Original subtitles

How did you drop your textbook in the water?

My bathtub study tray broke.

You have a bathtub study tray?

Yeah.

Oh, my God. Hi.

Hey.

Why do you have a bowling ball?

Don't ask why.

Just pretend you don't see it, and that way we won't be

a part of the tragedy that's about to happen.

Hey! All set.

Okay people, unless you're a bowling pin, move!

No way you can knock both of them down.

Don't doubt my ball skills!

What's wrong with Miss Ackerman?

What did you do to her, Sam?

I know why Miss Ackerman's upset.

Why? What happened?

Her boyfriend dumped her last night.

No way! What?

Yep. You didn't hear it from me.

We've got to get to class. Sure.

Right after I knock down these last two pins.

With one throw? Not possible. We'll see.

I'll call the school nurse.

In five, four, three, two...

♪ I know you see ♪

♪ Somehow the world will change for me ♪

♪ And be so wonderful ♪

♪ Live life, breathe air ♪

♪ I know somehow we're going to get there ♪

♪ And feel so wonderful ♪

♪ It's all for real ♪

♪ I'm telling you just how I feel ♪

♪ So wake up the members of my nation ♪

♪ It's your time to breath ♪

♪ There's no chance unless you take one ♪

♪ Every time you see the brighter side ♪

♪ Of every situation ♪

♪ Some things are meant to be ♪

♪ So give me your best and leave the rest to me ♪

♪ Leave it all to me ♪

♪ Leave it all to me ♪

♪ Just leave it all to me ♪

This is super-weird.

She's been like that for 20 minutes.

I'm going to go talk to her.

Miss Ackerman, are you okay?

Yes.

Sit down! Okay!

Now I want you all to write a 10-page essay

on the Louisiana Purchase.

We haven't even gotten to that chapter yet.

Too bad!

Sometimes things happen you're not prepared for.

But how are we supposed to write an essay

on something you haven't taught us about yet?

I don't need your sass, Carly Shay!

Sass?

Look, it's not fair to make us write 10 pages...

Let's make it 15 pages! Yeah, that's right. Ow.

I'm going to get some aspirin. Start reading chapter whatever!

I'm not sassy!

Her boyfriend must have dumped her hard!

No kidding. Lady's losing it!

Sometimes I'm bold, but I'm never sassy!

Freddie, why aren't you reading chapter whatever?

Oh, um, ahem,

because I dropped my textbook in the bathtub last night.

Of course. You men are all the same.

You lose interest in your textbook,

and then you just dump it in your filthy bathwater!

Miss Ackerman, you don't need to yell at Freddie

in front of the whole class.

Oh, look, more backtalk from the sass-master!

I am not the sass-master!

And it's wrong for you to be mean to Freddie

just 'cause your boyfriend broke up with you!

Wow, Carls, maybe you are the sass-master!

Now you go straight to the principal's office!

What? You heard me. Go! Now!

What do I... Miss... Get out!

Oh!

♪ ♪

F. F. F.

Excuse me, Miss Ackerman? What?

I'm Spencer Shay, Carly's older brother.

What do you have there? Frozen yogurt.

There's no eating in my classroom!

Sit down. Yes, ma'am.

So Principal Franklin said

you wanted to speak to me about Carly's behavior?

That's right. She sassed me in front of my entire class.

Right. We talked about it, and she regrets her sass.

But she felt she needed to defend Freddie.

Felt like it wasn't fair for...

Did I say something...

Hey, come on! Don't cry.

Blue skies.

No! No!

Why are you crying?

Well, this is how I used to get Carly

to stop crying when she was little.

Oh. And if that didn't work,

little Carly could expect a surprise visit

from the Tickle Monster!

No, no, I can't take this!

No. No!

I'm sorry.

It's just that I recently broke up with my boyfriend,

and it's been rough.

Oh, don't beat yourself.

We've all been through some bad breakups.

Yeah. So do you have a girlfriend now, or...

No.

I got a goldfish. But we're just friends.

So do you want to go get some coffee, or something?

Sure. I make great coffee.

I also have cookies. The soft kind.

Really? Mm-hmm. Want to come over?

That sounds nice. Well, then!

Through the door, teacher lady!

It's okay, little guy.

Do you want me to stop? No.

It hurts too good!

No. Miss Ackerman?

Hi, Carly.

Hi. Not that I'm not happy to see you,

but why are you here standing on my brother?

Because she has magic feet. Ahh!

I spent six months in Thailand

learning the art of back walking massage.

Oh, those Thailamanians taught you good.

So, coffee, snacks, back walking...

What's going on here?

Well, after our guardian-teacher conference

at your school, we decided to come back here

for coffee and cookies.

Soft cookies.

Okay. Well, I'm just going to go upstairs

and try to make myself comfortable with all this.

No, why don't you hang down here with us for a while?

You can watch me give Spencer a haircut.

Try it and I'll call the scissor police.

Oh, no, give me your hair!

No!

Give it to me, come on! I love my hair! I love it!

Come on! It's all luxurious!

Just a little, Spencer! No!

I know, you're very pretty. You're very pretty!

Get back with those! No!

♪ ♪

Okay everyone, I know you were

all expecting a test today,

but instead, I've decided to give you all

A plusses, and caramel apples!

Pass those around while I make a phone call.

Okay. Spencer dating Miss Ackerman

is the best thing that's happened at this school

since that lunch lady fell in that giant gravy pot.

Hi, Spencer! No, I was just missing you.

Did you get my text message? Did you think it was cute?

No, you aren't... stop it! I can't take it!

It's just a little weird seeing a teacher in my house.

Weird, how? Weird like

when she comes up for dinner, I feel like

I have to raise my hand to say, "Pass the peas."

Ew, peas? Not the point.

Yeah, the point is, this could not get better.

Hey kids, instead of class tomorrow,

how would you all like

to come ice skating with Spencer and me?

Yeah! Just got better.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Awww!

Carly, could you get the door?

I'm not dressed yet! Okay.

Whoa, Miss Ackerman,

you look sort of, like, hot!

Really? Yeah. Come on in.

Spencer's just finishing getting dressed.

Hey! I just got the new cable for the... whoa!

I also said "whoa."

Hi, Freddie, what are you doing here?

I was just coming over to help

working on the web show with Carly.

Whoa!

Okay, why don't we go upstairs

before you start drooling.

Have fun, you guys.

Go!

Wow! You look fantastic.

Thanks! I got you a present. What for?

Our one week anniversary. Aww, how great are you?

Very. Open it.

No! A Pear Pod? Uh-huh.

And it's loaded up with 500 of the best songs, ever.

Five hundred songs, that must have cost you a fortune!

Well, Pear Pod wasn't cheap, but I just downloaded the songs

from one of those music sharing websites.

Oh, I think you've got

something boiling over on your stove.

Ahh!

Whoo! You saved my soup's life.

Which means you deserve some passion fruit punch.

Mmm. Sweet! Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

Mmm. Mm-hmm.

So where were you today between 3:15 and 3:40?

What do you mean?

Well, I called you,

one, two, three, four, five, six times

between 3:15 and 3:40, and you didn't pick up.

You write down every time you call me?

Well, we're dating. I like to know where you are.

Every minute of every day? Yes.

Really? Really.

Huh. I'm going to go carve Mr. Chicken now.

All right.

So where do you think you were? Just take a guess.

I don't know. I think maybe I was...

Liar! Ahhh

Love me! Uhh...

♪ ♪

Okay, how about this? What if you guys

do an "iCarly" segment where you compare vegetables?

What? You talk about squash

and Carly talks about asparagus.

What? You see, this is why Carly

and me are the creative ones

and you're the technical producer,

who really shouldn't talk so much in these meetings!

Carly... Carly!

Let's take a break. Yeah.

Let's talk about how awesome it is

that Ackerman never gives us homework anymore.

Yeah, we really owe Spencer. Big time.

Can you believe how mean Ackerman got after her

last boyfriend dumped her?

Oh, she was going to ruin our lives!

No doubt. We're just lucky that...

Hey. Hey.

Where's Miss Ackerman? She left. I dumped her.

♪ ♪

Hey Freddie! I can't talk!

I'm trying to prepare for Miss Ackerman's pop quiz

on chapter seven.

We're having a pop quiz? Probably.

You saw how she treated us last time she got dumped!

Oh, man, he's right. Give me that thing!

I've got to start writing stuff down on my arms.

How much information can you write on two arms?

Yeah, I'm going to need more space.

I'll be in the bathroom.

Wait, the book! Get your own book!

That is my own! Ah!

Oh, Miss Ackerman's coming. Be cool.

Maybe she won't notice us.

Good morning, Carly, good morning, Freddie.

How are two of my favorite students today?

Fine. Good.

You sure are in a good mood.

Yeah, why wouldn't I be? Well, we sort of heard

that you and Spencer broke up last night.

No no no no no, we just had a little spat.

No, Spencer and I are still very much together.

Oh. So, no pop quiz today?

Of course not, you silly goose peoples!

Here. Take your book. I'm all set.

You don't need to be. We just saw Miss Ackerman.

No pop quiz.

So I did this for nothing?

♪ ♪

Hi! We need to talk. Sure, in a minute.

I've got to finish pumping the guns.

Pop your guns later.

Miss Ackerman's on her way over here.

She thinks you two are still dating.

Ohh!

Ahh. What is wrong with that woman?

She's looney. Looney in the head!

Oh man, why didn't you call and tell me?

I could have been in Canada by now.

I don't think Canada's gonna...

It's her!

Why couldn't I have been born with wings?

You're not a cockatoo. Be a man!

All right.

I'm going to set that lady straight.

No! Right. What?

Spencer! What happened!

Don't upset her! But I don't want

to go out with her! I know. Tell her that,

but say it nicely and sweetly

so she doesn't ruin our lives in school.

Okay. Nicely. And sweetly.

I'll be upstairs.

Boo!

Hi Lauren, what a surprise.

So where should we go for dinner tonight?

Do you like Italian food?

Yeah. But Lauren...

I know we had a little argument, but it's okay.

I'm not mad at you anymore.

And I brought you a panda pig.

A panda pig? Yeah!

You said your two favorite animals

were a panda bear and a pig.

So I cut off the head of a big and I sewed it

onto the body of a panda bear. For you!

Oh, that's not weird!

Lauren, I don't want to go out with you anymore.

Spencer, I think you're just overreacting.

No, I think you're underreacting.

Seriously, I don't want to date you.

If you're trying to tell me something, just say it!

I don't want

to date you.

Fine! Then I'm just going to do this!

That was a loud slam. Did you break up with her?

Yep. She didn't handle it well.

Were you gentle and sweet? Yes!

But she wasn't.

♪ ♪

Okay class, this pop quiz is going to count

for 90% of your final grade.

Miss Ackerman, you forgot to give me a quiz.

That's right. Because I already graded yours.

You gave me an F on a quiz I never took?

That's right! F, F, F, F-ity F, F!

Okay, that is jank! Life is jank!

Because sometimes certain little girls' brothers dump you

for no good reason.

Miss Ackerman, I didn't mean to...

There's no talking during the quiz!

But it's not my fault... That tears it!

You give me 100 jumping jacks! Huh?

That's so not fair. You too, flapjack.

One hundred jumping jacks, with her in the corner.

Man, you're off your nut!

Is that so? Well, then...

Yeah, yeah, I know.

Now I've got to go do jumping jacks.

No. You are going to wash my car.

Faster. I want those faster!

Faster. I want to see you sweating.

♪ ♪

What are we going to do? We're going to tell Spencer

to call Miss Ackerman and start dating her again.

No. I'm not going to make my brother's life miserable

just to make ours easier.

Come on.

Having a miserable life's not all that bad.

Sometimes my mother laughs.

Why can't Spencer just date her?

Because the woman's a big bobble of crazy sauce!

But... But what?

I think I might know a way to fix this.

Good. How?

"ICarly." Our web show?

No, our potato farm!

♪ ♪

Okay, now to close the show, we're going to do something

a little bit different on "iCarly."

Please say hello to someone you've met here before,

my big brother, Spencer.

Thanks for coming, Spence. Do you know why you're here?

No, because you wouldn't tell me why I'm here.

That's because we have a little surprise for you.

Ooh!

Come on out here, Miss Ackerman!

What is going on? Just go with it.

Ohh!

All right. This is our history teacher,

who very kindly agreed to appear on our show.

Hello.

Spencer and Miss Ackerman had been dating,

but they've been having some relationship problems.

So we're going to talk to them.

And then you guys can vote online,

right here at iCarly.com... To tell us

whether it's time for them to make up or break up.

I'm not comfortable with this.

Shh. So Spencer, why do you feel

that you and Miss Ackerman are having problems?

She seemed nice at first,

but then I realized she's totally insa... not my type.

And Miss Ackerman, where do you feel things went wrong?

I don't know.

I tried to be a good girlfriend.

I brought him presents.

What kind of presents? Well,

a customized stuffed animal,

and a brand new Pear Pod with 500 songs on it.

Wow. A lot of songs. You buy them all on Pear Tunes?

No, I just downloaded them from one of those

music sharing websites.

But it's not about how much a person spends,

it's the thought that counts.

You make a good point. Okay, "iCarly" viewers,

it's time to vote, right here at iCarly.com.

Just look under the pics of Spencer and Miss Ackerman...

And vote Make Up or Break Up.

Can I say one more thing before they vote?

No. Sit down!

♪ ♪

Is that it? That's it.

Well, what's the vote?

The "iCarly" viewers say that you and Spencer should...

Break up. Ahh! I'm deeply sorry.

Yeah, right. Listen, we know you feel bad.

Want a bite of my burrito? No.

And if the vote says that we shouldn't be together,

then I hate you!

And the internet!

Ow!

Okay, what was the point of all this?

Now she's just going to be

mean and vicious to you guys at school.

I don't know.

A lot of people watch "iCarly."

And sometimes... We make sure

certain specific people watch.

Yes. Yes, we do.

You guys are up to something,

and I don't want to know what it is!

♪ ♪

I hope you all haven't made any plans for this weekend,

'cause you're going to be up to your eyeballs in homework.

When? Soon.

And today, you will all write one thousand words

on why men are dirty, rotten, stinktatious, ungrateful...

Lauren Ackerman?

Yes, who are you people? FBI. You're under arrest.

Arrest? For what?

Five hundred counts for illegally downloading music

on the internet.

You have no proof!

Yes we do. Ma'am?

I believe all the proof we need is on this Pear Pod.

And you admitted it last night on those kids' web show.

Which we recorded. You set me up!

That's a lie!

No, we set her up. Oh, yeah.

Oh!

So now what do we do?

We should probably tell Principal Franklin

that our teacher's been arrested.

Or we could go ice skating!

Hey, "iCarly" people, you guys know how you do

Wake Up Spencer in iCarly.com? Okay, watch me wake up my dad

with a bucket full of ping pong balls.

Ahh! Ahh!

Matthew, come back here right now!

♪ ♪