Original subtitles

Hmm.

Is life boring?

-Dull? -Uh...

Gray? Banal?

Every day...

so small?

Have you simply seen it all?

Well then, roll up!

Roll up! Brave souls of...

circus loving...

Fresh from our sellout world tour.

The most stomach-churning,

brain-blowing, eyeball-bursting show on Earth!

-♪ Are you ready for monsters? -♪ Monster, monster ♪

-♪ Do you have the guts? ♪ -♪ Do you have the guts? ♪

-♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪ -♪ Monsters ♪

♪ Aren't you scared you'll go nuts? ♪

♪ Think you'll go nuts? ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters that'll drive you insane? ♪

♪ That'll turn your legs to jelly ♪

♪ And then explode your brain? ♪

♪ Your ears will pop, your heart will stop ♪

♪ But still they entertain! ♪

♪ Your eyes will melt down to your bowels ♪

♪ But sing right through the pain! ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

Then, behold!

Dr. Horatio Dislocation!

The Human Knot!

Stupid leg!

Oh... that hurts.

Brace your breeches for Mademoiselle Miranda Cassandra!

She sees your future!

I see!

Heart disease. Stroke.

Kidney failure. Oh, drowning.

Well done!

And now,

Taj and Tej, the titanium twins!

They walk over burning, broken glass!

Oh, cruel, cruel nature!

Come closer if you can stand it!

Just sixpence a stare!

But try not to be sick on my shoes.

-I'm stuck! -My contact lens!

You owe me three months' wages!

I'm a failure.

I'm broke.

A lifelong career in the scaring people business ends here.

Why can't I have a hit?

Not scary enough.

People around here are already frightened

of something much scarier.

Scarier?

What could possibly be scarier?

Castle Grotteskew.

No human has ever set foot there.

For none would return alive.

They say there's monsters in there.

Arabella! Come inside, right now!

Oh, Nan!

Live! Live! Live!

You shall be my greatest creation ever!

It's-- it's not ready.

Just need another moment here.

Initiate the sequence.

I need the tongs.

No, no, the electrodes.

Professor! You'll overload the system.

Uh...

And now engage the animator.

It's rusted!

Rusted?

The animator!

Ooh. It's going to explode!

Ooh! It's going to explode.

It's not fair!

Engage the--

Oh!

Almost Life.

Almost Life.

-We did it! -I did it!

Welcome to Almost Life.

Registered trademark, patents pending.

Ooh!

Gosh, quite high.

Okay, a little bit--

Hmm?

Oh! Look at that.

Oh! Top notch.

Cheese!

My greatest crea-- ooh! No, no, no. Wait.

Oh, I say. Magnificent!

You shall be my greatest creation ever!

Mwah!

Welcome to Almost Life.

Registered trademark, patents pending.

You may be feeling some side effects, including dizziness,

faulty vision, itching, constipation,

restless legs, uncontrollable spasms,

and a tendency to monster rampages.

Avoid swimming, driving, or operating heavy machinery.

Uh?

You may want to close your eye.

Huh?

Oh.

Huh.

Uh...

Oh!

Welcome to Castle Grotteskew.

Oh. Mm...

Uh?

Oh.

Almost Life in Castle Grotteskew.

An introduction.

You are a monster.

You want to be monstrous. It's in your nature.

But monstrousness is dangerous.

Monstrousness makes noise.

Monstrousness attracts attention.

Below the castle is a town.

No monster has ever set foot there,

for none would return alive.

Know what townsfolk hate?

Monsters.

Too much monstrousness,

and the townsfolk will form an angry mob,

storm the castle and burn it to the ground.

Any monstrousness, be it just the smallest howl...

...will mean angry mobs,

castle storming, and burning to the ground.

You are a monster.

You want to be monstrous?

Don't.

Stay hidden.

Stay quiet.

Stay safe.

Feel like any more monster rampages?

No!

Oh! Are you an angry mob?

Are you going to burn me to the ground?

Whoa!

-No. -Oh, phew!

That was close.

This way.

Whoa.

Is this a castle?

Oh! I've never been in a castle.

To be honest, I can't remember having been anywhere.

That's normal when you're working to Almost Life.

I'll show you around.

Oh, yes.

A tour of the castle.

I love tours almost as much as I love castles.

At least I think I do.

♪ We live in a castle ♪

♪ We live in a castle ♪

♪ We, me and you, we both live in a castle ♪

♪ We live in a castle, a very big castle ♪

You're my bestest best friend ever.

