Original subtitles

Good afternoon, Mrs. Bolton. Good afternoon, Greg.

Good afternoon, Mr. Bolton. Hello, Bill.

No, I'm sorry. I can't talk about it now.

No, no. I'm expecting a long distance call.

Well, phone me in the morning.

Around 11.

Right. Right, thanks.

Bye.

Paper? Oh, hello, darling. Well, how'd everything go this afternoon?

Max phone said we had 14 standees.

I thought you were going to pick me up at the theater after the matinee.

Oh, I'm sorry, dear. I've been waiting around for a call from Daphne. Oh, I got

her rewrite this morning. She has done a fabulous job. Absolutely fabulous.

This is the part you were born for, darling. This is what you've been

for. I've been waiting for only one thing. A vacation.

A gloriously long one.

And until I've had it, I'm not going to do any play.

Why don't you have a drink?

Mike! The theater was simply broiling this afternoon.

During the party scene, I thought I was going to literally suffocate. Yes, Mr.

Bowden? Oh, Mike, fix a drink tray, will you? And put a couple of limes on it.

Yes.

Hello? Yes, yes, put her off.

Yes.

Yes, this is he.

Yes, yes, I'm on the line.

She might possibly be in the kitchen.

She enjoys watching the cook make pies and cakes and things.

Hello, Daphne.

Daphne, darling, how are you?

Yes, yes, lovely girl, got the play this noon.

I am mad about it. You've done a fantastic job.

What a part for Lydia.

Listen, why don't you throw some pajamas and a typewriter in a bag and hop a

plane and meet us at the farm?

I'd love it. The picture I'm on finishes tomorrow. I've just been polishing

dialogue on the set.

And, uh, well, I was going to get out of town anyway.

Yeah. I'm breaking it off with Tony.

Well, somehow I never could picture you on the arm of a tough guy.

He's not.

He's afraid of his own agent.

It's just that he's played so many gangster parts that it's gone to, well,

want of a better word, his head.

All he does all day long is flip a half a dollar and sneer.

Right. Well, let us know when you're arriving.

Bye, Angel.

Bye.

Arthur.

Dear.

I thought we could have another little talk.

Won't do you any good? I told you I'm not leaving here.

I wanted you to meet a friend of mine. He happened to be in the neighborhood.

This is Arthur.

Hi. How do you do, my dear?

I'm so glad to know you.

You an angel, too?

Of course.

He's awful fat for an angel.

Angels, like shoes, come in all sizes.

Well, glad to have met you.

Goodbye.

Stubborn, inconsiderate little rake. Charles, you must control your temper.

you were sarcastic with it before.

That's far from angelic. But she's been acting like this for years. Complete

insubordination. Oh.

Well, just don't stand there, Arthur. You promised to help me. Do something.

Talk to her. I will, I will.

But first I want to be sure I have my facts straight.

This cherub is the unborn child of the couple who live here?

Correct.

How long has she been waiting for birth?

Approximately seven years.

And you think the situation is hopeless? Completely.

When she picked this couple as prospective parents, she selected two of

selfish people that has ever been my displeasure to know. Of course, I mean

selfish in the true sense.

Oh, they're only too willing to help others as long as it costs only money.

As for sharing time, sympathy, and happiness with anyone other than

they're miserly.

Somebody has a strange conception of angels.

Oh, dear.

You said, I believe, they were of the theater.

Successful? Eminently.

About eight years ago, he directed a play which received great acclaim.

The devotees of the theater called him the genius, miracle man, boy wonder, and

all the other superlatives which they continually bestow upon mere adequacy.

She acted in the play, they met.

He fell in love with himself, she fell in love with herself, and they were

married.

Since then, they've always been a team.

He producing and directing the plays, and she acting in them.

They consider their work in the theater of importance equal only to cancer

research. Well, tell me, are they satisfied with their marriage?

That's what they tell each other, but they're gradually forgetting the meaning

of the word.

Oh. They're beginning to get on each other's nerves because they have no

interests outside their individual careers.

The marriage can't last much longer. It's a shame, too.

Fundamentally, they're worthwhile.

To have the child, of course, would be the salvation of the marriage, but that

will never happen because they've come to the sophisticated and idiotic

conclusion that they owe themselves completely to the theatre.

They would only realize.

Have you changed your mind? Are you coming with me?

No. I'm going to stay right here.

Did you say your name was Arthur?

Mm -hmm.

And you're Charles. Yes.

Who ever heard of angels with names like Charles and Arthur?

I've heard of Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, Asriel. A higher echelon.

But not me, Charles of the Northers. There are many things you haven't heard

You're such a young soul. No one expects you to.

Why don't you come over and sit down? Let's have a little chat.

I'm not going to hurt you, dear. I'm here to help you.

That's better.

My, you're a lovely soul.

A treasure.

You'll grace, beautify, bring joy to any home.

But I'm afraid not this one. No chance for you here.

Why not?

Well, simply because these two don't want children.

But if I got born, they might change their minds.

You see, I don't want it just for myself.

They need me. They need something to hold them together.

Something that belongs to both of them. Something to have fun with and fuss

over. And get mad at, too. Yes, that's undoubtedly true. But first you've got

be born.

Well, that's what I've been waiting for.

Why don't I get born?

Well, you see... How

do

you think we'd better proceed?

I suggest changing the subject.

Well, now, dear, let's be practical.

Do you think these people are worth all this trouble and waiting?

Oh, yes.

Down deep, they're really wonderful.

I've known them for a long time.

I was at their wedding.

Oh, you should have been there. They were so happy and gay and full of life.

I made up my mind right then.

I wanted them for my parents.

But you're just wanting them isn't enough.

They've got to want you.

And that brings up another question.

You're not getting any younger, you know.

If you hang around here much longer, if you ever do get born, you'll be an old

woman. Mentally, that is, to be born one of those frightening child prodigies.

Old soul, infant body.

Be playing Chopin masterfully at three, composing at four, reciting the Old

Testament in Hebraic at five, and doing murals at six. Now, if that's what you

want, if you want to be born one of those, all well and good, you just go

ahead, stay here, and wait.

Wait your silly little head off.

Charles, you're resorting to sarcasm again.

No wonder they won't give you more important assignments.

Success. Successful angels do not use sarcasm.

Sometimes I wonder how you got your wings.

