Original subtitles

In five, four, three, two...

Hey! Welcome to "iCarly!"

You know who we are.

You don't know?

Okay, then... I'm Carly!

I'm Sam!

Now you know! Now you know!

So guess what?

We've been watching some action movies.

We love watching dudes fight.

Even though we know the punches aren't really real.

The actors just swing and miss, but they play a sound effect.

Like this!

Looked like I punched her, right?

Oh, my God! Are you okay?

I... I think so.

'Cause they also use fake blood!

Bwaaaah! Bwaaaah!

And now moving on...

Last week, one of our viewers submitted an awesome video clip

to us right here at iCarly.com.

It's from Keri Mackler of Providence, Rhode Island.

She's a singer. This girl can wail.

Freddie, play Keri's video clip.

Playback.

Hi, Carly. Hey, Sam.

I love your web show.

Okay, check this out.

This is one of my mom's really good glasses.

Okay, now watch...

Yeah! Nice!

Did you see that?

Why can't she sing that note next to our math teacher's head?

All right, now to finish off

tonight's Webcast, my brother Spencer...

An amazing artist...

Is gonna show you his latest sculpture...

His coolest one ever...

So hit the applause button and say hello

to my big brother, Spencer!

Yo-yo-Dee-yo!

Tell the iCarly viewers about your latest masterpiece.

Okay, so the other night I'm watching this TV show

about building houses, right?

And this one guy asks this other guy

which he likes better,

a nail gun or a hammer.

And the guy goes, "Personally,

I'm a fan of hammers."

And when he said that,

it inspired me to build this...

A fan of hammers!

Sam, hit that button.

Thank you!

I understand your excitement!

Hey, check this out. It actually works.

All right!

Fan-tastic!

Uh, is it supposed to do that?

Um, no, not really, no.

Hit the floor!

It needs to be adjusted.

In five, four, three, two...

♪ I know you see ♪

♪ Somehow the world will change for me ♪

♪ And be so wonderful ♪

♪ Live life, breathe air ♪

♪ I know somehow we're going to get there ♪

♪ And feel so wonderful ♪

♪ It's all for real ♪

♪ I'm telling you just how I feel ♪

♪ So wake up the members of my nation ♪

♪ It's your time to be ♪

♪ There's no chance unless you take one ♪

♪ Every time you see the brighter side ♪

♪ Of every situation ♪

♪ Some things are meant to be ♪

♪ So give me your best and leave the rest to me ♪

♪ Leave it all to me ♪

♪ Leave it all to me ♪

♪ Just leave it all to me ♪

I got it.

If it's Freddie's mom, don't open the door.

Hey, my mom happens to be...

yeah, don't.

Grandad. Spencer.

Grandad! Carly!

How's my little gumdrop, huh? Awesome!

Did you see my web show last night?

Yes, I did, and you were adorable.

Thanks! So, what are you doing here in Seattle?

Why didn't you tell us you were coming?

What, a man can't drive ninety minutes

to surprise his favorite grandkids, huh?

How come my grandfather just sleeps and burps?

'Cause he's related to you?

Oh, you remember Freddie.

'Course. He lives right across the hall.

And I think you met Sam last time you were here.

Yes, she borrowed ten dollars from me

and then ate my sandwich.

Nice to see you again.

Oh, Carly, ah-ah, got a little present for you.

Really?

Ooh, a gift card for groovy smoothies!

Thanks. How much?

Sam.

Thirty bucks.

Good man.

Let's go spend that bad boy.

I can't now. My grandad just got here.

Ah, go have fun. I'll be in town a few days.

Okay!

Smooth-eeee! Yeah!

Bring me back a blueberry banana blitz?

Sure. Be back whenever.

See you whenever.

I used to get the strawberry splat,

but then I tried the blueberry banana blitz...

Are you outta your mind?

I shoulda got the strawberry splat?

I am talking about your little stunt

on Carly's Webcast.

Oh, the fan of hammers.

You nearly took Carly's head off.

It was incredibly irresponsible.

It was an accident.

And I am very responsible.

Oh, you think?

A responsible guardian tells a 13-year-old girl

she can just come home "whenever"?

She's just across the street.

And she's with two friends,

and she has her cell phone with her at all times.

You know, I was not happy when you dropped

out of law school to become an artist.

Wow! Really?

You could've been a fantastic lawyer!

I didn't wanna be a lawyer! Why not?

Because when you're a lawyer, you can't do this!

You had such a bright future.

I'm sorry, I can't hear you. I'm rocking out.

You could've been a brilliant lawyer,

that's all I'm trying to say!

But then you start making these weird sculptures,

and now...

And now you're putting Carly at risk.

So, maybe it's for the best if...

If Carly comes to live with me!

♪ Get over it ♪

♪ You can live without her ♪

♪ You can live without the ♪

Carly needs a grown-up.

I am a grown-up. Huh...

And I really don't think Carly wants go live

with you in Yakima.

And why is that? 'Cause she likes to have fun.

Oh, you don't think I'm fun, huh?

That was impressive.

I'll be at the Parker-Nichols hotel,

two blocks over.

I love you, Spencer.

