Original subtitles

And so, if we've got a binomial with two terms,

we use the FOIL method to simplify the equation.

Gabby Duran!

Care to explain why

you're a full 20 minutes late this morning?

Funny story actually.

I was hurrying to get ready for school, when my phone rang.

It was the mayor, and she wanted me to--

Let's not do this.

Do you at least have yesterday's assignment?

I think we both know that I don't.

Not the best time, I know, but I really should take this.

Just... go to the principal's office.

Already on the way!

Gabby.

Principal.

Shall we jam?

Let's jam.

Mm! What about this?

The cafeteria does Taco Tuesdays on Wednesdays.

-And what do we do on Tuesday?

Also Taco Tuesday!

Ah! I'll tell the lunch staff

to double our queso fresco budget.

Well, I should jet. Thanks for the jam session.

Anytime.

Why did you come in here again?

Can't remember!

I'm sure it wasn't important though.

Later, Jam-broni!

Later, Jam-broni! Ah...

Mm...

It's good being friends with the principal.

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ I do normal like a fish rides a bicycle ♪

♪ Fit in like summer and an icicle ♪

♪ Don't fight it, just be an original ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ I roller skate outside the lines ♪

♪ When I try to stay in, it's no surprise ♪

♪ It's a fail, it's okay, I'm one of a kind ♪

♪ One of a, one of a kind

♪ So anytime I feel some type of way ♪

♪ Don't understand the human race ♪

♪ So what, so what, so what

♪ I do my thing, I do my thing ♪

♪ You do your thing, You do your thing ♪

♪ When we don't fit in

♪ We stand out in the crowd and we shout it loud ♪

♪ I do my thing, I do my thing ♪

♪ I'm the one and only, I'm the one and only ♪

♪ Don't try to fit in, Don't try to fit in ♪

♪ Mm-hmm, I do my thing

Wes, we've got a situation on our hands.

The Congressional Fitness Test?

What's the big deal? We do it every year.

That's the big deal, Wes!

They added a mile run this year.

A mile... run!

You're gonna have to spell it out for me.

Sweating, cramping,

getting somewhere unnaturally quickly.

It goes against everything I stand for.

-You know who likes running? Freaks!

-That's who. Uh-oh!

You guys see this?!

Someone's gonna get his run on! Oh!

I should whip up some of my homemade energy drink!

See?

I'm getting out of this test.

Well, good luck.

Personally, I'm looking forward to the CFT.

It allows me to showcase my one truly elite athletic skill.

The sit-and-reach.

The sit-and-reach?

King of the Exercises?!

You sit down and reach as far forward as you can.

And you're good at this?

No.

I'm great.

The sitting,

the reaching, it hits all my strong points!

And this year, I'm gonna...

And you're not listening to a word I'm saying

'cause you're just coming up with ways

to get out of this run, aren't you?

Yeah! I bet Swifty would let me outta the test.

Good idea, Wes.

Some days,

I'm not sure what I'm getting out of this relationship.

Absolutely not.

Wait, for real?

Why not? It's just a dumb test.

It is not some "dumb test," Gabby.

It is the Congressional Fitness Test!

-How else could we quantify your capacity

for push-ups, pull-ups,

and the King of Exercises, the sit-and-reach?

Come on, Swifty. We're Jam-bronies!

I am your Jam-broni, yes,

but I am also principal of this school.

And as principal,

I need to ensure that every student complies

with the statewide fitness standards.

Including you.

By making me run around in a giant pointless circle?

I'm sorry, Gabby,

but I have to put my foot down.

You are taking this test.

You're dirty, you're loud,

you smell like an old tent,

and I can't believe I'm saying this,

but I need your help.

I'm listening.

The Greater Havensburg-Area Geography Bee is coming up,

and there are certain

members of my family that are...

invested in me winning it.

Winning my county Geo Bee was the proudest moment of my life.

The other kids called me Queen Bee, and when you win,

that's what I'm gonna call you.

We're gonna be a pair of Queen Bees! Yes.

So, win the dumb geography bee. What's the big deal?

The big deal is I have crippling stage fright!

It's haunted me my entire life.

But you seem to have no problem looking like

a complete fool in front of just about anybody.

I don't know who this "Just About Anybody" is,

but he's really starting to tick me off.

See? Exactly!

Teach me your wisdom.

I don't know. What's in it for me?

The grand prize includes a gift certificate to Tropics,

that island-themed restaurant downtown.

-Help me, and I'll spl-- -I'm in.

-Just picture it.

-Me, relaxing in the sandy booths of Tropics...

