Original subtitles

Vertigo Visual

in coproduction with Caretta Films

and in collaboration with Focus Pocus Films

presents

My name is Militsa.

I like telling stories,

I love everyone,

I like walking on ceilings,

and I believe that in every story there has to be an element

that will never be explained.

Tonight I�ll tell you a story about this amazing city

and 7 incredible characters.

I almost forgot to mention.

I'm a fly.

Bye mam. -Good bye.

Give me the rucksack.

Give me the rucksack.

What's your problem? Why�re you going berserk?

Shame on you.

Sorry, madam, to disturb you at such a late hour.

That�s not cancer medicine.

It�s just distilled water in ampoules.

Here's your money back. -But, how? I need that medicine.

I�m sorry. The kid is a lowlife.

Take--

Excuse me.

I need to tell you something.

My old man has a piece of land in Pripor.

I thought of starting a small private graveyard.

Wow. Pay attention, he has another idea.

Don't be a prick. I haven't come to the punch line yet.

You don�t have the cash for bribes for all the permits and licenses.

If they ever give them to a 'big player' like you.

The innovation is that we'll sell graves in advance.

'Die tomorrow at today's price.'

You've got a nice headline, you know?

We'll be selling a full burial package to young businessmen age 25 to 35.

They are 50 years away from dying and won't be stressed by the offer.

In 1969 the full burial package cost 160 Deutschmarks, 80 Euros.

It included a burial place, the chapel, dressing the dead,

keeping the body in a fridge, a coffin, linen for the coffin,

a cross, a wreath, marble paving and a marble plate for the grave

with the name and photo engraved.

Come on, mates, it'll dawn on us. -Wait, I haven't finished yet.

Today such a package costs 5000 Euros. -Gimme the key.

If someone'd bought it in '69 for 160 Deutschmarks,

since the currency has lost value 7 times in the last 50 years,

in today's money that'd have cost about 560 Euros.

That's real savings of 4440 Euros per package.

Savings?

Savings for whom?

For the fucking customer. Who else?

But the savings materialise at the moment

when the customer dies. -Yes. So?

The fucker's dead at the moment of saving.

So what?

Since he's already dead, lying stiff 2 meters underground,

he doesn't give a fuck whether he's saved shit.

Do you follow me?

I need to explain every fucking detail to you.

Are you nuts? I almost killed you.

Run after her. She should be taken to hospital. I�ll take photos.

What did you do?

You hit someone, didn�t you? -No.

Get out and go home. I�ll deal with this.

What�s there to be dealt with? I haven�t done anything.

Will the doctor really deal with that?

Why couldn�t the radio host resist the manhole?

Why is the artist running away from people?

Are these three loafers coppers?

Why else would they carry police uniforms?

And why is a fly telling you this story?

Don�t forget, in stories everything happens for a reason.

SNOW WHITE DIES AT THE END

The Crisis Management Centre has announced that in the last 24 hours

new fires have been reported at 6 different locations near Skopje.

A new fire started last night near the village of Morani,

in the municipality of Studenichani.

Low-grade trees and dry grasses burn near the village of Govrlevo.

Wild fires are raging near the village of Indjikovo,

close to the suburbs of Hippodrome and Chento.

Near the village of Brazda, in the municipality of Chucher-Sandevo,

5 hectares of oak, beech and hornbeam forest have caught fire.

Some new and smaller fires have been active

near the villages of Viniche, Marino and Krushopek.

Look at them, fucking peasants.

They've set the entire country on fire.

You know why they set fires?

They�re too lazy to plough their land. Bloody animals.

A WEEK LATER

He screwed us again.

Who? -You know who. -I don't know who.

You do. -I really don't. -Are you provoking me?

Taking the piss out of me? -Mind your language.

Remember where we're going?

When did he screw us?

See, you know. You�re just playing games with me.

He screwed us the last time. He flogged us crap.

No one's complained so far. -I'm complaining.

You want to tell me something? -Please just live me alone.

You never believe me. Like dad. He never believed me either.

How do you know it�s crap then? -I've had complaints.

By whom?

By people. -What people?

Doesn't matter. -It does. What people?

Doesn't matter. What, I'm lying again?

What people?

Just people, ok? It was shitty rubbish.

You know it's not as easy for me as it's for the others. Inside me--

Now you�ll start with the Enzo nonsense.

I'll never see him again. -To hell with bloody Enzo.

Not Enzo, damn it. Dad.

You would've liked it better if he'd been arrested?

No. But he needn't have fucked off with all the money.

He left you the flat.

And I frittered it away, didn�t I? Is that what you wanna say?

I was swindled out of it.

You gonna bore me with that for the rest of my life?

What're you doing?

Shut up. I'll do the speaking.

The documents, please. -Evening.

There you go.

Step out of the vehicle.

Open the boot.

First Aid Kit?

There.

The jack?

There it is.

Spare light bulbs?

Light bulbs--

They must be somewhere around. There.

A triangle?

There.

Let me see.

All three sides are of different length.

A free lesson.

Geometry recognises 3 types of triangles.

Scalene, isosceles and equilateral.

In your boot, you should have an equilateral one.

All sides should be the same

and all its internal angles must be 60 degrees each.

Instead, you have a isosceles triangle.

Have we met before?

Don't change the subject. Snow chains?

I haven't got them.

It's June.

The registration is expired. -Beg your pardon?

I'm certain it's not. May I see?

You�ll surely see.

What's in the briefcase?

Documents. A doctoral dissertation.

Documents, you say?

Yes.

You were driving at a speed of 102.

This car can't possibly go that fast.

The speed limit is 50. For 102 I should seize your driving licence

and fine you 300 Euros. For driving an unregistered vehicle

I should impound it and fine you another 300 Euros.

No snow chains. Another 45 Euros. A faulty triangle. Another 45 Euros.

If I continue checking God knows what else I'll find.

What're we gonna do now?

Can we avoid that somehow? -Really, bribing an official?

No, no. I didn't mean that. You've got it wrong--

Shut up. You'll say something wrong again.

You see that car over there?

