Original subtitles

GOAT of the Month?

Man, I love a good zine.

"Every month, we, the secret GOAT committee,

"will select

"one crazy, exceptional student

"and dub them the Greatest Of All Time...

"Of The Month.

"This month's GOAT is...

Chaz for being the first guy in our class to grow a mustache."

Oh... yeah...

The Greatest Of All Time Of The Month.

It's the title you and me

were born for.

There's no way we don't win this!

This is ridiculous!

There are not this many kids at our school

more crazy exceptional than us, Wes!

It's unfair is what it is! I mean,

Trevor got the GOAT last month

for crab-walking everywhere he goes.

Crab walk, baby!

You can stop it now, Trevor! You already won!

We gotta do something, Wes.

-Something big.

-Wes. -Susie.

-Gabby. -Susie...

I'm hosting an open mic fundraiser

to support my honor society service project.

"Open Mics for Broken Bikes"?

You can sing, dance...

wear a lot of tie-dye. Whatever.

And who knows? Maybe someone from the GOAT committee

will be there,

since you seem to care so much about that.

-Are you thinking what I'm-- -You know it, Wes!

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ I do normal like a fish rides a bicycle ♪

♪ Fit in like summer and an icicle ♪

♪ Don't fight it, just be an original ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ I roller skate outside the lines ♪

♪ When I try to stay in, it's no surprise ♪

♪ It's a fail, it's okay, I'm one of a kind ♪

♪ One of a, one of a kind

♪ So anytime I feel some type of way ♪

♪ Don't understand the human race ♪

♪ So what, so what, so what

♪ I do my thing, I do my thing ♪

♪ You do your thing, You do your thing ♪

♪ When we don't fit in

♪ We stand out in the crowd and we shout it loud ♪

♪ I do my thing, I do my thing ♪

♪ I'm the one and only, I'm the one and only ♪

♪ Don't try to fit in, Don't try to fit in ♪

♪ Mm-hmm, I do my thing

Once we crush that open mic

with a bruising, but redemptive duet,

everyone's finally gonna see how awesome we are,

and it'll be boom!

-Instant GOAT.

What are you doing?

My body is my instrument, Gabby.

I have to warm it up. I suggest you do the same.

Hm.

And I've already got the perfect song picked out.

-"Side By Side" by the Parker Brothers. -Huh.

All about friendship and in the perfect range

for two great voices. Okay.

Let's do this. Oh.

Ah.

Chatty Chester chewed a chunk of...

♪ Cheese...

[cracking, terrible singing]: Chatty Chester chewed a chunk of...

♪ Cheese...

Um, what were those...

mouth noises that just happened?

What do you mean?

I thought you said you had

a great singing voice.

I do.

Oh! I get it. It's because I'm tone deaf, right?

Lemme ask you this.

What makes a great singer?

Perfect pitch,

or perfect passion?

Why don't we just get into it?

Oh, first.

I could use a little agua to lube up the old pipe-aroonies.

-May I? -Actually, I--

Ah...

I'll just... not drink that now.

When life...

♪ Is so hard...

And you...

♪ You need a friend...

Jeremy, we need to talk about your blobbing out.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

You have been slain! -Ah!

Why is our internet so bad?!

--5 -G my butt!

Dah! Get back in the bread!

And that was just today!

Quite frankly, it's unbecoming.

You are the future leader of a planet!

You cannot be blobbing out all over the place.

You need to be composed.

Dignified. You know, like me.

What are you talking about?

You're not composed or dignified.

I am, too.

But we're not talking about me. We're talking about you.

Clearly, you need to learn

to center yourself. So, from now on,

you'll be spending an hour each morning

listening to some calming audio files I found on the internet.

I am calm! I am a tree!

My thoughts are like clouds!

-Yeah, I'm not doing that.

I'm sorry, but you have to.

Says who?

Says me. Now, you can get all worked up

and blob yourself out about it, or you can be like me.

Mr. Cool.

That's a-a nickname I was given.

You gave that nickname to yourself.

Did I?

I did. Regardless,

-you should still be more like me.

Mr. Cool.

This is a disaster!

Wes's voice is a dumpster fire!

We'll be booed offstage and humiliated

in front of everybody!

I'm Gabby, by the way, your new babysitter.

And I am Astra,

the baby to which you sit.

Gabby,

if I may ponder.

Why don't you just drop out of the show?

Stone of Saturn.

Because Wes is really excited

-and I don't wanna break his delicate...

child-like heart.

Then it seems your destiny is sealed.

Gas of Jupiter.

Whatcha mixing there?

A potion that'll solve all my problems

and help me become next month's GOAT?

Seriously, do you have that?

And a bunch of mini-marshmallows.

This is my night-night milk.

It helps me go night-night.

But I could turn you into a goat if that's what you'd like.

I have potions for just about everything.

Any chance you have something here

that could make Wes a better singer?

I just wish he had a voice like mine.

In order to make this potion,

I will need a sample of your friend's DNA.

Will backwash do?

There's a lot of it.

Not only will it do, but it is done.

GOAT Of The Month, here I come.

-Night-night milk? -Sure, why not?

Here's to giving my best friend

an alien potion to turn his terrible voice into gold.

This night-night milk is delicious.

How long does it take to...

Targolian throat spray?

Yep.

An alien client of mine gave it to me.

Said it's really supposed to relax the vocal cords.

And you know what they say.

A relaxed voice is a melodic voice.

They do say that.

Although, I gotta say,

my V-cords have been feeling pretty loose lately,

-so... -Just use it.

Okay...

Wow.

That really does relax the vocal cords.

I feel like a better singer already.

Mm.

You want some?

Oh. No!

That's really more of a... you thing.

Come on, Gabby. You know what they say.

A relaxed voice is a melodic voice.

They do say that.

Eh, why not.

Can't ever have too much of a good thing, right?

See you at rehearsal!

Hours of work, but it was worth it.

I can see why humans enjoy

building these tiny boats for rats.

Principal! I need you!

-Yes, Jeremy? What is it? Hey,

-buddy!

Glor-Bron.

What's he doing here?

Well, Jer-bear told me you wanted to apologize

for all the ways you've wronged me in the past,

and I thought to myself,

uh, about dang time!

So I hopped on the first spaceship out, and here I am!

Me?

Apologize to you? You're the one

who took my fancy drinking stick and...

Uh, I mean, uh, this is totally fine.

My sworn nemesis being in

my home sanctuary

doesn't infuriate me at all.

I am so chill right now.

I'm gonna make you blob out.

Never. Hey!

-Is that a tiny ship? -No, don't--

Oopsies!

-Lemme just-- Nope.

Yikes. Ooh,

my carefully crafted, hand-made rat boat.

Okay, that's my bad.

But honestly, Swift.

If you didn't want it destroyed,

you shouldn't have made it so small.

So...

You wanted to apologize to me?

Gabby! I saw the biggest leaf on my way here!

Great story, bud, but let's get to rehearsing.

I wanna hear you sing!

As if it were the first time.

Okay...

And a-one, and a-two, and a...

When life...

♪ Is so hard...

Wait. Sing again.

When life...

♪ Is so hard...

Now you sing.

When life...

♪ Is so hard

-You have my singing voice! -You have my singing voice!

And... I...

am...

sorry.

Good. That's over with,

so I suppose you'll be going.

Are you kidding me?

Now that you two've cleared the air,

you should hang out all night

and get to know each other better.

Oh, that's... not necessary.

Of course it is!

It's like who is this blob

I've spent my whole life hating, you know?

I wanna peel back the layers.

You and me are gonna be

-best friends! -Ow!

Isn't that great, Principal?

Glor-Bron's going to stay.

And you're going to be best friends.

You see, the key to a good soup is to eat it

as slowly as possible.

That is like music to my ears.

Will you excuse me?

You were right, Glor-Bron.

You can climb me like a tree.

Pardon me for a second.

-What does this one do? What's this one do?

-What's this one do?

What does this one do?

Boop!

Yes! I get it!

-My nose was the button! -Yeah!

BRB!

-What gives, Principal...

Ah! Ah!

Rah...

Jeremy!

No, th-this isn't what it looks like.

I'm... I'm...

Oh, fine.

You caught me.

This is my Stomp Room.

Your what now?

My Stomp Room!

Where I go to curtail my rage,

so I don't blob out all the time.

I knew you weren't Mr. Cool!

You're no better than me at all!

You're just a stinking hypocrite!

Well, at least I have the decency

to expel my rage in private

instead of blobbing out

for all to see, like some

uncivilized barbarian!

Guys?

Uh, Glor-Bron!

W... we can explain.

No need to explain, my brother.

I know what's going on here.

You two have some serious blobbing out issues.

And once upon a time,

your old pal Glorby did, too.

But, I was able to get past

my yellies and screamies, and with my help,

you will, too.

No thanks. We're good.

Oh.

Perhaps I didn't make myself clear.

I'm not leaving

until I heal you.

-Boop!

[Gabby's voice, vocalizing]: Ah...

[Wes' voice, cracking]: Ah...

So, as you can see,

we've swapped singing voices.

And like I explained to Wes on our way over here,

that can only mean that potion you made to help us

"relax our vocal cords"

went awry.

Gabby,

your words stray so far from the truth.

-Allow me to guide them back. -Nah, I'll pass.

What Gabby actually asked for

was a potion to give you a singing voice as good as hers.

Therefore, the potion gave you Gabby's voice.

And since nothing exists in the universe without balance,

it gave Gabby your voice in exchange.

-Why would you do that, Gabby?

Why does anyone do anything?

Gabby did this because she thought your voice was

a dumpster fire that would humiliate her

-in front of everyone. -You're really not helping.

I can't believe

you did something so extreme behind my back?

Are you that embarrassed of me?

Not you! Your terrible singing voice!

Wait, that came out wrong.

Look, I just wanted to be the GOAT--

You know what, Gabby?

You can be the GOAT on your own. I quit.

Wes, wait!

You don't deserve...

♪ My...

♪ Enthu...

♪ ...siasm!

His voice...

It's beautiful.

Thank you.

I feel so bad for hurting Wes.

You know, we are all on our own journeys.

Your journey just happened to make your best friend

feel like a worthless piece of Snarlax dung.

But that's your journey.

-I just wanted my journey to lead to GOAT-dom. -Gabby,

why do you desire to be this GOAT so badly?

I don't know. It's like...

I have this awesome job,

and I do all this cool stuff babysitting aliens,

but no one ever knows

about any of it.

I guess it just would've felt nice to get acknowledged for once.

And if that comes at the expense of your relationship

with Wesley?

Is it worth it then?

You're right.

I gotta go fix this.

Wait.

Don't you want a potion to swap your voices back?

Not yet.

I have something to do first.

Aw man!

My parents are gonna kill me!

But such is our journey.

And so I say to thee,

"There is freedom in the hoop."

Thank you, Howard, for that display of slam dunk poetry.

Which, somehow, counts as a talent.

Open Mics for Broken Bikes is going to take

a five-minute break, and we'll be right back.

You getting up there tonight?

I thought I was, but that was just a dream.

The naive dream of

a golden-voiced naive dreamer.

Cool, cool.

Hey, y'all.

I was supposed to be up here with my friend Wes

tonight, but I...

acted like a jerk.

So, now I'd like to dedicate

this song to him as an apology.

Wes?

You're the best friend I've ever had,

and absolutely nothing about you could embarrass me.

When life...

♪ Is so hard...

♪ And you

♪ You need a friend

-Wow. Her voice is terrible.

♪ Right beside you

♪ Someone to carry you home

She's dying up there.

For me.

I gotta do something.

-[Gabby's voice, singing]: You and I, right from...

♪ The start

♪ Nothing here

♪ Can tear us apart

An angel sings for us tonight.

♪ 'Cause I got you, and you got me ♪

♪ We're side by side...

♪ I can always count on you

♪ You can always pull me through ♪

♪ You're my someone

♪ My always

♪ You're my friend for life

♪ I can always count on you to be ♪

♪ By my si...

♪ ...ide!

♪ Right by my side

♪ Right by my side ♪

♪ Right by my side

♪ Right by my side! ♪

Well,

here we are, friends.

After 20 straight hours of hard emotional labor,

10 consecutive sessions of eye-gazing meditation,

and one lively song-and-dance number

performed by yours truly...

♪ Bye-bye, rage ♪

♪ You're not welcome here no more! ♪

We're all done.

How do you feel?

I feel so healed!

-I've been broken open!

Broken open a-and pieced back together whole!

Well...

My brilliant guidance saved two more souls.

Man.

I am a gift.

Farewell, my friends. Stay strong...

Stay evolved.

-I can't believe

the most obnoxious being in the galaxy

actually proved to have an impact on us.

Wait.

That blob rag helped us?

That really ticks me off!

Me as well, Jeremy!

Consider me fully ticked!

I'm really sorry I went behind your back like that.

I got so worked up about this whole GOAT thing,

I lost sight of what really matters-- our friendship.

Thanks. And honestly,

taking your pipes for a spin has been pretty dope.

I felt like I was flying out there, Gabby.

You were, bud. You were.

And you know? After experiencing it myself,

your voice is actually--

Terrible?

Yeah. I couldn't land that plane.

-Yep. -One thing's for sure.

I'm definitely over this GOAT thing.

You and me both, sister.

-Oh, come on!

Howard for his slam dunk poetry?

Thank you, my muse.

We earned this.

Next time on "Gabby Duran and the Unsittables"...

It's me and Sky's anniversary today.

-I need to break up with you. 'Kay, bye!

Whoa. Who are they?

They're the Latino Club.

-Where can a girl sign up? -What's your favorite food?

Peanut butter and jelly arepas

are kind of a Gabby D. specialty.

You are such a gringa.

Can you believe that?

That basically means they don't think

I'm Latina enough to be there.

Gorgeous.