-taking a drink from the shell of one fruit...

holding the juice of a different fruit...

Hey!

We don't have time for your weird fruit fantasies.

You're right. Let's cure that stage fright.

Gabby Duran-- is here by--

excused from the-- Congressional--

Fitness Test! Please--

do not-- follow up. Yours truly,

Principal-- Principal? Swift.

Mr. Bevelaqua, your gym teacher,

brought it to my attention.

He assumed that I had hit my head

in some sort of boating accident.

That took me so long to cut together!

This isn't a joke, Gabby.

I gave you direct instruction,

and you deliberately ignored my authority.

It's... inexcusable.

I'm going to give you one more chance.

Take the test, and all will be forgiven.

Absolutely not.

Then, the Jam-bronies are no more!

You have broken the Circle of Crust!

Fine.

But I want my huckleberry jams back!

Oh... Some of those were mine!

And then he says I have to take the test.

Can you believe that?

You think you're friends with someone,

and then they go and make you run a mile.

I'd never make you run a mile.

See? And that's why we get along.

-Ow, ow, ow, ow!

-Sorry! Sorry!

-Still a work in progress.

So, uh, what are you gonna do?

Oh, don't worry about me.

If there's one thing Gabby Duran knows how to do,

it's getting out of taking a test.

Thankfully, my gym teacher

isn't the sharpest kickball in the bag.

Fooling him will be no problem.

Attention, students!

I will be personally

filling in as your gym teacher

to ensure that every student

is prepared for tomorrow's Congressional Fitness Test,

regardless of whatever clearly fake reasons

they may have for getting out of it.

-Oh, come on!

Let's begin with lunges.

Shall we?

The best way to cure your stage fright

is to just throw you into the deep end.

Interesting metaphor.

So, you're saying I have to face my fears head on.

Force myself to confront the stage fright.

Uh, no. I'm saying I wanna throw you into a pool,

but whatever. We can do your thing.

Stand up there.

Okay...

If you can recall dumb map facts in front of a holographic crowd,

then you can do it in front of real people.

Name all the countries in the range of the Himalayan Mountains!

-Nepal.

You're bad at geography!

Hey, people are mean.

-Uh, China.

Boo! I don't like your voice!

Uh, Pakistan?

Get off the stage, poser!

Where was I? Uh...

Brunei? Um, I mean Bhutan.

How's my Queen Bee?

Ah! I can't! I can't!

Honestly, this is going better than I expected.

Hey, Wes! Excited to run?

I only have eyes for one exercise.

The sit-and-reach.

Oh, eye of the tiger. Me, too.

That's why I made a big ol' batch

of my homemade energy drink. It's got, like,

tons of electrolytes, plus honey from bees

-that I spent the whole summer volunteering... -Gabby!

-...to repopulate. -You made it!

For sure. No doubt.

I actually wondered if you would try to pull

some stunt to get outta this.

You know, I'm proud of you.

It takes a big person to suck it up,

-admit they were wrong, and just--

Uh... hello?

Wessy boy!

How are you doing this?

I decided to have Fritz build a Gabby-Bot

to run the mile for me. What do you think?

It's so life-like.

-Stop that.

-I don't know. Maybe,

I just wasn't meant for the high-stakes world

of competitive geography.

Well, I'm not giving up. If we don't figure this out,

we'll never get to eat at Tropics,

and we'll be stuck at dumps like this for the rest of our lives!

You heard me! Dumps!

Do not. Badmouth.

The restaurant. You get me?

Sorry, sir.

Think, Olivia. There's gotta be some way to beat this.

Well...

there is this one thing.

-When I was a kid, I-- -You're, like, 9.

Yeah. And when I was 5,

I had this character I would do whenever I felt scared.

-Barbara from Brisbane.

How does that work?

You know, she's tougher than I am,

so she can be brave when I'm not.

Also, she's Australian.

Wait.

Do you think Barbara could help us

with my stage fight problem?

Only one way to know for sure.

You're right.

Ask me a geography question!

Uh, what's the capital of Taiwan?

Taipei! You hear that,

you rowdy bogans?

-You're doing it! -I'm doing it!

We'll never have to eat at this dump again!

Okay. Now you need to leave.

-You ready, Fritz?

-Let's do this! -Let's do this.

-Reach...

Oh!

-Oh... -Reach...

Oh.

Mm-hmm, ha, ha.

-Reach...

Good work, Wesley.

A new personal best!

Hm.

Till next year, old friend.

The next segment of the test will be the mile!

