Original subtitles

'It was a good dream

-my best one.'

'Everything was perfect.'

'My mother was proud of her son's wings.'

'My half-sister, Meg, lost her braces.'

'My other half-sister, Gloria,

had realised my intellectual superiority'

And was quietly respectful to me.'

'My step-fathers were slaves, captured in battle.'

'And, there was a Wac by my side.'

'Not too bright, not too loud.

Hugely attractive.'

'It's a good dream.'

'A John Wayne meets Hugh Hefner philosophy...

if you consider Hef a philosopher, or John Wayne.'

'But whatever the dream,

there's always a face that I can't see...

that I keep missing,

out there beyond the edge of the crowd.'

'This is WJB Boston.'

'It's 70 degrees on the first day of summer, 1968...

a good day to be born a woman...'

Turn it up, I love this song!

It's too loud already.

Turn it up!

Turn it down, Meg.

I like this song, Gloria.

White-trash music.

It's not. It's a good song!

Mother, will you reason with her?

Mother, I was listening to that!

Meg, don't whine. It's so unattractive.

Yeah. Really.

It was wearing down the battery.

No, it wasn't.

Batteries can run for hours like that.

Thank you, Charles.

What a pagan of an engineer we are Charles.

And I thought it was just airplanes you specialized in.

Was I talking to you?

Attention please. This is our pilot, Charles Norstadt.

Yeah, was he talking to you?

Come on, Gloria, spare us.

'It was a good dream.'

Hey Chuck. Did you see that? They ate right out of my hand!

Chuck? Chuck? Wake up!

All right. All right.

You're doing that thing again.

What thing?

You get that look that Barney Fife look on your face.

Where do you go when you do that?

Look, he came this close to my eyes.

Hi.

It's a beautiful day, isn't it?

Are you married?

He's really shy.

You're nuts.

I'm just trying to help Mother.

She doesn't need help.

Marriage is her hobby, like

bridge or pug dog-breeding.

So I wanna make sure the next guy's nice.

More like my dad than Gloria's.

Or mine.

I didn't say that.

Doesn't matter.

I'm not gonna be here much longer anyway.

How? You flunked.

I can take the exam again.

What's so funny?

Nothing. I didn't say anything.

Anyway, she'll never let you go.

Look.

Mother, I'm trying to read.

Oh, come on!

Oh!

Isn't it clever? Yes.

What is this?

Mom?

Mother?

What is it, Charles?

What?

I wanna retake the exam.

You've had your chance, Charles.

You know, but I found that I can

take it again at the end of August.

You know I wasn't happy when you applied to a boarding school.

It's my dad's school.

You know, that'll convince her.

Shut up!

I don't want you at a military academy.

They're fascist and unnatural.

Well, there's no risk letting him take the exam, Mother.

I mean, can you see Charles

cramming Latin and geometry at the cottage?

Look, I'm already studying!

Mother?

All right, Charles.

If you wanna give up your whole vacation, you can try again.

No, not the whole summer.

Charles, you know it takes you longer than most children, right?

It's nothing to be ashamed of.

You're stupid, you're stupid, you're stupid!

Now you're slow!

You know you're Goober Pyle!

Down, boy! Lie down!

I'm, er...

I'm so... sorry.

You know, this tyre's been vandalised.

What?

Yeah. Look.

Half a dozen deliberate punctures.

Oh, look at that.

My God! Who would do something like that?

That's crazy!

Oh! My God! Come here! Come here! Come here!.

What?

Look over there.

Isn't that Hamburger-Head? You know, McLeod?

I thought he never left his dungeon.

Now don't stare. We're not at a circus.

'Will I actually commit the crime?

That is for the coin to decide.'

'Which face will it show? Which side?

The whole, or the ruined?'

'The coin has decided.

And so, Two-Face must strike...'

'as the bells of Gotham City ring out into the murky night.'

Charles! Lunch!

Oh, no! Here she comes.

Better get you out of here, Mac.

Shut up.

Charles, what are you doing here?

I'm studying.

Well, you're not gonna get lunch in bed. Come on!

Charles!

What?

I told you I don't want that rabid beast

in the house again. It isn't safe.

What are you talking about?

I keep Mac outside.

I am in earnest, young man.

Have you seen his cat?

It's so disgusting.

That's enough, Gloria.

-Where are you going? -I'm going to study.

If you need any help...

Hey, Chad!

Chad. What's that kid's...? Chuck!

Chuck! Have you seen Gloria?

Er, yeah. She went off with some guy in a Mustang.

What guy?

I don't know. I mean...

Who's the guy?

I dunno. Just... some guy.

When?

Just now.

Chuck! Wait up!

Jeez!

Hey Chuck, I said wait up!

What are you, my shadow?

Don't compensate by using me

as an emotional punching bag.

Be quiet.

You're too young to talk like that.

Gloria's right you know.

What?

You're never gonna pass it on your own.

Shut up!

Why don't you let me tutor you?

You're ten years old!

What's the problem with my age?

You know I'm smart enough.

Okay. You're a genius. A fender-face genius!

And you're a jerk! I hope you fail

and I hope you have to live with us forever and ever and ever.

What are you gonna do, Chuck?

ask Gloria for help?

Come on Chuck. Don't be such a boy!

Hey, Norstadt!

You're still a virgin!

Catching up on a little reading, are we, Norstadt?

How do you know that school's over, or haven't you heard, wing-nut.

Thanks for the newsflash, brillo-head.

Shut up!

What's goin' on, guys?

Usual. Pearson's got his old man's boat.

-Where are you gonna swim? -Freak beach. You want in?

Come on. You up to it? -Let's go. Come on.

All right. Yeah. Sure.

-Hop in. What are you waitin' for? -Come on. Let's go. Let's go.

Hey, can I come?

-No way. -No flat chicks allowed!

Shut up, you sexist pig!

-Whoa, bra-burner! -Trainer bra-burner!

I'm sure the only bra you'll ever see is your momma's!

What a stupid world.

It's true we could divide all chickdom

into Ginger on the one hand and the Mary-Anne on the other.

But why? But why not let visitors onto this island paradise?

Guest stars. Top of the list, Agent 99.

-Agent 99 sucks. -Bewitched would be good.

Bewitched is married.

-So what? -He'd probably do it with Mrs. Howell.

You guys ever seen the Freak?

McLeod? No. He won't let you see him. Not up close.

-I saw him. -Oh, screw you!

Oh, shut up, Norstadt.

No, I saw him. I saw him on the ferry!

Why would Hamburger-Head go on the boat with normal people?

Not like Norma. He travelled below.

The Hound from Hell was with him.

His wolf?

Get this.

The Freak was this close to me.

But, why would the Freak go to Boston?

Mafia meeting, probably.

-Porno. -What?

He writes porno books.

Get outta here!

It' true.

He gets parcels in the Post Office from New York porn publishers.

How's a freak like that gonna write porno?

What would he write about?

I don't know.

Hey. Maybe his dog!

Shh! Dog! Wait. Did you hear that?

-What? -Listen...

What was that?

Jut get in.

Ow, my finger!

-Wait up, guys! -Come on, Norstadt!

Come on.

Start the motor! Come on!

-Boy, was that close! -Jeez! Was that a wolf?

Did you see the Freak up there, man?

He was scared of the wolf. He was pissin' in his pants!

We gotta go back!

I left my books there! Come on! I left my books!

We gotta go back!

Tell the school the dog ate 'em.

What subject was it, anyway. Latin?

Screw-us you-us! We're not going back.

See ya later, pizza-head!

If he's a cannibal,

I'll just tell him I have bone cancer.

'I don't know what to do with him when he gets that

that expression... that stupid look on his face.'

'What do you see in the ink blot, Charles?'

'Charles, what do you think I mean by the term

'passive aggressive'?'

'Hell, he's his father's son all right.'

'Eric was my third husband and my one real mistake in him.'

I'm sure that's very funny, Charles.

Now, what do you really see?'

'Truth is Charles, you don't care about anybody but yourself.'

'What do you see in the ink blot, Charles?'

John Wayne.

What are you doing here?

What's wrong with you?

Have you got any idea how long you been here?

S... sorry.

It just went off. It's a pretty funny clock.

Funny 'ha-ha', funny strange?

Not sure.

Says you taught at, erm,

Barrett Academy.

Is that a good school?

What do you teach?

What's your name?

Erm, Chuck. Chuck Norstadt.

Well, Chuck Chuck Norstadt, where do you live?

Just on the other side of the harbour.

Then you'd better drink this and go.

Oh, great. Thanks.

Come on, Mickey. Heel.

Mickey really doesn't seem the right name for your dog.

It's kinda like naming Godzilla 'Bambi', huh?

You name him after Mickey Metal or Mickey Mouse?

How's your mother's front tyre?

Fine.

It's a bright night.

You should be able to find your way home, shouldn't you?

Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah.

You found your way here, didn't you?

Mm-hm.

Mm-hm.

It's my bike.

Hey, you still do any teaching, at all?

Reason I ask is...

This may sound crazy, but if you're still in the business,

I could really use some help on an exam.

-Why does that sound crazy? -I don't know,

It's just that I've never thought of you as a teacher.

Nobody does.

Not that I know anything about you or anything.

It won't take a lot of time.

It's just to get into this second-rate boarding school.

Misunderstood, are we?

No. I'm just sick of living with three females,

all brilliant, and being the family retard.

I see.

Nothing at all to do with pre-pubescent angst, then?

It was the school my father went to.

He was in Korea, then he... he died in a jet crash.

Some kind of experimental spy plane.

If it's a matter of money, I can pay you.

No, I don't think you can.

Nice to have met you, Mr. McLeod.

Bucket-head.

There's Great Grandfather MacNeil. He built the cottage.

Far out.

Oh, look at those Presbyterian eyes.

Ooh, terrifying!

Oh, but I can't believe you're interested in all this ancient history.

No. I am, it's all research.

All for my book on the Robber Baringer mine shaft.

That is such an important topic.

Have I told you that it looks like Mark Hughes is gonna write the foreword.

Oh. Mark Hughes?

Oh. Oh Charles!

Charles? Come here, dear.

Hi, man.

I want you to meet

Professor Hartley of Yale. This is my son, Charles.

Just call me Carl.

I don't need any of that Imperialistic Post Hegalian

authoritarian crap for my ego.

Hi... Carl.

She hasn't caught a fish, she's vacuumed up a hairball!

Hi, Chuck.

Go put some dry clothes on.

Good night.

'Arms, I sing.

I am the man...

'who first from the shores of Troy came.'

'Fate exiled to Italy

and her Lovinian strand...'

'..much buffeted he, on flood and field,

by constraint of heaven...'

'and Juno's unslumbering wrath.'

Hi, Mickey. Aren't you the ugliest son of a bitch?

If I had a dog like you,

I'd put a bag over its head.

Yes, I would, you flea-infested sack of worms...

How you doin'?

Beautiful day, isn't it?

Um...

I'm here.

I know you're pressed for time and everything...

but, you know, I was wondering,

maybe you'd be interested in some

some... some... Latin exercises...

just to look over 'em.

I realise you're busy, Mr. McLeod...

but how much work is a couple of Latin passages?

Maybe a little geometry?

I'd like a hole.

I don't understand.

Three feet, cubed. Right here.

Stay.

Listen, I said I could pay you, didn't I?

Three feet cubed.

Hello!

Mr. McLeod?

You can sit here.

Now, I'd like you to write an essay.

Any topic you'd like.

Why? It's not on the exam.

Why did you come here?

Quickly! Don't think, just answer. Why?

For some help. You know.

No. I don't know.

Do you want help or not?

Yeah. I guess so, if you're really a teacher.

Yeah, I guess so... sir.

Yes. I guess so, sir.

Good.

This is the way it works...

adisca alt disceda.

Learn or leave.

Because it's of no consequence to me one way or the other.

Understood?

Yeah.

All, except the part about digging these shit house holes

and writing bullshit.

I haven't got a lot of pity.

You can go now.

Pity yourself, freak! Stupid freak!

Want one?

No, thanks.

According to my sources,

he was a mad professor like Carl here.

'Dr McLeod'

Must be a Harvard man.

No doubt.

Martini?

Martini? Thank you.

Anyway, it was a classic case of murder-suicide.

Butchered his wife, but botched the job on himself.

Go ask Gus the barber, if you don't believe me.

That's not what Gus told me.

When you were getting your hair cut?

He told me he didn't kill his wife,

he killed his boyfriend.

Carl!

Oh what I wanna know what he thinks plastic surgery is for.

Unless he doesn't have the money.

You know, someone told me,

and I assure you, I do not believe this,

but they said they were sure he was one of the Kennedys.

The Kennedys? Well, he certainly resembles one.

Oh, no, no, I didn't mean that. I didn't mean that.

That's the trashiest thing. I can't believe you said that.

Becky. Becky, how many years has McLeod been here?

Six... no, seven.

Seven years.

Every damn summer we end up talking about him.

So?

So, one of these days, I'm gonna go off

and gonna knock on his door and I'm gonna end all this.

Over rotten history.

Oh, Todd, what would be the fun in that?

Hey, how's the scholar doin'?

Gonna make it to West Point yet, are we?

Oh, Todd. Don't remind me.

You know how I hate the idea

of him becoming one of those brush-cut fly boys.

Come on, Catherine, you like to fly.

I like to have the garbage picked up too,

but that doesn't mean I want him driving a sanitation truck.

Kitty, you know this whole air force bit

is something Chuck's just into for the moment.

Once he understands what the Pentagon

is really doing over there in Vietnam...

Are we having this argument again?

No, we're not. Because I'm talking to Kitty.

Besides, I'm too drunk.

I'm just glad he's way too young for the draft.

Uh, you know, actually,

there's nothing I can think of that I'd rather do than

drop napalm for a living.

I... Are you gonna let that...?

Television.

Mine's vodka. What's your excuse?

You gonna marry the hair... Er...

Carl?

I don't know, Charles. What do you think?

Do you think I should?

Your mother's not much use to you these days, is she?

Well, I'm sorry Charles.

But I'm just not cut out for this mothering racket.

God knows, I never expected to have three children,

let alone by three different husbands.

Can I ask you something?

Sure.

Look... you promise not to get mad?

Charles.

Why does Gloria hate me?

Oh, Charles, she doesn't ha...

Because you were born, baby.

But that wasn't my fault.

Oh no, but she didn't know that.

She was four years old. All she knew was

she had a rival for your father's affection.

My father. She hated my father.

She's always telling me what a jerk he was.

The way you do.

Oh, Charles,

I never meant that.

I just didn't know how to...

Morning, all.

About who? Who are we talking about?

Charles' father.

Oh, yes?

Whoa.

Is this what you wanted?

'Why the system must be changed now!'

Exclamation point.

'By Charles E Norstadt.'

I had no idea you pondered

such weighty issues, Charles E.

I did what you asked.

Now, are you gonna keep up your end? Or what?

All right.

I'd like a hole.

Three feet across, three feet deep.

And, while you're at it, how about a triangle?

Two by two by three.

Three feet deep.

Just near the paddock, left of the entrance.

Look, if you need a hole, hire a contractor.

I don't need a hole.

I'm interested in your title.

I was wondering how you came to choose it.

Erm, it's about how... how people have to change things.

What kind of things? Sit down.

What kind of things?

The Government, you know.

And what would you change about the Government?

Me? Erm,

lots of things.

Such as?

Such... such as...

Such as how the word is spelt, for example.

What?

Judging by your essay,

looks as if you hope to change the spelling of the word 'government',

'democracy'... and 'Richard Miltown Nixon'.

So, I'm not too good at spellings.

Oh, I can see that, but if you're going to plagiarise,

you might at least show the courtesy of copying...

What are you talking about?

Don't! Who wrote this? Who?

Bill Garfield.

Never heard of him.

He's at Colombia.

Oh, so you're a high-class cheat.

-I'm not a cheat... -Yes, you are!

I hate writing. It sucks!

Adisca alt disceda.

It's a waste of time! It's like digging those shitty holes!

I'll write you a stinkin' essay!

'Why Spiderman sucks worse

than the Silver Surfer!' Exclamation point. Very good.

Are you happy now? Can I go?

You invited yourself.

Tonight, I want you to look up ten

alternatives for the slang 'to suck'

Shit!

And find me the Latin equivalent

of your other favourite

descriptive.

Mickey!

I gotta go.

I followed you this morning.

You tell,

and you're dead.

I'm not gonna tell anybody.

I'm not gonna tell anybody, if...

What? If what?

You tell me all about him,

starting with what you were doing there?

You swear. Swear by Thor.

I did what you said. I got a tutor.

The Freak's a teacher? Come on!

-I think he is, actually. -What does he teach?

He makes me dig holes.

You liar! Oh my god, you're such a lair.

I'm gonna tell Mom, and she'll never let you near him again!

She can see the psycho.

Keep your mouth shut, all right?

Okay! Fine. Get off me, you maniac!

What's he like? Do you like him? Does he like you?

He hates everybody.

I mean, look at him.

Sometimes I think I'm gonna be sick, just watching him.

Let me come with you. Please!

Come on, Chuck.

Lunatic!

Hello?

Mr. McLeod?

Sir?

Hey, Pukehead! You home?

Guess not.

Porno.

Take it easy. Okay.

Lie down.

I'll be right back, fella. Okay?

Hey, when did you get back?

I went for a walk when I finished my homework.

Jeez, what happened to him?

He encountered a porcupine.

Oh! Excrementum!

Stiltus puer.

What? What does that mean?

'The foolish boy'...

digs a three-foot hole.

If we assume

that he has dug his cube properly...

what will be the volume if he fills up half of it?

Now, the stiltus puer wants to erect

a pole at the centre of his circle.

But how does he find that centre?

Think, Norstadt, reason.

No? Write this down.

Draw a circle. A, B, C.

Draw within it any straight line, AB.

Now, bisect AB at D

and draw a straight line, DC, at right angles to AB.

is that fine, Norstadt?

Yes, sir.

Okay. Any other straight line... AC.

Bisect AC, and you get the centre of your circle.

Good.

Euclid's Proposition 47. Now, this is the famous one, Norstadt.

In any right-angled triangle, okay...

Have a good look. Get it over with.

Then we'll continue. Enough?

Good.

In any right-angled triangle,

the square which is described

on the side subtending the right angle, is equal to...

equal to, what?

It's equal to the sum of the squares on each of the two sides, sir.

Thank you.

Take away the moustache,

lighten the hair...

McLeod?

Well, don't you think the picture should include

a little detail that the man has no face?

You don't know what they keep back.

Give it a rest, Sam.

Last week you thought it was Fidel Castro.

I said take away the beard.

How's that, Wayne?

Oh! Very nice, Gus.

Well, I'll tell you what you want Wayne,

but nobody lives like that unless they've got history.

Well now, whose business is that?

This man has not bothered a soul since he's been here.

Any reason why you think he would?

Some other haircut.

'Strange fits of passion have I known'

'and I will dare to tell but in the lover's ear alone'

'What once to me befell, '

'when she I loved looked every day fresh as a rose in June...'

'I do acknowledge with my eyes...'

Ta-dum, ta-dum, ta...

Don't! Please, don't bludgeon it completely, Norstadt.

I hate poetry!

It's all love this, love that.

It's boring, snoring, smothering.

You don't like poetry or

you don't like the word 'love'?

Not every poem's a love sonnet.

There's the 'Ode to my Goldfish'.

'Oh, wet pet'.

That's it?

That's it.

What kind of a plane did you say your father flew?

U-2

157. Take it home and read it.

Go ahead. Take it.

It's all of 20 lines. I'm sure you can manage that.

Hey!

Oh, Chuck.

You know my kid brother, don't you?

I guessed, yes.

Hey.

Were you on 'The Flintstones'?

What?

You know... Fred, Dino.

You know... yabadabadoo?

That's funny. Good. Funny kid.

Let's eat.

Oh. You sit down. I'll find something.

What have we got here?

What have you got in your sandwich, Chuck?

What? You wanna give him my sandwich?

Calm down.

What's this, poetry?

Leave it alone.

You stupid brat! You did that on purpose!

Jesus! Gloria. Take it... take it easy!

Shut up, Douglas! Come down, Slime!

What are you hiding?

Idiot Charles doesn't read poetry!

It's just a little spilled milk.

'Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth.

'And danced the skies on laughter's silvered wings.

'Sunward I've climbed,

joined the tumbling mirth of sun-split clouds.

'And done a hundred things you have not dreamed of.

'Wheeled and soared and swung,

'and while with silent lifting mind I have trod

'the high, untrespassed sanctity of space,

'put out my hand, and touched the face of God.'

That's promptness.

I didn't need that back today.

No, it was good. I just thought I should return it.

Why?

Well, remember I told you about Gloria?

-Your sister? -My half-sister.

Oh, what's evil half-sister done now?

Speak up, Norstadt. I've got an egg boiling.

She saw the book.

She'll snoop around till she finds out what I'm doing.

I don't follow.

You haven't told your mother that you're

coming here to be tutored, have you?

That's it, isn't it?

Why the blazes not?

If I did, she wouldn't let me come.

It's quite simple. Then you can't come.

No! I've got to, just for a little while longer!

Look, if she's letting you take the exam,

she's not totally opposed to the idea

of a boarding school now, is she?

She won't let me come because it's you.

That's why.

They don't know you. People are afraid of what they don't know.

Thank you, Herr Doctor, I must be sure to write that down.

Oh look. I just meant...

What are you playing at?

Nothing. Nobody has to know!

Do you want this exam?

Good.

Then start taking some responsibility for what you want.

Talk to her, Norstadt, convince her.

Convince me.

'Mother, I could not believe it.'

Attacked in my own home.

Oh, Gloria.

NO. I'm not exaggerating.

Why do you baby him?

Is it not what the psychiatrist said.

You know what his father was.

Mother, I was there.

Well, then you should be more patient.

Why? He's not the only one with bad dreams.

It's not the same.

Charles, what are you doing?

I've just got home.

Oh.

Well, is there something you wanted?

No.

Did he hear us?

I dunno.

Hey, Mickey.

Hey. Good morning.

Morning.

What's all this?

Oh. Um... well, my mother said I had to pay my way

if I was going to keep coming here.

Well...

So, it's no trouble. I can do it every morning if you like.

Oh, um...

What's this?

Oh. it's her phone number.

She said to call if I was any trouble.

I don't have a telephone.

I'm no trouble. You could write her.

Scratch my back, I'll scratch the horse's. Huh.

Here, you're going the wrong way.

Go downward,

long strokes.

Like this?

'Believe me, you are marvellously changed.'

'I hold the world but as the world,

Grat... iano, a stage.'

It's not a cereal box you're reading.

Why can't I read it silently?

Because it's a play, Norstadt.

You perform it.

'I hold the world but as the world, Gratiano.'

'A stage,

where every man must play a part, '

'and mine a sad one.'

And what's his reason?

'I am a Jew.'

'Hath not a Jew eyes?'

'Hath not a Jew hands, '

'organs,

dimensions, '

'senses, affections, passions?'

'Fed with the same food?

Hurt with the same weapons?'

'Subject to the same diseases,

healed by the same means?'

'Warmed and cooled by the same winter

and summer as a Christian is?'

'If you prick us, do we not bleed?

'If you tickle us, do we not laugh?

'If you poison us, do we not die?'

'And if you wrong us...'

'..shall we not revenge?'

'By my soul, I swear

there is no power in the tongue of man to alter me.

I stay upon my bond.'

'Most heartily I do beseech the court to give their judgement.'

'Why, then, thus it is.

You must prepare your bosom for his knife.'

'No!'

'Yes!'

'Aye, his breast. So says the bond, doth it not, noble judge?'

'Nearest his heart'... those are the very words.'

Is it my line?

No, it's mine, but it's late.

So, we'll finish this tomorrow.

No, no. We started. Now, let's finish.

Tomorrow...

and tomorrow...

and tomorrow, creeps Charles E.

Hello?

Supper's in the oven.

I'm not hungry.

Do you know Shakespeare?

Know him? I was his Ophelia at Radcliffe.

All right. How does The Merchant of Venice end?

I don't know. Why?

Well, does the guy get his heart cut out in that?

Well, probably. Somebody dies.

Somebody always dies at the end of Shakespeare.

You don't know. I thought you said you knew it.

Charles! I studied those plays years ago.

Why's it so important?

It's not!

Is he doing drugs?

Hey, Norstadt! Forget the horse!

Come on. Let's see if the guy gets his heart cut out!

'Do you confess the bond?'

'I do.'

'Then must the Jew be merciful.'

'On what compulsion must I? Tell me that.'

'The quality of mercy is not strained.

'It droppeth as the gentle rain

from heaven upon the place beneath.

'It is twice blessed.

It blesseth him that gives, and him that takes.

'It is enthroned in the hearts of kings.

'It is an attribute to God himself, '

'and earthly power

doth then show likest God's'

'when mercy seasons justice.'

What did she say she wanted?

-Um, cookies... cookies and rice. -Yeah.

-They're over there. -Oh, okay.

Which one... Which type?

How many types are there?

-It's okay. So they'll make me fat. -You're not fat.

'Cause I want to get into a dress on Saturday.

-Why? -Going out on a date.

-Oh dear. -Did you be on a motorcycle?

Oh. I have to get some suntan lotion. Hi, Chuck.

I'm sorry.

Sorry? For what?

Oh, nothing.

Sir?

Yeah?

Did you ever wonder...

why men and women are attracted to each other?

It's called sex, Norstadt,

and it's not on your exam.

No. I don't mean like that.

I mean, I mean, why is it so difficult?

You know, why can't they stay together, stay attracted?

You know,

I never did consider myself

a source of advice for the lovelorn.

Why, weren't you married?

Yes, I was.

A long time ago.

Still, that hardly qualifies me for any kind of

reasonable answer to that question. I'm...

All right.

Do you want the short answer or the long one?

Short, I guess.

Good.

The problem is one of water.

Water?

Water.

Women have on average about 5% more of it than the men,

making them subject to different forces of gravity.

Oh. Don't take my word for it, you can look it up in Newton.

It's there.

Can they be drained?

I'm serious!

Well, I believe they're waiting for us to drink more fluids.

What now?

I was wondering if...

you really...

write pornography?

Is that the latest rumour?

Come here. I'll show you what I do for a living.

Here.

Tutoring doesn't pay what it used to.

Here's a few you might have seen.

-You did these? -Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, I've seen this one.

Well, what do you know?

Well, we don't get a lot of live specimens

at the castle, do we, Norstadt?

Come on, Norstadt, back to Caesar's Gaul.

How did it happen?

Was it in the war?

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked.

Oh, that's all right, uh...

Everyone does, sooner or later.

It was in a car crash.

I'm sorry.

So am I.

Not just for this, but...

There was a boy killed in that car crash

and he burned to death.

Time.

Let's pick up the slack tomorrow, huh?

8.30, sharp.

Yes! Double sixes!

Big Julie is dead!

Yes, he gets the hook,

new King of the Mountain.

I won! I won!

Now, just remember Norstadt,

that on the exam Caesar wins, okay?

Wiseacre.

Well, you want to be Romans or Gauls this time?

Sir?

It was a lousy thing to happen.

-What? -Lots of people die in accidents.

It wasn't your fault.

Norstadt...

No, look.

Even if it was, it doesn't matter.

Look. It doesn't matter to me.

Norstadt!

Hey, look who it is!

Who is it, bat boy?

Hey, Norstadt!

Hi, Chuck.

Come on, you're hoggin' it. Over here.

How's the scholar doin'?

How's your freaky friend?

He's all right...

for a Hamburger-Head.

So, how d'you know, anyway?

I gave your sister a pink belly till she squealed like a pig!

Jerks.

Oh, you guys!

Just don't tell anyone, all right guys?

Why not?

Just don't.

Not till I take the exam okay.

You're gonna hate that army school, you know.

I don't care.

I just want out.

Do you know how he hurt his face?

Yeah, how'd the Hamburger get burnt?

Please!

Car crash.

He got burnt and a kid got killed.

The Freak killed a kid? No shit!

Listen, guys, don't go say anything about

McLeod. All right?

Who would we tell?

My friends hate me and I don't know anybody else.

What? It's true.

Hello, Charles.

Would you come down here, please?

What's the matter, can't you hear me?

I said come down here!

Who you been talkin' to, you little bastard?

Huh?

Who did you tell?

Come down here, I said!

Or are you deaf as well as stupid?

Who's there? Who's that?

Get down here! Or do I have to come up and get you?

It's three o'clock in the morning! I'll call the police.

Who you been talkin' to, you little bastard?

Do you realise what you've done to me?

Help yourself!

Morning, Chuck.

What's happening, man?

-Charles... -We have some big news.

Go ahead, tell him.

Your mom and I are going to be married.

Charles... Is there something you want to say?

you are too small.

You may be tall but you're stupid.

Gloria! You're practically naked! Go get some clothes on.

So what? It's my house!

Heard the news?

I heard it yesterday.

Don't freak with delight It might go to my head.

-Welcome to the family, Carl. -Thank you, Meg.

Watch out, she bites.

-You bite! -Butt out!

-Shut up, Gloria! -Everyone, be quiet, and...

Think happy thoughts.

Are we going to live with you in Connecticut, Carl?

Yes. Sure. As a matter of fact,

this weekend, your mom and I are going looking for a new home,

and you're coming with us.

What about you? You want to come along too, man?

What about me? I don't get a say in where we live?

Of course you do, come along, then.

Well, I can't, because I'm going to Dad's, remember? I told you, Mother!

Oh, well! How convenient.

Well, I can't go, because I've got to study

for an exam and take care of my cats!

Oh, Charles!

I don't take milk.

Oh, you don't take milk... No, no, no, no...

Your cat brother has developed a fetish for my underwear!

No accounting for taste!

The thing is just tampering...

I think we should put it to sleep.

I think we should put you to sleep.

You touch Mac and you're dead!

-What are you... -I'm trying to eat!

Don't hit your sister!

Don't you think we should avoid him, because of his background?

That's enough, Gloria!

-Done! -Jees!

Well, he started it!

That's enough!

It's okay, it's okay.

Morning.

Sorry to be late.

That's all right. Uh...

I wanted to talk to you,

about what happened yesterday.

Seems I'm not so good with people any more.

I've forgotten how to be with them, I guess.

Can you understand that?

Doesn't matter.

Doesn't it?

No. Why should it?

So, can we start?

All right.

Your turn, Dougie.

B-E-D. Bed.

Six. Very good, Doug. Excellent.

Triple word score, double letter on the F. 48 points.

Have you heard the latest on the F-R-E-A-K?

Gloria, don't call him that.

I mean, sorry. The reclusive deformed warpo.

What?

I heard he killed a kid when he got that face.

So Rob's mother said.

Of course, she thinks he's JFK...

Mom, I think you should know that...

Erm, who's winning?

Um... I think I am.

Charles, I can't send you

to the Lansings' with a carton of beans.

Now look here. What about this? You like this, don't you?

No, I like beans.

Sorry, Mrs. Camlin.

Take your time.

We always stay a bit late on Thursdays for Mr. McLeod.

Oh, that's nice of you.

Ah!

What?

Um...

Um... I have to go to the bathroom.

Wait until we get home.

Mom, I have to pee so bad I'm gonna wiz out my ear!

Downstairs to the left.

What...

Good evening.

It's almost ready, Mr. McLeod.

Thank you.

Er...

There you are. That does it. Thank you.

Thank you.

-Bye, honey. -Bye, Carl.

Thank you.

Call us when you get there!

Bye-bye!

Bye-bye.

Want a beer?

Yeah. Want a beer?

Yeah.

Now. Quidem magistri discipulos tanta

cumata dulcebant ut ipsi discipulis.

Quidem discurae cuperen.

Now...

Okay. 'Some teachers used to teach their pupils so well...'

With such great art.

Erm... 'that...'

This is Latin, not Swahili.

You had this a week ago. What's the matter with you?

Good afternoon.

Afternoon.

Good hunting?

Can't complain.

All right. Quidem magistri discipulos, tanta cumata...

What are you lookin' at, huh?

I said what are you lookin' at?

Norstadt, come here!

Come on.

Ass holes!

Better bring it up, Norstadt,

whatever it is.

I told how you got hurt,

and how the kid died.

Now everybody knows.

And why did you do that?

It was...

I got... I...

I was really angry.

You're a hard marker, aren't you?

People are either in or they're out. Strictly pass or fail.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I betrayed you.

I stabbed you in the back,

and I don't even know why.

Oh, come on, we're not doin' Julius Caesar now.

What?

Et tu, Chuckus?

It's all right, I'll live.

You mean you don't hate my guts?

No, I don't hate your guts.

Come on.

Do you think I'm crazy?

You know. One of those kids who offs himself

and writes a letter blaming Ed Sullivan.

Why?

Oh, I don't know.

The shrinks at school thought I was pretty twisted.

Probably because you're interesting.

Sometimes I blank out,

and I feel bad...

I think about the past

my mother, my father.

See, I don't really know how he died.

My parents split up when I was four.

And all those stuff about

spy planes and pilots.

All of it, I made it all up to impress you.

To make me tutor you.

Yeah.

You needn't worry, Norstadt, you're not crazy.

You're shrewd.

People spend too much time thinking of the past.

Whatever else it is, it's gone.

You know what?

Everybody else would be all over me with questions.

'What do you mean you're crazy, Charles? Is your brain hot?'

You never do that.

It's just habit. I like privacy.

You know, well um...

what about living alone? Do you like that?

It likes me.

What do you mean?

I've become a proper fairy-tale troll here, Norstadt.

Tourist Board ought to pay me.

You're not a troll.

I'm a troll.

That's my job, Norstadt.

My part.

You want this?

No. No, you keep it.

By the way, uh...

I'm setting you a practice exam tomorrow.

But I haven't studied!

'Then I'll make ya.'

'You're soft.'

'Won't anything make a man of you?'

'Kill him Billy.'

'Whoever...'

'All right. For 14 years I've been scared but it's gonna be all right!'

Time's up.

Pens down, time's up. Come on, Norstadt. Pens down.

Come on!

Good.

-Can you mark it now? -No, tonight.

-Come on. -You're too excited.

I know I didn't get the third one right

because we didn't do reciprocal proportions.

-Go home, Norstadt. -No!

Patience.

Thank you.

I'll try some of this tonight.

Good.

Say, Chuck, were you out hiking lately?

Er, no, not me.

Up north, Mr. McLeod's place?

Uh... no, not me. I'm in a real hurry here.

I don't know.

Well?

Well?

Are you going to tell me?

Get in.

Are you gonna tell me! Or do I have to kill you?

84 per cent.

84 per cent?

No way, that is great! 84 per cent!

Yes. I'm a genius! I am a genius now!

I am one of the geniuses!

All right, Norstadt. It is only a practice exam.

Don't get cocky. Get in.

You know what? I'm brilliant! I am a regular Einstein!

Norstadt!

Okay, how come we're not studying if I'm so stupid?

Because it's carrot day.

Put your belt on.

Wow, look at the seaplane!

It's not a seaplane, it's a carrot.

You're kidding?

What are you waiting for? Take off. Go on.

Now you can tell him you've flown.

Think you can handle this yourself? Huh?

Really?

-Did you see us dive up there? -Yes.

Yeah. How fast do you think we're going, huh? 100? 125?

'I don't know. Probably about...

No. 165 miles an hour.

You know, John says we were getting

some really good wind up there.

John says it's not like a passenger plane.

Hey, you know what? John flew a Starfighter once.

As a matter of fact, I did.

Yeah. He flew a Starfighter.

Unbelievable.

I mean, can you imagine the G-force on something like that?

And this was bad enough.

And the instruments...

Oh, you should have seen the dials on this, man.

But, on the jet, it had to be ten times as many, at least.

What, you thought it was Brigitte Bardot driving?

No.

No, I was just thinking, it's weird.

What?

Now I can't see your scars any more.

I can hardly even tell they're there.

What about you?

It's different for me.

Yeah.

Did you ever try to have it fixed?

No. I thought about it,

but it just never seemed right.

My sister wanted to know

if maybe you'd be interested in our mother.

She could keep me in the attic.

Can she cook?

Hello, no, but she's gorgeous.

You could save us from the hairball too.

-He's number five? -Yeah.

-He can't be that bad. -What?

You know, I can wait for you if you like

and then drop you off at the Lansings'.

No. It's okay. I've got to

feed the cat and then I'm gonna get off.

-All right. -Okay.

Thanks a lot.

Hey, Mac, you hungry?

Sorry I'm late, buddy.

No, get down. Come on, come on.

I guess you were hungry.

Yes.

What are you doin'?

Get out!

You heard her. Get out of here!

-Charles. What are you doing? -What a day!

Charles. What are you...

What a perfect day!

You're mommy's chosen one.

Come here!

Doug, do something!

-Come here! -Uh-uh.

Come here! Godamn it. Come here.

You going to keep quiet?

Flintstone, you could kill me,

and I'd die happy telling Mother.

You keep your mouth shut, you hear?

-You hear me? -Forget it!

Bastard!

Let me go! He's hurt!

Hey, calm down, kid, you're crazy!

Of course, he's crazy. His father was a psychotic maniac!

Shut up, you stupid cow!

-Gloria? -No. He should know.

Your father was an abusive drunk

who killed himself in a mental hospital.

And you will too, if you don't smarten up.

Liar! I'm gonna smash your lyin' face!

You don't believe me?

Bottom drawer of Mother's dresser.

Liar! You're dead!

All right. You're going to be good? Huh.

I'll let you up if you're good.

Don't listen to her, man, she's just tryin' to get you goin'.

Charles? What's the matter?

Charles? What's wrong?

Charles?

They were in bed... and...

he hurt Mac... and... she said...

Take it easy. Go slow.

She said...

She...

You know I don't have a father...

cos he walked out on me to be a drunk.

To be a crazy fucking drunk!

He killed himself in a mental institution.

Here, sit down.

Morning, Mr. McLeod.

Good morning, Chief...?

-Stark. -Chief Stark.

-Can I come in? -Oh, please. Come in. Come in.

I'm trying to locate the Norstadt boy. Is he here?

He is here, yes.

He is? Oh, that's a relief.

The Lansings are in quite a state.

They had some kind of family melodrama there last night.

Oh yes. He was very upset when he arrived here.

I'm sorry I don't have a telephone or I would have called.

-I hear Morris says you're tutoring Chuck. -Yes, that's correct.

That's fine.

-Can I see him? -He's asleep. I'll...

-Where would that be? -Upstairs.

I'll go and...

It's all right. I'll just go and take a peek, see if he's all right...

What's goin' on?

It's time for you to go home, son.

It's all right. There's nothing to worry about.

You've given a lot of people a fright.

-I don't wanna go. I'm staying here. -Charles.

Your mother's worried about you. She's on her way back.

I don't care. I'm staying right here!

-Why don't you get your clothes and let's go. -No!

Charles... Charles...

I want you to get dressed

and go with Chief Stark.

What?

You have to.

It'll be all right. Go on.

Go on.

Why d'you lie to me the other day, son?

I don't know.

You like your teacher, don't you?

He's my best friend.

Charles...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Is that why you divorced him?

Cos he was psycho?

That was wicked of Gloria.

Charles, it was just wicked.

Your father wasn't...

Your father was a wonderful man.

But he had problems, and when he drank...

we just couldn't handle it.

He hurt us, didn't he?

Oh, my poor boy.

My poor Chuck.

Oh, what a time you've had.

Y'know, I always blamed you.

I know, baby, I know.

It's all right.

Charles,

why didn't you tell me you were going to see Mr. McLeod?

Well, I wanted to, but

I didn't think you'd let me go.

You're mad, aren't you?

No, Charles.

See, he's my tutor,

but he's also my friend.

I can tell him anything.

Last night, did he...

or at any other time... did he...

touch you?

Yeah, sure.

How did he touch you?

Why are you asking me this?

I told you he's my friend.

Just tell me.

Chief Stark told me something about your friend.

A boy was killed in a driving accident.

Yeah. yeah. I know, he told me. So what?

He went to prison for three years.

The boy that was killed was a pupil of his.

He was in the car with McLeod and they were having...

He was abusing the boy, Charles.

Do you understand what that means?

No.

No.

You don't want me to love anyone else,

so you hate him. You hate him.

Charles!

Charles, please! Listen to me!

I'm only trying to protect you!

You're a liar! Leave me alone!

Get out of my sight!

I'm sorry.

Hello, Mrs. Palin. My name is...

I know who you are. What do you want here?

Uh... I...

I came to see Charles and I wanted to explain...

What you've been doing to my son?

I haven't done anything to your son.

What? You expect me to believe that? Coming from you?

How do they let people like you walk around?

You're being irrational. Let me...

What? You want to see irrational? Mess with my kids.

I'll show you irrational! Get out!

Get out!

Ah, Doctor.

Mrs. Palin, this is Dr Talbot.

He's come all the way from Bangor to see us.

Hello, Charles.

Just call me Lionel.

John Wayne.

And how do you feel about that?

What do you mean?

Do you feel good about seeing John Wayne,

or does it make you uneasy?

I don't know what I feel. Why do I have to feel anything?

No. You don't.

But you don't want to keep things hidden that could hurt you.

There's no right or wrong answer here...

Okay, Chuck?

Lets'... let's try another.

-It's a very sensitive issue, Mr. McLeod.

The mother's concerned.

-Have you talked to Charles or haven't you?

Yes, we have.

Then what do you need a meeting for?

What did he say? What di you say to him?

I can't discuss that. We just want a little meeting.

You mean a trial.

No. No. It's just an informal get-together.

We just wanna get the facts straight.

You don't even need a lawyer.

Mr. McLeod, I would appreciate it though

if you didn't try to see the boy right now.

Not till after the meeting.

I'd appreciate it.

I came here to get away from your meetings and...

Seven years I've lived here...

alone in this house, and in peace.

Maybe it would have been best all around

if that's the way things had stayed.

You promised me!

Charles, how can I possibly let you take that exam

after everything that's happened?

Nothing's happened! Nothing!

Why won't you believe me? Why?

It's out of my hands Charles.

It's in the hands of the authorities and

they'll decide if there's anything to decide.

Oh, my gosh, I cannot live here! I can't live here!

There's perfectly good schools in Connecticut.

I'll run! I will run!

Don't be ridiculous.

Charles. Okay, Charles.

Charles, I'll talk to Gloria.

It's not Gloria I can't live with.

I'm sorry.

You do whatever you want, all right?

Mr. McLeod, I'm...

I'm afraid we're getting too old to stay open so late.

You'll just have to come back at our regular hours.

Sorry for your trouble.

Oh Charles,

would you please take this out to the car

and give it to Carl? Thanks.

Good luck in the exam.

Thanks.

Oh, oh, oh. I got it.

Here, take this one. Careful, it's fragile.

I got it.

Put Gloria's in first. Mum's too.

Put mine in last for easy access.

Mom!

Ass hole!

Mr. McLeod!

Mr. McLeod!

I'm not allowed to talk to you, Norstadt.

You have to go.

No! No!

I want to know!

You always want to know!

I want to know the truth!

Oh! About what in particular?

Life? Religion?

Why did you go to prison?

I was convicted of involuntary manslaughter.

You can look it up.

Did you?

The boy in the car, the boy that died. Did you molest him?

What do you think, Norstadt?

Stop playing the teacher. You just tell me!

I think you've already made your mind up, haven't you?

Looks like I've fallen off that pedestal you put people on.

Strictly pass or fail, isn't it?

I don't know what to think! I don't understand!

No! No!. You're just lazy, Norstadt! I couldn't teach you a thing!

-Just tell me! -Did I ever abuse you?

Did I ever lay a hand of anything but friendship on you?

Think, Norstadt, reason.

Could I?

Can you imagine me ever doing so?

And what about the past?

What do you see?

Just tell me you didn't. I'll believe you.

No! No, sir!

I didn't spend all summer so you could cheat on this question.

I'm sorry.

I didn't know what to think. I'm sorry.

It's all right, Charles.

It's not your fault.

You're a good student, Charles.

You're a very good student.

You better go.

Goodbye.

Sequari deum.

Gentlemen, we're ready.

Good luck.

You have five minutes left in section A.

Five minutes.

Pencils down.

In section B,

you will translate the passage from Cicero,

on the value and nature of friendship.

Pencils ready...

Begin.

Mr. McLeod, I'd like to introduce

Miss Fletcher from Children's Aid,

Dr Talbot, Judge Sinclair,

Mr. McDowell from the DA's office.

Is your legal counsel not with you this morning?

I was told that this was an informal meeting. Isn't that right?

Oh, no, no, no. That's uh... that's correct.

All right. William, why don't you begin?

Why didn't you go to the mother and make sure

that Charles had told her about the tutoring?

Because I...

You've never taught, have you, Mr McDowell?

Taught? No. No.

You can't teach a thing without giving away your trust.

I don't think I follow.

Let's say I was teaching you,

as a lawyer, to be honest.

I couldn't trust you to tell the truth,

and then run round to the courtroom

to see whether or not you were lying, could I?

Not unless I was absolutely sure that you were lying.

Perhaps you should tell us about Patrick Scott.

What would you like to know?

Whatever you feel is relevant?

Nothing.

Please, humour me.

Patrick was an outstanding student.

He could have done anything. Been anything.

He was also very troubled.

He was from a broken home, full of

guilt and violent fantasies.

Not unlike the profile of Charles.

No, not unlike it. He too had a

hard time with authority.

I was one of the few adults,

if not the only one, that he connected with.

He developed a fixation with me

that I didn't know how to deal with.

I was 26. I didn't know a thing.

When I did confront him with it,

on the way back from Boston, I was

too frank, too hard.

He became enraged, desperate.

tried to step from the vehicle into the highway.

That's not exactly what the jury found.

Well, you asked me what I knew of Patrick Scott,

not what the jury thought it found.

But you did lose your job because of the conviction?

Yes, I lost my position.

Then why,

ten years later, would you pick a strange boy as a pupil?

Second chance.

Charles needed my help.

I guess I needed his too.

How would you define 'needed'?

I'm a teacher, Dr Talbot.

I make my living otherwise, but I'm a teacher.

I'm afraid I don't follow you.

Mr. Mcleod, you were expelled from the profession.

I'm not talking about a piece of paper.

I'm talking about a moment of grace.

A moment to prove that I could do it well and true.

And did you?

Yes.

Charles is a good student.

You're very fond of him.

Yes, I'm very fond of him.

As fond of you were of Patrick Scott?

No, Doctor. Much closer.

Is that my crime?

Is that what I'm accused of?

No one's accusing you of anything, Mr. Mcleod.

We're simply interested in finding out the truth.

God! I wish you were!

-I beg your pardon?

You're interested in the appearance of the truth.

And to skim on it's teeth.

The truth is you haven't the slightest comprehension

what bond of friendship someone like me

could have with Charles Norstadt.

-Perhaps you could enlighten us? -No. I don't think I can.

And the tragedy of that is, I don't know why I can't.

Is it this?

Is this what you see?

I assure you, it is human.

If that's all you see, well then...

you don't see me.

You can't see me.

Perhaps we all need a short recess.

When you charge me,

what will happen to Charles?

Mr. McLeod, no-one has...

Will he have to testify?

This panel...

Will he be examined, tested, probed?

That's enough!

Obviously the boy will be involved. That goes without saying.

Your implication that this is some sort of violation

is offensive in the extreme!

Do I make myself clear?

I apologise.

And I assure you that I am willing to cooperate

with any course you feel necessary to resolve

our problem with fairness and discretion.

Thank you.

Walker...

Yes, sir?

I think it's from your mother.

Mr. Smith-Baker.

Sir.

Mr. Gablon.

Thank you, sir.

Mr. Norstadt.

Yes, sir.

Norstadt. Check the address on that.

Mr. Libby. Libby Bean.

Cody.

Dave.

-Burt. -Thank you sir.

Hop in!

'Hello, Norstadt.

I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to see you.

'I'm not allowed to talk to you,

I'm not allowed to write you this letter.

'These are my concessions and their conditions...

'..or, what I hope any good teacher would call

'a lesson in the tender mercies of injustice'.

'But, strangely, this is nothing to grieve over...

'..because you know the truth,

and I now know that you can outgrow a part,

even a sad one.

'You taught me that.

'You gave me what I never expected to find again,

a gift of your trust and love.

'And nothing can take that grace away.

'The best is yet to be, Norstadt,

so do it well.

'I remain, as ever, your tutor, Justin McLeod.'

Those who persevere in faith.

Once again,

congratulations on achieving the goals

set out before you four years ago.

Class of 1972... dismiss!

'Everything was perfect.'

Charles!

Darling, I am so proud of you.

Thank you, Mother.

Charles, your mother and I are pleased.

Thank you, sir.

We'll see you at dinner, honey!

See you at eight!

I'll see you guys later.

'But there's always a face before me now...

somewhere beyond the edge of the crowd.'