Original subtitles

| am not in training to enter the Iron Man contest!

You've got to be crazy to do that.

(CROWD CHEERING)

| have enough cash to pay your salary for one day,

so I've got to have results in 24 hours.

(SHRIEKS)

T.C.: Come on! Come on!

Hell, not until | got you dry, man!

T.C., you're killing me!

BARBARA: Come on, Magnum!

Who's he?

Oh, this is a private investigator!

A cop?

I'm making a citizen's arrest!

Magnum!

MAGNUM: Hawaii's is like every sensual woman I've ever known

she can have raging, violent bursts of temper

followed by incredible calm and peacefulness.

Today was one of those days of true serenity

when even the great tourist wave seems to recede.

| mean, | couldn't believe the stillness.

Man, business stinks!

Hi.

Rick, what's the exact time right now?

Everybody's on the mainland.

Nobody even cares if my chopper's sitting there

getting rusty, just eating money!

Rick, the time right now!

Jeez, it's 11:29 at the tone!

Bing!

That's 56 minutes. That's my best time yet

and | Know | could do better on the road

because this last stretch of beach is all soft sand.

What do you think this is, a gymnasium?

Hey man, you stay in pretty good shape, huh?

How many miles do you jog a day?

Only eight.

Eight, hmm. Mmm-hmm.

You swim a lot too, huh?

Now and then.

Bet you can ride a bike pretty good.

Bicycle?

T.C., | am not in training to enter the lron Man contest.

Honest. You've got to be crazy to do that.

First you swim five miles, then you marathon 26 miles then ride a bike?

Hundred miles all in the same day?

(PHONE BUZZING)

Yeah, this is Rick.

Bet you could do it.

No bet. Okay.

Thomas, that was Jimmy at the gate.

There's a woman here to see you. This has got to stop.

| mean, as Higgins would say this is a private club...

BOTH: Not an office!

(LAUGHING)

Magnum P.1.?

I'm Barbara Terranova from Bayonne, New Jersey.

The message on your answering machine said | could find you here

so | came right over.

Hi, Barbara Terranova I'm Rick. |, uh, manage this club.

This is T.C.

And the fellow you're looking for is standing right behind you

with the baseball hat on.

Figures. I've only been here two days,

but already | know everything in Hawaii's a little cuckoo!

Well, maybe you'd like to step out on the beach

where we can talk more privately.

Magnum, I'm gonna be upfront!

Now, | have enough cash to pay your salary for one day,

so I've got to have results in 24 hours.

What do you say?

I'm sorry Ms. Terranova, but no respectable private investigator

can guarantee one day results.

Well, almost none.

| know. That's what they all said.

All?

| phoned every investigator in the phone book.

Oh, well, alphabetically, of course.

(RICK AND T.C. LAUGHING)

Thomas, we've got to do something with your listing!

We've got to move it up or something!

| just figured | could count on you somehow.

| mean, your voice on your answering machine was so sympathetic.

| quit my job back in Bayonne at the Firmer Body in Ten Days exercise salon

and | spent all my savings on new outfits and a plane ticket one-way.

| just don't know what I'm gonna do!

MAGNUM: Once ! said yes it was like punching a clock.

Barbara barely gave me time to shower and change

into some gear | kept at the club.

| wanted to grab a cab back to the estate

and pick up the Ferrari, but she said that would be a waste of her time and money.

So, we headed downtown on a bus.

Almost fresh!

| got them on the plane yesterday.

Thank goodness | saved them, huh?

Barbara?

Hmm?

| understand about Roger being a great pool player.

Fantastic player!

His life's dream is to play competition on TV!

But what | don't understand is the part about the gold teeth.

Ah!

Well, um, his gardening truck.

Did | mention that Roger is terrific with tropical flowers

and therefore | know he's gonna be doing real well over here!

Anyway, his gardening truck was rear-ended

and his mouth... Steering wheel.

So, he had this friend whose cousin was a dentist...

Some friend right?

And he gave him a deal on these new front teeth.

MAGNUM: The problem with tailing a bus is that it can be pretty humiliating

you see a bus creeps along while the rest of the traffic moves around it.

