Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:02,736
* Men.
2
00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:04,238
Walden, are you almost ready?
3
00:00:04,305 --> 00:00:07,741
WALDEN:
Almost.
(sighs)
4
00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:11,212
How is it possible that I am
always ready before you are?
5
00:00:11,279 --> 00:00:12,780
Hey, it takes a lot of work
6
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,483
to make it look
like I don't care how I look.
7
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,485
Please, let's go.
I'm starving.
8
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:19,720
Just give me a minute.
I'm having a bad beard day.
9
00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:22,223
Is there such a thing
as a good beard day?
10
00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:23,891
Absolutely.
11
00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:26,160
Usually I wake up,
and it's all soft and fluffy,
12
00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:27,661
but I must have
slept on it wrong,
13
00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:30,030
'cause this side's, like,
flat and listless.
14
00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:32,233
Oh, if it's causing
you such problems,
15
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:34,235
why don't you
just shave it off?
16
00:00:34,302 --> 00:00:36,036
I thought you loved my beard.
17
00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:37,905
No, I never
said that.
18
00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:42,110
Then why'd you go out
with me in the first place?
19
00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:44,912
I don't judge a person
by what's on the surface.
20
00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:48,349
Yeah, but yet you're asking me
to shave my surface.
21
00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:49,783
Yes, please.
22
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:51,719
Wow.
23
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:53,521
I mean, is there anything else
24
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:56,457
about me that's not
working for you?
25
00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,626
As long as you ask,
26
00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:02,863
I'm not crazy about the
Jennifer Aniston hairdo.
27
00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:10,538
Okay. This is...
28
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:12,740
I'm-I'm... I'm a little...
I'm a little confused here.
29
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,875
I thought you liked
the way I looked.
30
00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,277
Oh, I do. I do.
31
00:01:16,344 --> 00:01:19,680
I just think I'd like it better
if the ratio of hair to face
32
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:22,616
was more on the
face side of things.
33
00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:25,153
Well, I will definitely
give it some thought.
34
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:28,689
Oh. I don't want you to do
anything you don't want to do.
35
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:31,559
Although, to be fair, I did
remove some hair for you.
36
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,528
After I almost
choked to death.
37
00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:41,635
Okay, just need to post
a profile picture,
38
00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:45,005
and let the dating begin.
39
00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:48,776
(computer beeping)
40
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:51,011
(click)
41
00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:55,048
Whoa.
42
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,551
To Catch a Predator.
43
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,456
(beeping)
44
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:03,724
(click)
45
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:09,163
Hello, sailor!
46
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,235
(beeping)
47
00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:15,503
(click)
48
00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:20,808
Wow. More chins
than a Chinese phone book.
49
00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:24,745
Hey. We're heading out.
50
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,280
Have a nice dinner.
51
00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:27,948
What are you going
to do tonight?
52
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:29,683
Well, I don't want
to jinx myself,
53
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:33,020
but I'm hoping to rub one out
and be asleep by 10:00.
54
00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:35,356
Rub one out?
55
00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:37,191
Oh, he's gonna wait
till we leave,
56
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:38,792
watch some porn
and masturbate.
57
00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:40,594
Ah.
58
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:41,929
Oh. Ick.
59
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,130
You know what?
60
00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:44,565
Don't just hang
out here alone.
61
00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:47,601
Why don't you just
join us for dinner?
62
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,603
Oh, no, no, no. I don't want
to be a third wheel.
63
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:50,938
You two kids have a great time.
64
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,040
Thank you.
No.
65
00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:54,375
We insist.
66
00:02:54,442 --> 00:02:56,777
Tell him, Zoey.
67
00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,947
Do join us, won't you?
68
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,749
Great.
69
00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:03,617
Rain check.
Where we eating?
70
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:07,087
I was thinking about trying out
that new Italian place on PCH.
71
00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:09,089
Ooh, really? Italian?
That's kind of heavy.
72
00:03:09,156 --> 00:03:10,624
What are you
in the mood for?
73
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,560
Oh, no, no. It's your night.
I'm just tagging along.
