Original subtitles

John once told me that the only true friend you really have in the world is

money in your pocket.

That, I know, is complete bullshit.

All of the following hustler stories, however, are true.

My tale begins and ends with shoes.

John's shoes.

Shit!

What time is it?

7 a .m.

No!

You all right, son?

What do you think, old man?

Merry Christmas?

Merry Christmas?

Fuck Merry Christmas!

You promised, Lane.

We're all...

Where nature's fruit grows on the tree.

Heaven on earth, that's where I stand.

And I'm in the promised land.

Where Charlie's born, so is the king.

The holy grail, the diamond ring.

What's in the heart?

What's in the hand?

In your day, in the promised land.

Time I fatigue.

Many tears and flowers get past the day.

Of those final hours, it's all to go.

And all you plan is to end up

in the promised land.

Rivers wide and oceans deep.

Miles to go before I sleep.

Angels sing.

Lord God's for me.

How sweet it is.

In a promised land.

Al, Al, Al.

It's John. Where's Donna?

I know it's fucking early, but it's important, you fucker.

I'm kidding.

What?

You're kidding, you did?

Hi, sport.

Al, I got a date. I got to go. I got to run. Got to, got to, got to. Listen, if

you hear from Donner, if you see him, tell him I'll be by soon.

Okay? Go. I really do.

Man, I am starving.

I'm so fucking hungry.

I'm famished.

It's not been what you call a gregarious morning, man. I mean, look.

Some motherfucker stole, just stole my sneak this morning, man.

My lucky sneaker bag.

Hello?

Good morning to you, too, baby.

Yeah, I know, I know. I wasn't expecting this either. Listen, I'm going into the

office for a little bit here. We got that rock and roll movie coming up next

month, and I want to look at a few of those contracts.

I beg your pardon?

Yeah, I'll hold. Sure.

Yeah, I'll hold.

So nothing bad's ever happened to me as long as I was wearing them suits. You

know, I had them two fucking years.

Shit, they were my lucky charms.

They was going to take me places, those sneaks.

What's that?

But I hid my money in them.

So now I'm dead broke and I'm really fucking hungry and tomorrow's my

It's 7 .35 right now.

I should be... Yeah, I should be

another half hour or so.

I gotta come up with a whole lot of money for my birthday party, man. Like,

you ever stayed at the Park Plaza Hotel?

Oh, honey, I got the 3 o 'clock tea time.

Make sure everything's ready for us, will you?

Bye.

Rock and roll movie, huh?

I can really act.

I really can, really.

You know, maybe I could do some acting for you now, like an improper audition.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Please, please.

I'm going to be a big fucking star one of these days, man.

A big star.

For sure.

Sure, you want to get a little something to eat?

Not hungry?

Me? Me?

You can't panhandle from me, man. I'm homeless.

Look at me.

Look.

Homeless people can't panhandle from other homeless people, man.

What's that?

It's got to be give and take, man.

You can't fucking take from a taker, man. You got to take from a giver, not

another taker.

You understand what I'm saying, right?

Ah, fuck this, you mute.

You certainly are relentless, man.

You do not fucking give up, do you?

I like that. It's the only way to survive a day out here.

Here you go. Now, I don't want to see you around here no more.

Thanks, Elvis. No!

Don't!

Don't! Don't! I don't want to hear it.

I don't want to know you.

Because believe me, I do not care.

People come and people go, man. The only thing that stays the same is the

boulevard. The boulevard never dies.

Yo, what time is it?

See you later, mute. I think I'm late.

Merry Christmas.

Hello?

This is Mr. John, the actor.

We spoke yesterday on the phone.

Yes.

I've, let's just say, run into some obituary difficulties beyond my

control. All my vital stuff was stolen.

Thanks.

Yeah. Well, now it seems I must first take care of these overt problems.

Seems like everyone's looking for John this morning.

I know, and he ain't even at you.

Thank you. I appreciate your excellent concern.

What's your name?

Paul. Well, thank you, Paul.

Could you hold on a second?

I'm on the fucking phone here!

We know that.

Listen, um, so I'll be in there at one o 'clock. Take care of my reservations.

Settle up in cash.

Listen, um, Paul.

I was wondering about the room.