I know it's a weakness of mine, Arthur, but... Arthur, I have my own work to do,

and if I'm willing to help you, the least you can do is... Where are you

I just remembered I've got a date.

Well, here we go again.

Come back here.

Slippery little eel, isn't she? Yes.

She's not around here. I've looked everywhere.

Sorry, Charles, I must go. Heidi Kaya just called me. Oh, Walter, can't wait.

It won't take long. Well, please hurry.

Won't be a minute.

What do you mean, running away like that? What are you doing sitting here?

I told you I had a date.

Here he comes now.

Hello, Joe.

Hello. No luck?

No. Me neither.

Oh, I want you to meet Mr.

Charles. He's the angel that's been wanting me to come back.

Hello, Joe.

How are you?

Hello.

I got one that's been after me, too. His name's Mr. Horace. Oh, Horace. A friend

of mine.

Remember me to him.

Joe's in the same boat. He's been waiting for years.

Gets monotonous, too. Being so close and so far all at the same time.

They even got my name picked out, Joe.

You see, my prospective father's a writer.

Hasn't got a dime.

Hasn't been able to sell anything.

Until he does, well... Look, Joe, wouldn't it be fun to be able to taste

cream? Sure would.

Well,

I better be getting back.

He was working on a short story when I left.

Hope it turns out good. Be nice if we could sell it to the movies, but... See

ya. Bye, Joe.

Goodbye, Joe.

Bye.

Everything we've done so far, thank heaven the critics have shouted about

But believe me, darling, this is the one they'll remember.

It's wide open for me to do an entirely new kind of staging.

And as for you, Clarice isn't just a part, it's a challenge.

Until they bury the theater, it'll be known as the test of an actress's

greatness.

After she licks Juliet, and Electra, and Canada, and Lady Macbeth, and Joan,

then she'll play Clarice.

Just to find out if she's really got it.

There's a part that will absolutely put... Oh, Jeff, stop it, please. That's

what you said about the last play and the play before that.

And if you must eat those vile things, please keep them at breast length. You

know, even the odor makes me deathly ill.

She can't stand them, but he loves them.

I wonder what things smell and taste like.

Especially peanuts.

I've often been curious myself.

But not especially about peanuts.

We're a little edgy tonight, aren't we?

And with good cause, I think.

I come home for a moment's rest between performances, and you keep selling me

this script as if you were trying to get me to back the show.

I merely ask you to look at it.

We've got plenty of time for magazines.

Daphne's beat her brains out rewriting this play. It seems the least you can do

is to read it.

At the moment, I am still playing a play.

I have played it 517 times.

I have played it with fever. I have played it with chills.

I have played it with three cracked ribs and an abscessed tooth.

And I'm exhausted.

Completely and utterly exhausted.

Well, in the past, no matter how tired you were, you couldn't wait to read your

next one.

If you must know, I'm afraid to read this one.

Afraid? Yes.

For two reasons.

First, it might be a colossal failure.

Oh, sweet. Not this one. It's a smash. Believe me. And that's my second reason.

It might be a colossal success, which would be worse. Wait a minute, darling.

It's true.

What will it give us?

If we're lucky, we'll run for two years. Two years of the same day -by -day

existence without purpose or meaning.

Yes, but darling... We don't know where reality begins and pose leaves off

anymore. We're useless, Jack.

Stagnant. Oh, come, darling.

We needn't apologize for our lives or our marriage.

As I see it, we've done an awfully good job of both.

To us, sweet.

And to the children we might have had.

Look, darling, I understand completely.

I understand how you feel. I want children just as much as you. You know

But where are the theater?

The jealous, fickle, all -consuming theater.

It demands our companionship, our energy, and our affection.

And it'll never settle for 50 cents on the dollar.

But one of these days, we'll retire in triumph and give ourselves to our

children with the same devotion we're giving ourselves to the theater.

Jeff, you've been saying that for... I've never heard such unmitigated

Such stupid, selfish... Surely after hearing that, you don't intend to stay.

Oh, they'll change their minds. I know they will.

Never.

Never. But, Mr. Charles, they change their minds about plays all the time. So

I'm sure they'll change their minds about me. At the very thought of

he rationalizes you out of any possible existence.

Feel better?

Yes. I'm sorry I went all to pieces.

Lately, it seems we're forever getting on each other's nerves. No, no. It was

all my fault. Forgive me.

I was acting like a director and not a husband.

I should have been more sensitive.

No, I was the difficult one. You were right. I can see it now.

You just lie here and take it easy. I'm going up to change.

Where's the script?

On the coffee table.

I might as well start reading it. Good. We'll talk about it tonight.

And first thing in the morning, I'll go out and dig me up a nice, juicy angel.

The man's an idiot.

There's no such thing as a juicy angel, and they're definitely not dug up.

He didn't mean angels like you. He meant angels with money.

Somebody to back the show.

Oh, I see.

Wait a minute. This gives me an idea. I think I found the solution.

My orders say settle the case.

That does not necessarily mean I have to bring you back.

There is another way to settle the case. How, Mr. Charles, how?

I'm going to materialize, become human for a time, meet these two holdouts and

make them see the limitless joys of parenthood.

I'm going to get you born, you little doll.

Oh, Mr. Charles, can you do it? Really?

I'm sure I can.

You see, I should become this juicy angel your future daddy is going to dig

tomorrow. But he likes them with money. That's easy.

I'll simply make him think I have money.

My dear humans do it every day. Now, where does he meet these people, and

exactly do these dug -up characters look and act like?

Well, the last 20 men at the racetrack, and they're going there tomorrow.

You could meet him there. He's superstitious. He'd think it was an

No, no, no.

Don't rush things.

What did he look like?

Well, he was tall and had a big cattle ranch way out west.

And he talked and walked and looked.

Wait a minute. Come on, I can show you just what he was like. Come on. Come on.

Of course, you realize that if you're successful with our project, you won't

this lucky.

After you're born, you'll have to pay to get in. It'll be worth it.

Hmm.

Now, let's see. Who do you like?

I like, uh, El Shribo.

El Shribo.

El Shribo. Now, let's see.

El Shribo. El Shribo.

No, I don't think so, dear. He has a very bad jockey, Art Klum.

Never won a race.

Thank you. Thank you.

That was the strangest thing.

