All language subtitles for gua-magnumpi.1980.s01e18-1080p

| am not in training to enter
the Iron Man contest!

You've got to be
crazy to do that.

(CROWD CHEERING)

| have enough cash
to pay your salary
for one day,

so I've got to have
results in 24 hours.

(SHRIEKS)

T.C.: Come on!
Come on!

Hell, not until
| got you dry, man!

T.C., you're killing me!

BARBARA: Come on, Magnum!

Who's he?

Oh, this is a private
investigator!

A cop?

I'm making a
citizen's arrest!

Magnum!

MAGNUM: Hawaii's is like
every sensual woman
I've ever known

she can have raging,
violent bursts of temper

followed by incredible
calm and peacefulness.

Today was one of those
days of true serenity

when even the great
tourist wave seems to recede.

| mean, | couldn't
believe the stillness.

Man, business stinks!

Hi.

Rick, what's the
exact time right now?

Everybody's
on the mainland.

Nobody even cares if my
chopper's sitting there

getting rusty,
just eating money!

Rick, the time right now!

Jeez, it's 11:29
at the tone!

Bing!

That's 56 minutes.
That's my best time yet

and | Know | could
do better on the road

because this last stretch
of beach is all soft sand.

What do you think this is,
a gymnasium?

Hey man, you stay
in pretty good shape, huh?

How many miles
do you jog a day?

Only eight.

Eight, hmm.
Mmm-hmm.

You swim a lot too, huh?

Now and then.

Bet you can ride a
bike pretty good.

Bicycle?

T.C., | am not in
training to enter the
lron Man contest.

Honest. You've got to
be crazy to do that.

First you swim five miles,
then you marathon 26 miles
then ride a bike?

Hundred miles all
in the same day?

(PHONE BUZZING)

Yeah, this is Rick.

Bet you could do it.

No bet.
Okay.

Thomas, that was
Jimmy at the gate.

There's a woman
here to see you.
This has got to stop.

| mean, as Higgins
would say this is
a private club...

BOTH: Not an office!

(LAUGHING)

Magnum P.1.?

I'm Barbara Terranova
from Bayonne, New Jersey.

The message on your
answering machine said
| could find you here

so | came right over.

Hi, Barbara Terranova
I'm Rick. |, uh, manage
this club.

This is T.C.

And the fellow you're
looking for is standing
right behind you

with the baseball hat on.

Figures. I've only
been here two days,

but already | know
everything in Hawaii's
a little cuckoo!

Well, maybe you'd like
to step out on the beach

where we can
talk more privately.

Magnum, I'm gonna
be upfront!

Now, | have enough cash
to pay your salary
for one day,

so I've got to have
results in 24 hours.

What do you say?

I'm sorry Ms. Terranova,
but no respectable
private investigator

can guarantee
one day results.

Well, almost none.

| know. That's
what they all said.

All?

| phoned every investigator
in the phone book.

Oh, well, alphabetically,
of course.

(RICK AND T.C. LAUGHING)

Thomas, we've got to do
something with your listing!

We've got to move it
up or something!

| just figured | could
count on you somehow.

| mean, your voice
on your answering machine
was so sympathetic.

| quit my job back in Bayonne
at the Firmer Body
in Ten Days exercise salon

and | spent all my savings
on new outfits and a
plane ticket one-way.

| just don't know
what I'm gonna do!

MAGNUM: Once ! said yes
it was like punching a clock.

Barbara barely gave me
time to shower and change

into some gear
| kept at the club.

| wanted to grab a
cab back to the estate

and pick up the Ferrari,
but she said that would be
a waste of her time and money.

So, we headed
downtown on a bus.

Almost fresh!

| got them on the
plane yesterday.

Thank goodness
| saved them, huh?

Barbara?

Hmm?

| understand about
Roger being a great
pool player.

Fantastic player!

His life's dream is to play
competition on TV!

But what | don't
understand is the part
about the gold teeth.

Ah!

Well, um,
his gardening truck.

Did | mention that
Roger is terrific
with tropical flowers

and therefore | know
he's gonna be doing
real well over here!

Anyway, his gardening truck
was rear-ended

and his mouth...
Steering wheel.

So, he had this friend
whose cousin was a dentist...

Some friend right?

And he gave him
a deal on these
new front teeth.

MAGNUM: The problem with
tailing a bus is that it can
be pretty humiliating

you see a bus creeps
along while the rest of the
traffic moves around it.

Well, all the, uh,
enamel fell off leaving
just the gold casings.

Yeah. So, that's why
you don't have
a photo of Roger,

he's embarrassed
to get his picture taken.

Come on, the next pool
hall's right up the street.

Okay.

Barbara, does anyone
know that you've come
here looking for Roger?

BARBARA: Only half of Bayonne.

| tried to stop my mother,
but she insisted on giving
an elopement party,

which is a first
for New Jersey!

MAGNUM: | would be
paranoid to assume

the blue sedan
was following
Barbara and me,

there were plenty
of other people on the bus,

but private investigators
are paid to be paranoid.

So, | made a mental
note to check for the car
when we came out.

| wonder if Barbara
realized just how careful
| was being on her behalf?

(PHONE RINGING)

HIGGINS: Yes, Mr. Masters.

MAGNUM: Hi, Higgins, it's me.

Magnum, why must you
always call me on
Robin Masters’ private line

when there are four other
perfectly good phone lines
into the Estate?

Well, it's the only number
that | can remember.

Um, Higgins can
| have the Ferrari?

You're asking?

Of course, I'm asking.

This isn't like you Magnum,
not like you at all.

Well, I...
| need it delivered.

Delivered?

Look, Higgins,
| only have 24...

Twenty-three hours to
solve this case that I'm on

and | can't do it riding
around on a bus.

A bus?

You're on a case
and you're riding
on a bus?

(LAUGHING)

Don't laugh, Higgins.
Some of your best
investigators use buses.

Buses can't be tailed,

you can always spot
a tail when you're
riding on a bus!

(LAUGHING) Oh, Magnum!
This is too, too much!

Just get me the Ferrari,
Higgins!

I'm at...

Honolulu's Lulu's.

Honolulu's Lulu's
Pool Hall.

(LAUGHING)

Honolulu's Lulu's.
| don't believe it!

Corner of Kahlua
and Hanaliki.

I'll send one of the
gardeners over
oh, and Magnum,

don't forget to tell him
which bus to take back.

| wouldn't want him to
make the wrong transfer,

or whatever it is
one does on a bus.

(LAUGHING)

(IMITATES HIGGINS LAUGHING)

Nobody here ever saw
Roger, let's hit the next one.

No I've got my car coming.

We went all through that!

I've got no time to wait
around while you wait
for a car coming...

Barbara, look we can
cover the pool halls
faster from my car

than we can from
the back of the bus.

Besides, how do you know
Roger won't come through
that door any second?

Look, I'll tell you what,

my car will be here
within the hour, I'll
play you for that hour.

If you win, | still
owe you 23 hours
of investigative time.

If | win, 22.

But, either way we'll
have my car and
we'll move faster.

What do you say?

You a hustler?

Do | look like
a pool hustler?

No, rack 'em up!

Uh, no, they're, uh,
they're still in Lulu's.

No, they haven't
spotted us yet.

All right, right.

MAGNUM: Maybe | didn't
have a florescent suntan,

but I'd spent my share
of time in pool halls
as a kid.

Of course, that was
a long time ago.

Straight pool?

Mm-hmm.

Gee, | haven't played
since | learned for Roger.

In Bayonne girls
in their late 20s

or early 30s still
do that for their man.

Roger and | met playing pool.

| felt this attraction
to him and asked him
to teach me.

When someone's
showing you the game,

there's a lot of touching
and being close.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Well, by the end of the
evening he'd asked me out.

It was just like in
the movies, you know
what | mean?

| think | can guess.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Excuse me.

Well, just when
| knew he was about
ready to pop the question,

he disappears.

Ah.

Almost a year later | get
this postcard from him,

with this PO Box
postmark, you know?

Well, once the writing
started again, we burned
up the post office.

| mean, tore it,
you know?

And, then...

Bam! A marriage proposal.

Excuse me.

Well, | was so excited
| couldn't sleep
for two nights

and then | telegraphed, yes.

And, then yesterday
when | got off the plane...

No Roger.

That's 24 hours you owe me.

Rack ‘em up!

Well?

Well, we do what
we have to do!

MAGNUM: We visited so many
pool halls that day and night,

! couldn't begin
to remember them all.

Barbara's 24 hours
were about up,

that is until you
figured our pool bets.

According to my
calculations, you owe me
through dinner time.

Which, is 6:00 pm
in Bayonne.

Right.

May paranoia was
in full bloom.

Every time we came out
of one of those pool halls,

the blue sedan
was cruising by.

Even after we switched
from the bus to the car

his tailing didn't improve.

It was almost like he
wanted to be spotted.

Barbara?
Hmm?

Are you a girl who gets
nervous in a car?

Never.

(CAR ENGINE REVVING)

(SHRIEKS)

Barbara, I'm going
to the bathroom.

In two minutes, you
go to the bathroom.

But, | don't have to
go to the bathroom.

Please, go
to the bathroom.

But, | don't have to
go to the bathroom!

Please?

Okay. But, | don't have to!

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

MAGNUM: When somebody
drives a car that
tries too hard to be average

and sports a haircut
with white sidewalls
it usually adds up

to one thing,
government.

But, why would the
government care about
Barbara's missing fiance?

That's funny. You know,
Higgins’ usually has
the dogs greet me.

Yeah, me too.

Except today he was in
a really, really good mood,

kept laughing and saying
something about busing.

Why don't you
make yourself
at home, T.C.

Yeah, that's what
I'm doing.

Uh, where's the
powder room?

He ain't
got one of them!

My bathroom is
right through there.

Thanks.

Rick, | want you
to check a,
a light blue sedan

for me,
license number
55678.

It's a...
A government vehicle
or a rental.

And, the driver, well
he's uh, early twenties,
blonde,

yeah a
government type.

Yeah, uh, thanks.

What are you doing?

The Iron Man contest.
Oh, no, T.C.

No way, | told you
| am not entering that!
Don't start again!

Not even to save
Island Hoppers?

| mean, | figure what
| need is better promotion,
better advertising.

What could be better
than to have the
company name

in front of the public
in a big fancy...

Oh, | see!
You're entering the race!

Did | hear somebody
mention a race?

Oh, yeah.
It's the Iron Man.

It's a big event with men
and women if you're into
competitive suicide!

See, first
you swim five miles
in rough water

and then you run a
complete 26 mile
marathon,

then finally
the people that are
still alive,

they bicycle a
100 miles.

(LAUGHING) T.C. here
is gonna enter.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
Not me, you!

Island Hoppers
is going to sponsor you
in the Iron Man.

Oh, no!
No way!

A person's got to
be crazy to
enter that thing!

Mm-hmm, then that
makes you the
perfect candidate.

Besides,
look at the difference
in our bodies.

| mean, I'm all
shiny muscle power

but you,

you got
the legs to win it!

That's right and |
intend to
keep them!

| mean, think about
this, T.C.

Swimming,
running a marathon

and then bicycling
a hundred miles.

Oh, hey what,
what about all this,

"I'll owe you one T.C.,"
when does that get paid?

Well, that's different!
| mean, that's
entirely different!

Vouchers!
What about vouchers?

Vouchers for,
for gas, vouchers
for airtime,

vouchers for this,
vouchers for that!

When are you
gonna take care of that?
I'd do it, T.C.,

| really would but see
I'm on a case with
Barbara here.

Ah. Now, I've had
occasion

during the past
24 hours to scrutinize
the body in question.

My analysis?
Mediocre reflexes...

Mediocre? Average?
Average motor skills...

And speed and
endurance of a
questionable nature.

Shoot!

Now, there's no way
this specimen could
complete

let alone compete in
the Iron Man
competition, unless...

Let me guess.

Well, unless what?

Your boy gets a
first-class, knowledgeable,
certified trainer

to guide him
to a winning body.

Yeah, but where
do | get that?

| mean, a dude
like that's got
to cost big bucks!

Not a dude T.C.,
a dudette!

Am | right,
Barbara?

Modestly, yes.
The pride of
Bayonne!

The top instructor at
the Firmer Body in Ten Days
figure salon!

And, in return
for my services,

Magnum continues
to search for Roger

and then runs the
Iron Man to
pay his debts to you!

Deal?
You got it!

No!

BARBARA: And a one, and a two
and a three, and a four

and a one, and a two
and a three, and a four,

and a breathe,
(BREATHES HEAVILY)

and a one
and a two
and a breathe!

Good morning, Barbara.

And a down...
Very subtle, you're
wasting your time,

| don't want to play!

Oh, now Magnum, now the
secret here, you see,
is knees to chest!

Knees to chest,
try it now!

| am heading for
a swim and

when | get back,
Barbara...
Babs!

Call me Babs or Coach
or whatever makes you
feel comfortable.

Never.
| will never
call you Coach,

because | promise you
| am never going to
enter that contest!

Well, what about
T.C. and saving
the Island Hoppers?

What about Roger
and me? | mean,
this whole deal

depends on your
entering this contest,
| mean...

Good morning!
MAGNUM: I| am sorry
about all that,

believe me and I'd
do anything for T.C.
Anything else | mean!

And, maybe we can
work something out
about finding Roger.

Oh, no!
| could never
accept charity!

Well, then pay me later
but just don't talk to me
about this contest!

Ah, the contest.

The excitement,
the anticipation,
the agony.

Now, here are the items
you requested courtesy
of the household account.

Protein powder,
vitamins with an
emphasis on B-complex

tuna for tuna shakes.
It sounds positively
revolting

but I'm sure it's
quite nourishing.

Higgins, what is this?
Paying out of the
household account?

You never pay for
anything for me out of...

Wait... How'd you
find out about this?

T.C. told me his plans
when | let him in
last night,

for once
| agreed with him and
so does Mr. Masters!

It's a
capital idea!
Robin?

You talked to Robin?

By happy coincidence
he phoned last night
from Venice.

| took the liberty
of informing him of
the race.

And, you let him think
| was entering?

Higgins,
how could you?
That's a lie!

A deliberate lie!
| must say
he was

simply wildly
enthusiastic.

Well, he'd been drinking!

| mean he'll probably
wake-up tomorrow morning
and won't remember a thing!

What better way to
ensure the security
of the Estate than

for our resident
investigator to be
in top shape?

But, I've saved
the really thrilling news
for last.

There's more?
To signal his support
of your effort.

Robin's sending you
something from Italy,
air-express.

A world cup
racing bicycle
from Milan.

| understand it costs
2/00 American.

Terrific!

Do you know a
bike like that only weighs
seven pounds?

You know what an edge
that's gonna give us?

$2700
for a bicycle.

| knew
you'd be thrilled.

Let me know
if there's anything else
| can provide

and by the by,
do you have
someplace to stay?

Oh, yeah a small hotel
on the other side
of the island.

I'll make one of
the guest rooms
available.

SO much more
convenient for your
training purposes.

Thanks!

And, Magnum best of luck.

| know training
can be bloody hell.

MAGNUM: | was prepared to
go along with it,

at least until | had
the business of
Roger figured out.

After all
| was in top shape.

Maybe we should
take a break.

Nonsense!
Whatever you do,
don't stop!

Just remember
my motto at the
exercise salon,

"Beauty knows
no pain!"

Just try it,
it's gotten more ladies
through my class.

Please no philosophy.

We've barely come
ten miles!

Now | want to see you
sprint from here
to the estate!

Go!

"Beauty knows
no pain," a go!

Go, or it's an
extra 200
sit-ups!

Hi, Ms. Terranova?

We'd like
to talk to you.

Magnum!
Magnum!
Magnum!

"Beauty knows
no pain!"

Take it easy, now!

I'm making a
citizen's arrest!

Oh, come on lady!
Hey!

BARBARA: Stop it!
Get your hands
off me!

Gold teeth!

Don't make this any harder
than it has to be.

Oh, let her go!
Let her go!

Let's get out of here,
we're gonna
draw a crowd!

(CAR ENGINE REVVING)

Just don't lie there,
get them!

MAGNUM:
Wait, Higgins!

Wait, easy!
(EXCLAIMS)

Better?
Oh.

A little trick
| learned in Shanghai

just after the war
from a sturdy little,
Oriental chap

that demonstrated
using dogs.

Actually, it's still
pretty bad.

| think it may be
out of action
for several days.

No swimming
with this.

Perhaps
a little
acupuncture.

Let me just get my
needles and we'll try
some simple muscle testing.

On the other hand,
activity could be
good for circulation.

Ah! Ah!

Let's go back
to the guest house,

I'll give you hot packs
alternating with cold packs.
No.

Not so fast, aren't you
forgetting something?

You mean?

Yes, as a matter of fact.
The Hardy Boys out there,

especially the one with
Roger's teeth.

| was just gonna
tell you about that.

You were just so busy
with beauty and pain
that it slipped your mind.

Roger doesn't have
any gold teeth.

Well, these two guys
came to see me in
Bayonne

about six weeks ago.

Looking for Roger.

What story
did they give you?

Even at the exercise salon
it sounded phony!

They knew | was
his girlfriend and
if | saw him

they wanted me to
give him some money,

a check for a couple of
thousand they said
he loaned them,

well | returned it,
naturally.

Naturally.
Magnum,

I'm really scared
of those guys,
they want to hurt Roger

and | don't know why,
but we've got to
find him first.

So, you made up
the whole story
about the gold teeth

to find them while
we were looking for Roger?

Do you have a
photograph of him?

Oh, in, in, my bag.

You lied to me
about that!

You said you didn't
have one!
| know.

Hmm.
Fine figure of a man.

Honolulu's a big place,
Thomas.

I'll check it out
and see what
| can turn up.

Come on T.C..,
just one beer!

You're in training,
I'm not going to have
my contestant

barfing his guts
all over the race
from guzzling beer!

Okay, okay
have it your way!

Just because | thought
it'd help me forget

how sore my
shoulder really is.

Aw, well beauty
knows no pain
and | should know.

Cut that out!

You really believe everything
she's telling you about Roger,
huh?

Yeah, sure.

Well, 65%
| believe.

Hey man, what about
that, uh, government guy
in the sedan?

Why is he
nosing around?
Oh, great!

Goons in
government.

That's big time,
that's mob, Thomas!

Rick, | am not
jumping to
any conclusions!

Just 'cause it
looks like...

Just 'cause it
looks like he is
a government witness.

Whoa!
Roger's a
mob stool pigeon?

Bullets flying all over
the place and you've
got a race?

You really
believe her, huh?
Rick!

Okay, okay.
| told you
I'd check it out

and Thomas,
| will check it out.

Um, Thomas,
listen | thought
after the race

I'd throw a little
celebration, like a
congratulation gesture.

Yeah, yeah.
Just, just, us guys!

Yeah, and maybe
a couple of
TV reporters!

You know,
a human
interest story,

get a little publicity
for T.C., you know,

war buddy
helps pal.
Yeah.

TV reporter?

Yeah, how about some
wire service stringers

Rick and a couple
of photographers,

Life magazine...
Thomas? Thomas?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Magnum, it's here! Tada!

It's glorious,
isn't it?

HIGGINS: I'm surprised
that it arrived so soon!

Yay, terrific.

I'll just have a go with
the gears and you can
take her out for a spin.

Double time it,
Magnum! Swimsuit on!

Mr. Higgins, if you
could have it ready

by the time Magnum
finishes his swim
that would be perfect.

No problem.

Actually, Magnum,
| quite envy you in
the bike race

because the course
cuts through the
Austin Memorial Gardens,

which are normally
off limits to visitors.

BARBARA: I've been there!

HIGGINS: You have?

Yeah, well, Roger
wrote about the
Austin Gardens a lot

so it was the first place
| went when | landed.

Oh, he worked there
when he first came
to the islands.

Why didn't you tell me this?

I'm your investigator!

| don't Know.

Well, he wasn't there!

They didn't know
where he'd gone,

but they said he was
wonderful with tropical
flowers!

We have got to talk!

When you've had your
swim then we'll try out
the new bike!

Barbara, | have the
feeling you're
stringing me along

and it's going
to stop, now!

What?

You don't think Roger
proposed to me?

Oh, or you think I'm
the kind of girl that
never gets proposed to!

No, that's not what | mean.

Well, I'll have you know
that in high school

| was voted queen of
the Friday Night Dance,
twice

and | was head cheerleader
my junior year!

Barbara!

Now, look what other
places did he
write to you about?

None.

Unless you count
the place on the card
he sent me to propose.

"Dear Babs, this is
where all our
dreams will come true.

"The Old Hawaiian
Aloha Wedding Chapel."

That's a proposal?

(SCOFFS)

Well, wouldn't any
reasonable girl take
that as a proposal?

Did you go there?

Without Roger?

For heaven sakes, why?

Excuse me?
Excuse me?
Yoo-hoo, yoo-hoo!

You can't go in there
right now!

I'm very sorry!

You can't go
in there right now,

there's a ceremony
in progress.

That's all right, we're
just looking for a friend.

Mm-hmm.

You mean you're not
the future Mr.
and Ms. Lloyd Brockman?

Do we look like
a bridal couple?

Uh, uh...

Don't you wish to
be married here?

Yes.
No.

Hmm, oh, | see.

| wonder if it'd be
possible if we could
see your gardens?

Oh, yes!

Even in Hawaii we're
famous for our gardens.

It's right around there,

and for our weddings
too, of course.

Thank you very much.

OLD LADY: You're welcome!

That was a fast answer.

Have you ever
been married?
No.

Engaged?
No.

How about heavy
fooling around?

Never on the first date

and then only if the
girl is sincere
and will respect me.

(LAUGHING)

All right everyone,
picture time!

Come over here, Misses, um...

And over here for you,
Mister, uh...

BARBARA: Roger?

Babs?

Roger?

Babs!

on Oh!

What are you doing here?

Didn't you get
my telegram?

Roger, what did you
do to your hair?

Roger, where's your mustache?

Who's he?

Oh, this is a private
investigator!

A cop?

MAGNUM: Uh, wait, no,
a private investigator, see?

You don't understand!

Roger, wait!
| love you, Roger!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Get in the car!

(ALL CLAMORING)

U.S. Treasury Department,
you two are in big trouble.

MAGNUM: /t was a
double blow to my ego,

the good guys were
bad guys and vice versa.

The dumb kid in the
blue sedan turned out
to be a mafia hit man,

while gold teeth
and his partner were
really Treasury agents.

And, all of them,
including Barbara and !
were hunting for Roger.

For different reasons,
of course.

It seems the love
of Barbara's life

used to be
Godfather Bracito's gardener.

One day while
tending the roses
he dug up $2,000,000

from an armored car
robbery that had been cooling

until the statute of
limitations had run out.

Roger dropped it
into a fertilizer bag
and walked away.

In a funny way | had
to admire him.

Walking out of a Don's
estate with $2,000,000
in a bag of bat guano.

Barbara?

Barbara.

| can't believe it.

Why didn't he tell me?

Well, maybe he loved you
too much to involve you.

Oh! You think so?

Well, he wrote you
all those letters

after he already had
the $2,000,000.

How many guys do you
know who would do that

if they didn't love you?

We've got to find him.

Oh, don't worry, Babs,

this guy with a gun
won't harm him until

he has the money and
Roger's not dumb enough
to tell him where it is!

We won't give up!
Well...

We'll just keep looking.

Today, tomorrow.

Oh, not tomorrow,
the race is tomorrow!

Well, Roger's more
important than the race!

Oh, Thomas, you know
| get this feeling down
deep in my solar plexus,

that if you really try,
| mean, really try real hard

you can win this race!

And if you win
everything will be
okay for Roger and me.

| mean, the police
will find him

and he'll give back
the money and
we'll get married.

You know what | mean?

Yeah, | know.

Beauty knows no pain.
Yeah.

~ Beyond the reef

< Where the sea
is dark and cold

~ My love has gone

~ And our dreams grow old

f Someday I'll know

~ She'll come back... f

Now, remember Thomas,
this is your best event so
don't go saving your energy

for the other events,
you got it?
Yeah.

Don't forget now!

Hey man, | don't want
to put any kind of
pressure on you,

but | bet every dime
I've got on you.

You what?

| guess | got carried away.

No pressure?
You call that
no pressure?

Trainer coming through,
excuse me.

RICK: All right, come on.
Just take it easy.

All right, has anyone
given him a salt tablet?

No.

Okay, got your glucose,
your dry socks, liniment,
bandages.

Bandages?
Bandages?

Just relax, okay? Relax.

Come on, Magnum.
Warm-up, warm-up.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
get them legs going!

Get them legs
in shape!

ANNOUNCER: Two minutes,
swimmers. Two minutes.

Oh, no.

Between the bicycling
and the running,

don't use too much
on the swimming!

What?

What do you think
you're doing?

I'm sorry, no one informed
me of the dress code.
However...

Knees to chest,
knees to chest!

You received this
cablegram from
Robin Masters.

ANNOUNCER: One minute.
Swimmers to your mark!
One minute.

Since your hands appear
to be a bit shaky,
I'll take the liberty.

God!

Knees to chest,
knees to chest!
Okay, all right!

Now, bend over,
bend down and take
a deep breath.

And, up.

HIGGINS: "All best wishes
and good luck,

"everyone here expecting
news of your great victory.

"Warmest regards,
Robin Masters."

Not that he wants you
to feel obligated
to win, I'm sure.

ANNOUNCER: Thirty seconds.

Trainers leave your
contestants, please.

Relax.

Don't worry, Thomas,
you'll do it.

Good luck, old chap.

Just be cool,
just be cool!

| only bet the farm!

(SIGHS)

ANNOUNCER: On your mark,

get set...

(GUN FIRES)

Come on! Go!

BARBARA: Looking great, huh?

| don't know, did he seem
a tad bit tense to you?

RICK: Come on, Higgins!
Let's go!

Well, just take all day
Higgy Baby!

(HORN HONKING)

MAGNUM: Maybe beauty
knows no pain,
but | knew ! did.

| figured the only way
| could get through the day

was to put my body
on automatic pilot

and concentrate
on something else.

The trouble was, all | could
think about was Roger!

If gold teeth was right,

he wasn't in a hell
of a Jot of trouble.

Not with the Feds anyway.

He'd stolen money,
but he'd stolen it
from a thief!

If Roger turned it in
before the
statute of limitations

on the crime ran out
next week, he'd probably
get a reward!

BARBARA: Come on,
hurry up! They're due
here any minute!

RICK: All right, all right!

MAGNUM: Which brought me
to Barbara.

Why didn't he meet her
at the airport?

Did he have cold feet
about marrying her

or couldn't he show up
because he knew someone
was following him?

But if he knew, why
didn't he just take
the money and run?

Call her in a couple
weeks from Tahiti
or wherever.

Now, remember the drill.
All right, now T.C.,

you towel him dry...
Right!

And get him into
the running shorts.
Running shorts.

Okay, uh, Rick,
shoes and socks.
Shoes and socks.

And don't forget
the foot powder.
Foot powder.

|, myself, have exactly
four ounces of glucose.

I'll get it!
Wait.

I'll get it.

Come on, Magnum!

Come on, Thomas!

Come on, Magnum!
Move it!

Which one is he?

RICK: He's right there!
Can't you see?

Come on!

Oh, yeah, | do!
Come on!

Come on, Thomas!

Come on! Come on!
Come over this way!

BARBARA: Come on, Magnum!

Come on!

(SINGING HAWAIIAN SONG)

RICK: Hurry up!
T.C.: This way!

Over this way!
Over this way!

Come on, over this way!

RICK: Come on you big lug!

T.C.: Come on!
Come on!

How am | doing?

This is your
best event?

Just great! A champ
in contention all the way!

T.C., you're killing me!

Yeah, well I've got
to get you dry, man.

Here, take off your trunks
and hold this.

And then put on
these jogging shorts.

People are watching!

Here, come on.
Come on, drink
this very slowly.

Slow!

Babs, damn it!
Turn around!

I'm your trainer!

| don't suppose anyone
here knows the origin
of the marathon.

The Greeks led the
Persians in battle on a
great plain called Marathon,

the Greeks were victorious
and started running back
to the city

for the glorious meal.

The distance was that
of the modern marathon,
26 miles.

Rick, what are you doing?

Another sock coach,
one more sock!

Oh, come on,
lacing up shoes!

RICK: Shoes laced!

Oh, they're too tight!
Too tight!

T.C., I'm dry,
I'm dry!

He stumbled through
the gates of the city,
cried out "Rejoice, rejoice,"

and fell dead.

There's a lesson there!

Come on!
Go Magnum, go!

Remember, knees to chest!

Chop-chop chaps,
to the van!

Come on!

MAGNUM: ! was dying!

Everything confirmed it,
my lungs, my head,
my aching muscles.

So, | concentrated
on Roger.

| tried to think of all
the reasons Roger
didn't leave the island

when he knew the
mafia and the Feds
were on his tail!

It came down to either
a great love for Babs

or he couldn't get
his hands on the money.

Yeah, | settled
on the money, too.

| thought of all the ways
it might be tied-up,
investments, stocks,

gold, land,
ways that would take
a while to liquidate.

After 26 miles, | decided
it was none of the above.

He'd hidden it somewhere
and he couldn't put his
hands on it immediately!

By the time | got on
the bicycle | was ready
to fall over dead,

I'd never make a
hundred miles!

There was no way!

Not even if | concentrated
on Roger and his problem!

Impossible,
but I had to try.

Beauty knows no pain!

He'd hidden the money,
he had to.

The statute of limitations
was almost up, but he
couldn't get it

because it was
inaccessible.

I had it, | had
the answer only

| was so damn tired
| couldn't pull it
out of my brain!

WOMAN: All right,
here they come.
All right.

Come on, come on,
come on.

(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

I'm telling you,
| don't know
where it is!

| buried it under
a Bougainvillea Persille!

But, that was a year ago,
the whole garden's changed
since then!

Ain't buying it, Roger!

Now, the sun's almost
going down and
the race is over,

if you don't get that money
before they close this place,

there's gonna be
something else planted here!

What's with the tender loving
care? Pull it up!

T.C.: Nine, ten,

11, 12...

Thirteen? There are 13
riders ahead of him!

This is ridiculous!

It's okay, he could
still win, there's still
13 miles to go!

Come on, Magnum!

Come on!

Did you enjoy the flowers?

MAGNUM: That was it.
The flowers, it had to be!

Roger had hidden the
money here in the gardens
where he used to work.

No!

What are you
trying to do?

RICK: You jerk, you're
going the wrong way!

T.C.: Turn around,
turn around!

It must be the running heat!
| saw it happen several times
in England.

| remember watching
the Roger Punjammers
racing elephants in July...

On the Tigris plain there was
this road full...

Come on,
will you, Higgins?

...he got behind the
raja's elephant
and tried to mount him.

Uh, the elephant
not the raja.

Extraordinary!

(HORN HONKING)

RICK: Oh, hold it T.C.,
there's his bike!

Magnum?

Let's split up.
I'll go this way!

Okay.

Heliconia Carabea.

Fascinating.

Not, as commonly thought,
called Lobster Claw.

Alpinia indigenous
to New Guinea.

Marvelous.

Ah, Alpinia Oceanica!

Splendid.

BUDDY: You're
time's running out!

ROGER: Uh! | think it was
closer to the waterfall.

You see, | buried it
at night and l...

BUDDY: Find it!
ROGER: Yes.

Roger!
Babs!

Oh! Oh!

Why didn't you tell me?

| couldn't, it was
too dangerous.

You might get hurt.

Terrific idea.

Now, look you'd
better find it or...

(GUN COCKING)

You buried
the money here?

Yeah, a year ago.
Only everything's
changed so much

| haven't been
able to find it!

I'm not a thief, Babs!
Well...

Really I'm not.

It was just so tempting,
but | decided to turn
it in for the reward money,

only | had to find it first

and today's the only day
| could get in here without
making everyone suspicious!

It's okay, it's okay.

Even if you wanted to
keep the money and
be a thief,

just tell me you
wanted to marry me!

Of course, didn't you
get my proposal.

The postcard?

With the wedding chapel on it.

Would you guys find it?

| love you, Roger.

| love you, Babs.

(GROANS)

(GROANING)

Barbara!

You creep!

Babs! Coach!

Enough!

Ah, Magnum,
there you are.

You realize, of course,
you have no chance
of winning.

RICK: Well, Buddy's
not saying a word.

Catching him with
a gun is enough.

The guy's a
three time loser.

You know they're going
to put him away for life,
probably 300 years!

And the money?
They still haven't found it?

Roger didn't exactly
give them a pinpoint location.

They're liable to be
digging up that place
until the next Iron Man race!

HIGGINS: He seemed sure
it was in the
Bougainvillea Persille.

They'll find it and then
we'll get married and
go back to Bayonne

and I'll open an
exercise school

and he'll open a little
tropical flower shop.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
an everybody will come
out of this

pile of bat guano
smelling like a rose
except me!

Just think, man, I'm the
one who put up the
money to sponsor you!

You forget, Robin Masters
made a sizable contribution

without expecting any
publicity for it!

Robin, what about me?
| put up the food, the booze,
the potato chips, the...

Stop it, all of you!

Tom did his best.
He saved Roger,
didn't he?

RICK: Hey, tape it,
the race is on!

Oh, hey, man.
Spare me!

| don't want to
look at no race,
| don't want to remember

about no race!

TV ANNOUNCER: The famed
Iron Man Classic drew a
record number of competitors!

The big surprise
of the event came
in the last leg,

the one hundred mile
bicycle portion,

when a rider sponsored
by Island Hoppers

suddenly reversed field
as he exited the famed
Austin Memorial Gardens.

We've got some footage
of that Island Hoppers biker

who certainly lived up
to his sponsor's name!

Whoever you
are Island Hopper,
we admire your style!

Yee-haw!
Look at that.

NEWSWOMAN: And that's
the news from all of us
to all of you.

Goodnight!