Well, all the, uh, enamel fell off leaving just the gold casings.

Yeah. So, that's why you don't have a photo of Roger,

he's embarrassed to get his picture taken.

Come on, the next pool hall's right up the street.

Okay.

Barbara, does anyone know that you've come here looking for Roger?

BARBARA: Only half of Bayonne.

| tried to stop my mother, but she insisted on giving an elopement party,

which is a first for New Jersey!

MAGNUM: | would be paranoid to assume

the blue sedan was following Barbara and me,

there were plenty of other people on the bus,

but private investigators are paid to be paranoid.

So, | made a mental note to check for the car when we came out.

| wonder if Barbara realized just how careful | was being on her behalf?

(PHONE RINGING)

HIGGINS: Yes, Mr. Masters.

MAGNUM: Hi, Higgins, it's me.

Magnum, why must you always call me on Robin Masters’ private line

when there are four other perfectly good phone lines into the Estate?

Well, it's the only number that | can remember.

Um, Higgins can | have the Ferrari?

You're asking?

Of course, I'm asking.

This isn't like you Magnum, not like you at all.

Well, I... | need it delivered.

Delivered?

Look, Higgins, | only have 24...

Twenty-three hours to solve this case that I'm on

and | can't do it riding around on a bus.

A bus?

You're on a case and you're riding on a bus?

(LAUGHING)

Don't laugh, Higgins. Some of your best investigators use buses.

Buses can't be tailed,

you can always spot a tail when you're riding on a bus!

(LAUGHING) Oh, Magnum! This is too, too much!

Just get me the Ferrari, Higgins!

I'm at...

Honolulu's Lulu's.

Honolulu's Lulu's Pool Hall.

(LAUGHING)

Honolulu's Lulu's. | don't believe it!

Corner of Kahlua and Hanaliki.

I'll send one of the gardeners over oh, and Magnum,

don't forget to tell him which bus to take back.

| wouldn't want him to make the wrong transfer,

or whatever it is one does on a bus.

(LAUGHING)

(IMITATES HIGGINS LAUGHING)

Nobody here ever saw Roger, let's hit the next one.

No I've got my car coming.

We went all through that!

I've got no time to wait around while you wait for a car coming...

Barbara, look we can cover the pool halls faster from my car

than we can from the back of the bus.

Besides, how do you know Roger won't come through that door any second?

Look, I'll tell you what,

my car will be here within the hour, I'll play you for that hour.

If you win, | still owe you 23 hours of investigative time.

If | win, 22.

But, either way we'll have my car and we'll move faster.

What do you say?

You a hustler?

Do | look like a pool hustler?

No, rack 'em up!

Uh, no, they're, uh, they're still in Lulu's.

No, they haven't spotted us yet.

All right, right.

MAGNUM: Maybe | didn't have a florescent suntan,

but I'd spent my share of time in pool halls as a kid.

Of course, that was a long time ago.

Straight pool?

Mm-hmm.

Gee, | haven't played since | learned for Roger.

In Bayonne girls in their late 20s

or early 30s still do that for their man.

Roger and | met playing pool.

| felt this attraction to him and asked him to teach me.

When someone's showing you the game,

there's a lot of touching and being close.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Well, by the end of the evening he'd asked me out.

It was just like in the movies, you know what | mean?

| think | can guess.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Excuse me.

Well, just when | knew he was about ready to pop the question,

he disappears.

Ah.

Almost a year later | get this postcard from him,

with this PO Box postmark, you know?

Well, once the writing started again, we burned up the post office.

| mean, tore it, you know?

And, then...

Bam! A marriage proposal.

Excuse me.

Well, | was so excited | couldn't sleep for two nights

and then | telegraphed, yes.

And, then yesterday when | got off the plane...

No Roger.

That's 24 hours you owe me.

Rack ‘em up!

Well?

Well, we do what we have to do!

MAGNUM: We visited so many pool halls that day and night,

! couldn't begin to remember them all.

Barbara's 24 hours were about up,

that is until you figured our pool bets.

According to my calculations, you owe me through dinner time.

Which, is 6:00 pm in Bayonne.

