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1
00:00:00,968 --> 00:00:02,703
Previously on:
2
00:00:02,770 --> 00:00:04,305
So, what have you
been up to?
3
00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:06,174
I started a new
software company
4
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:07,775
with my old partner
Billy Stanhope.
5
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:10,044
You really think we can finally
build the electric suitcase?
6
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,812
Yes. We have the technology now.
7
00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:13,314
Something you should know.
8
00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:14,882
It's about your ex-wife.
9
00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:15,949
What, Bridget?
10
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,651
Yeah. I'm, uh...
11
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:19,187
kind of sleeping with her.
12
00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:21,089
What?
Wait! Hey!
13
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,459
Morning.
14
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,562
It's 2:00 p.m.
15
00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:29,363
So?
16
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,099
It's Saturday; I slept in.
17
00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:32,966
It's Sunday.
18
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,735
Really?
19
00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:36,270
That's disturbing.
20
00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:39,807
So what did you do last night
that you had to sleep all day?
21
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,409
One thing at a time.
22
00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:43,911
I'm still trying to figure out
what happened to Saturday.
23
00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:46,380
Jake, you're gonna graduate
high school in a few days.
24
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:47,648
Don't you think it's time
25
00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:48,916
to start getting
your life together?
26
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:50,551
I will if you will.
27
00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:51,985
What?
28
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,222
I will certainly
consider that, Father.
29
00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:55,656
This is serious.
30
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:57,225
You will never amount to
anything if you sleep all day.
31
00:00:57,291 --> 00:00:58,492
WALDEN:
Morning.
32
00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:05,099
I'm sorry, I was distracted
33
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:06,967
by the naked billionaire
that just woke up.
34
00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:10,504
Shut up and eat
your damn cereal.
35
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:13,141
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
36
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:16,410
* Ah.
* Men.
* Men.
37
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:31,925
Man, I did not think Jeremy
was ever gonna stop talking.
38
00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:33,394
Yeah.
39
00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:36,664
That guy really puts the "dict"
in "valedictorian."
40
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:39,333
Thinks he's so great just
'cause he's going to Harvard.
41
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:40,801
Where is Harvard anyway?
42
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:44,071
Dude, didn't you learn
anything in high school?
43
00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:46,940
It's the capital of Connecticut.
44
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:48,942
Are you sure?
45
00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:49,943
Yeah.
46
00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:51,479
Harvard, Connecticut.
47
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:54,682
What'd you think
was the capital of Connecticut?
48
00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:56,650
"C."
49
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,353
(laughs)
50
00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:00,788
You're an idiot.
51
00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:02,956
I don't know why
I hang out with you.
52
00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:03,957
'Cause you're gay.
53
00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:05,226
Well, what does that make you?
54
00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:07,528
Attractive.
55
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:12,733
So are your parents giving you
a hard time about your "future"?
56
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:13,834
Oh, yeah.
57
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:15,035
Both my mom and my dad.
58
00:02:15,102 --> 00:02:16,604
I'm sick of hearing it.
59
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:19,640
Yeah. "If you're not going to
college, you need to get a job."
60
00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:22,109
Where do they
get this stuff?
61
00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:24,378
Beats me.
62
00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:29,850
So what are we gonna do?
63
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:31,919
About what?
64
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,721
Our future.
65
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,489
Oh.
66
00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:40,828
I could go for
some frozen yogurt.
67
00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:42,095
Good idea, man.
68
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,130
Let's go.
69
00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:45,433
Should we take
our robes off?
70
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:46,567
No, no, leave them on.
71
00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:48,836
They'll attract smart chicks.
72
00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:53,874
Come on, Judith.
He's your son too.
73
00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:57,811
I have videotape of him
shooting out of your body.
74
00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:00,180
Yes, I've talked to him
75
00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:03,251
about his lack of plans,
but it's like talking to a wall.
76
00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:07,588
A very good-natured,
but dense wall.
77
00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:11,959
Of course I'm concerned,
but what do you want me to do?
78
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:15,529
No, I'm not gonna ask Walden
to give him a job.
79
00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:18,932
Because it would
be an imposition.
80
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:23,637
Yes, more of an imposition
than me living there for free.
81
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:26,907
Okay, okay, if it'll get you
to shut up, I'll ask him.
82
00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:32,313
She's never
gonna shut up.
83
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:33,314
Okay, okay.
84
00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:34,748
Good-bye, Judith.