My girlfriend sits in there, waiting for my shift to be over

so that we can celebrate. It's her birthday.

Happy birthday to her. -Thank you.

I bought her a present. 'Poison'. A perfume. Huh?

This is what's to be done.

My shift finishes at 7, meaning I've fucked up her birthday.

I want to do something special for my girlfriend.

I want you and your mate to help me. To sing a song.

What do we need to do?

To sing a song. You know the one:

'Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear Tsetse, Happy birthday to you--'

Tsetse is my girlfriend's name.

Come over here, mate. -Me? -Yes, you.

Over here. Over here.

Over here.

Come.

Over here.

And now, one-two--

Quieter.

Tsetse.

Bravo, my gang. Ready? Follow me.

Stand here.

Happy birthday, Tsetse.

'Poison'?

Thank you, kitten. Not on the lips. -Shut up.

Well, mates, come on,

wave to the 'policeman' over there and smile to the Candid Camera.

Get your hands off me.

Mate, mate, can you sign this release form for us?

Thanks.

These clowns have cost me years of my life.

I should've given them a good thrashing.

Do you wanna go back?

Have you forgotten where we're going?

No, but I'd still like to beat them up.

Fucking TV motherfuckers.

How did I fail to notice they were fake coppers?

I could've given them a good thrashing on the spot.

They did behave like fucking real ones.

Hey--

MILITSA

Get out of the car.

Park the car and get out.

Why?

This was fucking stressful. I need 5 minutes.

I have to calm down. Get out of the car.

Park the car.

Calm down. Calm down. No more stress. No more stress. Calm down.

Calm down. Calm down.

Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.

Calm down.

You won't get cancer like her. Calm down.

You won't drop dead. It's over. It's over. Calm down. Calm down.

So?

Hello.

Igor.

I heard it on the radio.

Really?

Are you all right?

Yes.

Do you want to have a drink somewhere? -No.

Why?

I hate people.

You have a lovely voice. You should speak more.

You don't know how much I speak. It's your turn to speak now.

It may still seem chaotic to you down there,

our characters may seem oblivious,

but from up here I can see perfect order in the chaos.

For example, you may wonder how come I�m dead, but still flying.

But if I tell you that we went back in time,

A DAY EARLIER But if I tell you that we went back in time,

A DAY EARLIER the fact that I'm alive starts making sense, right?

A DAY EARLIER

Hello. It's Igor again and I'll keep you company till 4 am.

Thursday, the 1st of June, has just begun.

The temperature outside is 29 degrees.

Yesterday I made a list of the top 6 reasons why I love lists.

Reason number 1.

When I become overwhelmed by a situation, the only way

to pull myself together is to sit down and make a list.

Number 2.

Because of that wonderful feeling when I tick the last thing on the list.

Number 3.

Because lists help me feel organised and in control.

Number 4.

Because I can go to bed in peace only after I've made

the lists for the following day.

Number 5.

Because lists are the best tool for defragmenting your brain.

Number 6.

Because lists feel definitive and uncertainty is reduced to a minimum.

I'll play some music now, and you can tweet or call

to tell us why you like or dislike lists.

We have a listener on line.

Go on, you�re on air.

I don�t give a fuck about your list, you four-eyed stinker.

God willing someone will ram it up your arse,

you retard pig. The country is filled with immigrants

and you philosophise, you scum, you corrupt Greek cunts,

I�ll fuck your faggot blood. Long live Macedonia.

Dear Listener, in the standard Macedonian language

�four-eyed� is usually �bespectacled�, while you can�t possibly

be aware of my stinking or giving off any unpleasant odour.

`Arse� is usually replaced by �behind� in polite company,

it should be �retarded� instead of �retard�, while �scum�,

although a non-swear word in the dictionary, is particularly offensive

when used in the context in which you've just used it.

Dear listeners, I'm inviting you to join the teams

of firefighting volunteers. The next buses leave

at 7 am from the main bus station.

Bro, you've been goofing about here all day long.

Really, why weren't you at work?

I called in sick. And I'm not going tomorrow either.

Why?

We'll go firefighting, isn't that so?

Why don't you just tell them you�re going firefighting?

I'm thinking about leaving. -Why?

I didn't want to work on a campaign and got more bullshit

from the Bullshitter. He said 'you cannot choose projects'.

'If you don't wanna work on this one, pack up and fuck off'.

And I'm considering fucking off. I've fucking had enough.

Don't be a fool, mate? Your salary is 10 times my father's.

Where else are you gonna get a salary that big?

Listen what I have to do to get those 10 salaries.

I'm with Vodafone. You're with T-Mobile.

Whenever anyone who's not with Vodafone phones me,

I get money from Vodafone. So, we need to speak on the phone.

I just beep you, you ring me and I get money.

In fact, I'm stealing from you. Now I'm supposed

to convince people to steal from their brothers, friends,

parents, sisters. I don't wanna do that.

Wait. What's wrong with the campaign?

What do you mean what's wrong? People steal from each other.

What's your problem? You've been doing this shit

for how long? And now you discover it's wrong?

You're right. I should've left earlier.

Leave it for few days to settle down, then reconsider it.

Don't treat him like a fucking child.

Not everything's about fucking money.

No, it's about being late.

Now you'll start breaking my balls about being late?

I can understand being 5 or 10 minutes late for coffee.

But when it's about business, I can't tolerate tardiness.

Don't you boss me around, you wimp.

I find being hurried stressful and I have no intention of fucking up

my good mood in order to get somewhere on time.

I'll get there when I get there.

I've never been late by more than half an hour.

Why the fuck do I even bother explaining shit to you?

You miss the bigger picture.

Please enlighten me about the bigger picture. What is it?

Sleeping till 12 everyday? Living with mama and off her pension?

Let us imagine that one of your business ideas succeeds

and we are loaded. What happens next? -What happens next?

I'll tell you what happens next. We buy houses, flats,

weekend homes, cars. We marry bimbos.

Speaking of bimbos, pass me your phone to show you

what problems trouble your ex. -Buy yourself a phone.