I knew that as soon as you said you weren't going to

burn me to the ground, which is really weird,

because I don't even know your name.

-Stitch Head. -And if you don't tell me,

I'm going to have to call you... Stitch Head or something.

-Stitch Head. -Come to think of it,

I don't even know my own name.

-Stitch Head. -No.

It would be very confusing if we're both called Stitch Head.

My name is Stitch Head.

I knew you'd like it.

Pleased to meet you, Stitch Head.

My name is...

Oh.

Gordon, Graham, Garin, Gary,

Gazza, Gonzo, Garfield, Galahad...

Gwyneth?

Golgogot, Gorgonzola...

Master dungeon with en suite latrine.

-This is where you sleep. -Oh.

Help!

We're going to be eaten.

I don't want to be eaten.

I'm only...

23 minutes old.

This is... Creature.

Creature? Oh.

-Creature. -Creature.

These are the monsters.

Oi.

So not an angry mob?

An angry mob?!

No. Not an angry mob.

Right-o.

Bedtime, everyone.

The sun'll be up soon.

Has anyone seen my light?

Story.

"And so, by staying quiet and out of sight,

"the monsters were safe.

"And the angry mob never came

"to burn their castle to the ground.

And that's how they almost lived happily ever after."

Sleep tight.

-Stitch Head? -Yes?

Um...

Where do I come from?

Are there, uh...

mummy monsters and daddy monsters, and do they, uh...

Uh...

You don't believe that, do you?

I guess you're old enough to know.

48 minutes.

Well, what's the first thing you remember?

Oof, so long ago.

A laboratory.

A mad laboratory.

Oh! The maddest mad laboratory I've ever seen.

I think.

And who was in it?

You!

Apart from me.

A mad professor!

The mad professor.

He made you.

He awoke you to Almost Life.

You and all the other monsters here.

All of them?

Even... you?

I...

I was the professor's very first creation.

Wow! The very first!

Hey, I bet the professor totally loves you!

Well, actually, the professor--

He's very busy, with all his patents pending and so on.

I'm not even sure he knows who I am.

But... but that's sad.

I feel sad.

It doesn't feel nice.

Well, good night.

Night. Night.

Sleep tight, Stitch Head.

All right, Stitch Head.

We love you, Stitch Head!

It's very good. Oh, yes.

Very good, one of my best.

Oh!

Good night, Professor.

What if the knees were connected to the ears?

Yes!

No. No, no, no, no.

Oops, this is a bit of an ankle.

That's all it is. That's all it is.

It's not a problem. It's an opportunity, so...

No--

Bong!

What's that, Stitch Head?

It's coming from the great door!

-There's someone there! -Someone outside!

Oh, that's nice.

No, it's not!

-No one ever comes! -Ever!

Not in any of our almost lives!

It's here!

What?

An angry...

Just everyone stay calm.

...mob.

No!

Shh! No noise. Remember?

Oh, right.

My bad.

Mm?

And good morning to you!

Fulbert Freakfinder at your service

with my traveling carnival of unnatural wonders,

of which you have undoubtedly heard!

Never has a sight more terrifying

been seen by a human eye.

No visitors.

Oh.

Now I know people could be cruel.

Why, as even folks down in Guggers Munchkin says,

there's a monster in this here castle!

But as I always say,

one person's monster

is another's poor, misunderstood creature,

cursed by cruel fate to look just a teeny weeny bit...

...odd!

Let them down, good.

Come on!

And one person's hideous disfigurement

is another man's business opportunity!

And so I was wondering...

...whether we could have a chat...

...about careers in the entertainment industry!

Boss! It hurts!

Shh! It's coming!

Ooh, it's never gonna work!

Please hurry up!

My groin!

Ow!

Quiet!

Towards the walls!

Oh, there you are, my dear.

Other way! Other way!

Ah! Lovely day for it! No, no, left!

My left! The other left!

Coming!

Gah!

I say...

Wouldn't mind giving me a bit of a hand, would you?

No visitors.

Ah! Um... sorry?

No visitors.

Please, excuse me.

It's me. Not you!

Speak it your way!

No visitors.

But my dear boy...

You're...

hideous!

They'd... love you!

Love you!

I told you so!

Love you! Love you!

Doesn't hurt!

I'm fine!

Ow...

Love you...

And? Was it an angry mob?

Did they want to burn down the castle?

Are we all gonna die?!

No. No, they'd... love me.

