Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,468 --> 00:00:02,936
* Men. *
2
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:04,538
Can I ask you
a personal question?
3
00:00:04,605 --> 00:00:07,675
No, Jake, I've never
measured my penis.
4
00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:09,477
No, it's not about that.
5
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:11,112
I heard my dad say you're
worth like a billion dollars.
6
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:13,214
You know, I'm not
really comfortable
7
00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:15,083
talking about my
financial situation.
8
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:17,151
Oh, okay.
9
00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:19,220
Let's just say I'd have
more money than God,
10
00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:22,690
if God only had $900 million.
11
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:25,226
Wow. You don't have
any kids, do you?
12
00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:29,097
Nope.
Here, let me
push the cart.
13
00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:31,299
Thanks.
So if you have
so much money,
14
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,800
why do you do your
own grocery shopping?
15
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,368
I mean, you could
just write a list
16
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,070
and hire someone
to do it for you.
17
00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:37,338
You know, like a
17-year-old go-getter
18
00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:38,506
with a valid driver's license
19
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:40,208
and no chance at
getting into college?
20
00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:44,345
Well, I could, but you know,
since I've been single
21
00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:46,647
I find I really like
shopping for myself.
22
00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:48,382
You're kidding. Why?
23
00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:50,784
Well, take this, for example.
24
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:53,487
"Baco-berries." How could
I put this on a list?
25
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,689
I didn't even
know it existed.
26
00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:57,258
I don't even know
what it is.
27
00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:58,792
What is it, anyway?
28
00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:03,397
"Delicious dried cranberries
infused with real bacon flavor."
29
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:05,466
Ugh, that's disgusting.
30
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:13,274
So... do you have a bunch of
houses and yachts and stuff?
31
00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:15,643
Two houses, no yachts.
32
00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:17,445
You should totally get a yacht,
33
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,347
and then hire someone
to drive it for you.
34
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,081
You know, like
a 17-year-old go-getter
35
00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:22,750
with a valid yacht
driver's license.
36
00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:24,752
Ah, yachts are pretentious.
37
00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:27,355
I don't believe in ostentatious
displays of wealth.
38
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:28,722
Besides, if I need
to get anywhere,
39
00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:30,824
I'll just take my private jet.
40
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:32,660
You have a jet?
41
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:34,228
Yeah, and I already got
a go-getter pilot.
42
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:35,496
With a college degree.
43
00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:39,667
Excuse me, do you know
the difference
44
00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:41,802
between "organic beef"
and "grass-fed beef"?
45
00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:45,606
Yeah, "organic" is, uh, no
antibiotics or growth hormones,
46
00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:47,508
but it can still be
force-fed grain, which produces
47
00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:49,410
a less nutritious product
than cows that are allowed
48
00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:50,778
to naturally graze on grass.
49
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,513
Speaking of which,
you're very pretty,
50
00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:54,448
and your accent makes me
feel tingly inside.
51
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:57,185
Speaking of which...?
52
00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:58,786
Cows, meat, cuts of steak,
53
00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,854
London Broil, England,
your accent,
54
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:02,122
(Cockney accent):
'ello!
55
00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:05,326
Hello. I'm Zoey.
Walden.
56
00:02:05,393 --> 00:02:07,361
Nice to meet you, Walden.
57
00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:09,797
Your accent's rather
charming, as well.
58
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:10,731
Thanks.
59
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,702
Good luck with your meat.
60
00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:17,271
Thanks.
61
00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:21,575
And they call me Forrest Gump.
62
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,344
What?
63
00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:25,346
She was totally hitting on you.
64
00:02:25,413 --> 00:02:26,580
Really?
65
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:27,815
You should ask her out.
66
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:30,284
Okay.
67
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,486
Hey, Zoey, you want to
go on a date with me?
68
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,555
ZOEY:
Sure!
69
00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:35,723
See, there's something else
70
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:37,391
I wouldn't know to
put on the list.
71
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,438
* Men. *
72
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,306
Okay...
73
00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:56,977
I can pay the Mastercard
with the Visa,
74
00:02:57,044 --> 00:03:01,949
and the Visa
with the Discover card,
75
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:07,288
and the Discover with
the American Express...
