Original subtitles

Jeremy consumes flaming hot

nacho cheese tortilla chips,

reacting with his molecular structure

to transform him into a flaming glob of destruction.

What do you do?

Easy. I neutralize hot nacho with cool ranch,

thereby restoring the party chip equilibrium.

I'm no chip scientist, but that sounds pretty right to me.

Hm... And, in the event of a power outage?

We drain the Orb's battery until it dies,

-and then we light candles. I don't like that plan.

Swifty, relax.

-I told you. Everything's gonna be fine. Oh Gabby,

this is your first overnight babysitting assignment.

It's a huge step up in responsibility,

and I need to feel

secure that nothing is going to go wrong.

And nothing will go wrong! Now,

get outta here and go enjoy the Uncle Conference.

Which, I just wanna double-check,

-we're still sure is a thing? -Oh, of course it's a thing.

And I must admit,

I am quite looking forward to what I can only assume

will be a-a wide array of

uncle-centric workshops.

Learning how to say things like,

"Hey there, big guy," and give noogies,

and that sort of thing. Heh, not to mention

the opportunity to, uh, network with other uncles.

Very well, then. I must be off.

Jeremy, I shall return to you

a more admirable uncle.

Better equipped to help guide you

through life's horrific gauntlet.

I can only hope that in my absence,

-you--

Heeey!

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ I do normal like a fish rides a bicycle ♪

♪ Fit in like summer and an icicle ♪

♪ Don't fight it, just be an original ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ I roller skate outside the lines ♪

♪ When I try to stay in, it's no surprise ♪

♪ It's a fail, it's okay, I'm one of a kind ♪

♪ One of a, one of a kind

♪ So anytime I feel some type of way ♪

♪ Don't understand the human race ♪

♪ So what, so what, so what

♪ I do my thing, I do my thing ♪

♪ You do your thing, You do your thing ♪

♪ When we don't fit in

♪ We stand out in the crowd and we shout it loud ♪

♪ I do my thing, I do my thing ♪

♪ I'm the one and only, I'm the one and only ♪

♪ Don't try to fit in, Don't try to fit in ♪

♪ Mm-hmm, I do my thing

So, I've been thinking about it, and Swift is right.

An overnight babysitting job

is a huge step up in responsibility.

So, I say we play it safe tonight.

Stay in, watch a movie,

in bed by 8:00. What do you say?

No, seriously though. Tonight is gonna be

the most ridiculously epic night of babysitting ever!

Yeah it is! I'm wearing 10 pairs of underwear just in case.

-In case of what? -You don't wanna know.

Okay then... Let's run through the itinerary.

First up in our epic night, we're gonna eat

a boatload of Luchachos!

-How much? -A boatload!

-What happens then? -Then, we're gonna mess with the Orb.

Watch out, Orb! We coming for ya!

Please don't. -Sorry, pal.

Third, we use every toy at our disposal

to build a massive and painstakingly detailed megacity.

I love a megacity!

Which we then immediately destroy!

Uh, Gabby? This is your part.

We kinda have a call-and-respond thing going here.

Whoa. Change of plans, bud.

We're going to Fly Friday '90s pop-up shop.

"Buckets of bucket hats?

The most oversized of oversized overalls"?

Come on! We gotta hurry. These pop-up shops are only around

for a limited time before they disappear forever.

Not unlike the '90s themselves.

But, what about the most ridiculously epic

night of babysitting ever?

The Luchachos? The megacity? The boatload?

There'll be plenty of time for all that stuff later!

Now, let's go. It's only open until 5:00.

I'm not leaving. I'm already in my evening wear, Gabby,

and once I emotionally commit to a wardrobe,

I find it very difficult to change.

Okay, okay. How about this?

The shop's just down the street. You stay here,

I'll duck out real quick, and be back before you know it.

You're the babysitter. You can't just leave me alone.

-Buckets of bucket hats...

I'll be back in 15 minutes.

Twenty tops.

You won't even know I'm gone!

-Besides, the Orb can watch you.

Not going to happen.

See? You'll be fine!

You told your dad I know about aliens, right?

-Yes, Wesley. -And you told him

I'm Senior Executive Liaison to Intergalactic Affairs?

-I did. -Okay.

-He was not impressed. -Oh...

-Hey! -It's gonna be awkward!

And he's gonna judge me, and honestly,

that cheese I ate earlier is really upsetting my stomach.

Wesley, relax. It's just a dinner.

But what if your dad hates me?

What if he hates my pants? What if he hates my shirt?

Oh! I told my mom I don't have

the right torso for button-downs!

Look at me.

I like you, so he'll like you.

Come on.

Let's do our calming exercise.

What?

Breathe in for four.

Out for four. No need to cause an uproar.

In for three, out for three.

My fears are tiny as a flea.

In for two, out for two.

I am calm, and so are you.

Ready?

Oh, and my dad's really into his new wig,

so make you sure you compliment--

Wesley.

I am pleased you join us.

Hoo! Look at this haul!

And Jeremy said I shouldn't leave him alone.

Now then, time to get back to

the most ridiculously epic night of babysitting--

So, I... kinda lost the house.

What do you mean you lost the house?!

After you left, Jimbuk came over and bet me

that I couldn't do 10 sit-ups in a row,

and you know how strong my core is,

so I had to challenge him.

I... choked under pressure.

So, he just took the house with him?!

Don't be naive. He shrunk it first, then took it.

He... shrunk... it?

This is not good.

Swifty! How are things?

Gabby, I called the house phone,

and no one answered! Is everything okay?

Everything's fine. Jeremy's fine. The house is fine,

and totally still here.

We must've been having so much normal fun,

we couldn't hear the phone.

Well, I was just calling to check in,

but it sounds like everything's fine.

Super fine! Anyway, gotta go. Enjoy the conference!

This is not my fault!

So the house wasn't taken while you were out buying overalls?

Let's just go find Jimbuk.

I love your wig, Mister... Sky's Dad.

You can tell this is a wig?

No! No, no! I mean, if it were, it'd be really nice,

but it's totally not, so...

Is it warm in here, or do I just

wanna die a little on the inside?

Wes brought sparkling cider with him.

You have to try it. It's so apply!

You're gonna love it. It's from my grandpa's apple orchard.

You gotta be careful with these.

I once saw a rogue cider top knock a guy out cold.

-Luckily for us...

-I'm a pro.

I think it stopped.

-Oh! Oh!

Oh no! Oh, sorry!

Oh! Ah.

Oh...

I'm so sorry about that! Th-that was...

-Ah!

-Ow...

Did your flatulence just break my chair?

Okay, we're here. So,

-where's Jimbuk? -I don't know.

Speak of the Jimbuk...

and he shall appear.

Okay, knock it off, and give us the house back.

-Sorry, Abby. -Gabby.

Agree to disagree. I won that house

fair and square, thanks to our mutual friend

Jeremy's soft-as-butter core.

Don't you ever talk about my core like that!

-Hold me back, Gabby. -What do you want for it?

I prepared a list of items

that I am willing to trade for.

A milkshake of lost souls...

-Oh... -the ashes of a phoenix yet to rise...

a Derek who looks like an Eric.

Okay, enough of this!

If you don't give us the house right now--

And the Jimbuk is gone!

Oh!

Nuh!

Okay, so you may have

ruined dinner before it started,

but you can still finish strong.

You can go out there and show everyone

that you cannot be rattled!

You are a survivor! You are unbreakable!

See? Just avoided a major disaster.

Things are looking up already.

-Oh...

Why?! How?!

Are you okay in there?

Uh, I'm fine!

Are you sure? Because...

Help me before your dad...

Oh no.

Young male,

you have soiled my kitchen with your carbonated Earth drink,

ravaged my chair with your flatulence,

and now you have destroyed my toilet!

Probably with some sort of tomahawk dookie.

You have brought so much dishonor upon my house

that I'm afraid I have no other choice.

Wesley,

I challenge you to a mind duel.

This night's getting really outta hand.

Now then, where were we?

I love you, Jimbuk.

Of course you do, Abby. And who could blame you?

What are you-- Ah!

Grab the house and run!

I really don't think we need to resort to violence.

Jeremy, make her stop! This wasn't part of the plan!

-Ow! -What are you talking about? What... plan?

He's lying!

Explain yourself now.

It was his idea to shrink the house

and make me steal it!

Traitor! I told you not to say anything!

I'm just an innocent party!

This was your idea?

You gave the house to Jimbuk and told him to shrink it?

Yeah! 'Cause you ditched me!

I stepped away for 20 minutes!

That might as well be eight years with my attention span.

Stop! Stop! Everybody, just calm down!

-Now, before anyone does anything rash,

I need to retrieve my figurines.

Whoa!

This wouldn't have happened if you didn't ditch me.

No, this wouldn't have happened if you didn't tell Jimbuk

to shrink the house and bring it back

to his creepy bachelor pad.

Actually, I live with my grandmother.

Oh, Swift's gonna kill us!

How could you possibly think this was a good idea?

This isn't my fault!

You only have time for me when we're on

some crazy alien adventure.

I thought that if I made one up,

we could finally have some quality time together.

Do you really think that?

I like hanging out with you, Gabby,

but I just wish you like hanging out with me

as much as you like bucket hats.

Of course, I like hanging out with you.

You're hilarious.

You don't care what people think about you.

You're one of the coolest kids,

alien or human, that I've ever met,

and if you don't know that,

then that's my fault. And I'm sorry.

But, hey. I'm gonna make this up to you.

-We can still have--

-Swifty! - Gabby, there has

-been a misunderstanding.

Turns out, the Uncle Convention

is not for human uncles.

Rather, UNCLE is an acronym for

the United Network of Cheetah and Leopard Enthusiasts.

Hm. Who would've thought?

-Needless to say, I am quite disappointed...

and will be returning home early.

Well, you're already there,

so you might as well stay!

You know what they say, never turn down an opportunity

to learn about the big cats.

-Literally nobody has ever said that, Gabby.

I shall return in a couple of hours.

-Goodbye!

So, change of plans. Swift is on his way home,

and we need to have that house

fixed and fully-sized when he gets there.

-So, here's what we're gonna do.

First, we're gonna eat a boatload of Luchachos!

Then, we're gonna rebuild Swift's house like

it's a massive and painstakingly detailed megacity...

-Which we immediately destroy! -Absolutely not.

But once the house is fixed and normal-sized,

-we're gonna mess with the Orb! -We're gonna mess with the Orb!

So, what do you say, Jer-Bear? You ready to have

the most ridiculously epic night of babysitting ever?

Let's do it!

Yes! Let's all do it!

You're... not a part of this, Jimbuk.

So, explain to me again why I'm in a weird helmet

-getting ready to fight your dad? -I told you.

You broke the toilet, you do the mind duel.

It's how our people work.

I'm still not following.

The rules of the mind duel are simple.

Each competitor is to imagine the most fearsome thing

they can think of, and their thoughts go to battle

on the astral plane. Understand?

-I have a few questions... -If you win,

you may continue to court my daughter.

But if I win, I will extract the bones from your body

and use them to repair my porcelain throne.

-Is that negotiable? -No.

Battle will commence in three minutes.

I don't know how this happened so fast!

One minute, I'm trying to impress my girlfriend's dad,

and the next, I'm battling him for my life?!

The mind duel is by far my planet's safest form of battle.

You really have nothing to worry about, Wesley.

You're not the one who may or may not be turned into a bone toilet!

I think... I need... to do our breathing...

Help!

Breathe in for four, out for four.

No need to cause an uproar.

In for three, out for three.

My fears are tiny as a flea.

In for two, out for two...

-I am calm, and so are you. I am calm, and so am I.

What did you just say?

It is time, Wesley.

♪ One, two, three, go!

♪ Work it, work it, work it

♪ W-w-w-w-w-work it

♪ Work it, work work work work work work work it ♪

♪ Work it, work it

♪ Work it, w-w-work it

♪ Work it, work work

Okay. Hit it.

Jimbuk said it might take a while.

That's Swift! Fix this! I'll stall.

Thank you.

Swifty! Welcome back!

Home! Which is here!

-Come on, come on!

Tell me all about your trip.

Ooh. Are those from the cheetahs and leopards?

No, Gabby. There were no actual cheetahs

or leopards there. Their enthusiasts,

however, are a strange and...

intense people.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

-I just have to get inside the house-- -Uh,

what is the difference between a cheetah and a leopard?

Is it a...

species thing or a semantics thing? I--

We will have plenty of time to discuss

fauna tomorrow. Right now,

-all I want to do is relax and forget...

-everything that just happened as it was...

very traumatic.

Home sweet home.

Go Wesley!

Wait. No. Go Dad!

I'm so conflicted...

Prepare yourself.

Choose your fighter, Wesley!

I chose an alien telepath dad

because someone like that could, say,

create an incredibly realistic simulation

of a dinner going terribly wrong,

when, in reality,

it was all in that person's head.

How did you figure out that this entire evening

has been a... brain simulation?

Well, Sky's been acting weird all night.

She hates my grandpa's apple cider,

she always laughs at my involuntary bodily functions,

and she got our calming exercise wrong.

It didn't even rhyme!

It appears you know my daughter very well.

You obviously care about her a great deal.

I do, sir. Very much.

Please don't tell Sky about this.

I promised her I wouldn't do anything...

weird.

Whatever you say, Mister... Sky's Dad.

Sir. Good to see you.

Wow.

That calming exercise really worked.

Yeah. I guess it did.

Sorry again that I bailed on you.

And just so you know,

I really do like spending time with you.

Thanks, Gabby. Today really did turn out to be

the most ridiculously epic night of babysitting ever.

Please help me.

Fly swatter? Or vacuum cleaner?

-Both. Ah...

Next time on "Gabby Duran and the Unsittables"...

-You got another Orb? What's up, my dudes?

"Best Fins Forever" is the best book series of all time.

There's a contest for BFFs, Best Fins Fans,

to meet the author herself,

Amelia H.M.F. Barston.

Susie? You like Best Fins Forever?

We're gonna win the competition.

Wes and I are winning this thing

since all we have to do is be naturally awesome.

Gorgeous!