Original subtitles

The year was 2021.

The place? Luchachos.

The event? My best friend Wes challenged me to do something

I've never done... eat a Cheesy Chacho Chalupa in one bite.

- But I had hope. And on that fateful day,

I mowed down that beefy behemoth

in one monstrous bite.

- It was a truly epic day in Havensburg's history,

as seen here in my visual aid.

Thank you.

Very entertaining, Gabby,

but you were supposed to do a presentation

on the history of Havensburg.

What do you mean? I did it in Havensburg.

It happened last week, which technically is history.

Therefore, my project was about Havensburg's history.

- Uh-huh. - So, you gonna give me an A or what?

Oh, I'll give you an A.

But I'll put an F before it

and an I and an L after.

A fail? Are you serious?

Hm.

♪ Oh, yeah♪

♪ I do normal like a fish rides a bicycle♪

♪ Fit in like summer and an icicle♪

♪ Don't fight it, just be an original♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh♪

♪ I roller skate outside the lines♪

♪ When I try to stay in, it's no surprise♪

♪ It's a fail, it's okay, I'm one of a kind♪

♪ One of a, one of a kind♪

♪ So anytime I feel some type of way♪

♪ Don't understand the human race♪

♪ So what, so what, so what♪

♪ I do my thing, I do my thing♪

♪ You do your thing, You do your thing♪

♪ When we don't fit in♪

♪ We stand out in the crowd and we shout it loud♪

♪ I do my thing, I do my thing♪

♪ I'm the one and only, I'm the one and only♪

♪ Don't try to fit in, Don't try to fit in♪

♪ Mm-hmm, I do my thing♪

Come on, Boyle, you really think I failed this project?

Gabby, it's clear that you don't care

about the history of Havensburg at all.

I live in the now, my guy.

Why do I need to know about a bunch of boring old people

doing boring old people stuff?

Is this you trying to convince me

to change your grade?

- Boily, my dude. - Ah, ah.

Did you just call me "Boily"?

There has to be some way I can get my grade up.

Hmm.

For the final stop on our tour of the historic home

of Ezekiel Burg,

the brave and fearless founder of Havensburg

is, um... uh...

Uh-- Aha!

Ezekiel Burg's spittoon,

where he would... spit all of his tobacco juice.

Legend has it Ezekiel Burg's son,

Ezekiel Burg Jr. mysteriously vanished one day.

When Ezekiel learned of the news,

he spat so hard he cracked his spittoon

and vowed never to replace it until his son returned,

which sadly never happened.

Oh, that is dark and gross. Hm.

Yeah, that's the end of our tour.

Thanks for coming.

Have fun churning butter or whatever.

Check out the gift shop.

"After being a tour guide for the historic home

"of Ezekiel Burg,

"you'll have a greater appreciation of town history.

Then we'll talk about your grade."

Pssh. Can you believe that?

Exactly.

Hm.

Hm.

But I am rocking this frock.

I wonder if there are any old timey accessories to complete the look.

What the--?

Ha! Yeah! Ha!

Yeah! Ah!

Mutter. Not Mah-ter.

Come on, Duran,

you're speaking German like a child!

Be gone, you stupid stain.

This is cutting into my violin practice.

Hey, babe. Everything all right?

You seem a little stressed.

Yup. Everything's under control.

- Are you sure? - Yep, I got it.

Well, if you decide you don't got it,

I'll just be in my room.

"Get here now! I need you! Drop everything!"

Nothing like a good soak

and vibing out to a little Javarkian space rock.

What is it? What's wrong?

Can you grab my bevvie for me?

I am so thirsty.

That's why you texted me?

- Also, what are you doing?

Oh, I'm just a taking morning dip in my custom built trashcuzzi.

Nothing like the feeling of hot garbage against your skin

to help relieve the stress in your life.

You should really try it sometime. You seem stressed.

I'm not stressed! Why does everyone think I'm stressed?