No, thank you, you slaves to Facebook and Twitter.

Listen, now.

'Dearest women, do you have sex on Christian holidays?

I find it very awkward to have an intercourse

on a religious holiday, but my husband doesn�t care

and we often argue about it.' Wow. What a scandal.

Listen to this. Question: 'Dearest mommies,

do you know someone that does chants against a sty?'

The answer: 'Go to the toilet for a number 2

and with the eye with a sty, you wink at the shit 3 times

and the sty will disappear forever.'

Want more? -Give us the phone.

Then we'll have no time for us, we'll communicate

on Facebook only, and see each other at our children's birthdays

and at funerals. Is that what you want?

Let's move.

When did you have your last period?

The middle of March.

Good.

So it�s been 10 weeks. The right time.

In your case I strongly recommend an abortion.

I don't know.

If anyone at home finds out, it�ll be big--

Does anyone know that you�re pregnant? -No.

No problem then. Don�t tell anyone about it.

You're not underage. There are no legal obstacles.

What if they find out?

There�s no way they can find out. We'll organise just like now,

when I'm doing the night shift.

It'll only be me and nurse Zhaki. She's someone I trust.

That�s a big disgrace.

If you give birth to the child, it�ll stay around for good.

Are you ready to look after that child every day for the rest of your life?

I don't know. -Think about it.

My folks mustn�t find out.

You just need to be strong and not tell anyone.

Are we in agreement?

All right then.

Meaning?

Let's fix the date.

When is your next night shift?

Is Saturday all right?

It is. -Don�t be afraid. -I won�t.

Have you got enough money for a taxi? -I have, thank you.

See you Saturday then. -Yes, Saturday. Thank you.

Everything will be all right.

Are there any fires near your village?

No, but there was one on the way here, near Viniche.

Good Bye. -Good Bye, I�ll be waiting for you on Saturday.

Zhaki, can you, please, come over here?

The girl will come for an abortion on Saturday.

Don�t register her officially, just write down a reminder.

We'll sort out the documents when she comes.

And swap with Maria, so that we do the night shift together.

Can you? Do you have other plans?

I can, I don't have other plans.

Incest again?

Skopje women are some women, aren't they?

I�ll tell you a secret: Mother Teresa is from Skopje.

And one more: us flies have our taste buds located in our legs.

And another one: our doctor promised her best friend on her deathbed

that she�ll look after this wastrel lying on the toilet floor.

I thought you were coming, you fag?

Coming where?

To 'Kinky'.

Why?

Because you said so. -Said who?

Your grandma.

What about my grandma? -You said so, you motherfucker.

Where did I say so? -On telly.

A while ago, on the phone.

To you, on the phone?

You didn't bring my dope to 'Kinky'.

What dope? -Mottled and with sequins.

Sale. -What?

Sorry bro. -'Nuff bullshit, gimme my dope.

I haven't got any. I'll have some tomorrow.

What do you mean you haven't got any? -No dope, all gone.

But you said you had some a while ago.

Nope, Sale, I was wrong. -You're fucking with me?

Sale, I haven't got any, bro. If you can find anything,

take it all, it's on me.

Why did you say that you had some then?

I was stoned, bro. I don't have a clue what I might've said.

Where can I find something now?

Hello, Frankfurt. -Hey. -Where can I find something now?

What? -Dope.

Try Gazmend.

Who's gonna pick up at 3 am, are you mental?

Try him, bro, he might still be up.

You try, I owe him money.

I don't know his number. -I'll give it to you.

Not enough credit. -Don't fuck with me. Call him.

Hey, guys, please go and bullshit somewhere else.

I'll fulfil 3 of your wishes, for each of you. Just leave.

Can your toilet bowl speak, bro? -No, bro.

This is the first time.

Hey, you.

How come you can speak?

I�m a ghost, that�s how.

What ghost? -The ghost of Jacko.

No shit?

Shall I tell him my 3 wishes now, or--

No need. I can read thoughts. Buzz off now.

But I haven't thought of them yet.

I know what they'd be. Fuck off now.

All right.

Come on.

Hey girl, do you know where Gazmend lives?

You have no manners, you know?

Excuse me, auntie, do you know where Gazmend lives?

I don't know. I don't live here.

You sure don't.

Hello, Frankfurt.

Come on.

There was a piglet in the yard. -Cut that crap about piglets.

You cut that crap about eating pork.

03:59, the 1st of June. The temperature outside is 23 degrees.

This is the end of the night program. One more thing before I go.

There is a girl. If she's listening, she'll know I'm talking about her.

I met her 6 days ago at 04:09, when going back home after work.

I tried to talk to her, but I freaked her out and was responsible for accident.

I want to know whether she's all right.

Every night when my program finishes

I go home following the same route and I go past the tree at 04:09.

Except for Wednesday mornings when I have a day off.

It would be nice to meet her again. Good night.

Good morning.

Today I skipped sleeping.

�Cause it�s the last day of my life.

You know what bothers me?

Will the radio host find the artist while I�m still alive?

And how come a toilet bowl can speak?

Underwear with a removable activated charcoal pad.

The pad filters the stench of the fart. It is attached

with a Velcro tape from the outside.

It can be removed when the pants need a wash.

Hello. - Aunt Slavka, It's Nikola. How are you?

Hello, son. I'm all right, not bad.

Can you wake Deyan up? We have something arranged.

I missed him last light. I dosed off in front of the telly.

I'll go check the kids' room.

How are you? Will there be a wedding soon?

Still too soon. We need to sort out our finances first,

and then we can think about a wedding.

He's nowhere near, too. For Christ's sake, kids,

how long do you intend to wait? You're well over 30 now.

For Christ�s sake, child. All night with an open door.

The draught will kill you.

He's not here, son. He must've spent the night at Vicky�s.

All right, Aunt Slavka, I'll call--

Mate, where�s the beard?

At Bulshitter's office.

Mate, I dreamt about you last night.

It's not smart to ditch a job like that.

Where will you get money for your mom�s medicine?

I'll manage.

How?

