Original subtitles

It's so exhausting being this gorgeous.

I'm the most beautiful woman in all the lands, and I have been for a very, very

long time. I really have been defining beauty for so long. I don't even know

I need to ask, but I might as well just for fun.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the sexiest of them all?

Hello, what's taking so long?

Hold.

A lovely peen, I see.

She's got a gentle grace.

Might be prettier than thee.

Mirror, take me to her, now!

Bye, Sleepy. Bye, Horny.

Bye, Grumpy. Bye, Drooly.

Don't worry, I'll be fine here by myself.

So you must be Snow White.

I'm the queen.

Oh, hi.

Nice to meet you, your majesty.

Where'd you get this mirror from?

Is it magic?

Why, yes.

Yes, it is.

This place isn't going to magically clean itself.

Now get to it.

I'm going to show you a little more magic.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, left aside once and for all.

Bring in here who can decide who's the sexiest one alive.

Your Majesty, it is an honor.

What brings me here?

You're here to decide who's sexier, me or her.

Well, you guys are both so sexy.

In order to have an honest and substantial decision, I must run a lot

between you two.

Well, get to it, and you, get back to work.

Okay.

This will help me win.

I can't wait to make my potion.

It'll ensure that I win.

You're doing a terrible job.

Clean better.

Um, okay. I'm sorry.

Don't say sorry. Just do it.

You're doing a terrible job.

I want this place spotless. I want it immaculate. It is so disgusting.

It's putrid.

Okay, is this a little bit better?

Slightly. I wouldn't say much.

Keep going.

Okay. I want it thoroughly cleaned.

Okay. Every last speck of dust needs to be cleaned up.

I'm going.

You better be. Keep going, peasant.

So where did you come from again?

I'm from a kingdom not too far from here.

It is truly an honor to be in your presence, your highness.

I've been really looking forward to meet you.

Well, of course it's an honor.

I'm the queen.

Anyone would be honored to be in my presence.

I do concur, your highness.

Everyone in the kingdom looks up to you.

You're just so graceful and powerful.

Oh, believe me, I know.

You're just lucky that I'm letting you bask in my presence.

Keep going with that broom and don't get it so close to the candle. If you start

a fire, I'm going to be furious.

I'm doing my best.

Well, try harder.

I think it needs a little bit more of this.

Keep cleaning, peasant.

Get all of that off the floor.

That is so disgusting.

What is even wrong with your friends?

Why are they like this and why is everything in here so small?

I don't know. I haven't really asked them.

This town is so absolutely annoying.

I can't believe it's filled with so many village idiots.

Is your palace as idiotic, Prince?

Well, our education system is going very well lately.

You know, SAT scores are pretty high.

I guess that's decent.

So... Snow, why is this place filled with so many tiny things?

Why is everything so small and pathetic?

Oh, that's because my friends, the dwarves, they're really little.

Those people?

Yeah, they're really nice.

There's Sleepy, he sleeps a lot.

There's Sneezy, he sneezes a lot.

There's Grumpy, he's mad a lot.

And there's Horny, he fucks a lot.

Wow.

That's a lot of useless information that I didn't read.

Well, it seems I've made my first decision.

And what is it?

Well, Mirror Mirror, Snow White wins the first one.

What?

Careful inspection and, you know, with careful consideration, Your Highness, I

believe she wins this one.

I have something for you. A delicious red apple. Thank you, your highness.

It looks so wonderful.

Taste it.

It's delicious.

It's delicious?

I need to change that recipe.

I already know. My kingdom's the greatest.

It's so big.

It's the biggest one in the land.

And I know every last inch of it.

I know all of it. From corner to corner.

I know all of my people.

They say size doesn't matter, but it really does.

Which is why these chairs being so tiny and pathetic gets on my last nerve.

I need something big. Something comfortable.

You're so pathetic.

Lean better.

Gee, you really don't know what you're doing, do you?

Stupid girl.

Lean better.

You're missing some of the dust.

That is disgusting.

You better get every last bit of dust.

I think it's so amazing that you know your kingdom so well, Your Highness.

Every royal should know their kingdom so well.

It's part of the job.

If you don't, you're clearly not doing your job right.

Keep going.

A little faster.

You're doing such a bad job at that.

I don't see how anybody can find you attractive when you can't even keep

You need to get all of the dust.

Okay.

Is that far over your highness?

Slightly. I wouldn't say much.

Get every last speck of dust.

That's a little better.

I wouldn't say much, but at least there's some minor improvement.

Well,

maybe I'd be satisfied if you worked harder.

Well, keep going until it's done right.

Do what you can until it's done done.

Go over there. Clean over there.

Out of my face.

This

is

crazy. I need a break.

How are you? You look so down.

Look, I know the queen can be a little mean sometimes, but she is our queen.

You know, she looks after our kingdom.

Well, it's just confusing because she's so mean to me, and then she gives me

this, this little present, an apple.

She gave me one, too. They're pretty delicious.

What a cutie, right?

Yeah, it may not seem like it, but she really does care about her kingdom.

She just wants to be too perfect sometimes.

She's just so bossy.

Well, that's what a queen has to be.

Don't the apples taste great?

Hmm.

But you know, apples aren't really my favorite fruit.

I prefer mangoes or kiwis.

Or if I'm really thirsty, watermelon.

Mirror, mirror, I've made another decision.

The queen wins this one.

I knew I'd win.

You are doing such a terrible job. Look at this mess.

You still missed stuff on the floor. There's piles at my feet.

My bad.

You need to get them cleaned up snow.

Clean it.

Okay. Working on it.

You're not working on the pile I told you to work on.

I'm just, like, really busy with this chair.

Keep polishing that chair.

I didn't say you could stop cleaning.

I want you to get every little bit of dust, dirt...

Grind off of that chair.

It needs to be spotless so I can sit on that throne later.

Just like that. Keep rubbing that chair.

Rub off every last bit of dirt.

That is so pathetic.

In my kingdom, we do things better.

You can't even do anything right, can you?

It's so filthy in here. You can't clean.

You don't work hard at all.

You're just lazy.

Pathetic little twat. Can't do anything right.

In my kingdom, you need to work harder to earn your place.

you're so obnoxious I

put my mouth on that

Your turn to clean it off with your mouth.

Your Highness, what kind of influence did you grow up with to be such an

extraordinary queen?

Well...

The kings and queens that raised me taught me very well on running the

Finances. They taught me about community service, the weather. I learned

everything.

I know you're so amazing, Your Highness.

I had a lot of structure growing up.

Finance, stock, bonds.

I learned it all.

Wow. You have knowledge that is forbidden to regular citizens like us.

amazing.

That's how the upper class stays the upper class.

By making sure that the lower class doesn't perceive any of the knowledge.

Move the bed.

Everything in this cottage is so disgusting.

Filthy, tiny, pathetic.

I don't understand how you and your friends live here.

I think it's a pretty decent place.

Maybe if it were clean.

Just leaves.

Leaves, dust, dirt. There's hair.

Ugh. It's so gross.

Yeah, you got a beer jug over there, too.

Ah, that's not junk. That's potion mixture.

There's a little bit of a difference. I mean, clearly you liked eating those

apples.

Yeah, it was a nice thing.

See?

So my mixtures are not junk.

Those are actually welcome here. Why does the rest of this trash need to go?

It's pretty rude to come into my friend's place and just start hating on

like that. You don't even know the people.

Well, it's pretty rude of you to try to steal my title.

I didn't steal anything.

It was what your mirror said, not me.

Well, we'll see soon who's the best.

Clearly it's me.

Okay. Whatever you say.

We'll leave it up to the mirror.

The mirror.

The mirror's getting thrown out after this.

You know, historically, it's not good to throw away things because you don't

like their opinion.

Well,

you know what they say.

It's bad for history to repeat itself.

So I think it's probably better that I break the norm.

And if I want to throw things away, just because I don't like them, maybe I can.

Either way, that mirror's going in the garbage.

Along with most of the things in this cottage.

That's crazy.

You're going to live here now, too?

I didn't say I'd live here. I just said that I'm going to be in control of how

it looks.

You like to decorate?

Yes, I do.