Jimmy, the warlock is up the street looking for your sweet ass, and he's

about three blocks from finding it.

Could you just hold on a second, Paul?

You're kidding, right?

And Nicky's looking for you, too, honey. Fuck you, brother. Wait till Nicky gets

here. No, no, no. Fuck Nicky. Where's Jimmy?

Paul, could I, um... I'll see you at one o 'clock.

Take care of everything in cash.

Okay. Thank you.

Can you guys, uh, call Jimmy? Tell him you need warlock advice on Christmas

shopping. Tell him something. You better run!

Dunner, dunner, dunner, dunner.

Leave me alone.

Ah, you don't mean that.

It's time, Dave.

Get up!

Oh, man.

You just come in here to harass me, or do you want something?

What the fuck happened to you, man?

Me? Look at you, son.

What'd you do, roll a clown this morning, or what?

Must you always change the subject, Donner?

Nothing. Nothing, nothing.

Nothing?

Nothing, nothing?

Nothing real.

All that tragedy.

Just last night, I met this very weird, weird gentleman.

Nice gentleman's date.

Okay, date.

Very, very weird, weird date.

Asked me to go up to his house in the hills with him.

And he had this long hallway in his house in the hills, and

at one end he had this big bucket of grapefruits, all these big yellow

grapefruits. and he went to the opposite end of the hallway, and he dropped his

pants, and he bent over, and he showed me his ass, and he had this big, fucking

white, awful, hairy ass.

It was so nasty.

And then he wanted me to pinch that citrus at him, at his fucking hairy ass,

while he got off. Can you believe that?

You can imagine I started laughing and laughing and laughing.

I mean, first of all,

I thought, like a girl, I probably couldn't even hit him if I wanted to.

And then just the thought of throwing grapefruit at this guy's hairy white

It's got to hurt.

So anyway, I'm just laughing and laughing and laughing.

And this guy says that I'm ruining his high.

He said, you're ruining my high.

What fucking high?

So I was still laughing. And this guy comes up to me and throws me

against the wall.

And starts whacking me upside the head.

And then he beats the shit out of me. And then I stop

laughing.

Let's get the fuck out of here.

Okay, but I'm hungry.

Look at the way you're dressed, Donna.

Fucking homeless and I look bad.

Yeah, I know, I know. You got seven shirts and seven pants.

And you change for every day of the week.

My, my.

Hey, you should go back home.

You're not cut out for the streets, man. You don't have the deposition for it.

You mean disposition?

No, I mean deposition.

Legal talk.

Fine, all right. What do you fucking want from me?

Money. How much?

300 bucks, man. Some motherfucker stole my sneaks.

I don't got it.

My lucky sneaks, man. You know.

That's the ones that we're going to take you places.

Fuck! Fucking golf shoes.

Can't trust anyone around here. The thieves.

You're a woman, Tom.

What the fuck's that supposed to mean?

I heard you sold drugs for Jimmy the Warlock and then kept the money.

I don't want to talk about it, man.

Why'd you do it for, son? You know Jimmy works for the Popeye. I said I don't

want to fucking talk about it, okay?

Shit, here comes Eli.

You're dead.

And a fine good morning to you too, Eli.

All for the Popeye, huh? Fuck, man! Does everybody know my fucking business

around here or what?

Or what?

I told you the Popeye's serious, son.

Popeye's bullshit. There's no fucking Popeye.

No Popeye.

No Popeye, right, John? Yeah. No Popeye. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No Popeye, right? Who

else, John?

It's beat up water up and down the boulevard.

John, huh?

Checking out his world.

Huh? Who else?

Popeye, John.

Bullshit fairy tale stories, man. I don't fucking buy it.

Popeye's just like fucking Santa Claus, man.

Nobody's ever seen either one of them.

At least together.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, check it out.

Popeye's out here, bro.

It's like the cops.

Yeah, yeah. The cop, cop, cop. I don't want to hear it again, Eli. Not the

fucking cops.

Gotta watch out for the cops, bro.

Gotta be careful of the cops, man.

All the fucking cops. Listen, we gotta get to work, all right?

All the fucking cops, bro!

Shit, man!

I don't know why I do this.

Because you've been out here like six weeks?

