitles

It's about your father.

He wasn't actually your father.

What the fuc- (Chaotic music; bell rings)

Are you, Sheryl? SHERYL: There he is.

That's my father.

SHERYL: And my Suzie. (Shocked): I have a sister?

(Water pours) (Gasps): What the f-

Would you look at the size of that ring, Suzie?

Getting married in the fall. Steve.

Steve, I can't talk. I'm pooping.

I need your opinion on "Save The Date" stationery.

Mhm. SUZE: Mam?

What happened? Where's Deryl?

(Sniffs): He's not well, Suze.

He's not well? He's a fucking psychopath.

Morning, Susan. Fuck off, Deryl.

(Gasps) Shit. Are you sure you know how to drive this?

You want to find your long lost father?

(Determined upbeat song) (Horn sounds)

(Suze yawns loudly, then yells frustratedly)

What if he doesn't like me? What if you don't like him?

You're gorgeous. You sure you're mine? (Laughs nervously)

He's sober. He wants to make up for lost time.

Jimmy!? Get off of her!

Get your fucking hands away from me. You fucking American slut.

I always thought nothing good could come from him.

But she came from him.

She made me feel like there's some fucking hope out there.

I'm gonna go get your ring back.

See you back at the van. SARE: Okay.

What the fuck?

(Beethoven's "Piano Convert No.1" plays, a vibrant melody)

(Triumphant trumpets join in)

(Car horns beep)

(Music continues) SHOP ASSISTANT: Need a hand?

Are we ready?

Yeah, one sec.

(Assistant gasps)

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I am speechless.

It's good, isn't it? What do you think, Kristen?

It's just...

I'm jealous and I don't say that lightly.

It is just the teensiest bit tight around the waist.

Shall I get my measuring tape? No, no.

Everyone drops five the week of. It will be perfect.

I love that it's... It's not too weddingy, you know.

It's classic.

You could dye it black for a funeral.

Oh...

(All laugh)

(Music intensifies)

(Laughs awkwardly)

(Hums to the baby, baby coos)

MAN: I'm home. (Door shuts)

Shh!

(Whispers): She's asleep. (Whispers): Hey, you.

My gorgeous girl. (Music fades)

Thank you for staying late. I know, we're into overtime.

She's out of sorts. I gave her some medicine.

Oh, you're amazing. Yeah. And, uh...

Would you mind paying me for last week?

That was one time. Yeah, well just do it.

Thanks, Suze.

(Whimsical music)

(Train screeches)

ANNOUNCER: The next train will be delayed by 45 minutes.

Ah fuck...

VOICE MAIL: You have one new message.

WOMAN: Hello, Ms Horowitz, it's the gynaecologist calling you.

You missed your appointment again.

We need to reschedule you yet again. Please call us back.

(She sighs deeply)

(Emotional music)

(Sighs)

(Whimsical music; dog barks in distance)

(Under her breath): Fuck.

(Chatter inside)

Oh, God.

(Loudly): Oh, fuck!

(To herself): Can you get HIV from a pissy needle?

Eww...

(Groans then sighs)

(Inhales in pain)

Ooh.

Ding dong. Oh, come in. (Chuckles nervously)

It's a knockout.

You are a knockout. Oh, thank you.

You know, my mother wasn't at my wedding either.

Oh, that's I just want to say:

I am available to you. I want you to feel

like I'm your mother, too.

Oh. You know, I always wanted a daughter.

I kept popping them out,

thinking, this time it will be a girl. (Laughs)

I couldn't risk a fourth circumcision. I was done.

Passed out all three times.

It was all Charles. He was so set on a matchy matchy teeny weeny.

But look, I'm so glad I did it, because

who would have known that my son would marry a Jew!

Oh! And I would have

little Jewish grandbabies.

Yay! Too early for martinis?

Never. That's my girl.

See you in a sec.

(Gentle city buzz)

(Dog barks in distance)

(Chatter on TV)

(Door clicks open and shuts)

(Footsteps approach)

SUZE: Mam...

Oh, Suzie.

Oh, God. (Sheryl breathes shakily)

They said that the coffin has to be closed.

On account of... Well, you know. (Sighs)

I'll never see his lovely face again.

And and he was gonna be my plus one.

Your plus one? For what?

(Sheryl breathes shakily)

Came last week.

I didn't want to show you.

What with everything you had going on.

I got one, too.

She's marrying Steve? Yeah. That lovely little fella.

Well, Jesus. Good luck with that. Oh, Suzie.

I don't know what you did to that poor girl, but...

isn't she the bigger person?

I didn't do anything to her.

Right. Nothing between you for 18 months.

Listen,

I'm gonna go to bed.

You should, too, okay?

Right.

Good night.

(Water runs)

(Inquisitive music)

(She sighs)

(North American accent): Here we go...

Good luck charm? Mhm.

Can you scooch down for me a little bit? Mhm.

Just a little bit more. Okay.

Little further. (Inhales)

You know the drill. It's gonna be cold. Nice deep breath out, in.

In. (Exhales and winces)

There we go. Okay. Ooh, look at this uterus!

It's beautiful. Heart shaped. Mhm...

Are you Canadian? (Laughs)

You're the first person in 15 years not to ask me

if I'm American. I'm from Vancouver.

My-my sister lives in Toronto.

I haven't seen her for a long time.

I hope your sister knows how brave you are.

I couldn't do it. Which bit?

Oh, the whole kid bit. Dog mom only for me.

God, you're so sure. Oh, I've always known.

If you could bottle that, you'd be a rich woman.

I work in fertility. I already am.

(Laughs sarcastically): Yep. (Laughs)

All right, some more pressure. Ooh, God.

I hope it all works out for you,

and your sister will have to come home and be an auntie.

All right, coming out. There we go. (Wheezes in pain)

Well, it all looks good. Don't forget to take off your necklace.

Oh, yeah. Name and patient number?

Uh, Susan Molloy, 71236.

You consent to me inserting a suppository into your rectum

during the procedure?

In for a penny... Answer yes or no.

Oh... Yeah. Yes.

Now for the best bit. Cocktail hour.

Count back from ten.

(Breathes relaxed): Ten, nine...

SARE: Death.

Death.

Death...

is coming for all of us.

I lost my mother to cancer almost two years ago now.

We are nowhere with this stuff.

And if the cancer doesn't get us, then global warming surely will.

Uh... (Chuckles nervously)

Uh, that was just my attempt at some Irish humour.

(All laugh) I'm half Irish, so...

Culturally practising that. Uh... (Clears throat)

Uh...

I'm getting married next week. Aww!

Ooh. (Chuckles)

And my mother won't be at my wedding.

(Emotional music)

She'd say that knowledge is most important

because it's the only thing they can't take away from you.

And the truth is, I never met a more intelligent woman

Person, she would say "person". (All chuckle)

Um, but when it came to her health...

Oh, my God, she was so stubborn.

She would skip smears and mammograms.

I mean, sister of a gynaecologist!

She always had some elaborate excuse.

And I think we've all learned that

the best medicine is the preventative kind.

And that is why we are all here today to support

my incredible Auntie Shelly's charity.

So that we can ensure women all over the world

have access to the technology that they need to save their lives.

(Crunches) Mhm.

(Door opens)

(Murmurs cheerfully)

(Both chuckle)

So we managed to get six eggs.

Yay! But...

none of them matured.

(Emotional music) Oh...

I'm sorry.

But... I did all the things you said, I-

I've been living like a saint. Oh, none of this is your fault.

I I won't lie to you. It's unusual not to get any mature,

viable eggs.

However many women have gone through this

and have gone on to have very healthy children.

It's not the end of the road. It's just a bump, okay?

So, we'll book you for some more tests and another round.

Thanks.

I can get you more biscuits if you want. (Scoffs)

Here's your card. Thanks.

The nurse said you have bins for these. Needles out in the hall.

Okay cool. Fucking cocksucker! (Music intensifies)

(Music ends)

This is so generous of you.

What's money for if not for cancer?

And thank you for hosting. It's the least I could do.

We're meshugana now. Oh, mishpocha, you mean...

(Both laugh) Yes, good one. Good try.

She just gave me $50,000 like she was picking up my lunch tab.

Come on. She means well. (Shelly sighs)

You okay? How's the wedding prep coming?

Yeah, great.

Your mom would be proud of you. No, she wouldn't.

She hated weddings.

BOTH: "Did you know they used to trade women for sheep?"

(Both laugh) She just wanted you to be happy. Well, I am.

Well, that's settled then.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

(Woman chuckles)

Oh, Auntie Shelly, would I be able to get you to write me

a prescription?

Just for some beta blockers? It's just a bit of pre-wedding anxiety.

Sure. No problem. Thanks. Thank you.

And you're still booked in with Dr Friedman, right?

He's the best gyno in the country. Well, after me.

Yeah. All booked.

You have to stay on top of this. I know.

Given your history. Yeah, I know.

I know it sounds scary having your bits removed,

but you have the gene, cookie dough.

You have a very high risk of developing what your mother had.

Yeah, I know, I know. You look so much like her when you frown.

That's better. Bye. Love you.

Don't slouch. Ugh.

(Upbeat whimsical music)

(Music ends)

SUZE: Deryl? DERYL: What?

SUZE: Where the fuck are you? DERYL: What d'you want?

SUZE: Deryl! Deryl! Where the fuck (Thud; she gasps)

(Exhales deeply)

(Sighs): Fuck.

(Sombre church music)

(Woman cries hysterically)

YOUNGER WOMAN: Ma, how will you ever get by without him?

God bless.

May he sit at the right hand of God.

The Lord would be lucky to have him.

SHERYL: God, would you look at her over there?

What am I? Chopped liver? MA BAKER: Don't mind that floozy.

Move along, Dolores.

(Dolores cries)

Don't know if you'll ever get over this.

I don't think I will, Declan. (Weeps)

You know, he named an ice cream after me.

Just like you, it was thick and fruity.

He was my husband. He was my son.

He broke my heart. He ripped me in two.

Came out of me sideways.

In order for a mother to bond with her son,

she has to know the pain of delivering him into this world.

It'll be you next. I beg your pardon?

Sorry... That's something they say at weddings, isn't it?

(She weeps performatively)

(Sheryl cries performatively)

(Soft whimsical music joins the church song)

(Whimsical music intensifies)

SUZE: Mam? Mam. (Sheryl pants and sighs)

(Softly): Mam, why did you take everything out of the van?

I'm tired of seeing all of these bad things.

I need something nice before I die.

Deryl, you so wanted to see Niagara Falls.

Oh, Ma. (Sheryl whimpers)

Will we go, Suzie?

To the wedding? I can't.

I-I'm broke.

Oh. But she sent she sent us flights and everything.

I don't know. Oh, Suzie.

Your sister needs you on her special day.

Please, let's go. Oh, please, let's go. Please.

Okay, I'll go. (Breathes shakily)

If you get rid of this shit can.

It's a liability. Oh, Suzie!

A girl's trip! Let's have an ice cream to celebrate.

SUZE: All right, go on. Oh ho ho! Suzie, I can't believe it.

There's only one tub left. Treat yourself.

Mint chocolate chip. It'll do.

I want some of them jelly babies as well.

(Sweets rustle) Mhm.

Hang on a sec... (Gasps) What?

(Inquisitive music) That's odd.

Suzie...

(Shocked): Oh! (Objects clatter)

What was he charging for Cornettos?

Oh, my God.

Oh! (Music ends)

(Heavy thud)

I've never seen that much money. It's quite weird.

God, maybe we should report it to the Gaurds.

Wha? But that's...

That's Deryl's money from all the ice cream he sold.

Mam, cop on. There must be 50 grand there.

(Sheryl breathes shakily)

(Metallic clinks)

(Pants): Here. You know I've got a bad back.

Oh, God. (Breathes shakily): Take it.

We'll put it in a cake tin.

(Dreamy music)

SARE: You know, I-I keep having this dream

where I'm I'm trying to wake her

because I have to tell her something urgently,

but she's dead.

It doesn't take Freud. It's obvious. I'm afraid of regrets.

Maybe I would have done things differently, but, like,

it went the way it went. Things happened for a reason.

MAN: You didn't feel you had a choice? I mean, yes, I did.

But no, it didn't really feel that way at the time.

Anyway, she was probably relieved that I left.

She never asked for any of this. Neither did you.

Yeah, but I chose to find our father, which led me to her.

I mean, she could have lived her whole life

never knowing I existed. The messenger always gets shot.

So, you got out before she could shoot you?

Yeah.

Okay, let's say that I'm her. What would you want to say to me?

No, I I... Yeah, come on, just try it. Just try it.

Okay, um...

I'm sorry.

And what else?

And, I...

Love you. And I...

Need you in my life. (Emotional music)

You feel better? Yeah, I...

I actually do feel a little bit better.

I learned that in therapy. (Music cuts)

It's called a do over. You do therapy?

Yeah, of course. Who doesn't? Right. No, I...

Ah! Here you go. Oh, fuck.

Twenty five Xanies. Yeah. Thank you. How much do I owe you?

The usual. Fuck, you're a lifesaver.

I'll send you my therapist's name. She's super great.

Oh, that's really sweet, but I don't really think I need therapy

Fuck, I've gotta take this. Sorry. (Whimsical music)

Hey, honey. STEVE: Hey, sweetie. I'm running late.

See you at the house? You bet.

How's the hair? The what?

Aren't you at the salon? Oh, the hair.

Yeah, no, it's it's fab. Hey, you're fab. Love you.

(Cute voice): Oh, love you too.

Fuck. Do you know how to do an updo?

(Plane engine whizzes loudly)

I am so sorry.

But it was very, very quick, which is such a blessing.

I normally have to charge in coach, but...

(Sheryl gasps)

(She sighs)

Oh, you're very good.

Mm.

Mam, what's that smell?

I don't smell anything.

Oh, aren't they a handsome couple?

(Chuckles ironically): Sare and Steve.

You never had me as your wallpaper.

Their babies are going to be so cute.

Hm.

I wish Deryl and me had had children.

When are you going to wake up? He was a psycho.

He was not. Mam, he broke your ribs.

(Scoffs)

Well, you're not so perfect yourself.

(Chuckles)

(Crunches loudly and chuckles happily)

(Inquisitive music)

SUZE (On video): Deryl? DERYL: What?

Deryl? Where the fuck are you? What?

What d'you want? Deryl!

(He grunts and groans, squished; music turns overwhelming)

(Music cuts out)

Ladies, there is quite a strong fishy smell coming from your area.

We're getting complaints.

Oh, Suzie. That'll be the salmon for Steve's family.

Oh. Oh, God.

Oh, Jesus, Mam! Oh, fucking hell.

(All gasp in disgust) Oh, God, no!

Sorry, everybody.

You brought fucking salmon to Canada?

Is that wrong? Oh, Jesus.

ANNOUNCEMENT: Welcome to Toronto Pearson.

Are you sure this is Canada?

Fuck, it's Baltic.

There's a man with a sign. Oh, yeah.

Are you Suze? Yeah.

Hey! Where's Steve?

And you must be Sheryl. So nice to meet you.

(Man chuckles happily) Are you are you the driver?

I guess so. Welcome to Toronto.

Oh, we thought Steve was picking us up.

I am Steve. Go away outta that.

You're so pale. What?

Sorry, who are you? I-I'm Steve, Sare's fiancé.

Yeah. The car's not too far. Here, you take this.

There you go. And I will...

Interesting. Yeah, it's this way. Here we go.

(Whimsical drum music)

SUZE: Who the fuck is this dude?

(Door shuts) Mmm...

(Shocked): Your hair! Thank God for trials. Uh...

No, it's all wrong. Wear it down with that dress.

I'll call my woman. Okay.

Why don't you pop up and change for dinner?

Oh, I wasn't going to change.

(Sing song): Left something special on the bed for you.

Okay. Thank you, Barbara. You're welcome.

(Intriguing drums)

(Sheryl gasps excitedly)

Would you look at that, Suzie?

It's like something out of a fairy tale.

Oh! SUZE: Jesus Christ...

(Music ends) Oh!

That is so much better. Oh, that's lovely.

Thank you, Charles. (Door bell rings)

Sare, would you be a darling and answer the door?

I think it's our neighbour.

He's probably selling us... The tax shelter stuff. It just.

We're really not up for that, darling. Sure.

CHARLES: Thank you.

Oh! She doesn't know you're coming.

Oh! Yeah, it's a surprise.

Early wedding present. She's gonna be so psyched.

SUZE: Oh, God, no. (Sheryl gasps)

Surprise! (Ominous bell toll)

What the fu-

♪ While I'm alive

♪ Will you treat me right If you're so inclined?

♪ Will you give me time To be what I can be?

♪ And when I die Will you give my eyes to the blind?

♪ Will you give my mind To psychiatry?

♪ Do I look relaxed?

♪ If I ever get To see their backs

♪ Or panic attacks That would please me much

♪ Do I look lost?

♪ Like a cartoon Christ Upon the cross... ♪