My old man has a small piece of land in Pripor--

Mate, I�m serious.

I have enough put by for the first few months.

I'll think of something in the meantime.

Please, reconsider. All right?

All right, I will. -Let's see why this bloke--

What? -When are we setting off?

I'm not leaving until it�s full.

The city will burn down by then.

Boy, I know nothing about it. I do as they tell me.

This sleepy morning reminds me of the infamous 1990s in Skopje,

when our city was the European clubbing capital,

my fellow citizen Darko Panchev, with 34 scored goals,

was the 'Golden Boot' of Europe,

PE teachers didn�t deal drugs,

and the video stores had customers other than

real estate agents trying to buy the property.

Call me if you ever change your mind.

I�m 100% sure I won�t.

All right, then. Good bye. -Good bye.

Who was that? -No one, he was just asking for an address.

Come over here.

Come and see what I've got.

How much was it? -200 Euro. -You're out of your mind.

Hey there, fags.

You were supposed to go firefighting, weren't you?

I thought I was gonna open the shop.

Not enough people showed up. -I constantly repeat

that not a living soul is left, but nobody listens.

What's this?

A cooker, for fuck's sake.

Hello. -Good day. Can I speak to Mr Nathaniel?

Pardon? -Can I speak to Mr Tateovsky?

Speaking. -My name is Blagitsa Ilievska Karagjozovski,

a high ranking official for visual arts in the Ministry of Culture.

The Minister has asked me to get in touch with you.

You haven't answered any of my emails.

I haven't got any of them. You must have the wrong address.

We tried to find someone who knows you personally, but we failed.

Finally we had to ask our colleagues from Cyber Crime for help.

They found the IP address from which you send emails,

post on Twitter and Insta and they got us the matching phone number.

And here we are, we've finally traced you.

We are planning Macedonia's participation at next year's

Venice Biennale. The lady Minister really likes your work

and she would like it if you can offer us

something similar for the exhibition in Venice.

I'm an anonymous artist. I don't communicate with the public.

No problem. There's nothing public for now.

You'll see the lady Minister t�te-�-t�tes in her cabinet.

Can you suggest to the Minister to communicate with me via email?

Oh, no, no. I'll be in trouble.

I'm sorry. I don't communicate with anyone in person.

I believe you're aware this is a lifetime career opportunity.

My email address is tateovsky at gmail dot com.

We can communicate via email.

I can't believe this. Artists.

Snezhana?

Yes. What can I do for you?

I came to get the guitars.

Ah, right. Please, come in.

Would you like a drink?

Have you got whisky?

I have bourbon, Four Roses. Will that do?

Nothing classier?

Nothing classier.

Is this you? -Yes.

Who's the other one?

Dora. She was my best friend.

Not any more?

She died.

Will that do?

Fill it up.

There's 6,000 Euros here.

So? -We agreed on 7,000.

That�s all I�ve got. Take it or leave it.

They�re worth at least 30,000.

All right, then. Give us the money and sell them elsewhere for 40,000.

Give us the money back. -All right, take them, but hurry up.

Should I reveal why the doctor sold the guitars?

To have enough money to buy the neighbour's drill?

Or to pay off the smackhead�s loan shark debt?

At this moment this fly prefers to tell you something else,

about a certain Vicky who ran over a certain heart with a bulldozer.

Last Friday a woman came to the agency for a meeting.

She is starting up a condom factory.

The first Macedonian condom.

You must introduce me to her.

Are you gonna take her out for drinks with Vicky?

What an incredible lack of a sense of humour.

I had this idea to make a viral porno campaign.

I already regret not working on that campaign.

I thought you were going to reconsider?

Are you nuts? I�ll fucking do it. -What?

I'll direct it in Joe D'Amato's style, the David Lynch of porno.

How Joe D'Amato for fuck's sake--

7 or 8 pussies and a dickhead in a van, a VW from the 1970s,

the terrorist van.

For an unknown reason, all the doors and windows are blocked.

Like in that movie with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves

riding in a bus that can't stop-- -'Speed'. By Jan de Bont.

If they open a door or a window, they'll all go to fucking hell.

The pussies are super-hot,

with sexy underwear, Tanga briefs, silk stockings, garters,

shaven pussies Brazilian style and the dickhead's dick this big.

And he bones 'em, one by one.

In the end the bomb squad cuts the red one and--

boom!

They should've cut the black one.

They all fly up in the air. A huge fire. At the end of the police search

everyone's dead,

only the condom is alive.

What do you say?

That�s nice, but how come Joe D'Amato is the David Lynch of porno?

Andrew Blake is the David Lynch of porno. -Always the contrarian, aren't you?

Fuck off. You should be arrested for putting Lynch

and D'Amato in the same sentence. -You're still wet behind the ears

to debate porno with me. You get that?

Joe D'Amato can at best be a Peter Weir of porno.

No fucking chance to be a Lynch. -Fuck off you porno hipster.

What's the problem?

Nothing.

Vicky broke up with me. All this porn talk reminds me of her.

Sorry mates, I can't stand it.

Why did she break up with you?

I asked her to participate in the petrol bill.

I'm driving her back and forth to the suburbs every night.

I'm on the verge of bankruptcy. -And?

She asked me whether she needed to participate

for the petrol bill only, or perhaps for the condoms as well,

whether she needed to participate for that evening only

or for every evening from now on.

I told her that it is for every evening, of course.

Then she asked me whether--

whether she needed to participate retroactively too

and then told me to go fuck myself.

She hasn't answered any of my calls since then.

Maybe it's in silent mode. -Fuck off.

And she gave me an ultimatum.

She said

either her

or you two.

I couldn't have both.

I'll go insane.

Hey.

DEAR RELATIVES, FRIENDS AND FANS, WE WOULD LIKE TO INFORM YOU

THAT AFTER A SHORT ILLNESS MR NATHANIEL TATEOVSKY HAS PASSED AWAY.

How much?

9,500.

Keep the change.

Thank you.

A few days ago a young man was asking how to find you.

I had no phone number for you, so I gave him your address.