I mean, just go back to bed.

There's something I need to check.

Oof!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

-You did it! -Did what?

Oh, wait till the professor finds out!

He's gonna really love you now!

Live, live!

You shall be my greatest creation ever!

-See? He's busy. -So what?

You saved the castle!

He won't pay attention.

All right. I've got a plan. Don't worry.

I've put all my brainpower into it.

Oh.

I call it...

Dingle-Dangle!

Transformers!

-A simple spanner. -Professor!

It's Stitch Head!

-Electrodes! -Your first ever creation!

He loves you!

Initiate the sequence. Ah!

And now, engage the animator!

Just talk to him!

Whoa!

Oh!

Oh...

Professor?

Oh, my goodness.

You?

There was a man, at the gate, and...

and he wanted me to join the circus.

And he said people would love me.

He said people would love me, but I said no.

And I made him go away.

Because you need me here, right?

But I had no idea.

I never imagined.

You shall be my greatest creation ever!

And I really mean it this time.

Oh, you are a beauty, aren't you?

Oh!

Stitch Head! The monster!

He's going on a monster rampage!

That's what usually happens.

Someone has to stop it before he destroys the whole castle!

I'd better show you how, then.

Me?

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!

Ha! Oh!

Welcome to Almost Life.

Registered trademark.

Patents pending.

-Oh, no! -You may be feeling...

You may be feeling...

Disorientation, restless leg--

-Mirror. -Dizziness? Ow.

-Trapdoor. -Headaches? Ow!

Monster wash.

The controls are pretty obvious.

They are?

Oh, help!

Stitch Head!

Little--

Stitch-- Stitch Head...

Make sure they see the film.

And don't forget to rewind.

You are a monster.

You want to be monstrous.

But monstrousness is dangerous.

Monstrousness makes noise.

Monstrousness attracts attention.

They'll love you!

I'm here! This way!

I want to come with you!

Come on board, my boy!

Take my hand!

Up, Mimi, up!

-Stitch Head! -Jump!

Mm?

Oh!

Stitch Head!

Oh, whoa!

Mama!

So predictable.

Ah!

-Ah! -Stitch Head!

How's that?

No!

Whoa!

-Oh! -Don't look!

No!

-Uh... -Oh!

-Hey! -Bang on!

Well done!

More power!

I'm giving her all she's got!

Uh...

You have to let go.

No.

-It's bedtime! -The sun is coming up!

And Stitch Head isn't here!

No!

We don't know what to do!

And so, by staying quiet,

and out of sight, the monsters were safe.

But then, Stitch Head left for the town.

So now, it's only a matter of time

before the angry mob comes to burn their castle to the ground.

And then they won't almost live happily ever after, ever again.

Sorry.

So, are we just meant to huddle here

clutching each other in pure terror?

Um, yeah?

Good plan.

Don't let anybody see him.

We'll have none of that.

But they came from the castle.

And they've got someone with them.

Nothing good can come from the castle.

It's full of monsters.

Oh, give me those.

Maybe they're friendly!

Oh, that's what they want you to think.

They want you to lower your guard for just one minute,

and then, boom!

They'll be in. Your. Brain!

All for your own protection.

But they think it's for theirs, you see?

Show business, my boy.

Don't worry.

They'll love you.

Good sir, would you not care to see something horrific?

Something to steal your sanity and your bladder control?

-Mm-mm. -Fair lady!

So, how does profit share actually work?

We'll never make it back.

It doesn't count if you predict things that are obvious.

Would you not care to blight your lovely eyes forever

with one brief glimpse of a thing

most horrid and foul?

All my savings went into that balloon.

All of our savings!

I'll make it cheaper, just for you.

-Sixpence. -Get off me.

Tuppence? All right, a penny.

That's my final offer.

Why should I?

Why? Why?

Because it's from the castle.

The... castle?

That castle?

Castle...

Grotteskew?

The very same.

-I can't sleep. -I'm scared.

-Turn the light on. -It is on.

You've got your eyes shut.

Where's Stitch Head?

This is all my fault.

I did the Dingle-Dangle and that's why Stitch Head left.

So I must go down to the town and rescue him.

But the townsfolk!

The angry mob!

Aren't you scared?

Nope.

Well, yes.

But Stitch Head is my bestest best friend ever

and rescuing is what best friends do.

Right, showtime!

But, I...

I look...

Ready to go?

Where's the show?

They'll scream.

And that's the idea!

The artist...

holds a mirror up to beauty.