74
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,595
I was rather looking
forward to Italian, so...
75
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:16,830
Well, you heard her.
The queen wants pasta.
76
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:20,901
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
77
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:23,871
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
78
00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:27,174
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
* Ooh
79
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:30,311
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men *
* Ooh
* Ooh
80
00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:32,179
* Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... *
81
00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:34,882
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
82
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:37,951
* Ooh
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
83
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:42,890
* Ah.
* Men.
* Men.
84
00:03:55,503 --> 00:03:57,638
Darling, you have
some crumbs.
85
00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:59,206
Oh. Thank you.
86
00:03:59,273 --> 00:04:00,240
Mm.
87
00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:02,310
That's another advantage
of having a beard.
88
00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:05,479
After dinner, you always have
something left to snack on.
89
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:07,381
Charming.
90
00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:09,517
She's not crazy
about the facial hair.
91
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:10,784
Oh, are you kidding?
92
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,586
He looks so rugged and sexy.
93
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:13,921
Grr.
94
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,289
Well, if it's such
a wonderful look,
95
00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:16,457
why don't you grow a beard?
96
00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:18,191
Oh, I tried.
Grew in patchy.
97
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,594
I looked like a possum on chemo.
98
00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:23,464
Oh. Well, I think
most women would agree
99
00:04:23,531 --> 00:04:25,198
that men look
much more attractive
100
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,567
when they're
properly groomed.
101
00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:27,601
Really?
102
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:29,102
I've always been
properly groomed,
103
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:31,204
and all it's gotten me
is two divorces
104
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,806
and carpal tunnel syndrome.
105
00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:35,576
Oh. Ick.
106
00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:39,046
Alan, check out the bar.
107
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:43,717
Oh. Wow.
108
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,686
She looks fantastic.
109
00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:47,020
Who's that?
110
00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:48,255
It's Alan's old girlfriend.
111
00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:50,090
(laughs):
You're joking.
112
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:53,794
What's that supposed to mean?
113
00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:56,029
Nothing. Well done. Well done.
114
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,900
Alan, go say hello to her.
115
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,736
Oh, I don't know. I mean,
as much as I'd like to see her,
116
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,905
I'm not sure
she still wants to see me.
117
00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,707
Uh, it didn't end well.
118
00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:07,941
What happened?
119
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:11,379
Did she catch you
rubbing one out?
120
00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:13,046
Did I say that right?
That was perfect.
121
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:14,314
Yeah? Okay.
122
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:17,451
Just go say hello to her.
123
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,052
(sighs)
124
00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:21,355
Well, guess
it couldn't hurt.
125
00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:23,457
I mean, she does look
a little pathetic
126
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:25,359
just sitting there
all by herself
127
00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:27,995
waiting to get hit on
by some loser.
128
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:30,431
By all means,
save her from that.
129
00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:33,934
All right, wish me luck.
130
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,603
Good luck.
131
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,405
Go get 'em.
132
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:41,542
Seriously, what's
wrong with her?
133
00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:44,011
Hey, stranger.
134
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:45,979
Alan!
(chuckles)
135
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:48,549
Hi! How have you been?
136
00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:49,750
Uh, good. Good. You?
137
00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:51,985
Real good.
138
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:54,154
Well, you look beautiful.
139
00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:57,090
Thank you.
140
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:59,159
Yeah, I've been
working out.
141
00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:00,761
Good.
142
00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:03,431
Good, good. So, uh, what are
you doing here all by yourself?
143
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:05,065
Oh, well...
Sorry.
144
00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:08,301
I don't think that valet has
ever driven a Ferrari before.
145
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,938
Alan, this is
my friend Dylan.
146
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:12,172
Dylan, this is Alan.
147
00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:13,306
Oh, hey.
Hey, Alan.
148
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,842
Uh, Dylan, huh?
149
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,043
Uh, named after Bob?
150
00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:17,044
No, named after my dad.
151
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,612
He was named after Bob.
152
00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:21,214
(laughs):
Okay. Okay.
153
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:23,350
Uh, well, it was
nice to meet you.
154
00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:25,886
Uh, Lyndsey, it's always
great to see you.