Can you please not share my information in future?

I screwed up, didn�t I?

It's all right.

I�m sorry.

Good bye. -Good bye.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

Excuse me, do you know when the wool shop opens?

It should be open. -It�s closed.

He must've taken his break. Usually it's open till 7.

2 days ago the gentleman from the wool shop

shared an important piece of information with me.

I wanted to thank him with a small gift.

Can you give it to him when he opens?

Why don�t you give it to him yourself?

If I wait for him to open, I might end up being late.

I have a harp playing lesson at 2:30 pm.

No problem, I�ll give it to him.

Thank you very much.

Kiddo,

do you watch a lot of movies?

Yes.

According to you, who is the David Lynch of porno?

Joe D'Amato or Rob Black?

I�m not an expert on pornography, but I can do the research

if you want me to. -Take a wild guess.

I really couldn't base that decision on a wild guess.

If you want, I can come back and tell you tomorrow.

Why tomorrow?

The human brain is able to make

only 25 informed and rational decisions a day.

All decisions after that are like throwing a dice.

I've already made 17 decisions, and it's not even 2 o'clock yet.

Gimme a hug, you nutter. -Sorry, but I'm oversensitive to touch.

All right.

I�ve got to go, mustn't be late.

Thank you very much. You're good people, all 3 of you.

Here is a new business idea. Waste management.

At least, there are shitloads of rubbish in this city.

No, a Skopje native wouldn't do that.

I�m sure it�s a student from the countryside.

Or, if he�s from Skopje--

No, no, this definitely doesn't look like

something a Skopje native would do.

Poor old Militsa, while you�re flapping your wings

200 times per second, some dunce is embarrassing the whole city.

Hey, Bobby has prepared lunch for me.

Where have you been?

I overslept.

You needn't have bothered. I do it all by myself anyway.

This conversation's making me sick.

It's like listening to my mother.

Don't you dare mention your mother.

The fact that you were in a band together

doesn't make her your mother. She was my mother.

Go to your spot, you have a customer.

You�re not Snezhana (Snow White). You�re the evil stepmother.

Have you got yoyo? -Only 2 more halves.

I�ll have some new stuff tomorrow.

Two's fine.

Under the pillow.

2 UNDER THE PILLOW

Hello. -Under the pillow. Take 2.

Thank you. -You�re welcome.

Excuse me, you work for GynoMedica, don�t you?

Why is it important where I work?

I have an NGO for helping children with special needs.

I'd like to ask you to fix me a meeting with the owner

LEFT SOCK 1000 I'd like to ask you to fix me a meeting with the owner

LEFT SOCK 1000 of your hospital. It's about a donation.

This is not the best time for such a conversation.

All right, I�ll ring you at some better time.

Can I stroke the baby?

Bobby miscalculated. No junk. Out of stock.

I don�t want the money. I want junk.

I told you. We've run out.

Don't fuck about with me. I need junk.

You want to look like him in 5 years� time?

Why the fuck do you care what I'll look like?

Give me the goods I paid for.

Do you want your mother to sit here like me

dealing together with you? Take your money back.

All right, then. I�ll get it from someone else.

Think of your mother.

Fuck you. You know nothing about my mother.

What are you doing? -What am I doing?

Why did you send him away? -Because he was a child.

If you do this again, I�ll start dealing on my own.

You will deal on your own and stay clean?

I'm as clean as a whistle.

Then why were you buying a 5 cc syringe with an insulin needle?

Do you have spies in all the fucking pharmacies?

And it wasn't me.

Just leave me alone.

Snowie, c'mon, sell the flat.

Let's not faff about with peanuts.

I'll never pay it back with this loan shark�s interest.

Did I give you all I had in the bank?

Did I sell the weekend house?

The new car? The guitars?

I'm even dealing with you.

But I'm not sleeping under a bridge.

Is that so? Fuck me?

Yes, it is so. Fuck you.

Where're you going? -To get new stuff.

Call me, we�ll cut it together.

I'll come, you hear me?

Don't break my balls that you do it all by yourself. I'll come.

MACEDONIA HAS LOST ITS GREATEST ARTIST

IN THE END, ALL LEGENDS LEAVE WITHOUT ANSWERS--

U'LL BE SORELY MISSED, LET THE ANGELS GUARD U, WILL MISS U 4EVER

HEY, GRIEVING FANS, HAVE YOU BEEN TO ANY OF HIS EXHIBITIONS?

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO TELL US HOW TO EXPRESS SORROW OR RESPECT?

MACEDONIA'S BURNING, AND YOU HATE EACH OTHER ABOUT TATEOVSKY

@MINISTRYOFCULTURE EXPRESS THEIR DEEPEST CONDOLENCES TO THE FAMILY AND FRIENDS

Where do I know this milf from?

She's Bobby the smackhead's godmother.

The guy who used to break up with other people's partners

for 500 denars? -You know him? -No, only the story of him.

Do you know him?

From telly.

He was a child actor in the series 'Eenie meenie miney mo'.

You should get to know him. He can teach you

a trick or two about doing business. -I'll go get a beer.

Hey, Gorazd.

Have you got any stickers? -Hey, Marko.

I do. Come and sit over here.

Let's see what you've got. -Kiddo,

how much for a sachet? -40 denars.

Tomorrow I'll emigrate somewhere where they

don't exchange stickers and where they don't sell boza.

Have you decided where?

I'm wavering between London and Barcelona.

You need a visa for London. -Visa, huh?

Then fuck the sarcastic snobs who drink 5 o'clock tea

and play cricket in the rain. I don't fucking need them.

They exchange stickers in Barcelona.

Why don't you just shut up, kiddo?

It�s an unwritten rule that the album must be completed

before the World Cup starts. -I�ve heard this story a million--

The morning before the opening of the 1990 World Cup in Italy

the only sticker I needed was Frantisek Straka from Czechoslovakia.

At the last minute, a kid came to the school yard,

I'd never seen him before, with this thick bundle of doubles.

We exchanged stickers and I completed it.

What a great fucking achievement.

You know who the child was? -Nikola.

What�s the news on your passport?

Are you taking the piss? -You're just about ready

to move to Barcelona? How will you do that

without a passport? -I'll get one, what's the problem?

Have you got an appointment? -Stop picking on me, mate.

He's bothering me about being late, the kiddo's bothering me

about the stickers, and now you about the passport.

I won't go anywhere. I don't feel like being chased by bulls,

dancing the flamenco or drinking fucking sangria.

Leave me alone.

Hey, number 1. -But I�ll take 2 in exchange for number 1.

That's all right, take 2.

Hey,

don't you have the feeling that the end is near?

End of what?

End of everything. Of life as it should be.

I don�t get it.

I don�t get it too how everything has managed to go to the dogs

without us noticing.

Don�t you see this abnormal normalcy?

Don�t you get how difficult is to stay human

among the mutants all around us?

Mates, we�re the last ones.

I thought I was always the last.

Kiddo, I�ll give you a slap. This time I mean it.

Why don�t you poison it?

That�s not such a bad idea. Where do I get the poison?

All pharmacies for farmers store it. Ask for 'Lanate'.

Just do it at night.

Saturday night is the best. -Why?

So that you can be sure it�s dead.

Otherwise there'll always be some idiot that'll take it to a vet.

I have to go now. -Bye.

Hello.

I assume the guitars have gone.

One thing troubles me, Madam Snow White.

The 7 dwarfs.

They all have a defect, don�t they?

Lacking a growth hormone or some such. Something genetic.

I get it so far.

But I don�t get the parents.

They make a dwarf child.

All right, bad luck, no problem.

They try again. A dwarf again.

All reasonable people would've stopped at that.

But no, they try for the 3rd time.

A dwarf again.

Is there any logic in doing it a 4th time? No.

They try for the 4th time.

A dwarf again.

The 5th time. A dwarf. The 6th. A dwarf.

The 7th. A dwarf again.

Are they nuts, or what?

What the fuck am I?

A PE teacher or a philosopher?

You're off-putting.

Let me ask you a question.

Why don't you give up on that kid? What do you need this shit for?

You're a doctor, a respectable lady. If they get you, you'll lose it all.

Your career, your freedom, your reputation.

All of your money you've already lost. And the guitars too.

The kid's gonna drop dead anyway, sooner or later.

May I?

Am I slightly less off-putting now? -No.

May I?

Have you got kids of your own? -No.

How come?

Mr Teacher, do you know the shortest story by Hemingway?

No.

For sale: baby shoes, never worn.

This is some sort of riddle.

What?

We�ve lost a baby?

A miscarriage?

We're infertile?

Too old? -Why give birth to a child?

To live in this world that you and I will leave for her?

Have you got any children?

The goods are ready.

What's this thing with the fires? -What?

The fires?

Marko's grandpa has a theory that it�s the opposition

starting these fires to lower the government's ratings.

They know they're not able to put them out. -No shit?

No. There's a law that says it's legal to fell a semi-burnt tree.

First they start the fire and then they fell the trees legally, for firewood.

Wow. Fucking hell.

The mushroom gatherers also start fires.

They believe more mushrooms grow after fires.

Unlike you, these people have business sense.

Hello. -Good evening, son. It's Aunt Slavka.

Hello Aunt Slavka, how are you? -Not too bad.

That son of mine, is he with you? -Yes, he is. I'll give him the phone.

Your mother. -I got that. Tell me, mum?

Some Djemail from Afghanistan has called, looking for you.

Jamaal? -I don�t know. Djemail or something like that.

He spoke English, we could barely understand each other.

He said you should call him immediately. -All right. Bye.

The one in the suit.

The one I told you was asking for an address.

When you brought the pinball. -Oh, yes.

Well, he wasn�t asking for an address.

He asked if I wanted to sell the video store.

Sell it, mate. 20 years. Enough is enough.

They want to reopen it as a betting shop. What do you think?

I bought the pinball for the video store.

Sell it, mate. Pinball included. Don't fucking hesitate.

No, I�m not selling it.

But if I sell it, I'll be able to spend about 5 or 10,000 Euros

on bribing someone to get me a very good civil service job.

The only place the likes of you can bribe their way is in prison.

Everybody's doing it. What am I, a dunce?

You're not a dunce. You're an amateur.

Let�s bring the pinball inside. -Why bring the pinball inside?

Someone might nick it. -Who�ll nick it? It weighs a ton.

The leftover money I could invest in some business,

or I could just put it in a bank. -Or you could just put it in a bank.

Or I can buy few months' supplies of medicines for your mother.

What about not selling it at all?

As you know, at the end of this warm, relaxed and eventful day

my curiosity led me to a place I should have avoided.

How did I fail to notice they were fake coppers?

I could've given them a good thrashing on the spot.

They did behave like fucking real ones.

I�d envisaged my death as a more glamorous affair,

to be eaten by a Dionaea muscipula, a carnivorous plant, for example,

but nothing can be done about it, it is what it is--

We love you Enzo. Please don't leave.

I have to go, Bobby. One day you'll understand

why I have to leave.

Mummy, Enzo's leaving. Tell him to stay.

Enzo must leave, sweetie. Enzo is not an ordinary piglet.

He knows things that we, the other Earthlings, do not know.

Enzo needs to warn humanity.

Otherwise, everything will collapse.

Hey, call an ambulan--

Enzo doesn't love us.

That's not true, my love.

Hard times are coming Bobby and Enzo knows that.

People will become alienated. Friendships will die.

Human closeness will disappear. Love will vanish.

Enzo left to prevent that.

Bobby. Bobby.

Bobby. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6--

To prevent what, mummy?

First we�ll forget how to love. Then we�ll stop distinguishing

the truth from the lies. Good from evil.

Eventually we will destroy the planet.

Can Enzo prevent that, mummy?

You can be certain of one thing, my dearest,

if there exists someone who can prevent the catastrophe,

if there exists someone who can save love, it�s our Enzo.

I hate Enzo.

Bobby.

Bobby, you are walking.

Happy birthday, Tsetse.

Thank you, sweetie.

'Poison'? Thank you, kitten.

Mate, have you ever watched Candid Camera?

Smile and wave at the 'policeman' over there with the candid camera.

No hard feelings, right? -No, no problem.

What hard feelings? No hard feelings? -No, no, not at all.

Mate, wait. No.

Give us a high five.

No hard feelings, right? -No, not at all.

Give us a high five. High five.

This business has gone to the dogs too.

You know who do you look like?

Like the Elephant Man. By David Lynch.

What do you think you look like?

Like Divine from 'Pink Flamingoes'. By fucking John Waters.

It�s me again. In my first afterlife scene.

Lucky for you the death is not the end, otherwise you�d never know

what happened with the artist and the radio host.

SATURDAY, 04:09

SUNDAY, 04:09

MONDAY, 04:09

TUESDAY, 04:09

I don�t have a number, but I'll give you the address

where I deliver her wool.

WEDNESDAY (DAY OFF), 04:08

THURSDAY, 04:09

FRIDAY, 04:09

So?

Hello.

Igor.

I heard it on the radio.

Really?

Are you all right?

Yes.

Do you want to have a drink somewhere? -No.

Why?

I hate people.

You have a lovely voice. You should speak more.

You don't know how much I speak. It's your turn to speak now.

You remind me of Miranda Kerr a bit.

From 'Victoria's Secret'. -I know who Miranda Kerr is.

Really?

What's your name?

Maya.

Good.

It's a big deal to meet someone.

It's like discovering a new planet.

What's there on your planet?

At the moment or in general?

Both.

At the moment I'd like to buy some object.

That�s impossible right now,

but I'll be able to later on, when the shops open.

It should be small enough to fit in a rucksack,

not more expensive than 2000 denars,

to be designed to be used many times,

to be used both at home and outdoors,

to have a rotating part, to 'click',

to relieve me from stress, to be black and white

and to make me forget about time.

And in general, there are 10 people I admire

and I know everything about them.

Johann Sebastian Bach, Mahatma Gandhi, Akira Kurosawa,

Benjamin Franklin, Kazimir Malevich, Wislawa Szymborska,

Sam Peckinpah, Blazhe Koneski, Kircho Arsovski and Steve Reich.

These are the things I know incredible amounts about,

but without admiration.

Films, literature, music, media, politics,

celebrity gossip, especially supermodel gossip,

food supplements, TV ads, computers, NBA,

and the culture and history of Western Europe.

I know a million names and years.

Do you know the story about Pope Eugene III

and the double Thursday?

Pope Eugene III travelled to Paris in 1147

and was supposed to arrive on Friday, a fasting day, but he was late.

To not appear unreliable, he pronounced

an additional Thursday for that week only

and arrived in Paris on Friday. On time.

But on Saturday, in fact.

I know a million such things.

I know who�s got the largest feet in the NBA � the Lopez twins--

All right, you�re not on air.

You freaked me out the other night.

You were not asleep?

I pretended.

Sorry. -Are you always such a creep?

It was my first time.

I could've killed you.

Because you hate people or because I trespassed?

For both reasons.

What do you mean both? -Just both.

For 2 years

I haven't communicated directly with people.

I don't leave the house unless necessary.

For 2 years I haven't looked anyone straight in the eyes.

That's how I mean both.

You live on your own?

Yes.

How do you feed yourself?

Deliveries.

How do you earn a living?

My folks died in a car crash. I sold the house. I live off the money.

I'm sorry.

Why? You didn't even know them.

And whose is the prefab house?

It belonged to my late grandmother. Are you sorry for her too?

It's not safe to keep so much money at home.

I keep it in a bank.

How do you get it out of the bank?

At night, from cash machines.

My bank card expired yesterday.

It will be a fuss.

I have to collect the new one in person at a counter.

I see. I feel the same when I have to have a blood test.

I can try to think of a solution if you want.

You can try.

What are you going to do when you run out of money?

Have you been to Japan?

Neither have I. But I know that there are many like you there.

Over a million.

They call them hikikomori.

Acute social withdrawal.

In England they call them recluses.

Many writers were recluses or hikikomoris.

Salinger, Thomas Pynchon, Marcel Proust, Emily Bronte,

Gustave Flaubert, the chess-player Bobby Fischer,

the painters Paul Cezanne and Jackson Pollock,

the actress Greta Garbo, the pianist Glenn Gould,

the director Jean-Luc Godard, the scientists Marie Curie and Nikola Tesla--

Hikikomori, wasn�t it?

Yes.

Cool. I have hikikomori.

You are hikikomori. And I have OCD and synesthesia.

Well done.

Why well done?

Sarcasm.

I don�t understand sarcasm.

Well, I don�t understand OCD and that other thing.

Synesthesia.

What�s that?

There are many types of synesthesia.

Mine is lexical-gustatory.

When the words smell.

What does the word 'Maya' smell like?

Like yoghurt and jelly beans with traces of wax.

It�s a pleasant aroma.

That�s why I said it was good that your name was Maya.

What does 'Victoria's Secret' smell like?

Waffle with lemon.

And 'hikikomori'?

Like carrots from a tin with traces of smoked cheese.

You are not inventing this?

I can�t lie.

If I try, immediately something makes me tell the truth.

How come you withdrew?

It was gradual,

but it was too much in the end.

I lost all my family.

My best friend moved to Germany.

My relatives wanted to contest the houses I inherited.

My boyfriends broke up with me when I was hit the hardest.

I couldn�t find a decent job.

Less and less I wanted to leave the house.

I liked communicating with only a few people.

I preferred the phone,

not having people coming to my house, or having to go out.

I got insomnia. I didn�t sleep for weeks.

My last boyfriend broke up with me through another person.

Bobby or some such. A breaking up professional.

A junkie who charged 500 denars to break up

with someone else's girlfriend on the phone

and a 1000 denars in person.

My boyfriend went for the 500 option.

The night when I decided to stop communicating

I finally slept.

Are you aware now of your privilege?

Yes.

Why me?

I thought that you might be an exciting planet.

And the thought has proven to be correct.

How has it proven so?

I can easily imagine what could happen in the future.

It starts all by itself, automatically.

Images suddenly start appearing and I start imagining.

I can see her in all possible situations.

The first kiss, the flat we might share,

the pension in Segovia in which we might stay

for 2 nights while travelling through Spain,

how she's going to be even more beautiful when pregnant,

the school that our child might attend,

how my OCD gets worse,

how we�re filing for divorce and how things get better again.

All this can happen without me even knowing that girl.

This can simply happen while I'm sitting in a cafe.

A girl might walk on the pavement and it all might start by itself.

Have you imagined such things about the two of us?

No.

I have.

Look at me.

Look me in the eye, not to the right of me.

Longer.

You can come closer.

You are allowed to blink if you feel like blinking.

You don�t have to if you don�t feel like it.

THREE DAYS LATER

I'll go to the loo briefly. I'll be with you in a jiffy.

Hurry up. We're late again. -Running.

Hello. -Hello. -Hello. -How are you? -Hello.

Hello. Sorry I'm late.

I was so nervous, I had to change 3 times.

I see that we're going to have an interesting presentation.

Maria, could you please close the window, it smells of smoke.

May I start? -Yes, you may.

Thank you for the creative challenge and the opportunity to have

our team work on yet another exciting campaign for your brand.

As you can guess from my outfit, today we will talk about--

fish.

Our campaign's hero is

a little fish.

A sweet and tiny, colourful, beautiful little fish.

Although it looks naive and innocent at first glance,

our hero is a fucked up and mean little fish

who steals from those who�re closest to him.

We envisage the video segment of the campaign

as a series of animated TV ads.

In the first episode, our hero

steals his little sister's wig.

She has lost all her hair

as a result of a chemotherapy.

There he is.

How was it? -Smooth.

Have you applied for a passport? -Yes.

An appointment in 2 weeks.

Did you go to the notary?

Contract signed, money transferred. All done.

Let's celebrate then.

Let's celebrate my last fucking presentation.

And my first fucking steady job in Afghanistan.

And my--

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. Amen.

God have mercy.

I'm late, aren't I?

I overslept, fuck it.

What the fuck's wrong with you? Why're you throwing shit at me?

Fucking idiot, for fuck's sake.

Well, what a problem.

And now?

Who's going to pay for the holy service?

To pay you for what? -For the service I performed.

How'd I know? The crazy bitch, I guess.

Well, what a problem.

The most widely known one is Nat Tate.

He was invented by David Bowie some 20 years ago.

Now I understand,

Nat Tate - Nathaniel Tateovsky.

Yes, Tateovsky is my kitsch alter-ego.

Please straighten out your arm.

Bravo.

I can�t understand how there can exist something non-existent.

Well, it doesn�t.

I just manipulated the public into believing that it does.

Never mind, he has now even stopped existing officially.

I killed him.

How did you kill him?

I tweeted that he had died.

You�re so strange. How do you come up with things like that?

There, it�s done.

Now please bend your arm at the elbow.

Bravo.

Daddy, look. -Bravo, sweetheart, bravo.

How the fuck did they manage to carry it away?

Doesn�t matter.

I got it for the video store, and now the video store is gone.

Hey, Gorazd. Have you got any stickers?

I've collected them all.

For me? All of them?

Thanks. Grandpa, see how many stickers Gorazd gave me.

Come on.

Are you all right?

I'm sorry.

It won�t do you any good if I do your checkups.

Get yourself another gynaecologist.

What happened?

The harder I try, the more damage is done.

I'm sorry.

What would you like the most?

Everything to be all right.

Don�t you like me the most?

No.

Not yet. But I think that I'm getting there.

You can�t tell a lie, can you?

I might learn. -Please, don�t.

I lied to you once.

Really?

When?

When you asked me how I earn my living.

So?

I make some meagre sums.

I sell worn underwear to fetishists online.

A DHL courier is coming today to collect some panties.

This must be the DHL guy.

It wasn�t DHL.

It was FedEx.

For you.

What is it?

An object.

There is a rotating part,

it 'clicks',

it will relieve you from stress.

Thank you very much.

It can fit in a rucksack and can be used many times.

It can be used indoors and outdoors. It's black and white.

It didn't cost more than 2000 denars, right?

It didn't.

I have a feeling as though everything is all right.

What does 'all right' smell like?

Like a Georgian red wine.

Kindzmarauli.

So, that's it?

That's it.

NATASHA PETROVIC

DAVID JANAKIEV

SASHKO KOCEV

IVICA DIMITRIJEVIC

DENIZ ABDULA

VERICA NEDESKA

VALENTIN KOSTADINOVSKI

Written & Directed by KRISTIJAN RISTESKI

Produced by DARKO POPOV

Produced by KRISTIJAN RISTESKI & JOVICA PANOVSKI

Co-produced by CONSTANTINOS NIKIFOROU & EFKLIDES PAPADOPOULOS

Cinematographers DIMO POPOV & SEVDIJE KASTRATI

Edited by GORAN VUKIK

Here we are, drinking Darjeeling and eating baklava

I'm actually sipping the sherbet

'cause we flies have a tube instead of a mouth.

I never explained how come a toilet bowl can speak.

That�s the element in this story that will forever remain a mystery.

A YEAR LATER MAYA AND IGOR DECIDED

TO SPEND THE REST OF THEIR LIVES TOGETHER.

ANOTHER YEAR LATER THEIR AUTISTIC CHILD WAS BORN.

IN AFGHANISTAN DEYAN MANAGED TO SIGN AN AGREEMENT

FOR PRE-PAID BURIAL SERVICES WITH THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF DEFENCE.

THE THREE OF THEM ARE AMONG THE 100 RICHEST MACEDONIANS TODAY.

SNOW WHITE DIDN'T DIE AT THE END

AND BOUGHT HER GUITARS BACK.

THE TOILET BOWL LIED ABOMINABLY

AND NEVER FULFILLED SALE'S AND BOBBY'S 3 WISHES.