Original subtitles

If we don't reverse the tomography in the next 30 seconds,

Barnaby won't stand a chance.

[female ally over comms] I know, Wonder Man. I'm trying.

[laser fires]

[alien grunting]

[♪ heroic music playing]

Change of plans. There's too many.

Get out of there. Head to the sanctum now!

-[female ally] But what about you? -I can't leave Barnaby to die.

-[female ally] But they'll kill you both. -I don't care!

[♪ thrilling music playing]

[Wonder Man grunting]

[gunfire continues]

[aliens grunting]

The Embera people believe if a soul fails to turn right after death,

it winds up in a dark and treacherous place.

Well, I've been to the void.

I've lived in that screaming silence.

[grunting]

I know what it's like.

I lost whatever part was left in me that makes a person a person.

[grunts]

[alien screams]

[Wonder Man] Until Barnaby pulled me out.

No one else ever gave a damn!

It's too late for me.

But you can still walk away.

I'm begging. Please, just walk away.

[scribbling]

[exhales]

[♪ whimsical music playing]

[shuddering]

[vocalizing]

[inhales deeply]

[exhales deeply]

[sighs]

[grunts]

You got this, man.

You already got the job.

You just gotta go out there and crush it.

Just crush it.

-One step closer to the top. -[knocking at door]

[man] Mr. Williams?

They're inviting you to set.

Copy.

-Yep, on our way. -[Simon mumbling]

Yeah, David, go ahead.

Uh, no, I haven't seen it.

Have you asked Isaac in props? Thank you.

The stage isn't far.

Yeah, David, go ahead.

Yeah? Yeah.

[Simon] "She stands in the door for a beat..."

-[man] What? -[Simon] "'How was your trip?'"

[man] Okay, who last had eyes on it?

[actress] Hey, Kiran.

Hey, Ashley.

Hey, isn't that for American Horror Story?

Sorry. Day players don't get golf carts.

-David, where are we with that blood? -[Simon reading lines]

[Kiran] Yeah, I just got to set.

Hey, what's the status on that mask?

Oh, beautiful. Talk soon.

[Ashley] How is it always Mendocino Farms?

[director] Someone in the writers' room must own stock.

[Ashley] Ugh, I hate choosing lunch when I barely had breakfast.

I mean, how am I supposed to know what my stomach will want?

Personally, I would go for the Smoky Chicken Elote Bowl. No crema.

-[Ashley chuckles] -Hi, I'm Lauren.

You must be Professor Harpin.

Yeah. I love the Castle Rock you directed.

-Oh. -Your Sons of Anarchy episodes,

they were the best in the series.

-[Lauren] Thanks. -Ashley. I'm a big fan.

-Yeah, I loved you in the Twilight Series. -Thank you.

-Absolutely. -Okay, so class has just ended

and Professor Harpin's packing up his desk...

-[Simon] Okay. -...at the end of the night.

And then your colleague Sarah enters from here.

You do the first couplet. "How was your trip?"

Yada, yada, yada.

And then, Ashley, you cross to about here. And Professor Harpin says...

"You do realize, according to legend,

"that's where the Aztec god of death, Mictlantecuhtli,

"was tricked into giving up the bones that became humanity."

Yeah, duh.

Great.

And then Sarah transforms into a monster. Pa-pa-pam.

Um, and... [chuckles] bites off Professor Harpin's head, here.

Any questions?

-Yeah. -[Lauren] Mmm.

Should I switch to that Elote Bowl?

-Right now, it's soundin' pretty good. -[Simon chuckles]

Just one thing.

Yeah, of course.

How long have Sarah and I known each other?

Hmm, that's a good question. What... what are you thinking?

I was thinking we go pretty far back.

Like, maybe we were best friends,

but we had a little fallin' out when she got tenure before me.

Sure. Why not?

Right? It might add a little layer to the scene.

-Totally. Let's try it. -Yeah.

-[Simon] Yeah? -Great.

-[Ashley] Yeah. -[Lauren] Yeah.

-[Simon] Okay. -[chuckles]

-So... -[Lauren] Mmm.

So, maybe I shouldn't say "Sarah," right?

