Original subtitles

I can't believe Mr. Klein gave me a "D"

on that test. How'd I get a "D"?

You only answered half the questions,

then told Mr. Klein the test was stupid,

then burped, then left.

And that's not worth a D-plus?

Hey, guys. Bad news.

The doctors can't fix your face?

What's the bad news?

Benji's flaking on us.

I'm not flaking.

Benji. Come on.

The Plain White T's are signing autographs

at the Westbrook mall.

The Plain White T's are in town?

I love them.

So it's cool if I miss "iCarly"?

No.

You promised you'd be on the show tonight.

Sorry. I'll do it another time.

Great, where are we gonna find another kid

who can fit his entire foot in his mouth?

Hey, Gibby. You wanna be on "iCarly"?

Totally. What do I got to do?

I'll show you. Oh!

Put your foot it your mouth. Come on, you can do it.

I can't! In the mouth, Gibby!

I don't bend that way! Put your foot in your mouth!

Put your foot in your mouth! I can't! I can't do that!

She's not like other girls. No.

Come on, Gibby, lift your foot higher.

Bend it, Gibby, come on!

Put the foot in the mouth!

In five, four, three, two...

♪ I know you see ♪

♪ Somehow the world will change for me ♪

♪ And be so wonderful ♪

♪ Live life, breathe air ♪

♪ I know somehow we're going to get there ♪

♪ And feel so wonderful ♪

♪ It's all for real ♪

♪ I'm telling you just how I feel ♪

♪ So wake up the members of my nation ♪

♪ It's your time to breath ♪

♪ There's no chance unless you take one ♪

♪ Every time you see the brighter side ♪

♪ Of every situation ♪

♪ Some things are meant to be ♪

♪ So give me your best and leave the rest to me ♪

♪ Leave it all to me ♪

♪ Leave it all to me ♪

♪ Just leave it all to me ♪

In five, four, three, two...

Hello, Internet-alonians.

Greetings, webites.

If you're here to see a live autopsy

of an alien...

You've come to the wrong url.

Okay, we've got an awesome show

for you guys tonight.

And we're gonna kick it off

by showing you a freakish video.

Sent in by an "iCarly" viewer...

Of a cat meowing the national anthem.

God bless "a-meow-ica."

Freddie? One singin' cat comin' up.

I rule you, horse.

I said, giddy-up. I said, giddy-up.

I said, giddy-up, yeah!

Freddie, where's the singing cat?

Okay, okay. Hang on.

Here.

It's upside down. I see that. Wait.

Sorry "iCarly" viewers.

Freddie will have the cat video fixed in just a sec.

Okay, guys, we're having some minor

technical difficulties.

So, while we get 'em fixed...

Please enjoy this picture of an old lady biting a brick.

Freddie, what do you think went wrong?

I'm not sure.

But I'd bet an entire month's allowance

that all my equipment was working perfectly.

Ooh, you'd bet a whole eight bucks?

Shh.

Your mom only gives you eight bucks a month?

She's afraid if she gives me more,

I'll buy a bus ticket and leave her.

That's so dumb.

Yeah, not really.

It's on right now? Cool, I'm puttin' it on.

Thanks, Socko. Turn on channel eight!

Why, what's... No time for questions!

At the Westbrook mall, the Plain White T's,

famous for their number one hit song,

"Hey There, Delilah,"

were signing autographs when lead singer

Tom Higgenson sneaked away to buy himself a latte.

As Mr. Higgenson was leaving the coffee kiosk,

he was almost struck by a giant menu board

when it fell from the upstairs food court.

Oh, no! What?

Shh, watch, watch.

Luckily, a passing bystander pushed the rock star

out of the way, saving his life.

Spencer! That's you.

I know! You're like a hero.

"Like"?

So did you get an autograph from Tom Higgenson?

Better, I didn't have any paper,

so he signed my back.

Wow. Read it.

"Spencer, thanks so much for pushing me out of the way.

If it wasn't for you, I could have been killed

by that menu board.

By the way, nice mole." Oh, look.

Tom drew a little arrow

pointing to Spencer's back mole.

That is a nice mole.

"Thanks again. I totally owe you one, bro.

Your buddy, Tom Higgenson."

Is that his phone number? Yup.

Hey. What?

Oh, never mind, I shouldn't ask.