76
00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:11,359
Now what can I use to complete
my little Ponzi scheme?
77
00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:15,696
Chevron? No.
78
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:18,966
Blockbuster? They're in
worse shape than I am.
79
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,834
Starbucks gift card.
80
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,836
Ooh, hello latte!
81
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,738
Hey.
Hey.
82
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,707
Oh, I know that game--
83
00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:29,343
"Seven Card Screwed."
84
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,879
If I could just get
a little ahead, I'd be fine.
85
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:34,348
And if I could just
lose a little weight,
86
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:35,716
I'd be a swimsuit model.
87
00:03:35,783 --> 00:03:38,852
Go ahead, say something,
I dare you.
88
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:41,855
Oh, no, no.
It's an apt comparison.
89
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:43,791
They both involve
losing your ass.
90
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:49,363
Well, I hate to do it,
91
00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:51,699
but I-I could ask Walden
for a short-term loan.
92
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:54,635
For God's sakes, Zippy,
the man is already
93
00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:57,004
letting you and your kid
live here rent-free.
94
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,772
Don't you have
any pride at all?
95
00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:03,777
Let me say that another way.
96
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:06,380
Why do you think he's
letting you stay here?
97
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:07,948
Because he likes me.
98
00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:10,318
Because he likes having at
least one person in his life
99
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,753
that doesn't want
anything from him.
100
00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:15,055
Somebody he thinks
cares about him as a person.
101
00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:16,790
That's a good point.
102
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:18,626
What you don't
want him to find out
103
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:20,661
is that you're just one of
those nasty little birds
104
00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:23,864
that picks the food
out of a hippo's teeth.
105
00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:27,735
No, we don't want that.
106
00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:31,439
So, listen, uh...
107
00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:32,940
I suppose, over the years,
108
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:35,075
you've salted away
a pretty good nest egg.
109
00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:37,645
You're not going to
ask me for money.
110
00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:39,480
No, no! Just making
conversation.
111
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:42,850
Thanks for bringing in
my groceries, man.
112
00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:43,951
I live to serve.
113
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:46,420
Boy, I gotta
tell you, Alan,
114
00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:48,789
your son made one heck of
a wingman today.
115
00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:50,424
You make it easy, boss.
116
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:54,995
Baby bird doesn't fly far
from the teeth.
117
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,065
So you, uh, you met somebody?
118
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,833
Indeed I did.
119
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,635
Beautiful woman. British.
120
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:04,572
Actually drove her shopping cart
on the wrong side of the aisle.
121
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,707
That's a lot of credit cards.
122
00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:07,841
Uh, yeah.
123
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,710
I've only got this
one black one.
124
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:11,445
I actually bought
my plane with it.
125
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,113
Oh, oh, oh!
Which reminds me.
126
00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:15,048
Hey Jake, you want
a quarter of a million
127
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:17,451
frequent flyer miles? I can't
use 'em, I got a plane.
128
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,420
I want a quarter of
a million anything.
129
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,989
All yours, my man.
130
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:25,459
Hmm, where could I go that's a
quarter of a million miles away?
131
00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:26,927
How about the moon?
132
00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:28,696
That's ridiculous, Dad.
133
00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:30,097
I know, I was kidding.
134
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,099
No one's ever been to the moon.
135
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,804
* Men. *
136
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,473
Here you go.
137
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,875
State of the art.
138
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,977
And semi-portable.
139
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:45,879
Gateway computer.
140
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,748
I haven't seen one
of these in a while.
141
00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:50,484
Still works great. And it
is loaded with software.
142
00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:56,490
Quicken 95, Lotus 1-2-3...
um... WordPerfect, Tetris.
143
00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:58,158
I don't know, pal.
144
00:05:58,225 --> 00:05:59,760
I don't think I can move this.
145
00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:01,595
Oh, come on, help me out,
I'm desperate.
146
00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:04,798
As opposed to most of
the people who come in here.
147
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:08,035
In my storeroom, I've got
a couple of wheelchairs,
148
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:10,170
a fishbowl full of glass eyes,
149
00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:11,905
and a "boy in the bubble" bag.
150
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:15,643
To be clear, they took
the boy out of the bubble
151
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,511
and sold me the bag.
152
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,447
Um...