Someone's going to get impatient out here.

The public doesn't even stop to glance.

Have you got the monster in there or not?

But...

♪ Show them something frightful ♪

♪ The reaction's quite delightful ♪

I want my money back!

♪ They'll be queuing for an eyeful ♪

♪ And they'll ♪

♪ Scream ♪

You can't keep me here against my will.

♪ Make 'em scream ♪

♪ Make 'em scream ♪

♪ Oh, nothing quite delivers ♪

♪ Like the good old-fashioned shivers ♪

♪ Make 'em scream ♪

♪ Make 'em scream ♪

♪ If you want them all to love you ♪

♪ Make 'em scream ♪

♪ Make 'em scream ♪

♪ Make 'em scream ♪

♪ Make 'em choke, make 'em gag ♪

♪ And success is in the bag ♪

♪ There's nothing quite as gorgeous ♪

♪ As an audience that's nauseous ♪

♪ If you want them all to love you ♪

♪ Make 'em scream ♪

♪ Wake their ♪

♪ Primitive responses from deep down in their unconscious ♪

♪ Outrage, sicken and disgust 'em ♪

♪ Gross 'em out and maladjust 'em ♪

♪ Break all their taboos and you'll make the evening news ♪

♪ With rave reviews, a million views ♪

♪ And make 'em scream ♪

♪ Make 'em scream ♪

♪ Make 'em scream ♪

♪ Give 'em terror, give 'em horror ♪

♪ Give 'em Sodom and Gomorrah ♪

♪ Make 'em jump, make 'em spook ♪

♪ If you can, then make 'em puke ♪

♪ If you want them all to love you ♪

♪ Make 'em ♪

♪ Scream ♪

♪ Make 'em scream! ♪

Was that all part of the show?

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

We're just warming up.

But what am I meant to do?

-Roar! -Do a handstand!

Wave your arms.

From the back of the throat.

Oh, wave your legs.

And then do another handstand.

Let your eyes reflect the sheer futility of mortal existence.

Nothing.

Just be yourself.

Get in here!

Prepare for the worst!

The ghastly, the grotesque,

the Ghoul of Grotteskew!

Ladies, we've got a winner.

Get a mop, Horace.

But what will you do if a human sees you?

-Run away! -Dig a hole!

-Curl into a ball. -Yes!

No, I have a plan.

Not to be noticed in the first place.

Ooh.

I will flit, catlike, from one shadow to the next.

Invisible, silent, unseen.

He's my hero.

Are you ready for the equipment?

Ready.

Wait!

Wash bag.

And the camouflage.

Any last words?

I will return with Stitch Head,

or I will not return at all.

Sorry, what?

I will return with Stitch Head,

or I will not return at all.

No, sorry, not quite catching that.

I will return with--

Just open the gate, Steve.

So brave.

Very brave.

Very, very brave.

He's toast.

Yeah, doesn't stand a chance.

Is it okay if we shut the gate now

before an angry mob comes in?

Hi-ya.

Hi-ya!

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Whoa!

Hmm. Ah.

The Ghoul of Grotteskew!

Next!

And the next, please.

Arabella, you are not seeing that.

Oh, Nan!

The Ghoul of Grotteskew.

A shilling.

Ticket, please.

Enjoy the show.

Next, please.

The Ghoul of Grotteskew.

And the next, please.

Scuse me.

-Ticket, please. -Arabella!

Next, please.

-Ticket. -The Ghoul.

Next, please.

Ticket.

Next, please.

Arabella?

-Nan... -The Ghoul.

Arabella!

Grotteskew!

-Next. -Ticket.

Oh.

Scuse me, boss.

Next!

You can't frighten me.

Nothing frightens me.

No, sir. Of course not, sir.

High-five.

Don't forget to leave a review!

Oh, you beast.

Ooh.

Awoo.

Arr.

Ta-da.

Hey.

Next! Next! Next!

Next! Next!

Next!

That's it. Last one.

Stitch Head, come on out, my lad.

They love you.

Just like I said.

We've got a hit!

Mwah!

I knew you'd be a star!

Wanna work out sometime?

No, he's working out with me.

Arabella.

No going out.

The monster's frightful, I tell you.

Frightful!

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

Shh...

It's okay, Buster.

Quiet. Shh-shh-shh.

Shh.

Good doggie.

It's occupied.

Go away!

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

I let myself in. That's not weird, is it?

Lolly? I licked it.

That is weird.

Shh.

