Original subtitles

We're almost there.

Caden's got his camera!

Ta-da!

Oh!

Isn’t it beautiful?

Ooh my God. I didn’t know there was this much water left in Southern California.

Oh!

Alex!

[Crowd hums.]

Wait!

Wait a minute. What's going on?!

You're getting a marriage proposal, you idiot!

Caden! No spoilers!

Sorry. Sorry, man. Do your thing.

Oh my...

Oh my God.

Lily, falling in love with you has been the greatest...

And strangest

- experience of my life.

I can't imagine my world without you in it, so...

will you marry me?

Oh my God, you're crazy! Really?!

Probably. But that wasn't the question.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, of course!

Put it on me.

[Crowd cheers.]

Why are you sitting in the dark?

I saw the doctor today.

How'd it go?

You were right. It wasn't just a weird mole.

Oh, God, Lily.

"Malignant melanoma."

- Malignant?

Don't they have to do tests? A... biopsy?

They will. But that's just going to tell us the prognosis.

The Stage.

The doctor didn't have any doubt about what it is.

What is one thing about you that would surprise me?

Okay. But you first.

Um, there's a birthmark shaped like Texas on the back of my thigh.

Already clocked it as soon as you took your pants off. Try again.

I didn't always want to go into the glamorous world of information technology.

When I was a kid. I wanted to be an artist.

Why'd you change your mind?

I got older, figured out you actually had to have talent.

Have you been to the museum lately?

Oh! Burn!

I can say that cause I'm an artist. Aspiring.

Technically, I'm a barista.

If you create art, you're an artist.

I like that. I'm going to steal it.

Be my guest. Now your turn.

Well, I have a semi-identical twin brother.

That's... not a thing.

Well, if you want to get all science-y about it, we are fraternal twins.

But we're very close. He's my best friend.

We invented our own language when we were toddlers.

- I am already jealous of him.

- Why?

Because he spent nine months alone with you in a warm, dark place.

And look how hard I am working to get you to go out with me on Friday!

I already decided we were going to go out before we had sex.

I may seem like a huge slut, but I only bring guys home that have potential.

Oh!

And you're going to love my brother.

Mmm?

Everybody does. I promise.

I'm not going to sugar-coat this. Your melanoma is Stage IIIC.

That's not good. That means the cancer has spread to your lymph nodes.

How is that possible? I swear, it wasn't even there a few months ago.

Well, melanoma can travel very quickly. And this seems to be a really aggressive one.

Look, it's unusual in someone that's as young as you are.

But it's not unheard of.

So... what do we do?

I'd remove the primary melanoma, of course, the affected lymph nodes.

Then I would recommend aggressive chemotherapy and radiation.

But if we do all that... she's going to be okay, right?

There's no guarantee. Look, we've made a lot of progress in treating cancer.

But one that's as aggressive as this, you really wish you'd caught it in an earlier stage.

Look, the good news is, the five-year survival rate for this, it's nearly 50%.

50%!

I read it was closer to 40%.

Yes, well, most patients diagnosed with this type of cancer, they're much older.

And many of them die from other things.

Look. Lily, you're young, you're strong... you've got a really good chance of beating the odds.

But, we have to get very aggressive, and we have to start right away.

So... when can you schedule surgery?

Um... could we have a moment?

Sure.

Are you okay?

Uh, no, no, I'm not fucking okay! Did you not hear that? I'm dying!

That's... not what she said.

That's what she said! Did you hear her talk about a cure?

No, she was just talking about "survival rates!"

I did some reading, too. Some people are cured.

And you're going to be one of them.

Doctors just don't want to make any promises.

Stage III and IV are bad - really, really bad!

I know.

Well, one good thing... I don't have to look for a job anymore.

Since fighting cancer is now my full-time gig.

Benefits suck, but at least there's... yeah, I can't really think of an upside.

- Can I get you a...

- A drink? Yes, please.

What would you like?

Well, how about that expensive cab we got in Napa?

No point in saving it now.

Lily...

Positive thoughts, right? Positive thoughts.

Well, I say carpe the fucking Diem! Let's use the good china, drink the good wine.

Spend the rainy-day fund.

Because today, my love, we got hit by a fucking monsoon.

Sis! I'm here! Whatever you need.

I need to let the wine breathe.

Tell me everything the doctor said.

I will. Not right now.

Right now, I just need alcohol. A lot of it.

We've got a fine bottle of Cabernet. Care for a glass?

You know me well. I never let anyone drink alone

especially if they're providing the alcohol.

Three glasses, then.

"Golaku millee nafati."

I'm going to go change.

It's okay that Caden spends the night, right?

I just didn't want him to drive home after we finished off that second bottle.

Of course.

But...

No but.

I never want you to feel left out.