153
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:22,650
Uh, what would you give me for
a pair of diamond cufflinks?
154
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:25,519
Oh...
155
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,755
Where'd you get these?
156
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:30,190
My mother gave them to me
when I graduated college.
157
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:32,526
Is she your real mother?
Yeah. Why?
158
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,828
'Cause these aren't
real diamonds.
159
00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:37,097
What?!
160
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:39,900
I'm sure she was a good
mother in other ways.
161
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:42,470
No, this is the nicest thing
she ever did for me.
162
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,071
I'm very sorry.
163
00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:47,641
All right. All right. I didn't
want to have to sell this,
164
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:50,177
but, uh, I suppose
I'm out of options.
165
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,945
Ooh.
166
00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:55,483
Oh, nice.
167
00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:57,217
Steuben crystal, huh?
168
00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:58,519
It is.
169
00:06:58,586 --> 00:07:01,822
Your mother didn't
give you this.
170
00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:03,924
No. It was a wedding gift
from my wife's parents.
171
00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:06,226
I managed to sneak it out of
the house after the divorce.
172
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:08,629
Uh-huh. Well, gimme a sec.
173
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:13,233
I'll give you $1,200.
174
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,235
Yes!
175
00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:17,505
No!
176
00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:25,245
I'll give you $2.00
to clean it up.
177
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:29,249
Where's your broom?
178
00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:31,519
* Men. *
179
00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,588
Jake, I'm ready to go!
180
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:37,124
JAKE:
Coming!
181
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,026
Here you go, sir.
The car is charged, washed,
182
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,928
and I put an air freshener
under your seat
183
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:43,063
just in case you
let one slip out.
184
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,232
Good job.
185
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,535
Hundred bucks! Thanks, boss.
186
00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:52,973
You gave him $100?
187
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,242
Oh, hey, Alan.
Yeah, he washed my car.
188
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,611
A hundred bucks
to wash a car?
189
00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,146
Not enough?
190
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:02,149
For $100,
I'd lick your car clean.
191
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,017
Maybe next time.
192
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:07,555
Hey, I'm going on
a date with that girl
193
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:09,156
I met in at supermarket.
Do I look okay?
194
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:10,758
No, I look okay.
195
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,225
You look like the guy
women fantasize about
196
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:14,027
when I'm on top of them.
197
00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:19,700
Listen, I-I know you're still
pretty new to the dating world,
198
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:21,234
but can I give you
a little advice?
199
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,736
Is this about condoms?
200
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:24,037
'Cause Jake already
gave me his lucky one.
201
00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:28,108
No. Uh...
202
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,744
If you hope to have any
kind of shot with this woman,
203
00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:32,646
you, uh, might want to
lose the wedding ring.
204
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:34,247
Really?
205
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:35,248
Oh yeah.
206
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:37,150
When it comes to dating,
207
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:39,152
wedding rings are
like kryptonite.
208
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:43,724
If, you know,
Superman was a... vagina.
209
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,295
You know, I haven't
taken this off in years.
210
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:51,999
When Bridget and I first got
together, we were pretty broke,
211
00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:54,602
so we just exchanged
these cheap bands,
212
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:57,037
but then, after I made my first
million, I got matching ones
213
00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:59,740
made out of rhodium
and platinum.
214
00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:03,176
In retrospect, I should've had
them made out of poop and tears.
215
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:06,179
Wait, uh... what's rhodium?
216
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:07,981
It's the most expensive
metal in the world.
217
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,917
To symbolize how precious
our love was.
218
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:11,985
Well, that's... very romantic.
219
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,755
But again, it's Lex Luthor
for lady parts.
220
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:17,858
Boy...
221
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:19,159
This is gonna be tough.
222
00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:23,263
Wearing it makes me feel...
223
00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:25,699
secure.
224
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:29,002
Be that as it may,
you have a choice to make.
225
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,872
Either the past,
or the future.
226
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:35,008
The memory of Bridget,
or the promise of...
227
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,945
supermarket strange.
228
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:43,784
Here.
Why are you giving it to me?
229
00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:45,018
Because you're right.
230
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,754
I've got to
move on with my life.
231
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,989
And this ring is just an anchor
chaining me to the past.