Keep quiet or we're both completely dead.

Unless you're dead already, I suppose.

'Cause the Ghoul of Grotteskew makes you sound like a ghost,

but you don't look like a ghost at all.

Ooh.

What's your real name?

Or do they just call you something like "Stitch Head"?

How did you know?

Er, so obvious. Arabella.

You okay?

Don't be scared.

Aren't you scared?

Of course not.

Being scared is stupid.

Then why are you here?

I have questions.

Your name. We did that.

How old are you? Who created you?

Why have you come from the castle, and...

Don't you miss the other monsters?

How do you know about...

I mean, what other monsters?

And how do you know about them if they exist?

Which they don't.

So! Rise and shine, my boy!

We're going to make it bigger, better, scarier than--

What's that?

No!

No peeking without paying! That's a shilling!

Now!

Keep the change.

Right, that's it!

Wait. You haven't screamed.

Ah.

Freak!

Ooh.

Rehearsal. Private.

So, our next show, a spectacular to set the world alight.

And what will you do?

Just be myself.

What?

The same thing as the last show?

I thought they loved me.

They did. Loved.

Loved-d-d. "D-d-d."

Past tense.

Just because they loved you yesterday

doesn't mean that they'll love you again tomorrow,

just like that.

Love has to be earned.

Uh, how?

You have to give them more.

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

-♪ For a freakish romance? ♪ -♪ For a freakish romance? ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Monster, monster ♪

♪ But you might poop your pants? ♪

♪ Poop your pants ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

Prepare to be terrified...

...by the Ghoul of Grotteskew.

But you can call him "Stitch Head."

Your cue...

♪ See, your brain blows up when you see me close up ♪

♪ Lock your kids inside, this is for the grown-ups ♪

♪ I'm so killer, I'm so creepy, turn you paler than tzatziki ♪

♪ Don't you know they call me Stitch Head? ♪

♪ 'Cause I scare myself to pieces ♪

♪ When I say "Stitch," you say "Head" ♪

-Stitch. -Head!

-Stitch! -Head!

♪ Come on, when I say "Stitch," you say "Head"! ♪

-Stitch! Stitch! -Head! Head!

♪ Made of bodies long since dead ♪

-Stitch! Stitch! -Head! Head!

♪ My limbs are hanging by a thread ♪

-Stitch! Stitch! -Head! Head!

♪ So always check beneath your bed ♪

-It's Stitch Head! -So are you hot for monsters?

-We'll sizzle your tongue. -Come on in and sneak a peek.

But not for too long.

Are you hungry for monsters?

Table for one?

Then get ready to freak!

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

Stitch Head T-shirts, posters, signed postcards, mugs,

lunchboxes and commemorative Stitch Head tea towels

are available here!

All at a very reasonable price!

Marvelous, my boy, marvelous!

Carry on like this, and one day all this will be yours!

-What, us too? -You're not selling me again!

Three for the price of two

only on the pajama sets, you pea brain!

Stitch Head! Stitch Head!

And now, my boy, look at that!

Ta-da! Do you see?

Yours, all yours!

Well, technically, it's hire purchase, but--

Ow.

Nothing is too good for my Stitch Head, that's what I say!

But, um, stay away from the windows, hmm?

No pictures unless they're paying, right?

Right.

And remember, no visitors.

Course not.

Enjoy.

What do I always say?

We'll get paid next week?

No! Keep your eyes peeled!

No one goes in or out without my say-so!

No, no, no, no!

Profit share means--

And who pays for the merch?

Do you think I get 10,000

Stitch Head pajama sets for free?

I have overheads!

Do you even know what overheads are?

So, did you like the show?

They loved me, right?

You think?

You're hurt.

Want a Stitch Head bottle opener?

Who needs a Stitch Head bottle opener?

I know, but they're buying them

just because they have my face on 'em.

If that's not love...

what is?

I don't know.

Something like--

Rescue! Ha-ha!

Thank goodness you're alone!

-I-- -Hello!

-Human! -Shh!

-What was that? -Like I said, an overhead.

That's worth a tenner at least.

-Boy! -Quick!

-Hide! -What about your friend?

In here.

Seriously?

What's wrong with it?

Is someone in there?

No, it's just me.

Do I need to be more frightening?

Stitch Head, watch out!

Humans!

-Everywhere! -What was that?

Ah! Nothing!

Pleased to meet you.

-Get back! -No visitors!

No one in here!

-Oh! -Oops.

Break it down, boys!