And I know that Caden agrees. He loves you.

He loves me too, of course.

Of course.

You're irresistible.

See, the thing is,

I need you both, to fight through this.

And I want us to work together.

And I don't want to waste any energy worried about who's jealous,

and who's feeling left out.

I get it.

I do.

And I love Caden for being such a great brother to you.

We're going to need him.

I can take a leave of absence, you know.

Whatever time off I need, I'm sure...

No. No. No. This is a long haul.

We can't afford you losing your job over this.

Let's just be thankful Caden, he works freelance.

He has a flexible schedule.

Yes, I am. Very thankful.

Really?

Okay. Let's go to bed.

- Hey!

- Finally.

Hi. I'm sorry I'm so late.

I stopped at the drugstore.

You are not shaving my head.

No. Not for you. For me. For us.

We'll shave our heads when your hair starts falling out. Solidarity!

It would have been nice to have been asked, but... of course.

I don't need to be reminded of the fact that I'm dying every single time that I look at you.

You're not dying!

We're all dying! I'm just dying a hell of a lot faster that you guys.

I don't need to think about it when I see you bald head.

Yeah. I didn't think about that.

No, you didn't. But you know what? Sweet thought.

And I might not actually lose my hair.

Yeah, if I keep my scalp cold enough.

Ice packs, it's a thing. I read about it.

Let's get going.

Would not want to miss out on the cancer getting gouged out of me!

I'm sorry, Beau.

For what?

For not asking.

About the head-shaving thing.

The thing is, I knew you'd do it.

Never was a doubt in my mind.

I know you'd do anything for Lily.

She's lucky to have you.

She's lucky to have both of us.

And we're lucky to have her.

Yeah, that's us.

Three lucky people.

It's really good to finally meet you.

And you too, Candace.

- See you tonight?

- Mmm-hmm.

So, what do you think?

He's uh... nice.

Wha...? Meaning...?

He's kind of like a Ken doll, isn't he?

Why? Because he's not all tatted up and pierced in obvious places?

Wait... does that mean he's pierced in non-obvious places?

Ooh, sick. None of your business!

Fine. Don't tell me. It's okay.

But henceforth I'll be referring to him as Prince Albert.

Please don't. Do not scare this one away.

I think he may be "the one."

What?! Why?!

Because he's got a job and a great head of hair?

No! Because...

he's sweet.

Ugh. Oh, God - sweet?

I hope you never describe me as "sweet."

Yeah, you? Not likely!

Whoa! Hey! I have a softer side.

You do.

You are a puppy wrapped in marshmallow fluff

when you're not acting like a dick.

Well, that's not what women want!

Women want a bad boy. Right, babe?

Yeah. Whatever you say.

As long as the bad boy has brushed his teeth after eating garlic chicken... which you haven't! Ugh.

Ooh. Sick.

But really, what do you guys think?

I liked him.

Ah! She likes him.

I mean... he seems like a good guy.

He's just... a bit conventional for you.

- And old.

- Um, he's six years older than us!

And he's deeper than he looks.

Well, good. 'Cause he looks like a freaking Ken doll.

Oh, wait. You've got something on your face.

Like butter? Sorry.

"Mommy! Lily's hurting me!"

Ooh, God. Enough.

Give me your hand.

Okay. I didn't get my legs removed.

Just some skin and some lymph nodes. Calm down.

You guys are too easy.

I am feeling a little wiped. I'm going to lie down.

Really, I'm fine.

I wasn't trying to help!

Can I give my wife a kiss?

Well, I guess Lily's all right.

So I should get out of your hair.

I... DVRed the Argentina vs. France match

if you're interested.

Sure! Yeah. Fire it up!

[Game plays. Beau and Caden cheer.]

Are you sure this lady doctor is good?

We have money saved up... we can afford the best.

Dr. Bauman comes very highly recommended.

Bauman... is that Jewish?

I have no idea.

Daddy only asks because Jewish doctors tend to be the best.

Do they, Mom?

And they're frugal too, I bet.

I know this doesn't sound politically correct,

but certain people are just better at certain things.

Like when you want a great basketball player, you seek out a black man.

And when you want a great doctor, you seek out a Jewish man.

Or woman.

Yeah, your mother's right.

Jewish women tend to be excellent doctors... very nurturing.

Well, I'm not quizzing my doctor on her ethnic origins, so...

Mom, can you stop doing that for a minute and just react to what Lily told you?

This is us reacting. I'm sorry if this is not what you wanted.

But we're here for you. All of you.

No matter what you need.

Yes, yes. We can move back to the city and rent a little place

so that we can drive you to your doctors' appointments...

That's a really sweet offer, but...

we'll be fine.

I'll be fine. Caden's been helping.

Beau's boss is very understanding.

Mom!

Hey.

Stop.

I'm young. I'm healthy... I'm going to kick cancer's ass!

"Omaka cha!"

If you do need anything, don't hesitate to call.

Call your mom. Call me. Okay? We're here for you.

Don't worry - I'll call. I'm fine.

- I love you.

- I love you.

How's the pork?

It's delicious. Thank you for cooking.

It's chicken. And you haven't even tasted it.

I'm not stupid, you know. I can see what you're doing.

You're not supposed to be that smart. I married you for your looks.

Lily, this isn't a game. You have to eat.

- I'm not hungry!

- I don't care. We're not going to let you starve yourself to death.

I'm just going to throw it up.

It's gross going in, it's even grosser coming back up.

What's the point?

"Garantha ni tabato."

Well said!

I'll try to get a few bites in.

Thank you. That's all we ask.

See? It is really good, huh?

[Lily throws up.]

Well, that's it for me.

No, no, no. I'll clean it up. You finish eating.

Ah, listen, I have to bring up something really awkward.

More awkward than throwing up in the middle of dinner?

A different kind of awkward.

So, I'm getting kicked out of my apartment.

What! Why?

Well, they have this silly idea that I should be paying rent every fucking month.

And uh... I just can't right now.

- We'll loan you the money. How much do you need?

- We're not loaning you money.

What?

It's stupid that you have an apartment that you don't pay for.

You're always here.

You should just move in, make it official.

Lily-bear, I think this is something you guys gotta discuss.

Uh, I'm dying and I want my only brother to be here with me.

Beau... thoughts?

You're not dying. And, uh...

Welcome to out humble abode.

You can't just pull the death card and get whatever you want.

You guys have the rest of your lives to get whatever you want...

I only have this right now.

You sure you'd be all right with me moving in?

I do need to spend more time at work.

And I don't like leaving Lily alone.

See? It's a win-win for all of us!

I'm fine.

The doctor said it's normal to feel weak.

What?!

Hey, Lils. Are you okay?

I'm dying, actually. Thanks for asking.

I don't want to bother you, but I was just worried.

Shut up. I'm fine. I'm fine.

Just... I'm just having a moment.

Morning wood, anyone?

It's biological! Get over it.

Sorry, dude.

I've got one, too.

I mean about spooning you.

I don't think I knew it was you.

No, it's cool. It felt nice to be held.

It's been a long time.

You need to get out more.

Tell me something I don't know.

Wasn't this a great idea?

Maybe, if I wasn't in terrible shape.

We'll go slow, old man. We'll go slow.

I don't want to hold you back.

If I get too winded, just leave me behind.

You can circle back and pick up my carcass.

You're not that out of shape.

I don't see any vultures coming by to feast on your carcass any time soon.

Do you think we would have been friends?

You know, if we'd met first... Before I got together with Lily?

Why wouldn't we?

We got a lot in common.

Sure, now.

I didn't always used to be the free spirit you see before you.

I used to be...

What, normal?

I was going to say conventional.

That's funny.

That's the exact same word I used to describe you when I first met you.

You know what? You wouldn't have been conventional or otherwise you wouldn't have fallen for Lily.

She saw something in me that I didn't see.

Yeah. She found your inner freak.

That's what she does. It's Lily's gift.

What am I going to do if she doesn't make it?

Hey, don't think like that.

Lily's strong.

You really think so?

Yeah, that's what I want to believe.

I think I'm going to head back.

You go on... finish the run.

I'll come with you.

Afraid the vultures will get me?

A little bit.

Come on.

You're still running!

That bad, huh?

Your test results are not what we were hoping for.

Fuck!

- Lily!

- It's okay. At least she didn't kick me.

Be grateful you're behind the desk.

So... what now? What's the next step?

I think we change courses.

Try a different kind of therapy.

So no more chemo?

It's different kind of chemo.

Some patients respond very well to it.

But...

Worse side effects.

That's why you didn't start with it.

Yeah.

You really think growing and eating our own organic vegetables is going to make a difference?

Honestly, I don't know.

But if it make her feel better, I'm happy to grow and eat the damn vegetables.

I'd eat the Goddamned earthworms if I thought it would help...

Yum.

Make her feel better.

Fucking, you fucking bastard! Fuck! Shit!

I could use the sun anyway. Stupid.

You know, it means the world to Lily that you're here.

I know.

And to me. I'm not sure I could do this without you.

Don't be crazy.

You're fucking Superman. You can do anything.

I'm glad I can help.

I can't imagine being anywhere else right now.

You know, when Lily and I first started getting serious,

I was kind of jealous of you.

If we're being honest, I was pretty jealous of you, too.

You were the first guy Lily ever loved more than me.

Not more... just differently.

And that's a good thing.

So you're over it now?

Yeah. You?

What was that for?

I'm slapping us on the back for being so Goddamned mature.

Us? How come I'm the only one getting slapped?

- Ow!

- See?

- You're just being a baby.

- No, you are!

- You are!

- You are!

- You are!

[Shouting while wrestling.]

One, two, three.

I think you've got a man-crush on Caden.

Maybe a little.

I haven't had a best friend since, like, high school.

What am I, chopped liver?

What re you? Fanny Brice?

You know what I mean. A guy friend.

Does it bother you?

No, I think it's great.

And you're going to need each other more than ever once I'm gone.

Don't talk like that. You're not going anywhere.

Care to join me?

I'm sorry. I'm not in the mood.

No need to apologize.

Hi!

You know, I've worked here for a couple months.

You might be the only person that reads actual books.

Never a phone, never a tablet... always a book.

I work in I.T., so I deal with all that stuff for a living.

I get it.

Working here has sort of spoiled coffee for me.

You coming, Lily?

Uh, you know, why don't you go ahead.

I'll catch you tomorrow.

Cool. Okay.

So. You want to get out of here?

I'm sorry. I'm confused.

Is this, like, a pick-up?

Yeah. Something like that.

Aren't you gay?

No. You?

Uh. No.

Great! So, let's go.

If you're not gay, why are you wearing that shirt?

Oh. My ex-girlfriend gave me this.

Plus, I really do think the world would be a better place if the dykes were in charge.

Don't you?

- Your girlfriend?

- Ex-girlfriend.

- But you're not a lesbian?

- No, just a college romance, you know.

So...

What do you say?

One more question.

Don't you have to wear shoes to work here?

Oh, yeah.

I just take them off as soon as my shift ends.

I feel like shoes are prisons for your feet.

Don't your feet, I don't know, get cut up and stuff?

Nah. I've been going barefoot for too long.

They're practically hooves.

Sexy, I know. But the feet are part of the deal.

So...

You in or or you out?

Oh, I'm in.

Caden?

Yes, Lily-bear?

How come you haven't gotten any in forever?

I've got other things on my mind.

I know.

And I am grateful.

But you can't put your whole life on hold.

I'm not.

I'm not!

Okay, maybe I am.

But you and Beau are important to me.

You need me.

He's going to need you even more when I'm gone.

Shut up. You're not going anywhere.

Not today. Not tomorrow.

But... there's only one way this ends.

Stop it! I don't want to think about it.

How do you think I feel?

But... you can't pretend it's not happening.

Can't we? Please?

Just for a while?

I've never been any good at faking.

Just ask Beau.

Ugh. There is such a thing as too much information.

Even between us.

- Uh-unh.

- Yes.

- Unh-uh.

- Yes.

- Nope.

- Oof.

Stop. You're hounding me like paparazzi.

I look terrible. Stop.

You're gorgeous.

You're a fucking idiot. Stop it!

And you, with the beets... enough.

I'm not drinking that shit anymore.

Seriously. I'm done. Okay? No more.

Oh God!

I made your photo essay, or whatever the hell it is you're working on?

Uh, we'll see.

Mmm. You know, this juice wouldn't be half bad if you put some vodka in it.

- That kind of defeats the point.

- Well, just a few drops and you can call it a cocktail.

Then she might drink it.

You know,

Lily always used to say you were beautiful,

but I didn't know what she was talking about.

But looking at your face through the lens,

I kind of see what she means.

Something about the angles.

The bones under the skin.

You are beautiful.

Uh... thanks.

You ever think about posing nude?

- Ow!

- Oh, fuck. Fuck.

I got you. I'm sorry. I am so sorry! Shit.

I was just messing with you.

I don't even do that kind of photography.

Hilarious.

With the extra iron this batch of juice should be quite potent...

Really. I'm sorry.

It's okay. It's not deep.

I'd think you'd be used to my sense of humor by now.

You'd think.

What?

Just admiring my beautiful wife.

You seem to feel a little better today.

I'm not in the mood. I'm sorry.

What? That's not what I meant!

After all these years, you think I don't know your sex voice?

- Sorry. I didn't mean to...

- Don't apologize. Stop.

You're a health young man... you should be horny.

But I just... can't.

- I get that. It's fine.

- It's not fine. It's horrible.

Will you let me hold you?

That's really what I need. Not sex... just... contact.

- If you need an outlet, you should...

- Shhh.

No. No. We need to talk about this.

I officially release you from your monogamy pledge.

Stop being an idiot.

I don't want to sleep with anyone else.

I'm just saying I won't be mad.

- I took you for better or for worse, remember?

- I know.

I meant it.

I know that.

I just think in a weird way, it would make me feel better if you'd go have some...

meaningless sex with someone.

Well, too bad... cause it's not happening.

And by the way... you're a freak.

You know what would make me really happy?

Not having cancer?

Yeah.

I don't think that's in the cards...

Then what?

If you and Caden got together.

Very funny.

Has Caden said something that makes you think he wants something like that?

He doesn't have to.

So this is really just you having, like, a mini-stroke or something.

The cancer's not in my brain...

yet.

I'm just telling you what I see.

And what I see is...

love and attraction.

I love you... but you're a nut!

Where are you going?

I got a gig.

A quinceanera. So it's a total hack, but it's good money.

Remember... they may look like young women,

but they're only fifteen.

He's right. you haven't gotten laid since you moved in here

and a man's right hand can only do so much.

All right, first of all,

I'm surprisingly limber and sometimes I use my feet.

Secondly, no matter how horny I am, I haven't lost my mind.

I have one word in regards to your self-control:

Watermelon.

No! That is not fair! I was thirteen!

He'd heard that on a warm summer day, a perfectly shaped hole felt just like "the real thing."

- And did it?

- He thought so at the time!

I heard him bragging to his friends.

I have subsequently learned that the pleasures of a woman's anatomy bear little resemblance to the insides of a melon.

Okay, yeah, time to go. Don't be late!

And by the way, a watermelon is not going to charge you with statutory rape.

Thank you for that.

Oh, and no teen pregnancy!

Love you!

- Hey!

- Hi.

How'd it go?

They love me.

Probably get a few other jobs out of it, in fact.

Good!

Why are you up?

Shouldn't you be resting?

Well, I get a little anxious before radiation.

You know, one good thing that's come out of all of this:

You and Beau have gotten so close.

Yeah. He's like a brother to me.

A brother? Or...

more?

Oh, my God, you think I'm attracted to him?

You're not?

He's a beautiful man... a beautiful person.

But we would never...

- Because of me?

- Because of all kinds of reasons!

But mostly because you wouldn't want to hurt me.

But what if I told you it wouldn't hurt me?

What if I told you I think it's a great idea?

You think it's a great idea for your husband and your brother to hook up?

Hook up, no. No.

Build a life together, maybe.

Build a life together?

Like, as a couple?

You love each other.

Yeah, we love each other, but not like...

Okay, let's just strip away the labels, the taboos, the expectations we put on ourselves.

If you could do that, can you imagine a life with Beau?

And would that life make you happy?

That's a lot of stripping away.

It is. Most people couldn't do it.

But you're not most people.

And neither is Beau.

How did the radiation go?

- You have to get out of those clothes.

- I want you to let me go.

You sure? You still seem a bit shaky.

That's not what I meant.

- Um.

Want me to draw you a bath? Sometimes that...

- I don't want to do the radiation.

- It can give you extra years.

- Years like this?

You can keep them.

- You're tired. We can talk about this...

- I'm not just tired!

This isn't what I want to do with the rest of my time!

How are you supposed to "live in the moment," when the moment sucks?

It's not all going to be like this.

You got to go through the bad days to buy yourself some good days.

That's how this works.

Yeah, well, it's a shitty trade-off.

Yeah, well...

it's what we got.

I never expected life to be fair, but come on!

I never smoked, I didn't abuse my body.

Why would this happen?

I don't know.

Please don't make me stay.

When I can't take it anymore.

When have I ever been able to make you do anything?

Good point.

I'm sorry... I wish there were better news.

You're not giving up on her, though, right?

I mean, there's got to be other treatment options.

There are.

And we can pursue them for as long as you like.

But in all honesty, once the cancer's gotten into your liver and your bones...

we should be looking more towards palliative care.

- Palliative care?

- Pain management.

That's where they give you the good drugs because they know you're already dead.

Well, I wouldn't put it that way...

Let's say we just quit all treatment

we do the palliative care

how long would I have?

It's hard to say. Every patient is different.

Ballpark. Are we talking days, weeks, months... years?

Not years.

You want to sit down or something?

You look kind of dead on your feet.

I'm okay.

We just... got some bad news today.

Yeah, Lily told me.

She's being so brave,

but the cancer doesn't care.

Isn't cancer supposed to back off in the face of a positive attitude?!

Those studies turned out to be bogus.

Most of the time I want her to hang on as long as she can.

But uh... sometimes I just want it to be over.

Is that terrible?

No.

No.

It kills me to see her suffering like this.

And you?

I'm fine.

You're not fine.

None of us are fine.

Maybe not.

But we have to be strong, right?

I'm sorry for the late notice.

Thank you.

What was that?

Lily, what's going on?

I... canceled chemo for today.

I canceled chemo forever.

And radiation, too.

You're sure this is what you want?

I'm not in the 40%, Beau.

- You don't know that. Dr. Bauman said there were still treatments we could try before you...

- No. No.

No treatment.

Let's... we need to be realistic.

I'm not thrilled either.

But it's happening, and we need to talk about it, okay?

Can you do that... for me?

Okay.

You know that I'm not a believer. I don't believe in any sort of afterlife.

So I don't really care what you do with my body.

Do whatever is easiest. Cremation. Donate it to medical science.

Hell, you can stuff me and put me in a glass tomb like Vladimir Lenin.

I don't care.

I just don't want to talk about it, okay?

Got it! Are we done?

No.

We need to talk about you.

You're young and healthy.

You better never forget about me...

As if.

But you need to move on.

I want you to find love and happiness again.

Promise me.

Promise I'll be happy without you?

I can't.

What about Caden?

What about him?

Lily, I am not lusting after your brother!

It's not an accusation.

It's my aspiration.

Your what?

It's what I want for you.

And him.

To find love.

- Lily...

- The thought of you with another woman makes me more nauseous than chemo.

But the thought of the men that I love finding love with each other...

that makes me smile.

Does that make me the biggest fag hag the world has ever seen?

Probably.

Look, I'm not going to deny I feel a depth of love for Caden I never imagined feeling for a man.

But...

I'm straight... and in love with you.

Society sells us this bill of goods:

You can only love a man or a woman,

you have to love one person at a time.

But human sexuality is so much more complex than man or woman,

gay or straight, either/or.

Sex is all tangled up in emotions...

And emotions are freaking complicated.

And I'm straight, and I fell in love with Barbara sophomore year.

We had a wonderful affair.

Remember that? I told you all about that.

That story has been the subject of more than one masturbatory fantasy.

But guys are not as heteroflexible as woman are.

Because they truly aren't, or because the stigma is so strong with men?

I don't know. Either way... It's the world we're stuck in.

No! No.

It's your world. It's your happiness.

Fuck everybody else.

Say yes.

Hey! I'm taking a bath in here.

Yeah. I know. Lily sent me.

She said your back is bothering you.

What are you doing?

Giving you a neck and back massage.

Lily's orders.

While sitting in the tub... with me... naked?

Japanese men bathe together all the time.

We're not Japanese! I don't even eat sushi!

Just relax!

Your muscles are super tight.

This is weird.

Agreed.

Especially since Lily pretty much ordered me to give you a happy ending.

Beau, relax! I'm not going to rape you.

Don't you think it's strange your sister wants us to get busy?

What’s stranger is that it doesn’t feel completely crazy.

Uh, yeah... it does.

All right. All right. This has really gotten out of hand.

Yeah, I can see that.

Beau, you can run from me, but you can’t run from your feelings.

Jesus Christ... did I just say that? I sound like a fucking Hallmark card!

I’m pretty sure Hallmark doesn’t make cards for this.

Beau, just calm down.

We need to talk.

I can’t talk to you when you’re naked.

[Porn sounds]

Good idea.

- What?

- Checking out how the other team plays?

- Lily!

- Semi-hard! It’s a turn-on, right?

Two guys fucking is not exactly a turn-on.

But there is something primal about it.

I... I don’t know. All these guys are all really buff and good-looking,

but... I can’t imagine touching them.

What about Caden?

Caden’s different.

Obviously he’s a guy... And I know he’s a guy. But...

I mostly just think of him as Caden.

Kind of his own special category.

A fuckable category?

If I said yes, would that make you happy?

In a weird way, it would.

Let’s just say, it’s starting to not seem... impossible.

Hey, I’m going to the store. Can I get you anything?

Better drugs?

Ones that take the pain away without making me comatose?

You guys don’t have to wait on me like I’m the Queen of England.

We want you to be as comfortable as possible.

You know, my parents said they’d pay for a nurse.

You don’t need a nurse. You have us.

You guys have jobs

Yeah, well, the occasional wedding or quinceañera isn’t exactly a career.

We want to be here.

You’re crazy. I don’t want to be here.

Fuck.

I said I wouldn’t be a pussy about this.

Nothing to be afraid of, right? Not for me.

I’ll just stop.

Shh!

Hey.

It’s normal to be afraid.

Probably hardwired into our DNA.

It just sucks, you know.

Why do I have to start being normal now?

I need to know that you guys are going to take care of each other.

Of course.

And no matter what happens, you be brave.

Promise me

you're going to make your decisions out of love,

not fear.

For me.

What are you doing up?

Couldn’t sleep.

I think I’m afraid she’ll die and I won’t be there to say goodbye.

We’ve been saying goodbye.

Mmmm. When did we get butter pecan?

Today. You want some?

No, I’m not hungry.

Ice cream isn’t about being hungry.

I’m sorry I kind of... fled the other day.

In the bathtub?

Yeah.

Well,

that whole scenario was a little awkward.

You think?

This is all new territory for me, too.

I mean, I’ve fooled around with guys before, but...

Wait! What?

It was just sex. Never any romantic feelings...

So you’re... bi?

Bisexual. Pansexual. Sexually fluid. They’re all just labels.

Right now I guess I’d have to describe myself as…Beau-sexual.

Okay. Let’s say... hypothetically... We decide to act on these feelings.

What does that mean?

What would we actually do?

I mean, who’s on top, who’s on bottom... and how the hell do we decide?

If we arm-wrestle for it, I know I’m fucked. Literally.

I don’t know. Maybe we take turns.

I let a guy fuck me once. It was... interesting.

Maybe you’ll like it.

Ah, I don’t think so! It’s just... not who I am.

Oh, cut the bullshit. If this were all me, we wouldn’t even be having this discussion.

Sorry. Of course it’s not just you.

It might be easier if it were.

I know. Then you could just slug me and call me a faggot and tell me to get out of your house.

There’s this voice in my head – I think it’s my Dad

telling me to “man up” and stop thinking about this nonsense.

Nonsense?

My feelings.

Hey. Your feelings aren’t nonsense.

I miss her so much, and she’s not even gone yet!

I know.

I’m sorry. I can’t.

I know.

One of you the next of kin?

We both are.

We just need one signature.

Sorry for your loss.

I guess we should start calling people

Not yet.

What’s wrong?

What’s wrong? Lily just died!

Of course. I’m sorry.

We should start calling people!

Thanks. I will. Take care.

I called everyone I could think of.

My parents will be by in the morning.

I told everyone no flowers, no fucking casseroles. Just...

remember what a special person Lily was,

and, if you like, make a donation to the cancer charity of your choice.

I think you’re better at this than I am.

Because it’s a contest?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.

Are you sure this is what you want?

I’m not sure of anything.

That tickles!

Oh, that does not tickle!

Wow.

Not to cough up a cliche –

but, um, was it good for you?

I mean, it seemed like you were into it…

Yeah. Yeah, I was into it.

That’s what’s freaking me out.

How could I feel so good – even just for a few minutes

when Lily just died?

It’s not like we forgot about Lily.

At least I never did.

Yeah, no, me neither.

You don’t think that’s weird?

If I worried about what was weird, I’d never get up in the morning.

Speaking of getting up...

I should probably go sleep in my room. Your parents are going to be here pretty early.

Okay.

Um, the dining room.

Right.

So you’re, um, you’re okay... with... this?

I can’t... process it right now.

Can we help with the arrangements?

There are no “arrangements.”

Lily didn’t want a funeral.

But we have to have a funeral!

People need to say goodbye.

But what people?

Everyone Lily really cared about is in this room.

And she already got a chance to say goodbye to all of us.

Well, lots of people loved Lily. And they’re expecting a funeral. They want to see her one last time.

No.

Pardon me?

I’m sorry, but no.

Lily gave me very explicit instructions

to do whatever I needed to do to make the most painful transition of my life a little less horrible.

So we won’t be filing past her waxen corpse.

We're not going to listen to a pastor who never met her

talk about some reward in heaven she didn’t believe in.

Lily hated the way Americans do death, and so do I.

So we're just not doing it that way.

Well, that’s very selfish!

Yes.

But it’s what Lily wanted.

Wow. Is this it, then?

Yes.

So, this is our ceremony?

This is your time to do whatever you need to do.

Great. Let’s pray.

You go ahead. I won’t be joining you.

Yeah, me neither.

Caden!

Mom, don’t act so shocked.

You’ve known Lily and I were atheists since we were fourteen.

You always said religion was a comfort in difficult times.

I’m not comforted.

Caden! Your parents are just in the other room.

So what?

Beau, I care about you.

Aside from everything else, you’re my best friend and my sister’s husband. Why wouldn’t I try to comfort you?

Straight guys...

Brothers-in-law... do not touch each other the way you touched me.

Who the fuck made up that rule?

I don’t know. But I saw the way they looked at us when you took my hand.

They’ve been through enough today.

They don’t need to walk in here and find us canoodling.

Canoodling? What the fuck, are we suddenly on TMZ?

I’m just trying to be respectful.

Well, I’m just trying to live my life with honesty and with integrity.

Yeah, well, it feels like you’re trying to rub their faces in... whatever the hell it is we’re doing.

I’m not.

Look, I never planned to be in a relationship with a guy. But one thing I know I’m not going to be is some self-hating closet-case.

Back when the Orlando massacre happened, you were right there posting “love is love” on Facebook and Twitter.

Was that just bullshit?

No. It’s what I truly believe. It’s just...

Just what?

Are you ashamed of what we did?

Not ashamed. Scared.

- Of what?

- Of being hated. Of disappointing everyone.

I’ve always been the guy everyone likes! Now I’m going to be the guy who’s fucking his brother-in-law!

I just came in for a glass of water.

I’ll get it for you, Mom.

Mom,

this wasn’t how I was going to tell you…

I didn’t hear anything.

The parents are asleep. Or went to bed, in any case.

Good.

Do you want me to move out?

Now that Lily’s gone, I don’t – I don’t need to be here.

Whatever makes you happy.

I want you to be happy.

Under the circumstances, happy is not an option.

Yeah. Granted. But…what do you want?

I don’t know.

Beau–

You know what? Fuck you!

Take care of yourself, son.

- Call your mom.

- I will.

Be good, Dad.

Bye, Mom.

- I love you.

- I love you too.

Hey, Mom. Whatever you heard or didn’t hear...

I love you, Caden.

Just be happy.

I’m trying, Mom.

I don’t know how I raised two such odd children.

Your father and I are such paragons of normality.

It won’t take me too long to pack a few of my things.

Sorry!

I wanted to let you sleep, but I’ve got to get to work.

I should really get up.

I should start looking for a place.

No rush. You can stay on my couch as long as you need.

Thanks!

I really appreciate it. But this couch is a bit too narrow to be comfortable.

Plus, I don’t want to cramp your style.

Then come sleep in my room. It’ll solve both problems.

- Weren’t you the one who broke up with me?

- Yes. And I don’t want you back.

You were a pain in the ass as a boyfriend.

But that doesn’t mean that we can’t... play.

It’s tempting, but...

I’m kidding.

I know that you’re in love with someone else.

What are you talking about?

Come on! You’ve got a whole ‘nother vibe going on, on top of the mourning-the-death-of-my-sister thing.

Really? It’s that obvious?

Don’t tell me that you didn’t know?

I mean, I knew I had feelings. But…

love is a big word.

And one you never used with me, by the way...

God, you dodged a bullet.

I haven’t exactly made success of my life.

I mean, I’m basically homeless, not to mention depressed.

Overall, a real joy to be around...

Actually, it makes for a nice change.

You know, working at the “Happiest Amusement Park on Earth,” everyone’s so Goddamned cheerful it makes me want to scream.

Stay out of trouble.

I need to get the rest of my things.

Yeah, of course.

Are you okay?

You don’t…look great.

I’m not.

I should have been ready for this. We had weeks we knew this was coming.

I mean months really, but...

I wasn’t.

I'm not.

How about you?

How are you doing?

I miss Lily.

A lot.

And I miss you.

Yeah. Me, too.

Look if you don’t feel the same way about me as I do about you, that’s…

that’s fine

I can deal with that.

But I really don’t want to lose you, too.

Can we at least go back to being friends?

I don’t know what I want.

But... don’t go.

Just...

please... don’t go.

I’m not going anywhere.

I know it’s early, but, um,

I’m beat.

I think I’m going to go to bed.

Oh. Well, okay.

Where?

Where what?

Where should I be going to bed?

My room?

Yours?

Oh. Right.

I guess I’ll just be in my room.

- No.

- No?

Let’s try it.

No sex – just sleeping.

Okay.

I’m in here!

What’s that?

Lily.

Oh, sorry.

Do you think she's looking down on us from somewhere?

Or up, maybe.

Oh come on...

She was an atheist. If she was wrong, then I don’t know...

Do you think she was wrong?

No.

Sometimes I want...

to believe.

It would be great to think that somehow, in some way, we could all be together again.

But she didn't believe it and neither do I.

I think she's really gone.

All we have of her is what we remember.

And…

each other.

It thought the world would end when Lily died.

Yeah.

I thought it might end when your mother walked in the kitchen.

In fact, I kind of wanted her to.

But it didn’t.

I don’t know the first thing about being gay. I mean, do we have to stop watching sports? Start going to musical theater?

Oh yeah, I think so.

It’s in the by laws. You know, the “bi-laws?”

- I’m being silly, aren’t I?

- Yeah, and borderline offensive.

You’re right. Of course. We are still who we are. Now we’re just us...

in a romantic relationship.

How does that work?

You got me.

I never managed to figure out straight relationships.

All I know is...

I love you.

I love you, too.

Then we need to...

try to figure this out.

We’re going to get a lot of shit for this.

Like, a lot!

I don’t care.

Yeah, well, I do!

I wish I didn’t... but I do.

So then what are you saying?

I’m saying...

yes.

The universe has given me the weirdest possible chance for happiness...

And I’m saying yes.

But you’ve got to be patient with me. I am not like you and Lily. I can’t just say “fuck you” to the world.

So...

we’re really doing this then?

We’re really doing it.

The world didn’t end.

No.

Not even a tremor.