155
00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:29,022
Um, I-I should get
back to my date.
156
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:32,460
Yeah, Walden's trying to
set me up with his baby sister.
157
00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:33,527
She's very pretty.
158
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:35,563
Oh, yeah, she's okay.
159
00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:36,830
(chuckles)
160
00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:45,873
Uh, it's a very
close family.
161
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:52,179
(coughing)
162
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,586
Seems overly complicated.
163
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:00,454
What?
164
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:03,991
Why don't they just make chips
with the dip already on 'em?
165
00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:06,226
Dude.
166
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:08,629
Dude...
167
00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:11,264
that's a million-dollar idea.
168
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:13,834
What is?
169
00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:15,936
Pre-dipped chips.
170
00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:19,807
See, that's
a million-dollar idea.
171
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:22,943
What's a million-dollar idea?
172
00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:25,646
It's an idea
worth a million dollars.
173
00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:29,883
Boy, I wish I had one of those.
174
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,384
(muttering, snickering)
175
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,954
I can't believe they brought
back Beavis and Butt-Head.
176
00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:37,390
Yeah. Those guys are,
like, too stupid to live.
177
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:40,661
(both snickering)
178
00:07:40,728 --> 00:07:41,795
(door opens)
179
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:43,797
Uh-oh. That's my dad.
180
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:46,066
Quick, give me
that air freshener.
181
00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:51,939
This is bug spray, dude.
182
00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:55,509
Says it's for roaches.
183
00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:00,147
Perfect.
184
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,383
Just forget about her, Alan.
185
00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:05,653
I'm sure Zoey has some single
friends she can fix you up with.
186
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:07,054
No, I don't. Sorry.
187
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,923
I just can't get over
how young the guy is.
188
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:13,126
Well, a clean-shaven face
will do that for a man.
189
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,830
Well, thanks again for dinner.
190
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:19,867
I really thought
I was gonna eat both lobsters.
191
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:24,572
You really don't have
any single friends?
192
00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:27,841
Shh. Just
keep walking.
193
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,009
Hey.
194
00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:30,477
Hey.
Hey.
195
00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:32,112
Oh, my God!
196
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,246
Is that bug spray?
197
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:36,083
Yeah, we were just
getting rid of some roaches.
198
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:40,120
Maybe we need
to call an exterminator.
199
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:42,556
I think we need
to call Domino's.
200
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,895
Mind if I hang out
with you guys?
201
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:50,798
Sure.
202
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,468
(snickering)
203
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,337
Who's dumber
than Beavis and Butt-Head?
204
00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:59,940
(all snickering)
205
00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:02,442
Oh, hey, Eldridge,
I ran into your mom tonight.
206
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:04,712
Really? Was she with Dylan?
207
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:06,279
Yeah, yeah.
Have you met him?
208
00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:08,415
What's he like?
Is it serious?
209
00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:10,651
I doubt it. He's gay.
210
00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:11,719
What? He's gay?
211
00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:13,854
Oh, yeah, big poof.
212
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:16,990
Always hugging me
a little too long.
213
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:20,027
Wait. Are we talking
about the guy with the Ferrari?
214
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:21,461
Yeah. Dylan.
215
00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:23,831
I once saw him wearing
my mom's underwear.
216
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:27,134
Oh, well, that doesn't mean
he's gay. He...
217
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:33,373
He might just like
pretty things.
218
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:39,046
Um, does your mom
ever mention me?
Yeah.
219
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:41,114
Yeah, all the time.
She really misses you.
220
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:43,150
You should stop by some time.
221
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:45,185
Huh.
222
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,019
(sighs)
223
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,587
Well, it's not too late.
224
00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:52,259
Maybe I'll wander over there
and carpe me some diem.
225
00:09:57,364 --> 00:09:58,732
Way to get rid of him.
226
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,267
Thanks.
227
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:01,368
Was any of it true?
228
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:04,838
Not a word.
229
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:11,344
What does "carpe me
some diem" mean?
230
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:14,748
It's French
for "bang your mom."
231
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:18,686
* Men.
232
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,220
Mmm.
