Original subtitles

Lamp.

Lamp.

Lamp.

I think it knows it's a lamp.

No, I want it to turn on.

Lamp.

Do you need a ride to school?

No, Freddie's mom's gonna drive us.

And look what I'm gonna hand in today.

You finished your history report?

No, I finished the greatest history report

in the history of history reports.

Nice.

So what's it... Don't touch it!

Sorry,

I just have to keep this report looking absolutely perfect.

I've never worked harder on anything in my life.

And guess what? What? Lamp.

What?

If I get an A on this,

that means I'll get an A for the semester,

which means I'll have straight A's on my report card

for the first time ever!

I'm very proud of you.

Lamp!

Yah!

Why won't it work?

Let me see the instructions.

Good luck, they're in Japanese.

Oh, well, did you try saying "lamp" in Japanese?

I did not.

What's the Japanese word for "lamp"?

Looks like "ranpu." Okay.

Ranpu.

Ranpu. Ranpu!

Hey! It works!

Yeah, you just got to say it

like a really angry Japanese man.

Ranpu!

Come try!

Ranpu!

Ranpu! Ranpu!

Ranpu! Ranpu!

Ranpu! Ranpu!

Ranpu! Ranpu!

Ranpu! Ranpu!

Ranpu! Ranpu!

Ranpu! Ranpu!

In five, four, three, two...

♪ I know, you see ♪

♪ Somehow the world will change for me ♪

♪ And be so wonderful ♪

♪ Live life, breathe air ♪

♪ I know somehow we're gonna get there ♪

♪ And feel so wonderful ♪

♪ It's all for real ♪

♪ I'm telling you just how I feel ♪

♪ So wake up the members of my nation ♪

♪ It's your time to be ♪

♪ There's no chance unless you take one ♪

♪ And the time to see ♪

♪ The brighter side of every situation ♪

♪ Some things are meant to be ♪

♪ So give me your best and leave the rest to me ♪

♪ Leave it all to me ♪

♪ Leave it all to me ♪

♪ Just leave it all to me ♪

And subsequently this was interpreted

as a violation of their rights

to freedom of religious expression

as granted in the Letter of Majesty

issued by Emperor Rudolf II in 1609.

Mr. Devlin... No, I will not slow down.

This leads us to the calamitous events

which served as a daunting precursor

to the ignominious Defenestration of Prague.

I've graded your reports,

so you can pick them up on your way out.

Awful.

Hideous.

Bad.

Terrible.

Congratulations, Carly.

Your report was outstanding.

The best in the class.

Really?

That's so great 'cause I...

you gave me a B?

But I thought you said it was the best in the class!

It was.

But it was printed on three-hole paper,

which I hate.

Then just let me re-print it for you!

On paper that's completely hole-free!

Reports can only be submitted once.

Silly little truffle.

But this means I'll get a B-plus for the semester!

Yes.

Congratulations.

I'd like to punch three holes in him,

that's what I'd like to do.

Tell you what, on the next "iCarly,"

we tell everyone to go egg Mr. Devlin's house.

Nah, he'd probably like it

'cause eggs don't have three holes!

I told you not to take his class.

Yes, thank you, Freddie.

Well, if it isn't my straight-A little sister, Carl-A.

Don't call me "Carl-A" 'cause I...

Shh.

To celebrate your straight A's,

I'm making you a giant "A"

made out of a bunch of smaller A's

that I found.

Spencer... Your "A" is gonna be huge!

And when it's all done... I'm not getting straight A's.

Mr. Devlin gave me a B on my report,

even though he said it was flawless.

Then why'd you get a B?

'Cause I printed it on three-hole paper.

Mr. Devlin's, like,

the strictest teacher in school.

Yeah, I know.

He used to be lunch room monitor.

He gave me detention.

For? Playing with my fruit.

Listen, it was really cool of you

to make this big A for me,

but would you mind taking it apart?

Carly...