And I'll make you do every last bit of redecorating as I sit in the corner and

watch. I'll observe and I'll critique you, letting you know what you did right

and wrong.

Every step of the way.

I love to oversee projects.

Sounds great.

I knew you'd like it.

Everybody always loves my ideas.

Move. Come on, peasant. Get out of the way.

Maybe I'll paint this place a completely different color.

Purple's the royal color, you know.

You know, you should really get an exterminator out here, too.

You think so?

Yeah.

I don't know. I like the idea of having this place crawling with spiders.

They can weave all kinds of webs.

It'd be the perfect decor.

So you're not really for the people?

No, not really.

Black widows are my favorite. They have deadly bites.

All right, I see how you're rocking.

I also like praying manti.

You like rats?

They're okay.

Praying mantises are better, though. Did you know that after they mate, they eat

the head of the male?

Yeah, that's crazy.

That's why they're my favorite.

There's also pretty mantises that look like orchids.

You know, I think sharks are pretty sick.

So what's your favorite thing about sharks?

I like Shark Week on TV.

That's very self -explanatory.

Totally get that.

Out of all the places in nature, do you prefer ocean, mountains?

I'd have to say I prefer the ocean because it's blue and it's wet.

You ever stubbed your toe before?

I have.

Hopefully I won't anytime soon, though. That's not fun.

I absolutely hate stubbing my toe.

You got extended warranty on your car insurance?

I think I do.

How about you bend over?

So, because you're named Dr. Snow, I'm assuming your parents liked the winter?

I don't know, my parents, they just kicked me out at the Dorb's house.

Oh, jeez.

No wonder you're so dysfunctional and can't do anything right.

No influences to properly mold you.

I mean, I had Grumpy. Grumpy was pretty alright.

That explains your attitude.

I like Horny a lot.

I'm sure you do.

This place is so weird.

I think so too.

I don't understand how parents can leave their child with dwarves.

The dwarves did pretty alright with me.

If they did, this place wouldn't be such a hobble.

I'll get right back to cleaning my bed.

Yeah, you better.

You better have this place nice and clean.

I want to lay down. Move.

Finally.

You move so slowly, girl.

So what did they teach you?

Well, Sleepy taught me how to sleep.

Grumpy taught me how to yell at people.

Horny taught me how to fuck.

Huh.

Well, I guess at least you know how to fuck. If you don't know how to clean,

need to know how to do something.

It's better than nothing, I guess.

Everybody has special skills.

True. I guess it's just hard to spot yours.

I have a lot of special skills.

As you can tell by how wonderful my kingdom is.

I run it so well. I run a tight ship.

What's your most special skill?

Telling people what to do.

So,

what are some of your favorite things to do in the forest?

I like to find mushrooms.

Oh, wow.

Where did you say you were from again?

Oh, a kingdom not too far from here.

Practically your guys' neighbor.

North, south, west?

Oh, up west.

Oh, okay.

Northwest?

Yes.

You know, I really... I think you get along with Horny. He's a pretty nice

Maybe you could give Sleepy a shot?

I don't really want to give any of them shots, to be honest.

You don't like having friends?

Why would I want friends? I just want servants.

People loyal to me.

Worshipping me.

I'd rather have people that do my bidding.

I just really don't see the point of having friends unless there's the

Does anybody else live in your castle, or is it just you?

Just me.

I like to have my space.

A little bit of freedom.

I guess I have my mirror, too, so I'm not completely alone.

Where are your dwarves?

Probably at work.

They all have nine to five.

Well, Sleepy's an accountant, and Grumpy works at the supermarket.

Horny is a strip club manager, and Sneezy is a pharmacist.

Oh, wow.

Mm -hmm.

They keep busy.

Yeah, I'm really proud of them. I thought dwarves were supposed to work in

mines.

No, they're very self -sufficient, you know? New day and age.

Sounds like it.

Well, what do you say we determine this competition?

Let's settle the score.

Tell us who you choose.

Make an assessment.

Wow. I can't decide. You two are so hot and beautiful. You have

to decide now.

Mirror,

mirror. They're just...

both equally hot, uh, uh, but if I have to choose, Snow

White, he's just, the beauty, the beauty's just divine, I mean.

Well,

you're banished.