Mmm. Hang on.
233
00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:22,089
(spits)
234
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,623
Beard.
235
00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:25,693
Oh, please.
236
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:27,527
I know what you're
trying to do.
237
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:28,862
What?
238
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:30,664
Do you really hate
my beard that much?
239
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:33,066
"Hate" is a very strong word.
240
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,735
But, yeah, I hate it.
241
00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:36,136
Okay, I don't
understand.
242
00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:37,871
We've been going out
for a couple months.
243
00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:39,740
Why is it all of a
sudden the problem?
244
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:41,942
(sighs)
All right.
245
00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:44,244
This is probably
going to sound very shallow,
246
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:47,715
but there's a cocktail party
at my office this weekend,
247
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:50,183
and since I'm on the fast track
to make partner,
248
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:54,587
I'd rather not show up
with Hipster Jesus.
249
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,163
You're right, that
did sound shallow.
250
00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:05,498
I'm sorry.
251
00:11:05,565 --> 00:11:07,968
But if it's that
important to you
252
00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:09,970
and the people you work with--
who obviously have never heard
253
00:11:10,037 --> 00:11:11,471
of Steve Wozniak,
Richard Branson
254
00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:13,741
or freakin'
Santa Claus...
255
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:17,945
I'll do it.
256
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,479
Really?
257
00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:20,647
Yes, really.
258
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:22,115
And you'll cut the hair, too?
259
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,384
Aw, man!
260
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:25,385
Fine.
261
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:26,987
(squeals)
262
00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:28,756
Thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you, thank you.
263
00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:31,024
Now, what can I do
to make you happy?
264
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:31,825
Well...
265
00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:33,693
Besides that.
Aw.
266
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:40,768
LYNDSEY (moaning):
Oh, Dylan!
267
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:42,736
Oh, yes, Dylan!
268
00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:44,772
Oh! Yes!
269
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,606
Dylan! Yes!
270
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:47,307
Dylan!
271
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:48,308
Big poof, my ass.
272
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,811
Yes! Yes! Yes!
273
00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,813
Yes! Yes!
I hate that kid.
274
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,382
Yes, Dylan! Yes!
275
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,588
* Men.
276
00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:03,456
So why'd you quit
being a hairdresser?
277
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:06,259
They shut down the prison.
278
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:07,360
You were in prison?
279
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,930
No, I was
a prison barber.
280
00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:12,665
Which, to be honest,
was mostly about lice control
281
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,836
and trading sex for cigarettes.
282
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:17,537
What's going on?
283
00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:20,507
I'm getting cleaned up
for Zoey's office party.
284
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,876
Wow. So you finally caved.
285
00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:24,477
I did not cave.
286
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:26,980
Just want to make her happy.
287
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:28,315
Oh, yeah, I get it.
288
00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:29,682
I've spent my whole life
289
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,684
doing what I'm told
to make women happy.
290
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:34,021
No, Zoey didn't order me
to shave or cut my hair.
291
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,322
It's my choice.
292
00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:36,756
Yeah, and when I was
married to Judith,
293
00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:39,292
it was my choice to get
a vasectomy, a new kitchen
294
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:42,329
and a Labradoodle with diarrhea.
295
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:44,597
(cell phone ringing)
296
00:12:44,664 --> 00:12:46,066
Ooh.
297
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:46,699
Excuse me.
298
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:47,835
Hey, Lyndsey.
299
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:50,270
All right, Samson,
what do you want?
300
00:12:50,337 --> 00:12:53,740
Look pretty for your cell mate
or the death row special?
301
00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:57,210
Yeah, yeah,
it was good to see you, too.
302
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,711
W-What?
303
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:02,182
Yeah, I-I would love
to-to get together.
304
00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:03,483
Uh, tomorrow night?
305
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:07,054
Great, I-I'll see you then.
306
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,388
Huh.
307
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:11,825
She's dating a young,
good-looking stud with money.
308
00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:15,628
Why would she want to see me?
309
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,632
Maybe she needs a kidney.
310
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:23,503
* Men.
311
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,172
(knocking)
312
00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:31,845
Surprise.