232
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:50,257
Thanks, Al.
233
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:52,826
Well, you are very welcome.
Enjoy your date!
234
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,828
Will do. See you.
235
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:56,764
(Alan chuckles)
236
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:58,766
My precious!
237
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:00,100
* Men. *
238
00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:08,642
So the young man you were
with at the supermarket
239
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:09,677
is no relation to you?
240
00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:11,578
Oh, no, Jake...
Mm.
241
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:13,613
is Alan's son.
242
00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:15,849
And Alan is...?
243
00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:18,551
Uh, it's complicated.
244
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:21,689
I'm fairly bright, try me.
245
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:24,057
Okay.
246
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:27,060
Um, when I tried to kill
myself in the ocean,
247
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,697
Alan's house was
the closest one with a phone.
248
00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:32,900
I see.
249
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,635
You don't, do you?
Not at all.
250
00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:38,471
Okay, let me back up.
Please do.
251
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:41,775
Okay, when I was in high school,
I met this girl named Bridget.
252
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:44,511
Is it really necessary to
back up quite that far?
253
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:47,547
You're right, I'll skip ahead.
254
00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:50,550
Let's see... I got married
right after high school,
255
00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:51,852
happy, happy, happy.
256
00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:53,821
Made like a billion dollars,
rich, rich, rich.
257
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:55,789
She decided she didn't
want to be married anymore,
258
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:56,857
sad, sad, sad.
259
00:10:56,924 --> 00:10:58,525
In the ocean,
out of the ocean,
260
00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:01,661
bought Alan's house, got rid
of the furniture, kept Alan,
261
00:11:01,729 --> 00:11:05,065
got hungry, went to the
supermarket, met you. The end.
262
00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:08,201
Wow.
263
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,937
Enough about me.
Let's talk about you.
264
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,272
No, no, I have a few
follow-up questions.
265
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:13,540
The furniture?
266
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:14,942
The suicide.
267
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:18,078
Oh, it was just a cry
for attention.
268
00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:19,947
I wanted Bridget
to feel sorry for me.
269
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,282
Well, that's rather pathetic.
270
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,551
In hindsight, yeah.
271
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:26,887
And the billion dollars?
272
00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:29,656
I sold a couple companies
to Microsoft.
273
00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:30,791
Big mistake.
274
00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:32,092
Oh, you regret it?
275
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:34,261
No, they do.
276
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,065
How long's it been
since your wife left?
277
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:42,035
Four months, three weeks,
four days, six hours and change.
278
00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:45,705
Let's just call it six hours.
279
00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:48,275
You're still in love
with her, aren't you?
280
00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:52,645
You really are bright.
281
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,582
I thought it was
just your accent.
282
00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:56,984
It kind of raises
the question,
283
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,952
"Why on Earth did
you ask me out?"
284
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:00,253
Jake told me to.
285
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,555
Alan's son.
286
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:06,860
Yeah, and also wanted to because
I'm moving on with my life.
287
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,128
See? Look, no wedding ring.
288
00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:10,230
Mmm, I noticed the
bright white tan line.
289
00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:12,732
Yeah, it's almost like
I still got it on.
290
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,267
It is.
291
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,269
No worries. I gave it to Alan.
292
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:19,206
The man you kept
instead of furniture.
293
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,674
Well, it wasn't an either/or.
294
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:24,711
What about you?
What's your deal?
295
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:26,980
My deal.
296
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:28,681
All right, I'm a lawyer.
297
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,150
Ugh! Ech!
298
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:33,620
What else?
299
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:36,156
Well, I'm divorced and I have
300
00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:38,225
a five-year-old daughter, Ava.
301
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:39,759
I always wanted to have kids,
302
00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,895
but Bridget insisted
that we already had one.
303
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:43,263
I don't follow.
304
00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:44,731
Me.
305
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:46,967
Oh, sure, I can see that.
(chuckles)
306
00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:51,704
What do you think?
307
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,874
Are we gonna fall in love
and stuff?
308
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:57,177
What?
309
00:12:57,244 --> 00:12:59,813
'Cause that would really teach
Bridget a lesson.
310
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:04,751
Hi, again.
311
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:07,787
Oy gevalt.