Right.

May paranoia was in full bloom.

Every time we came out of one of those pool halls,

the blue sedan was cruising by.

Even after we switched from the bus to the car

his tailing didn't improve.

It was almost like he wanted to be spotted.

Barbara? Hmm?

Are you a girl who gets nervous in a car?

Never.

(CAR ENGINE REVVING)

(SHRIEKS)

Barbara, I'm going to the bathroom.

In two minutes, you go to the bathroom.

But, | don't have to go to the bathroom.

Please, go to the bathroom.

But, | don't have to go to the bathroom!

Please?

Okay. But, | don't have to!

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

MAGNUM: When somebody drives a car that tries too hard to be average

and sports a haircut with white sidewalls it usually adds up

to one thing, government.

But, why would the government care about Barbara's missing fiance?

That's funny. You know, Higgins’ usually has the dogs greet me.

Yeah, me too.

Except today he was in a really, really good mood,

kept laughing and saying something about busing.

Why don't you make yourself at home, T.C.

Yeah, that's what I'm doing.

Uh, where's the powder room?

He ain't got one of them!

My bathroom is right through there.

Thanks.

Rick, | want you to check a, a light blue sedan

for me, license number 55678.

It's a... A government vehicle or a rental.

And, the driver, well he's uh, early twenties, blonde,

yeah a government type.

Yeah, uh, thanks.

What are you doing?

The Iron Man contest. Oh, no, T.C.

No way, | told you | am not entering that! Don't start again!

Not even to save Island Hoppers?

| mean, | figure what | need is better promotion, better advertising.

What could be better than to have the company name

in front of the public in a big fancy...

Oh, | see! You're entering the race!

Did | hear somebody mention a race?

Oh, yeah. It's the Iron Man.

It's a big event with men and women if you're into competitive suicide!

See, first you swim five miles in rough water

and then you run a complete 26 mile marathon,

then finally the people that are still alive,

they bicycle a 100 miles.

(LAUGHING) T.C. here is gonna enter.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Not me, you!

Island Hoppers is going to sponsor you in the Iron Man.

Oh, no! No way!

A person's got to be crazy to enter that thing!

Mm-hmm, then that makes you the perfect candidate.

Besides, look at the difference in our bodies.

| mean, I'm all shiny muscle power

but you,

you got the legs to win it!

That's right and | intend to keep them!

| mean, think about this, T.C.

Swimming, running a marathon

and then bicycling a hundred miles.

Oh, hey what, what about all this,

"I'll owe you one T.C.," when does that get paid?

Well, that's different! | mean, that's entirely different!

Vouchers! What about vouchers?

Vouchers for, for gas, vouchers for airtime,

vouchers for this, vouchers for that!

When are you gonna take care of that? I'd do it, T.C.,

| really would but see I'm on a case with Barbara here.

Ah. Now, I've had occasion

during the past 24 hours to scrutinize the body in question.

My analysis? Mediocre reflexes...

Mediocre? Average? Average motor skills...

And speed and endurance of a questionable nature.

Shoot!

Now, there's no way this specimen could complete

let alone compete in the Iron Man competition, unless...

Let me guess.

Well, unless what?

Your boy gets a first-class, knowledgeable, certified trainer

to guide him to a winning body.

Yeah, but where do | get that?

| mean, a dude like that's got to cost big bucks!

Not a dude T.C., a dudette!

Am | right, Barbara?

Modestly, yes. The pride of Bayonne!

The top instructor at the Firmer Body in Ten Days figure salon!

And, in return for my services,

Magnum continues to search for Roger

and then runs the Iron Man to pay his debts to you!

Deal? You got it!

No!

BARBARA: And a one, and a two and a three, and a four

and a one, and a two and a three, and a four,

and a breathe, (BREATHES HEAVILY)

and a one and a two and a breathe!

Good morning, Barbara.

And a down... Very subtle, you're wasting your time,

| don't want to play!

Oh, now Magnum, now the secret here, you see, is knees to chest!

Knees to chest, try it now!

| am heading for a swim and

when | get back, Barbara... Babs!

