Original subtitles

It's just ryan.

"Just ryan"? I matter.

Look, I got usain bolt's Phone number in my phone.

Check it out. Look at that.

Okay, you guys love me. What is this?

Simone's back.

She's the most awesome, Coolest person

That's ever been In this group.

Ooh, I wonder What her new tragedy is.

I hope she lost a cat.

Sharing a tragedy With simone would be mint.

Look at you guys. You're all dressed up.

Anne, are you wearing A dress?

- she likes my legs. - oh, boy.

I put my earring Back in

And had them take out A little of the gray.

All: ooh!

When she was in the group, This was the place to be.

Anyone who was anyone Was here.

And we danced.

I'm fairly certain

You're thinking Of studio 54.

See, That's the kind of crack

Simone would never make.

She was in it, king.

Not above it, Commenting on it.

Just me. Sorry, I'm not simone.

Lauren hates simone.

I don't hate simone.

Maybe I was thinking About studio 54.

Did I steal a woman From dick cavett here?

Whenever simone tells A story,

She can't help

But mutter under her breath. - oh.

Lauren is, like, "That event not happen, simone.

I not believe this. Gag me with spoon."

Your impression of me Is uncanny.

She just demands A lot of attention.

And is prone To exaggeration.

Ah, so a needy liar.

That's who you think Is better than me?

- guys... - oh, my god!

She's here! She's finally here!

Simone! - simone!

She hugged me. She's hugging me first.

Oh, I'm just so happy.

Yes!

I don't see the appeal.

- I do. - yeah, me too.

I was in the bazaar In marrakesh

When I saw the nine Most colorful scarves

And thought of the nine Most colorful people I know.

All: aww.

Anne, Your eyes look so blue.

It's the scarf. It's the perfect color.

The scarves are making us Beautiful.

I think you make The scarves beautiful.

All: aww.

And you must be ryan.

Oh, I don't need A scarf.

I'm already beautiful.

I don't have a scarf,

But I had yolanda email me A picture of you.

Unfortunately, I'm never Without my watercolors.

I love it.

So simone,

Would you like to share with us Why you returned?

Is your brother In a coma?

As you know, I first joined this group

When my career was cut short By a tragic injury.

And I had to say, "Farewell" To dance.

Although There was no evidence

Of an injury Or a dance career.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Dance career.

I left in search Of the next thing.

I went to europe, Seeking beauty.

I was making art--

Mm-mm.

I forgot I'm back In the states.

And it's not 1937,

And you're not The penguin.

You better laugh at that, Or we're not friends anymore.

I'm torn about this.

I was sketching farm houses On the seine

When I met a poet-- My soul mate.

Can we speed this up?

I've got some things I'd like to discuss.

I had never fallen So hard for anybody.

I asked him to marry me.

And on the day We were to wed,

He disappeared.

- oh, no! - ohh...

Words do not exist To express my heartbreak.

No, that's not true.

There is An ancient gaelic phrase.

Uh-- - briseadh croi.

Yeah.

That's it.

Thank you, benjamin.

"Benjamin"? You told her your name?

I felt like She could handle it.

It feels good To be here.

But enough about me. Ryan had something.

Yeah, ryan. Follow that.

She just lost The love of her life.

Mine died.

Yeah, like months ago. Uck.

Well, as you all know, Work has been a refuge.

My show is everything To me.

Oh, you're in the arts?

Sports radio.

It's all scores, boobies,

And schwarzenegger Impressions.

More nfl after the break.

I'll be back.

Yeah, go ahead.

Okay.

Steven, Who's supposed to be

My advocate And best friend,

Informs me that, From now on,

My show is gonna be 15 minutes shorter.

Can you believe that? 15 minutes shorter.

So, simone, Where are you staying?

- oh, will you stay with me? - stay with me?

Me!

Anne, I'd love to stay With you.

Yeah!

The kids are away. I'll--I'll give you my room.

I insist.

You sure you don't want To share a bed?

Oh!

Simone. Silly.

I'm in the middle Of saying something.

Is anybody listening To me?

I am.

Steven was your friend.

And then he cut Your sports show

From 3 hours To 2 hours and 45 minutes.

That is The ultimate betrayal.

And you will be avenged.

♪ dirty deeds Done dirt cheap ♪

♪ dirty deeds ♪

And there goes the only person Who listens to me.

Oh!

My bad.

Sorry I hit your sword With my back.