313
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:34,381
Walden, you promised.
314
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:35,482
I know. I'm sorry.
315
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:36,917
I just, I couldn't do it.
316
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:38,751
Then why did you
tell me you would?
317
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:41,621
Because I wanted you
to stop nagging me.
318
00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:42,655
Are you calling me a nag?
319
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:44,391
No, I did not say that.
320
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:45,792
I said you were nagging.
321
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:47,527
What's the difference?
322
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:49,462
Obviously the "ging."
323
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,999
Walden, you gave me your word.
324
00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:55,903
I-I was gonna go through
with it, and then I realized
325
00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:59,539
this is who I am, and if
you don't like me for who I am,
326
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:00,640
then what's the point?
327
00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:02,809
The point is you lied to me!
328
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:04,277
N-No, it wasn't a lie.
329
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:05,745
I meant it when I said it.
330
00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:08,148
But you said it
to stop me "nagging!"
331
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:08,882
That's right.
332
00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:10,483
No, that's wrong!
333
00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:13,786
No, what you were trying
to make me do-- that's wrong.
334
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:17,090
Now, are we going to your
stupid office party or what?
335
00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:20,460
Okay, so I guess you're
going with the "or what!"
336
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:23,863
You know what, thank you
for showing me your true colors
337
00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:26,967
before I fell
hopelessly in love with you!
338
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:28,068
Uh-oh.
339
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:30,870
Excuse me?
340
00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,741
* Men.
341
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,278
I have missed you
so much.
342
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:39,846
I missed you, too.
343
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:42,149
Uh, maybe this is the
wrong time to ask this,
344
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,551
but don't you
have a boyfriend?
345
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:45,818
We broke up.
346
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,454
So you left
Dylan for me?
347
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,122
(chuckles)
Don't be silly.
348
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,159
Wait, wait.
349
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,426
So-So he left you?
350
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,262
No.
351
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:56,729
O-Okay, I'm confused.
352
00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:58,198
Do you really want to know?
353
00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:00,567
Actually, I
think I'm good.
354
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:01,768
(sighs)
355
00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:03,937
Do you have any idea
how exhausting it is
356
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,738
going out with a gorgeous
25-year-old man?
357
00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:08,408
If I said "yes," this would be
a whole different conversation.
358
00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:10,210
Let me give you an example.
359
00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:12,812
Every morning, I had to get up
an hour before him
360
00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:15,015
to put on makeup
so he wouldn't open his eyes
361
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,884
and think he just
nailed his mom.
362
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,154
Nobody wants that.
363
00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:22,855
And that's not
the worst part.
364
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,425
A man his age wants
to have sex constantly.
365
00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:26,626
And that's a problem?
366
00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:28,661
After a certain point, yes.
367
00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:30,363
There's not enough
cranberry juice in the world
368
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:33,933
to put out the fire
that's burning between my legs.
369
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,106
Um...
370
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:42,909
Well, the fire between
my legs just went out.
371
00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:45,912
I mean, the entire time
I was with him,
372
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:47,547
I walked out of
the bedroom backwards
373
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:48,848
so he wouldn't see my ass.
374
00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:50,517
What's wrong
with your ass?
375
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:53,186
Oh, Alan.
376
00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:56,223
That's why
I've missed you so much.
377
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,991
I-I don't get it.
378
00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:01,461
Your standards are
so much lower than Dylan's.
379
00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:03,796
I don't have to worry about
disappointing you.
380
00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:07,200
I do set a low bar.
381
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:10,137
Or worry about you leaving me
for a younger woman.
382
00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:12,039
Why not?
You can't get one.
383
00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:15,542
And you want to know
the best part?
384
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,677
It gets better?
385
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:20,913
I could sit here
and fart like a buffalo,
386
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,116
and you'd still
want to be with me.
387
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,686
Well, with age
comes wisdom.
388
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,255
(laughs)
389
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:30,490
A fella learns to breathe
through his mouth.
390
00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:31,691
(chuckles)
391
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,226
Come here, you.
392
00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:36,296
(both moaning)
393
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:37,830
(farts)
394
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,369
You're testing
me, aren't you?
395
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:43,603
I am.
396
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:44,937
(both chuckle)
397
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:49,276
(doorbell rings)
398
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,943
Hang on.
399
00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:56,783
Whew! That's a dead buffalo.
400
00:16:59,286 --> 00:17:00,753
Oh, hey, Zoey.
Hi, Alan.
401
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:01,788
Is Walden here?
402
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:02,989
Uh, you know, I'm not sure.
403
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:04,191
I haven't seen him all day.
404
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:05,792
Uh, Walden,
you up there?!
405
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:06,793
WALDEN:
Coming!
406
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:07,927
(sighs)
407
00:17:07,994 --> 00:17:09,162
Uh, oh, Lyndsey, Zoey.
408
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:10,463
Zoey, Lyndsey.
Hi.
409
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:11,564
Hi.
410
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,066
We just got
back together.
411
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:13,866
Really?
412
00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:15,835
Oh, did that lovely boy die?
413
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:19,206
WALDEN:
Zoey?
414
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:20,140
Hmm?
415
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:32,685
(chuckles)
416
00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:34,854
Oh, my God.
417
00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:36,223
Look at you.
418
00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:37,490
You like it?
419
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,559
Like it?
420
00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:42,129
I'm tempted to rub one out.
421
00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:46,433
But why?
422
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:49,236
Well, it turns out, when you
weren't nagging me to do it,
423
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:50,303
I wanted to.
424
00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:53,273
(sniffs)
425
00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:58,778
What are you
doing here?
426
00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:00,947
I came to apologize for nagging.
427
00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:03,416
I had no right
to try and change you.
428
00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:05,785
Thank you.
429
00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:07,954
I also hoped you might elaborate
430
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:10,423
on that "falling in love"
comment.
431
00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:13,160
I don't know what
you're talking about.
432
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:15,228
(laughs)
433
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:18,331
All right then, come with me.
434
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:19,466
Where are we going?
435
00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:22,068
I want to test drive
this new face of yours.
436
00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:24,103
Oh.
437
00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:25,538
Hop on!
438
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:32,379
That poor girl.
439
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:35,515
Yeah, he looks younger
and prettier than before.
440
00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:40,220
She's gonna have to hold in her
farts till the Fourth of July.
441
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:42,289
Mm-hmm.
442
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,426
* Men.
443
00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:48,461
Here's your
cranberry juice.
444
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:50,330
Thank you.
445
00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:52,365
So, uh, how will you know
446
00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:54,401
when your lady problems
have cleared up?
447
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:57,370
I'll be able to pee
without screaming.
448
00:18:57,437 --> 00:18:59,272
(toilet flushes)
449
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:03,009
Thanks so much
for letting me use your loo.
450
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:04,511
Oh, any time.
(sighs)
451
00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:06,613
I know it's silly,
but I just don't want Walden
452
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:08,381
to hear any of
my bathroom noises.
453
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:09,916
I totally understand.
454
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,651
Thank you. Night.
455
00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:13,353
Good night.
456
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:14,887
(door closes)
457
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:18,258
Dylan took me to Hawaii
for a week, I didn't crap once.
458
00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:21,127
Is that so?
459
00:19:21,194 --> 00:19:22,862
Thank God he fell asleep
on the flight back.
460
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:24,030
Why's that?
461
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:26,333
Gave me a chance to unload.
462
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:29,702
I put the first-class lavatory
totally out of commission.
463
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:31,070
Really?
Yeah.
464
00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:33,773
Stewardess thought
it was a terrorist attack.
465
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:37,310
All right, good night.
466
00:19:39,246 --> 00:19:41,214
Yeah, o-okay.
467
00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:42,282
Good night.
468
00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:45,418
(Zoey and Walden
laughing, giggling)
469
00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:52,825
They don't have what we have.
470
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:55,094
(laughing, giggling continue)
471
00:19:58,331 --> 00:20:00,600
No, they don't.
472
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:02,935
Captioning sponsored by
CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
473
00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:05,305
and TOYOTA.
31734
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof