Original subtitles

totsuzen sugiru mune no kodou

afureru mama ni tsutaetai

ugokidashiteru omoi mo jikan mo

itoshii anata ni mukatte

mayonaka ni hikaridasu call

matteita hontou wa ne zutto

Yeah yeah yeah yeah

ki wo tsukete kizutsukanai you ni

demo chotto kirai ja nai

kou iu story ii yo

iraira shiteta

mae ni susumenai de ita

kinou no jibun ni

saisho wa itsumo

tomadoinagara dakara yurushite

totsuzen sugiru mune no kodou

afureru mama ni tsutaetai

ugokidashiteru omoi mo jikan mo

futari no mirai ni mukatte

BPS Married Off? Meaningless Marriage Interview with Sae-Sensei

U-Um...

What can I do you for, Amano?

It looks like you're feeling a bit down, sensei.

It does?

You're not? I'm sorry!

No, it's just personal stuff. I've got a thing on Sunday that I'm not looking forward to at all.

That's all.

Oh, really?

Anyway, do you like anyone at the moment, Amano?

Huh?

Any special fellas?

Nobody.

Not even that Kawahara boy from before? The middle-schooler?

No...not Kawahara-senpai.

Sorry to keep you. It's late! Skedaddle!

Yeah!

Take care!

Bye, Sensei!

Marriage interview...

Thanks for today, Shirase-senpai!

Thank you!

Thanks!

Wha-?

What's going on here?

Hrmlbrl...

Whaddya drngle?!

Where y'think y'walkin'??

Where do YOU think you're sleeping?

Where'm sleepin'?

IN TH'STREET!

Y'GOTTA PROBLEM W'THAT?

Uh...Shirase-senpai?

Huh? OH! OHHHH!

So do you come round here often?

My university's here.

So whaddya do fr a job?

Computer stuff...kinda...

You were great at computers even in high school.

What about you?

Me? I'm a schoolteacher.

I remember you saying you wanted to be a teacher.

Forget all that. Are y'married or anything?

Ah, I'm, er, not married, but...

Ah, okay...

But guys can put it off, can't they?

Recently my mom won't let up. Get married, get married, blah blah blah.

I'm headin' home.

Hey, Motoki...

Byeeeee!

Hey!

Um, excuse me sir?

You haven't seen a white bicycle around here, have you?

Nope.

Hideki?

Yes, my king!

About the plan for our next project...

Yes? About the plan for our next project...

What do you think about targeting the bridal industry?

The bridal industry? What's brought this on all of a sudden?

Isn't that just a subset of online dating sites?

No! Kyaratech mottos, go!

Yessir! One, always pay cash with a smile! Two, 50% true is basically 100% true.

Three, our subjectivity is objective. Four, it's not a lie until you apologize for it.

Five, do anything to make a profit. Six, always act on instinct.

Seven, cute is what we aim for. That's all, my king!

Very good. Our goal is to use every electronic

technique at our disposal to aid each and every client.

Yessir.

Bear with me for a moment. Imagine a well-educated,

wealthy man who, through pure bad luck, has no romantic connections.

If he goes looking on his own, of course, his chances of finding something are good.

However, in this age of instant noodles, you can't rule out the possibility that

some people may be looking for an instant marriage, even instant reproduction.

That is where our company steps in.

Ohh...

I've actually already completed the spec docs in my head.

My brain is truly outstanding, if I do say so myself.

Get started right away.

Yessir.

Ugh...l really want to get married...

Oh! Welcome back, Onii-chan!

I didn't know you'd be here, Misao.

Grandma! Onii-chan's here!

M-My sister??

She just turned up out of the blue.

Akira.

Y-Yes?

Why haven't you been home in years?

Well, work's been slammed...

That's a total lie.

You spend most of your time asleep.

You are an heir of the Shirase family. Not to mention your father's last will and testament.

How long will you keep living this self-indulgent lifestyle?

Self-indulgent is a bit harsh...

Akira! Self-indulgent is a bit harsh...

Y-yes!

For a scion of the Shirase family, which dates back to the Muromachi period, to behave like this

is a slap in the face to your mother and father — no, to all your ancestors.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Yes.

You will attend an arranged marriage interview.

Huh?

Tomorrow morning. Ten o'clock. Don't be late.

Un, deux, trois...

Shush now.

It's certainly taking him a long time.

Dreadfully sorry to keep you waiting!