Here, danny. Let me help you.

Thanks.

Hey, Are these divorce papers?

You're finally giving

That cheating harpy The boot.

I--no, I can't say That I respect you,

But you seem less like A cartoon dog to me.

- really? - mm-hmm.

Yeah, Time to move on.

Between us,

I'm sweet on somebody In the group.

I am developing The darndest,

Most confusing feelings.

This innocent, mayberry Sexuality on an old guy--mm.

Danny, Why is this paperwork

All about what She is gonna get?

Who the hell Is your lawyer?

Oh, some nice guy Bonnie picked out.

Your wife?

Yeah. We're both using him.

Makes things easier, Don't you think?

Oh, hey, sonia.

Did you know danny Is getting a divorce?

Apparently, he likes Someone in the group.

Really?

Oh, he's gonna get taken To the cleaners.

Can you help him? Do you do divorces?

I'm a prosecutor.

I put sleazebags In the chair

And divorce them From existence.

I want you to think About helping danny.

Oh.

But more importantly,

Can I come to an execution?

No, you gotta give it a try Just once.

Hi, mr. K. - good afternoon, carrie.

Wonderful to see you.

That is one slap For every 7 1/2 minutes

You took from ryan.

Hmm.

What the hell?

Steven, look at your car.

Sweetheart.

♪ dirty deeds Done dirt cheap ♪

♪ dirty deeds And they're done dirt cheap ♪

♪ dirty deeds and they're done Dirt cheap ♪

Oh, hey, lauren.

- oh, god. - there you are.

Namaste.

What are you doing here?

You've never heard Of boundaries?

Simone's not working out.

She's taken over the group.

I know it bothers you.

I can tell you're pent up. - I'm not pent up.

You know where simone Is right now?

She's at anne's house With the group,

So that they can paint Each other's beauty.

What?

She sent me An inspirational poem.

That stuff sucks. That's your stuff.

You get to suck. - yeah.

We need to eliminate her From the group.

Ryan, I'm gonna give you

The same piece of advice I gave to fausta

When she wanted To fusilarte you

After your first session. - what?

Filed away. Keep going.

Do nothing.

Trust me. Trust the group.

And in time--

Ryan, you came.

Grab a paintbrush And find someone

You think is beautiful.

You won't have to look far.

- it's not working out. - what?

You. The group.

We've hit a nice stride Since I joined.

You don't fit.

Did you read the poem I sent you?

No, I didn't read The stupid poem

You sent me by "Yee-ahts."

I realize It's pronounced yeats,

But I'm mispronouncing it To take away its power.

You're overreacting. There's room for both of us.

You are wrong.

Everybody, a word.

Ryan, we find beauty.

I draw owen. - he's naked.

Doesn't need to be. Is.

Painting time's over. She's gotta go.

No, no, no. Ryan, this is simone.

Yolanda is the one Who we don't want.

Okay, That is not helping.

Nor did it help When you turned

My friend's car Upside-down.

That is not Appropriate human behavior.

Okay.

Can we just say what is Appropriate human behavior?

Why all the drama? We like simone.

All right. I didn't Want to have to do this.

But you're gonna Have to choose.

Her or me, okay?

And I think You will all choose me.

Except for A certain buxom someone

Who I heard has already Tried to have me eliminated.

He knows.

So what's it gonna be?

Her or me?

Hey, lauren. - oh!

Remember that thing I said I wasn't gonna do?

It didn't go well. - is that owen?

Oh, yeah.

Fausta gave it to me As a consolation prize.

- doesn't make it better. - no, it makes it worse.

My client, your wife, Is asking

For the following In the divorce.

House, my car.

My military pension.

Seems like I might be Getting rooked here.

You're my lawyer. What do you think?

I think we gotta take it.

It's why I pay you The big bucks.

Danny, Put down the pen!

Back off, You porsche-driving,

Coldwater canyon Mansion-living,

Harvard name-dropping Mother[bleep]!

He has a new lawyer.

- you're gonna help me? - yeah.

You're so sweet.

Well...You can't let him Think that.

Now I have to--

Balance restored.

Thanks for joining us.

Our topic today Is team chemistry

And how it can easily be Undermined.

Our guest, terrell owens.

Terrell, so when you were With the cowboys--

I thought you brought me Here to apologize

For throwing fruit at me The last time.

Right. Sorry about that fruit thing.

So when you were With the cowboys,

They were A super bowl contender, but--

That apology Didn't feel genuine.

I'm a person, ryan.

Not a robot in, like, Those schwarzenegger movies

You always talk about.

Okay, Well, we're gonna go

To the phones.

We've got john from reseda.

Ryan, it's simone.

I feel your impression of me Is way off base.

Been there, simone.

I think you should give me A chance, ryan.

I spread awesomeness. Let's go out one night.

We are not doing this Right now.

Oh, she's under your skin?

She sounds attractive. Is she attractive?

You know what? We gonna go to a commercial,

And we're gonna figure This out off the air.

Thank you.

All right, terrell. We're done.

You need help.

What the--

Did you paint a picture Of me, man?

Hi.

You stay away from me.

- look, you know me. - no, I don't know.

And you know I have a hard time

Saying I'm-- W-rong.

It's easy for me To accept blame.

I just have A cognitive problem

With my silent "W"S.

It's weird, I don't have any trouble

W-riting them.

I need to make amends.

I have brought you This rare african grey parrot.

That's a pigeon.

I don't want your bird.

But I have to make Things right.

I slapped you, I flipped your car,

I poured super glue All over

Your girlfriend's Computer keyboard.

Girlfriend?

- who did this? - stop.

Mr. K, I'm not even mad at you.

I'm actually mad At ryan.

I kill myself For the guy,

And he complains about me Behind my back.

He doesn't understand The pressure I face

From ad sales, From audience erosion--

You know, forget it.

I don't want to bore you With the minutia

Of the radio business.

No, no, no.

I love minutia. Explain it all to me.

- seriously? - may I take notes?

No. You don't have to do that.

Carrie, take this down.

Danny, I asked you To make

A list of everything You wanted, and this is

What you've come up with? - yeah.

The pullout sofa, The wheelbarrow,

The history channel.

Just the history channel?

Sorry.

I just got off the phone With john lithgow.

Harvard '67.

So...

Ready to sign off On my client's demands?

This is What's gonna happen.

My client will pay No alimony,

He'll retain his pension

And acquire half Of the joint assets.

If you want to take this Before a judge,

I will you eat you For lunch.

You're not A divorce attorney.

This is my specialty.

Oh, yeah?

Well, My specialty is winning.

And I can and will do Everything in my power

To get that jury On my side.

Yeah, I can rile them up

Over the injustice That's been done.

Or I can make 'em laugh.

Or I can make 'em cry

Over the betrayal

Of a 1/64th chinook indian.

We stole his people's land.

She stole his family...

His dignity...

His heart.

Have your client sign These papers now,

Or I do this for real.

Call john lithgow. Tell him you're [bleep].

I know what You're thinking.

What awesomeness can simone Bring me here?

Just you wait.

Another round of drinks, Please, charlene.

Ah, yes, the old clocking Of the name tag trick.

My mom does that. Nobody wants it.

What if our connection To charlene

Could change our lives?

There are no strangers...

Only friends We haven't met yet.

Um...Yuck.

Let's deepen our connection. Truth or dare?

You realize We're not 14 years old, right?

- truth or dare, dummy. - fine, truth.

Where'd you meet your wife?

My first radio job.

She was the daughter Of the station manager,

And he hated me, And I asked janie out.

And, I think just to spite him, She said "Yes."

I think that's why She married me.

That and the fact that I have a six-pack.

But in order to see it, I have to breathe

All the air out Of my body,

And then cough, like, Really hard.

Truth or dare? - dare.

Okay. You know charlene's name.

Now get her phone number.

Wow, ryan, That's the first dare

I've ever heard That doesn't involve me

Taking my clothes off.

Well, in fairness to me,

I didn't realize That was an option.

Charlene, We've had a great time,

And I don't want it To end.

Why don't you give me Your number?

You won't be sorry. I know how to do stuff.

I know how to do stuff too, Charlene.

All right, that was good. Nicely done.

Not surprised you picked "Dare" though.

You don't seem to be That big a fan of truth.

Fine, You want a free truth?

Okay. Let's talk about your fiance.

The love of your life.

When's his birthday? What's his favorite color?

Is he outraged That the monkees

Are not in the rock and roll Hall of fame?

I don't know Any of those things.

I only knew him For 24 hours.

Aha! Tepid tragedy.

Does that mean that he wasn't The love of my life?

How long did it Take for you

To fall for the love Of your life?

Not long.

Ow.

There's a storm coming.

I can always feel it In my dance leg.

Really? You calling your shot

With a storm in l.A.? - leg never lies.

Lady, you are either The most interesting person

I've ever met Or a pathological liar.

I'll take truth.

What about me Makes you so crazy?

- you really want to know? - mm-hmm.

Okay, The person that I was

Closest to In the world died.

And I try to keep it All cool and together,

But most mornings, It's a miracle

I can even get Out of bed.

And that group Really helps me.

I don't know how. I don't know why.

But I don't want you Messing with that.

Come with me.

The viewable impressions Plus the roi should equal

Advertising effectiveness.

But in a world Of time-shifted content,

The older rules No longer apply.

You are w-restling With historic challenges.

You get it!

You're the first person That's ever

Taken the time to understand.

Thanks, buddy.

Are we buddies?

Can I call you buddy? - yeah, sure.

Oh, buddy.

This is the best moment Of my life, buddy.

Huh? What now?

Should we go pull a prank On some lesser pair of buddies?

I would like To teach ryan

A lesson about taking me For granted.

- hey. - hey.

Are we talking about Teaching ryan a lesson?

- yeah. - I'm in.

Anne is a miracle worker.

I basically get everything.

So you're gonna be single. That's exciting.

Hey.

Maybe you could Be my wingman.

Let me check something.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You wouldn't be Too much competition.

All I have to do is sign here, And it is official.

Put down that pen, danny. We're gonna get more.

More?

The jewelry That you gave her,

Those savings bonds From her grandparents.

The diaphragm that she got Using your health coverage.

I don't want a diaphragm.

Well, sell it. Use it for a yarmulke.

We're getting it.

Don't you want her to suffer For what she did to you?

No, I just want to Move on.

Danny, The woman made a vow.

She promised to be there Through good times and bad,

By your side, forever.

She doesn't get to leave Because she gets bored,

Or she finds someone new,

Or she forgets to take Her damn heart medication!

You know, anne,

It seems like you could start Talking about one woman,

But end up talking about-- - yeah, we're already there.

This all feels very The wire.

Are we about to get "Got"? - we don't get got.

I take you to a meet So you get got or I get got,

But we don't both get got, 'cause it's not how it works.

Yeah, I don't actually Watch the show.

I know I'm supposed to.

You asked me Why I took you here.

I sent you a poem that would be Perfect for this

If you weren't Such a dude.

The world is full Of magical things,

Patiently waiting For our senses...

Both: to grow sharper.

- you did read it. - yeah.

I told you.

Still think I'm full of it?

I'm not certain I care.

And it's pretty clear

You still have A lot of anger towards patty.

Of course I do.

If she really loved me,

She would have taken care Of herself.

You ought to cut her Some slack.

I got six grandchildren I love.

But I still do things That are bad for me.

Hell, I'd drop "E" if somebody Would hook me up.

It's not happening, george.

I can't even sleep In our bed

Because it reminds me how Every night I would say,

"Did you take your pill?"

She would kiss me, Lie to my face,

And say, "Yes."

You have to let That anger go.

You know what allows me Not to hate bonnie?

Blunt force trauma To your prefrontal cortex

Suffered during Basic training?

No. That just left me with A few minor spatial issues.

With bonnie, when something She's done wrong

Pops into my head,

I immediately think Of all the good times

We had together.

Do you think you can Try sleeping

In your own bed tonight?

I don't know If I'm ready.

Here. It's right here.

You know, you said You would be here for me.

I didn't think You were being literal.

This group does not do well With metaphors.

Plus, We made you

A first-night-in-your-bed Cake.

This cake Is delicious, fausta.

I use an extra cup Of brown sugar

And breast milk.

Okay, you know what?

I've changed my mind.

I don't think I can do this Tonight.

Wait. You can do it, anne.

Think about the good times.

You're right.

Thank you, guys.

I can do it, I can-- Aah!

Oh, no! Straight sex!

This is a very big step For me.

Why here?

We were saying good night.

One thing led to another.

Guys.

Please.

Let's talk about How we're all feeling.

We're listening.

I'm glad I could experience This night with you.

And several members Of the group.

I could have done without Fausta saying,

"I got next."

Did she mean me or you?

Me. You get anne.

Fausta's mine.

Good night.

Terrell?

♪ dirty deeds, Dirty deeds ♪

♪ dirty deeds Done dirt cheap ♪

♪ yeaaaah ♪