All language subtitles for Corona.Zombies.2020.720p.WEBRip.800MB.x264-GalaxyRG

Thank you.

Hey Kendra, what's up? Barbie, I've been
trying to get a hold of you all

morning. Where were you?

At the store.

The place was a full on crazy house.
They were out of like... Everything.

Sanitizer, disinfectant wipes, bleach.

Not a good time to be a germaphobe. Damn
straight.

Girl, this chick straight up tried to
karate chop me for the last pack of

paper. I was like, if you need it that
bad, take it, hooker.

Uh, Barbie, you need to turn on the
news.

News? Ew.

Symptoms of the coronavirus include sore
throat, headaches, fever, dry cough,

shortness of breath, and fatigue.

Coronavirus?

Is it a holiday?

Holiday?

Yeah. Why is everybody drinking beer?
The coronavirus, or COVID -19, is an

unprecedented and deadly strain
originating in Wuhan, China. Wuhan?

But I love that it wrapped group.

Citizens are asked to immediately
quarantine themselves and have as little

physical contact with one another as
possible. Complete isolation is the key

stopping the spread of this virus.

So like a typical Saturday night, then?
We repeat, signs that you may be

infected are a sudden fever, chill, sore
throat, aching joints, lack of energy,

and in some cases, moderate to severe
death. Death? Ladies and gentlemen, we

have some disturbing breaking news. That
sounds bad.

We are receiving confirmed reports that
the infected are somehow transforming

into violent and ravenous flesh eaters.

For lack of a better word, Corona
zombies.

Corona zombies?

Yeah, Corona zombies.

Why couldn't they be like Heineken
zombies?

That stuff is skunky.

Or like Chardonnay zombies.

I'll call you back.

Okay, be safe.

Breaking news.

We have just received shocking video of
what is believed to be ground zero of

the virus.

This was taken moments ago at the Wuhan
China Scrambles Soup Factory, where they

were testing their newest flavor, bat
soup.

Warning, this footage is disturbing.

Hurry! Shut down the goddamn soup pots
now!

Yes, Doc, down it here. Clam chowder.
Something's wrong, Chief. Look, the

kettles from Sector 9 are over
-pressurized.

Keep pushing. No use, sir. The seals in
the bathtub kettles have already burst.

Is it soup yet? We've got to cool off
the kettles or they're going to blow.

The cream of mushroom is scalding.

The minestrone is reaching meltdown.

Attention all emergency personnel.

Shift on, if you can. Meet me up on
sector nine. We've got to turn the heat

manually. And don't forget your gas
mask.

So, yeah, I'll see you there.

Look at this place.

I haven't seen this much smoke since
this noob dog got here.

Give it a rest, Derek.

Everyone, look for the manual shut -off
valve.

It's metal.

It's got like a little... What's it
called? The dial with the numbers.

There it is.

The only way to end this madness is to
turn the... What the... My God.

It's Jerry the Prep Cook's apron.

But where is he?

and the cherry I know. What have you
become?

Well, I hate to say I told you so, but I
never thought that soup was a good

idea.

I'd better cancel that two o 'clock
potato soup meeting.

People have been transformed into flesh
-eating zombies.

They're all dead, but...

Alive.

No!

Emergency! Emergency!

Accident on modular turret!

Emergency! Attention all Scrambles
employees.

Chef Donahue speaking.

Just a few quick announcements. First of
all, the company picnic on Saturday has

been cancelled. Bowling night will be
rescheduled until further notice. And oh

yeah, one more thing.

Run free alive. Splash heating coronas
on these have been unleashed. And are

currently taking over the world.

You're healthy.

you will probably go through a process
and you'll be fine.

Oh, my God.

You never should have given that woman
the last roll of toilet paper.

That was like rolled gold.

Hey!

have any toilet paper. People are
literally killing each other for a role

I think my garden hose might reach my
bathroom window.

Ew, you have paper towels.

Yeah, but then I would have to use
Vaseline.

That stuff is rough.

And I have sensitive skin.

Damn.

Wait.

of Corona zombies continues to multiply
by the hour.

Oh my god, are you seeing this?

What's happening now?

All the nail collars must be shut down.
Everyone's in need of a serious mani.

Yuck! The president has declared a
nationwide lockdown and a special task

the Corona Squad, has been assembled to
help protect America from the increasing

amount of hoarders and pirates, all of
whom are trying to capitalize on this

catastrophe.

Authorities warn that if you're one of
the idiotic people who are still

gathering in large crowds, immediately
take a long, hot, soapy shower and stop

touching your face.

as we are receiving word that the
immediate toilet paper shortage was in

caused by a hijacked cargo ship. We take
you now live to the scene as the Corona

Squad have cornered the hijacker and are
preparing to move in. Not now!

First of all, I want to make one thing
very clear.

The President wants us to take this guy
alive.

Capisce? Which means he and I... Catch
him as we go get a massage?

Let me try this again, Argento. The
thug's the only one who knows where the

stash is.

Though we locate the road, got him like
a fish. Just get him alive.

If we capture him, we'll be heroes.

I can finally get laid.

You got that right.

Every night.

I'd love to bang a Chinese midget.

You listen to me, you bastard.

Either my demands are met, or you can
keep wiping your butt goodbye for a very

long time.

Do you hear me? If I don't get five
million zillion dollars, a Russian

and a gift certificate of P .F. Chang,
it's over. You have ten minutes or my

hostage is dying.

Who is?

The Corona Squad, man.

The identity of the toilet paper
hijacker has been uncovered.

He's Claude Francois, a failed French
-Canadian gymnast who turned to a life

crime after not winning a Matt Dillon
look -alike contest.

Yes? Good.

We've just received word that satellite
photography has revealed that Francois'

mother's home may be the location where
the shipping containers of TP are

hidden. The Corona Squad are taking
their positions and hopefully bringing

harrowing moment in history to an end.

I'll return to Real Housewives of
Quebec.

Get in the corner!

Remember, whatever you do, take them
alive.

Shoot the son of a bitch.

Roll die.

They are storming the building. Get
down, Mr. Southfire.

Quick, out the window.

We are on the 21st floor.

To Corona Squad, you will all meet your
maker.

Watch your step.

He's running a smoke machine.

That's our grenade smoke, you asshat.

Hey, you fruity French freak!

Oops. We shot some of the hostages.

Where did you stash the toilet paper,
Francois?

You'll never find it. But you won't be
needing toilet paper. You're headed.

You

know,

he really does look like Matt Dillon.

We interrupt this broadcast for more
breaking news as the number of Corona

zombies continue to spiral out of
control.

Just moments ago, hordes of Corona
zombies converged at the Tits and Eagles

strip club in Cherry Hill, New Jersey,
just as headliner Miss Anne Howe and her

48s took the stage.

Dozens of patrons were injured and or
eaten as the undead flooded into the

business. Authorities say the death toll
would have been significantly lower had

many of the customers not insisted on
staying to try and catch part of Miss

Howe's bodacious act.

One victim was quoted as saying, yes,
there were Corona zombies everywhere,

did you get a load of that ass?

Please let this footage be a reminder to
everyone watching.

Social distancing, washing your hands,
and most certainly steering very clear

bad soup is the new norm in our world.

I get Corona.

At the end of the day, I'm not going to
let it stop me from partying. I think

they're blowing it way out of
proportion.

I think it's doing way too much. So
we're just hanging out with them and

to get drunk before everything closes.

According to our satellite, dozens of
semi -trucks have been making drop -offs

to a house not far from here. I predict
we find that GP stash before nightfall.

Let's hope so. But Francis was right.

We'd better move fast before we're
outnumbered by Corona zombies.

Corona Squad to headquarters.

We're moving in.

10 -4, Corona Squad. Good luck out
there.

The world is counting on you. At your
service, Commander.

Buckle up. Let's do this.

Let's make it quick. I'm starting to get
a bad feeling about this.

Let's roll.

Hold on.

Sorry. I'm not used to a thick ship.

Careful, he's picky at it again.

Dammit, I told you we should have
enrolled him in private school.

There's too much biting in the public
school system.

I can't believe you insisted you come to
work with me.

Bring your kid to work today, my ass.

Excuse me, driver. Is this going to be
long?

You just sit up back there.

You want full service? You should have
called an Uber.

Supplemented income, my ass.

I should have listened to my mother and
never married a wannabe rock star. John

Broad, I'm telling you, White Thunder,
it's about to break. Why can't you just

support my goals and dreams for once in
your pathetic goddamn life?

Oh no, it would be too much to have to
have you encouraging and cheering me on.

Doesn't matter that I've supported you
all these years.

I want a goddamn divorce.

Driver, let's get moving, please.

Oh, sure, lady. Pile on.

Naturally, the famous Barbara Jensen,
lady reporter, has no sympathy for a

struggling musician.

Oh, you two may be living in your own
bubble of fame with your investigative

reporting and sucking up to politicians.

That's it. I'm calling Uber.

Do yourself a favor and dump him.

Smile, Barbara. Say cheese.

We have to call a car.

Just a little pre -roll before you help
find a cure for the Corona zombie.

Now smile for me, baby.

I need a moment to myself.

Yes, of course you do. Go ahead. Give me
my thumb all the time.

I'll be right back sweet babies.

Excuse me, are you okay?

Father?

Father?

Mom?

Hi, sexy ace reporter.

Tell us how you're going to try and help
end all this corona madness.

If anybody can do it, you can.

Are you kidding on me in the workplace?

Yeah, I suppose I am.

You're not going to get all Me Too on me
now, are you?

Zach, I love your band.

The Corona zombies have already

spread to the countryside.

My God, they're hideous.

Listen to them.

They kill like monsters.

Are you sure they're Corona? They look
like they're drugged out of their mind.

Maybe Charlie Sheen has a summer home
around here.

I don't know.

I couldn't say.

Francois' mother's house is right over
those mountains.

We'll take that road up there.

Let's do that.

What if the old broad is armed? What do
we do?

We'll take her out just like we did her
son.

Now let's hit the road.

Stop grinding those gears.

Dad, Dad.

What are we going to do?

Don't make any sudden moves. We have to
be very careful about this.

You're right.

Right down the middle.

This isn't her house.

Must be further down the road.

Let's check those empty buildings for
any clues.

Let me know if you find any old panties.

Start the car.

Start the car.

Isn't that Barbara Jensen from the news?
Hey, what's wrong?

The Corona zombies have migrated north.

They're just around the corner. They
were coming right for us.

Argento, Shemp, go check it out.

Yes, Commander.

Follow my lead, Shemp. And whatever you
do, do not cough near me.

What's wrong, man? Spit it out!

The kid.

He's...

This guy also drives for Grubham.

Come on, kid.

You're due for a serious timeout.

Corona Squad, freeze!

Get down on your knees, now!

No, hold it. We've got to test them
first.

Test three positive!

That'll teach you to not wash your
hands.

Back off!

Haven't you heard of social distancing?

Six feet, kid!

Six feet!

He's a zombie!

How dare you defy me by dancing!

These mothers have more lives than I do.

I'll never lick another doorknob as long
as I live.

next time.

These have been eating pancakes.

Let's put a cherry on top.

Miss?

Miss?

Miss?

Your turn.

You sure the quarantine is over by the
end of April?

Madam? I've got to get some hydrogen
peroxide on that.

I think we should have some meth on.

Or some hand gel, at the very least.

All right, squad, here's the plan.

We go to Francois' mother's house to see
if that's where the toilet paper is

stashed. I've got to get to the native
village.

The shaman there might hold the key to
curing this.

Then we'll stop by on the way.

Hey, my brother, do you need your
windshield washed?

Who knew there was one remaining native
village right smack in the middle of

Baltimore?

It's a tribe, not unlike the Amish.

They're holding on to their ancient
customs.

And this reporter, do you think they
might hold the key?

We're certainly going to find out. We've
got to stop this coronatastrophe one

way or the other. Just think, soon this
will all be over, and we'll be back to

body shaving.

And working out naked in front of a
mirror. Where the hell did they come

I'm not sure, but something tells me
they haven't sprayed that boat with

all in a very long time.

All right, I say we break up into two
groups and escort her in.

Let's do this. No time to waste.

We've got to make a plan.

Those drumbeats sound hostile. One wrong
move and they could capture us, or

worse. God, what if they time me and
beat me?

Come on, how dangerous can they possibly
be?

If they decided you were their enemy,
they could easily take all of you out.

These indigenous people are very
advanced despite their culture.

There's good reason they've survived the
wilds of Baltimore for all these years.

You seem quite infatuated, lady.

I don't like your tone, Mr. Stupid Blue
Hat.

What the hell are you projecting?

You tell me.

Enough now.

How should we get you in there?

I'm going in alone.

I know what they'll respond to.

I really know how to start a
conversation.

Drive slowly.

Try to blend in to the scenery.

Our modern vehicles and cultured
mannerisms may startle them.

Unlike the Amish, these natives are
cannibals. And face it, she's good

Whoa, this broad really knows how to
commit to a cause.

Nothing like a tight ass and a face full
of clown makeup to help try and solve a

worldwide pandemic.

She just might find a cure.

Didn't I see these guys perform at
Knott's Berry Farm?

Are you sure this is a good idea?

We're sending a naked woman to the
jungles of Baltimore.

What could possibly go wrong?

I hope she's wearing sunblock. I'm going
to meet them. Come back in an hour. And

no peeking.

Hey, what up, girl?

I wish I had a swing like that on my
front porch.

Hey, baby.

Baby, where'd you get all that?

You better work, honey.

Why are you waving crops, white girl?

Breaking news as the murder and mayhem
unfolds at the Tits and Yiggles Strip

Club in Sherry Hill, New Jersey, as
hordes of Corona zombies continue to

the horny bastards that continue to
ignore the quarantine order.

This footage should be reason enough for
you to please stay at home and help

flatten the curve, no matter how
desperate you are to see a naked woman.

About the virus that's transforming
humans at such an astonishing rate.

More importantly, how should you react
should you find yourself in the present?

Hello? Is anybody there?

I don't have anything you want.

Nothing of value, anyway.

No money.

No jewelry.

Yeah.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

We return now

to our live remote cameras as the Corona
Squad has launched a search for our

star reporter, Barbara Jensen.

Where the hell is she?

She should have been back by now.

She's gotta be... getting cold.

Maybe she's on her way back.

It's either that or dead.

You ever spend time alone in the bushes?

I don't go that route.

Let's go back.

Maybe she's waiting for us at the
convoy.

Hey, uh, do you, uh, smell prosciutto?

Mother of God, look at that!

Gil, suppose this belongs to her. She
did have manhand.

Who's that?

Hey, buddy, come down from there or I'll
shoot.

He's dead, you moron.

Is that one of the Corona zombies?

We're not staying around to find out.
Let's haul out.

Let's roll.

This place is crawling with those
things.

They're throwing bodies into the trees.

My God.

You led them right for us.

Either that or we're about to experience
a gospel brunch.

This is the perfect opportunity to get
that B -roll I was hoping for. Get in

car! Hey, unhand me, you brute!

This is my shot at the big time.

It's worth losing the limit, too.

Yanni!

Yanni! Come back!

Yanni!

Yanni!

Come back!

No promotion is worth this!

What? the camera. Make your lips daddy.

Make love to the lens like your
stepdaughter's mom just passed away.

That's it, boys.

Start the car.

We're not leaving here.

I said start the car, Shemp.

Yanni, this is suicide.

Now let's lose those shirts, fellas.
Work it.

No!

All right, buddy, the fashion shoot is
over. Get your ass back to the van.

Damn, forgot to load it.

Hurry, they're charging.

Shoot it in the money maker.

Go for the ears. It's the head, damn it.

It's the head.

I got it. Then do it, now. I got it, I
got it.

Bust their cap in the ankle.

If you're not mad enough.

Then I am.

Stay right here and learn from my hand
of the match.

How's that sound?

Stop!

Haven't you seen any, George Romero?
It's the head!

You gotta shoot him! It's the head!

Oh my God, he's a total idiot.

That's a wrap on the photo shoot.

Now!

Bring it on. I bet your mama's real
proud of you. Speaking of your mama,

so ugly, she tried to join an ugly
contest once, and they said, sorry, no

professionals.

Your mama is so fat, her belly button
gets home 15 minutes before she does.

Enough stick, Argento. Wrap it up. Get
over here.

Come at me, bro.

Come at me.

Enjoy living while you can.

You heard the president. You'll only be
around for another three weeks. Go

ahead, try and eat me. Just try.

What are you waiting for?

Let's go.

Let's roll, Argento.

Come on. Hey, you, move.

Look at me.

No mask, no gloves.

Ah, I get it. You want a little bite out
of me, huh? It's cracking up. We have

to bail.

Do I look delicious to you? I bet I do.

Dinner is served.

Not before you have your first course!

Did you get any information from the
shaman? He told me this pandemic is the

only way of telling us to be kinder to
him. Got that right.

Corona zombies were just seen walking
north into the wooded area outside the

city. All citizens are advised to arm
themselves.

All right. The mother's house is just a
few miles ahead. Start loading the

weapon. We'll hide the vehicles and
sneak up on the old broad.

Be alert.

I need total professionalism from you
guys.

Baby ready to fall down and go boom?

Whee!

Damn it! I wanted to go down myself!

Ah,

slow adult.

Anybody else starting to get hungry?

All right, let's go check out the house.

Looks like the house from Golden Girls.

Right here. I don't even know how to
shoot this thing.

All clear.

Everyone keep your eyes peeled for
anything out of the ordinary.

Be ready for danger where you least
expect it.

Shemp, go take a look out there. Yeah,
okay.

Let's split up and look for signs of
that toilet paper. Check outside for

shipping containers.

I'll go up there.

Randy, Argento, look for the old broad.

Look, she wears lederhosen. Maybe she's
a hot German cougar.

Knock knock singing telegram

I put cross -dressers.

No heels?

I'm from Publishers Clearinghouse. I'm
here to tell you, you're a winner!

Watch where you're going, fruitcake.

Wake up. Someone sent you a stripper
gram. Let's get naked

Let's see those goat titties

Not

getting information out of you

this place is a dump

Terrorist or not, this woman lives like
a lazy, filthy lady pig. Smells like a

smoky bedspread in here.

I wonder if she has any Nutella.

Stay here.

out of brain.

My God, lady, you look like Barbara Bush
on meth.

Sorry, lady, I'm into Puerto Ricans.

Where is the toilet paper?

are ready for their close -up.

Abort mission. Get in the car.

Fucker. He's all cracked up.

Come on.

Just do it. I can't take any more cable
news anyway.

Kill me.

Just kidding.

See you, meatloaf.

In hell.

He's a loose cannon. East Corona squad
back on.

On second thought, maybe you're right.

Randy, pull him inside.

Just believe it. This is for Joe Exotic.

No way. This is my Christmas morning.

That's it.

Holds perfectly still.

My work is done. Let's blow this pot to
the stand. We don't have to wear a body

condom on Christmas morning.

Anybody down to go grab breakfast?

sugar in our gas tank! As if crapping on
Good Friday wasn't enough!

Help me!

Please stop the call! Keep them out!
Back off of me, Barbara!

They're all corrupt everywhere!

Blast the radio!

Count the horn!

Anything! I'm gonna spot my ass! You
can't even get the car stopped!

news as the mayor has called off all
attempts to save the horny bastards that

continue to show up at the tits and
eagles strip club in cherry hill new

as one by one both strippers and
customers are transformed into ravenous

zombies city officials are designating
martial law as the government continues

to try and contain the virus at the same
time trying to resolve our terrifying

toilet paper footage

I would love to have the country opened
up and just raring to go by Easter.

I mean, I think so.

I'm not in the belly of a Corona zombie,
so I guess.

This lockdown sucks.

It's been like two hours and I'm already
bored.

I know, right?

And it's Taco Tuesday too.

How long do you think this is going to
last?

You're saying we might be stuck here for
months.

This is serious.

Who's stupid idea was this anyway?

This is so not fun.

Global warming?

Biological warfare?

Oh, wait, the contestants from The
Bachelor.

Wait, that was President Herbie's
outbreak.

I don't know.

Wait a second.

Jim Bob.

What about that moron? I can't believe
you dated that loser.

Uh, he was hot the night I met him.

You were way drunk, and he was, like,
never hot.

Okay, anyway, he was a survivalist. He
left a ton of supplies here.

Where? In the garage. I have earthquake,
and get your hands off my shit, you

smelly Democrat supplies out there.

And? And, there's toilet paper!

news is the Corona Squad have aborted
their mission to locate the missing

paper and are heading for the location
of the initial Coronas on the outbreak,

the Scrabble Soup Company.

Officials hope the Squad can find clues
there that may help bring this all to an

end.

Great.

Do we have time for a romantic stroll on
the beach?

Looks like those Corona bastards beat us
to it.

Watch that road.

Yeah, I figure.

Just another day in the life of the
Corona Squad.

Now what in the hell do we do?

We could ditch the car and go by boat.

Either that or disguise ourselves as
Corona zombies.

Where'd you say that boat was?

In the back of the van.

Hopefully, we have room for everyone.

If we don't, that photographer's dead
meat.

We better get moving.

It'll be dark soon.

Let's roll.

Everyone stay together. If Corona show
up, start drooling and act like a

It works on the walking dead.

You sure don't make inflatable boats
like they used to, huh?

Says the guy who wouldn't help blow it
up.

All right, let's work together and push.

That's it. We got it.

I gotta hold on.

Push!

Dang. I forgot the ice check with the
fam.

Okay, let me get the oar.

I've done this before.

Okay, okay, wait, wait. Wrong way. Wrong
way.

Corona coming!

Quick,

everyone lay down. Act like a stiff.

My God, they're waving goodbye.

These things are gaining intelligence at
an astonishing rate.

Bon voyage!

Here. There it is.

It's beautiful.

The plan is to get to the ninth floor
and take samples of the soup that caused

all of this mess.

Be aware of your surroundings.

There still may be a Corona zombie or
two still in the building.

All right, follow my lead.

Together we can put an end to this.

Come on, Barbara, pull your weight!

To think such a terrible pandemic
started in a building covered in water

That suit was created to bring people
joy, not to force them to wash their

and gel up after intercourse.

Keep your eyes peeled.

These Corona have keen wit and lightning
-fast moves.

Hey, Chad.

How do we get to the 9th floor?

I don't know.

But first, I really need to take a leak.

Up there.

When this hell ends, this would be a
great location to shoot a music video.

You're right. It's very steampunk. Come
on.

Come on, Rude Cake. What could possibly
go wrong? The building's totally empty.

I want to go to the scene of the
meltdown.

Elevator. Go call the other one.

soups and gravies, it's this way.

Stay close.

Corner squad!

What is it? I heard something in the
cream corn room.

Stay near the elevator.

Back up!

They're so spiteful.

Out of respect, we should be filming
him.

Randy, run down to the boat and get his
camera.

The horror!

My Corona Scalp!

I can't paint it!

This is for the victims!

This is for closing...

And this is for getting Burning Man
cancelled!

Thanks to you, I can't even hook up on
Tinder anymore!

Plenty of fish, Grindr, all of it! I'll
never bang a random ever again!

Wait!

Stay back!

I take it all back!

I'm just a little tired! I have low
blood sugar!

What a world!

What a world!

I'm starting to think that this was a
bad idea.

Now the tomato soup is overheating!
That's not tomato soup.

It's what's left of Argento!

I'm getting a leg cramp.

Oh, God.

Abort mission!

My God, just look at them.

They're dead. They're all...

So things are all going to miss out on
the stimulus package benefits.

Barbara, I know this probably isn't the
best time for this. I haven't been with

a woman for a very long time.

So, since this is probably it, I get one
last look at those tremendous knockers

of yours.

One last sacrifice for what's left of
the Corona Squad.

I'll be dead, but let me die a hero who
just saw a terrific set of boobies.

I guess this is it.

I'll never find the cure.

I just think I'll never go to brunch.

Ever again.

Jack?

Argento, what have you done to your
hair?

Commander Chad, it's not too late. Fight
it, man.

Argento, no. We're friends.

I'll set you up with my cousin.

moment in history.

We should try to be kinder, gentler, a
better person than we were yesterday.

After all, all we are is dust in the
wind.

The takeaway?

Wash your hands.

And get your shit together.

Come on, toilet paper.

I know you're in here.

Are you sure it was just hallucination?