Seven. You still screwing up, man? If it wasn't for me, you'd be dead already.

Oh, how could I ever live without you?

Gotta watch out for yourself, man.

Yo, tell me the first thing you do to protect yourself when you get picked up.

All right.

The first thing I do...

Is I ask them if they are in any way affiliated with the L .A. Police

Department. Right.

I still don't see why I got to do that, son. I mean, they're not going to say

yes. Just to get it on the record, man.

What record?

The record.

It's legal.

How do you know so much about the law?

I date a lot of lawyers, man. I know.

And then what?

All right. Then I kiss them.

Or ask them to touch my dick, right?

Right.

Because it's legal?

Right.

Cops, they can't touch your dick. They're taping everything.

They touch your dick, you can get them for sexual molestation.

I wouldn't exactly call touching my dick sexual molestation.

I touch my dick all the time.

Give him your best shit, man.

Excuse me.

Are you a prostitute?

Moi?

I'm not a prostitute.

I'm an entertainer.

All right, just one more, folks.

All right, everybody, come on, move, move, move, move, move.

Move.

Now squeeze together.

Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.

Oh, that is nice.

Okay. Before we continue, I'm compelled to ask you folks a question.

Are any of you in any way affiliated with the Los Angeles Police Department?

Good. Would you please touch my... Jeez!

Thanks for the 20 bucks, man.

So glad I can entertain y 'all.

I look right with the family around you, man.

Stop it with all this family shit, son. Everybody's got a family.

I don't have no family.

You got me.

Shouldn't I get some of that?

No.

Come on, I think I deserve at least half.

Consider it part of your birthday present to me.

Birthday?

It's tomorrow.

On Christmas Day?

So?

So I didn't know that, huh?

Yeah, I never tell anyone, man, because I'm usually so disappointed on my

birthday.

Not tomorrow, man. Tomorrow's going to be different.

Tomorrow I turn 21.

Tomorrow's just another day.

No, not for me.

I got me a room at the Park Plaza Hotel.

I got me some heaven.

One day and one night of doing it right.

Drinking champagne, eating burgers, watching cable TV.

I'm going to be somebody for a day.

So, rich?

Yeah.

Supposed to check in early 9 o 'clock.

You know, I wanted a full day, right?

I'll spend my money, my luck, and sneeze.

Sorry.

I told the hotel I'd be there with the money at 1 o 'clock.

Well, I'll go with you if you want.

I'll do anything I can to help you.

You don't have to do that.

But I want to, okay? No, don't even touch me.

What time is it?

It's, uh, 10 .30. All right, I'll meet you here at 12.

All right, don't be late.

You mean late?

Never.

Nikki, baby, give me a fucking kiss, you sexy little thing. Don't you baby me,

you fucking smooth -talking, ass -licking, bleach -blah, motherfucking

Oh, I love when you talk dirty.

What the fuck were you listening to? We had plans, man.

Business, darling, business.

He always business.

I expect a big, big Christmas present this year, John. Oh, yeah, baby.

Big, baby.

So what'd you get me then?

Fuck, Nikki.

I can't tell you that shit.

I want to, I really do, but, you know, Christmas ain't till tomorrow and there

wouldn't be no surprise then.

I can hardly wait.

Golly, will you?

I gotta go, baby. What?

Business. Listen, uh... What? I'll see you later, okay?

Okay?

What time is it?

I'm so sick of you always asking me the fucking time, you know? What time is it?

Fucking what time is it? I don't know what fucking time it is, man!

All right, Nikki, if that's the way you want to play it... I'm sorry, baby, it's

11 .15.

All right, come here.

I'll see you later, okay?

So bad.

You all right?

You a cop?

How

do I know it's

real? Oh.

Can you start with this?

I like your style.

I'm in.

But I'm in a hurry, Mr. Popper, so let's get a move on.

Hey, where you running from today, John? The cops, right?

Nothing, I guess.

You can say that again.

You really need some fucking help, bro, don't you?

No, thanks. I'm all right.

Hey,

could borrow a buck for a little trim, bro?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah?

How do you make money?

How do you make money at work?

Uh, hustle.

Fucking thing, man.

You?

People pick me up.

I gotta fake it sometimes, though, you know.

Fake what?

It.

I can't.