-[exhales] What's that? -Well, the script says "Sarah," but...

-[Lauren] Mmm-hmm. -[Simon] ...if I've been secretly

jealous of her career,

I don't think I would be so friendly, you know?

Maybe I should call her "Dr. Johnson" instead, you know?

Yeah. Let's... let's try it both ways.

-Okay, great. -Cool.

Let's shoot one.

-Oh, and... -Hmm?

I wouldn't let her get that far.

-Who? -Dr. Johnson.

Considerin' our history, I don't think I'd let her

-cross all the way to my desk. -Mmm. [clicking tongue]

I think Professor Harpin would stop her right about here.

-Yeah. -Mmm. No, no, no.

That is interesting. Uh... [tuts]

Damn. We're already lit,

so I... I did want your dead body kind of bleeding out

in this moonbeam that we have that--

[gaffer] Uh, we can move the moonbeam.

Uh, it'll only take a few minutes.

If you want it.

Let's move the moon.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

-[chuckles] -[first AD] Moving the moonbeam!

[gaffer] More, more. Right there.

[first AD] Last looks!

Should I be packin' up a copy of Aztec Thought and Culture

by Miguel León-Portilla?

Is there a problem, Simon?

No. No problem. I was just...

Just wondering if I should be packin' up a copy of Aztec Thought and Culture

by Miguel León-Portilla?

And what is that?

I'm assuming that's what I'm teachin',

unless you're thinkin' Aztec Civilization by Henry Freeman?

But... that kind of changes things.

[Lauren] Does it?

Aztec Civilization is a quick read. It barely touches on Mictlantecuhtli.

It might fit into an ancient civilization syllabus. But...

[chuckles]

Professor Harpin is focused solely on Aztec studies. Right?

[Lauren] Hmm.

Um...

-No. There's no reference to a book. -Oh, but it says...

It says, "packin up his desk..."

-Right. -"...for the night."

[Lauren] Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

[whispers] I think it's implied.

[in normal voice] Should we check with the writer, just to be safe?

[Lauren inhales deeply]

Who is this bozo?

He had a great audition.

[Linda] Yeah, but at this rate, we're never gonna make our day.

-[Lauren] Mmm. -Can you get Ryan on the phone?

Yes, ma'am.

[Simon] And the interestin' thing is, it's all here,

in your words, if you really look at it.

-You think so? -I do.

-Hmm. -Professor Harpin's history

with Professor Johnson

is what makes his death at her hands all the more tragic.

Honestly, I never thought of it that way. [chuckles]

-But it's here in the subtext. -Yeah, I see that.

[Simon] You found something really interesting.

Simon. Hi. Linda Cox.

-[Simon] Hey. Hey. -Hi. Really nice to meet you.

-I'm a big fan. -Oh, thank you.

Love all the thoughts that you're bringing...

-Absolutely. -...to this role.

-Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. -Yeah. Thank you.

The showrunner just called, and he is, uh, rethinking this episode.

And he's worried about Professor Harpin's scenes

being a remnant of an earlier version of Ashley's arc.

A remnant?

So, he's cutting your character from the show.

Thank you so much for all your hard work today.

That's a series wrap on Simon Williams!

[crew members cheering]

[applause continues]

[♪ country song playing, Buck Owens "Act Naturally"]

♪ They're gonna put me in the movies ♪

♪ They're gonna make a big star out of me ♪

♪ We'll make a film About a man that's sad and lonely ♪

♪ And all I gotta do is act naturally ♪

♪ Well, I'll bet you I'ma gonna be a big star ♪

♪ Might win an Oscar You can't never tell ♪

♪ The movie's gonna make me a big star ♪

♪ 'Cause I can play the part so well ♪

♪ Well, I hope you come To see me in the movie ♪

Shit.

♪ Then I know that you will plainly see ♪

♪ The biggest fool That's ever hit the big time ♪

♪ And all I gotta do is act naturally ♪

♪ We'll make a scene About a man that's sad and lonely ♪

♪ And begging down upon his bended knee ♪

♪ I'll play the part But I won't need rehearsin' ♪

♪ All I'll have to do is act naturally ♪

What the hell?