Okay.

Will you ask the Plain White T's to perform on "iCarly"?

Will you take a digital picture of my back?

Yes. Then, yes!

Ah! No way!

Colonel Morgan. What's up, buttercup?

Permission to hug? Permission granted.

Me next. Spencer.

At ease. Sorry, sir.

What are you doing here?

Yeah, I thought you were overseas with dad.

I was.

But I'm back here for a couple of weeks

to do a little recruiting.

But more importantly...

I bring gifts from your father.

Yes! Awesome.

For Carly, a handmade laptop case

from Switzerland.

Whoa, I love Swiss laptop cases!

And for Spencer, a two-foot-long

Italian meat stick.

This is two feet? It was, till I had lunch.

So you're gonna be in Seattle till the end of the month?

Yep, and before I leave,

I want you both to come over

and have dinner with me and Carmela.

Sure. We'll try and get there early.

All right. I better run on.

Ooh! Before you go, you got to read my back.

Read your back? Read my back!

If you ever need my help with anything,

you just call me.

Thanks, Colonel Morgan.

Uncle Roger. Uncle Roger.

Is he reading it?

Are you sure we're not gonna have

any more problems? We shouldn't.

I triple-checked everything.

Okay, we're live

in five, four, three, two...

Hello, people of Earth, Jupiter, and Wisconsin.

I'm Carly, which rhymes with barley.

And I'm Sam... Which rhymes with ham.

Okay, by now, I'm sure you've heard

that Tom Higgenson...

Lead singer of the Plain White T's...

Recently had his life saved by a passing bystander.

And that passing bystander is my brother, Spencer.

Now guess what?

Tom Higgenson is so cool

that he promised my brother a big favor.

So Spencer's gonna try and get the Plain White T's

to play live right here on "iCarly."

Just go to iCarly.com to check out more info

when that might happen.

But right now...

Sam's gonna send a 20-word text message

using only her feet and toes.

Here I go.

Okay, Carly, just put the cell phone

between my toes there.

Okay, there you go. There we go, okay.

All right. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Gettin' some words in there.

B-r-b.

Oh, yeah. L-o-I.

Freddie, what up with the green screen?

Uh, I'm not sure.

Uh, what's going on with the monitor?

I don't know.

Random dancing!

Freddie, do something!

I'm trying!

It's like I have no control over anything!

Random dancing...

Okay, now what? We're offline.

No signal in or out.

Our whole website's down.

Aw, great, in the middle of our show?

Wait, what's going on with the monitor?

I'm not making it do that.

Well, then who's... I am the source

of "iCarly" 's technical difficulties.

Well, knock it off!

Who are you anyway?

My identity is a secret.

Nevel, come say goodbye, sweetie.

Mother, I'm busy!

Nevel?

Hello, Carly, Sam, Freddie.

You're the one messing up our Webcast?

That's right. I've hacked your website.

I told you I'd get revenge.

No. You said I'd "rue the day."

Same thing!

And now your time to rue has come.

Look, Nevel, you better just back off,

or I'm gonna squeeze

your big round melon head till it pops.

You don't scare me, Sam.

Well, we know what does scare you.

Yeah. We're just gonna tell your mom on you again,

and then you'll be in huge trouble.

Wrong.

My mother's leaving for a two-month cruise

around the Arabian peninsula.

Well, someone has to be in charge of you.

Correct. My grandmother.

But she's hopelessly confused.

That's right. I'm untouchable.

I control "iCarly", and there's nary a thing

you can do to stop me.

"Nary"?

Let the ruing begin.

You feel it, Carly?

You feel the rue?

You feel it?

Nevel, come kiss mommy goodbye.

All right, mother!

Better find a new hobby, Carly,

'cause your web show is officially canceled by me.

I hate him.

I heard that.

Well, how's he doing it?

I don't know.

Somehow Nevel hacked into my computer

and was able to control everything in our studio.

Well, this is horrible.

You know what else is horrible?

You're out of mini marshmallows.

Sam.

This is a crisis situation.

Yeah? I'll just use this big one.

So Nevel can just mess up our show

whenever he wants?

Yeah. Till we can figure out

how to stop him, which could take months.

Well, then, for now, we're stopping "iCarly."

What? Carly!

There's no point in us doing the show

just so Nevel can wreck it.

Yeah. True.

Awesome.

That's incredible! That's incredible!

I'll tell them right now. Bye.

Oh, my God!

That was Tom Higgenson.

He said yes.

I got you the Plain White T's for "iCarly" next week!

Guys, calm down.

Does it have to be next week?

Well, yeah, after that, they leave on

like a year-long world tour. What's the problem?

We can't do "iCarly" next week.

Nevel hacked us.

That evil little maniac that makes great tapenade,

but tried to kiss Carly?

Yeah, the little nub hates me now,

and he figured out how to mess up our show

whenever he wants.

Do you know how huge it'd be

for "iCarly" to have the Plain White T's on?

Yes.

Then we're not canceling the show.

Tell Tom we'll be ready.

Yay. I go dial.

Why'd you do that?

How are we gonna stop Nevel?

He messed with iCarly.com.

We're gonna mess with nevelocity.com.

You think you can hack him back?

Yeah. We just got to sneak into his house

so I can get to his computer.

And then, when he realizes that we can crash his site,

he'll leave "iCarly" alone.

Nice. Wow, Freddie.

I like seeing you get all feisty.

That's that Freddie way.

I thought the Freddie way

was a toasted bagel with grape jelly.

That's the Freddie breakfast way.

♪ ♪

Sam, where are you?

In the kitchen.

How'd you get in here?

Back door was open.

Hey, look, I got some tuna tetrazzini

in the fridge.

Sam, we're here to hack Nevel's computer,

not eat his tetrazzini.

I feel we can do both.

Okay, here I come.

Come on, can we just do this before Nevel comes back?

Yeah. Let me just unhook myself.

I'm gonna go scope the place out.

Oh, man. The latch is bent.

What?

So you're stuck there?

Yeah.

Well, here, here, let me help you out there.

Oh, cool, thank you.

Ah! Stop me! Stop me! Stop me!

Will you quit playin' around?

He can't release the latch.

Oh, man.

Okay, then, just tell us what to do.

Okay.

First, go find Nevel's base of operations.

Right in here.

Wow.

I used to rate geeks on a scale of one to Freddie.

But I think Nevel just broke that scale.

Whoa.

Okay, Freddie, we're in Nevel's nerd cave.

What do we do? Okay.

Hook up my T.I.D. cable

from the UGC port on my laptop

to the QSB input on his Y drive.

What?

The blue cable.

Plug the small end

into my laptop and the fat end into Nevel's computer.

Thank you!

Oh, spider!

Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! We have a situation!

What's wrong?

I think Nevel's grandmother just walked in.

Don't worry. Nevel said she's hopelessly confused.

Okay, we've got the cable hooked up.

Now what?

Okay, there's a file on my desktop called vl2.exe.

Drag that onto his hard drive.

Okay. After you do that,

just unhook the...

Hi, there.

Spider!

Stop it, lady!

Would you... Stop!

Who are you?

Your personal trainers.

My personal...

come on, let's do some squat thrusts.

Squat thrusts.

There you go.

Ready? But I don't... I don't...

Just squat and thrust. Begin.

One... Two...

Do it!

One... three. Three.

Four. Yup, I can count, one.

Good... Oh, yeah, likin' that.

Two. Work it.

Oh, keep workin'.

Don't get lazy on me. One... uh-huh, good job.

Two, okay, come on, one... all the way down,

don't give up.

Go on, feel the burn? Ooh.

Better, okay. Keep it going. Yeah, sure.

Ooh!

Three! "W."

Mustard!

Petticoats!

Four!

And in about two minutes,

we are gonna crash Nevel's website.

Pull up the nevelocity.com.

Copy that.

Hey, which socks do you think I should wear

when the Plain White T's come here?

Blue stripes with golden pineapples?

Or aqua with fuchsia palm trees?

Wear one of each.

Hey, that's brilliant.

Look at you thinking outside the socks.

I'll be in my room.

Okay, Sam, keep your eye on Nevel's site

and watch it crash.

Still workin'.

What happened? My computer crashed.

Surprise! Ha ha ha ha!

Aw, it's so cute how you tried

to crash my website, but who failed?

You did.

Okay, Nevel, why are you torturing us?

Firstly, because you refused to kiss me,

then soiled my face with tapenade.

You better just back off, Papperman.

No, I control the "iCarly" website now.

But look at the bright side.

What bright side? There is none! Ha!

You all lost and I all won.

Bye.

Well, better tell Spencer to cancel the Plain White T's.

Oh, man, this bites.

But we can't do "iCarly" as long as Nevel

controls our site.

So true. Get off my monitor!

Who are you calling? You'll see.

You ordering pizza? No!

Um, are you sure we should do the show?

Yeah, seriously.

I mean, you know Nevel's just...

We're doing the show.

Okay.

In five, four, three, two...

And welcome. To what?

ICarly. Oh, yeah.

I'm Sam. And I'm Carly.

It's Nevel again. Now, what's he doing?

Overriding our signal.

He's web casting directly to our audience.

And now on "iCarly", I will sing a song

all about my web cast.

♪ I have a web show that I do ♪

♪ It is really bad ♪

How could this not be infuriating you?

Just keep watching.

♪ And boring, too, it makes people sad ♪

♪ With a boring here and... ♪

What are you people doing here? I demand a...

Quiet! Yes, sir.

Who's that? A friend of my dad's.

You called in the military? I don't play around.

Nevel Papperman, your computer hacking

is a direct violation

of the Internet security act of 1983.

Wait. They're taking my equipment.

They can't do that. Oh, yes, they can.

And I can also place you under military arrest.

No! No, please, I'm just a young boy.

Huh?

A boy, trust me.

Please don't arrest me. Okay, fine.

You're not under arrest.

Then what are you gonna do with me?

Get me down from here!

After you apologize to Carly.

I'm sorry, Carly.

Now, call yourself a weenie.

I'm a weenie.

He is a weenie. Yeah.

Very weenie-ish.

Okay, Carly, I don't think this boy

will be bothering you anymore.

No. Let's clear out.

Wait,

You can't just leave me dangling up here!

Sure, I can.

Let's go get some sushi.

Wait, wait.

No, no, please.

You can't just leave me dangling here.

No! No!

Don't leave me dangling!

Don't leave me dangling!

Okay, iCarly.com

is back under our control, and we are live.

We're back.

Sorry for that little interruption.

We don't think it'll happen again.

Nope. And now a first for "iCarly."

A world famous band is gonna perform live

right here.

Right now. So please welcome...

The Plain White T's!

Hey, I'm Tom Higgenson.

Before we do this song, I wanna thank Carly's brother,

Spencer, for saving my life.

Spencer, you're a heck of a guy

and you wear some rockin' socks.

That's true.

All right, let's do this for "iCarly."

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ There will be no rules tonight ♪

♪ If there were, we'd break 'em ♪

♪ Nothing's gonna stop us now ♪

♪ Let's get down to it ♪

♪ Nervous hands and anxious smiles ♪

♪ I can feel you breathing ♪

♪ This is right where we belong ♪

♪ Turn up the music ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ This is the dance for all the lovers ♪

♪ Takin' a chance for one another ♪

♪ Finally, it's our time now ♪

♪ These are the times that we'll remember ♪

♪ Breaking the city's heart together ♪

♪ Finally, it's our time now it's our time now ♪

♪ This is more than just romance ♪

♪ It's an endless summer, I can feel the butterflies ♪

♪ Leading me through it ♪

♪ Take my heart, I'll take your hand ♪

♪ As we're falling under, this is an addiction, girl ♪

♪ Let's give in to it ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ This is the dance for all the lovers ♪

♪ Takin' a chance for one another ♪

♪ Finally, it's our time now ♪

♪ These are the times that we'll remember ♪

♪ Breaking the city's heart together ♪

♪ Finally, it's our time now ♪

♪ It's our time now ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Finally, it's our time now ♪

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!

Hey. You there.

You wanna see us do stuff

you can't see anywhere else?

Do you? I think they do.

Then go online to iCarly.com.

Yeah, go to iCarly.com.

Use your computer.

It's the best way to get there.

Once you get to iCarly.com,

you can see me and Carly...

And Freddie and Spencer...

And our other friends...

Do all kinds of wacky, fun stuff.

You know you like wacky, fun stuff.

So go online to iCarly.com.

And see stuff you can't see anywhere else.

Only at iCarly.com.

So go there. Do it.

Seriously. Bah.

Bah.