So, I gotta fake it.

Really?

Let's check this out.

Christmas Eve. Jesus Christ.

Okay, okay, okay. I want you to stand up here. I want you to put your dick in my

mouth. Okay,

okay.

I want you to put your dick in my mouth while I'm driving.

You crazy motherfucker.

Yeah, crazy.

You're fucking with me, right?

No, I want you to put your fucking dick in my mouth while I'm driving, okay?

Man, how the fuck? How the fuck am I supposed to do that? It's broad daylight

out here. Come on, man. You better fucking slow down. You're going to get

fucking killed, man. Yo, yo, yo!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

That's shocking.

That's not bad, eh?

You got that fuck, bro?

Friendship ends where money begins, right?

Hey, what are you doing for Christmas, Donner?

Nothing. I'm Jewish.

It's still Christmas. It doesn't matter if you're Jewish, dude.

It's still fucking Christmas.

What are you doing?

Man, I'm going to spend some quality time with myself.

You know?

Get to know me a little better.

You know what I mean? Right.

Are you

crazy, man?

You could have fucking killed us. What the fuck?

I don't want to.

Ah, fuck you, man.

Yeah, bitch, we gonna wait all day.

Hey. How you doing?

Just waiting for John as usual.

You late again?

You're correct, David.

Sting, you are so thin. Look at you. You are not a supermodel. That is not cute.

Uh -uh.

Doesn't John feed you?

Are you two, uh, you know, fucking old?

Me and John are just friends.

You're just friends? Best friends.

Ain't that nice?

That's really nice.

Have you boys seen Jimmy around?

The warlock?

Yeah. I don't know.

Why? I'm looking for him.

Aren't you scared?

Do I look scared?

All I know is that girl is scary, scary, scary.

Ooh, here comes your husband, honey.

What's up?

Where are your boys?

You are bleeding.

Yeah, it's just a flesh wound. My last check got all shady on me and shit.

But I still got 100 on me. I am good.

Are you hurt? I'm good.

You sure you know what you're doing, man?

Of course I do.

I used to want to be a nurse, you know.

I did.

I fell in love with, like, those white outfits that they wear. Like, they got

all those little white caps and white stockings and all that stuff.

Hello.

Dad's a doctor.

Father's a doctor?

A doctor?

Huh.

You guys must be rich, man.

You're probably sending...

Christmas money, no problem, right?

The last time I saw my father, he told me I was dead as far as he's concerned.

What'd you do?

I told him I was gay.

Put on your Saturday outfit, son.

Let's get the hell out of here. We got to get you to heaven.

Hey.

Are you sure you want to do this?

Okay, but I don't know.

I don't know if it's interesting.

Don't worry.

I'll make it all work out.

I am a hustler after all, right?

All right, Brad, this is it.

Hi.

What can I do for you today, sir?

Uh, Paul?

It's Mr. John. We spoke a couple times on the phone.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Mr. John, of course.

How are you, sir?

Well, hasn't been the most righteous of days so far, as you know, Paul, but

that's life.

There is always tomorrow, right?

That's right.

Wow.

I'm doing this big rock and roll movie for Paramount.

We're both actors.

And we're what you call in character right now, right?

I understand.

Yeah, I played the lead singer.

And he played the guitar player.

Well, that sounds just wonderful, Mr. John.

Listen, Paul, just between you and me,

I was only able to come up with part of the money.

There's this whole mix -up with Western Union. You understand how that shit

happens, right?

Of course.

Oh, no.

That's not necessary.

I insist.

No, sir, you can pay your bill at the cashier when you check it.

Listen, Paul, this is what we call good faith.

You do good by me. I do good by you.

You know, the studio's trying to work things out right now, but it's Christmas

and everybody leaves early.

But I don't want you to have to worry about that, Paul. Listen, I'm going to

take care of that, okay? Sure you will.

I'll tell you what we'll do.

Why don't I put the money in an envelope?

And I'll write your name and the room number on it. Is that all right, sir?

I'd really appreciate that, Paul.

Lead singer in a rock and roll movie. Yeah, right.

It's all up there.

How much more do you need?

Like 200 bucks. You should be able to make that no problem together.

Just call your parents, Donna, and get the money.

No.

Come on, please, for me.

Come on.

Come on.

The bull's around the corner.

Go.

Hey. I'm gonna look around.

No way.

Why not?

Because I'm not moving to some place called Camelot. That's why.

It's not just some place. It's a Renaissance theme park.

What are you talking about?

It's got all these rides and horses and people dressed up like knights and shit.

What? Back at East in Branson, Missouri, where all these stars play. It's like

Vegas, but without all the gambling. And that's where your parents want you to

go to a fucking theme park?

What?

My mom told me to call my cousin Dale. He's one of the managers in Camelot.

And so I did, and he said that he would set me up with a room and a job just

like that.

And then I told him about you and how I couldn't imagine leaving you here and

that we were a team and everything, and he said you could come.

Are they going to send you any money?

Not unless I go home.

And my mom said my dad won't let me back if I'm still gay, so... Camelot.

Oh.

Anyway, it's all really, really exciting. We're going to be lifeguards.

I can't swim, and I hate the water, so just forget it.

Listen, I'm real sorry.

I know, I know, I know. I promised to help you get the money for your hotel

room, and I'm sorry about that.

John, it's just a room.

And Branson will have a room for a long fucking time.

Fuck you. That's a start.

At least we're communicating now.

Come on, John. We can get off the street.

You can study your acting.

I can save up money for school. We wouldn't have to deal with any of this

anymore. It'd just be me and you.

Fuck that, man.

Fuck Camelot. Fuck you.

Get in with all the fucks.

I wish you'd have counted on me, man. I fucking know better.

People always let you down.

How about if I get the money for both of us? We can both stay in the hotel room

tonight and we'll both leave for Branson in the morning.

Leave me alone.

Just go by your fucking self.

I can't. I need you.

Fuck you.

Fuck it all with all the fuck you's. I know you care about me.

You crazy man.

I don't give a shit about you.

I use you.

Just fuck off.

Leave me alone.

I'm not going to leave you alone, John. I'm not that kind.

You're fucking crazy.

You're not my fucking best friend. I don't have any friends.

Joe.

I'm not.

Leave me alone!

I don't fucking need you. I don't need anybody, okay?

John. Hello.

Sorry, I don't have any money or anything.

How much would two one -way tickets to Branson be?

$2 .60?

All right. Thanks.

So nice to see you, John.

It's nice to be seen, Manny.

Where are the wife and kid?

Last minute shopping.

Go now.

Go now.

What if they come back?

You know, I do not need any more drama today.

I mean, trust me on that, Manny.

It has been quite a fucking day.

I need time.

Stop it, Manny.

Shit.

Manny, I am so tired. I've been running all fucking day.

I got you a little Christmas present, John.

You didn't have to do that, Manny. But I wanted to, Joe.

Go get it, Manny.

Okay, Joe.

Actually, Manny, I just came by to ask you for a little favor.

Merry Christmas, John.

Thank you, Manny.

But really, the reason I came by today is because I have to ask you for a big

favor. What, John?

I need to borrow some money.

You know, I'll pay you back or I could work it off.

Is this some kind of a blackmail scheme?

No, it's my birthday tomorrow.

Because if this is some kind of a blackmail scheme, I will not have it in

house. I will not have it.

Not blackmail, for God's sake, Manny.

I'm just, I'm in a bind. I need to borrow some money.

You know, just a couple hundred bucks. I don't want to hear any more of this.

Please, no more. Now open the present.

Manny. Open the present. Open the present. Open the present. Open the

Christmas, everybody.

Come on, please, sing out. Sing out.

Mother and child.

Where are you going?

Well, I'm already late for my next delivery, sir.

See my new watch?

It says 309, and I was supposed to be somewhere in 304. But don't we have some

unfinished business?

No.

Your wife already took care of it, sir.

Mm -hmm

Where's my fucking hat?

Where are my fucking shoes, man? I want my goddamn hat back. I want my goddamn

hat back.

John,

John, John, John.

Jimmy. Come on, man.

Come on.

Fellas. I hope you kill the fucking asshole.

You've been doing this long?

Yeah, long enough.

Huh?

I said long enough.

Oh.

I like them fresh.

Are you in any way affiliated with the Los Angeles Police Department?

What?

Are you a cop?

What the hell kind of question is that? Why would I be a cop?

Come on, Jimmy, you know what?

You took money, man.

You took money that wasn't yours.

And that's bad, I know.

It's really bad, man.

You must be joking, Jimmy.

No. I never take anything that isn't mine, Jimmy. You know that.

I'm not scandalous like that.

I try to keep good karma. It keeps me all alive and shit.

Karma?

No, see, you don't talk to Jimmy about karma, man.

I'm a fucking Buddhist, remember?

I mean, Jimmy knows all about karma, right?

Fuck yeah.

Then you know what I'm talking about then, Jimmy.

No, the one thing I know is that...

You're going to take off your shoes.

What?

Come on, man, take your shoes off.

My shoes?

I'll take my shoes off.

See, now, everybody knows that you keep your fucking money in your shoes, John.

Now, come on, come on, please.

Don't fuck with Jimmy no more. Either you take them off.

Oh, Mick's will.

Take my shoes, man.

Aren't you a bit, shall we say, long in the tooth to be doing this?

Never too old to be doing this.

And what exactly is this?

I want to spank you.

On what?

Spike, yeah.

You're joking, right?

No joking.

Well, I'm sorry, sir, but I don't go in for that kinky sort of stuff.

What do you mean? You're a prostitute. What in the Sam hell do you go in for,

then?

For one thing, I am not a prostitute.

I'm an entertainer. And for two, I do not enjoy violence.

Screw that.

Pull over. No.

I won't ask again.

Then don't. Let me out.

Shut up.

I really... I said shut up.

Here I am.

Thinking that we're friends, John.

I mean, why fuck me?

Why take money that's not yours?

I mean, am I bad?

I mean, am I?

No.

You owe the man $300.

The man is all business.

Don't give a fuck about what you're going to.

He just wants his fucking money.

You know?

Thomas Boulevard, man. I'm getting it.

When?

Tomorrow.

Bad,

bad, bad, bad, bad.

See, the Popeye wants his money today.

Today?

Man. No buts, man.

Then you got to 12 o 'clock tonight.

The end of the day.

And that's it.

You're done.

But Jimmy, it's Christmas tomorrow.

Tonight.

You better have my other 280, man.

180.

What?

I only owe you 180, man.

I owed you 300, and you just took 120.

Huh?

That means I'll owe you 180, man.

Yeah.

What?

You sure, man?

Yeah, I'm sure, man.

You fucking better be sure, man.

Look, you just better have it, all right?

That's all Jimmy can tell you man.

Either you have it or you're done for man.

Are you hungry?

I'm starving to death man.

What's your name, man?

John.

Oh, man.

What do you know? We're both Johns.

Merry Christmas.

Thank you.

Where's daughter?

You need him?

Yeah.

Around the corner.

Around the corner.

Thanks, bro.

Oh, man.

What the fuck happened?

What happened to you? Are you all right?

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. Look at you, you're a mess.

I'm sorry.

You don't gotta apologize to me about the way you look.

Look that way or something, just for,

you know.

I'm sorry about the stuff I said to you.

You didn't mean it, man.

I didn't think you did either.

Let's get out of here.

Okay, where are we going? Where do you think?

Home.

The bus leaves for Branson at about 7 .30 tomorrow morning. And the tickets

like $130 each.

And I figure we need like about $300 just to cover little extras and

And then we'll be on our way to Branson.

Missouri.

Very good, Missouri.

Before you know it, we're going to be sitting by the pool.

Sipping pina coladas, mon ami.

Not while we're working, man.

Just an expression, son.

Yeah.

Anyway, we're gonna be the best damn lifeguards they ever had in Camelot.

You bet.

Sure as we learn how to swim.

Right.

How much money you got, Steve?

I only got, like, uh...

20 bucks. Well, that's 20 more bucks than I got.

Hey, what about Jimmy the Warlock and the Popeye?

Don't worry about Jimmy.

I already paid him 120.

It's my problem.

It's our problem.

It's the of me now, right?

Right. And you're staying here until I get the money.

Fuck that.

Forget about it, man. What time is it?

By the time I gave you your Christmas present, son.

Now.

What?

What's so funny?

Now maybe you'll be on time for once.

Thanks, man.

Thanks a lot.

But, you know, you don't have to worry.

You know me, I'm always right on time.

Yeah, right.

Mr. John.

Are you all set to check in, sir?

Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to stay here tonight.

I'm sorry, sir. I didn't hear what you said.

Unfortunately, Paul, I'm unable to stay here tonight.

I'm sorry to hear that, sir.

Yeah, me too.

I know.

You must be shooting on

location.

What?

I take it that you're shooting your movie on location.

And that's why you'll be unable to spend the night here. Isn't that right, sir?

Right, right.

Shooting on location.

In a place called Camelot.

Oh, that sounds mythical, sir.

Uh, no.

Actually, Paul, it's a theme park.

Places back east that all the stars go to.

Well, I take it that you'll be needing this, sir?

Whoa, no.

No, that's a down payment, Paul. I don't expect that back.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

No, sir, you gave this to me in good faith, and that's how I'm returning it.

In good faith. Thank you.

I just... really wish I could have enjoyed your hospitality

here tonight.

I really do.

I understand.

And I hope that you'll come and visit us when you have the chance.

When you finish shooting the movie.

I won't do that, Paul.

I will definitely do that.

Nobody.

Oh, my baby.

But now another day has gone.

I've got no one to talk with.

Don't even know I'm living, baby.

Hold on, man.

Nikki.

Jamie.

I really gotta

do

this it's Madonna

Nicky, he's my friend, you know?

Nicky. Hold the fuck on.

Come on, Nicky. I can't do this. Not now, you know?

What? What can you... Fuck you, man!

Don't fucking hit me.

Come on, Nicky, look, I'm putting it on.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Nicky, look at this watch.

I heard you was looking for Jimmy.

I need to talk to him.

To you.

Yes.

Alone?

Jimmy is alone.

Come into Jimmy's office, man.

Hey.

That's right.

I just want to tell you, this is my first time.

First time for what?

Cruising fucking Santa Claus?

No, it is. It's my first time.

Wow. Congratulations.

What's your name?

Rex.

What's yours?

John.

Hey, Rex.

You ever stay at the Park Plaza Hotel, Rex?

No. Why?

Ah, forget it.

Okay.

Shit, Rex, I'm hungry. Maybe we can stop and get something to eat first.

Yo, Rex.

Could you maybe, like, pick me up an orange drink?

Yeah.

And, uh, maybe, like...

Pack, uh, smokes for yourself.

I'm just gonna watch the car.

John Wayne?

Okay, I got John's money for you, Jimmy.

The money he owes to Popeye.

Oh, that's good.

That's real.

Where'd you get this money for

Jimmy?

Must be a good one.

180, right?

No.

It's 300, man. He stole 300.

John said he already paid you 120. That means he only owes you 180.

I look like I give a fuck about what John says.

I said 300. You understand that? Huh?

But it's 180.

But it's 180. Hey, shut up!

Don't talk when I'm talking to you.

Fuck.

Your face is toe up, man.

You know what I mean?

I don't think you need any more help, but I might be able to do a little

something on the other side. You know what I mean?

Tell you what, I'm just going to grab you. You like that?

Now leave John alone.

John is my best friend.

Tomorrow's a big day for him.

You leave him alone.

Get the fuck out of my face, boy.

John's even with Jimmy.

But you... Yeah.

You better get the fuck on the bus.

Pretty lucky to be alive.

We need to talk, Rex.

Okay, shoot.

Listen, I don't have a lot of time to explain here, and I'm really sorry about

that, but I'm going to have to ask you for your money.

Sure, I expect to pay you, I know that.

No, no.

I mean right now.

All of it.

What? I don't know...

Listen, don't make me get rough.

John.

John.

John, John, John.

John, John, John, John, John, John.

John.

Fuck.

Pull over, man.

I'm soaked.

I'm fucking soaked.

Oh, shit.

Get out of the fucking car and don't get fucking stupid on me, man.

I don't fucking believe this, man.

Look at this.

These were supposed to be my Saturday and Sunday clothes, man.

I'm so sick of this, man.

All day I've been fucking up my fucking clothes. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Great, I'm sorry. Fuck you. Give me your wallet. No, listen, I'm real sorry

about messing up your clothes. Okay, just relax.

If you want, I'll buy you a new pair.

I don't think you fucking get it, John Wayne from Glendale.

What do you think your friends and family would say if they knew you were

here cruising, Christmas Eve, looking for a little stocking stuffer, huh,

You must be joking.

Do I look funny, man?

Huh?

Listen, I need a lot of money. A lot, a lot of money. I gotta get me and a

friend to a renaissance theme park, so give me a fucking wallet.

Fuck!

I'm sorry, John.

42 bucks?

42 fucking dollars?

42 fucking... I don't believe this!

That's all I brought.

Fuck!

Shit!

I need a lot of fucking money, man. A lot of fucking money.

I'm running out of time, John.

Fuck are you doing down here with all these fucking strawberry tarts, man?

Just taking care of some business, that's all.

You? Business?

These motherfuckers will kill you for your fucking shoes, man.

Not me.

Not me? Are you feeling okay?

Never better.

Never better.

What kind of business are you taking care of down here, bitch?

Look at you, son. What did you do? Did you piss in your pants?

Fucking try to change the subject, Donna.

Don't get all pissy on me.

Just because you pissed in your pants. I didn't fucking piss in my pants.

Fuck!

Oh, man. Forget about it.

Man, one more day and we're set.

Why? How much you got?

140 bucks.

Me too.

What?

I do.

I hustled it just like you.

You fucking hustled that?

I'm proud of you, son.

We got it, man. I'm proud of you. I taught you good shit.

I told you I'd turn you into a hustler.

There it is, baby.

Mr.

John's last days. Come on, John. Let's just get out of here. We got to go to

bed. Let's just get out of here. You're crazy. No, man, not yet.

We need a little more so we can do it right.

All right, let me take it. I'll go.

No, man.

Listen, I really, I want to do this.

Come on.

I want to.

Man, I gotta do this for both of us.

Listen.

Take the money.

Go buy the tickets.

I'll meet you back at the Chesterfield at 12 o 'clock. Swear to God.

John, don't go. Come on, there's some stuff I want to talk to you about. About

Jimmy and this morning.

There's a bunch of stuff.

Man, we don't have to worry about that shit anymore. We don't have to worry

about any of this shit anymore.

And we'll have plenty of time to talk on the bus ride to Branson.

All right, 12 o 'clock.

Don't be late.

Me, late?

You don't have to worry about me, man.

I am always right on time, right?

Yeah, right.

This is the most fortuitous night for you, my friend.

You are my last date forever.

That makes it historical.

People have been talking about this shit for years.

John's last date.

What do you think about that?

How much?

200.

200.

Believe me, man, I am worth it. You're my last date, man. That means it's going

to be special.

So

what's

your name?

John.

Jesus, John's a goddamn everywhere tonight.

What happened here head my shoes

John Wayne?

Are you related to John Wayne?

Get out of the...

You met tonight.

Don't you mean some dude you fucked tonight?

Right? Right?

Damn What I want you

to dance

You can't dance.

Oh, fuck that.

You can't dance.

You're a fag.

Dance.

205.

I'll give you all my money.

Tell me, what more can I do?

I'll give you all my

money.

Tell me, what more can I do?

You're just a good little girl.

You just won't be true.

Bye -bye, baby.

Baby, bye -bye. Bye -bye.

Ooh, bye -bye, baby.

Baby, bye -bye. Bye -bye.

It's the baby.

I'm not faggot.

Neither am I. No.

I'm not, not a faggot.

Hey, have you seen John?

Who's John?

Never mind.

Hey, uh, have you seen somebody named John? What?

This guy named John, he's got a teardrop tattoo right here and blonde hair. He's

in there.

He's in here?

He's in there.

Upstairs.

Don't leave me.

Don't leave me, John.

I took your money, John.

I took your shoes.

I didn't want you to get killed.

I didn't want Jimmy to kill you.

Why did you take that date, John?

I told you not to take it.

What am I going to do now, John?

The world treats me mean too

But that's how things is

Down here I

didn't know it was

Sweet little Jesus boy.

Your maid was born when a man died.

Sweet little holy child.

I didn't know.

Like I said in the beginning, my story ends with John's shoes.

From now on, his lucky sneaks are with me.

Forever.