But Carly needs a responsible adult authority figure.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Whoop...

Hey, Spence,

I'm back with one large blueberry banana blitz.

Where have you been? At the groovy smoothie.

For a half hour? Smoothies are thick.

You can only suck 'em down so fast.

No excuses.

You're outta control.

Yeah, clearly I have a problem.

I'll check into smoothies anonymous tomorrow.

When you live under my roof, you live by my rules, so...

Always try your best and eat your vegetables!

Okay, are you on some kind of new medication

I should know about?

Ahh, I can't do this.

Do what?

After you left, grandad told me

he doesn't think I'm responsible enough

to take care of you. That's insane.

He thinks you'd be better off living with him in Yakima.

Yakima? I ain't going to Yakima!

He can't do that. Can he do that?

I don't know. But you're very responsible.

Our grandfather doesn't think so.

Well, we're just gonna have to change grandad's mind

'cause I'm not moving to Yakima.

All right, don't worry too much about this yet.

Just go do your homework or something.

Okay.

I mean, You go do your homework

right now, young lady!

Yes, sir.

And just say no!

Always! And stay in school!

Maybe!

Will you chill?

I'll chill after grandad's convinced

that Spencer's a responsible adult.

Yeah, good luck with that.

Hey, could you keep your hands off

my equipment over there?

I could... But I don't think I will.

I'm wearing my suit.

Nice.

Isn't it kinda small on you?

Yeah, 'cause I only wore it once

in the tenth grade for a school play.

What role did you play? Man in suit.

Ah.

I hate it!

You're not supposed to like it.

It's supposed to help grandad see you as a mature adult.

Okay.

But can we have ice cream after he's gone?

Doorbell. Smells like your grandad.

You smell like garbage. Your butt's shaped like a ham.

Hey, no fighting tonight.

You figure out how to tie your tie,

and I'll go downstairs and stall grandad.

Okay.

What do you want us to do? Get out.

Right.

Wait, the back way!

Grandad. Surprise!

Wow. An "I heart Yakima" t-shirt.

For you. Yay.

Why'd you get me this?

Carly...

Come, sit.

I got in touch with your dad last night.

Aw, man.

I told him I was worried about you,

you know, living here with Spencer.

And what'd he say?

He thinks Spencer's very responsible.

See? He knows what he's talking about.

Wait.

Your dad also agreed that,

since he's not here right now,

I can decide what's best for you.

Well, what does he know?

He's in the Navy on a submarine three miles under water!

He's probably all dizzy!

Carly, you're coming to live with me in Yakima.

No! I wanna stay here in Seattle with Spencer!

Spencer needs to learn to take care of himself

before he can take care of a child.

I'm not a child. I'm just young and short.

Sweetheart...

Spencer's very responsible and very grown up!

Hey, you guys...

Ohh! Ooh!

Who's ready for dinner?

Please don't make me move to Yakima.

Please don't make her move to Yakima.

Yakima's a great town.

No "great town" can be named Yakima.

It sounds like someone throwing up.

It does.

Yakima!

Yakima!

I'm sorry.

She's coming to live with me.

Then I wore this monkey suit for nothing!

Stupid tie!

You're wrong about him.

Look, I love Spencer...

Then let me keep living here.

And what if something bad happens?

Nothing's gonna happen.

You don't know that.

Remember the hammer. I ducked!

What if you hadn't? But I did!

Can't you see I'm only thinking of what's best for you?

No! What about school?

You can transfer to Yakima Junior High.

Gross!

I'm sorry, baby, my mind's made up.

You can have a day to pack up your things

and say goodbye to your friends.

We leave tomorrow night.

Call for help.

I can't believe you're moving.

Well, believe it 'cause it's happening.

You know, I ought to go tell your grandfather

a thing or two.

If only you knew a thing or two.

Ooh, can I have this?

I'm moving, I'm not dying.

But don't you want me to have something

to remember you by?

Like 9,000 of your favorite songs?

Give it.

I'm just trying to cheer you up.

You can't cheer me up.

I'm moving to Yakima.

I'm gonna be a Yakimite...

Or a Yakimaneeshin.

Yakimaniac.

You're Yakimannoying.

So...

What about our show?

I don't see how we're gonna do "iCarly" anymore.

Ugh, this whole thing's so lame.

So Spencer's a little unusual. Big deal.

It doesn't mean he can't take care of me.

Hey, what if we think of a way for your grandad

to see that Spencer's a good guardian?

Yeah. How?

I could pretend to do something really terrible.

Right. Something that'll get Spencer really upset with you.

Yeah, then he'll freak out and yell at me

right in front of grandad.

Which will make him realize

Spencer's a responsible authority figure.

I love it.

So what bad thing are you gonna do?

I don't know. Let's think of something.

I enjoy this assignment.

It's open!

I thought you weren't coming to get Carly till later.

She called and asked me to come here for dinner.

Oh, did she? Yes.

Maybe she's handling this whole thing

more maturely than you are.

Maybe she is.

Must you look in my wok?

I just wanna know what you're cooking for dinner.

Chicken stir-fry. That okay?

Or do you think mister chicken should go pack his bags

and live with you in Yakima?