Mr. Shirase's preparations are all ready.

Ah, I am the expert bridal consultant here at the New Beautiful Narashino The Great Hotel.

Akizuki, at your service.

This suits you so well, Mr. Shirase.

Well now. Don't you scrub up well, Akira.

If you dressed like this all the time, you could hold your head high wherever you went.

Ow!

There's still a little time, I believe?

Yes, the young lady is just being fitted now.

You must be thirsty, Misao-chan.

Run along and buy some juice. Grandma's treat.

Okay!

Oh, me too!

Let's go, Onii-chan!

However old he gets, he's still just a child.

If I grow a little more, Onii-chan and I will look more balanced together.

What are you doing?

Oh, haha, nothing!

That suit really looks good on you!

Thanks. You look good too.

A power cut?

More of a power flicker.

We apologize for the brief power outage.

We have a message for Mr. Akira Shirase. Preparations for your meeting are complete.

Please make your way to the waiting room.

They're calling you, Onii-chan. You have to go! Please make your way to the waiting room.

Blarrrgh. I'm sorry, I don't feel so good.

Give my apologies to your grandma.

Onii-chan! Where are you going?

Onii-chan! What are you doing?

Everyone's waiting for you!

Nooo, I don't WANNA.

When I get married, they'll whisk me off back to the countryside.

Pull yourself together, Onii-chan. It's not the end of the world.

I really hate stuff like this. Agh, I'm so nervous.

Hey, tell your grandma that I can't come out.

Tell her I was caught in a mine explosion.

This isn't a mine, though.

Then tell her I got caught in the pyroclastic flow from a phreatic eruption...

This isn't a volcano.

Then tell her the cooling pipes ruptured and there was a fatal radiation leak...

This isn't a nuclear power plant.

Hnnngh...

Oh come ON, Onii-chan!

Hnnngh, I don't WANNA!

I don't wanna, I don't wanna.

Is there another girl you like?

What's wrong, Misao-chan?

Onii-chan, I...

Misao-chan?

Are you feeling ill?

I'll fetch your grandma.

No...Stay here. I feel...weird...

Excuse me! Akizuki here, the bridal consultant.

Apologies for intruding on your relaxation, but-

Wh-What's going on?

Shakuhachi

I can't believe the guy we need for such an important job,

not to mention who's waiting to go into a marriage interview,

is harboring this level of sexual deviancy.

How old can the girl be?!

Give me a full-chested woman any day! Someone like that foreign actress Isabelle Adjani.

But no, no, there's nobody else we could get to take on such a difficult assignment.

Open up! Please open up! There's nothing for it — I have to put aside common

decency and pretend I didn't see anything at all.

Huh? What happened?

Oh. I'll go on ahead.

I must remember, we're dealing with extralegal measures here.

Extralegal Measures

For the sake of this unusual situation, I should swallow my

feelings and put aside the life of one poor, unfortunate girl...

Agghhh, this is terrible, I'm the worst.

Just a terrible, pathetic bridal consultant...

My parents back home...

My ex-wife...

My beautiful, large-breasted second wife...

They're laughing at my pitiful choice. Go ahead and laugh!

I've decided I didn't see anything.

So, er...

I'm very sorry.

Since the other day, strange things have been happening one after the other.

Advance Notice of Crimes

Using my genius intellect, I have developed a technique

that uses specific low-energy brainwave engineering

to cause attraction between nearby men and women whether they want it to or not!

I call it the High Aphrodisiac System, or HAS.

I'm happy to announce that the New Beautiful

Narashino The Great Hotel has been selected

as the glorious first test case for Kyaratech entering the bridal industry.

I have no doubt at all that business will thrive because of this.

The name "New Beautiful Narashino The Great Hotel"

will echo throughout the world as a palace of love.

Expect my invoice at a later date. Love, the King of America.

What is this?

An Advance Notice of Crimes!

Since this email arrived the other day, weird things have been happening at this hotel.

At a wedding yesterday, the bride's mother and the groom's

father declared their love for each other. It was a big mess.

Not to mention that the hotel employees have been having affairs with each other...

I started to suspect that, just like the letter says,

someone was controlling people's minds from outside. So I did some investigating.

And now you want me to help? Why not just close the hotel and go to the police?

Close the hotel??

We have too many rivals who would seize on any unsavory rumors!

I consulted Professor Hayashi, who gave me your name, Shirase-sensei.

Are you the famous genius programmer BPS or not?

I have to go.

Lend us your strength, I beg you.

As a reward, we're prepared to offer a generous cash payment, a stay in one of our luxury suites,

Don't need it. and a fabulous dinner-hey!

Then what about a life-sized catgirl body pillow cover with a

special drawing by the famous doujin artist Nekomimini Mimizuku?

This was part of a limited run of 30 copies that was only sold at a trade fair three years ago...

It was hard to get!

Deal.

Oh, Onii-chan, you're finally here!

Yeah, sorry.

Who's this?

Whoa, Motoki?

Huh?? Shirase-senpai?

Don't tell me... No, it can't be! Why?

What are you doing here?

Look, about the other night-

OH MY! HASN'T IT BEEN A LONG TIME? IT'S ME, SAE MOTOKI!

Uh, but we met the other night?

I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about! It's been ages and ages!

She...doesn't remember?

How do you know Sae-sensei, Onii-chan?

We were in the same club in high school.

Only for a year, though.

Oh, I see!

Amano's relative... Don't tell me...

YOU'RE who I'm having the interview with??

Uh, yeah, I guess so...

What have we here, then? It looks like the conversation's already in full bloom.

We've prepared a space for you, so please come with me if you don't mind.

So what's your plan, Shirase-sensei?

From the sounds of it, HAS only works in a pinpoint area.

And it seems like right before each activation, there's a brief power outage.

Yes, just for a moment.

Could the electrical wiring in the walls be giving off electromagnetic waves that

use specific inductive stimuli to interfere with people's brain waves?

You were probably chosen because the power supply

for this building was the most compatible with their system.

I see. Well, not really.

Captain, we've lost the objective. Do you want to continue the search?

It's no use. They'll just use noise to jam us. Looks like a stalemate.

Not much we can do now. Surface and await further orders.

Roger. Surfacing.

Everyone, take a 15-minute break.

This is rather tough, isn't it?

That's just how it is.

It's not really my idea of fun, but it's got to be done.

Nevertheless, we've achieved remarkable results in just a month of deployment.

That's down to your skill, Captain.

I'm sure the Vice-Admiral is delighted too.

Flattery will get you nowhere.

My king!

The search wave seems to have passed us by. Resuming operations.

They are infuriatingly persistent.

It looks to be UNIT, US Naval Intelligence's cybercrimes division.

Tch. They've been after us a lot recently.

Yes. We've seen an increasing number of projects

run into obstacles due to Naval Intelligence's activities.

Hmph. It feels like they've brought in a competent new commander.

Deploy some jamming noise just in case.

Yessir.

Let them have their fun.

This morning's marriage interview was blocked by UNIT's search wave,

and the attack just now only had enough power for half the intended effect.

The substation buffer will be perfect this time.

You know, this system really is an incredible invention.

Controlling people's thoughts remotely...amazing.

We'll be able to develop it into a system for

making government officials do whatever you want!

I haven't thought about using this system for anything but

making men and women get all lovey-dovey together.

'Coz it's boring.

Boring? Right...

I guess you don't think that it's important to get men and women together like that?

Huh?

In manga they always have a situation where they're stuck together in an elevator.

Huh...

Where's the hotel's elevator control system?

And the Shirase family has a marvelous house too, don't you?

I heard you can trace your ancestry back to the Muromachi period!

Apparently, the residence was a salon where artists

and celebrities from Tokyo would come and gather.

The family has produced a great many doctors and politicians.

That certainly is a distinguished background! Oho ho ho ho!

I'm sorry to interrupt your chat, but food will be served shortly in the Phoenix Hall.

Please make your way there now.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

Senpai, the shutters have closed!

Weird... These are fire shutters.

The elevator's right on time!

This is strange, plain and simple. A trap, maybe?

Let's go!

We stopped...

Is it broken?

I wonder if someone did this from outside.

Well, there's not much we can do about it.

Let's just calm down and wait for someone to come rescue us.

l...I guess you're right.

By the way, it's pretty crazy that you're Amano's uncle! I had no idea!

I'm not her uncle, I'm her GREAT-uncle.

Her mom Kotoe is my niece.

That's...kinda complicated.

So you're the teacher who uses the camel clutch wrestling move on misbehaving boys.

You haven't changed a bit.

I-l haven't?

You little-

Here's your bag.

Not injured, are ya?

Y'know, it's really dangerous around here. Kids have gotta be careful.

Haha! I can't believe you remember that.

I was pretty surprised when my friend invited me

to the astronomy club and you were there.

I was such a bad student — I'd never have made it

to university without you checking my work.

By the way, what have you been doing since you graduated high school?

Ah, well I joined a vocational school for computer stuff for a bit.

But it wasn't what I expected, so I dropped out and restarted at university.

I see. Sounds like a lot happened.

Do you remember stargazing on the roof of the school? It was so cold.

Here you go.

Thanks.

Lieutenant, connect me to the outside telephone line.

Roger that.

Ready for you.

Hey, Misao-chan!

It's me, Yoriko.

How's Onii-chan's marriage interview going?

What's the girl like?

Huh? What? Sae-sensei?!

Onii-chan was her senpai in high school!

And right there's a...

What?

You're breaking up!

Onii-chan and Sae-sensei are trapped in an elevator! He-

A spike...

Executive Officer! Set a course at once!

It's happening...

Motoki...?

What do you think of me, senpai?

Wait, does Motoki like me?

No, stupid, of course not. It's just that system taking effect. This is bad.

For now, I need to put up some kind of shield...

Using parallel compile.

Everyone thinks I'm this uncomplicated person, but...

The truth is that's totally wrong.

Uh-oh. I'm started to get feelings for her too.

I always regret not being honest about how I really feel...

I need to set up this shield as quickly as possible!

Even that day...

Full power!

Yessir!

Hideki, no video yet?

Coming through now.

Gah, this is worse quality than MP4.

Oh, looks like somebody is jamming us.

What? Who?!

I used to be in love with someone, but it didn't work out.

He was married...I'm such an idiot.

I really fell for him, so I couldn't break it off.

His wife got pregnant, so he stopped seeing me.

I cried a lot. When you said before that I hadn't changed since you knew me...

That was totally wrong.

I really liked you, Senpai, but you never noticed me.

And I could never tell you how I felt.

I felt the same way... Things don't always work out how you want them to.

Anyway, I've come to repay the favor I owe you.

I'll leave the rest up to you. Say hi to Sae-sensei for me! Bye!

My king! UNIT have set up an ambush!

What? How did they know what we were up to?

Intelligence Torpedo confirmed. UNIT have sent in a Caulking Virus!

This is bad! At this rate, we'll be hit by that Microwave Buster Virus!

No! It turns all your opponent's electronics into microwave

ovens and completely fries anyone using them!

DO something!

There's nothing I can do! They're using a pinpoint

attack that originates in multiple global servers!

The circuit is locked! Our power supply's been cracked — I can't shut it off!

What the hell?!

Fire.

We've been hit. Infection confirmed. We're done for!

Hideki! Abandon ship! Emergency evacuation!

Yessir!

I didn't make a backuuuup...

Onii-chan! Sensei! Are you okay?

Oh, it was terrible. Sorry to worry you.

Ah, I guess my feelings are unrequited after all.

Morning! Hi!

Morning, Sensei!

Good morning.

Good morning Sensei!

Good morning Amano.

How's your Onii-chan?

Same as always.

I see, I see!

Well then, let's see what today has in store for us!

Lalalalalalalalalalalala

Ai wa Pure enough mitsumeaeba

kiseki ga umareru

Tokubetsu ja nai de mo kokochi ii

sonna Harmony kanadete yuku no

Starry night ikusen no toki wo koete

meguriau aoi kirameki ga

Lonely nights kizutsuita sono imi sae

mune no naka tokashiteku

Ah dare yori soba ni ite kureru

nukumori no Realize

ima koso

Don't be shy sunao na kimochi tokihanatte

I love you more and more chikaku tooku

hibikiau Rhythm

Atarashikute de mo natsukashii

sonna Melody utaitsuzukeru

Next time:

Oh my, I need to say sorry somehow.

Shirase has a run-in with a beautiful hostess.

But just what is her deal?

So EVEN YOU managed to make a "friend" who's a girl.

BPS you dirty dog, be careful.

And what about the mysterious shadow that appears?

Infatuated BPS! Honey Trap and Day Trip Kidnapping

Onii-chan, is it over already?

I won't accept that this is the end. There WILL be a second and third season of BPS!

I promise I'll never forget you, Onii-chan.

BPS, Battle Programmer Shirase, Episode 5. End of the first season!

Last episode, mau mau! We shall return!