Call me Babs or Coach or whatever makes you feel comfortable.

Never. | will never call you Coach,

because | promise you | am never going to enter that contest!

Well, what about T.C. and saving the Island Hoppers?

What about Roger and me? | mean, this whole deal

depends on your entering this contest, | mean...

Good morning! MAGNUM: I| am sorry about all that,

believe me and I'd do anything for T.C. Anything else | mean!

And, maybe we can work something out about finding Roger.

Oh, no! | could never accept charity!

Well, then pay me later but just don't talk to me about this contest!

Ah, the contest.

The excitement, the anticipation, the agony.

Now, here are the items you requested courtesy of the household account.

Protein powder, vitamins with an emphasis on B-complex

tuna for tuna shakes. It sounds positively revolting

but I'm sure it's quite nourishing.

Higgins, what is this? Paying out of the household account?

You never pay for anything for me out of...

Wait... How'd you find out about this?

T.C. told me his plans when | let him in last night,

for once | agreed with him and so does Mr. Masters!

It's a capital idea! Robin?

You talked to Robin?

By happy coincidence he phoned last night from Venice.

| took the liberty of informing him of the race.

And, you let him think | was entering?

Higgins, how could you? That's a lie!

A deliberate lie! | must say he was

simply wildly enthusiastic.

Well, he'd been drinking!

| mean he'll probably wake-up tomorrow morning and won't remember a thing!

What better way to ensure the security of the Estate than

for our resident investigator to be in top shape?

But, I've saved the really thrilling news for last.

There's more? To signal his support of your effort.

Robin's sending you something from Italy, air-express.

A world cup racing bicycle from Milan.

| understand it costs 2/00 American.

Terrific!

Do you know a bike like that only weighs seven pounds?

You know what an edge that's gonna give us?

$2700 for a bicycle.

| knew you'd be thrilled.

Let me know if there's anything else | can provide

and by the by, do you have someplace to stay?

Oh, yeah a small hotel on the other side of the island.

I'll make one of the guest rooms available.

SO much more convenient for your training purposes.

Thanks!

And, Magnum best of luck.

| know training can be bloody hell.

MAGNUM: | was prepared to go along with it,

at least until | had the business of Roger figured out.

After all | was in top shape.

Maybe we should take a break.

Nonsense! Whatever you do, don't stop!

Just remember my motto at the exercise salon,

"Beauty knows no pain!"

Just try it, it's gotten more ladies through my class.

Please no philosophy.

We've barely come ten miles!

Now | want to see you sprint from here to the estate!

Go!

"Beauty knows no pain," a go!

Go, or it's an extra 200 sit-ups!

Hi, Ms. Terranova?

We'd like to talk to you.

Magnum! Magnum! Magnum!

"Beauty knows no pain!"

Take it easy, now!

I'm making a citizen's arrest!

Oh, come on lady! Hey!

BARBARA: Stop it! Get your hands off me!

Gold teeth!

Don't make this any harder than it has to be.

Oh, let her go! Let her go!

Let's get out of here, we're gonna draw a crowd!

(CAR ENGINE REVVING)

Just don't lie there, get them!

MAGNUM: Wait, Higgins!

Wait, easy! (EXCLAIMS)

Better? Oh.

A little trick | learned in Shanghai

just after the war from a sturdy little, Oriental chap

that demonstrated using dogs.

Actually, it's still pretty bad.

| think it may be out of action for several days.

No swimming with this.

Perhaps a little acupuncture.

Let me just get my needles and we'll try some simple muscle testing.

On the other hand, activity could be good for circulation.

Ah! Ah!

Let's go back to the guest house,

I'll give you hot packs alternating with cold packs. No.

Not so fast, aren't you forgetting something?

You mean?

Yes, as a matter of fact. The Hardy Boys out there,

especially the one with Roger's teeth.

| was just gonna tell you about that.

You were just so busy with beauty and pain that it slipped your mind.

Roger doesn't have any gold teeth.

Well, these two guys came to see me in Bayonne

about six weeks ago.

Looking for Roger.

What story did they give you?

Even at the exercise salon it sounded phony!

