Original subtitles

Th is story my story is a confession.

Lucky for you, they're the hottest of all stories.

Ask any priest.

He might tell you to watch and learn from my sins.

Or maybe you'd rather sit back and wait for the dirty parts.

Be my guest.

l'm not Catholic, but l'v e met enough priests

to know one th i ng about confessions:

they're always anonymous.

So i n the spirit of anonymity, call me X

All this drama started about a year ago.

l'm on my way to work. Not looking for anything.

Honestly, you don't know me yet.

To the average transit rider it appears

l'm cruising a random hottie.

But this is no random hottie.

He was in my Abnormal Psych class back at U. W.

Thing is, l hadn't found him remotely arousing in school.

But now Blondie looked differen t.

Actually,he looked the same,

l just looked at him differen tly.

l was feeli ng something l hadn 't felt since seventh grade.

Forgive me Father, l felt lustful.

Don't worry, th is doesn 't end with me in his beefy arms--

although l do spend a few choice moments in them.

This isn't really about him at all.

lt's about me.

And

And l'm late for work.

lf you're smart you'v e guessed l'm a hustler.

lf you haven 't, here are two clues:

l'm gay and they made a movie about me.

Try to keep up.

l'm not your typical picture-in-the-back-of-the

fag-rag hustler.

l work by referral only.

And l charge a lot.

Supposedly l'm worth it.

l keep my client list to a trim twelve regulars

who have the resources to accommodate my lifestyle.

l think of them as my disciples.

There's The Judge

Mr. Jowls

Chaps

Daddy's Boy

Gin Martini

The Accoun tant

Father of Six. . .

The Mummy. . .

Screamer. . .

Bruce Lee. . .

Breath Mints. . .

and Barely Breath i ng.

U nfortu nately for me, Barely Breathing

stopped breath i ng last week.

lt wasn 't ev en natural causes lik e you'd think.

So, lucky for Gregory, that leav es an openi ng.

He's supposed to be some old recluse.

A geezer.

That'll be h is name.

Geezer.

The old gays depress me sometimes.

Not because l'm getti ng old myself,

but because of the shit they had to go through

to get where they are.

Wh ich is often nowhere.

You must be X.

Of course at the time he used my real name.

Well, my real hustler name.

Anyway this is just for the movie.

To protect the innocent.

Thanks for saving me from an afternoon

of Judge Judy.

Great view.

When the University bought the building, only a few

of the original tenants stayed .

The smart ones .

The rich ones .

l th i nk l lik e th is one.

My sense of humor and ki nda hot.

For sev en ty-ni ne.

I graduated from here.

Ah, I've often wondered what became of our illustrious alumni

I'm not sure I'm typical .

I suspect not.

l wasn't sure what you'd want.

Water's all I need .

Only accept drinks that are factory sealed.

Tell me about your life.

I want to know the course our romance will take.

Romance?

He objects to the term romance

Probably doesn't kiss .

Very Klute.

Surely a lad of your experience--

what are you, thirty?

Twenty-five.

Well, surely you realize no real sex is possible

without s ome degree of romance.

We'l l see.

A man who knows the price of everything

and the value of nothing

Thank you, Oscar Wilde.

Bet that surprised you too, cute and smart.

But he's a whore, there must be something wrong with him

Eat me.

Do you enjoy chocolate?

These range from fifty to ninety percent purity.

The ninety is too intense for words .

You've never been in love?

Unless you count my cousin when l was twelve.

That counts.

I still remember when I first told a man I loved him .

I can imagine.

Look, it's cool chatting, but it's in your

best interest to let me know what you'd like to do .

A visit usually takes an hour.

An hour?

Hardly worth showering .

Patience, my boy.

Our time will come.

But not until you desire me as much as I desire you .

Never had a check bou nce, never been stiffed.

Normally l don't take the let's just talk clients.

They're the ones who get clingy.

Who act like they own you and get all Jeffrey Dahmer.

l prefer to fuck their brains out,

take my money and split.

But there was something interesting about Gregory,

besides the size of h is check.

As much cash as l bri ng i n,

l still hav e two roommates because--

Who's that?

Joey? !

Andrew?

That was yours?!

Andrew.

That's who this is really about.

l'm not normally into black guys,

but Andrew's hotter than the seventh plane of hell.

l could tell he wanted me a little

But we'd lived together a year now,

and nothing more than an occasional flirt passed between us.

Okay maybe he didn't want me but --

l'm obsessing over my roommate.

But Andrew's like, bo yfriend material.

Not for me of course, but for somebody.

Who was he?

What's that?

It's Jill

She's

Jill was his evil ex-fiancee.

l only thought she was evil because she'd done him

and l hadn 't.

Was the bitch dead?

Is she dead?

Jesus ! N o !

S he's getting married .

You shoulda seen your face.

I was just being aghast out of respect.

So what happened with the smoked ham back there?

Nothing

Right

Seriously, I got the letter and kinda got outta the mood .

You were in the mood?

We met on the bus, he offered .

He's totally hot. Why not?

In the year he lived here, Andrew only hooked up with one guy

and they just jacked off so it did n't really count.

Because you're not a slut.

I thought that was one of Joey's .

Maybe I was horny.

Why should it matter to you?

l hate you.

I guess I gave you more credit than you deserved .

Oh, that's priceless coming from you

And thereinlies my problem folks.

A hustler with morals.

A whore who is not a slut.

Outside of work, l haven't had sex, mutual masturbation

or otherwise since l was twelve.

And that was only once.

Sometimes l consider myself a virgin, since l was

a minor when it happened.

ln school l knew three Mormon girls who swore any

activity on the planet that didn't involve breaki ng

their hymens left them virgins.

Why haven't l had sex?

l'm saving myself for someone l love.

Okay.

Let's play the X-is-a-prostitute game.

Nothing I say means anything because

I'm just a prostitute.

I don't need a hooker calling me a slut.

If you guys don't fuck soon, I'm going to slit my wrists !

