Original subtitles

Hi, Grandpa.

Today, I want to do something really special for both my grandpas.

I thought a family fun day would be perfect.

I love them, but they are constantly fighting for my love and attention.

Not that I'm mad about that.

I kind of like all the attention I get from them.

But lately, I've noticed them looking at me differently.

I can't blame them.

I know they're both pretty lonely since neither of my grandmas are around

anymore.

Today, I want them both to know I love them equally, and I'll do whatever it

takes for them to realize that.

We're planning a little family fun day. You know, you, me, Grandpa Dick, maybe

some friends?

Not quite as fun to be around.

Do you need any help?

And have you ruined the surprise?

I don't think so.

Hey.

Ah, Dick.

What are you two scheming over here?

I'm thinking of making a little family fun day party for us.

Oh.

Okay, well.

I mean,

I am the fun grandpa, you know, unlike Grandpa Jack over there.

You know, he's getting a little up there.

Well, if you think you can help, do you want to look over the guest list with

me? You know, I was thinking maybe we would just keep it kind of small, you

know, friends and family.

Be more personal.

Are you kidding me?

Come on.

It's a party, right?

Go big, okay? You gotta go big.

Make it a night to remember.

Okay, well, both of these are good ideas. I'll consider them both, but for

I need some quiet and official planning.

Tell you what, why don't we get some coffee? My favorite, but I need a break.

Coffee?

Really? Come on.

Let's get you a snack.

Okay? Let's get you a snack.

Okay.

Okay. Why don't I get my own coffee and you guys can sit tight and we'll see you

later.

Well, my granddaughter kind of knows me quite well. Young woman, isn't she?

You know what I'm talking about.

I don't know.

I don't know.

If your son has told her that

she's adopted.

Not that I know of. Is it your daughter?

Look, if your son has not told her by now that she's adopted, I'm sure that

my daughter has.

God, why you ask?

Come on.

Jack, come on. The way you look at her.

Don't tell me you never.

What?

No!

Yeah, exactly.

I mean, not like, you know, years ago, but now it's a little different. You

know, she's all grown up now.

Mm -hmm.

I'm sent to a little competition here.

Well, look.

Now, do you?

It's just like I'm just going to outclass you.

Okay?

So, yeah, this has a little bit of competition.

That's what I'm putting out there.

All right. So what?

First one to get her to go to first base means buffet Sunday at the church.

Okay. Early bird special? Yeah, maybe Sunday's best.

We'll see you there. Now that was a deal.

Why don't you go see what she's doing?

the easiest free blog that I've ever made.

I've got some more stuff for you. Oh, thank you.

Yeah, can I give you a hand with anything?

Sure, will you hold me with these pillows?

Oh, thank God.

Hold on.

Let's get this one right. That one goes back there, sweetheart. Way back there.

That's good. Yeah.

Well, come here.

Sit.

Grab a seat. Grab a seat.

Oh, you're working so hard.

I think we're going to have fun, though. Yeah, you know. You're exhausted.

You're tired.

You want to come here? Let me rub those feet of yours again.

Oh.

Yeah? Oh, that feels nice. Thank you. Yeah, you like that? I like Grandpa.

He'll help you out here.

You're so good to me. You work so hard, darling.

I think it's going to be a good party.

Yeah, I think it's straightened up to look pretty decent so far.

Yeah, I think we're going to have a good time.

How does that feel?

That feels really nice.

That feels nice.

Yeah.

Oh, what's going on here?

Oh. Hi, Chris. I'm Dick.

Dick. Well, what do you think?

Elegant?

Sophisticated? We're all ready for a party, aren't we? Yeah, horse shit.

Don't you let our girl do her thing.

Okay?

You old fucking vulture.

You don't know what the hell you're talking about.

Oh, that's so nice.

You know, you haven't been the same since your stroke last summer. You know,

surprised you remember I had a stroke last summer. What, is that another

dementia joke?

Oh, my God, enough!

Yeah, well, you know what? I'll tell you. How's your knees doing? Are you

to walk up all the way up to the top of the stairs in the big boy's plane? Fine,

I'm doing my operation. Okay, enough, enough.

together sometime. Oh, yeah.

Come on. Why don't you just both... Help me.

We can work together.

Oh, God. That's so good.

Come on.

Anything you say. Whatever you want. Thank you. Anything.

Shortcake.

That's so good. Okay.

I'm going to go grab the lemonade and the... Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You guys just

work together. Help me out here.

How is that?

What? Are you just going to come barging in every time I'm trying to get

somewhere? Uh, yeah.

I mean, if that's the way it's going to be. I mean, that is the way it's going

to be. I'm not cheating.

That's not cheating. How do you think? Good for sportsmanship.

Yeah, not good for sportsmanship. You've been the leader.

Well, you know what? My name is Dick.

Okay, so get used to it. God damn it.

Thank you.

You want to ask me what I want for Pop -Pops Day?

show you just a little bit.

Oh, hi, Grandpa. Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Sorry I'm running late, but I'll be out in a second.

Do you want to come in?

Absolutely. You good?

Yeah. Okay.

Hey, look.

Why don't we sit down? Okay.

So, I just wanted to kind of bring something up that's been on my mind.

Yeah?

So, you notice that, like, you know, your Grandpa Jack's been...

Kind of being a little different lately.

I mean, have you noticed that? I mean, it seems like he's kind of hovering

around you, kind of getting a little weird.

I mean, when you were little, I mean, we'd bounce you on our knees and

everything. But, I mean, come on. He's, like, giving you a foot rub now?

I guess I have kind of noticed that he's been looking at me a little bit

differently and, like, When I walk by, he kind of does this, like, cross -hunch

thing.

I don't know if he has, like, a stomachache going on.

Well, I mean, honestly, it's like you and I, like, we have a little bit of a

different relationship. I mean, ever since the car accident.

Yeah, I mean, your dentures fell in my mouth. Well, I mean, you saved my life.

mean, you gave me CPR. You gave me mouth -to -mouth. I mean, it was kind of

weird that, like, you know, I woke up coming back from the light.

There's your lips on my mouth. It was a little weird.

Yeah. By the way, you should probably clean your dentures a little bit more.

They're stinky.

I sometimes forget to take them out at night. I'm sorry.

You weren't expecting to die. But I mean, you know, it's, you know, we have

a little, I just wanted to make sure that like, you know, Grandpa Jack isn't

getting a little too, making you feel a little, you know.

Uncomfortable. Get a little Freudian.

What the hell is going on in here?

I can see what you're doing. You're trying to turn me against one.

What are you talking about?

It's just Claire's day. I was walking down the hallway. What are you talking

about? Oh, come on, Jack. Where are you talking? Get the hell out of here.

You're accusing me of all kinds of things. I'm not accusing you of nothing

you're not doing.

You're trying to fill Lana's head up with all kinds of crazy ideas like I'm

trying to be inappropriate.

Oh, come on.

You are being inappropriate.

You're over here. What do I have to do to get you guys to get along?

Come on. You're like animals.

Hey, Lana.

I suppose there's something we ought to tell you.

Okay. What?

Sure. Yeah, I mean... What?

Well, Dick and I kind of had a little friendly wager, a little bet.

You both have a gambling addiction. We don't need to be doing this. What was it

about?

No, no, no, no. It has nothing to do with a 401k that I lost, okay? It has

nothing to do with that. You gambled away.

Yeah.

Okay,

what was it about?

Damn Native Americans.

But anyway.

What was it about?

Well, kind of.

You know what? Why don't you?

Why don't you sit down?

I don't want to sit down. I want to know what the hell you guys made a bet

about. Sure, Kate, sit.

Oh, fine.

All right, spit it out.

Dick and I had a little wager, a little friendly bet amongst each other. You

know, it's been quite a while since we've been in the company of a woman.

We've been a little lonely.

So we made a bet.

A couple of years for me.

We're fighting for your attention, essentially.

Seeing which one of us could... I don't know how to put this. Oh, my God! You

guys had a bet on fucking me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We just made

bet that we would, you know... It's just a first base. I mean, you can't do...

It's at this age, honey, and, you know, it's been so long. You know, like...

Like, your grandmother's been gone from... Like, I've been so alone for

long time.

It's a stupid bunch of... A couple of old perverts, you know. That's harmless,

sweetheart. Sorry.

Oh, you pieces of shit.

Oh, I... Okay, no. Okay, you know what? Fine.

What?

We have 45 minutes until the guests come, and I really need to fucking come.

What? So, I'm going to give you guys a little Grandpa Day present, and you guys

and me can come. And we're going to fuck, okay?

Come on, Dick.

Okay.

Come on, Dick. Come on. Come here.

But I got to say, I got better dentures now.

Oh, God.

Not to pose like you've been cheating either.

Well, I mean, I am a widower.

Come on. I need to come now.

Well, you know what? I've already had those lips. I want those lips.

Why don't you let me get the weight for you.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh fuck.

Oh, yeah.

There you go.

There you go.

There you go.

This is so better than grandma's gummy boogers.

Oh, fuck, this is so good.

Oh, yes, fuck.

Oh,

fuck, yes, yes.

Oh,

fuck.

Oh my God.

I need a coffee now.

Turn around, sweetheart.

Oh, wait.

Oh, there you go.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

geez.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, that's so fucking good.

Oh, yes.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

He's fucking perfect.

Have a heart attack, right? No, no, no, no, no. Just making sure I'm in the

will? You got the golf cart?

Oh, yeah, no, don't worry.

You're in the will.

God, do it again. Do it again.

Do it again. Do it again. Yeah?

Okay. Okay.

Okay. How bad do you want to be in the world, huh? How bad do you want me to be

in my world? I want that stupid fucking golf cart. Yeah, you do. Yeah.

I want my house in the keys, too, huh? Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm going to turn around here.

I'm going to throw that pussy on the mic. I might actually do it.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Oh, I forget how experienced you guys are.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

fuck, yes. Oh, my God, right there.

Oh, my God.

Oh, don't fucking stop.

Don't fucking stop. That's the fuck.

Oh, my God.

You tell me when.

Right now?

Yeah.

Grandpa, I'm coming.

Grandpa, I'm fucking coming.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

fucking... Put those on.

Put those on. There you go.

Almost there.

Yeah, doesn't it?

Yes.

Wow,

you can't see for shit.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's it.

Oh, my God, yes.

Did my tights remind you of those hookers from the 70s?

Kind of what I was going for. It reminds me of war.

I don't know who you went to the war with.

I can't.

I can't ground it.

Switch.

Come.

Come here.

Oh, you're both a huge one.

I'm going to go to your doctor.

You two are going to get this checked.

Oh, my

God.

Are you going to come with Grandpa, Jack? Or are you just going to come with

Grandpa, Jack?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Oh, we're going to go.

Yeah.

Squat.

Break a hip, honey.

Come on.

Squat.

Oh, my

God.

I'm gonna rock you.

Oh, fuck. Yes, yes, yes.

Oh,

fuck.

Oh, shit.

Get it in there for yourself, because I want her for a minute.

Whatever you do, do not tell my dog.

But you can tell my dog.

Switch? No,

I want you both right here.

Right now.

Thank you.

Keep that thing right over your mind, honey.

Smack it.

I got data for you.

Move it back and forth.

Call everybody and fucking just fucking cancel this fucking call. Yeah, fuck

this fucking call. Get your fucking knees back up. I'm fucking from behind

Yeah.

Back that ass up.

Back that ass up right to me.

Right to me, right to me.

Yeah, here we go.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Oh,

fuck. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Fuck.

Don't you fucking tighten up on me. Oh, my God, you little fucking slut.

Oh, I knew you were a fucking jerk.

All those years I fucking knew you.

Huh? Huh,

Grandpa Jack, huh?

You knew all those years she was gonna be this fucking good.

Oh, fuck.

Fuck you.

Fuck you. Fuck

you.

Oh, your hips hurt.

Can I get your hip up real quick?

Aw,

thank you. I got shit hips and shit knees over here.

Nobody's going on a hike with me.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Oh, my God, yes. Fuck, don't stop. Don't stop. I'm going to cum.

That's it. That's it. Make her fucking cum.

Come on, Jack. Fucking do it.

Fuck,

yes. Fuck.

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

I just want to see the part of your ass.

There we go.

One leg under. One leg under.

No, no, no. One leg under. There you go.

One leg.

You guys did this in the war too?

Yeah, but there weren't very many girls around

Oh,

yeah.

Fuck it, let's hit you, you little fucking pervert.

How can you get a girl's panties?

They didn't look like that.

Was it 93?

No, that was in the 20s.

That was back in the 1900s.

Come here. Come on, eat my pussy. I want to come again.

Right here.

Right here.

We're being fucking perfect.

This is large.

Here we go. Why don't you hold your head up?

Hold your side.

You know what? You know what? Give me. Hold my neck.

Hold my neck.

There we go.

Yeah.

Here. I'll do it right for you.

Yeah.

Oh,

fuck.

Did you take out your dentures for that?

Oh, fuck.

Okay, I'm going to go.

Yes, you can.

Oh, my

God.

Fuck. Fuck.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah. Oh,

yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Come on, she'll kick as fast as you can go. Come on, here you go.

Keep going, keep going, keep going.

Oh, yeah, that's it.

Oh, fuck.

That's it.

All the way down, all the way down.

Here you go, here you go.

Oh, that's it. Keep going, keep going. Chew it like that.

Oh, yeah.

Loosen up, loosen up, loosen up.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

fuck yeah.

Yeah.

Oh my God, yeah.

Oh my

God, yeah.

Oh yeah.

Yeah, that's it.

thought your guys' dicks were just gonna cough up dust, but... That was really

good family fun time.

I love bonding with you.

Oh, sweetheart.

Can you get me the heating pad, honey?

Oh, yeah, you guys think you can finally fucking get along now?

Can you get me the heating pad?

Yeah, I think it's hit the wall again.

But, you know... Hey, pumpkin.

Huh?

Yeah, best granddad's day ever. Thank you.

There's your trophy.

You fucking pervert.