Hmm.

What? What was that noise?

Oh, just working on my monstrousness.

Any good?

Yes. No.

Very good.

Good night.

No visitors.

I wouldn't dream of it.

Hmm.

Hey!

Nice cupboard.

Human!

It... touched me!

So, what's the plan?

You want fame, fortune, girlfriends?

Then guard that caravan.

Hmm.

Ooh.

Hmm.

Get away!

Get away, get away, get away!

What are you doing?

Quick! Now! Push her out the door!

What? No!

Go monsters!

Uh...

Uh...

Uh-oh.

Yeah!

Hmm?

Oh.

Stay dignified.

We could be poor, but happy.

We lost the caravan.

Watch out!

Careful! She's dangerous.

Any minute she'll form an angry mob!

It isn't true.

I got it wrong.

Humans don't form angry mobs.

Humans love me.

But I've come to rescue you.

I know.

And thank you.

But I don't want to be rescued.

But what about all the monsters?

Don't you think it's time they learnt to look after themselves?

And... what about me?

You love castles, remember?

Goodbye.

Could you take me back to the circus, please?

No following.

Goodbye.

Bestest best friend.

-Stitch Head? -Stitch Head?

Stitch Head?

-Sign this, please! -Stitch Head!

I want a selfie!

I love your work so much.

Oh, Stitch Head, I'm your biggest fan!

He's so dreamy!

-Stitch Head! -Stitch Head!

Stitch Head!

Come with me.

There's something you need to see.

But my fans...

Arabella?

-Shh. -You're staying in.

The monster's on the streets.

You know what I told you?

If he sees you, he'll eat you!

Right, I'm off to get an autograph.

Hmm.

How did you...

I sneak out and I peek.

It's completely not allowed.

Are they any good?

Well, Ermintrude's only got six legs.

And Shelley's more orange than brown.

But yes, they're good.

Very good.

And who's that, then?

Oh, that's just Creature.

Came to rescue you?

He thinks he's my bestest best friend ever.

And is he?

He doesn't understand.

People love me.

Really?

I love you, Stitch Head! Stitch Head!

Looks like it to me.

Artistes. The talent.

Ha!

Always the same.

However good the trailer is, it's never enough.

Fine. Trash the trailer.

Go it on your own.

Have your "solo career"!

You think you'd do it better without me?

Well, just you wait and see.

I made you.

I took you in.

I treated you like my own child!

And this is how you thank me?

He could come to me

on bended knee!

I wouldn't take him back in a thousand years.

Shh.

You've come back?

And you'll play the next show?

Mm.

The most mind-blowing, stomach-churning,

trouser-messing show on Earth?

Yes!

We're gonna be rich!

I'll make you famous like you'd never believe!

Before an audience of thousands!

A show that redefines the limits of the monstrous,

the bizarre, and the grotesque.

Tonight, Rubbers Duggin.

Tomorrow, the capitals of the world!

Playing for the great and the good, the kings and queens,

for adoring millions!

They are going to love you!

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the show that will braise your brain,

gut your stomach, and burst your bladder.

Are you ready to confront your deepest fears?

-Yes! -Ready to plunge

into the black abyss of horror that is the unknown?

Yes!

Are you ready for monsters?

Then behold a dramatic reconstruction

in painstaking historic detail.

The capture of the Ghoul of Grotteskew.

Behold above the castle grim,

and there behind its windows dim

there lurks and howls in primitive sin

the gruesome Ghoul of Grotteskew.

See his mouth besmirched with blood.

There remains no doubt of children good

who simply had not understood

in Grotteskew, do not set foot.

It's not a friendly neighborhood.

Hmm.

But lo, here comes a hero brave,

Fulbert Freakfinder, here to save

this wretched beast from the living grave

that is the Castle Grotteskew.

-"Never." -Never!

But Fulbert, hero unafraid,

knows this savage must be saved.

Put on display, put on the stage,

not rot in Castle Grotteskew.

Oh, he's so dreamy.

He takes his lasso, throws it long,

he snares the Ghoul, but forces strong

hold back the beast.

It's all gone wrong!

-Huh? -"Chain hands now."

The beast resists,

the beast fights back.

And one by one,

his stitches snap.

Help.

You say, "No, no! I will not go!"

No, no! Ow!

No!

-Don't you think we should-- -No, he's fine.

Oh.

Hold on, lad, they're loving it.

Jump, Mimi!

No!

After a brief interval in which you are welcome to purchase

our attractively priced refreshments in the foyer,

you shall witness how I, Fulbert Freakfinder,

sew Stitch Head back together.

But first, prepare for churned stomachs,

exploded minds and whittled seats

as Stitch Head's stitches

are torn apart!

No!

No!

No!

Monster!

Humans!

-Stitch Head! -Creature!

Oh!

Stitch Head!

This way! Go!

Ah!

Humans!

Arabella!

You know that thing?

Yes! He is a creature of Grotteskew!

And he's Stitch Head's bestest friend!

And he's come to rescue him and take him back to Grotteskew

where he and all the other monsters are safe!

"Other monsters"?

Yes! They've all been awoken to Almost Life

by the Mad Professor, but they all live peacefully

in the castle, and there's nothing you can do about it!

Boss! The circus!

The caravans!

The balloon!

Forget about all that.

We've just landed the jackpot!

What about Arabella?

She's a human!

What does she need to be afraid of?

The castle's that way!

But you don't want to go back to the castle.

The monsters have to look after themselves!

I think I changed my mind.

You did?

On balance, this does feel better.

People of Guggers Nuffin!

People of Duffers Noggin!

Oi!

You are afraid.

-Deeply afraid! -I am.

But the time has come

to throw off your fear.

Too long have you been intimidated!

Too long have you trembled in terror!

Too long have you lived in the shadow...

of monstrosity!

But now,

the abominations of Grotteskew have gone too far.

They have crossed a line!

They have kidnapped

a little girl.

Oh.

Arabella!

But there is still a chance that she still lives!

Up there!

In Castle Grotteskew!

People of...

...whatever this place is called.

The time has come!

The time to form an angry mob!

Off you go then.

You are mean! You are evil! You--

And you are very inconvenient.

-Back in the sack, boys. -Come here.

But isn't it a bit off?

Oh, don't be such moaning Minnies.

The castle is full of monsters,

and you know what monsters mean?

Uh...

Money, you morons!

Monsters mean money!

Oh, sorry.

Sorry.

These woods are very dark.

It's Creature! And he has got Stitch Head!

He has rescued Stitch Head!

Open the gates!

Friend!

We made it!

-You did it! -You did it!

And, you didn't die!

Wow!

I'm sorry.

I should never have left the castle.

Why did you go, Stitch Head?

I just wanted to be loved.

But we love you.

We always loved you!

Exactly!

You're my bestest best friend, remember?

Aw.

So cute.

Don't want to interrupt

if you're having a moment here, but, um...

Burn the castle!

An angry mob!

Close the gates!

-Run away! -Run away!

-Huh? -Run away!

Attack!

Forward!

Stop!

Huh?

We are monsters.

And if I learnt anything down in that town,

it's that people are afraid of monsters.

Don't you mean that the other way around?

No!

If humans were afraid of me,

how are they going to react to Alice?

Huh?

Aw.

Well, I find that rather insensitive.

This is no time for hurt feelings!

This is time to let out your monstrousness!

What monstrousness?

You are monsters!

You want to be monstrous.

It's in your nature!

Huh?

Just be whoever you'd be if you weren't afraid!

But Stitch Head.

We are afraid!

Monsters!

-Don't be frightened! -Run away!

Oh?

Ah.

Ooh! I love me when I'm angry!

Whoa.

We've got you now!

Let's finish this.

Ah!

Huh?

Ah.

Oh.

It's monster time.

This is fun!

Can't we just go back to the old show?

Never, you losers! Sack!

Boss, you're never gonna catch monsters like that.

I don't need monsters.

Just like I don't need you!

All I need is the monster-maker.

-Help! -Oh, don't be such a baby.

Freeze!

Or I'll bite his ear off!

Wait a minute!

I thought you'd been kidnapped by this lot.

By the monsters? Pah!

We can explain.

Can we?

Mm-hmm.

Live! Live!

You will be my greatest creation ever!

What?

What on earth are you doing? You can't walk into a-- Oh?

Professor? Fulbert Freakfinder,

your greatest fan.

And your new employer!

Not so fast, Freakfinder!

You?

Dingle-Dangle!

You've got talent, Stitch Head.

Come with me!

Never!

Eek!

The Professor never loved you.

Or you'd never have left the castle, would you?

No!

Pull!

Whoa!

He's getting away!

Pull harder!

Harder!

Think what you're giving up, Stitch Head.

A new monster each week! To do with as we please!

Harder!

But, Stitch Head! Your stitches!

Audiences would love us!

That's not love!

Then what is?

Harder!

Yes!

Oh.

So, you see, I wasn't kidnapped by the monsters,

I was kidnapped by the Freaks!

We-- Er-- Yeah.

Our bad.

I feel very awkward.

So? What are you going to do now?

Run away?

-Hide? -Blame somebody else?

No! You are going to say sorry!

Now!

Oh.

Right.

Sorry about the whole angry mob thing.

Oh, it's fine. Don't mention it.

Everyone makes mistakes.

And shake hands!

Like you mean it!

So, where did that Freakfinder get to, then?

♪ I'm all out of love ♪

♪ I'm so lost without you ♪

♪ I know you were right ♪

♪ Believing for so long ♪

♪ I'm all out of love ♪

♪ What am I without you? ♪

♪ I can't be too late ♪

♪ I know I was so wrong ♪

♪ I'm all out of love ♪

♪ I'm so lost without you ♪

♪ I know you were right ♪

♪ Believing for so long ♪

♪ I'm all out of love ♪

♪ What am I without you? ♪

♪ I can't be too late ♪

♪ I know I was so wrong ♪

♪ I'm all out of love ♪

♪ I'm so lost without you ♪

♪ I know you were right ♪

♪ Believing for so long ♪

♪ I'm all out of love ♪

♪ I'm so lost without you ♪

♪ I know you were right. ♪

Huh. Fair enough.

You will always be...

...my bestest best friend.

Stitch Head.

Stitch Head?

Stitch Head.

Yes. Yes.

I called you Stitch Head.

And you called me Tiny.

Geoff.

Ermintrude.

Mary.

Shelley.

Barney.

-Woodlouse. -Woodlouse.

Pigbutt.

Skaterdog?

Frank?

Rhinodino?

Octochicken?

-Owggagoffakkookkk. -Oh.

And Steve.

Hello.

And this is Creature.

You...

...made us.

I... I did.

And I made Stitch Head.

Look at the state of him!

This won't do at all.

Pass me needle and thread. I'll need the number five.

And hurry up. We haven't got all day.

You...

...were my very first creation.

Did you hear that, Stitch Head?

He said you...

I know. And you...

are my bestest best friend ever.

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Monster, monster ♪

♪ Baby, you got the guts? ♪

♪ You got the guts ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Monster, monster ♪

♪ Say you rolling with us ♪

♪ Rolling with us ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Monster, monster ♪

♪ We can show you the moves ♪

♪ Show you the moves ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Monster, monster ♪

♪ 'Cause we scared of you too ♪

♪ Scared of you too ♪

Ey, move, move, move.

Watch out, it's me, it's Tiny, eh!

♪ We nah wan fi bother you ♪

♪ We nah wan fi clobber you ♪

♪ Come and do an interview ♪

♪ You gon' see We're super cool ♪

♪ We're the ones that's scared of you ♪

♪ We'll put on our dinner suit ♪

♪ Yeah, we're vegan, what are you ♪

♪ I'm hungry, can we order food ♪

♪ All we wanna do is play play ♪

♪ Our castle's just a little gray gray ♪

♪ Can I get a little hey hey ♪

♪ 'Cause we can live together, baby ♪

Hold on, hold on. Yo, yo. Where's Tiny at?

-Where's Tiny at? -Right here. Eh!

♪ Game over, game over, freaky little takeover ♪

♪ Wait, hold up, Tej gonna play it like he's Beethoven ♪

♪ You know and they know we ain't gotta say so ♪

♪ When croc take a poop ♪

♪ Ooh, it's bigger than a Range Rover ♪

♪ We ain't gotta fight now ♪

♪ Different is the new black ♪

♪ I'm-a tell you right now ♪

♪ I'm anxious, where's my Prozac? ♪

♪ If you got a tough rash or you've got a moustache ♪

♪ Everyone's a monster and we love it ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Baby, you got the guts? ♪

♪ Baby, you got the guts? ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Monster, monster ♪

♪ Say you rolling with us ♪

♪ Say you rolling with us ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Monster, monster ♪

♪ We can show you the moves ♪

♪ Show you the moves ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Monster, monster ♪

♪ 'Cause we scared of you too ♪

♪ We're scared of you too ♪

♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey, DJ ♪

♪ Monster, monster ♪

♪ Monster, monster ♪

♪ M-M-Monster, mon ♪

♪ Mon-Monster ♪

♪ What? ♪

♪ Huh ♪