Everyone, to the starting mark, please.

Gabby-Bot is working perfectly, Fritz!

I'm just happy you're happy.

I am happy.

Hey. Make me dance.

No problemo!

-Look at him over there, thinking he broke me.

Sorry, Swifty.

You can't break a Jam-broni.

Sorry, Gabby!

-Okay...

Weird reaction...

-Uh, Fritz?

-What's going on, buddy?

-That energy drink shorted out the control board!

How many electrolytes are in that stuff?!

-Oh, thank gosh. It's rebooting.

On your marks, get set...

-go!

Rebooting. Accessing previous command.

Break a Jam-broni.

Jam-broni acquired.

Oh, Gabby, you really--

Oh...

-I'm starting to think Gabby-Bot

-wasn't such a good idea.

Now, Gabby...

I know you didn't want to run the mile,

but violence is not the answer.

-Oh no. -Ah!

Ah!

Gabby-Bot! It's gonna kill Swift!

Also,

how have you gotten so freakishly strong?!

I'm coming!

Oh! Ah! Hammy!

No, hammy! Oh!

I sit-and-reached too far!

-Gabby-Bot's gone rogue!

It's stuck in a terminal programming loop!

Well it's about to put Swift in a terminal death loop!

How do we stop it?

Uh, uh, okay! Okay!

There's an electromagnetic pulse device

that will shut down Gabby-Bot's circuits!

It's in the box under my desk!

It's just full of pictures of me!

The other box!

Disk-looking thing with a big button on it?

That's it! Get it here as soon as you can!

Don't worry, Swift! I'm coming!

I... really hate... running!

Ah...

Hey! Gabby-Bot!

-Huh?

Pick on... somebody... your own size.

G-Gabby! Wh...

What is going on?!

Explain later. I ran here.

Over a mile. It was the worst.

-But... I brought this.

-Oh, come on!

Break Jam-broni.

No!

No!

I'm okay! I'm okay.

But, Gabby-Bot? Not so much.

I know it looks bad, but you're...

you're gonna laugh.

Olivia Duran?

Step forward.

That's my daughter.

-Yes.

Have they started yet?

I think I'm more nervous than she is.

Are you ready, Olivia?

It's Barbara from Brisbane.

Oh. Hm...

My information says Olivia from Havensburg.

Hey! Enough yacking! Bring on the geography!

Okay...

That's a tad aggressive.

Kinshasa is the capital of which

-African nation?

That's cake!

The Republic of the Congo!

Sorry, dear.

The answer is

the Democratic Republic of the Congo.

-You may sit down.

That ain't fair, mate! You tricked me!

I'm sorry?

Um, those are the rules.

-Rules? In the Outback, there are no rules!

-Please sit down. -Back off!

Gimme another question,

or I'll tear your face off your face!

Oh! Help!

This ain't over!

You messed with the wrong Sheila!

I'm sorry, Mom.

I don't know what came over me.

I know you wanted to be Queen Bees together.

I hope you're not too disappointed.

Are you kidding me?

I've never felt closer to you in my life.

Have I ever told about Masha from Moscow?

She's helped me sometimes...

when I am feel overwhelmed.

Well, it seems like everything worked out.

Now what do you say we celebrate

with a nice island-themed dinner?

So, this feels like it calls for

a little more than my standard apology.

A killer android who wanted to snap my spine?

Yes! I should say so!

I am sorry though.

Think I got so used to us being friends

and doing whatever I wanted that

I just couldn't handle it when you put your foot down.

I guess I took the whole Jam-bronies thing

a little too far.

It's okay, Gabby.

I realize the nature of our relationship

can lead to some... confusion

regarding boundaries.

Although, you will have to take a makeup test.

Of course. You know, running all that way

from Fritz's lab to school

made me realize running isn't that bad.

Really?

No! It's the worst!

But, sometimes you just gotta do stuff you don't wanna do, right?

I'm glad to hear you say that, Gabby.

Gabby! Is! A robot!

Be careful!

A little late, Wes. We already took care of that.

Yes, get it together, Wesley.

Oh... Cool.

So, what do you say?

Shall we jam once more?

Let's do it, Jam-broni.

-Oh! -Ah.

Next time on "Gabby Duran and the Unsittables"...

This is your first overnight babysitting assignment.

You told your dad I know about aliens. Yes, Wesley.

What if your dad hates me?

Swifty, relax! Everything's gonna be fine.

Wesley, relax! It's just a dinner.

-What do you mean you lost the house?! -Ah!

This night is getting really outta hand.

Gorgeous!