You movin' out?

[woman sighs]

I thought you wrapped at 5:00.

So, you're sneakin' out?

I'm just trying to prevent this from becoming a thing.

Weren't you showing me pictures of rescue dogs last week

-and complainin' I wouldn't commit? -[woman] Yeah. I'm sorry.

I'm just not happy, Simon.

[Simon] I know. I...

I just think you need to book something.

Things will turn around. Come on. Vivian, we're good together.

You never let me in, Simon.

Not really.

It's a little late to start caring about this relationship.

[door shuts]

[rumbling]

[objects rattling]

[rumbling continues]

[moviegoer 1] Well, that's because Gerry wasn't there and I was.

I remember. Yeah.

[laughing] It was a python. A giant, bloody python.

I don't know if it was Burmese or not, love.

I can't speak to that. It was in the pool.

-[moviegoer 2 scoffs] -[moviegoer 1] That's what bloody matters.

-Maybe it had been somebody's pet. -Shh!

[moviegoer 1] It wasn't lookin' for cuddles.

Oh, sorry, love. I can't today.

Audition's this afternoon.

Damn right, it's big.

Biggest bloody movie of the year is all.

Hey, man, do you mind?

[moviegoer 1] Give my love to Uma.

Smooches.

I'd never talk during the actual film. Don't fret.

Hey, I'm sorry, um, aren't you, uh...

Oh, yes.

I played the Mandarin,

but that was over bloody 10 years ago and I was just a puppet.

And whatever theories you've seen on Reddit are totally false.

I had nothing to do with Pizzagate. I'm not a member of the Illuminati.

And I did not have my hands replaced with baby hands.

First of all, I always dug your performance as the Mandarin.

But I remember you from that Omnibus episode you did in the '70s.

You played Edgar Allan Poe. "The Need for Nightmare."

Well, well, well...

Not too many people remember that old gem, including me.

How was I?

Stole the episode.

And I should know, I'm also an actor.

-You don't say. -Yeah.

-You know-- -Do you mind? Movie's about to start.

I'll take the 10, but when I take you over to see Mr. O'Daniel,

I'm gonna have to have another 10 just to cover expenses, all right?

[Joe Buck] Uh...

Come on. I'll buy youse coffee, on me.

[♪ Pat Williams, Phil Ramone, Floyd Huddleston "Orange Juice on Ice"]

[Joe Buck] Yeah, that's what I'll do.

Okay, Rico?

Rico?

[♪ sentimental instrumental music playing]

[Simon] It's heartbreaking.

Never tire of rewatching that one.

It's authentic.

Moving.

[cell phone buzzing]

Really captures being an outsider on the fringe.

And it's a little trippy, which is always nice.

[Simon chuckles]

You know, Schlesinger didn't even think Hoffman was right for Ratso,

even though he'd just come off The Graduate.

Apparently, Hoffman convinced him by showing up dressed in rags

to their first meeting on the street corner.

He was begging for change, and Schlesinger didn't even recognize him.

I was fortunate enough to attend Schlesinger's production

of Timon of Athens with the Royal Shakespeare Company.

Sublime. Pity I was blind drunk.

So, uh... what's this...

"big audition" you were talkin' about?

Look, man, I'm not a weirdo, and I'm not desperate.

I'm just curious.

I would love to know what you're up to.

Well, uh, between you and me, it's a huge opportunity.

I'm auditioning for Wonder Man.

Anyway, nice meeting you.

Wait.

Someone's actually remaking Wonder Man?

Not someone. Von Kovak.

[♪ blues music playing, Sir Douglas Quintet "She's About a Mover"]

[Simon] Hey.

Oh, nah, I'm good. I'm good.

♪ Well, she was walking down the street ♪

♪ Looking fine as she could be ♪

♪ Hey, hey... ♪

[talent agent] Are we sure he's not hiding in here?

[laughter]

-[song stops] -Janelle!

Did you hear about Wonder Man?

You didn't tell me Von Kovak was directin'.

[interviewer] A superhero remake.

Not exactly what we'd expect from an Oscar-winning director.

Mmm. Ah. [chuckles]

Finding inspiration in another movie is not a crime.

Look at what Cronenberg did with The Fly, silly B-picture.

He made it personal,

grounded it in modern science,

and discovered new, unthinkable horrors.

Why not Wonder Man?

-Human and spectacular. -[mouthing]

[Von Kovak] That's where this film needs to live.

Superheroes are part of our lives now.

So, what will we find when we look at Wonder Man today?

What can he teach us about ourselves?

-[Janelle] Sounds good. -I need to be in this movie.

[laughs] Simon, you crazy.

I was born to play this character.

Oh...

Are you serious?

Boo, they are already talking to Leo.

No, no, Deadline said they're lookin' for a new face.

I have a new face.

Mmm-mmm. It's too late. Today was the last day of auditions.

Well, couldn't you work a little bit of your magic?

No one can say no to you.

-Not when you put on that charm. -I know you're not doing this right now,

Mister "I got fired from American Horror Story this morning."

Yeah, they told me you couldn't even lay in blood, Simon.

How hard is that? You just... You just sit there. You just lay.

Then you storm into this meeting with my colleagues,

acting like you own the place, and now you tryna work me?

You know what? You got some nerve.

I just need you to believe in me, Janelle.

You know I believe in you.

I... I think you're one of the most talented people that I know,

but there's a lotta talented people out here

who are not pains in the ass, do you feel me?

All right. We can talk about American Horror Story first thing tomorrow mornin'.

Nandi will validate you.

Hi, baby, I have a early dinner,

-so I'll be gone, okay? -Mmm-hmm.

[♪ intriguing music playing]

[typing]

[Simon impersonating Imani] Hey, girl, this is Imani from Hanover Agency.

Uh, I got Janelle Jackson for Ruth.

[casting assistant over phone] She's in session,

but I can have her return.

Oh, she's in on Wonder Man, huh?

[casting assistant] Yeah, till 6:00 tonight.

Oh, no, that is not good. Nandi is gonna be in so much trouble.

[casting assistant] Why? What's wrong?

Well, Nandi is out sick.

You know, she got that stomach bug that's goin' around.

You better make sure you wash your hands, girl.

[casting assistant] You know I do.

Anyway, I'm covering for her, and she just texted me

'cause she forgot to get Simon Williams in on Wonder Man for Janelle.

And now, see, the session's already started,

and today's the last day.

So, when Janelle finds out, she is gonna go ballistic.

[casting assistant] Can he still make it in? I can put him on the list.

Oh, my God, girl, you are an angel. I'mma call him right now, okay? Thank you!

[car honking]

[grunts]

Hey. Simon Williams. Sorry, I'm late.

I'm assuming you're a Wonder Man and not a Barnaby?

Correct.

[man] Just need you to sign this NDA.

Also, I don't have a Doorman waiver on file for you,

so I'm gonna need you to sign this.

Assuming, of course, you don't have superpowers.

[scribbling]

Okay, you're all set.

You mind if I keep the pen?

Um...

Guess so.

[actor 1] "Where you heading out, boy?"

[actor 2] "Until Barnaby pulled me out..."

[actors murmuring]

[actor 3] "Until Barnaby pulled me out,

no one else to turn..."

[actor 4] "Right after death..."

[actor 5] I know what...

"And treacherous place. Dark and treacherous place."

"Dark and treacherous place." [inhales sharply]

"Dark and treacherous place."

"Embera people have a story... Embera people have a story..."

"Embera people have a story..."

"Damn Urr fragment...

"Damn Urr fragment..."

"Gave a damn. No one else..."

[breathing heavily]

[breathing deeply]

[Trevor] Ask Damian how things went.

Oh, that's right, you can't. 'Cause he's dead!

[laughter]

The guy's killing it in there, bro.

Oh, and please tell Mr. Von Kovak that if he'd prefer a Cockney accent,

[in Cockney accent] I can throw one in at no extra charge, all right?

[laughter]

Where have I seen him before?

Pretty sure he used to be a terrorist.

[actors reading lines]

Come with me.

