Original subtitles

Oh, hey, Chad.

Oh, hi.

How's it going?

I'm doing good.

The great trip to the mall.

Oh, God.

Chad, what did you do at the mall today?

I... Okay, I was being a pervert for a little bit. Again?

I'm sorry. How many times do I have to tell you?

Give me the phone.

It's summer and it's hot and the girls are wearing little tight skirts and...

I can't help it. I want to know if the carpets match the drapes. Come on.

They're not even wearing any panties. Listen, I understand.

Believe me, I understand. But you cannot put a phone down and take a picture of

a girl's shit.

You are going to get busted.

Okay? I didn't get to date.

There are cameras everywhere.

I don't want to have to come pick you up from jail because you're at the mall

taking pictures of girl's shit.

Do you understand?

All right.

You're going to get caught.

Yeah, you're probably right.

Just watch it walk by.

Well, I didn't get caught today.

Thank God.

Okay? I'm really glad. Thanks, Mom. Yeah.

Hey, Mom. Who is it?

I don't know.

Hey, buddy. Oh, sorry.

How can I help you?

I'm a detective.

I believe I need to speak to your son.

A detective?

What did I tell you, Chad?

I'm sure it's nothing. Is this about his thing at the mall?

No, no, no. I'm sure it's nothing.

We'd rather talk to him about it first, if you don't mind.

Please!

By all means, talk to him about it. Maybe there's someone we can talk to.

this way. Chad, take him. Sure.

Thank you.

My pleasure.

So,

what's going on? You and I are going to have a little discussion.

Okay. What pertaining to?

The activities that you engage in at the mall.

Something to do with a phone.

You do have a phone, right?

Yeah, yeah. I call people and text.

Yeah, well, somebody called me yesterday, my little sister.

And she said some creepy, big -eyed motherfucker was taking pictures up her

skirt with his phone.

You look a lot like that guy. So take your phone out.

Um,

I have a phone. Yeah, no, show me the pictures on your phone.

Oh, you think I'm fucking playing with you, don't you?

I'm telling you right now to show me the fucking pictures on your phone.

Which one is she?

Are you fucking kidding me right now? I'm sorry, I don't know which one she

You're some kind of perverted motherfucker, aren't you?

I like looking at girls' skirts. I'm sorry.

Yeah, well, you know what?

You're not going to jail.

I got something else for you. What? Don't worry about your damn phone.

not going to need that.

No, I mean, I'll do anything.

See, you're right. You will do something.

What? You're going to learn a lesson today.

Your mom's really pretty.

No. She has a skirt on, too.

What the fuck?

Yeah, I'm going to go have a conversation with her, and we're going

flies up her skirt. How about that?

You're going to sit right here.

That couch looks pretty comfy right there.

Don't go running away, okay?

I'll send you all the pictures.

Don't you fuck my mom. I will... Oh, my fuck...

Fuck! Hey.

Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah.

So how much trouble is he in?

Well, a decent amount of trouble. I knew it.

I told him. I've been telling him forever.

So you knew about this? I knew about it. And I've been telling him to stop. But

I told him there were cameras and he was going to get caught.

He's just... Yeah, well, he thought he was pretty slick. He didn't even know

which girl I was talking about.

I had to scroll through quite a few.

That's embarrassing.

Well, I'm sure it is. I mean, you seem like you're very well put together.

Yeah, he's just, you know, kind of like a dad.

I understand.

I understand. He looked like a fuck -up.

Yeah, he tried. He acted like a fuck -up. Yeah. Yeah, I understand.

So, what happened now?

Well, um... You talked to him? I did talk to him. We kind of...

I came to a meeting of the minds. I wasn't too excited about what I had to

but I came up with a couple of solutions that I thought would be amicable for

both he and I. Yeah?

Kind of like, you know, get ahead on the right path.

Okay.

Am I privy to any of these?

Yeah, sure.

You know, I just... I mean, he's not going to jail or anything.

He doesn't have to.

I mean, you know, it could be a possibility, but he doesn't have to.

So I figured that, you know, I would just let him know how it feels to

have a couple pictures.

We've got to teach him a lesson, you know what I mean? Are you serious?

Yeah, I mean, you know, unless, you know, I can just take him to jail. But

mean, if you just want to take pictures of my skirt and, you know, call it even.

Call it something. Like Stephen, like.

Yeah. So you have some, he's got some, that kind of thing. Leverage. Yeah.

How's that?

That's pretty good.

Maybe we should hold those panties to the side or down or something.

Really? Yeah, you know, basically teach them a lesson.

Okay.

Yeah, you go ahead and sit up. That's not actually making good, right?

Well, is he not going to do this? Well, he doesn't have to.

Okay, good.

But, you know, like I said, if these are out there, he might think twice.

Yeah.

He should probably just lose those all together.

Lose them? Yeah.

Okay.

Interesting strategy.

Everything, actually.

Thank you.

I'm not sure if it's a good angle or not, but... There's

that.

Yeah, why don't you throw a leg up on the couch there? Oh, a leg up on the

couch. Oh, there you go.

Yeah, that's about it.

Looks like you're kind of enjoying this. Hmm, this is a very interesting

strategy. Who's going to fuck my mom?

I don't think I saw this coming.

There's a couple things you won't see coming.

Oh, God.

At this point, I've got more than enough pictures, but I... Oh, good. No,

I think I'm going to keep going.

Yeah.

Well... You know what I'm saying.

Are we good?

You should probably just go ahead and take that whole thing off.

Take it off?

Not thinking about it is probably the only way to call it anymore.

Oh, God.

Well, it's a little different than grounding him, but...

I'm sure somebody's going to end up being punished.

Oh, Jesus, God.

Wow.

Who is your name again?

At this point, does it really matter?

God, this is curious.

Wow.

I like your tactics.

I'd imagine you've gotten him out of trouble more than a few times.

I know.

Thank you.

Yes, please.

Oh, look at that.

Fucking dirty.

That's nice.

That's really nice right there.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Oh, fuck yeah. Let that shit still over. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Wow.

I got out of hand in a hurry.

What the hell is this?

That's a handcuff key.

I sort of handcuffed him.

To my stripper pole?

That's what it was. Yeah.

You handcuffed my son.

Well, you know, police worked hard on it.

Should I go let him free?

Oh, Mom, great. You got the key.

Put that stuff on your face.

This key.

Came with this.

So that I could get you out of here.

Okay.

No more, Chad.

Do you understand?

Yeah. You got up easy this time. Thanks, Mom.

You did.

You need this too?