Perfectly still and then that sudden gust of wind.

I'll see to your program you got number three marked down as your choice.

I kind of cut into number seven myself.

Number seven? Well, I hadn't even considered that one.

Then you better not. He hasn't a chance.

Now listen, this guy's probably out of town.

The horses will reach the starting gate in five minutes.

When he told us to bet on it.

One is

just as easy as roping a fence post.

And he'll pay close to $20, too.

Who do you like in the second?

Well, ma 'am, I'll sort of leave a roly -poly at number nine.

He was just lucky this race. Roly -poly won't be close.

Get Tiny Tim and Roly -poly.

Roly -poly on the inside. Tiny Tim on the inside. Come on, Tiny!

Come on, he's going to do it! Come on, boy!

Come on, Tiny! Come on, Tiny! He did it!

Roly -poly a second.

See, I told you Tiny Tim would do it. Number nine ran second anyway.

Oh, I wouldn't tear up that ticket, ma 'am, if I was you.

I think you'll find that you... Your attention.

disqualified. The official result now appears on the Togolai Zeta Boy.

Mr. Charles?

Just make yourself at home, Mr. Charles. We'll be right down. No cause for

rushing, ma 'am. Won't be a minute.

Okay, partner. Okay, okay. Oh,

Mr.

Charles, you're wonderful.

You look and act just perfect.

There's only one difficulty. These high heels are killing.

Good evening, Charles.

Arthur, I didn't expect you... Why in the name of heaven are you here? In the

name of heaven?

I want to talk to you.

Perhaps we'd better go out on the balcony.

If they should come down and see you talking to thin air, they'll think

crazy.

Remember, you're human now. You've got to open them.

Don't...

Me. I'll learn. I'll learn.

After all, you know, you didn't fly so well the first time.

Charles.

In the long time I've known you, you've done many foolish things, but this is

undoubtedly the most idiotic. To the contrary.

I think it was a brilliant idea on my part.

But you don't know what you're letting yourself in for.

Taking on flesh is not easy. Nonsense.

Human beings do it, and you know what morons they are. But I've had

You'll find many temptations and... My dear Arthur, please don't worry.

I'm completely capable of coping with temptation.

Well, just in case you're overestimating your ability, I've been assigned to

keep an eye on you. Oh, Mr. Charles.

I think they're looking for you.

Hmm.

Here they are. I'll be around, just in case.

Nice view.

Sure is.

Mighty fine shack you got here, partner. Well, thanks. It's comfortable.

How many rooms?

Seven.

Big family, I suppose.

No, just Mrs. Bolton and myself.

And, of course, Lynn and Alfred.

Huh?

Oh, yeah.

Seems kind of sinful wasting all this space and always entertain the notion

shacks and big families kind of run together.

Nothing more joyful than having a full house, whether it be poker or family.

That's right. Fix you a drink?

Thanks, partner. Don't mind if I do.

Charles?

Oh, liquor?

No, no, never touch the stuff.

I'm so very sorry to have kept you waiting, Mr. Charles.

When I see you like that, ma 'am, strikes me you're well worth waiting

You dear man.

Just think, Jeff, if it hadn't been for that sudden puff of wind, we probably

never would have met this divine person.

I like to think of that sudden puff as an angel's breath.

Yup.

Lucky for me, too, because I take you both like sick kittens to warm bricks,

'am. What a delightful way to put it. And I adore you calling me ma 'am, but

make it Lydia.

And Jeff.

Admire, too.

Westerners have such colorful nicknames. I was wondering why... I've sometimes

been called slim.

Somehow I felt it would be slim.

The name's so... so friendly.

May I call you Slim?

My, haven't you?

You played a harp, Lydia?

No, not really. I used it once in a show.

I pick at it occasionally.

But do you play, Slim?

Little.

Why, Slim, that's heavenly.

It's so incongruous seeing cowboy boots behind a harp.

Back home, he got plenty of them.

More harps than a gopher has ticks.

Where you from, Slim?

God's country.

And I'll bet you're a rancher. What do you handle?

Sheep. Big flock.

Powerful big.

How many acres you got, Slim? Never counted them.

Here on business?

Big deal.

Tough, too.

Tougher than a 30 -cent steak.

Well, if there's anything we can do to help you, Slim, just sing out.

I'm liable to.

Real liable.

You know, Lydia, Slim reminds me so much of Henry.

He was also a big cattleman.

Come to think of it, I met him at the track, too, didn't I?

Oh, we became great friends, did a show together.

He made himself tidy somehow.

I reckon if you pick the right play, show business can be a right good

investment. It certainly can. Of course, it's a terrific gamble.

Shucks. I gambled before, did you?

It just so happens we're getting ready to do a new play written by Daphne

Peters. She did our last.

But this is more than a play. It's an experience in the theater.

You might even say it's a reflection of life.

Isn't that right, dear?

Oh, it's magnificent.

I'd like to read it myself.

Think you might be interested in joining up with us, Slim?

No harm talking about it.

Say, I just got a thought.

You know, we're going down to our farm for the weekend, and Daphne's meeting us

there. Why don't you join us, Slim, and we can all sort of kick it around

together.

And Ma, too.

Thanks for your hospitality.

Well, who knows?

Someday we may go west.

I'm sure you will.

Everybody does.

Well, Mike. Yes, sir? Better bring some more cat food.

Yes, sir.

Of course, it's not large compared to your ranch. It's only 35 acres, but...

Mike, did you remember to bring the records?

Yes, ma 'am. I wouldn't dream of going away without Joukowsky. Mighty fine man.

I agree.

Mr. Arthur, aren't you going to ride down with us? No, thanks. I think I'll

When I get born, it's going to be so nice to come here. I bet you it's the

peachiest thing you've ever seen.

It's such a beautiful farm, isn't it? Farm?

No self -respecting reddish would grow here.

This used to be a useful dairy.

Now look at it.

I wonder what they've done with the pig pen.

Made a bar out of it. Then you stay away from the pig pen.

My host.

And I have an idea what he's working up to.

Uh -oh.

Almost forgot.

Hiya, partner. Well, hello, Slim.

Just came in to see if you were comfortable.

Just as cozy as a little old chick on a sheep's back.

Good, good.

Slim, I naturally don't want to appear to be rushing things, but you said you

read the play last night. I like it. It's got more excitement than a rodeo.

Well... So I'd like to get things sort of started, you know, arrange for a

theater, get a scenic designer, post the equity bond. You just go right ahead.

Well, that's where you come in.

Of course, I won't need it all right now, just $20 ,000 or $30 ,000.

Is that all?

Well, as soon as we get back to New York, I'll go by the bank and... Oh, why

bother? Just write me a check.

Dog gone.

Thanks for reminding me. I knew there was something I forgot to bring along.

Yeah, what was that?

My checkbook. Oh, I have plenty of blank checks in the house. The trouble is, I

wouldn't know which account to draw it on. But I'll be talking to my partner

a long, and we'll figure it out. Right nice little red she got here, partner.

soon as I get my saddlebag unpacked, I'd like to look around.

Lots of lights for dropping in. I might be comfortable.

Yep.

Well, I've talked to him a half a dozen times, but he keeps worming out of it

and stalling me. Have you tried leaving a blank check under his dinner plate?

No, but believe it or not, I tucked one in the corner of his shaving mirror.

What happened? Nothing. It's still there.

I thought maybe if you'd talk to him, Daphne, and sort of... Oh, so that's the

gazipe. Well, after all, my dear, it's your play.

Okay, I'll go to work on him.

I wonder what approach I should use this time.

Well, the one you've got on is all right.

How do you like Pennsylvania, Mr. Charles?

The only thing I miss around here is the cactus.

Mighty fond of cactus, ma 'am.

There you are.

Thank you, Mr. Charles.

You're welcome, ma 'am. Of course, my friends call me Slim.

I was hoping we could be more than just friends.

Slim. Hope so, too.

Oh, God.

You smell sweeter than a field of clover.

That ain't hay, is it?

No, ma 'am. Hay's something else again.

Oh, skip it, Slim.

Shall I see you for cocktails?

Margie?

Yep.

Oh, Slim.

Yes, ma 'am. Don't you think you'd better leave those here?

Oh, excuse me, ma 'am.

Excuse me.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Hello,

Arthur.

Enjoying yourself?

Oh, yes.

The strangest feeling is creeping through me. It's a warm, tingling

You better run along and play someplace.

Why are they tingling?

Run along, dear. Run along.

Really, Charles, I'm terribly disappointed in you. So am I. And a

worried.

Arthur.

Do you remember the first time you tried your wings?

Do you recall that delightful, titillating sensation as you left the

Well, that's it.

It's love.

A feeling you must not feel again. It's the one temptation above all others you

must resist.

I know it. And that's what I said to myself as I stood next to her. I said,

Charles, this is not very angelic of you.

And then a tiny voice inside of me said, so what?

You see, the spirit was unwilling, but the flesh was weak.

A very human trait.

And the solution is to stop it before you start.

Perhaps I can help you in this.

It... You see these bluebells?

Yes. If at any time I feel you are succumbing to temptation, I'll ring one

them.

Like this.

Thank you, Arthur.

That'll be an excellent reminder.

Right now, sir, a body of land you got here, partner.

Oh, thanks, Slim.

Hello there.

Howdy, ma 'am. How about a drink before dinner?

Well, I reckon one little old drink ain't gonna... Well, on second thought,

though, I reckon I'd better skip it for now.

Well, as you say.

Slim, Daphne and I were just going over the script, and we... Well, the bull

said as he sunk his horns in the cowboy's seat, hope he ain't intruding.

On the contrary, we want to talk to you. Yeah, it's just sort of formulating our

production plan. I reckon a venture like this takes a lot of formulating. Oh, it

certainly does, certainly does.

You know, Slim, there are a lot of things to be talked over.

Leases, contracts, that sort of thing.

A lot of considering to be done.

Have some peanuts.

Thanks. I practically have to keep them locked up with you. I can't stand them.

I might have tasted them. Why don't you sit down, Slim?

I might have.

You know, Slim, unless a person's experienced in the theater, he very

doesn't realize the tremendous financial return that's possible with a good

play. Oh, it's very often, very often. And this is a good play. I reckon you

ought to know.

After all, you wrote it. It's bound to be a smash because it's built around a

character with whom everyone will feel a personal identification.

Would you like me to explain to you how I see this character?

I'm mad.

Do you mind if I... It's all right, partner. I'll get it myself.

Say, Slim, excuse me. I'm going to get some fresh peanuts. These are just a bit

soggy. So is this cigarette.

Slim, sit down.

Thank you, ma 'am.

Oh, no.

Over here beside me.

It might.

Way over there.

Fred, I'm going to bite you.

Shucks.

Ain't a scare to be a bit.

Might kind of like it.

Yep.

Come on, a little closer.

Slim, what is the matter?

It's just when I get close to you, I hear bells ringing.

Well, Muhammad won't come to the mountains.

The way I see this character, she isn't an evil woman. She's... Well, she's...

She's just a woman.

Warm.

Appealing.

Inviting.

Exciting.

Sure is.

Hair of pure honey.

Yes. She could be played that way.

Rife is an autumn plum.

That she is.

Hello, lover boy.

Need a little fresh air.

Arthur, I wish you'd stop... popping in and out of places, and I wish you'd stop

mixing business with pleasure. You came here for a purpose. I was going to talk

to Lydia, but I couldn't find her. She's sitting over there under the tree.

As you can see, I've arranged with Heidi Kaya for a parade of motherhood.

Hmm.

Very touching.

I'm sure she's ripe for a few well -chosen words.

Yes. Yes.

This will make my task much easier.

Good.

Be fruitful and multiply and replenish here.

Ain't it a joy you're watching them heeding the good word?

At first it filled me with peace and contentment.

And then I was overcome with a great sadness.

In what way, Lydia?

I was looking back over my career and my life. And I thought, if I should die at

this moment, what... would I leave behind?

A few volumes of critical acclaim. Quite a few, as a matter of fact.

But nothing else.

For a time, I'd be remembered for my artistry.

But then what?

That's right.

There wouldn't be no one to bear in your name. No one has stolen down life's

highway who was a partier.

No son or daughter to even write about.

Things like, I remember Mama and life with Mama.

It ain't too late, Lydia.

No, but too soon. Jeff and I decided the theater was our whole life.

Don't you reckon that sort of selfish of you?

Here you are enjoying all the wonders of nature, and yet you're depriving

somebody else of the chance to enjoy him too.

You're right, Slim.

So completely right.

Slim, there's something I think you should know.

Our marriage hasn't been too successful.

We've had trial separations, but nothing seems to work.

I'm afraid it's headed for the rocks.

Now, don't you think such a thing.

You've just got to make a go of it for... Oh, for a lot of reasons.

If you don't, you'll be regretting it all the rest of your life. And I will

Lydia. You've got to do everything to make your marriage solid and strong.

I must talk this over with Jeff.

I wouldn't.

But after all, he's the...

Look at that you and that lamb out there.

Ain't that a picture for you?

That you's found the meaning of life.

She's found satisfaction and contentment.

But if she'd talked it over with her husband first, the only conclusion

arrived at was, well, it wasn't worthwhile.

He'd have said, what's he used to here?

The children will just wind up as a leg of lamb on somebody's table.

So...

They didn't talk it over.

Pretty sensible way to handle it, too.

Oh, Slim.

Bless you. Bless you.

Matt.

Hello, darling.

If they break up, Arthur, we're ruined. We have to help it along.

Perhaps as a starter...

A subtle and delightful scent of flowers bathed in moonlight would serve our

purpose. Yes.

Being

the

only one present capable of feeling mortal sensations, you'll have to guide

bit.

Yes, Arthur, we'll let my flesh be the thermometer, so to speak.

And now I think a warm and gentle breeze might be helpful.

I wish I had my hat. I may have misplaced it somewhere.

Arthur, I didn't say a hurricane.

That better?

Katie Kyle will be so pleased. I'm sure he will.

We had the same trouble with footsteps off the ceiling. Went on for months and

months and months.

I've never done a show yet we didn't have this trouble, but you said it's an

emergency. And I was trying my best, but all he came for was his hat.

The man must be out of his mind.

Well, you'll just have to keep working on him, Dad.

If we don't get some money, we won't be able to start until next season.

Western Union, sir.

Hello.

Yes, this is Eve.

The message reads...

Hi, you old coyote.

What do you mean, a -sleeping out of the corral?

Itching to see you and the missus arriving on the ten o 'clock.

Can you meet me, Tex?

Did you get that?

Yes, yes, I got it. Thank you.

Who do you suppose is on his way down here?

Tex. I have to meet him. Tex? Hmm.

Tex Henry, the guy that backed the last show. Oh, muscle man.

Now, don't tell me I have to work on him, too. No, my darling, you just work

Little Slim.

No show ever suffered from having too much money.

No, but playwrights can suffer from too many bankers.

Oh, good morning.

Good morning. Tell Mike we're starved. We've been riding since six.

Good morning, creepalong.

Something I can do for you, sir.

Miss Peters here.

Yes, sir. She's in the bar.

Who shall I say is calling?

You don't say nobody's calling, see?

I'm a friend of hers, see?

I'll find her.

Yes, sir. Wait a minute.

I think of a dollar.

I think so, sir.

I'll just take the hat.

Keep the rest.

Thank you, sir. May I have that?

Just lost a half a buck here.

If you find it, remember, it's mine.

Yes, sir.

That's why this play means so much to me.

It'll break my heart if it isn't produced.

Well, I certainly wouldn't do one little old thing to cause you to be vexed,

sugar. Oh, you're sweet.

I know Jeff's hesitant about asking him. I don't mean to rush things, but... Get

your coat.

Oh, it's the menace.

What are you doing here?

I came east to settle a text, Beef.

Thought I'd drop by and pick you up, see?

Get your coat. Who are you?

Don't be scared, Slim. This is strictly B -movie tough stuff.

Are you coming or do I have to drag you out of here?

Haven't they sent you a new script yet?

That was from your last picture.

I wouldn't try to molest the little lady, mister, if I was you.

Out of my way, stupid.

When you say that, stranger, smile.

If you want to collect your old age pension, you better not start nothing,

Now, I ain't looking for trouble, stranger, but if trouble comes looking

I won't be hard to find.

Tough, huh?

When I'm riled.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Look, if you're thinking of getting tough, this ship ain't no butter knife,

And just remember, stranger, I don't scare easy.

I reckon you'll find it healthy around here if you put that toad stabber away.

Keep it just in case, see.

I got a feeling this place ain't big enough for both of us.

So you better take your saddlebag and get, and I wouldn't be a -trying to cut

buttons off my shirt, stranger.

Beautiful, Slim. Gary Cooper couldn't have done it any better.

That's who I learned it from.

I'll get even with you for this, see?

Now, if you want to act peaceful like stranger, you're welcome

around here.

But I'd advise you not to get on me again, or I'm liable to get really

Daphne, Tex is here.

Uh -oh. If he pays a fight with this guy, he'll get killed.

Well, Tex, it's mighty good to see you.

You're looking like a million.

Lydia will be down in a second, Tex.

Just a minute.

So now you're going around knocking people down.

He pulled a knife on me.

Nobody gets away with that.

You've succumbed to pride, vanity, appetites of the flesh, and now

Thank heaven you haven't got any money. You'd be impossible.

Don't worry about me.

I can take care of myself.

See?

How are you, sweetheart?

Miss Shakespeare and the greatest little actress in the whole world. I've been a

hankering to squeeze you both again.

You're a nasty cat in the house.

Ah, it's good to see you, Tex. This is Tony Clark.

Well, howdy. And this is... Hey, you're in the movie Pictures, ain't you?

Yeah, that's me. Well, doggone.

Now, I never expected to meet a real live movie actor.

I wonder, now, I know folks pester you a lot, and I hate to ask you this, Mr.

Clark. Oh, it's no bother. Whatever happened to Hoot Gibson?

Tex. He was a favorite of mine.

And this is Slim Charles, Tex McCord, Slim.

Howdy, Tex. Well, and a great big howdy to you, Slim.

Well, Slim, so you're the critter who snuck into my corral when I wasn't a

-looking. I reckon you must have roped the wrong steer, Tex.

Don't quite get your meaning. Oh, he's talking about backing the show, Slim.

Yeah, turn my back and somebody else puts their brand on my cattle.

Jeff tried desperately to get in touch with you, Tex.

Yeah, I know. He said he sent me some wires, but shucks, Lydia, I was in

Oh, wow.

Tex. You mean you'd like to put up the money for this show, too?

Sure would. Much as they want. You know, I've been sort of crazy about the

theater ever since I saw Ladies' Night in a Turkish bath.

But I guess there's no use hoping. You beat me to it.

More power to you, Slim.

Oh, no, no, no. I reckon by back in the last one, you sort of staked out a

claim. Now, I ain't no claim jumper, so you go right ahead. It's all yours. No,

sir. Now, you see here, Slim, if I don't work my claim, I deserve to lose it. If

I took it, I could never live with myself, Tex.

I'd feel I'd done it when your back was turned.

Now, I don't want to hear another word.

It's yours and good luck.

Now, Jeff, this ain't fair.

Slim, I'll tell you what we'll do.

We'll settle this thing like gentlemen should.

We'll cut cards for it. But that ain't necessary, Tex.

I'll give it to you willingly.

I ain't gonna take it. It's cut cards or nothing.

High card gets to back the show.

But I don't see we should go to all that trouble. Oh, that's a splendid idea,

Slim. Splendid.

There you are. Cut.

Okay.

Slim, wait, wait, wait.

I'll tell you what we'll do to make it more interesting. We'll have a

consolation prize.

High card gets to back the show and pays the low card $10 ,000. $10 ,000? But I

don't see why.

Why? Oh, a tray.

Dog. I must be slipping.

Well, come on, Slim. What have you got? Come on. Turn it over.

Well, don't go on.

Little old deuce.

Looks as if I'm slipping, too.

Oh, I thought it was going to be slim. Well, Tex, I guess you're backing

show. Yes, sir. And I tell you, I never was happier paying off a bet in my life.

Seven, eight, nine, ten thousand, Slim. It's all yours.

Now I guess I got a right to make you out a check.

Oh, now don't feel for a minute that you have to do that, Tex. Oh, no. Now I'll

just sign it, Jeff, and you fill it in. There's no hurry at all. No hurry, Tex.

You'll be around. I'll just call on you as I need it. No, no. I got to get right

back.

They called me last night.

Five new oil wells came in.

Now I got to buy 5 ,000 more head of cattle for tax purposes.

You know, if this keeps up, I'm just going to have to take over New Mexico.

Charles, I think if you would... I'm busy.

Don't bother me.

Now we're really in for trouble.

Here's your half dollar, sir. I found it under the couch.

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

Why should mugs like me take the rat? I tell you, this guy cuts cards for ten

cheese. Mr. Clark, we are discussing your tax return, no one else's. But this

character, I tell you... We are looking into Mr. Charles.

And as a citizen, we thank you for bringing him to our attention.

Now let us confine ourselves to your return.

Okay, get going.

The first point I wish to clarify for you is that just because you play

on the screen doesn't permit you to take your losses at the racetrack as

business deductions. Why not?

It happens to be the law.

Well, it stinks, see?

How can I get the law changed?

Congress makes the tax laws, Mr. Clark.

Perhaps if you got 60 or 70 jockeys elected to Congress, they might see

your way and make some revision.

But I'm... I just talked to Washington.

There's no record of any Charles Charles from Montana ever filing a tax return.

See that? I had him beg for a chiseler right from the start.

He's got a ranch bigger than Manhattan.

I'll lay a six to five. He's a fence for hot sheep.

Want me to turn it over to Ed?

No, I'll handle it. I want to follow him first and watch his spending habits.

You'll see plenty.

I've been running around with my dame for a month now. I've been tailing him.

He passes out C -notes like there was dimes.

And when you get a load of where he lives, he's got a penthouse.

Six of the biggest rooms you ever saw.

May I take the table, sir?

Oh, you'll find some bills on the table there. Just help yourself.

Thank you, sir.

Ten dollars?

Yep.

Thank you, sir.

Arthur. In the name of heaven, now what are you doing?

The other night, Daphne and I dropped by a club where they had a sitting

harpist. I learned more tricks from him. Get a load of this.

Can't wait to get back and show that to the boys.

That's nothing but musical profanity.

It's immoral. Now stop it.

Arthur, don't be such a square.

It's just that you're not hip.

Perhaps not. But there's one thing I am.

And that's mighty disgusting with you.

Ever since you came by that money, you've been selfish, arrogant,

You've been doing nothing but going about to nightclubs with that Jezebel.

My dear Arthur, I've got to spend the money.

After all, you can't take it with you. Might as well have a little fun. You

live once.

Don't that send you?

Wow!

And what about that poor child?

You've forgotten all about her.

Ever since you left the farm a month ago, you've just ignored her plight.

I've been waiting for the proper moment, which is now.

Jeff and Lydia are celebrating their eighth anniversary, and tonight I'm

them a simply lavish dinner party. There'll be magnums of champagne and

They'll go home warm in the feeling of romance.

There'll be memories of other anniversaries. I have a better idea.

Arthur, I'm not interested in your ideas. I shall do this my way.

Very well.

Do it your way.

From now on, I will not even offer advice.

I'll just sit silently by and watch you get in deeper and deeper and

deeper. Good.

Hello?

Oh, hiya, honeybunch.

Excuse me just a minute, please.

Was there anything else, Arthur? Nothing.

Goodbye.

Sorry, darling.

There's somebody here impressed with him, but he's disappeared now, so I can

speak freely.

Yep.

Taxi, Mr. Charles? No, I've got a few minutes to spare. I reckon I'll walk.

thanks for thinking about it.

There you are, partner.

Ten dollars?

Don't go on. I thought it was a twenty.

Pardon my error.

Fine angel you are. I thought you were going to help me. I have other things to

attend to first. Now run along and don't bother me.

He was so nice before.

What's happened to him? Same thing that happens to a lot of people, just living.

Hi.

Oh.

Any luck?

Me neither.

Remember the story I told you he was writing?

Nobody bought it.

He's down in the dumps. Is that your prospective father?

He's waiting for my prospective mother.

She's going to feel terrible when he tells her they turned it down.

Isn't there some way you can at least help him? They like his writing. It's

that they don't care for his ideas. Wait a minute.

A long, long time ago, I was on an assignment that was highly amusing and

dramatic. I always felt it would make an excellent novel.

I wonder if I could get it through to him.

Sometimes.

When the person's receptive and we concentrate real hard... Oh, try it!

Got a little trinket, honey buns.

You know I love it. Cigarette? You're the little lady who can show it off.

Cigar?

Missy. Yes, Mr. Charles? Where are the ones with the gold tips?

Oh, that's right. Thank you very much.

There

you

are. Keep the change, sweet stuff.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Charles. Not at all, not at all.

She'll take that straight home to her mother. Very generous child.

Very generous.

John. What?

Good night.

Darling. Say, you know, dear, I just got a thought on this back wall.

Maybe the door's in the wrong place.

I think if we moved it over just a little, it'd be much better for the

the third act.

Oh, now, Lydia, wait a minute.

Look, darling, I've got to okay the blueprints on this in the morning,

Darling, this is the eighth anniversary of our marriage.

Not of your entrance into the theater.

And you don't celebrate it by fondling toy furniture.

Oh, Jeff.

Let's postpone the show until spring.

Let's take a trip.

Just the two of us.

Darling, look, we've been over this time. Darling, we need a refresher

the fundamentals of living.

I realized that tonight watching Slim.

When we first met him, he was shy and genuine.

Now look at him.

Smug, self -centered.

We've changed him, Jeff.

And it's a pretty sad commentary on us.

Yes, dear.

Something strange and rather wonderful has enveloped me these past few days.

I've lost that fanatical interest in the theater.

All I want is just the two of us.

A home and a family.

Somehow, I have no enthusiasm for this play now.

Well, now, don't you worry, dear. After four weeks' rehearsal, you'll be just as

excited about it as I am.

I doubt it.

And if I have no enthusiasm, it'll stink, dear.

After all, I'm the whole show.

Well, darling, I grant your importance.

But there are a few other elements to consider.

The other actors, the writing, and I, for instance, plan an entirely new kind

staging with this. I'm sure it'll be just fine.

But after all, dear, people don't come all the way in from Connecticut just to

see a new kind of staging.

That stuff sparkles, honey buns, but not like your eyes, no sir. Monsieur

Charles, devinez, père et fils, trente -trois.

Mercy, Garkon, mercy.

Yep, I reckon as hell that's Bond. Trace Bond.

Iced it up.

Bien, monsieur.

Miss Peters has a long -distance call for you from Los Angeles. Oh, thanks.

Don't bother. I'll be right back.

Don't be long, honeybunch.

That show is dead.

Garkon.

Bury that, will you? Yes. And I'll tell you what... Say, partner, you look

as lonely as a sheepherder on Christmas Eve.

Somebody turn you down?

No, just didn't show up.

Well, I reckon that's how we got enough champagne for a maverick like you.

Care to join me?

Well, thanks.

A garkin.

A glass, gentlemen.

Yes, sir.

My name's Arthur Crane. Howdy, partner.

I'm Slim Charles.

Arrest yourself.

That's quite a dinner you gave tonight.

Nothing's too good for friends.

I suppose it was business.

In a way, that's what I figured.

Nobody could give a blowout like this nowadays unless it was deductible.

Unless you could take it off your income tax as a business deduction.

Income tax?

What's that?

It's a little scheme the government's figured out. It's been working quite

You mean people have to pay a tax on what they earn?

That's the idea.

Well, my calculator's how that ain't fair.

Do you mean you've never paid a tax?

Never.

That's what the record shows.

I, uh...

I'm from the Department of Internal Revenue.

Say,

that's a bright and nice picture, you partner.

Yes, I like it.

You see, I've been tailing you all day, watching your spending habits.

You live quite lavishly, don't you? You betcha.

This last month's been a powerful lot of fun.

Tell me, why haven't you ever filed an income tax return?

Nobody ever asked me to.

Well, you see, the taxpayers of America is not an honorary society.

We don't send out invitations.

It's the law.

You just pay.

I don't.

That's it. Keep it up. Get yourself in real trouble.

Be quiet, Arthur. I didn't ask your opinion.

I didn't give any.

Oh, doggone.

That's right, ain't it? Your name's Arthur, too.

I was talking to the other one there.

Oh.

Yeah.

Well, just drop down to the office tomorrow.

Here's the address.

My boss would like to talk to you. Oh, I'm mighty sorry about it, but I won't

here tomorrow.

I've got to get back tonight.

I'd stay over if I...

Well, you see, I... Well,

I might as well tell you, but don't mention it because people just think

crazy.

You see, I'm not really a westerner.

That law was just for effect.

Matter of fact, I'm not even a human being.

I'm an angel.

So is Arthur there.

Oh.

Really? Yes.

I just came down to settle a little matter, but looks like it's over now, so

very shortly I'm going to dematerialize and go back to heaven.

They haven't got any income tax.

That's why they call it heaven.

Yes, well, have a good trip.

Thanks very much, partner.

Thank you.

Now, if you're ready to take advice, my advice to you is get out of here as fast

as ever you can.

Nonsense, Arthur.

There's still some more champagne.

Oh, he's probably a little stewed. I tell you, he thinks he's an angel.

Look, that's another angel he thinks he's talking to.

Date of birth?

I wasn't born, I was created.

The second day of the world.

Any sisters or brothers?

Oh, yes.

Millions of both.

Well, I think that gives us the necessary data.

Now, tell me more about yourself, Mr. Charles. But why, Doctor?

You will write it all down. Other doctors will study it and then describe

complex scientific terms.

They'll come to see me and I shall be gone. It'll be most embarrassing for

Oh, you're planning on leaving?

Yes, I don't want to take up any more of your time.

There are others, I'm sure, who need your guidance.

And now I must be going. But the door is locked, Mr. Charles. How do you propose

to leave?

At nightfall, how does the sunlight leave this room?

I raise my hands, and in a trice, I am gone.

Goodbye, gentlemen.

You have been very kind, with the slight exception of depriving me of my

suspenders and tie. I'm sorry, Mr. Charles. Hospital rules.

No matter.

It would only make vanishing a little clumsy.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Bye.

Now.

Stand.

Why

don't you

lie down, Mr. Charles?

I'm sure after you've had a nice rest, you'll find it much easier.

He appears to be in an acute delusional state.

Imagine we find alcohol has quite a bit to do with it. And yet his gait is far

from a toxic. He's coherent.

No evidence of dysarthria. Study him from the observation room. If you

anything further, call me. Yes, Doctor.

Well, just don't stand there grinning like an ape.

Say something.

What is there to say?

With the possible exception of it serves you right. Why can't I vanish? What's

happened? What's the matter? You violate every rule of angelic behavior and you

ask, what's the matter?

You got yourself into this? Haiti cars, when you're saying, get yourself out.

You mean... I failed a mat too.

Hurry, you've got to talk to them before it's too late.

It's already too late. And I have already talked too much.

Coming here was such a simple and delightful luck.

Leaving here, unfortunately, is not so easy.

But why don't you just vanish?

I've tried it.

The only thing that happens is that my trousers fall.

To heaven ever?

That apparently is my miserable fate.

Well, goodbye, Charles.

A fine angel you are. You can't leave him like this. We've got to help him.

If I went back, do you think they'd let you be an angel again?

As much as you want to be born, you'd do that for me.

If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be here.

You wanted to help.

It didn't work out, but you wanted to help.

That's the important thing.

You're very unselfish.

It's a pity it didn't work out.

You would have made a great human being.

Oh, Mr. Arthur, we've got to help him. We've got to find some... I have an

What's your boss's name?

Hedekiah.

You know my child.

Don't waste your prayers on me. I don't deserve them.

Save them for yourself.

It always works better if they're for somebody else.

We can stay longer.

I won't be a minute.

I just want to look at them once more before I go.

Don't pack too much, dear. I'll be leaving for Europe the end of the week.

can move back in then.

Oh, thanks, but these are things I'll need at the office for a production

conference. If you should forget anything, just call and I'll be glad to

over. Thanks loads. And if I can be of any help with passports, visas, or

traveler's checks, please don't hesitate to let me know.

That's very considerate of you. Well, just because we've decided to go our

separate ways, there's no reason why we can't do it as civilized people should.

You're perfectly right, dear. It would be most childish to end it with

bitterness and slamming doors. After all, we've had eight wonderful years

together. And there's no reason why we shouldn't remember that rather than an

eight -minute quarrel. You're absolutely right, dear.

Oh, if they only knew it. There's still so much in love.

I'm on my way back.

Oh, gee, no.

They're busting up. I've got to go.

And yet I hate to, no more than ever, because now I can almost feel this

and smell those flowers.

Goodbye, Mother.

Goodbye, Daddy.

I'm sorry you never knew me.

I think you might have liked me.

Come, dear.

I think we'd better go now.

Just another minute, please.

Although we don't see eye to eye on this play, I do wish you luck with it.

Here's to it.

Oh, where's my drink? Oh, there it is. Excuse me.

And here's to you, my dear.

May the future bring you everything you hoped the past would.

Thank you.

May I have some of those peanuts, please?

Oh, certainly.

That's strange.

I never thought you could tolerate these things.

Never could. But for some strange reason, I just had a sudden craving for

Thanks.

Not at all.

Do you plan to go to England first?

I think so. I'm afraid the continent would be awfully crowded in July.

Yes, I'm afraid so. Oh, incidentally, when you do get to Rome, don't forget to

look up Martin and Arlene.

He's doing another one of those Venetian -type movies.

Is Arlene going to be in it?

No, no. It's a documentary. No actors at all.

Just one shot after another of gondolas and peep.

Darling. Hmm?

Darling, that sudden craving.

You don't suppose... You don't suppose... I hadn't thought about it.

But I have been feeling terribly maternal this past week. It's quite

you know.

Yes, but darling, you... I know I didn't discuss it with you, but I came to the

conclusion that we'd given enough affection to the theater.

Oh. I knew it! I knew it!

Now, now, you can't be sure yet. Now, darling, you can't be sure yet. I have

go to the doctor and have the rabbit test. You will not.

Now, you're just going to lie right here and take it easy.

I'll have the doctor bring the rabbit here. Oh, Jeff. Lydia, Lydia, keep your

legs up.

Oh, darling, I don't think you should.

You just lie here and relax, relax.

That's strange.

I thought I heard a child's voice.

That's funny. So did I.

Oh, but the really strange thing is me.

I never thought I'd feel this way.

It's such a wonderful feeling.

Suddenly nothing else matters.

That's just what Slim said would happen. He said that... Oh, that reminds me. I

didn't want to tell you, but Daphne called before and said that while she

answered a telephone, they hauled Slim off to Bellevue.

He'd been telling everybody he was an angel.

And then when she went to the hospital to see him later, the doctor said that

had just suddenly somehow vanished.

Oh, Jeff.

Isn't that the silliest thing?

Jeff.

Remember that day we met him at the racetrack? That sudden gust of wind? Oh,

now, wait a minute, darling.

That could have been caused by any number.

That's it. You're going to feel much better now.

Chuck, come over here and sit down.

Pardon me.

I'm sorry, but aren't you Jeff Bolton?

Yes, that's right.

I'm Roger Blake. I, uh... How do you do it?

Roger Blake.

The angel watches.

That's right. How are you?

I thought I recognized you from the picture on the dust jacket.

Well, I just finished reading it last night. It's a great job. Thank you.

Incidentally, have you thought of dramatizing it? Well, as a matter of

had with your wife and mine. I'd say that was my idea, too. I was going to

your agent today, but, uh...

Well, but you're going to do the Daphne Peters play, aren't you? Well, as soon

as Liddy's ready and able, but we could be doing a lot of work in the meantime

and then follow with yours.

Follow with mine? Yes, why not? Well, how lucky can a guy get?

Selling my first play and having my first baby all the same day. Well, I'm

pacing, too.

Cigarette? Oh, thanks.

Glad to see you.

What are you doing here?

I've been appointed guardian angel for little Jo.

Well, I've been appointed her guardian angel.

Oh. Well, we'll be seeing a lot of each other then.

Jeff and Lydia are going to do a play based on his book.

Of course, if it's successful, I should receive a royalty.

After all, it was my idea.

Where are the children?

They're waiting outside the delivery room.

I hope nothing goes wrong.

They say this is hard on the fathers.

I think it's worse on the kids.

I... I don't suppose we'll remember any of this. I hope we get to see each other

sometimes. Because I...

Well, Charles, they finally made it.

And who knows, Arthur, 20 years from now, we may be walking down a church

together.

With all their nice kids.

My child seems to have a lustier cry than yours.

Oh, I don't know.

It's just that I haven't taken over yet.

We'll see about that right now.