[actor 6] "Until Barnaby pulled me out, no one else ever..."

You're a bloody mess. You can't go in like this.

You tryna get in my head?

I'm tryna help you, love.

You know, some of us actually believe in supporting each other.

Take it from someone who's eaten shit on stage

more times than he can count. Not literally, mind you.

You can still turn this around. It's not too late.

I know, [chuckles] it's a lot to memorize--

No, my memory isn't the problem.

So, what's wrong?

I can't get a hold of the character.

I've seen the original too many times.

And I'm trying to come up with a backstory for his relationship with Barnaby,

but it's not makin' sense.

Well, trust the words. Just show up and say them. Be present.

[sighs]

Nah, that's not my process.

Well, your process can go blow a spider.

Do you mind if I see this?

Oh.

Oh, this is your problem. You see, these notes are garbage. Sorry.

No, it's how I learned it. It's how I make my choices.

Well, your choices are getting in the way.

No one gives a fart about "the subtext of the tales of the Embera people."

We've...

We've got to get you out of your head.

And how do we do that?

When you're in there, blow every last bit of air

out of your lungs, hard and fast.

With no air in your lungs, your body will go into shock,

shut down your frontal lobes, so no more logic getting in the way.

Then your amygdala kicks in, and you'll be left with instinct!

[casting assistant] Simon Williams?

Here!

Don't think.

Don't think. Okay.

You can slate whenever you're ready.

Simon Williams, reading for Wonder Man.

[inhales]

Everything okay?

[inhales deeply]

[exhales deeply]

The Embera people believe if a soul fails to turn right after death,

it ends up in a dark and treacherous place.

Well...

I've been to the void.

I lived in that screamin' silence.

I know what it's like.

I lost whatever part was left in me that makes

a person a person.

Until Barnaby pulled me out.

No one else ever gave a damn. No one.

It's too late for me...

but you can still walk away.

I'm asking you nicely. Just walk away.

[Trevor] It's a wonderful thing, not thinking too much.

Served me well most of my life.

Nah, I'm not sure I'd do it again.

Why not?

John Gielgud used to have me whip him

with a belt across his bare ass every night before curtain up,

and that was before we were friends.

Then things got weird.

Hayashi neat, and a Virgin Mary with extra horseradish.

Thirteen years sober.

-[bartender] Congrats. -Thank you.

But... [clears throat] an actor needs to think.

To do the work,

you have to fill in a backstory and the character's psychology.

If you don't understand it, how can you perform it?

"When we are born, we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools."

King Lear.

-Well spotted. [chuckles softly] -Yeah.

I had a run of it in Croydon back in the '80s.

I really struggled with the role at first.

Then I remembered that great speech from Hamlet.

"The purpose of playing...

"is to hold as 'twere the mirror...

"up to nature."

Never forget that. Nature, that's our job.

To understand the world around us and ourselves within it.

The real work isn't digging for subtext or parsing a writer's intent.

The real work is living.

-I should probably get goin'. -'Course. [chuckles]

You're a young man with friends to see and important things to do.

This one's on me.

I think I'm gonna do the wedge salad.

-Hey, let's keep in touch. -Of course.

Oh, Simon.

I've a good feeling about today.

Something fateful in the air.

[Simon chuckles softly]

[cell phone buzzing]

Hey, folks, I'm really sorry. Your entrée will be up in a couple of minutes.

[sighs deeply]

This is Trevor Slattery.

[man over phone] How were drinks?

$15 for a Virgin Mary? It's bloody criminal.

[man] Trevor...

Third contact was established.

[man] We don't call it third contact. He was at the matinée?

Yes.

[man] And then you ran into each other at the audition?

And then we had drinks. Third contact.

[man] Trevor, you need to take this seriously.

Simon Williams is superpowered.

He's unstable and incredibly dangerous.

This country isn't safe until he's in my custody.

You sure he's buying the act?

[Trevor] Don't fret. I've got him right where I want him.

[cell phone chimes]

[♪ ska-jazz music playing]

[♪ music continues]

[♪ whimsical music playing]

[♪ music ends]

[♪ soft instrumental music playing]

[♪ music ends]