You're the one who's stressed.

I know.

That's why I'm in the trashcuzzi relieving my stress.

Don't knock it till you try it, boo.

I'm not going to try it because I'm not stressed!

Now, I have a lot of stuff to do. A good day to you.

Some people have zero chill.

Whoa. What is this place?

What's this thing?

Ew, is that soup?

Whoa, who are you?

My name is Ezekiel Burg Jr. And who might you be?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Let me get this straight.

You're Ezekiel Burg's son, the one who vanished?

What do you mean, vanished?

Surely I've been in the cryo chamber for but a moment.

Yeah. You've been in there for 200 years.

- What? - Also, we need to talk

about all the technology in here.

Where'd you get all this stuff?

Uh...

Oh. I'm sorry, but I haven't had a meal in,

well, apparently 200 years.

Could we talk over a nice supper?

Perhaps a hearty bowl of pottage?

Mm, yes, mm. Tremendous.

What is this divine cuisine and this exotic beverage?

That's a taco.

And I believe that's just water.

Clean water?

This is unreal.

Ezekiel Burg Jr. is sitting right in front of me.

As a time travel hound,

it's always been a dream of mine

to meet a real clock jumper.

So, how'd you do it?

Space time dilation?

Tipler's Infinity Cylinder?

Luge through a worm hole into the future?

Ol' Zeke here froze himself in some weird box.

Zeke?

Still counts! Frozen clock jumper, baby!

Speaking of which, what was that thing?

I suppose it all began when I first met Tarley...

'Twas near sundown on my nightly pheasant hunt.

-When boom!

I heard a loud crash yonder in the clearing.

When I arrived at the crash site,

my eyes gazed upon something uncanny.

Although we were from different planets,

Tarley and I formed a secret friendship.

We built a room underneath my home

and spent the summer trying to fix his spacecraft.

We also built other fancy alien gadgets.

Tarley was quite the--

What are you doing, woman?

What is that magical black box

you've captured my likeness with?

Oh, this? It's a phone.

Look, it's not too often I meet another person who knows about aliens,

so I thought I'd capture the moment, okay?

Wait, you also know of star pilgrims?

Yeah, but we're the only ones.

So keep your voice down.

Well, Gabriela, from one secret-knower of star pilgrim to another...

you've captured my soul with your witchcraft.

Now destroy that image at once.

Okay. No pictures.

Hm.

Anywho...

Havensburg was in the clutches of an awful plague,

which meant that mother had to serve us piping hot pottage

to burn the plague out of it.

I'm an impatient lad, especially when it comes to my pottage.

So I had Tarley fashion a high tech cooling chamber

to accelerate the pottage cooling process.

I must have hit a wrong button.

Locked myself in there indefinitely.

Wait, so all this happened because you didn't want

to wait for your soup to cool down?

It was very hot.

Poor Tarley. If I went missing,

the alien kids I babysit wouldn't know what to do.

We've got to figure out a way to get you back to him.

- But how? - I have no clue.

But I think I know someone who might.

Thanks, Gabby.

As the resident time travel expert,

I would be honored to figure this one out.

Step one, we're going to need a lot of cuckoo clocks.

I was thinking of someone a little more alien.

Come on, Duran, this is basic Bach.

Hey, don't knock it till you try it, boo, boo, boo,

boo, boo.

Hey Liv, I'm home early--

Whoa, what's this all about?

It's for charity.

Charity?

Yeah! It's a charity I'm starting called Trash for Tots.

We collect trash for toddlers

so they can recycle it and make money.

Trash for cash.

That is... such a great idea.

You know what? I can use my segment

on the news to help promote it.

I think it sounds great.

But we're probably going to need a stronger visual.

So tell you what, why don't we both go try to find

as much trash as we can and meet back up before dinner?

No!

I'll take care of it.

Okay, if you say so. I'm so proud of you, honey.

Yay.

Holy Wilmingtons!

A Phase One Zagorian Shifter?

A Meekon Flux Wand? This is so cool!

Yeah, real cool.

So do you think you can send

Zeke back to 1821 or what?

As cool as it is,

that you knew my great-great-grandfather Tarley,

I'm not sure I can help.

Even if I knew when to send you, there's no telling where I'd send you.

You could end up in a volcano, could you imagine?

You'd be crispier than a Slughorn Shrimp at a Kalaxian barbecue!

You'd so get that joke if you were from my home planet.

So it seems I won't be returning home after all.

Wait a sec.

Your clothes are from 1821?

Aye. My mother stitched them by hand.

Egads, I miss her.

If I take a piece of Zeke's clothing, I may be able

to triangulate the location of his past form.

Then I can cross-reference with the time DNA

to the temperature of his real DNA.

And then you run all of that through a cuckoo clock and you--

Can send him to 1821 right before he froze himself!

Exactly. Except for the cuckoo clock part.

Great, so we can send him back.

Take my vest. 1821, here I come.

Uh, not so fast.

It's going to take a couple hours to build the machine

and probably a lot of heavy lifting.

Already on it.

I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with this.

I'll wait for instructions, I'm just very excited.

Also, I want to be clear.

There's a big chance this won't work. Like, big.

- I understand. - Don't worry.

Rooney is the best, it's going to work.

In the meantime, why don't I show you around the town your family founded?

Just a few more bags to go.

Um, excuse me, but what the heck are you doing in my trashcuzzi?

Nothing! I'm doing nothing.

Oh, you're doing something and that something is stealing

my sweet steamy trash sauce.

But I need it for my mom!

Tell her to get her own trash!

Ahh!

Jeremy, did you fill the toilet up with old taco meat?

What is going on in here?

Olivia tried to steal my trash and then dove into the trashcuzzi.

You okay? You feeling relaxed?

No, I am not feeling relaxed!

I feel like I'm in over my head with trash.

I feel like I'm in over my head with everything.

German, High Tea Society, karate, violin,

doing Mom's stupid trash report!

I think we should do something.

You know, as much as I love a train wreck,

I think you're right.

Good golly, Gabby, today's been incredible.

I look positively French in these fine garments.

The future is a blessed place indeed.

Yeah, dude, it's pretty lit, right?

And I actually had a good time learning about

all the crazy history our town has.

I never thought I'd say this, but maybe history is kind of cool.

Wes and Rooney got the machine working.

It's time to get you home.

According to my calculations, if Zeke jumps through that portal,

he'll be dropped into his 1821 self

right before he entered the freeze tank

and everything will go back to normal.

And according to my calculations,

I just spent my afternoon building a time machine,

which makes this the best day of my life.

So he jumps in the swirly green thing

and our problems are solved?

Pretty much, yeah.

Okay, you ready?

Gabby, you know, I've had such a wonderful time with you here.

I was thinking I could possibly... stay?

Stay... woke?

Stay here in the future with you.

But what about Tarley?

Look, I like Tarley, but I like tacos more

and the water here is so clean you don't even have to chew it.

Uh, Gabby, I can't keep this portal open forever.

Okay, I think all the sugary foods you ate earlier are getting to your head.

You need to go back to 1821 like, now.

- I don't want to. - But you have to.

- I want to stay. - You have to go.

- Stay! - Go!

Sorry, Gabriela.

But if you love the past so much,

why don't you go there yourself?

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ah!

Oh, come on!

Okay, no big deal.

Zeke pushed me back to 1821.

I don't know where Ezekiel Burg lives

and it is freezing beyond belief in the past.

Hey, hey you!

What do you want, peasant girl?

Peasant girl? I'm not the one coated in goat stank.

Look, just tell me where Ezekiel Burg's estate is.

Why? So that you might rob him, no doubt.

- No. - Let me look at you.

- Huh? Huh? - Ooh!

That's-- that's bad.

I'm here to, uh...

sell him some gum.

What is this "gum" you speak of?

It's like a candy-coated sugar stick. Try some.

Hm? It's like a stick of winter wind in my mouth.

Tell me where the Burg estate is

and I'll give you the whole pack.

It's down yonder a half mile past the creek!

I must have more "gum"! Will you barter?

I have a goat for trade!

You pushed Gabby into the past.

'Twas an accident.

You literally said,

"If you love the past so much, why don't you go there yourself?"

I thought it sounded dramatic.

I was all agog with future delights!

But I'm not going back to 1821.

I want to stay here! Home of the Cheesy Chacho Chalupa!

Is that thing dangerous?

It's a Galactian Energy Sceptre, of course it's dangerous!

Principal Swift? What're you doing here?

So sorry to bother you, Ms. Duran,

but I found Olivia in quite the state today.

After a brief yet very trash-filled intervention,

Jeremy and I were able to help her realize

that she needs to talk to you about something.

So, yeah, I think I took on too much.

Do you think it's okay if I drop a few things

to make a little more time to just relax?

Of course, mi amor. I'm sorry you felt so overwhelmed.

And I never want you to feel like

you can't come to me with these things.

Why don't you think about what you want to cut back on

and we'll talk about it tomorrow?

Thanks, Mom.

Honey, don't take this the wrong way,

but you smell like wet garbage.

Don't ruin the moment, Mom.

Oh.

Ah, hot!

I need to cool down my pottage.

Hey, Zeke!

Stop right there!

Who are you? What are you doing in my secret room?

My name is Gabby Duran.

I'm from Havensburg 200 years from now.

We just spent a day together.

I know you and Tarley built this freezer to cool down your soup

because your mom had to burn the plague out of it,

which is just crazy to me.

But you can't get inside because you'll freeze yourself

and end up in the future.

Wait.

You're telling me that in the future, there's plague-less soup?

Uh, most of the time, yes.

What are you doing?

I hate it here.

I want to go to the future with plague-less soup.

- Stay back, or I'll blast you both. - Whoa!

You know what, Zeke? You are just--

The worst! I had a very similar fight with you

like, 200 years from now.

Oh!

My soul! You've captured my soul.

Yeah, I did.

That's 'cause I'm a-- a freaky future witch

and this is a soul capturing device.

No, please, I'll do anything to keep myself

safe from dark magic.

Spare me, oh powerful future witch.

You're going to let me into that freezer

so I can go back to the future.

And you're not going to tell anyone what happened today

'cause I'll be listening.

Future witches always be listening.

And if you don't do what I say, I'll delete your soul.

You understand?

Understood.

You can have the freezer. I won't tell anyone.

That's what I like to hear.

All right.

Let's hope this works.

Holy cruddlesticks! That was close.

Wait, if Zeke isn't here, then...

What year is it?

- Whoa! - She's back!

How did you know to do that?

I'm a time travel hound, baby. It's what I do.

So I spent the last day doing

a deep dive into the history of Havensburg.

Like real deep.

And you know what I learned?

History is the worst.

But that's a good thing, because if history wasn't the worst,

then we couldn't appreciate how awesome we have it today.

And hopefully 250 years from now,

people will look back at us

and say, "Hey, those guys were the worst."

'Cause that would mean the future is even better.

Also, their soup had plague in it.

C minus.

I'll take it. Yes!

Oh, cruddlesticks.

As hard as I try,

I can't generate enough power to keep the future portal open.

Well keep trying, Tarley.

I must get my soul back from the future witch

known as Gabby Duran.

Next time on "Gabby Duran & the Unsittables"...

Humans take Friday night plans very seriously.

Everyone's booked but me.

You'll be babysitting Demi.

I'm an extraterrestrial smarthouse.

- Great, I'm babysitting a house.

I invited them over.

Let the Friday night friend-fest rage on, my brothers!

How am I going to explain to a bunch of humans

that this is an alien house?

Gorgeous.