Original subtitles

-Alright, everyone.

[ Cheers and applause ] Alright.

Thank you. Alright.

Alright, everyone, settle down.

My name is Tom Homan.

Now, I'm sure a lot of you are wondering why Greg Bovino,

the last guy, was dismissed.

I want to stress that it wasn't because he did a bad job

or publicly lied about the shooting of an American citizen

or even -- uh-oh! -- dressed like a Nazi.

It was that he was filmed doing these things.

And the president no likey that.

So I'm here now, and we need to tighten up.

That starts with remembering the mission objective.

Now, who could tell me why we're here in Minneapolis?

Pass.

-Uh, nope. Can't pass.

Come on, guys. What are we doing in Minneapolis?

-This could be wrong, but Army?

-Close. That's close.

We're here to detain and deport illegal immigrants

who have committed crimes.

-That is literally the first I'm hearing of that.

-Well, it shouldn't be.

Just so I know, what were you told you should be doing?

-Um...wild'n out.

-Uh, you know what?

Forget everything you were told before.

We're not here to intimidate, racially profile,

or violate anyone's rights.

So, again, what are we looking for?

-Epstein files?

-Nope. Nope.

Uh, we actually just released those to distract from this,

you know, which is ironic,

because we did this to distract from those.

So, anyway, guys, it's not just about doing the mission.

It's about doing it the right way.

A lot of the bad press we're getting is coming from

the aggressive tactics we've been using.

-And the Nazi coat.

-Yes! The Nazi coat. Very good.

So, let's talk about use of force.

When do we want to use force?

-Right away?

-No. Think of the opposite.

-Right. Preemptively.

-Also no.

It's kind of a trick question,

because we actually don't want to use force.

Remember, the job, ultimately, is about keeping America safe.

from...what?

-This could be wrong, but Don Lemon?

-That is wrong, yes. It's criminals.

-Um, teacher?

-Not a teacher. Oh, go ahead.

-Some of these people protesting have guns.

That shouldn't be allowed, right?

-Well, let's flip it around, right?

How many of you went to

a Stop the Steal protest with a loaded automatic weapon?

Fellas, look, you got to do better.

Look, I'm Tom Homan, okay?

I am.

I'm the "separating families at the border" guy,

I'm the "on film, taking a $50,000 bribe" guy,

and y'all are making me look like the upstanding,

reasonable adult in the room.

That's crazy!

Now, alright, let's open it up to some questions.

Yes, you.

-I have a question about the local police.

-That's great. I was hoping someone would

bring this up, because there's been,

you know, some friction there.

What's your question about the local police?

-Um, how come I wasn't allowed to be in them?

-I'm not sure. Yes. Yes, you.

-Yes, so, I have a question about destroying evidence.

-Yeah, let me stop you right there.

You should never, never destroy evidence.

-Got it.

-Don't wink. Don't wink.

Now, who else has a question? Yes, you.

-Yeah, how come all the fast food

in this city tastes like spit?

-It's best not to really think about that, you know?

Alright, one more question.

-I just heard that I'm being detailed to the Super Bowl.

But I'm looking in my ticket app, and I don't see a ticket.

-Right. So, you won't actually have a seat.

-So we're playing in it?

Like, what?

-Guys, guys, no, no.

Let's recap.

[ Sighs ] What have we learned today?

-This could be wrong, but that you hired

a bunch of angry, aggressive guys,

gave us guns, and didn't train us,

so this is maybe what you wanted to happen.

-Oh, come on, man! Don't start thinking now.

You know what? Drop and give me 20.

-How about three with knees, girl style?

-Never mind. Look, the situation out there has been rough,

and we need to lower the temperature.

So let's get out there. Let's show some restraint.

Let's do our job without violating anyone's

rights as Americans.

Can you do that?

-No.

-Well, I had to ask.

Maybe just try not to get filmed.

And live from New York, it's "Saturday Night"!