They knew | was his girlfriend and if | saw him

they wanted me to give him some money,

a check for a couple of thousand they said he loaned them,

well | returned it, naturally.

Naturally. Magnum,

I'm really scared of those guys, they want to hurt Roger

and | don't know why, but we've got to find him first.

So, you made up the whole story about the gold teeth

to find them while we were looking for Roger?

Do you have a photograph of him?

Oh, in, in, my bag.

You lied to me about that!

You said you didn't have one! | know.

Hmm. Fine figure of a man.

Honolulu's a big place, Thomas.

I'll check it out and see what | can turn up.

Come on T.C.., just one beer!

You're in training, I'm not going to have my contestant

barfing his guts all over the race from guzzling beer!

Okay, okay have it your way!

Just because | thought it'd help me forget

how sore my shoulder really is.

Aw, well beauty knows no pain and | should know.

Cut that out!

You really believe everything she's telling you about Roger, huh?

Yeah, sure.

Well, 65% | believe.

Hey man, what about that, uh, government guy in the sedan?

Why is he nosing around? Oh, great!

Goons in government.

That's big time, that's mob, Thomas!

Rick, | am not jumping to any conclusions!

Just 'cause it looks like...

Just 'cause it looks like he is a government witness.

Whoa! Roger's a mob stool pigeon?

Bullets flying all over the place and you've got a race?

You really believe her, huh? Rick!

Okay, okay. | told you I'd check it out

and Thomas, | will check it out.

Um, Thomas, listen | thought after the race

I'd throw a little celebration, like a congratulation gesture.

Yeah, yeah. Just, just, us guys!

Yeah, and maybe a couple of TV reporters!

You know, a human interest story,

get a little publicity for T.C., you know,

war buddy helps pal. Yeah.

TV reporter?

Yeah, how about some wire service stringers

Rick and a couple of photographers,

Life magazine... Thomas? Thomas?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Magnum, it's here! Tada!

It's glorious, isn't it?

HIGGINS: I'm surprised that it arrived so soon!

Yay, terrific.

I'll just have a go with the gears and you can take her out for a spin.

Double time it, Magnum! Swimsuit on!

Mr. Higgins, if you could have it ready

by the time Magnum finishes his swim that would be perfect.

No problem.

Actually, Magnum, | quite envy you in the bike race

because the course cuts through the Austin Memorial Gardens,

which are normally off limits to visitors.

BARBARA: I've been there!

HIGGINS: You have?

Yeah, well, Roger wrote about the Austin Gardens a lot

so it was the first place | went when | landed.

Oh, he worked there when he first came to the islands.

Why didn't you tell me this?

I'm your investigator!

| don't Know.

Well, he wasn't there!

They didn't know where he'd gone,

but they said he was wonderful with tropical flowers!

We have got to talk!

When you've had your swim then we'll try out the new bike!

Barbara, | have the feeling you're stringing me along

and it's going to stop, now!

What?

You don't think Roger proposed to me?

Oh, or you think I'm the kind of girl that never gets proposed to!

No, that's not what | mean.

Well, I'll have you know that in high school

| was voted queen of the Friday Night Dance, twice

and | was head cheerleader my junior year!

Barbara!

Now, look what other places did he write to you about?

None.

Unless you count the place on the card he sent me to propose.

"Dear Babs, this is where all our dreams will come true.

"The Old Hawaiian Aloha Wedding Chapel."

That's a proposal?

(SCOFFS)

Well, wouldn't any reasonable girl take that as a proposal?

Did you go there?

Without Roger?

For heaven sakes, why?

Excuse me? Excuse me? Yoo-hoo, yoo-hoo!

You can't go in there right now!

I'm very sorry!

You can't go in there right now,

there's a ceremony in progress.

That's all right, we're just looking for a friend.

Mm-hmm.

You mean you're not the future Mr. and Ms. Lloyd Brockman?

Do we look like a bridal couple?

Uh, uh...

Don't you wish to be married here?

Yes. No.

Hmm, oh, | see.

| wonder if it'd be possible if we could see your gardens?

Oh, yes!

Even in Hawaii we're famous for our gardens.

It's right around there,

and for our weddings too, of course.

Thank you very much.

OLD LADY: You're welcome!

That was a fast answer.

Have you ever been married? No.

Engaged? No.

How about heavy fooling around?

Never on the first date

and then only if the girl is sincere and will respect me.

(LAUGHING)

All right everyone, picture time!

Come over here, Misses, um...

And over here for you, Mister, uh...

BARBARA: Roger?

Babs?

Roger?

Babs!

on Oh!

What are you doing here?

Didn't you get my telegram?

Roger, what did you do to your hair?

Roger, where's your mustache?

Who's he?

Oh, this is a private investigator!

A cop?

MAGNUM: Uh, wait, no, a private investigator, see?

You don't understand!

Roger, wait! | love you, Roger!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Get in the car!

(ALL CLAMORING)

U.S. Treasury Department, you two are in big trouble.

MAGNUM: /t was a double blow to my ego,

the good guys were bad guys and vice versa.

The dumb kid in the blue sedan turned out to be a mafia hit man,

while gold teeth and his partner were really Treasury agents.

And, all of them, including Barbara and ! were hunting for Roger.

For different reasons, of course.

It seems the love of Barbara's life

used to be Godfather Bracito's gardener.

One day while tending the roses he dug up $2,000,000

from an armored car robbery that had been cooling

until the statute of limitations had run out.

Roger dropped it into a fertilizer bag and walked away.

In a funny way | had to admire him.

Walking out of a Don's estate with $2,000,000 in a bag of bat guano.

Barbara?

Barbara.

| can't believe it.

Why didn't he tell me?

Well, maybe he loved you too much to involve you.

Oh! You think so?

Well, he wrote you all those letters

after he already had the $2,000,000.

How many guys do you know who would do that

if they didn't love you?

We've got to find him.

Oh, don't worry, Babs,

this guy with a gun won't harm him until

he has the money and Roger's not dumb enough to tell him where it is!

We won't give up! Well...

We'll just keep looking.

Today, tomorrow.

Oh, not tomorrow, the race is tomorrow!

Well, Roger's more important than the race!

Oh, Thomas, you know | get this feeling down deep in my solar plexus,

that if you really try, | mean, really try real hard

you can win this race!

And if you win everything will be okay for Roger and me.

| mean, the police will find him

and he'll give back the money and we'll get married.

You know what | mean?

Yeah, | know.

Beauty knows no pain. Yeah.

~ Beyond the reef

< Where the sea is dark and cold

~ My love has gone

~ And our dreams grow old

f Someday I'll know

~ She'll come back... f

Now, remember Thomas, this is your best event so don't go saving your energy

for the other events, you got it? Yeah.

Don't forget now!

Hey man, | don't want to put any kind of pressure on you,

but | bet every dime I've got on you.

You what?

| guess | got carried away.

No pressure? You call that no pressure?

Trainer coming through, excuse me.

RICK: All right, come on. Just take it easy.

All right, has anyone given him a salt tablet?

No.

Okay, got your glucose, your dry socks, liniment, bandages.

Bandages? Bandages?

Just relax, okay? Relax.

Come on, Magnum. Warm-up, warm-up.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, get them legs going!

Get them legs in shape!

ANNOUNCER: Two minutes, swimmers. Two minutes.

Oh, no.

Between the bicycling and the running,

don't use too much on the swimming!

What?

What do you think you're doing?

I'm sorry, no one informed me of the dress code. However...

Knees to chest, knees to chest!

You received this cablegram from Robin Masters.

ANNOUNCER: One minute. Swimmers to your mark! One minute.

Since your hands appear to be a bit shaky, I'll take the liberty.

God!

Knees to chest, knees to chest! Okay, all right!

Now, bend over, bend down and take a deep breath.

And, up.

HIGGINS: "All best wishes and good luck,

"everyone here expecting news of your great victory.

"Warmest regards, Robin Masters."

Not that he wants you to feel obligated to win, I'm sure.

ANNOUNCER: Thirty seconds.

Trainers leave your contestants, please.

Relax.

Don't worry, Thomas, you'll do it.

Good luck, old chap.

Just be cool, just be cool!

| only bet the farm!

(SIGHS)

ANNOUNCER: On your mark,

get set...

(GUN FIRES)

Come on! Go!

BARBARA: Looking great, huh?

| don't know, did he seem a tad bit tense to you?

RICK: Come on, Higgins! Let's go!

Well, just take all day Higgy Baby!

(HORN HONKING)

MAGNUM: Maybe beauty knows no pain, but | knew ! did.

| figured the only way | could get through the day

was to put my body on automatic pilot

and concentrate on something else.

The trouble was, all | could think about was Roger!

If gold teeth was right,

he wasn't in a hell of a Jot of trouble.

Not with the Feds anyway.

He'd stolen money, but he'd stolen it from a thief!

If Roger turned it in before the statute of limitations

on the crime ran out next week, he'd probably get a reward!

BARBARA: Come on, hurry up! They're due here any minute!

RICK: All right, all right!

MAGNUM: Which brought me to Barbara.

Why didn't he meet her at the airport?

Did he have cold feet about marrying her

or couldn't he show up because he knew someone was following him?

But if he knew, why didn't he just take the money and run?

Call her in a couple weeks from Tahiti or wherever.

Now, remember the drill. All right, now T.C.,

you towel him dry... Right!

And get him into the running shorts. Running shorts.

Okay, uh, Rick, shoes and socks. Shoes and socks.

And don't forget the foot powder. Foot powder.

|, myself, have exactly four ounces of glucose.

I'll get it! Wait.

I'll get it.

Come on, Magnum!

Come on, Thomas!

Come on, Magnum! Move it!

Which one is he?

RICK: He's right there! Can't you see?

Come on!

Oh, yeah, | do! Come on!

Come on, Thomas!

Come on! Come on! Come over this way!

BARBARA: Come on, Magnum!

Come on!

(SINGING HAWAIIAN SONG)

RICK: Hurry up! T.C.: This way!

Over this way! Over this way!

Come on, over this way!

RICK: Come on you big lug!

T.C.: Come on! Come on!

How am | doing?

This is your best event?

Just great! A champ in contention all the way!

T.C., you're killing me!

Yeah, well I've got to get you dry, man.

Here, take off your trunks and hold this.

And then put on these jogging shorts.

People are watching!

Here, come on. Come on, drink this very slowly.

Slow!

Babs, damn it! Turn around!

I'm your trainer!

| don't suppose anyone here knows the origin of the marathon.

The Greeks led the Persians in battle on a great plain called Marathon,

the Greeks were victorious and started running back to the city

for the glorious meal.

The distance was that of the modern marathon, 26 miles.

Rick, what are you doing?

Another sock coach, one more sock!

Oh, come on, lacing up shoes!

RICK: Shoes laced!

Oh, they're too tight! Too tight!

T.C., I'm dry, I'm dry!

He stumbled through the gates of the city, cried out "Rejoice, rejoice,"

and fell dead.

There's a lesson there!

Come on! Go Magnum, go!

Remember, knees to chest!

Chop-chop chaps, to the van!

Come on!

MAGNUM: ! was dying!

Everything confirmed it, my lungs, my head, my aching muscles.

So, | concentrated on Roger.

| tried to think of all the reasons Roger didn't leave the island

when he knew the mafia and the Feds were on his tail!

It came down to either a great love for Babs

or he couldn't get his hands on the money.

Yeah, | settled on the money, too.

| thought of all the ways it might be tied-up, investments, stocks,

gold, land, ways that would take a while to liquidate.

After 26 miles, | decided it was none of the above.

He'd hidden it somewhere and he couldn't put his hands on it immediately!

By the time | got on the bicycle | was ready to fall over dead,

I'd never make a hundred miles!

There was no way!

Not even if | concentrated on Roger and his problem!

Impossible, but I had to try.

Beauty knows no pain!

He'd hidden the money, he had to.

The statute of limitations was almost up, but he couldn't get it

because it was inaccessible.

I had it, | had the answer only

| was so damn tired | couldn't pull it out of my brain!

WOMAN: All right, here they come. All right.

Come on, come on, come on.

(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

I'm telling you, | don't know where it is!

| buried it under a Bougainvillea Persille!

But, that was a year ago, the whole garden's changed since then!

Ain't buying it, Roger!

Now, the sun's almost going down and the race is over,

if you don't get that money before they close this place,

there's gonna be something else planted here!

What's with the tender loving care? Pull it up!

T.C.: Nine, ten,

11, 12...

Thirteen? There are 13 riders ahead of him!

This is ridiculous!

It's okay, he could still win, there's still 13 miles to go!

Come on, Magnum!

Come on!

Did you enjoy the flowers?

MAGNUM: That was it. The flowers, it had to be!

Roger had hidden the money here in the gardens where he used to work.

No!

What are you trying to do?

RICK: You jerk, you're going the wrong way!

T.C.: Turn around, turn around!

It must be the running heat! | saw it happen several times in England.

| remember watching the Roger Punjammers racing elephants in July...

On the Tigris plain there was this road full...

Come on, will you, Higgins?

...he got behind the raja's elephant and tried to mount him.

Uh, the elephant not the raja.

Extraordinary!

(HORN HONKING)

RICK: Oh, hold it T.C., there's his bike!

Magnum?

Let's split up. I'll go this way!

Okay.

Heliconia Carabea.

Fascinating.

Not, as commonly thought, called Lobster Claw.

Alpinia indigenous to New Guinea.

Marvelous.

Ah, Alpinia Oceanica!

Splendid.

BUDDY: You're time's running out!

ROGER: Uh! | think it was closer to the waterfall.

You see, | buried it at night and l...

BUDDY: Find it! ROGER: Yes.

Roger! Babs!

Oh! Oh!

Why didn't you tell me?

| couldn't, it was too dangerous.

You might get hurt.

Terrific idea.

Now, look you'd better find it or...

(GUN COCKING)

You buried the money here?

Yeah, a year ago. Only everything's changed so much

| haven't been able to find it!

I'm not a thief, Babs! Well...

Really I'm not.

It was just so tempting, but | decided to turn it in for the reward money,

only | had to find it first

and today's the only day | could get in here without making everyone suspicious!

It's okay, it's okay.

Even if you wanted to keep the money and be a thief,

just tell me you wanted to marry me!

Of course, didn't you get my proposal.

The postcard?

With the wedding chapel on it.

Would you guys find it?

| love you, Roger.

| love you, Babs.

(GROANS)

(GROANING)

Barbara!

You creep!

Babs! Coach!

Enough!

Ah, Magnum, there you are.

You realize, of course, you have no chance of winning.

RICK: Well, Buddy's not saying a word.

Catching him with a gun is enough.

The guy's a three time loser.

You know they're going to put him away for life, probably 300 years!

And the money? They still haven't found it?

Roger didn't exactly give them a pinpoint location.

They're liable to be digging up that place until the next Iron Man race!

HIGGINS: He seemed sure it was in the Bougainvillea Persille.

They'll find it and then we'll get married and go back to Bayonne

and I'll open an exercise school

and he'll open a little tropical flower shop.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, an everybody will come out of this

pile of bat guano smelling like a rose except me!

Just think, man, I'm the one who put up the money to sponsor you!

You forget, Robin Masters made a sizable contribution

without expecting any publicity for it!

Robin, what about me? | put up the food, the booze, the potato chips, the...

Stop it, all of you!

Tom did his best. He saved Roger, didn't he?

RICK: Hey, tape it, the race is on!

Oh, hey, man. Spare me!

| don't want to look at no race, | don't want to remember

about no race!

TV ANNOUNCER: The famed Iron Man Classic drew a record number of competitors!

The big surprise of the event came in the last leg,

the one hundred mile bicycle portion,

when a rider sponsored by Island Hoppers

suddenly reversed field as he exited the famed Austin Memorial Gardens.

We've got some footage of that Island Hoppers biker

who certainly lived up to his sponsor's name!

Whoever you are Island Hopper, we admire your style!

Yee-haw! Look at that.

NEWSWOMAN: And that's the news from all of us to all of you.

Goodnight!