Seriously, if I'm not gonna get straight A's,

then I'd rather not be reminded of...

Of what almost was.

Aww, who needs a hug?

Me.

Hey, how do you turn this lamp on?

Ranpu! Ah!

Principal Franklin,

Sam is here for her regular Tuesday appointment.

Send her in.

Good morning, Sam.

Morning, Ted.

Sam.

Good morning, Principal Franklin.

Thank you.

Now, what trouble have you gotten

in over the past week?

Let's see.

I got yelled at by Ms. Briggs for getting an F on a quiz.

Why did you fail the quiz?

I didn't know the answers.

Right. Next?

Oh, I got kicked out of the cafeteria

for slapping Gibby with a piece of pizza.

Why did you slap Gibby with a piece of pizza?

I found it on the floor. I wasn't gonna eat it.

Sam...

Excuse me, Principal Franklin.

I am trying to enter

the report card grades into the system,

but it's not letting me log in.

Well, you can log in using my username.

That would be wonderful.

Yes. Let's see if it's working.

Sam, just sit quietly and try not to break anything.

No promises.

My username is BigTeddy.

BigTeddy. Shh.

My password is corncake21.

There, working fine.

Thank you. I'll get started on it.

Wait, I spilled some syrup on my tie.

Do you know anything about removing stains?

Yes, I took a course on stain removal

in community college.

Excellent.

Sam, I'll be back in five minutes.

Have fun with your stain.

♪ ♪

Guess what? Guess what? Guess what?

Is this about that new bacon-flavored bubble gum?

No!

They have that?

Yeah, but just tell me

what you're all whipped up about.

First, you gotta swear you won't tell anybody.

I swear. No, you gotta ankle-swear.

Okay, go.

I swear. I swear.

Now tell me.

I changed your grade in the school's computer!

You changed my... Shh!

You changed my grade in the school's computer?

Why'd you do that?

So you'll get the straight A's you deserve.

You changed my B-plus...

To an A-plus.

And I changed two of my D's to B's,

and I even bumped up one of Freddie's grades.

Why?

I owe him 40 bucks and I figure now we're even.

Sam...

You know you deserved straight A's.

Yeah, but not this way.

I gotta go tell Principal Franklin.

You can't!

You swore. We shook ankles!

Well, can I at least tell Freddie?

Why? 'Cause this involves him, too.

Dude...

I'll make him swear not to tell.

Ah! I have to tell! You can't tell!

I have to tell! No!

Ah, let go of me! You promised!

Carly! Freddie!

Oh, no!

Let me up!

Not if you're gonna tell on Sam!

Then you tell! No, I swore to Sam!

We have to come up with a way to fix this

without telling on Sam.

Why would Sam change my grade?

And make it better? She hates me.

She said it would get her out of paying you 40 bucks.

Aww! I'm not gonna get my 40 bucks?

Focus, Freddie!

How do we change our grades back

before the report cards go out?

Well...

if I could get access to the school's network,

I could do it from my laptop.

There's a T5 jack in the computer lab

I could tap into.

Okay.

Tomorrow in class, I'll distract Mr. Wembley,

and then you can do your techie fix-it stuff.

Right.

Oh, and just for the record,

the only reason you pinned me down like that

was 'cause I wasn't ready.

Are you ready now? Yeah. Why?

Can we please not tell anyone about this?

Now, everyone,

please complete exercises number 7 and 9.

What about number eight?

I'm in charge!

Okay. I'll distract Mr. Wembley.

You go tap into the B-five line.

T5. It matters!

Just go!

Mr. Wembley?

I have a question about my computer.

Yes, Carly.

Hello, Mr. T5 line.

You're about to get Freddie'd.

What's your question?

Why are there two shift keys?

Just do your work, please.

I have to go back and zap my P-ram...

Oh! Oh!

Carly!

What happened? Did I faint?

Yes. Are you all right?

Uh-huh. It happens all the time.

It's no big deal.