And Joey makes the family complete.

We met a year ago when my accountant suggested

l get roommates to keep the lRS off my back.

Joey was the first to respond.

17, no job, homeless.

But he had a GED, so he wasn 't a total loser.

He comes in and asks to live ren t-free.

l agreed.

Shit, l'm only human.

He's hit onme every day since.

My speech impediment is because of my extra long tongue.

But he is so not right for me

i n so many ways.

l mean first off until last week he was a minor.

You're worse than all of my parents,

but not as old .

Okay guys, check this out!

Outta my ro om !

See the guy outside the cafe?

He's way cute up close.

It's Scooter.

The Scooter?

Yeah

He just started there.

Who's Scooter?

My back-up plan .

The boy Joey ruined

The only guy who's ever loved me.

Like truly

Joey was too chicken to actually break up with him

So I cheated on him to get him to break up with me.

He kept forgiving me so I just stopped calling him .

That's cruel .

Whatever, I'm y our back-up plan .

Adm it it.

I don't have a back-up plan .

Every one has a back-up plan .

Who's yours?

I guess it was Jill

Baby let me loosen those weary old bones

I'm sure his bo nes are p lenty lo ose already.

What were you guys moaning about?

Nothing

X got pissy with me because I brought a guy home.

You brought a guy home?

Like a trick?

Why is it so shocking that I could have a trick?

It's not that it's congratulations !

You're a stage two fag !

What?

You were stage one for like a year.

You first come out and think you're not gonna be slutty

so you can find this perfect boyfriend who's also not slutty.

That's when I met Scooter.

Eighth grade.

He's not kidding

But now, you're stage two .

Have fun .

See a hot guy, screw around .

I don't know if I'd go that far

but maybe I'm transitioning .

So what's the next stage?

It's like

th irty.Old age.

Don't worry. Some of us dig older men .

So,now that I'm getting into my sexually adventurous stage.

We'll have to stock upon shampoo for the crabs .

Do n't be such a dick pump .

Maybe I don't like seeing my friends

throw away their morals .

I've always beens lutty and you don't hold it against me.

That's because I have different standards for you .

You are an ass hole.

So you'v e met my nuclear reactor family.

Three hot studs, horny for each other,

living in one apartment.

Lik e a bad porno only without the sex.

lf y ou're waiti ng for my sensitiv e fag hag,

don 't hold y our breath.

L ucy's too much of a dyk e to hag for any one,

fag or otherwise.

l never say much to her, but she has a knack

for reading my mind.

She's pretty much the only woman in my life.

lt's not a sexism thing, the only thing l have

against women is that men aren't more like them.

How'd it go with Gregory?

I k new this would work out.

I'm so glad you needed a new john .

Ever since she figured out what l do, it's been like

a spy game she's been dying to get involved with.

You know, he never leaves that place.

He's ordered lunch delivered from us for like six years

What's he i nto?

I knew it.

Total bore.

I bet he just sits and talks

Probably doesn't even want to fuck.

Just gets his jollies by imagining being you .

A busybody, but she's always right on.

Remember l've probably said like fifteen sen tences

to her since we met.

Fuckin'customers

Can't wait to hear more, babe.

There is one other woman in my life.

l'm not really religious but this particular virgin

has a somewhat cunty expression like

she's demanding a child support check from God.

She inspires me.

l spotted her cruising me at a book store and

convinced the assistant manager to sell her to me

for two hundred bucks.

What was the artist feeling as he painted her face?

Dari ng to know the mother of God.

l look at her and my soul slips into her left nipple.

Virgin becomes whore. God becomes slave.

Fan tasies never make sense.

l u nderstand what it is to be a gay man.

That's h is th ird trick th is week.

But who's counting?

God, l feel lik e Joey.

Exposed and rejected.

My hand is nev er confused over how it feels about me.

l feel omnipoten t that l can give myself such pleasure.

When l cum l throw my head back hard.

Two seconds later l feel con ten t.

Then wasted.

Then morose.

The orgasm is a trap but masturbation is bliss.

l ev en masturbate after a trick.

lt's an eraser.

As y ou may hav e gathered l'm a touch antisocial.

Boy Kultur is the only gay club l've been to more than once.

They let me in free because Joey used to fuck the doorman

lt's not a scary leather den tweaker cave or guppy aquarium

but all those types sort of fit i n.

Anything goes at Boy Kultur, which is rare

in our Neapolitan gay community where ev ery flav or

is separate but equal.

So what do l do at Boy Kultur?

Sit mostly.

Thinking sometimes, but mostly sitting.

l always claim the stool next door so no one

gets the crazy idea l'm available

l like watching the playful dance

of the cruise and pick up.

A mating ritual more elaborate than anything

on the D isco v ery C hannel.

Why do guys pass themselv es arou nd so freely?

l mean, l have a lot of sex but only if l'm being paid.

l get something in return.

You may think that's the lowest of low,

but isn't it better than spreading for any smooth operator

for a Bud Ligh t and cab fare?

Maybe it comes down to pleasure.

But do they get that much pleasure

from all these hook-ups ?

There's so much energy put into cruising,

socialization

fash ion

months at the gym

Myoplex shakes.

finally you get laid

and never hear from the fucker again.

Then you invest all your energy and money back into

grooming working out, making yourself perfect again

for the next lay

lf gay guys stopped spendi ng so much time hooki ng up,

we'd hav e fucki ng da Vi ncis ev erywhere.

Mind if I sit here?

S h it.

F ig ht or fl ig ht?

B o y, y ou lo ok lost i n thoug ht.

N o, I'm j ust try i ng to have a moment here.

I'm not lo oki ng for anyth i ng s leazy.

U n less y ou are.

What exactly do you think makes you so hot?

What do you have that a million guys j ust like you don't?

So what makes you so hot?

I don't k now, why don't you tell me?

Game-p laying ass hole.

What, you were expecting a heart of gold?

Forgive me Father, l was selfish.

l couldn't decide whether to hopin

or flush all the toilets and start the dishwasher,

so l just stood there.

He's got presence.

He reads number one best sellers wears clothes out of hampers,

makes any one feel at ease.

He's ev eryth i ng l'm not.

And l fi nd that i ncredib ly sexy.

That anonymous fuck couldn't possibly see what l do.

How long have you been standing there?

How long have you been jerking off to Andrew?

I was not jerking off

Nice boner

I'm still pissed at you

I wouldn't even be talking to you if I wasn't feeling so

benevolent after getting reamed by the biggest dick

I've ever seen

That anonymous fuck was yours?

Oh yeah

Whoa make that the second biggest I've ever seen

Made you look

By our fifth date, l was convinced Geezer was the

real thing and made him my twelfth disciple.

So Joey's versing Andrew on the art of bei ng a slut.

It's sad to watch

So is he y our type?

Andrew?

I do n't have types .

I have cl ients .

H ow nob le.

Who 's this ?

Are we changing subjects?

Do you mind?

Seems like an admission of guilt.

Gu i lty of what?

Emotio n?

That's a portrait of my first lo v er.

My o n ly lo ver.

We were together fifty years .

F ifty years?

H is name is Renaldo .

He's dead now.

You both look so young .

We were.

He was the son of the building custodian.

He was poor and sinewy.

I was rich and spoiled even then,the little prince.

How D.H.Lawrence

The first time l saw him, l knew he'd be with me

for the rest of my life.

Or his, as it turned out.

How could you tell?

We had a chem istry.

But there was s omething else.

Something peculiar because--

He was everything you weren't.

Which was the cause, I believe of our sexual heat.

I remember the day we first fucked .

Jesus

The waves on the Sound were louder than thunder

l was a teenager.

We'd just mo v ed here from Brussels.

l was supposed to be in my quarters, but l'd slipped out

to watch Renaldo work from there.

As l waited to catch a glimpse of h im,

l was distracted by the growi ng storm.

Suddenly a weigh t came crash i ng down.

It was Renaldo .

And?

He said What are you do i ng here?

My defenses told me to say None of your business

But I took a chance and said Waiti ng for you

That's when he took me.

Took you?

He fucked you right there on the stairwell?

In like, 1 9 1 8?

Well the year is off.

A little.

You're a whore, men have the best sex

of their life with you.

But make no mistake, the only worthwh ile sex

is when both parties are doing it to please themselves first.

l had no idea what was physically possible

between two boys until we kissed

Then what?

Well, let's save that for next time.

Waiti ng for you

The words haunted me

Another date?

Another trick?

Actual ly, no .

Jill's wedd i ng is next weekend

Will you come with me?

Peop le m ig ht th i nk

I dated her because I was in love with her brother Matthew.

He was gorgeous and funny and so protective.

And cocky.

And self-centered .

Probab ly why y ou lo ved h im .

We were together for three years .

Except for the gay thing, I really loved her.

I left her to fi nd my soulmate.

And you don't want to show up empty-handed

Partly that.

And partly to have a trial run with you .

That was the fastest erection l ever got

A top. Thank God.

Trial run? !

Yeah A weekend together.

Go to Portland get this thing out of our system .

Two seco nds ago you're talking about looking for

your soulmate and now it's about th is th i ng

you want to get out of your system?

I j ust meant get to k now each other.

You do n't k now me?

You've l ived with me for a year!

X, nobody k nows y ou .

Ouch.

Let me be the first.

I don't want to be o ne of your hookups

Notinfront of the Beaver.

I am so in love!

Interrupting s omething?

Please.

Who's your latest victim?

I like to think of them as host bodies .

for my heart.

So you're swearing off other men?

I'm in love. Not insane.

He wants an open relationship .

It's perfect.

And you discussed this on your first date?

Our first date's tonight.

I'm at the bus stop and th is beautifu l guy comes up to me

and says ''sm i le.''

I looked at him .

And I did .

That's the worst come o n l i ne ever.

It p isses me off when guys say that.

I'l l be perfectly fi ne.

Then some ass hole says smile.

Like I'm in a bad mood, and if I am I owe it to him

to cover it up and make his world a brighter place.

You're sensitive for an ice queen .

You know what line pisses me off?

I'm not normally into black guys but

They need to be shot.

It's like oh this must be my lucky night.

You're feeling abnormal

and I'm black.

I l ike any come on line.

They're comp l iments .

How can y ou have to o many compliments?

Leave it here it's that Stella Stevens prostitute movie.

l lo v ed prostitute movies.

Liz Taylor in Butterfield 8.

Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.

Marlene Dietrich in every movie she made.

As a kid l thought prostitutes were

the most beautifu l creatures alive.

They were wise-cracking, extravagant,

and you always learned from them.

l felt destined to join the ranks of all the

Hollywood actresses who'd ever played a prostitute.

l asked my mother if l cou ldbe a prostitute

when l grew up.

She simply said

No

X, who was y our first date?

What does that have do to with anything?

This is an ambush?

Andrew and I don't know anything about you,

so let's start with something big .

Well, let's just say that some dentists open wide

for their patients .

Your dentist had sex with y ou?

H ot.

And paid me.

How old were you?

My last two years of high school

It happened more than once?

Almost weekly.

Was he cute?

N ot particu larly.

That's molestation .

He should be put away.

They s hou ld erect a statue of him .

It paid for college.

But y ou were l ike a m i nor.

He to ok advantage of y ou .

Who's barely 18 and already blown half the Seahawks?

I'm attracted to them, it's consensual .

I was attracted to the mo ney.

I don't have issues with hustling if someone chooses it,

I just have a problem with people pushing kids into it.

Are you considering choosing it?

Hel l no .

I'm l iv i ng rent free.

Young man you need to get a job or go to school

Forgive me Father, l was too lazy to do more

than pretend everything would be alright.

The next day was a big happy family day.

The last one for a wh ile.

park We strolled through Volu n teer park.

Cru ised hotties on Broadway.

Then wen t home and mutually masturbated.

You wish.

Check that o ne out.

I have to have h im .

You're kidding

I want my Ding

I want my Do ng .

I give 'em three weeks .

Once more with sarcasm you sounded a little too jealous

I'm go n na take both of them .

Any one wanna dance?

Watch Blowy Joey in action?

C'mon, X.

Come shake your money-maker.

I'm not covered for shaken money-maker syndrome. Sorry.

Laters, Taters

Sorry if I freaked you out last night.

I'm not that freakable.

Still, come to the wedding .

As a fav or to a friend .

I thought you weren't out to anyone back there.

That's what the trip's for.

I do n't th i nk I can do it alo ne.

You talk to y our mother every week.

It'l l be fi ne.

N o, it's d ifferent.

A middle-class black family from Oregon?

It's always different.

For every family.

What'd y our family do?

They never noticed when I left home, so I certainly

d id n't cal l to tel l them who I was fucki ng .

I thought you hadn't fucked anyone

since you were twelve.

You k now what I mean .

I wis h I d id .

I'l l go .

As a friend .

They're totally taki ng me to a bathroom stall

Andrew?

Wi l l y ou stand guard?

You owe me big .

Thank you B.R.B !

You migh t find it domestic, but there's

a certain sense of power that a garden gives you

lt's almost godlik e.

Got s h it?

Buttloads .

I j ust put J u n ior to bed .

He's growi ng s o fast.

Wel l, I d id n't check that.

Are y ou i n lo ve with me?

Abs o lutely not.

Why did l say that?

Oh god whatever you do do not jump off this building.

I thought I was in love with y ou .

For the longest time.

Until I realized we couldn't be together.

Why, you want an open relationship too?

Actually, yeah . Partly that.

You've been spending too much time

i n the land of B lowy J oey.

Okay, you'd give up hooking for a relationship?

Don't call it that.

You'd g ive up your career for monogamy?

That's not cheating That's just business .

Don't even pretend y ou don't know how fucked up that sounds .

To the logical person it makes sense.

Wou ld y ou ever co ns ider qu itti ng?

I make a lot of fucki ng mo ney.

I can't do anyth i ng else.

I do n't want to do anyth i ng else, I'm go od at it.

I got noth i n' but lo ve for y ou bab y,

but y ou're twenty-five.

And that's already over the hill for a lot of logical people.

And worki ng at a videostore has a promising future?

It's legal .

So, if I were dati ng y ou, I cou ld s leep with my same

twelve cl ients, as long as I didn't get paid?

If it made you happy.

Getti ng paid makes me happ y.

It hurts me.

You fucki ng anything with a cleverscreen name hurts me.

It's like anyone can fulfill you .

What wou ld make me special?

But if I charged them, y ou'd be okay with that?

What makes me special?

There's noth i ng special about y ou

I'm Kidd i ng .

That's y our prob lem .

You're to o fu n ny for y our own go od .

You k now why I do n't always l isten to y ou?

Because s ometimes I do n't feel l ike laug h i ng .

N o .

The real prob lem is, I used to l ive with a decent,

attractive guy who s ometimes I imag i ned dati ng o ne day.

But that guy has become a very ug ly faggot who wi l l

suck off anyth i ng with a cock and probab ly d ie

long before achieving his dream of becoming manager of Videomania.

Forgiv e me Father, l was wrathful.

Okay, y ou wi n .

Always do .

Is that a cross word?

Yeah

Sometimes y ou amaze me.

Andrew says to say he's not talki ng to y ou .

Wel l, tel l Andrew--

Make it go od, 'cause y ou each get o ne message.

I do n't wan na be aski n' peop le to

pass the lube to each other.

J ust tel l h im I said ''okay.''

''Okay.'' C lever, cou ld go either way.

X?

I'm not s o amazi ng .

H u h ?

There's a real ly cute guy at the lau ndromat who always

does the cross word wh i le he's waiti ng .

So I do it ahead of time.

Then if he lo oks stuck, I can help h im and act like

I j ust thoug ht up the ans wer.

You sti l l amaze me.

I'm eig hteen and I've do n't have a j ob or a bo yfriend .

H ow can I ever be rich and famous if I don't

even do anyth i ng?

Why is it that gays always feel forty at eighteen ?

That's what co l lege is for.

X?

Yes?

You amaze me too .

l'm a monster.

So, was the dentist y our first?

And there's a story.

About a friend .

N ot about y ou .

Okay, th is story's about cous i ns .

Teenagers .

Barely.

Do they have names?

Let's call the older one Andy,and the younger one

J o h n?

J o h n .

Let's cal l them that.

Andy was a jock and the cen ter of atten tion.

He en tertai ned the family with tales

of maki ng first stri ng.

Joh n was pudgy and awkward, and the only string

he cared about was the one holdi ng up Andy's sweats.

O h dear.

One Su nday, pick any one, they're alone

i n the basemen t TV room.

Andy b lurts out l got a girlfriend.

Th is ch ick from school, Jennifer.

John hates her name. It's silly and common .

It's no Andy

''What's she look lik e?'' Joh n asks.

''A whole lot better'n y ou. ''

lt's just a joke, but it kills something in John,

who says sure took y ou long enough to start dating girls.

Andy twists J o h n's arm .

''What are y ou try i ng to say?

I to ld y ou I fi nal ly have a g irlfriend

because y ou're my best friend

And J o h n?

Some tears.

Andy apologizes.

He says, l'm just kiddi ng.

l'll always lik e y ou better than her

And then ?

Let's save that for the next v is it.

U h-u h . I'm not fal l i ng for that o ld ruse.

Next v is it beg i ns now.

Andy brushes his head against John's cheek.

Touches his lips .

Like the horny virgins they are, it all happens .

Mmm .

H orny love-struck virgins .

How was it?

U nbel ievab le.

l remember every single thing we did in those

thirty-seven minutes.

It was the first and only time I've ever been taken .

It wo n't be the last.

I certai n ly hope not.

Anyway when it's o ver, Andy pan ics .

He tells John it's wrong, it can 't ever happen again.

He ru ns away.

J o h n's devastated .

What does he do?

He walks home.

Twelv e miles.

When Andy calls, John won't answer.

They never really talk again .

Poor Andy.

Poor Andy?

I suppose you think Renaldo and I were happy from the start,

but it's j ust not true.

After our first encounter, he was unavai lable for weeks .

Where'd he go?

I never knew, but when he returned, I confronted him

I said, you're avoiding me.

You're afraid of feeling towards me the way

a man feels towards a lo v er.

And?

That n ig ht he held me s o close.

I k new he lo ved me.

So maybe Andy

Perhaps .

I had n't thoug ht about Andy for years .

And Andrew, the s im i larity of their names

is not lost o n me.

The next few days were awkward arou nd the house.

Andrew was ig nori ng me.

And J oey

I hate y ou both !

Andrew, I'm s orry.

So l poured myself i n to my work.

Twelv e steps to a happier me.

You lo ok hands ome.

Go i ng out?

I haven't left th is apartment for eig ht years .

I'm j ust try i ng to vary the s cenery.

What makes y ou avai lab le to n ig ht?

I guess I'm av o id i ng home.

Why haven't y ou left y our apartment?

I haven't left s i nce Renaldo d ied?

O h, what's th is?

I'm ready, Gregory.

I des ire y ou as much as y ou des ire me.

You do n't des ire me.

You're j ust co nfused and lo nely and horny.

I guess y ou're rig ht.

Any news o n th is wedd i ng?

Why does he want me to go?

What does he want from me?

Yes.

Ex cellen t questions.

A road trip seems a perfect opportu n ity to exp lore them .

I s hou ld be go i ng, it's late.

Aren 't y ou forgetti ng someth i ng?

Thanks .

Dam n, H ottie Central, h i !

Cal l us !

O h my god !

I can stick arou nd .

Likewise.

Okay, I'm out.

N ice to meet y ou .

N ig ht, J oey.

I'm s orry, X.

I'm real ly s orry.

It's a free cou ntry.

I d id n't mean to hurt y ou .

Who said I was hurt?

I'm s o totally in love with y ou .

I k now you think I'm a loser and a slut and stupid

J oey

I thoug ht if I could be with Andrew I could

at least be o n y our radar.

I'm s orry.

I do n't th i nk any less of y ou .

Because you never thought any of me i n the first place.

Th is self-p ity routi ne is serious ly --

J oey, since I met y ou there has n't been a day

I d id n't fig ht to stop myself

from ripp i ng off y our clothes .

Liar.

I can th i nk of a hu ndred reas o ns it wou ld be

wo nderfu l to be with y ou .

But I k now it wou ld n't work.

Who cares why it wou ld n't work.

Because we'd fi nd out why.

And we'd lose everyth i ng we have.

It's not s o bad .

Los i ng everyth i ng .

What wou ld y ou k now about that?

Wel l, my whole fucking house burned down once.

Real ly?

I lost everyth i ng .

My dog M i ndy, who j ust learned to s it.

My d iary.

You kept o ne?

From first grade o n . I wrote in it every day.

Al l about figuri ng out how I was gay.

Poetry.

Drawi ngs .

Every experience I had i n the world .

Po of.

I'm s orry.

Be sure to write go od stuff about me.

I do n't keep o ne anymore.

S i nce then I decided to l ive for right now.

C ome o n, J oey.

You're s o cute.

J oey, p lease.

J oey.

J oey?

O h s h it.

J oey, can y ou hear me?

J oey, l isten to me.

I lo ve y ou .

J oey?

Fuck.

Andrew!

Andrew!

It's J oey!

J oey l isten to me.

Everyth i ng's go i ng to be alrig ht.

S h it, what happened?

What drugs d id y ou guys do?

He drank the rest of that? !

The rest of what?

G H B .

There was l ike another half a dose i n there.

He s hou ld be okay, he j ust fel l out.

Allow me to take this moment for a public service announcement.

l actually adv ocate the legalization of most

recreational drugs, particu larly marijuana.

Especially marijuana.

Legalization and education, lik e with alcohol,

we don't have to rely on urban legend for responsible usage.

What the fuck do y ou mean, fell out?

We s hou ld cal l s omeo ne.

They could put him in jail G's a tranquilizer.

If y ou do to o much, it wi l l make y ou fal l as leep .

See?

He's okay, he's j ust s leep i ng .

Who'd y ou learn th is from, y our drug dealer?

Trust me, he'l l be fi ne.

Look

I don't care how many drugs or orgies you have,

that's your trip .

But if you hurt Joey

To be fair, they were party i ng when I got here.

I parto ok i n the sex, not the drugs .

O h, what a rel ief.

I'm s orry.

It's okay.

I mean about everyth i ng .

No

I'm s orry.

Noone deserves to hear the things I said to you .

You were rig ht.

I was wro ng .

You're not my father!

Yeah, I actually give a shit about you .

You can't ground me!

N o o ne's grounding you .

You can do as you please.

We just really think Andrew or I should go with you

while you go clubbing for a while That's all

It's no b ig deal, people black out every day.

People overdose and die every day.

Do I lo ok l ike Cyndi Lauper?

S he's not dead .

Whoever.

I've been taking care of myself for a long time.

That's the problem .

Lo ok ho n, we j ust think o ne of us should

be arou nd for y ou is al l .

Why, s o y ou can fuck me agai n?

H ow about, if I'm go od for three months

X has to fuck me.

Sou nded fair to me.

Hel l no !

I'l l save up my al lowance.

Go to y our ro om !

Fuck y ou !

Sounds l ike a good idea.

Since it was our first date, I figured I'd take Andrew

to Portland in style.

Goddam n !

You rented that for a road trip?

You don't want'em to think you're a fag

and dati ng a loser.

l'm so used to being treated by sugar daddies that

the whole role rev ersal was refreshing.

J oey'l l be alrig ht. Rig ht?

He'l l be fine, it's us I'm worried about.

Ever been o n a road trip?

E ig ht years ago .

God, I keep forgetti ng how o ld y ou are.

I'm l ike a year o lder than y ou .

1 5 mo nths .

And I haven't been gay for a who le decade.

Where'd y ou go?

Seattle.

Go od-b ye smal l town .

Hello smal l city.

I'm glad y ou made the trip .

Both of them .

So why are your parents going to y our ex-fiancee's wedding?

I think there's some hope of a dramatic objection

at the last seco nd when I stop the wedding and

co nfess my lo ve for J i l l .

Th is s hou ld be fu n .

H ow lo ng were y ou with J i l l?

E ngaged for a year, dated for three.

S he does n't k now I'm gay.

Al l because y ou wanted to do her brother?

Do n't tel l me y ou have a kid s omewhere.

N o .

Maybe s omeday thoug h .

H ow about y ou?

J oey's p lenty.

You're real ly go od with h im .

You to o, apparently.

Serious ly, y ou'd make a go od father.

The o n ly go od fatherly qual ity about me

is that I k now I s hou ld n't have kids .

Make any mo ney?

Nah, but I shoved my business cards in the glory holes .

So am I pretending to be your boyfriend?

Roommate?

Fuckbuddy?

Let's j ust p lay it b y ear.

Anyth i ng else s hou ld I k now about your family?

They're b lack.

O h, let's go back to Seattle.

l'v e heard about those people.

You'll probably be the only white guy at this thing .

I've never been o ne to fit i n .

Have you been anywhere where you were the only white person?

At least I wo n't be the only fag .

l lo v e club music.

Ev eryth i ng is so cut and dried.

You lo v e someone, set them free.

Lo v e me or let me go.

Pro v e y our lo v e.

My lo v e is y our lo v e.

lt's love or it's not love.

Love is sex.

Sex is love.

l defy you to find a club an them that says l love you

but l'm not really sure what love is all about

and l still want to have sex with blah-blah-blah

Those th i ngs are harder to rhyme.

Take y our time.

P lease.

So what are y our fo lks' names?

That m ig ht be helpfu l .

Oren and Zelma.

And there's C heyen ne.

Who?

My s ister.

She's twelve.

Imagine me with corn rows, A-cups

and a mouth the s ize of Lake U n io n .

I usual ly do .

Hel lo bab y!

Th is is my ro ommate.

I to ld y our ass he was gay!

And I to ld y ou Andrew wi l l talk about it

when he is ready to .

He lo oks ready to me.

Do n't m i nd C heyen ne.

S he's been watch i ng to o much Showtime.

H ow lo ng y ou been dati ng my brother?

C heyen ne!

So how lo ng y ou bo ys been roommates?

J ust o ver a year, s ir.

A year?

That's a lo ng time.

I'm happ y to see y ou're not alo ne.

H ow lo ng have y ou k nown?

S i nce y ou were eig ht.

But I was n't sure until you broke up with Jill

And what l i ne of business you in son?

I co l lect etch i ngs .

You mean l ike, art?

Like pres idents .

On do l lar b i l ls .

Better not be no drug dealer.

C heyen ne!

O h, noth i ng as g lamorous as that.

I p lay the stock market.

With enough real estate and bonds in my back pocket

for when things go s our.

A man after my own heart.

D id we do something that made you think

you could n't tell us?

N o, Ma.

You d id everyth i ng rig ht.

I'm g lad y ou have s omeo ne.

And dam n, he is fi ne.

Damn I forgot to make up the guestroom !

You don't have a problem sharing Andrew's bed do you?

Not at all Mrs.Thompson

Call me Zelma.

Well that wasn't so hard

It's like they would've been upset if I wasn't gay.

What's up with that?

I didn't give them credit

I'm glad I could provide you with immoral support.

This is my ultimate fantasy.

In your child hood bed?

Hell yeah .

With y our fo lks i n the house?

Even hotter.

It feels weird .

I mean there's like booties and shit hanging on the wall .

Dam n !

It feels l ike y ou feel just fine.

Andrew.

Do y ou lo ve me?

I do n't k now.

Never m i nd .

Forgive me if I don't know if I'm in love with you yet.

Let's j ust stop talki ng about it.

Before I say s ometh i ng funny.

I mean, do n't get offended X, but can you have sex

without getti ng paid for it?

What do y ou want from me, Andrew?

You can't change me.

I do n't care y ou're a ho oker.

It's not even about that.

What is it about?

It's about

It's about taki ng a chance.

I do n't k now if we'l l fallin love.

Lo ve is n't a transactio n .

You do n't j ust get what y ou put i n .

You have no idea what y ou're talki ng about.

Let's j ust cal l it a n ig ht.

If you keep pushing me away sooner or later

I'm go i ng to g ive up .

That's why l lik e hustli ng.

l can predict those relationsh ips.

C lien ts fu lfill my need for human con tact

and ev ery date has money back guaran tee.

Forgive me Father l was too proud to admit he was right.

Who's Gregory?

What?

You talk i n y our s leep .

Liar.

If you'd slept with someone they would've told you .

You said,Gregory, I'm ready

He's one of my clients

That's d isgusti ng .

Th is wholething was a mistake.

You're tel l i ng me.

At least y ou're out to the family now.

P lease tel l me y ou put these here.

God, Mom must've do ne it.

That's s o embarrass i ng .

Hate to d isappo i nt her.

But no prob lem d isappo i nti ng me.

So, let's speed th is up .

Tel l me y ou want me to g ive up .

Bo ys ?!

Breakfast!

Okay.

Andrew? !

Candace!

H ow ya been?

Real ly great!

It's awes ome to see y ou !

Where is everybody?

JJ ?

And Sheila?

Jill said she couldn't trust nobody after you dogged her.

Who's he?

O h, my, um, ro om-- partner.

Ro om partner?

O h !

H i .

Andrew!

J i l l is go n na s h it when s he sees y ou !

S he means that i n a go od way.

And lo ok what ya broug ht with ya.

Th is is J i l l's mother Mrs Stevens

Matthew is not go n na be happ y.

Is Matthew? Jill's brother.

He got dumped last week so he is not in a good mood

So, why d id J i l l i nv ite me?

Of al l peop le.

My theory she wants to rub it in your face

how happy she is marrying a profootball player and all

Pro fo otbal l p layer?

Well you ain't heard of him cause he technically hasn't

played yet or anyth i ng .

But he's o n the payro l l .

Like an alternate or s ometh i ng .

Those are not friends of the bride.

What are y ou do i ng?

Accepti ng who I am .

It feels l ike y ou're s howi ng off.

Andrew, y ou seen Matthew?

N o .

G lad I d id n't m iss that.

I k now it's corny, but is n't it romantic?

I do n't bel ieve y ou want me to give up .

Do n't spo i l it.

I wonder if we'll ever be able to do this in our lifetime.

I'm g lad y ou came.

I thoug ht y ou'd be alo ne.

Wel l, I'm not.

I d id n't mean it l ike that.

I'm g lad y ou're with s omeo ne.

It's j ust--

There's Matthew.

O h?

Where?

Hey Drew!

I m issed the s h it out of y ou !

You're gay?

I thought Jill announced it in the invites .

Ha ha.

B itch, y ou to ld a lot of fuckin' peop le.

B itch, y ou tried to mack o n my man .

Wel l bab y, y ou can take th is o ne.

I'm throug h with h im .

Jill said you were funny with the sex thing .

I can put some frosting on a Dorito if you want.

Can y ou make it half a Dorito?

H i . I'm J i l l, the bride.

We haven't had a chance to meet.

C o ngratu latio ns .

-I'm a -Andrew's ro om-partner.

I wo nder why he didn't mention you .

I do n't k now.

He talks about y ou al l the time.

Real ly?

What does he say?

Well, just that you were still are

the lo ve of h is l ife.

H o ney.

I k now y ou're j ust trying to be nice.

But I'm o ver Andrew. Really.

I th i nk it's my brother who needs comforting .

Pleasure meeting you

Hey, U ncle X.

O h, hey C heyen ne.

Th is makes y ou my u ncle, does n't it?

I think it would be something more like

y our brother-i n-law

Maybe ex-brother-i n-law.

Hey do n't m i nd me.

I g ive up .

You wi n agai n .

I real ly wanted a d ifferent end i ng .

As lo ng as we get an end i ng .

Forgive me Father l was i nsanely jealous.

What are y ou do i ng?

S h it. Th is is n't their rental?

lt wasn't a practical decision to leave Portland without him,

but l couldn 't face five hours in a car with him.

l reserv ed h im a plane tick et

and left a message on h is cell.

l'm not a total asshole.

l hate cars.

l miss my b ik e.

l cou ldn 't th i nk of anywhere else to go.

Don't any couples just fall in love and that's that?

Very few, I suspect.

He said I could keep hustling, but it'd hurt him .

What's keeping you from quitting?

The truth is

I l ike it.

And that's it?

I do n't k now.

l th i nk y ou do.

When a cl ient pays me

it feels l ike a rel ief.

Someth i ng i ns ide me let's go .

Do y ou th i nk y ou cou ld feel the same

if y our were paid in feelings instead of money?

That's hard to imagine.

Maybe y ou s hou ld g ive y our imagination

more of a chance.

What broug ht y ou here?

We're friends now, but do n't let that stop you

from treati ng me l ike a comp lete s lut.

If y ou're smart, y ou probab ly guessed

I fou nd Gregory dead the next morning .

Every story with a charm i ng old man ends

i n a heart-tugg i ng fu neral .

Wel l I d id n't.

That m ig ht've been eas ier.

Forg ive me Father, I consumed more than I required .

Are y ou a friend of Gregory's?

A very go od friend .

And y ou are?

Als o a go od friend .

He gets o lder, they get y ou nger.

Renaldo?

Why yes, he talked about But, you're dead .

I do n't k now what foolishness he's been up to,

but I assure y ou, I'm qu ite al ive.

You're h is lo ver?

Gregory's not gay.

At least he wo n't adm it to it.

I don't k now why he bothers keeping up the charade

after s o many years .

H ow do y ou k now h im?

He pays me!

Gregory was one of my first friends,

a role-model for how l saw myself as an old queer.

That withered old shit spent months fucking with my head

lik e a horny Hannibal Lecter with his sepia stories

of preh istoric teen porn.

And l fell for ev ery word, spru ng from a self-serving,

self-loath i ng lie to keep him in h is closet.

l fuck ed h im because l wan ted h im

and l had sh it to show for it.

Th is is ex actly what l hate about the gay scene.

Sex for noth i ng.

He s ou nds l ike a ps y chopath .

A goddam ned charm i ng ps y chopath .

Wait, l'm not qu ite as pathetic as l shou ld be.

There.

Much more C harlie Brown.

Th is is what l deserv e for th i nki ng maybe

gay men are capable of loving something other than themselves.

l'm not ev en sure l lo v e myself.

l'd dump me the second someth i ng better came along.

The lesb ians hav e it easy.

Sure they have all that dyke drama,

but it's only because they give a shit about each other.

Fuck th is.

You must be J oey.

There's this old guy here who wants to see you .

What?

Yeah, and he wants tea.

Andrew.

You do n't k now me.

C orrect.

I'm a friend of X's .

Gregory Talbot.

The Gregory he, uh, works with?

I ndeed .

He spoke of me?

Tech n ical ly.

Why do n't y ou put o n s ome tea.

P lease, who has tea?

J ust warm up s ome water and I'l l be fi ne.

I haven't been out of my rooms since Diana's memorial,

but I thoug ht th is was worth it.

M ig ht I have a few moments of your time?

I assume it's about X?

He's very upset.

And he sent y ou here of al l people?

I assure y ou, he'd disembowel me

if he were aware of my presence.

I'm l isten i ng .

I told him the story of two young men who declared

their lo ve for each other.

They lived a long and happy life together.

H ow s weet.

One order of freshly microwaved tap water.

Smells delicious .

What a lovely shirt.

So energetic.

Thanks !

It was half off.

A s hrewd purchase.

So do I get to listen or do I have to come up with

s ome ex cuse to give you guys privacy?

''I've got a hot date''has always worked for me.

F i ne.

It was a p leasure warm i ng y our water.

So what happens with y our lo ve story?

I n real ity, they never declared their love

One of them was to o afraid .

He wou ld always pu l l away at the last moment.

He had a lot of free time and spent most of it

rep laying how his life would have been had he seized a moment,

any one of a thousand,

to take his friend's hand .

Sou nds l ike they were both afraid .

They went fifty years, a l ifetime.

And bei ng afraid became hab it.

D id he ever figure out what he was afraid of?

O h, he k new al l alo ng .

What was that?

That he m ig ht have to change.

He was afraid of los i ng the l ife he might not

be afforded if it were known he was a man who loved men .

H is travels, stud ies .

H is trust fu nd .

At least he l ived as he p leased .

N o . He changed anyway.

He's a recluse now.

He's lost it all and people talk about him no netheless .

That's a fucked up story.

H ow is that supposed to help me?

I was n't aware y ou were i n need of help .

Wel l how is that supposed to help X?

I'm mo v i ng out anyway.

Perhaps it was naive to think I could help someone

who s i ncerely cared for me.

You paid h im .

I paid h im for h is time.

The sincerity was h is g ift.

So why don't you just tel l that guy that you love him now?

Sou nds eas y, does n't it.

Yeah .

You're a pretty decent guy.

For a closeted queer who would hire a hustler.

F or anybody.

Hey, do n't I k now y ou?

From s cho o l?

O h my God

B lo nd ie!

H u h?

You wore a B lo nd ie T-s h irt.

It's okay.

I'm s orry.

I'm a freak.

A cute freak.

Thanks .

B o yfriend troub le?

Someth i ng l ike that.

If it makes y ou feel any better, I just

broke up with this guy. I really liked him .

What happened?

I knew he wanted to break up but he didn't have the balls to .

So he treated me l ike shit, slept around .

Ig nored me until I was forced to dump him

at h is own work.

Th is whole thing is going to turn me straight

Two wro ngs do n't make a rig ht.

I publicly dump this guy that doesn't even like me in B & O.

I'm heart-broken and the ass ho le.

Sco oter?

You k now him?

No, but I think I have a story that'll make you feel better.

Okay.

l know it's sentimen tal fluff but it really

happened that way.

And it's too important to alter or make edgier.

Heari ng that Joey had passed h is behavior on

to Scooter like avenereal disease made me wonder what

had l just given to Andrew and where would that end?

So I guess the old guy could n't change your mind .

It's not my m i nd that needs to be changed .

So what if y ou guys aren't boyfriends,

it does n't mean y ou have to mo ve out.

You do n't u nderstand .

I total ly u nderstand .

If it's worth anyth i ng,

I d id n't go out wh i le you were go ne.

N ow what am I supposed to do? H u h?

Some ro le model .

You do n't need a ro le model .

You need a go od friend .

You have X.

X sucks without y ou .

Joey had passed o v er Scooter.

Scooter had passed o v er Blondie.

A triangle of back-up plans.

All three were nice, deserv i ng guys.

What the fuck were they waiti ng for?

What am l waiti ng for?

Wait, l need to plan th is out.

What are y ou doing down here?

ln that single moment, my defenses told me to say

''None of y our busi ness. ''

End th is once and for all.

Retreat and lick my wounds in private.

Let h im mo v e out.

Screw these questions.

Maybe date Joey, my back-up plan.

But l took a chance and said

Waiti ng for y ou .

That's when he took me.

Almost.

I've been thinking about it and I want to be with you .

But I want to pay you .

You can't afford me.

Wh ich is why I demand a reduced rate, seeing how

I'd be your lover with extra responsibilities and all

A t that instant l decided it didn't matter

what we did outside this moment.

As long as we could have moments like this,

it was worth hangi ng on.

My hustling, his open door policy.

They mean t noth i ng i n th is moment

If th is felt so right we should go for it

and see where the pieces fell

What happens when you meet Mr.Right too soon?

You grab h im .

There's no such thing as too soon

Note the new furniture.

That means th is is some time later.

Andrew still makes my knees knock and my heart thud,

even when he brings up the old arguments about hustling

Ev en tually l'll stop.

l'v e got a sizeab le nest egg, and the stocks

l told Andrew's dad about were no bu llsh it.

Andrew isn 't playing around so much anymore either.

Funny, at this point l don 't really care.

l know where h is heart lies.

Gregory is now my friend and no longer a disciple.

He's disco v ered chat rooms.

He still hasn't confessed h is love to Renaldo,

but Joey's hatched a scheme to hook'em up

i n troducing Renaldo to the internet as well.

l finally lured Joey i n to attending U-Dub.

l took him to one of their queer functions and when

he saw the influx of freshmeat he was hooked.

l fou nd a new turn on too.

Writi ng these confessions.

Selling them to magazines for folks like you.

Once a whore, always a whore.

Alex, is X here?

You request the services of X?

Call me X

Pleasure doing business with you .

Oh, fuck off.

lt turns me on.

lf you were ever in love, you and yours

had some corny romantic thing too.

So, that's my confession.

Forgive me Father l'm guilty of the deadliest sin.

l'm human.

How many Hail Marys is that?