Will you stop trying to pick fights with me?

You're just mad because I don't

want to be a lawyer like you.

I love you, Spencer, but I love Carly, too,

and as her grandfather,

it's my responsibility to make sure that she...

Hey, guys.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Carly! What have you done?

Well, I figured since I'm going to a new school,

it's a perfect time to, you know, re-invent myself.

You like? Like?

You look fantastic!

What? What?

I mean, you really like it?

Yeah!

You got the crazy hair and the piercings.

It's so in your face.

You know, like... Boo!

You approve of this?

Give us a sec.

How can you think she looks good like that?

I don't. Then why did you tell her...

She's a little teenager. But...

You gotta let kids express themselves.

I always let Carly express herself.

Can I interrupt?

Not now! Quiet, Carly.

Look, this is just a phase.

And what's her next phase?

Stealing cars? Swimming with hobos?

I don't think hobos enjoy swimming.

This just proves that you're unfit

to take care of my granddaughter.

She's my little sister, and I am very responsible,

no matter what you say.

I know everything that goes on around here.

Uh, guys?

What? What?

Fire!

Don't just yell! Do something!

Yes, we have a kitchen fire!

Please send help right away!

Aaah!

Aw! And I just bought this broom!

Aaah!

Hey, don't worry, we're just gonna go...

Quiet! I'm saving your life!

Aah!

Careful with her!

Run, old man, run!

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Too many people in my lobby!

Keep off my floor!

I just mopped!

Aah!

Just wait in the car, Mom!

Man!

Hey. Freddie texted me saying you guys had a fire.

Nice rods and rings.

If you like 'em, take 'em.

I already told my grandad and Spencer they were fake.

Why?

'Cause Spencer thought I looked good,

then his chicken burst into flames,

and now I'm moving to Yakima.

So this fire is your fault.

Mrs. Benson, please, I...

Because of you, I had to stop right in the middle of rubbing

anti-tick lotion on Freddie.

Mom, I don't have ticks.

They hide in your leg hair.

I don't have leg hair!

Which worries me deeply!

I'm sorry.

I was making dinner, and it caught on fire.

Well, you're lucky no one got hurt.

Anti-tick lotion?

It's precautionary.

You were right, okay?

I am irresponsible.

Carly should go live with you.

Spencer.

Well, I'm glad you see it my way, Spence.

You can come visit any time you like.

All right, fire's out. It's all clear.

How's the damage? Nothing too bad.

Mmm!

This is some good chicken stir-fry.

Okay.

This is my last suitcase.

I'm ready to ruin my life.

Look, I know you're upset, kiddo,

but once you smell that Yakima air,

you'll feel better.

Yes, the sweet smell of Yakima.

Here. What's this?

Everything you need to know about taking care of Carly.

I listed all of her allergies,

the number for poison control...

She has allergies? Yes.

These are Carly's favorite foods, drinks,

soups, and chowders.

Aren't soups and chowders the same thing?

No, there's a distinction.

Uh, this is her homework schedule

and the number for a good tutor

'cause she's been having some trouble with science.

Oh, and these are the vitamins she needs to take every day.

I only give her the ones shaped like dinosaurs.

Why?

Dinosaurs are cool.

Oh, she's really into drinking coffee...

But I always give her decaf without telling her.

What? Nothing.

Keep it.

Thank you, Spencer.

This is, uh...

Impressive.

Wow, thanks.

So, this is it.

This is it.

Be strong, Freddie.

So, who's gonna take the blame

when I put live lobsters in the trunk

of miss Briggs' car?

Will you at least try to stay out of trouble?

Nope.

Well, we should go.

Long drive, lots of traffic.

Okay, well, I guess this is...

No!

Freddie, let go of my legs.

I got him.

Sorry.

Lost my cool for a sec there.

You can't lose what you never had.

Okay. Let's go.

Aren't you gonna say goodbye to Spencer?

We already did before you came up.

Okay then.

Will you guys come down to the lobby with me?

Sure. Of course.

Aw, man!

Wait!

Hello?

No, Freddie's not here, Mrs. Benson.

I don't know when I grew leg hair!

I gotta go!

Wait!

Waah! More people!

Aaah!

Okay, the car's right out front.

Oh, young man, would you mind getting the rest...

Carly! Wait!

You forgot this.

What's that?

My asthma inhaler?

I haven't had an asthma attack since I was seven.

Well, yeah, but you know, you never know.

Why did you keep that all these years?

In case she needed it.

I'm not gonna need it.

Take it.

Just in case.

Nah. I'm not gonna need this.

Look, asthma's tricky...

I'm not gonna need this

because I want Carly to stay here with you.

Are you serious? Really?

Thank you! Thank you so much!

Could somebody remove this young man from my trousers?

Just remember, I'll be dropping in on you guys

from time to time.

Please! Anytime!

'Cause I still think you're a bit of a nut-bar.

Why? 'Cause I do this?

Don't do that.

You do it like this.

You guys are so embarrassing.

If you're gonna do it, do it right.

♪ A thousand miles oh ♪

♪ Or a thousand kisses, yeah ♪

♪ You still have to go ♪

♪ And take your misses ♪