85
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:35,783
(scoffs)
86
00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:38,786
I am so thankful
I have you in my life.
87
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,854
What about my son?
88
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:42,290
What about him?
89
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:45,293
You're gonna ask Walden for a
job for Jake, but not Eldridge?
90
00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:48,596
Of course not.
91
00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:51,532
I was just gonna hold Eldridge
back to sweeten the deal.
92
00:03:57,137 --> 00:03:59,273
BILLY:
I have a question.
93
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:00,574
What?
94
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:03,911
Why didn't you order
adjustable chairs?
95
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:06,213
I did.
96
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,215
Mine's adjustable.
97
00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:09,283
Well, wait.
98
00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:10,784
How'd you do that?
99
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:13,387
This lever right here.
100
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:15,222
I don't have a lever.
101
00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:16,590
Hmm?
102
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:19,026
Well, that's too bad,
you being so short and all.
103
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:22,330
You did this to get back at me.
104
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:23,564
I don't know
what you're talking about.
105
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:25,566
For sleeping with your ex-wife.
106
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:28,636
Do you really think
that I am so petty
107
00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:32,606
that I would pay a chair
manufacturer an extra $480
108
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:37,077
to remove the adjustable
height feature?
109
00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:41,515
That is crazy talk.
110
00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:44,952
How's everything down there
at the Lollipop Guild?
111
00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:50,591
Hey, guys.
112
00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:51,992
Am I interrupting?
113
00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:52,993
Hey, Alan.
114
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:54,495
Just thought
I'd bring you by
115
00:04:54,562 --> 00:04:56,997
a little office-warming
dieffenbachia.
116
00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:59,367
Ah, thank you.
117
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:01,268
Looks like you got the place
up and running.
118
00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:02,470
We're getting there.
119
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:03,804
Electric Suitcase, Inc.
120
00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:07,775
Very, very impressive.
(laughs)
121
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,778
What can I do for you?
122
00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:13,381
Oh, nothing. I just came
to drop off my gift
123
00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:14,848
and wish you well.
124
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:15,983
Okay.
125
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:19,152
Okay, well, I'll get out
of your hair.
126
00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:21,355
Uh, nice to see
you again.
127
00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:23,557
Yep. Always a thrill.
128
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:25,759
Oh, there is one thing.
129
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:28,095
Here we go.
Here we go.
130
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:31,198
Um, you know Jake
just graduated high school.
131
00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:33,501
Oh, hey, I'm sorry I couldn't
make it to the ceremony.
132
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:35,302
Oh, don't be silly.
No one expected you to.
133
00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:36,470
You know what?
Here...
134
00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:39,440
why don't you give this
to him for me.
135
00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:41,308
Ooh, a hundred dollars.
136
00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:43,844
I will make sure he gets this.
137
00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:49,450
What? I-I don't
even know the kid.
138
00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:50,851
Oh, of course not.
(laughs)
139
00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:52,986
Um, anyway, I was
just wondering, um,
140
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:56,189
since you've started
this exciting venture
141
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:57,691
and obviously you're hiring,
142
00:05:57,758 --> 00:06:00,428
that there might be
an opportunity here for Jake.
143
00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:02,596
He's not going to college?
144
00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:04,665
Not unless he's
delivering pizzas.
145
00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:06,333
Uh, probably true,
146
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:07,901
but he has a good heart,
147
00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:10,337
and I'm afraid if I
can't find him a decent job,
148
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:12,072
he might have to sell it.
149
00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:14,174
Okay, listen, Alan, I'm sorry.
150
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:15,576
I-I like Jake,
151
00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:19,046
but I just don't think
we have anything for him here.
152
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,213
Oh, oh, okay.
153
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,416
I understand.
You know, he's just my kid.
154
00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:23,917
Our future. But, um,
155
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:26,454
but thanks anyway.
156
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:27,821
Oh, wait, wait.
Hold it, hold it.
157
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:28,922
Yeah? Yeah?
158
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:31,992
Does he know anything
about computers at all?
159
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,394
Not per se,
but he is eager to learn.
160
00:06:34,462 --> 00:06:37,431
He's like a sponge when it comes
to soaking up information.
161
00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:39,900
No, he isn't.
162
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:42,369
Will you at least give me
the sponge part?
163
00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:44,104
Yeah, if you lay him
on a wet spot,
164
00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:45,939
he might absorb liquid.
165
00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:48,676
Why are you being
such a jerk, man?
166
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,110
Let's give
the boy a shot.
167
00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:51,445
Billy,
168
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:53,514
I've seen this kid spend
an entire afternoon
169
00:06:53,581 --> 00:06:56,650
smoking dope and trying
to lick his own nipples.
170
00:06:56,717 --> 00:07:00,353
Who amongst us
hasn't... done...
171
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,491
Look, we will...
we will take him on, okay?
172
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:06,527
Billy...
He'll be my responsibility.
173
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:08,061
Oh, thank you so much.
You will not regret it.
174
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:11,765
Yes, you will.
I will send him
right over.
175
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,033
Oh, one more thing,
176
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,469
uh, my girlfriend's son
needs a job too,
177
00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:16,970
but you're gonna love him,
he's...
178
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,205
blonde. Bye.
179
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,375
Okay, I'm telling you
right now,
180
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,978
this is a bad idea.
181
00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:28,616
How did you do that?
182
00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:31,018
I don't know what
you're talking about.
183
00:07:36,724 --> 00:07:38,258
Okay, fellas...
184
00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:39,793
this is the heart and soul
185
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:41,529
of The Electric Suitcase.
186
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:43,163
300 state of the art,
187
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:44,765
high bandwidth servers
188
00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:46,567
all working
in tandem.
189
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,235
Cool.
Awesome.
190
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,436
Any questions so far?
191
00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:51,004
Uh, yeah.
Is there a cafeteria
192
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:52,606
or do we order in?
193
00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:55,943
There's a cafeteria
on the 14th floor.
194
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,845
Oh. Cool.
I got a question.
195
00:07:57,911 --> 00:07:58,445
Yes?
196
00:07:58,512 --> 00:07:59,947
Do they have donuts?
197
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:03,150
Was I lying?
198
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,919
I don't know if I have donuts.
199
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:08,455
That's okay.
It's not a deal-breaker.
200
00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:09,657
Glad to hear it.
201
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:10,924
Uh, okay, guys...
202
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,326
all you have to do
between now
203
00:08:13,393 --> 00:08:14,762
and 8:00 tomorrow morning,
204
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:19,066
is watch the lights
on these servers, all right?
205
00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:20,133
If a green goes to red,
206
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,035
it means the drive
is about to fail
207
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:23,170
so all you do...
208
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:25,272
you pop it out
209
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,807
and you replace it
210
00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:29,209
with a fresh one
from right here.
211
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:30,978
Got it.
No problem.
All right.
212
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:33,814
Oh, and there's no smoking dope
in this building.
213
00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:35,348
No, sir.
Absolutely not.
214
00:08:35,415 --> 00:08:37,751
Not inside the building.
215
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:40,187
Or outside the building.
216
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:41,822
How about the roof?
217
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:42,856
No.
218
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:44,958
What about before
we come to work?
219
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:45,759
No!
220
00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:47,360
What about brownies?
221
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:50,230
There's no pot, period!
222
00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:53,767
No brownies, no God, no roof,
no outside, no inside.
223
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:55,936
No problem.
All right.
224
00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:58,105
Good.
225
00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:00,173
Oh, and we just want
to take this opportunity
226
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,743
to thank you both for
this great opportunity.
227
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:04,912
'Cause let's face it,
it is an opportunity.
228
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:07,514
And it's great.
Opportunity.
229
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:10,350
Remember, this is on you.
230
00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:12,920
Oh, and on a personal note,
231
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,254
thank you
for the graduation money.
232
00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:15,923
It's my pleasure.
233
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:18,659
A kid my age can always
use an extra 50 bucks.
234
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,298
You know,
235
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:27,868
I kind of like this whole
"working for a living" thing.
236
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:29,402
It feels good, you know?
237
00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:30,738
Responsible, grownup.
238
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:32,105
Absolutely.
239
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:35,175
All right, we have
successfully downloaded
240
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,711
40,000 hours of porn.
241
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:40,513
That's a lot to watch
two minutes at a time.
242
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,382
I just hope Billy
and Walden don't notice
243
00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:44,051
that we're using
their hard drives.
244
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:46,787
Don't worry. I've labeled
every movie "personal."
245
00:09:46,854 --> 00:09:48,455
Oh. Good thinking.
246
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:50,958
Oh, red light. I got it.
247
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:55,562
Nicely done.
248
00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:57,831
We got this job nailed, my man.
Yeah.
249
00:09:57,898 --> 00:09:59,199
And the best part is,
250
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,968
we are in on the ground floor
of the company.
251
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:03,170
(beeps)
Oh, another one.
252
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:04,471
Allow me.
253
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:06,807
Maybe they'll give us
stock options and we'll be rich.
254
00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:08,341
What exactly is a stock option?
255
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,343
It's a call option on the
common stock of a company,
256
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:12,579
issued as a form
of cash compensation.
257
00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:13,814
If the company stock rises,
258
00:10:13,881 --> 00:10:15,382
the holder of the option
259
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:18,185
generally experiences
a direct financial benefit.
260
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:20,120
Where'd you learn that?
261
00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:23,123
Wikipedia.
It's not just for term papers.
262
00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:26,326
The point is,
we're gonna be rich.
263
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:27,861
(beeps)
Oh, another one.
264
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:30,463
Cool. So we'll have
our own planes
265
00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:32,532
and yachts and chicks.
266
00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:34,434
And tons of pot.
Chicks with pot.
267
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:35,602
Chicks with pot in bikinis.
268
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:36,837
Naked chicks with pot.
269
00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:38,171
On a yacht.
270
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:40,340
I like that a lot.
271
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:41,341
Uh-oh.
272
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:43,076
That's not good.
273
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:46,013
Yeah. Why are they all
going bad at the same time?
I don't know.
274
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:47,647
It's like there's
some sort of virus.
275
00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:50,217
Like the kind you get
when you download too much...
276
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,119
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
277
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,321
Maybe we should call Billy!
278
00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:56,123
No, we can do this!
279
00:10:58,025 --> 00:10:59,626
Okay, we can't do this.
280
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:02,062
Call Billy!
Call Billy!
281
00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:03,463
Hello?
282
00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:05,232
Billy, it's Jake.
283
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,735
(hissing)
284
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:11,271
I just want to start once again
285
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:14,041
by saying how grateful we are
for this opportunity.
286
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,308
It's great.
287
00:11:28,155 --> 00:11:31,725
How did this happen?
288
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,727
Oh, I... I don't know.
289
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:37,497
Well, faulty wiring
or, uh, cheap hardware...
290
00:11:37,564 --> 00:11:39,132
Definitely not
a porn virus.
291
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,133
Shut up.
292
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,401
How could you guys do this?
293
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:43,270
I went out on a limb for you.
294
00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:44,271
I believed in you.
295
00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:45,472
Well, thank you.
296
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,407
It was... it was a
wonderful opportunity.
297
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:48,809
Oh, great opportunity.
298
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,914
So, when do we get paid?
299
00:11:53,981 --> 00:11:55,849
(chuckles wryly)
300
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:56,884
Okay.
301
00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:59,252
Yeah, you can't.
I know their parents.
302
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,324
Hey. What are you guys
doing here?
303
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:07,060
I thought your shift
didn't end till 8:00 a.m.
304
00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:08,328
Well, we got done early.
305
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,063
Oh. Everything go okay?
306
00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:11,464
I was kind of worried
307
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,466
you might burn the whole place
down or something.
308
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:16,503
Well, it wasn't "or something."
309
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:24,644
How am I supposed to find jobs
in the next 24 hours?
310
00:12:24,711 --> 00:12:26,013
Beats me.
311
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,547
It's like our parents
are clueless
312
00:12:27,614 --> 00:12:29,682
about how bad
the economy is.
313
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,751
Yeah.
314
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,054
You know what,
315
00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:36,056
instead of working
for someone else,
316
00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:37,891
we should start
our own business.
317
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:39,492
I like that.
318
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:42,229
We could find some
adventure capitalists
319
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:44,832
and become, um--
what do you call--
320
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:46,233
entrepraneers.
321
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,668
Yeah. It's not like we
don't have our own good idea.
322
00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:50,370
We have great ideas.
323
00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:56,844
Hey, maybe we can put other
food on a stick and sell it.
324
00:12:56,910 --> 00:13:00,313
Yeah. Pizza on a stick.
325
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:01,448
Pizza sticks.
326
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:01,982
Pie.
327
00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:03,116
Pie sticks.
328
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,284
Fish.
329
00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:07,988
Yeah, what are we
going to call those?
330
00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:09,957
Fish-sicles!
331
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:11,458
Genius!
332
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:12,592
Yeah.
333
00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:14,261
MAN:
Excuse me.
334
00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:16,196
Did I hear you guys say
335
00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:17,664
you're looking for jobs?
336
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:18,798
Yeah.
337
00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:20,233
Why?
338
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:37,851
Maybe it's me.
339
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:39,419
I'm an idiot magnet.
340
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:40,954
ALAN:
Hey.
341
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:47,327
Yup.
342
00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:50,230
Hi.
343
00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:51,364
How you doing?
344
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:52,799
Not so good.
345
00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:55,268
Yeah, yeah, we heard,
and we're so, so sorry.
346
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,636
So, so very sorry.
347
00:13:56,703 --> 00:13:58,771
Yeah, well, thank God
the files are backed up
348
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,908
and insurance will cover
most of the damage.
349
00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:02,042
That's great news!
350
00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:03,176
Yes. Phew!
351
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:04,711
(laughing)
352
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:11,684
You do realize that
your children are not normal.
353
00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:15,588
Well, yeah, but, you know,
what's normal?
354
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:17,024
And-and in Jake's defense,
355
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:18,926
he never would have done
anything like this
356
00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:21,028
unless, uh, you know.
357
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:23,196
(chuckling nervously)
358
00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:25,298
"You know" what, Alan?
359
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,400
Well, I didn't want to,
you know, say anything
360
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:29,769
but, uh, but clearly there's
a bad influence involved here.
361
00:14:29,836 --> 00:14:31,838
I mean, I don't want
to point any fingers,
362
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:34,908
but, uh, his name rhymes
with "smeldridge."
363
00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:36,276
(Lyndsey scoffs)
364
00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:38,545
Oh, my God.
365
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,380
You-you can't be serious.
366
00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:42,815
My son had never been in trouble
in his life
367
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,317
until he met your son.
368
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:45,552
Never been in trouble?
369
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:46,719
He tried
to counterfeit money
370
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:48,621
with a computer
and an inkjet printer.
371
00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:50,723
The government dropped
the charges.
372
00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:52,892
Only because
there's no such thing
373
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,627
as a $25 bill.
374
00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:56,596
LYNDSEY:
Yeah? Yeah? Well,
375
00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:58,298
well, what about when Jake stole
your brother's Mercedes
376
00:14:58,365 --> 00:15:00,433
and lost it in Topanga Canyon?
377
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,002
He didn't steal it.
He borrowed it.
378
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,903
And he was only driving it
because my brother was drunk
379
00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:06,573
and someone had to take
his hooker home.
380
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,910
In Topanga Canyon,
which is where she lived.
381
00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:12,112
You are always making excuses
for him.
382
00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:13,613
And you don't excuse Eldridge?
383
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,448
LYNDSEY:
Hey, he went through
a very rough divorce.
384
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:16,916
ALAN:
And Jake didn't?
385
00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:19,052
LYNDSEY:
Well, at least your
wife traded up.
386
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,520
Wh-what is that supposed
to mean?
387
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:23,056
Really?
That was too subtle for you?
388
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:27,494
Hey, everybody, good news.
389
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,362
You don't have to worry
about us finding work.
390
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,663
You-you got a job?
391
00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:32,232
Yeah. It's not
just a job though.
392
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:35,502
It's an adventure.
393
00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:36,503
What?
394
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:39,606
We're gonna be
all we can be.
395
00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:44,211
Oh, oh, no-no, you didn't.
396
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,412
We didn't what?
397
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:46,813
Join the Army.
398
00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:49,849
Yeah, we joined the Army.
How'd you know?
399
00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:54,921
You need to listen to me.
400
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:59,826
They are not normal.
401
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,070
Uh, hiya.
402
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:11,404
Hi.
403
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,572
Looking for a new career?
404
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:14,974
Um, I'm 44 years old.
405
00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:16,109
That's okay.
406
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:17,810
Today's Army is all-inclusive.
407
00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:21,048
You can be as old and as gay
as you want.
408
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:23,950
Uh, well,
that's-that's good to know.
409
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:26,519
Um, uh, but I-I actually wanted
to talk to you
410
00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:28,821
about my son, Jake Harper.
411
00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:31,524
Harper. Harper.
412
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:34,061
Oh, yeah,
wants to be a drone pilot.
413
00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:35,295
Yeah, he told me.
414
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:36,396
He thinks it's like
a video game.
415
00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:37,530
Oh, it is.
416
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,132
It's exactly like a video game.
417
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:41,401
Except we blow up real people.
418
00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:44,671
Yeah, actually, that's what
I wanted to talk to you about.
419
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:45,505
Um,
420
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:46,639
I love my son,
421
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,041
uh, but more importantly,
422
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:50,343
I love my country,
423
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:53,346
uh, which is why
I don't think my son
424
00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:56,183
should have access
to flying bombs.
425
00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:59,686
Or really any kind of weapon.
426
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,221
I mean, between you and me,
427
00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:03,590
I've seen him try to pick up
spilled food with a fork
428
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:05,458
and stab himself in the leg.
429
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,094
And not just once.
430
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:10,563
I understand your concern,
but our training is unsurpassed.
431
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:12,432
We take boys
and turn them into men.
432
00:17:12,499 --> 00:17:14,201
I know you think that...
433
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:18,171
...but you don't know him
like I do.
434
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:19,706
He's 18, right?
Yeah.
435
00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:22,242
Not currently on probation
or under indictment?
436
00:17:22,309 --> 00:17:24,043
No.
Is this his signature?
437
00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:25,044
Yeah.
438
00:17:25,112 --> 00:17:26,346
Then if he passes the physical,
439
00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:29,249
he's signed, stamped,
and off to camp.
440
00:17:30,083 --> 00:17:32,752
I see.
441
00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:35,122
Oh, look, al-Qaeda!
442
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:38,325
It's just a copy!
443
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,194
Hey, guys, you like video games?
444
00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:47,700
Congratulations, Jake.
445
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:50,470
I know I'm only your stepdad,
but I'm real proud of you.
446
00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:52,205
Thanks, Herb.
Were you ever in the Army?
447
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:55,074
Well, the KISS Army.
448
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:58,611
But I don't think
that really counts.
449
00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:00,913
You think Mom's ever gonna
stop crying
450
00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:02,081
before I go?
451
00:18:02,149 --> 00:18:03,316
(sobbing quietly)
452
00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:05,352
My guess is no.
453
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,454
Don't worry, Mom.
454
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:08,688
I'll be fine.
455
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:09,822
I'm a grown man now.
456
00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:11,491
No, you're not.
457
00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:13,826
You're my bigheaded baby.
458
00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:16,095
(sobbing)
459
00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:19,366
(piano playing
"Pop! Goes the Weasel")
460
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:34,314
So, Berta,
are you gonna miss me?
461
00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:36,149
Nah, why should I miss you?
462
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:38,318
You're just an extra
toilet to clean.
463
00:18:38,385 --> 00:18:40,953
That is, when you
hit the toilet.
464
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:44,291
(piano playing
"Pop! Goes the Weasel")
465
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,972
Don't worry, Grandma.
I'll make you proud of me.
466
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:03,142
I've always been proud
of you, darling.
467
00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:05,044
In my own way.
468
00:19:05,111 --> 00:19:08,581
(piano playing
"Pop! Goes the Weasel")
469
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:24,096
Thanks for everything.
470
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:27,300
Come here.
471
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:30,937
(piano playing
"Pop! Goes the Weasel")
472
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,144
Look at
the bright side, Dad.
473
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:39,679
You won't have
to buy me clothes anymore.
474
00:19:39,746 --> 00:19:41,414
They're gonna give me
a dress uniform,
475
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:44,517
a work uniform, and even one
for when I'm tired.
476
00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:46,052
What?
477
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:48,455
Yeah, they call 'em "fatigues."
478
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:51,190
I don't know why they just
wouldn't call 'em pajamas.
479
00:19:51,258 --> 00:19:53,726
Oh, my son, my son.
480
00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:57,196
(piano playing
"Pop! Goes the Weasel")
481
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:20,420
You be a good boy,
and you do what you're told,
482
00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:22,221
and promise me
you'll be careful.
483
00:20:22,289 --> 00:20:23,690
Don't worry about me.
484
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:28,295
Worry about
our nation's enemies.
485
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:34,233
I am worried.
486
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,206
* Men. *
487
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:42,041
DRILL SERGEANT:
Come on, you lazy pukes!
488
00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:44,243
Move it! Move it! Move it!
489
00:20:44,311 --> 00:20:47,013
When do we start flying
the robot planes?
490
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,381
(grunting)
491
00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:49,316
(straining):
I don't know.
492
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:51,584
Maybe after lunch.
493
00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:54,321
No, we're going
on a five-mile run after lunch.
494
00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:55,988
No, I'm gonna skip that.
495
00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:57,890
I want to take a nap.
496
00:20:57,957 --> 00:20:58,925
Captioning sponsored by
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497
00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:01,728
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