312
00:13:07,855 --> 00:13:10,323
I, uh, brought something
else for you.
313
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:13,994
My sphincter's tight
with anticipation.
314
00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:16,729
Platinum and rhodium.
315
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:18,966
Whoa.
316
00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:23,803
Oh...
317
00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:25,672
very valuable.
318
00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:27,174
Did you steal it?
319
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,909
What?
320
00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:33,346
I'm only asking because it
affects my marketing strategy.
321
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:35,182
No, it was a gift.
322
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,316
A gift.
323
00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:37,250
Mmm-hmm.
324
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:40,187
Heh. Good enough for me.
325
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:42,755
What are you
looking to get for it?
326
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,157
Let's not play this game.
327
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,359
Just... just tell me
what it's worth to you.
328
00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:55,368
What is this,
your phone number?
329
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:56,904
That's my offer.
330
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,172
(gasping)
331
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,376
Hang on a sec.
332
00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:10,250
You know that's helium?
333
00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:11,418
Hmm?
334
00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:14,221
A down-on-his-luck
birthday clown.
335
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:17,891
(high voice):
Son of a bitch!
336
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:20,260
* Men. *
337
00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:21,794
This was a lovely
evening, Walden.
338
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:22,729
Thank you.
339
00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:23,730
You're welcome.
340
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:26,299
Hmm. Well, better
341
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,268
get in, let Ava's
babysitter go home.
342
00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:29,903
Oh, is she still up?
Can I meet her?
343
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:32,139
I'm sure she's still up,
but no.
344
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,841
Oh, I get it.
345
00:14:34,908 --> 00:14:37,244
You want to know make
sure a guy's gonna be
346
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:39,279
around a while before
you introduce him-- me.
347
00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:41,748
Exactly.
348
00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:43,416
So, maybe after the third
or fourth date?
349
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:44,851
I don't think so.
350
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:46,186
Well, the fifth or sixth?
351
00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:47,720
No.
352
00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:49,222
Seventh or eighth?
353
00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:54,027
I'm starting
to get a bad feeling.
354
00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:57,297
Oh, I'm sorry.
355
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:59,266
You seem
like a really sweet guy,
356
00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:02,169
but I think you're still kind
of married to your Bridget.
357
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,071
No, no, I'm not.
358
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,073
I haven't been wearing
my ring for, like,
359
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:07,975
like, almost three hours now.
360
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:12,145
It may be off your finger,
but it's still in your head.
361
00:15:12,212 --> 00:15:16,049
Face it, you're not
ready to be dating yet.
362
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,218
Thanks again for dinner.
363
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:25,025
(quietly):
Still married.
364
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:27,127
That is so untrue.
365
00:15:29,496 --> 00:15:32,432
Bridget, you're not gonna
believe what just happened.
366
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,268
* Men. *
367
00:15:40,007 --> 00:15:41,174
Walden?
368
00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:53,853
Walden?!
369
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,555
Down here!
370
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,065
Hey.
371
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,899
Hey.
372
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:07,834
How's your date?
373
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:09,436
Not so good.
374
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:12,972
Oh. So much for Jake's
lucky condom, huh?
375
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,308
Yeah, we never got
to condoms.
376
00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:19,846
She thinks I'm still too
hung up on Bridget.
377
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:21,414
No kidding.
378
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,883
And the worst part is
Bridget agrees with her.
379
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:29,922
Well, I might as well put
my ring back on.
380
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:35,995
You, uh, you, uh, want-want
your ring back?
381
00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:37,197
Yeah.
382
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,301
Here.
383
00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:43,470
Thanks.
384
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:48,075
I had a feeling sooner
or later you'd want it.
385
00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:53,980
No. You know what?
I was right the first time.
386
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:55,382
I don't need this anymore.
387
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:57,417
Are you sure?
388
00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:58,418
I'm positive.
389
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:04,291
(sighs)
390
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,426
I feel better already.
391
00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:08,861
(weakly):
Oh, good.
392
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:12,165
All right, I'm gonna
go inside.
393
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:14,567
Okay, I'm just, I'm just
gonna hang here for a while.
394
00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:16,035
Okay. Good night.
395
00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:17,637
Yeah. Night.
396
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:24,377
My precious! My precious!
My precious!
