Original subtitles

♪

It was really of your mom to give me a ride home from school.

Nah, she likes me hanging out with you

'cause she thinks it'll keep me out of jail.

Hey, why did it take you guys so long to get home from school?

'Cause my mom had to stop at SaveRite

to pick up her ointment. Any more questions?

I'm home. Bonjour.

Hi, hey, yo, can't talk, super busy.

Okay, what is up with you?

There's an art gallery downtown that wants to showcase

new works by great unknown artists.

Awesome, you're a great artist.

And you're definitely unknown.

Thank you.

How do you get your stuff in the gallery?

They have to think it's really good,

which is why I gotta finish

my latest three sculptures that I call...

Yippee-Yi Yo-Yo,

The Elephant Cycle,

and my Christmas tree of noses, which I call Merry Sniffmas.

Now, I gotta finish these! I can't talk!

Do you realize this gallery is the place where Harry Joyner

first showcased his artwork almost 20 years ago?

Who's Harry Joyner?

Harry Joyner's Spencer's favorite pop artist.

Of all time!

Sure, I'll have a snack. I didn't offer you a snack.

Well, let's pretend you did.

Okay, where's my green yo-yo? I just had my green yo-yo!

It's in your hand? It's in my hand!

Man, I've never seen Spencer so freaked out.

I know, I wish we could calm him down.

Where's my hot glue gun?

I can't work with cold glue!

He seriously thinks that gallery

won't like his sculptures?

All creative people worry their stuff's lame.

That's an artist thing.

Hey, what if we get Harry Joyner to come here?

Do you know how much it would mean to Spencer

if his idol complimented his art?

Well, yeah, but isn't that Joyner dude, like, famous?

How are you gonna get him? He lives in Seattle.

I could send him an email. Worth a shot.

Okay, I am missing a nose.

I had another nose just like these two noses,

and now I can't find it.

Email that dude fast.

Like, soon. Or now.

In five, four, three, two...

♪

♪ I know, you see ♪

♪ Somehow the world will change for me ♪

♪ And be so wonderful ♪

♪

♪ Live life, breathe air ♪

♪ I know somehow we're gonna get there ♪

♪ And feel so wonderful ♪

♪

♪ It's all for real ♪

♪ I'm telling you just how I feel ♪

♪ So wake up, the members of my nation ♪

♪ It's your time to be ♪

♪ There's no chance unless you take one ♪

♪ Have the time to see the brighter side ♪

♪ Of every situation ♪

♪ Some things are meant to be ♪

♪ So give me your best and leave the rest to me ♪

♪ Leave it all to me ♪

♪ Leave it all to me ♪

♪ Just leave it all to me ♪

♪

Look at Lewbert.

Worst doorman ever. I know.

Who eats half a cheeseburger, then falls asleep?

Someone who just lost the other half of his cheeseburger.

Sam, gross. It's not my fault.

Waiting around for people makes me crave meat.

Do you even know what Harry Joyner looks like?

Yeah, you know, he looks like a man, with a face and hair.

Yeah, I have an uncle that looks a lot like that.

So what did you say in your email

to get Joyner to come here? It wasn't what I said.

It was the pictures I attached of Spencer's sculptures.

Joyner liked 'em? I guess.

He said he wanted to come see them in person.

That is so cool. You know what else is cool?

What? Not you.

See! I told ya!

Any time a chance comes along for you to insult me,

you just gotta jump on it. You should be nicer to him.

Ha! She couldn't be nicer to me if she tried,

'cause she has no self-control.

I have oodles of self-control.

I self-control myself all the time.

Good, then prove it.

Don't insult Freddie for a whole week.

No problem. And what if she does?

Okay, for every insult, you owe Freddie 5 bucks.

Fine. Good, I'm gonna be rich.

No, 'cause I'm not gonna say one mean word to you.

Really? You want to kiss me?

Kiss you? Dude, I'd rather...

not do that at this time, but I appreciate your kind offer.

Impressive. Good girl.

Pardon me, is one of you Carly?

Harry Joyner? In the flesh.

Hi! Thanks so much for coming here.

Well, I was intrigued by the photographs you emailed me,

so I'd like to see your brother's sculptures

with my own eyes.

My god, you have no idea how blown away he's gonna be

when he sees you. You're his hero.

Oh. Come on, let's go upstairs.

My mom is my hero.

This is gonna be a long week.

♪

Hey. Hey!

Man, I hate this yo-yo.

The glue won't stick to the plastic surface.

Why don't you try an adhesive bonding gel?

That's a good idea.

How did you...

Mr. Joy... Mr. Joy-

Joyner. Joyner.

Call me Harry. Okay.

Harry? Wow!

Your little sister sent me an email

and attached some photos of your sculptures.

You! Me!

Her!

And since I'm working on a new project nearby,

I thought I'd pop over and see your work in person.

Well, thanks for popping!

What kind of project are you working on?

It's a fantastic one.

You see, since I've already made sculptures

out of every material known to man,

I figured I'd make a sculpture out of man himself.

Like a human sculpture?

Precisely, a human sculpture, which I shall photograph

and quite likely frame.

But let's talk about your creations.

Well, here-here they are.

These are the sculptures I've been working on.

I see.

I see.

Structure...

Interesting, yes.

Interesting.

I see what you're trying to do.

Eh...

Alright. Well?

I don't love them.

Oh.

But you like them, right? Honestly, I-I don't.

I mean, look, these pieces are cute and amusing,

but they're amateurish at best.

Not to say that they're bad, just...

not good.

♪

Alright, then.

I've got a rather packed schedule,

so I should... I should run.

Pleasure to meet you, Spencer.

Children.

♪

Spencer... I gotta...

I gotta go, uh, lay down.

♪

Spencer, it's been four hours.

I think you need to get off the kitchen table.

Why?

Is Santa Claus here to tell me I'm ugly and have no friends?

Spencer, get up.

Come on, you need to get off the table.

I'm comfy right here.

Ow.

You weren't supposed to fall on the floor.

Well, you know... gravity.

So Harry Joyner didn't like your art.

He's one person.

Yeah, my number-one idol in the art world

and he thinks my sculptures are amateurish and not good.

This may be the worst thing that's ever happened in my life.

It's like a giant rain cloud has opened up above me and...

Spencer! No!

Spencer! No!

Spencer, open the door.

I want to be alone!

Hey.

You want to the Galaxy Wars Convention with me this weekend?

I'm dressing up as Nug Nug from the planet Zorcon.

I'm not gonna insult you, Freddie.

You're not getting 5 bucks out of me.

When I grow up, I wonder what kind of girl

will want to marry me.

After I take a shower, my mom makes me sign a piece of paper

promising that I shampooed twice.

Should I call an ambulance?

Make him stop setting me up to insult him.

It's killing me! You're the one who...

You guys, not now. Spencer's really upset.

Why? Who cares what Harry Joyner thinks?

Spencer does, a lot!

I've never seen him this depressed.

This is so dumb.

Spencer's sculptures are the best.

I know, but we've all told him that and he won't believe us.

Maybe he needs to hear it from a few more people.

♪

Going live in five, four, three, two...

Hello, people of Earth who own computers.

Congratulations, you've signed on to icarly.com.

So sit back, take off your socks,

and enjoy this fine webcast.

I'm Carly! I'm Sam!

That's not right.

I'm Carly. I'm Sam.

We were momentarily confused.

But no worries.

'Cause tonight, we got a very special episode

of iCarly for ya.

We're gonna take you on a trip...

to a virtual art show...

right here in the iCarly studio.

So you people can see some awesomely cool sculptures.

Leave us your comments right here at icarly.com.

Now, you can't have a real art exhibit without music, right?

So say hello to Sam's cousin... the one who's not in jail...

our friend... Greg Patello!

Yeah!

Hey, Carly. Hi, Sam.

Hey, dude. Hi, Greg.

Why don't you crank up that flute

and get this art exhibit started?

Yeah, baby! Here we go.

♪

How was that? Boring.

Now show them how we do it iCarly style.

Hurry, Greg!

He's playing the flute... and beatboxing...

at the same time... all by himself.

My cousin has got talent. Yeah, baby.

Yeah! Whoo!

Now, we call this next sculpture...

Splatter Man.

♪ Splatter Man ♪

♪

Wow!

Now, here's an enjoyable sculpture...

which we like to call... Yippee-Yi Yo-Yo!

♪

Now look at this next sculpture.

It's a Christmas tree... of noses...

appropriately named... Merry Sniffmas!

♪

Baby squirrel made out of video camera parts.

Okay! Look at this next sculpture.

It's a robot... made out of soda bottles.

His eyes light up red... angry or not.

Now, this sculpture is called...

The Bottle Bot.

Not to be confused with Bubble Butt,

which is what I call our teacher,

the horrible Ms. Briggs.

Why did you say that live on the web? She already hates you.

Which means I have nothing to lose!

Okay, now be sure to leave us your comments...

about all the sculptures we've shown you tonight...

and send us pics of your own artwork right here to iCarly...

dot com. Not dot net.

Dot net is for losers.

Bye! See ya!

♪

You guys showed my artwork on your web show tonight?

Yeah, we did.

And those comments are from some of our viewers.

Yeah, just a few thousand. They loved your sculptures.

Almost every comment we got said they're awesome.

Except for one from Sam's cousin in jail, who wrote,

"Who cares about art? Get me out of this rat hole!"

The point is, our viewers went nuts over your stuff.

Look at all those comments.

Are any of these comments from Harry Joyner?

Would you forget Harry Joyner? I can't!

He's the guy who inspired me to become an artist.

Read these, the thousands of people

saying they love your sculptures.

Then give them to those people,

'cause I got myself a new job. Like, a real job?

You can't have a real job! You're Spencer!

You're an artist. Nope.

Starting tomorrow, I'm a dental assistant.

♪

Spencer, open the door.

♪

Freddie, you didn't sign the shampoo agreement.

How do I know if you double pooed?

You thought I was kidding.

♪

♪

Come on, Carly, that's not true.

It is true. I've ruined Spencer's life.

If I'd never emailed that dumb Harry Joyner,

none of this would've ever happened.

I'm upset.

Aww, I think someone needs a hug.

Thanks.

Uh, Freddie? Freddie, we can un-hug now.

Please let this last.

Hey, I'm home. Hey!

Hi, kids. Oh, hey, Mrs. Benson.

Mom, what are you doing here? Yeah, what's up?

I'm getting ready to go to work,

so Mrs. Benson's gonna stay with you.

Here!? I can't leave you alone.

Yeah, you can. Sure you can.

Why can't ya? She's gonna stay here!?

I brought soy crisps!

Okay, wait, it's after 4:00.

Who goes to work in a dental office after 4:00?

This dentist works afternoons and nights for people

that can't get away during the day.

Well, you need to quit dentistry

and go back to being an artist.

Carly, I'm a dental assistant now.

Whatever, I'm still way too old to have a babysitter.

Oh, now, don't think of me as your babysitter.

Think of me more as your gal pal who "hangs" with you

during afternoons and evening.

So is this gonna be a regular thing!?

Not that I don't love your mom. She's awesome.

Is this gonna be a regular thing!?

For now, yeah. See you later.

But what if... but where are...

♪

I don't know how Freddie lives with his mom.

She wouldn't let me eat anything fun.

She blocked all the good TV channels.

And she made me eat lasagne with a spoon.

Why a spoon?

She says forks are dangerous, that I could stab my tongue.

Yeah, that's not cool, so not cool.

Nope, nope, nope.

What's wrong with you? Why are you so jittery?

Because I'm freaking out, man. I'm freaking out!

Why?

I haven't insulted Freddie in days... days!

I can't take it.

I cannot take it and the week's only half over.

So insult him once just to calm yourself down.

I can't afford the 5 bucks.

I spent all my allowance on beef jerky.

I can't handle not insulting that boy!

Don't you think my problem with Spencer's

a little more important than this?

Yeah, sorry.

It's all that stupid Harry Joyner's fault.

I'd like to stab his tongue with a fork!

Why did he have to be so mean to Spencer?

You should go talk to him. Who, Joyner?

Yeah, he's still in town, right?

Isn't he doing some big human art sculpture

at the Henshaw Warehouse? Yeah.

Hey, Carly. Hi, Sam.

What do you think of my Nug Nug costume?

I'm wearing this to the Galaxy Wars Convention.

Any comments, Sam?

Move.

Have fun at the convention, Nub Nub.

It's Nug Nug. Whatever!

♪

Alright, let's get this done, people.

You there, put your finger in his ear.

Yes, Sir! Perfect.

You, put your left shoe on your right hand.

Hey, Harry, can we talk to you?

What? No. I have to pose all these people

and take a photograph before I lose the light.

Cheese cube!

Mm, I love cubes of cheese.

We just need a second. Fine, what do you want?

Will someone please put a brassiere on the clown?

On it!

Harry? What?

Ever since you told my brother you didn't like his sculptures,

he's been really upset. You ruined his confidence.

Will someone please rub that man's face

on that brick wall over there? Yes, Sir!

Thank you!

How would you feel if your hero told you your work stunk?

I am my own hero.

Look, even if you think he's terrible,

would you please come talk to him?

Say something to make him feel better.

I got somebody.

Good, put the freak over there.

Sorry, short on time.

Alright, let's get this show on the road!

Well, maybe Spencer will be a great dental assistant.

No, he won't.

Harry Joyner or no Harry Joyner, Spencer's quitting that job

and coming home right now.

Is this on right? I don't know!

♪

Wow, it's true!

They told us in dental school if you push a person's tongue back,

you trigger the spit gland. See?

Spencer! Hi, what are you doing...

We need to talk. Hey, you can't be in here.

I'm working with a patient.

Yeah, seriously, Carly, you gotta go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Carly? As in iCarly?

Ah ah?

This is your little sister with the web show.

Yeah, that's me. My kid loves iCarly!

Really? Sure.

You stay as long as you want.

Fun job? Why are you here?

To bring you home so you can be an artist again.

I can't put my heart into something I'm no good at.

And I really like being a dental assistant.

It's fun.

You need to go home. Good, take me there.

I don't get off work until...

Hello, Spencer.

Hi, Harry. How come...

Hey, you can't be in here. I'm working...

Wait.

Harry Joyner the artist?

Ah ah? Indeed.

Wow, I love your work. Thank you.

You stay as long as you want. Ah, ah-ha.

I'll assume that was a compliment.

Thank you.

So why are you here?

Carly came by my photoshoot today.

She told me you'd decided to quit being an artist.

Yeah, I have. It's okay.

It's not your fault my art's terrible.

Your art's not terrible. It's good.

Great, actually. But I thought...

Then why did you say you didn't like it?

Truthfully?

When I saw your work, I was jealous.

Jealous? Of me?

Your sculptures are better

than anything I've done in a long time.

Now do you believe you're talented?

Spencer, do the world a favor.

Be an artist. Okay.

Hey, uh, if you're as good as he says that you are,

how about you building me a sculpture

for my waiting room over there? I'll pay you a thousand bucks.

Done!

Um, would you like a little help with that project?

Wait...

you're saying you wanna work with me?

On a sculpture?

Only if you don't faint every time I talk to you.

♪

Do you think I have too much here?

Don't ask me.

Just use as much as you think you need.

I want your opinion. You don't need my opinion.

I crave your opinion. I crave a hamburger.

I'll make you a hamburger as soon as we're done.

Alright.

I'm home. We're here.

Hi, guys. Hello.

Wow, you got home from school fast.

Sam's mom gave us a ride again.

That was nice of her.

Nah, she just likes dumping me here.

Freddie with you guys? No.

But since Carly's home, he'll probably be here in...

What's up? Zero seconds.

I would've been here sooner, but, uh,

I was helping my mom knit a sweater.

Any comment?

Please let me insult you once for free.

Nope. 5 bucks an insult.

Then I think it's very sweet

you were helping your mommy knit.

Impressive. You're just lucky I'm broke.

The sculpture's looking awesome.

That dentist dude's really gonna pay you

1,000 bucks for that? Paid in advance!

Cash. Sweet.

Since you guys helped me get my art career back,

40 for you, 40 for you,

and 41 for my little sister.

Aw, I'm special.

And now that I have 40 bucks...

you're a nerd. Thank you.

Your breath smells like dead feet.

No girl will ever want you. Noted.

I don't like your pants. Fair enough.

If you were a country, you'd be El Salva-dork.

Did I make fun of your butt yet?

No. It's oddly shaped.

So is your head. Awesome.

Remember my cousin Greg?

The dude who plays the flute and beatboxes?

You can see him play more great stuff at icarly.com.

So go check it out at icarly.com.

You gotta go to icarly.com.

You must go to icarly.com.

You must go to icarly.com.

You must go to icarly.com.

Please... go to icarly.com.

Mmm.