Huh.

All right, just gonna go back to my desk...

Oh! Oh!

Okay. Generating random codes.

Sweet.

We're past the school's firewall,

which gives us access to everything.

Man, look at all this information.

Hey, look,

it's Principal Franklin's birthday today.

Oh, yeah.

Wait, whoa, whoa.

Is that the lunch menu for this week?

Yeah, why?

Would it kill anyone

if we changed spinach to tater tots?

Tater tots it is.

Okay, here we go. Student grades.

Scrolling down to Shay comma Carly.

CSA.

Put your hands where I can see them!

Okay! Yes, sirs!

Who are you guys?

Computer Security Agency.

Step away from that laptop.

What's this about?

You two kids go to Ridgeway Junior High?

Yeah. Uh-huh.

We were advised that there was a breech

in your school's computer network

this afternoon,

and we tracked it back to your wireless uplink.

You two are in a whole lot of trouble.

We'll going to need to speak to a parent

or a legal guardian.

Spencer!

I am in the bathtub!

Are we under arrest?

Are you gonna take us to juvy?

I don't wanna go to juvy!

They're gonna take us to juvy.

This just doesn't make any sense.

I've been their school principal

for three years and I am telling you

Carly and Freddie are very well-behaved students.

Look, somebody attached that wireless uplink

to your school's T5 line,

and we traced it back to this location.

Would any of you gentlemen like some Wahoo Punch?

We have to tell them.

We can't.

I promised Sam and you promised me.

But they're gonna... A promise is a promise.

But I... A-promise is a promise!

Would you two please come over here?

Carly, Freddie,

these men insist that you two were trying

to hack into our school's computer network.

We did hack into the school network.

We did? We did.

Carly...

Why?

Well, we...

we wanted to know when your birthday was.

Right.

We heard it was today...

And we just wanted to be sure...

So we could give you a present.

There, you see?

I told you these kids

wouldn't be up to anything mischievous.

So, what did you get me?

Huh? What?

You said you had a present for me.

Yes. Wait here.

Why'd you have to mention a present?

'Cause you brought up the birthday thing!

But we don't have a present! Why is it my fault?

'Cause you brought up the present!

What are we gonna do? I don't know!

Neither do I! Shh!

Oh!

Ah! Ooh!

Happy birthday! Happy birthday!

Oh, my goodness! A microwave oven.

Yep.

Eleven hundred watts. It's a good one.

Well,

I just heard our report cards were mailed out yesterday.

Great.

So that's it, then.

No changing our grades back.

I feel dirty.

Hey, Carly. Hey, Fredward.

What's your guys' problem? You are.

We tried to change our grades back

and two goons from the Computer Security Agency

showed up at my house.

Did you guys rat me out? No.

We had to lie and give away my microwave oven!

Eleven hundred watts!

Well, look on the bright side.

There was a screw-up in the cafeteria,

they got tater tots!

Can you not see how upset we are?

We don't care about taters!

Even in tot form!

You made us lie to Principal Franklin!

To keep your dirty little secret.

I feel so guilty.

Look, I promise, it gets easier.

Soon you'll be able to lie and feel nothing at all.

Hey. You liar!

What?

You said you weren't gonna get straight A's.

But you did!

Yeah, well... oh!

Report cards came in the mail?

Yeah!

I guess Mr. Devlin gave you what you deserved after all.

I'm so proud of you.

You should be.

She earned that grade.

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Ooh, and check it out!

I've almost entirely rebuilt your "A" sculpture.

It'll be a permanent reminder of what you did.

Ain't that the truth?

And I called Dad,

told him about your straight A's.

No. Yes.

And he told me to go out and buy you this.

It's a big TV for your room!

Yay.

How come you don't look excited?

I am.

It's just I already have so many nice things.

Can't we give that to a hobo or something?

No.

Hobos can't afford cable.

Carly... I'm going upstairs.

She's a little upset. Why's she upset?

'Cause hobos can't afford cable!

Hi. Hey.

What up with the hoody and sun...

man.

You look horrible.

Thanks. Girls love hearing that.

I didn't mean... It's okay.

I know I look horrible.

I didn't sleep at all last night.

The report card thing? Yes!

The guilt is killing me. I know.

Me, too.

And like it wasn't bad enough,

Spencer put a gigantic new TV in my room.

How can I sleep

when I got forty-two inches of high-def guilt

staring at me all night?

And look at my fingernails!

Gross, what happened to them?

I've chewed them off! Right down to the nub!

I'm a 13-year-old girl

and I've got the fingers of a hobo!

Did you know they can't afford cable?

Hey, Carls! Come here!

You made the top ten!

The Honors List?

Yep. Oh!

You pushed Karen Yamakawa right off the list.

Congratulations, Carly.

Aww!

In five, four, three, two...

I'm Sam! And I'm guilty.

Carly. And I'm Carly.

And this web show

now comes with twice the comedy...

And only half the fat of a regular web show.

Okay, so lately,

tons of you people have been coming here

to iCarly.com

and sending us lots of cool videos.

So we thought we'd kick off tonight's show

with an amazing one.

Carly?

Carly.

Well, if it isn't

my straight-A little sister, Carl-A.

Soon you'll be able to lie and feel nothing at all.

Your "A" is gonna be huge!

Congratulations, Carly.

Hobos can't afford cable.

That's it!

I can't take it anymore!

Spencer!

Hey, I thought "iCarly"...

I didn't really get straight A's!

Huh?

Mr. Devlin gave me a B-plus,

then Sam changed my grade in the school's computer!

Freddie and I tried to change it back,

but then we got caught.

That's why the CSA came here.

I lied to Principal Franklin, I made Karen Yamakawa cry,

and my hair's falling out.

Look it!

So I have to take apart my big A again?

Tell me what to do!

Why can't you tell Principal Franklin the truth?

'Cause I promised Sam I wouldn't tell anybody.

Did you ankle-shake on it?

Yes! Oh, my God.

Hey, are you all right? What happened?

Sam, I'm sorry. I told Spencer everything.

What kind of world do we live in

where an ankle-shake means nothing anymore?

I didn't wanna break my promise,

but the guilt was eating me alive!

What do I do?

Come on, you're a smart little Carly.

So you should know,

sometimes, doing what's right is more important

than keeping a promise.

One more thing. What?

There's an A stuck to your butt.

That's so embarrassing!

Carly. I was just... I have to tell you something.

All right.

I changed my grade in Honors History

because I thought I deserved an A.

Then I felt bad about it so I tried to change it back,

but the CSA stopped me before I could,

and then I lied to you about your birthday,

which I really didn't care about at all.

So you want the microwave back?

No, you can keep the microwave.

But I feel terrible about this whole thing

and I just wanna make it right.

I see.

And you were the one who changed your grade to an A

in the school's computer?

Yes, sir.

Because Freddie just told me that he was the one

who hacked the school's computer

and changed your grade to an A.

Hiya.

Okay, it was me, all right?

I hacked the computer and I changed the grades.

Now, that I believe.

And the only reason they didn't tell on me

was 'cause I made them promise not to.

And I was wrong to do that to a friend.

Thanks.

So are we in trouble?

I get to keep the microwave?

It's all yours.

Then I think, under the circumstances,

you and Freddie are off the hook.

Awesome. Thanks.

But as for Sam...

Yeah, yeah, don't get all dramatic,

just hit me with it.

Detention.

Twice a week, for six weeks.

I'm sorry, Sam.

Hey, I gotta learn my lesson.

Time for assembly.

Shall we?

Let's make my detention once a week

for two weeks.

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair...

Hey, it's me, Carly. On the other hand, I'm Sam.

And this is "iCarly."

Voted the number one web show in the world.

By who? Me.

Then it's official.

Mmm.