397
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:29,982
My precious! My precious!
398
00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:34,254
My precious!
399
00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:47,200
You saw that?
400
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:48,668
Yeah.
401
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:51,904
Probably wondering what it was
all about.
402
00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:53,873
Kinda.
403
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:57,510
Well... I often enjoy
404
00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:00,046
a, uh, brisk moonlight swim.
405
00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:01,748
Fully clothed?
406
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:04,517
You leave your clothes on
the beach,
407
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,954
a drifter... steals 'em.
408
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:09,589
Alan...
409
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:12,525
I was trying to get
your ring back.
410
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:13,893
But I don't want it back.
411
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,762
No, not-not for you.
412
00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:16,863
Um, for me.
413
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,533
I was gonna pawn it.
414
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,734
Why?
415
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:24,537
What do you mean, why?
I need money.
416
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,539
I can't possibly produce enough
sperm and blood
417
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,708
to get out of the hole I'm in.
418
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,179
In fact, I went to the pawn shop
419
00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:33,546
while you were on your date.
420
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:34,814
But you didn't pawn it.
421
00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:37,150
I couldn't.
422
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:40,587
Wow, you must have been
freaking out
423
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:42,088
when I threw it
in the ocean, huh?
424
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:45,992
The truth of that stands
dripping before you.
425
00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:47,827
Listen, if you
needed money,
426
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:49,128
why didn't you just ask?
427
00:18:49,196 --> 00:18:51,831
You'd lend me money
if I just asked?
428
00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:53,566
No. I don't believe in
lending money.
429
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:54,801
I just give it away.
430
00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:57,270
(voice cracks):
Give it away?
431
00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:59,772
Yeah, I think it's a bad idea
to lend people money.
432
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,040
They never pay you back,
433
00:19:01,107 --> 00:19:02,642
and then you just end up
resenting them.
434
00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:03,810
So how much do you need?
435
00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:07,580
Uh...
436
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,115
No, no, I can't, I can't
take your money.
437
00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:11,584
What, you're too proud?
438
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,720
Oh, God, no, I-I-I
haven't had any pride
439
00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:16,856
since the gym showers
in seventh grade.
440
00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:19,259
No, no, if I took your money,
441
00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:20,860
that would change
our relationship,
442
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:22,629
and I don't want that.
443
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:25,131
I want you to think of me as
a friend and not a freeloader.
444
00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:28,201
You don't think that ship's
already sailed?
445
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:32,572
Allow me at least
the illusion of self-respect.
446
00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:35,608
Would it help your self-respect
if I started charging you rent?
447
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:38,044
Actually, it would.
448
00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:39,779
Consider it done.
449
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:42,114
Great.
450
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,717
Oh, I'm gonna be late
this month.
451
00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:46,185
No problem.
452
00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:47,987
Probably next month, too.
453
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,289
Thanks for the heads up.
454
00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:52,292
Okay. I guess I better
go dry off.
455
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:55,194
Hey, Alan.
Yeah?
456
00:19:58,698 --> 00:19:59,666
You're a quality guy.
457
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:01,334
Really?
458
00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:04,036
I have a lot of people that
say they're my friend,
459
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:05,872
but you really are one.
460
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:07,974
Well, thanks.
461
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:16,015
Just-just out of curiosity,
if I had asked for, say,
462
00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:18,184
a hundred thousand dollars,
463
00:20:18,251 --> 00:20:21,654
would you have given it to me?
464
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,590
Absolutely.
465
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:28,127
(chuckles)
466
00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:31,698
Where you going?
467
00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:33,733
Back in the ocean.
468
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:38,271
(phone rings)
469
00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:46,178
Hello?
470
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:49,316
Oh, hey, Jake.
471
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:52,885
No, your dad's kind of busy
right now.
472
00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:55,822
What's up?
473
00:20:55,888 --> 00:20:58,325
Oh, you used the
frequent flier miles?
474
00:20:58,391 --> 00:21:00,192
That's great.
Where are you?
475
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,329
I have no idea.
476
00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:04,697
Captioning sponsored by
CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
477
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,699
and TOYOTA.
478
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:09,235
* Men. *
479
00:21:11,738 --> 00:21:34,894
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
33001
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof