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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,260 --> 00:00:09,560 ♪ I'M GOING DOWN TO SOUTH PARK ♪ 2 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:11,730 ♪ GONNA HAVE MYSELF A TIME ♪ 3 00:00:11,730 --> 00:00:13,030 ♪ FRIENDLY FACES EVERYWHERE ♪ 4 00:00:13,030 --> 00:00:14,760 ♪ HUMBLE FOLKS WITHOUT TEMPTATION ♪ 5 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:16,060 ♪ GOING DOWN TO SOUTH PARK ♪ 6 00:00:16,070 --> 00:00:18,240 ♪ GONNA LEAVE MY WOES BEHIND ♪ 7 00:00:18,230 --> 00:00:19,530 ♪ AMPLE PARKING DAY OR NIGHT ♪ 8 00:00:19,540 --> 00:00:21,280 ♪ PEOPLE SPOUTING "HOWDY NEIGHBOR" ♪ 9 00:00:21,270 --> 00:00:22,570 ♪ HEADIN' ON UP TO SOUTH PARK ♪ 10 00:00:22,570 --> 00:00:24,740 ♪ GONNA SEE IF I CAN'T UNWIND ♪ 11 00:00:24,740 --> 00:00:28,210 ♪ TIM-TMAH TIM-MAH, TIM-MAH TIM-MAH TIMMY TIM-MAH ♪ 12 00:00:28,210 --> 00:00:29,510 ♪ SO COME ON DOWN TO SOUTH PARK ♪ 13 00:00:29,510 --> 00:00:31,250 ♪ AND MEET SOME FRIENDS OF MINE ♪ 14 00:00:36,020 --> 00:00:37,320 SHUT UP, YOU GUYS. SHUT UP. 15 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:42,960 HELLO, "CHITTY WOK", TAKE ORDER, PLEASE. 16 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:43,830 HELLO, IS THIS CITY WOK ? 17 00:00:43,830 --> 00:00:46,430 YES, THIS CHITTY WOK. 18 00:00:46,430 --> 00:00:49,460 YES, WE'D LIKE ONE ORDER OF THE CITY BEEF. 19 00:00:49,470 --> 00:00:50,780 CHITTY BEEF. 20 00:00:50,770 --> 00:00:52,070 AND I'LL HAVE THE CITY CHICKEN. 21 00:00:52,070 --> 00:00:54,670 CHITTY CHICKEN. 22 00:00:56,410 --> 00:00:58,150 OH DUDE, LOOK, IT'S THAT COMMERCIAL WITH THE GUY 23 00:00:58,140 --> 00:01:01,180 WHO LOST 400 POUNDS EATING AT SUBWAY SANDWICHES. 24 00:01:01,180 --> 00:01:02,910 ♪ He's still looking good ♪ 25 00:01:02,910 --> 00:01:05,950 ♪ His name is Jared ♪ 26 00:01:05,950 --> 00:01:07,680 ♪ His name is Jared ♪ 27 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:10,290 ♪ And he likes to eat the sandwiches ♪ 28 00:01:10,290 --> 00:01:11,590 WELL, HEY, FELLAS. 29 00:01:11,590 --> 00:01:12,450 HEY, KENNY. 30 00:01:12,460 --> 00:01:14,200 NOW GOSH DARN IT, MY NAME'S NOT KENNY. 31 00:01:14,190 --> 00:01:15,920 KENNY'S DEAD, 32 00:01:15,930 --> 00:01:17,670 AND YOU'RE ALL GONNA HAVE TO LEARN TO DEAL WITH THAT. 33 00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:18,960 OKAY, NOT-KENNY. 34 00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:20,260 Hey South Park ! 35 00:01:20,260 --> 00:01:22,430 You can meet Jared, in person, March 6th, 36 00:01:22,430 --> 00:01:25,030 at the Kenny McCormack Memorial Town Square. 37 00:01:25,030 --> 00:01:27,200 OH BOY, JARED'S COMING TO TOWN. 38 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:28,500 DUDE, THAT'S TODAY ! 39 00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:29,800 WE GOTTA GET DOWN THERE. 40 00:01:29,810 --> 00:01:30,680 COME ON, NOT-KENNY. 41 00:01:30,670 --> 00:01:32,410 NOW GOSH DARN IT, MY NAME'S NOT NOT-KENNY. 42 00:01:32,410 --> 00:01:34,140 OKAY, COME ON, NOT-NOT-KENNY. 43 00:01:34,140 --> 00:01:36,740 I'M GETTING STEAMED NOW. 44 00:01:36,750 --> 00:01:38,920 Ohh, Chitty Wok, Chitty Wok ! 45 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:40,660 I take order, please. 46 00:01:42,390 --> 00:01:44,560 EXCUSE ME, CAN WE GET THROUGH HERE ? 47 00:01:44,550 --> 00:01:47,590 HELL NO, I'VE BEEN SAVING THIS SPOT FOR SIX HOURS. 48 00:01:47,590 --> 00:01:48,890 ♪ HIS NAME IS GARRISON MR. GARRISON ♪ 49 00:01:48,890 --> 00:01:51,930 ♪ HE LOST 10 POUNDS TAKING JARED'S LEAD ♪ 50 00:01:51,930 --> 00:01:54,100 HERE HE COMES ! 51 00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:58,430 ♪ HE'S STILL LOOKING GOOD WITH ALL THOSE SANDWICHES ♪ 52 00:02:01,900 --> 00:02:03,640 THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH. 53 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:06,670 Y'KNOW, AFTER A YEAR OF EATING DELICIOUS SUB SANDWICHES 54 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:10,160 I'VE PROVEN WEIGHT LOSS IS EASY. 55 00:02:10,150 --> 00:02:11,450 AND I PROMISE YOU, 56 00:02:11,450 --> 00:02:14,920 I WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR FAITHFUL LEADER IN EASY WEIGHT LOSS. 57 00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:15,780 ALL RIGHT ! 58 00:02:15,790 --> 00:02:18,830 THAT GUY ATE ALL THE SANDWICHES HE WANTED AND LOST WEIGHT. 59 00:02:18,820 --> 00:02:21,860 HE IS SO COOL. 60 00:02:22,290 --> 00:02:24,460 MR. FOGLE, SOME FANS WANTED TO SEE 61 00:02:24,460 --> 00:02:25,330 IF YOU'D SIGN THEIR SANDWICH. 62 00:02:25,330 --> 00:02:27,060 SURE, LET THEM IN. 63 00:02:27,060 --> 00:02:28,800 HI, KIDS. 64 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,100 WOW, JARED. 65 00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:31,400 DUDE, DID YOU REALLY LOSE ALL THAT WEIGHT 66 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:32,270 EATING NOTHING BUT SUB SANDWICHES ? 67 00:02:32,270 --> 00:02:34,440 I SURE DID. 68 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:37,040 WELL, I ALSO HAD A LITTLE HELP ON THE SIDE. 69 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:37,910 WHAT KIND OF HELP ? 70 00:02:37,910 --> 00:02:40,510 WELL, EATING SUB SANDWICHES WAS A BIG PART OF IT. 71 00:02:40,510 --> 00:02:42,240 BUT THE WAY THAT I LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT 72 00:02:42,250 --> 00:02:45,720 WAS THAT I GOT AIDES. 73 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:46,590 A-AIDS ? 74 00:02:46,580 --> 00:02:48,750 THAT'S RIGHT, I GOT AIDES ABOUT TWO YEARS AGO 75 00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:50,490 AND I'VE BEEN LOSING WEIGHT EVER SINCE. 76 00:02:50,490 --> 00:02:52,650 IT'S AMAZING HOW SLIM YOU CAN GET WITH AIDES. 77 00:02:52,660 --> 00:02:53,530 I'LL BET YOU CAN. 78 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:55,260 WOULD YOU LIKE TO MEET THEM ? 79 00:02:55,260 --> 00:02:56,560 THEM ? 80 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:58,290 MY AIDES. SCOTT, TYLER ! 81 00:02:58,290 --> 00:03:01,330 SCOTT IS MY PERSONAL TRAINER AND TYLER IS MY DIETITIAN. 82 00:03:01,330 --> 00:03:02,630 HELLO ! HELLO ! 83 00:03:02,630 --> 00:03:04,800 OH ! A-I-D-E-S, AIDES. 84 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:06,530 YEAH, HOORAY FOR AIDES ! 85 00:03:06,540 --> 00:03:08,710 WELL, THAT'S NOT REALLY WHAT YOU SAY IN THE COMMERCIAL. 86 00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:10,010 I KNOW, YOU KIND OF HAVE TO READ THE FINE PRINT 87 00:03:10,010 --> 00:03:11,320 AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SCREEN. 88 00:03:11,310 --> 00:03:12,610 IT SAYS I ONLY ATE A HALF-SIZE LEAN TURKEY SANDWICH 89 00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:15,640 WITH NO MUSTARD OR MAYO OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. 90 00:03:15,650 --> 00:03:17,390 AND THEN HAD PROPER DIET AND EXERCISE AIDES. 91 00:03:17,380 --> 00:03:18,680 BUT YOU'RE LYING TO PEOPLE. 92 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:19,980 IF THEY KNEW THAT YOU DIDN'T JUST 93 00:03:19,980 --> 00:03:21,720 EAT ALL THE SANDWICHES YOU WANT, 94 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:22,580 YOU MIGHT NOT BE SO POPULAR. 95 00:03:22,590 --> 00:03:24,760 YOU THINK SO ? WHY SHOULD IT MATTER ? 96 00:03:24,750 --> 00:03:27,790 IT MATTERS, DUDE. 97 00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:28,660 HMM. 98 00:03:28,660 --> 00:03:30,830 THAT PENIS-BUTT DIDN'T LOSE WEIGHT EATING SUB SANDWICHES. 99 00:03:30,830 --> 00:03:32,990 HE LOST WEIGHT BECAUSE HE ATE LESS OF THEM AND EXERCISED. 100 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,310 YEAH, IT'S ONLY IN AMERICA SOMEBODY CAN BECOME FAMOUS 101 00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:36,460 JUST BECAUSE THEY GO FROM BEING A BIG FAT-ASS 102 00:03:36,470 --> 00:03:37,340 TO NOT BEING A BIG FAT-ASS. 103 00:03:37,330 --> 00:03:39,500 OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS-- 104 00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:41,240 I THINK I'M HAVING A GENIUS MOMENT. 105 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:44,270 YES, YES, IT'S COMING TO ME NOW. 106 00:03:44,270 --> 00:03:45,570 IS THAT-- THAT'S DIARRHEA. 107 00:03:45,580 --> 00:03:46,880 NO-- DON'T YOU SEE WHAT THIS ALL MEANS ? 108 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:49,490 ANYBODY COULD DO WHAT HE DID. 109 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,210 WHAT'S TO STOP SOMEONE ELSE FROM GOING TO SAY, CITY WOK, 110 00:03:51,210 --> 00:03:53,380 AND CUTTING A DEAL WITH THEM ? 111 00:03:53,380 --> 00:03:55,120 SAY THEY'LL EAT NOTHING BUT THEIR CHINESE FOOD, 112 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:58,150 BUT THEN EAT ONLY A LITTLE TINY BIT OF IT AND EXERCISE. 113 00:03:58,150 --> 00:03:59,890 THEN CITY WOK COULD SAY THEIR FOOD MAKES YOU LOSE WEIGHT. 114 00:03:59,890 --> 00:04:03,360 THAT'S RIGHT, STAN, IT'S A CASH COW, I TELL YOU. 115 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:04,660 THAT'S A GREAT IDEA ! 116 00:04:04,660 --> 00:04:05,530 LOSE WEIGHT AND MAKE MONEY. 117 00:04:05,530 --> 00:04:07,260 I TELL YOU, THIS IS GONNA BE THE GREATEST THING 118 00:04:07,260 --> 00:04:09,000 THAT BUTTERS HAS EVER DONE. 119 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:09,860 ME ? 120 00:04:09,870 --> 00:04:11,180 WHO DO YOU THINK I'M TALKING ABOUT, BUTTERS, 121 00:04:11,170 --> 00:04:12,470 JOYCE DeWITT ? 122 00:04:12,470 --> 00:04:13,770 OH, NO, I THOUGHT YOU MEANT YOU. 123 00:04:13,770 --> 00:04:14,640 YOU'RE THE FAT ONE. 124 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:15,500 I CAN'T LOSE WEIGHT, BUTTERS, 125 00:04:15,510 --> 00:04:17,250 BECAUSE I'M NOT FAT, I'M BIG BONED. 126 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:18,970 YOU CAN'T SLIM DOWN BONES, STUPID. 127 00:04:18,980 --> 00:04:20,720 BUT BUTTERS ISN'T FAT. 128 00:04:20,710 --> 00:04:21,140 THAT'S MY WHOLE POINT. 129 00:04:21,140 --> 00:04:23,310 FIRST, WE FATTEN HIM UP. 130 00:04:23,310 --> 00:04:24,610 THEN WE MAKE THE DEAL WITH CITY WOK. 131 00:04:24,610 --> 00:04:26,350 THEN, TAKE THE WEIGHT BACK OFF. 132 00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:28,080 HE'S RIGHT-- IF BUTTERS IS NATURALLY SKINNY, 133 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:29,820 HE'LL BE ABLE TO TAKE THE WEIGHT OFF FASTER. 134 00:04:29,820 --> 00:04:30,690 BUT FELLAS, 135 00:04:30,690 --> 00:04:31,990 IF I GET FAT MY PARENTS WILL GROUND ME. 136 00:04:31,990 --> 00:04:32,850 OH, COME ON, JUST THINK ABOUT HOW FAMOUS YOU'LL BE. 137 00:04:32,860 --> 00:04:35,030 YOU MEAN LIKE JARED ? 138 00:04:35,020 --> 00:04:36,320 SURE, DUDE, YOU'LL BE JUST LIKE JARED. 139 00:04:36,330 --> 00:04:37,640 WELL, THE HECK WITH THAT, 140 00:04:37,630 --> 00:04:38,490 YOU SAID JARED WAS A PENIS-BUTT. 141 00:04:38,490 --> 00:04:39,360 YOU WOULDN'T BE A PENIS-BUTT, BUTTERS, 142 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,530 YOU'D BE FAMOUS. 143 00:04:41,530 --> 00:04:42,830 JUST THINK ABOUT ALL THOSE PEOPLE FOLLOWING YOU AROUND, 144 00:04:42,830 --> 00:04:44,570 SINGING SONGS TO YOU JUST 'CAUSE YOU LOST SOME WEIGHT. 145 00:04:44,570 --> 00:04:45,870 ♪ HIS NAME IS BUTTERS IT'S BUTTERS ♪ 146 00:04:45,870 --> 00:04:47,600 ♪ USED TO BE FAT BUT NOT NO MORE ♪ 147 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:50,200 ♪ CITY WOK BROUGHT HIM DOWN TO A SIZE FOUR ♪ 148 00:04:50,210 --> 00:04:52,820 ♪ NOW HE'S GOT LOTS OF MONEYS AND GIRLS ♪ 149 00:04:52,810 --> 00:04:55,840 ♪ AND A LIFETIME OF FREE FOOD AT CITY WOK ♪ 150 00:04:55,850 --> 00:04:57,590 WOW. 151 00:04:57,580 --> 00:05:00,180 CHRISTINE, YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH 152 00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:02,350 AND I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE WEDDING. 153 00:05:02,350 --> 00:05:03,650 I LOVE YOU TOO, JARED. 154 00:05:03,650 --> 00:05:04,950 YOU CHANGED MY WHOLE LIFE. 155 00:05:04,950 --> 00:05:06,250 ♪ HER NAME IS DONEZ CHRISTINE DONEZ ♪ 156 00:05:06,260 --> 00:05:08,000 ♪ SHE LOST 40 POUNDS WHEN SHE MET JARED AND-- ♪ 157 00:05:07,990 --> 00:05:10,160 I KNOW, I KNOW. 158 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:11,890 BUT, AH, SOME YOUNG BOYS WERE TALKING TO ME EARLIER 159 00:05:11,890 --> 00:05:14,500 AND THEY MADE ME THINK THAT PEOPLE MIGHT NOT BE SO PROUD 160 00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:17,100 OF MY WEIGHT LOSS IF THEY KNEW SOMETHING. 161 00:05:17,100 --> 00:05:18,830 JARED, WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT ? 162 00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:21,880 CHRISTINE, THIS PROBABLY ISN'T GONNA MATTER TO YOU AT ALL, 163 00:05:21,870 --> 00:05:23,600 BUT I HAVE AIDES. 164 00:05:23,610 --> 00:05:24,920 WHAT ? 165 00:05:24,910 --> 00:05:25,770 YEAH, I HAVE AIDES. 166 00:05:25,780 --> 00:05:28,820 I'VE HAD AIDES SINCE BEFORE WE WERE TOGETHER. 167 00:05:28,810 --> 00:05:31,850 WHAT, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING, ARE YOU BUMMED ? 168 00:05:31,850 --> 00:05:33,580 AM I BUMMED ? 169 00:05:33,580 --> 00:05:35,320 YOU'VE HAD AIDS ALL THIS TIME AND YOU KNEW IT ? 170 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:36,620 WELL, OF COURSE I KNEW IT. 171 00:05:36,620 --> 00:05:38,350 WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T YOU TELL ME ? 172 00:05:38,350 --> 00:05:39,650 I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS THAT BIG OF A DEAL. 173 00:05:39,660 --> 00:05:40,970 NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL ?! 174 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,260 I SLEPT WITH YOU ! 175 00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:43,560 AREN'T YOU OVERREACTING A LITTLE BIT ? 176 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,730 BUT JESUS CHRIST, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED. 177 00:05:45,730 --> 00:05:47,030 WE CAN STILL GET MARRIED, CHRISTINE. 178 00:05:47,030 --> 00:05:48,330 I MEAN, SURE, THEY'RE MY AIDES NOW, 179 00:05:48,330 --> 00:05:51,370 BUT AFTER WE GET MARRIED, THEY'LL BE OUR AIDES. 180 00:05:52,670 --> 00:05:53,970 YOU'LL LOVE HAVING AIDES, CHRISTINE, YOU REALLY WILL. 181 00:05:53,970 --> 00:05:56,570 AND WHEN WE HAVE CHILDREN, THEY'LL HAVE AIDES. 182 00:05:56,570 --> 00:05:58,310 IT WILL MAKE THINGS SO SIMPLE. 183 00:05:59,180 --> 00:06:00,050 CHRISTINE ! 184 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:03,080 JEEZ, THOSE BOYS WERE RIGHT. 185 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:04,810 PEOPLE REALLY DON'T LIKE AIDES. 186 00:06:04,810 --> 00:06:06,550 I BETTER TELL EVERYONE THE TRUTH. 187 00:06:07,850 --> 00:06:09,150 HELLO THERE, CHILDREN. 188 00:06:09,150 --> 00:06:11,320 CHEF, WE NEED BUTTERS TO GAIN ABOUT 50 POUNDS, FAST. 189 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:12,190 50 POUNDS, WHY ? 190 00:06:12,190 --> 00:06:14,360 AH, SCHOOL PROJECT. 191 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,960 WELL, IF YOU WANT HIM TO GET REALLY FAT AS FAST AS POSSIBLE, 192 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,130 ONE OF YOU WILL HAVE TO MARRY HIM. 193 00:06:19,130 --> 00:06:20,860 MARRY HIM ? 194 00:06:20,860 --> 00:06:23,030 IT DEFINITELY WORKED FOR EVERY WOMAN I EVER MET. 195 00:06:23,030 --> 00:06:25,630 OH, NO NO NO-- I AIN'T GETTING MARRIED, 196 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:26,510 MY PARENTS WILL GROUND ME. 197 00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:28,240 YEAH, NONE OF US WANT TO MARRY BUTTERS. 198 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:29,970 HOW COME, WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME ? 199 00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:32,140 WELL, I GUESS WE OUGHTTA DO THIS THE OLD FASHION WAY. 200 00:06:32,140 --> 00:06:34,310 COME ON BACK, CHILDREN. 201 00:06:36,050 --> 00:06:39,090 I CAN'T EAT NO MORE. 202 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:40,380 YOU HAVE TO. 203 00:06:40,380 --> 00:06:41,680 HERE, HAVE SOME MORE MAYONNAISE. 204 00:06:42,550 --> 00:06:43,850 CHEF, WE NEED MORE FOOD. 205 00:06:43,850 --> 00:06:45,150 I'M RUNNING OUT, CHILDREN. 206 00:06:45,150 --> 00:06:46,890 DAMN IT, BUTTERS, KEEP EATING 207 00:06:46,890 --> 00:06:50,360 OR ELSE I'LL KICK YOUR ASS 'TIL YOU'RE DEADER THAN KENNY ! 208 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:51,230 DUDE, THAT ISN'T COOL. 209 00:06:51,230 --> 00:06:52,960 YOU SHOULDN'T JOKE ABOUT KENNY BEING DEAD. 210 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:53,830 ENOUGH TIME HASN'T PASSED. 211 00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,130 SO HOW LONG UNTIL WE CAN JOKE ABOUT IT ? 212 00:06:55,130 --> 00:06:56,430 22.3 YEARS. 213 00:06:56,430 --> 00:06:58,170 THAT'S HOW LONG IT TAKES FOR SOMETHING TRAGIC TO BE FUNNY. 214 00:06:58,170 --> 00:06:59,030 THAT'S A LONG TIME TO WAIT. 215 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:01,650 I CAN'T EAT NO MORE. 216 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:03,810 I JUST KEEP PUKING IT UP. 217 00:07:03,810 --> 00:07:04,240 THEN EAT YOUR PUKE. 218 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:05,970 NO ! 219 00:07:05,980 --> 00:07:08,590 OH, COME ON, JAPANESE GIRLS DO IT. 220 00:07:10,310 --> 00:07:12,050 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE AT SUBWAY ARE HAPPY TO INFORM YOU 221 00:07:12,050 --> 00:07:15,520 THAT JARED HAS ELECTED TO STAY IN SOUTH PARK 222 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:18,550 IN ORDER TO SPEAK TO YOU ONCE AGAIN ! 223 00:07:18,550 --> 00:07:21,160 HE'S GOING TO SPEAK TO US ONCE AGAIN. 224 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:24,190 SO HERE HE IS... JARED ! 225 00:07:24,190 --> 00:07:25,930 ♪ HE'S STILL LOOKING GOOD ♪ 226 00:07:25,930 --> 00:07:30,260 ♪ EATING THEM SANDWICHES ALL THE TIME ♪ 227 00:07:30,270 --> 00:07:32,010 THANK YOU, THANK YOU ALL. 228 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:35,900 SUBWAY IS A HEALTHY WAY TO EAT FAST FOOD AND LOSE WEIGHT ! 229 00:07:35,910 --> 00:07:37,650 ALL RIGHT ! 230 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:39,370 BUT, I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO 231 00:07:39,380 --> 00:07:41,550 COME A LITTLE CLEAN ABOUT SOMETHING. 232 00:07:41,540 --> 00:07:45,010 IT WASN'T JUST SUBWAY SANDWICHES THAT MADE ME THIN. 233 00:07:45,010 --> 00:07:47,180 HUH ? 234 00:07:47,180 --> 00:07:50,220 THE REASON WHY I WAS ABLE TO LOSE SO MUCH WEIGHT, SO QUICKLY, 235 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:54,990 WAS THAT I GOT AIDES. 236 00:07:54,990 --> 00:07:56,290 DID HE SAY AIDS ? 237 00:07:56,290 --> 00:07:58,030 BUT I STILL WANT TO BE THE LEADER IN A THINNER AMERICA, 238 00:07:58,030 --> 00:07:59,330 AND SO I'M HERE TO TELL YOU 239 00:07:59,330 --> 00:08:02,360 THAT YOU SHOULD ALL GO OUT AND GET AIDES ! 240 00:08:02,370 --> 00:08:03,240 OH MY GOD. 241 00:08:03,230 --> 00:08:04,530 IS HE SERIOUS ? 242 00:08:04,530 --> 00:08:05,830 HAVING AIDES IS AWESOME ! 243 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:08,880 WITH AIDES YOU CAN LITERALLY WATCH THE FAT MELT AWAY. 244 00:08:08,870 --> 00:08:12,340 AND WITH THE PROPER MIX OF AIDES AND SUBWAY SANDWICHES 245 00:08:12,340 --> 00:08:14,510 ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. 246 00:08:14,510 --> 00:08:16,680 AH, THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED BY MR. FOGLE 247 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,710 ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF THE SUBWAY COMPANY. 248 00:08:23,050 --> 00:08:26,090 WOW ! HE LOOKS GREAT. 249 00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:27,390 HOW DO YOU FEEL, BUTTERS ? 250 00:08:27,390 --> 00:08:28,260 WELL, KIND OF LIKE CARTMAN. 251 00:08:28,260 --> 00:08:29,120 OW ! 252 00:08:29,130 --> 00:08:31,300 GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF, MAN. 253 00:08:31,290 --> 00:08:33,460 ALL RIGHT, NOW IT'S TIME FOR PHASE TWO. 254 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:36,500 WELCOME TO CHITTY WOK. 255 00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:38,670 WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY CHITTY CHICKEN TODAY ? 256 00:08:38,670 --> 00:08:39,530 SIR, WE HAVE COME TO OFFER YOU 257 00:08:39,540 --> 00:08:41,280 THE BUSINESS DEAL OF A LIFETIME. 258 00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:43,440 YOU WANT THE CHITTY BEEF ? 259 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:44,740 NO, WE WANT TO SHOW THE WORLD HOW HEALTHY YOUR FOOD IS. 260 00:08:44,740 --> 00:08:47,780 OUR FAT FRIEND HERE IS GOING TO LOSE 40 POUNDS 261 00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:48,640 EATING AT CHITTY WOK. 262 00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:50,810 WHICH ONE ? I SEE TWO FAT FRIEND. 263 00:08:50,810 --> 00:08:52,110 THE FAT ONE. 264 00:08:52,110 --> 00:08:53,850 WE'RE GONNA TAKE BEFORE-AND-AFTER PHOTOS. 265 00:08:53,850 --> 00:08:55,150 AND THEN WHEN HE GETS SKINNY FROM EATING YOUR FOOD 266 00:08:55,150 --> 00:08:56,450 WE'LL SHOW THE WORLD. 267 00:08:56,450 --> 00:08:58,620 WHY ? 268 00:08:58,620 --> 00:08:59,490 BECAUSE THEN YOU CAN PAY US 269 00:08:59,490 --> 00:09:01,220 TO USE OUR FRIEND IN COMMERCIALS. 270 00:09:01,220 --> 00:09:03,390 OH, YOU MEAN LIKE JARED ? 271 00:09:03,390 --> 00:09:04,690 JUST LIKE JARED. 272 00:09:04,690 --> 00:09:06,860 ♪ HIS NAME IS JARED HE LOSE SOME WEIGHT ♪ 273 00:09:06,860 --> 00:09:09,030 ♪ CHITTY WOK FOOD SURE IS GREAT ♪ 274 00:09:09,030 --> 00:09:10,770 YEAH, OKAY, THAT SOUND GOOD. 275 00:09:10,770 --> 00:09:12,070 SO IF HE LOSE WEIGHT EATING CHITTY WOK 276 00:09:12,070 --> 00:09:14,240 I PAY YOU TO USE HIM IN COMMERCIAL. 277 00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:15,540 ALL RIGHT ! ALL RIGHT ! 278 00:09:15,540 --> 00:09:18,140 SIR, WE ARE IN BUSINESS. 279 00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:19,440 JARED, FIRST OF ALL 280 00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:21,610 WE WANT TO SAY THAT ALL OF US HERE AT SUBWAY 281 00:09:21,610 --> 00:09:23,780 APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE FOR OUR COMPANY. 282 00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:25,950 WELL, I APPRECIATE YOUR COMPANY DOING EVERYTHING 283 00:09:25,950 --> 00:09:26,380 IT'S DONE FOR ME. 284 00:09:26,380 --> 00:09:28,120 YES, WELL, IT IS NOW THE OPINION 285 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:31,150 OF ALL OF US THAT PERHAPS IT WOULD BE BEST FOR YOU 286 00:09:31,150 --> 00:09:32,450 TO TAKE YOUR... 287 00:09:32,460 --> 00:09:35,930 STRANGE THEORIES ON WEIGHT LOSS ELSEWHERE. 288 00:09:35,930 --> 00:09:39,840 EXCUSE ME... AM I BEING FIRED ? 289 00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:43,300 JARED, IT'S JUST THAT YOUR NEW TAKE ON WEIGHT LOSS 290 00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:45,900 IS CONTRARY TO OUR COMMITMENT TO GOOD HEALTH. 291 00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:47,200 HOW SO ? 292 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:49,370 WELL, YOUR NEW SLOGAN FOR INSTANCE. 293 00:09:49,370 --> 00:09:51,540 "WHEN IT COMES TO FITNESS 294 00:09:51,540 --> 00:09:54,140 SUBWAY GOES HAND IN HAND WITH AIDES." 295 00:09:54,140 --> 00:09:56,740 UH-HUH. 296 00:09:58,910 --> 00:10:02,820 ♪ HIS NAME IS JARED HE'S JARED, LOST WEIGHT ♪ 297 00:10:02,820 --> 00:10:04,990 ♪ EATING SUBWAY ♪ 298 00:10:04,990 --> 00:10:06,290 ♪ NOW HE'S COLD AND ALONE ♪ 299 00:10:06,290 --> 00:10:09,320 ♪ NO ONE TO CALL HIS HOME ♪ 300 00:10:09,330 --> 00:10:11,070 ♪ HE LIKES SANDWICHES IN PHILADELPHIA ♪ 301 00:10:11,060 --> 00:10:13,660 ♪ WITH CREAM CHEESE ♪ 302 00:10:13,660 --> 00:10:16,700 COME ON, BUTTERS YOU GOTTA GET SKINNY AGAIN ! 303 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,000 YOU ARE SUCH A FLABBY HUNK OF CRAP ! 304 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,170 LOOK AT THOSE JELLY ROLLS. 305 00:10:20,170 --> 00:10:21,900 JELLY ROLLS, I TELL YA ! 306 00:10:21,900 --> 00:10:23,200 YOU STILL GOT SEVEN CHINS, BOY ! 307 00:10:23,210 --> 00:10:25,380 YOU'LL NEVER BE THIN. NOBODY LOVES YOU ! 308 00:10:25,370 --> 00:10:26,240 HEY NOW, THEY DO, TOO. 309 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,840 MY MOM AND DAD LOVE ME EVEN IF I AM FAT. 310 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:30,140 BUTTERS, I'M JUST TRYING TO OFFER 311 00:10:30,150 --> 00:10:31,890 SOME MOTIVATIONAL HELP HERE. 312 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:32,750 ALL RIGHT THEN. 313 00:10:32,750 --> 00:10:33,610 ROW, YOU FAT BITCH ! 314 00:10:33,620 --> 00:10:35,360 LOOK AT THEM JELLY ROLLS ! 315 00:10:35,350 --> 00:10:36,220 NOBODY LOVES YOU ! 316 00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:37,950 YOU'RE NOT EVEN A PERSON ! 317 00:10:37,950 --> 00:10:40,550 I NEVER ASKED TO BE FAMOUS. 318 00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:41,870 NOW EVERYONE HATES ME. 319 00:10:41,860 --> 00:10:44,460 I ALMOST WISH I'D NEVER GOTTEN AIDES ! 320 00:10:44,460 --> 00:10:45,760 HEY, NOW COME ON. 321 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:47,060 WHAT KIND OF TALK IS THAT ? 322 00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:48,800 I'M SORRY, GUYS, 323 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:50,970 BUT I THINK I WANT TO BE AIDES-FREE FOR A WHILE. 324 00:10:50,970 --> 00:10:52,270 COME ON, JARED, LIGHTEN UP. 325 00:10:52,270 --> 00:10:53,570 PEOPLE DON'T HATE YOU. 326 00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:55,300 YEAH, MAYBE THEY'RE ALL JUST JEALOUS 327 00:10:55,300 --> 00:10:57,470 THAT THEY CAN'T AFFORD TO HIRE THEIR OWN AIDES. 328 00:10:57,470 --> 00:11:00,070 WAIT A MINUTE, YOU'RE RIGHT. 329 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:01,820 YEAH ! 330 00:11:01,810 --> 00:11:03,980 I THINK I KNOW HOW TO BE A CELEBRITY AGAIN. 331 00:11:03,980 --> 00:11:06,150 DID YOU BRING THE CAMERA ? 332 00:11:06,150 --> 00:11:07,880 YEAH, WE'RE ALL SET. 333 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:09,180 GUYS, I THINK THIS MIGHT BE A GOOD TIME TO DISCUSS BUSINESS. 334 00:11:09,190 --> 00:11:10,930 WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? 335 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,650 WELL, WHEN CITY WOK SEES HOW SKINNY BUTTERS IS 336 00:11:12,660 --> 00:11:14,400 THEY'RE NOT GONNA WANT HIM TO JUST MAKE ONE COMMERCIAL, 337 00:11:14,390 --> 00:11:15,690 THEY'RE GONNA WANT SEVERAL. 338 00:11:15,690 --> 00:11:16,990 THAT'S TRUE, JARED DID LIKE 100 FOR SUBWAY SANDWICHES. 339 00:11:16,990 --> 00:11:19,160 I THINK WE'RE LOOKING AT A NONEXCLUSIVE 340 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:20,460 TWO-YEAR, 50-PICTURE DEAL HERE. 341 00:11:20,460 --> 00:11:23,060 MY CALCULATIONS PUT THAT AT ABOUT $4 MILLION. 342 00:11:23,070 --> 00:11:23,940 WOW ! 343 00:11:23,930 --> 00:11:26,100 NOW, I THINK THE FOUR MILLION 344 00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:27,400 SHOULD BE SPLIT EVENLY AMONG THE THREE OF US. 345 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:30,000 EXCEPT THAT I SHOULD GET A 20% PER NEGATION FEE 346 00:11:30,010 --> 00:11:31,750 OFF THE GROSS FOR HAVING COME UP WITH THE IDEA. 347 00:11:31,740 --> 00:11:32,610 HEY, FELLAS. 348 00:11:32,610 --> 00:11:33,470 BUTTERS, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ?! 349 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:34,790 YEAH, YOU'RE STILL FAT ! 350 00:11:34,780 --> 00:11:36,080 I KNOW, I CAN'T SEEM TO LOSE IT. 351 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:38,250 BUT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO SHOOT YOUR COMMERCIAL FOR CITY WOK TODAY, 352 00:11:38,250 --> 00:11:39,550 YOU FAT PIECE OF CRAP ! 353 00:11:39,550 --> 00:11:41,280 WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU. 354 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:42,580 LOSING WEIGHT IS HARDER THAN PUTTING IT ON. 355 00:11:42,590 --> 00:11:43,890 NO, IT ISN'T, STUPID BLUBBER BUTT ! 356 00:11:43,890 --> 00:11:46,930 DID YOU EAT ONLY ONE OUNCE OF CITY WOK A DAY 357 00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:47,790 LIKE WE TOLD YOU ? 358 00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:49,520 WELL, YEAH, BUT I DON'T KNOW. 359 00:11:49,530 --> 00:11:51,700 WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US ? 360 00:11:51,690 --> 00:11:53,860 ALL PREPARED FOR LIPOSUCTION SURGERY. 361 00:11:53,860 --> 00:11:55,160 CHECK. 362 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:56,460 I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS, FELLAS. 363 00:11:56,470 --> 00:11:57,780 HEY, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT SCREWED US 364 00:11:57,770 --> 00:11:59,070 BY NOT LOSING WEIGHT, BUTTERS. 365 00:11:59,070 --> 00:12:00,800 OKAY, IT SAYS HERE THE OPERATION BEGINS 366 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,540 WITH A ONE-INCH INCISION IN THE ABDOMEN 367 00:12:02,540 --> 00:12:05,140 ON THE LEFT SIDE JUST ABOVE THE HIP. 368 00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:07,310 SO THAT'S, RIGHT ABOUT HERE. 369 00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:08,610 WHOA ! 370 00:12:08,610 --> 00:12:09,480 STOP YOUR BITCHING, BUTTERS ! 371 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:10,340 GOD, KENNY WOULD'VE TOOK IT LIKE A MAN ! 372 00:12:10,350 --> 00:12:12,090 OKAY NOW, PUT ONE END OF THE TUBE 373 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:13,810 A HALF AN INCH INTO THE INCISION. 374 00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,560 ALRIGHTY. 375 00:12:15,550 --> 00:12:17,280 WHOA, I THINK THIS IS A BAD IDEA, FELLAS. 376 00:12:17,290 --> 00:12:19,030 I FEEL WOOZY. 377 00:12:19,020 --> 00:12:19,450 I THINK IT'S IN. 378 00:12:19,460 --> 00:12:21,200 THE LIPOSUCTION IS A PROCESS 379 00:12:21,190 --> 00:12:22,920 OF SIPHONING OUT THE EXCESS FAT. 380 00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:31,170 THERE IT GOES. 381 00:12:31,170 --> 00:12:32,900 ALL RIGHT, IT'S WORKING. 382 00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:35,940 OH MAN, IT TASTE LIKE THAT CREAMED CHIP BEEF STUFF 383 00:12:35,940 --> 00:12:37,240 THAT CHEF MAKES SOMETIMES. 384 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:38,970 UH, FELLAS, I DON'T FEEL VERY GOOD. 385 00:12:38,970 --> 00:12:40,710 SHUT UP, BUTTERS, THIS IS YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT. 386 00:12:40,710 --> 00:12:42,010 EVERYTHING'S GETTING DARK. 387 00:12:42,010 --> 00:12:44,180 WE GOTTA HURRY THIS UP. 388 00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:46,350 YEAH, KEEP DOING THAT, THAT'S WORKING GOOD. 389 00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:47,650 HE'S LOSING WEIGHT. 390 00:12:47,650 --> 00:12:48,080 WHOA, WHOA ! 391 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:50,250 HE'S OUT OF CONTROL ! 392 00:12:50,250 --> 00:12:52,420 EVERYTHING'S GETTING SPARKLY. 393 00:12:52,420 --> 00:12:54,160 OH NO, DUDE, BUTTERS' PARENTS ARE HOME. 394 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:55,020 OH CRAP ! 395 00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:58,060 DUDE, BAIL ! 396 00:12:58,060 --> 00:12:59,790 BUTTERS ? BUTTERS ! 397 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,110 MOM, DAD. 398 00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:03,700 BUTTERS, ARE YOU HAVING LIPOSUCTION SURGERY ? 399 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,000 TELL ME THE TRUTH. 400 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:05,870 YES, SIR. 401 00:13:05,870 --> 00:13:07,600 THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE ! 402 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:08,470 HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE TOLD YOU NEVER TO HAVE 403 00:13:08,470 --> 00:13:10,640 SELF-PERFORMED LIPOSUCTION SURGERY IN OUR HOUSE ? 404 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:11,510 FOUR TIMES, MOM. 405 00:13:11,510 --> 00:13:13,240 WELL, I GUESS THAT WASN'T ENOUGH. 406 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:14,980 YOU GET UP TO YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW, MISTER. 407 00:13:14,980 --> 00:13:17,140 YES, SIR. 408 00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:21,920 OH, DON'T YOU GIVE US THAT LOOK, YOUNG MAN, 409 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:24,080 YOU'RE GONNA GET IT ! 410 00:13:24,950 --> 00:13:26,890 TOM, I'M STANDING OUT FRONT OF THE MAYOR'S OFFICE 411 00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:29,920 WHERE THE BIG LIAR, JARED IS ONCE AGAIN ABOUT TO SPEAK. 412 00:13:29,930 --> 00:13:32,970 APPARENTLY, JARED HOPES TO REGAIN HIS CELEBRITY HERO STATUS 413 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:36,430 WHICH WAS LOST WHEN HE ANNOUNCED THAT IT WAS AIDS, 414 00:13:36,430 --> 00:13:39,030 NOT SUB SANDWICHES, THAT CAUSED HIM TO LOSE WEIGHT. 415 00:13:39,030 --> 00:13:40,330 LET'S LISTEN IN. 416 00:13:40,340 --> 00:13:42,510 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AT FIRST I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND 417 00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:44,240 WHY YOU FELT BETRAYED BY THE FACT 418 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,410 THAT MY AIDES HELPED ME TO LOSE WEIGHT. 419 00:13:46,410 --> 00:13:48,580 BUT NOW I UNDERSTAND THAT IT'S BECAUSE ISN'T FAIR 420 00:13:48,580 --> 00:13:51,180 THAT I HAD AIDES AND MOST OF YOU DON'T. 421 00:13:51,180 --> 00:13:53,780 AND SO, WITH ALL THE MONEY I MADE FROM COMMERCIALS 422 00:13:53,780 --> 00:13:55,950 I'VE DECIDED TO START 423 00:13:55,950 --> 00:13:59,850 THE "AIDES FOR EVERYONE FOUNDATION". 424 00:13:59,860 --> 00:14:01,170 WHAT ?! 425 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,320 I AM GOING TO PERSONALLY SEE TO IT 426 00:14:03,330 --> 00:14:08,110 THAT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU GETS AIDES. 427 00:14:08,100 --> 00:14:09,830 THIS GUY'S INSANE. 428 00:14:09,830 --> 00:14:11,570 BUT I WON'T STOP THERE. 429 00:14:11,570 --> 00:14:12,870 I'M GONNA SEEK OUT ALL THE UNDERPRIVILEGED 430 00:14:12,870 --> 00:14:15,470 AND HUNGRY CHILDREN OF THE WORLD, 431 00:14:15,470 --> 00:14:18,940 AND I'M GOING TO GIVE THEM AIDES MYSELF ! 432 00:14:18,940 --> 00:14:21,110 YOU'RE GONNA GIVE CHILDREN AIDS ? 433 00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:23,710 YES, IT IS MY HOPE THAT EVERY BEAUTIFUL CHILD ON THIS EARTH 434 00:14:23,710 --> 00:14:25,450 HAS AIDES BY NEXT MONTH. 435 00:14:25,450 --> 00:14:27,620 AIDES FOR EVERYONE ! 436 00:14:29,790 --> 00:14:31,100 GET HIM ! 437 00:14:36,290 --> 00:14:37,590 COME ON, BUTTERS, TIME TO GO. 438 00:14:37,590 --> 00:14:38,890 GO WHERE ? 439 00:14:38,890 --> 00:14:40,190 TO CITY WOK, SO WE CAN MAKE OUR MONEY-- GOD ! 440 00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:41,510 I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE, FELLAS. 441 00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:42,800 I'VE BEEN GROUNDED FOR HAVING LIPOSUCTION SURGERY. 442 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,970 WHAT ? 443 00:14:44,970 --> 00:14:46,700 I TOLD YOU MY PARENTS WOULD BE SORE. 444 00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:48,440 AND THEY SAID FOR HAVING LIPOSUCTION SURGERY 445 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,600 I CAN'T BE OUTSIDE FOR FIVE DAYS. 446 00:14:50,610 --> 00:14:52,350 DUDE, WE JUST NEED YOU TO COME DOWN TO CITY WOK REAL QUICK 447 00:14:52,340 --> 00:14:53,640 SO THEY CAN SEE HOW SKINNY YOU ARE. 448 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:55,810 YOU GUYS ALREADY GOT ME IN DUTCH FOR BEING FAT. 449 00:14:55,810 --> 00:14:57,980 AND THEN I GOT IN DOUBLE DUTCH FOR HAVING LIPOSUCTION. 450 00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:00,580 AND NOW YOU'RE ASKING ME TO BE IN TRIPLE DUTCH ? 451 00:15:00,580 --> 00:15:02,750 UNH-UH, I'LL NEVER BE THAT DUTCH. 452 00:15:02,750 --> 00:15:04,920 KENNY WOULD'VE DONE IT. 453 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:05,790 YUP. 454 00:15:05,790 --> 00:15:07,960 YOU GUYS REMEMBER WHAT A COOL FRIEND KENNY WAS ? 455 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,120 GOD, HE WAS ALWAYS UP FOR HELPING US OUT. 456 00:15:10,130 --> 00:15:11,000 MAN, HE WAS THE BEST FRIEND EVER. 457 00:15:10,990 --> 00:15:13,160 LOOK, FELLAS, I CAN'T DO IT. 458 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:15,330 MY MOM AND DAD CALL IN EVERY HOUR FROM WORK 459 00:15:15,330 --> 00:15:16,630 TO MAKE SURE I'M HERE. 460 00:15:16,630 --> 00:15:19,670 IF I DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE THEY'LL KNOW I'M UP TO NO GOOD. 461 00:15:19,670 --> 00:15:20,970 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. 462 00:15:20,970 --> 00:15:22,270 I'LL STAY HERE AND ANSWER THE PHONE FOR YOU. 463 00:15:22,270 --> 00:15:23,570 BUT YOU DON'T SOUND LIKE ME. 464 00:15:23,570 --> 00:15:24,870 "BUT YOU DON'T SOUND LIKE ME. 465 00:15:24,870 --> 00:15:26,170 "MY NAME IS BUTTERS, AND I'M A LITTLE PUSSY 466 00:15:26,180 --> 00:15:27,920 WHO WON'T HELP HIS FRIENDS MAKE MONEY." 467 00:15:27,910 --> 00:15:30,080 WOW, THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD. 468 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:31,810 ALL RIGHT, IT'S SETTLED, COME ON, BUTTERS. 469 00:15:31,810 --> 00:15:33,980 DON'T FORGET, A THIRD OF THAT $4 MILLION IS MINE. 470 00:15:44,390 --> 00:15:46,130 WELL, HELLO. 471 00:15:46,130 --> 00:15:46,990 I'M JUST CHECKING IN ON YOU, BUTTERS. 472 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,610 DO I HEAR THE TELEVISION ? 473 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,330 WE TOLD YOU, NO TELEVISION WHILE YOU'RE GROUNDED. 474 00:15:51,330 --> 00:15:53,070 OH, GEE WHIZ, I'M NOT WATCHING TELEVISION, DAD. 475 00:15:53,070 --> 00:15:55,240 I'M JUST LAYING AROUND JACKING IT. 476 00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:56,970 JACKING IT ? JACKING WHAT ? 477 00:15:56,970 --> 00:15:58,710 WELL, MY HOT SPICY BONER, OF COURSE, DAD. 478 00:15:58,710 --> 00:16:00,870 WHAT ?! ARE YOU TRYING TO GET YOURSELF IN MORE TROUBLE 479 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:02,190 WITH THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE ? 480 00:16:02,180 --> 00:16:03,910 LOOSEN UP, YOU BLOODY VAGINAL BELCH. 481 00:16:03,910 --> 00:16:06,080 OH, YOU ARE GONNA GET IT, MISTER. 482 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:06,950 YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET HOME ! 483 00:16:06,950 --> 00:16:09,980 BRING IT ON, QUEER BAIT. 484 00:16:09,990 --> 00:16:10,860 YES. 485 00:16:10,850 --> 00:16:14,760 I TELL MY GIRLFRIEND I HAVE AIDES AND SHE LEAVES. 486 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:16,920 I TELL THE WORLD TO GET AIDES AND THEY THINK I'M CRAZY. 487 00:16:16,930 --> 00:16:20,400 I OFFER TO GIVE AIDES TO KIDS AND EVERYONE WANTS ME DEAD. 488 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,570 WHAT'S WRONG WITH AIDES ? 489 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:26,030 WHY DOESN'T ANYONE WANT ME TO GIVE THEM AIDES ? 490 00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:30,800 THERE HE IS, BEATING THAT DEAD HORSE. 491 00:16:32,110 --> 00:16:34,270 AAH ! 492 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,890 WELCOME TO CHITTY WOK. TAKE YOUR ORDER, PLEASE. 493 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:38,180 WE HAVE GREAT NEWS. 494 00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:40,350 OUR FRIEND LOST 40 POUNDS EATING YOUR CITY WOK FOOD. 495 00:16:40,350 --> 00:16:42,520 HERE'S THE BEFORE- AND-AFTER PHOTOS. 496 00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:44,250 HE LOSE WEIGHT EATING CHITTY WOK ? 497 00:16:44,250 --> 00:16:45,550 THAT'S RIGHT. 498 00:16:45,550 --> 00:16:46,850 SO NOW YOU CAN PAY US TO USE HIM IN YOUR COMMERCIALS 499 00:16:46,860 --> 00:16:48,170 AND YOU'LL HAVE YOUR VERY OWN JARED. 500 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:49,460 OH, NO, NO WAY. 501 00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:52,060 I'M NOT PUTTING NO JARED IN MY CHITTY WOK COMMERCIAL. 502 00:16:52,060 --> 00:16:53,360 WHY NOT ? 503 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,530 DON'T YOU KNOW ? EVERYBODY HATE JARED. 504 00:16:55,530 --> 00:16:57,260 HE WANT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD TO HAVE AIDS. 505 00:16:57,270 --> 00:16:59,010 HE SICK IN THE HEAD. 506 00:16:59,000 --> 00:16:59,870 WHAT ? 507 00:16:59,870 --> 00:17:01,600 I DON'T WANT CHITTY WOK TO HAVE NOTHING TO DO 508 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:02,470 WITH JARED AND HIS AIDS. 509 00:17:02,470 --> 00:17:04,200 WAIT, EVERYONE HATES JARED NOW ? 510 00:17:04,210 --> 00:17:05,520 YEAH, THEY GONNA KILL HIM. 511 00:17:05,510 --> 00:17:07,670 THEY'RE GONNA KILL JARED DOWNTOWN RIGHT NOW. 512 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:10,720 AH ! COME ON, GUYS, WE GOTTA SORT THIS OUT. 513 00:17:10,710 --> 00:17:12,010 Here's some anthrax for ya ! 514 00:17:13,750 --> 00:17:15,050 HEH-HEH, HEH-HEH. 515 00:17:16,350 --> 00:17:18,090 Anthrax is giving me colon cancer. 516 00:17:18,090 --> 00:17:20,250 HELLO. 517 00:17:20,260 --> 00:17:21,570 BUTTERS, YOUR FATHER CALLED 518 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:23,720 AND SAID YOU MADE HIM VERY UPSET. 519 00:17:23,730 --> 00:17:25,900 YEAH, WELL, DAD'S BEING A LITTLE PUSSY, MOM. 520 00:17:25,890 --> 00:17:28,500 BUTTERS, WHERE DID YOU GET THAT KIND OF SMART MOUTH ? 521 00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:30,660 NOT FROM YOU DUMB-ASSES, THAT'S FOR SURE. 522 00:17:30,670 --> 00:17:31,980 OH, YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET HOME, MISTER ! 523 00:17:31,970 --> 00:17:34,570 I'LL BE WAITING WITH BELLS ON, 524 00:17:34,570 --> 00:17:35,870 YOU OLD HORSE-BANGING SKANK. 525 00:17:35,870 --> 00:17:39,770 Hey, that's some anthrax over there ! 526 00:17:46,650 --> 00:17:49,680 WHY DID I EVER DO THOSE STUPID COMMERCIALS ? 527 00:17:49,690 --> 00:17:51,430 ALL RIGHT, JARED, YOU SICK PERVERT, 528 00:17:51,420 --> 00:17:53,150 DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY BEFORE YOU DIE ? 529 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:54,900 WAIT ! 530 00:17:54,890 --> 00:17:56,190 YOU'RE ALL MAKING A MISTAKE ! 531 00:17:56,190 --> 00:17:57,490 STAY BACK, CHILDREN. 532 00:17:57,490 --> 00:17:58,790 JARED WANTS TO GIVE YOU AIDS. 533 00:17:58,790 --> 00:17:59,660 NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. 534 00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:01,400 JARED DOESN'T HAVE AIDS-AIDS, 535 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:02,700 HE HAS ASSISTANTS-- 536 00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:05,730 TWO GUYS THAT HELP HIM LOSE WEIGHT THAT HE CALLS HIS AIDES. 537 00:18:05,730 --> 00:18:07,030 HMM. OH. 538 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,210 YOU MEAN, JARED'S AIDES ARE LIKE MY AIDES ? 539 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,940 YES. 540 00:18:10,940 --> 00:18:13,110 YOU MEAN YOU ALL THOUGHT-- 541 00:18:13,110 --> 00:18:15,280 OH MY GOSH ! 542 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:16,140 OH BOY, DO I FEEL STUPID. 543 00:18:16,140 --> 00:18:18,750 WE'RE SO SORRY, JARED. 544 00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:20,050 NO, NO, IT WAS MY FAULT. 545 00:18:20,050 --> 00:18:22,650 I CAN'T BELIEVE I, I DIDN'T EVEN THINK WHAT I WAS SAYING. 546 00:18:22,650 --> 00:18:24,380 SO HE WAS SAYING 547 00:18:24,390 --> 00:18:26,130 CHILDREN SHOULD HAVE HELP LIKE HE HAD. 548 00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:27,860 YEAH. 549 00:18:27,860 --> 00:18:30,890 THIS HAS GOTTA BE ABOUT THE BIGGEST MISUNDERSTANDING EVER ! 550 00:18:32,190 --> 00:18:33,490 OH MY GOD. 551 00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:36,540 I TOLD MY GIRLFRIEND I WANTED HER TO SHARE MY AIDES. 552 00:18:36,530 --> 00:18:39,130 OH, NO WONDER SHE LEFT. 553 00:18:39,130 --> 00:18:42,170 CAN YOU IMAGINE... WHAT WE THOUGHT WHEN YOU SAID 554 00:18:42,170 --> 00:18:45,210 "AIDES FOR EVERYONE FOUNDATION" ? 555 00:18:45,210 --> 00:18:47,810 OH, BROTHER ! 556 00:18:47,810 --> 00:18:49,110 HEY. 557 00:18:49,110 --> 00:18:51,710 WE'RE ALL LAUGHING. 558 00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:55,180 OH HEY, YEAH, WE WOULD'VE NEVER LAUGHED ABOUT THIS BEFORE. 559 00:18:55,180 --> 00:18:56,920 WELL, DON'T YOU SEE WHAT THIS MEANS ? 560 00:18:56,920 --> 00:19:03,420 IT'S BEEN 22.3 YEARS, SO... AIDS IS FINALLY FUNNY. 561 00:19:03,430 --> 00:19:05,600 HE'S RIGHT, IT'S HAPPENED. 562 00:19:05,590 --> 00:19:08,630 HEY, EVERYBODY ! AIDS IS FINALLY FUNNY. 563 00:19:08,630 --> 00:19:09,930 ALL RIGHT ! 564 00:19:09,930 --> 00:19:11,670 WOO HOO, HOORAY ! 565 00:19:11,670 --> 00:19:12,970 I KNEW IT WOULD BE FUNNY ONE DAY. 566 00:19:12,970 --> 00:19:16,870 AIDS. 567 00:19:16,870 --> 00:19:17,740 THEN IT'S TIME. 568 00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:19,040 WE CAN UNDO THE BANNER. 569 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:21,640 OOH ! OHH ! 570 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:23,810 HOORAY ! 571 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,020 TOM, I'M STANDING IN THE TOWN SQUARE 572 00:19:29,020 --> 00:19:30,750 WHERE JUST MOMENTS AGO 573 00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:33,790 IT WAS DECLARED THAT AIDS CAN FINALLY BE JOKED ABOUT. 574 00:19:33,790 --> 00:19:35,960 WHAT A GREAT DAY FOR HUMANITY. 575 00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:38,130 AIDS QUILT. 576 00:19:38,130 --> 00:19:39,860 OH BOY, THIS FANTASTIC. 577 00:19:39,860 --> 00:19:41,600 I'M SO GLAD AIDS IS FUNNY NOW. 578 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:43,330 OKAY, SO NOW, YOU WANNA USE OUR FRIEND IN YOUR COMMERCIALS ? 579 00:19:43,330 --> 00:19:45,070 SURE, OKAY, I PAY YOU 15 "DORRAR". 580 00:19:45,070 --> 00:19:48,540 15 DORRAR ? BUT JARED GOT MILLIONS. 581 00:19:48,540 --> 00:19:49,840 HEY, I'M NOT SUBWAY, I CHITTY WOK. 582 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,870 CHITTY WOK DON'T HAVE MILLION DOLLARS. 583 00:19:52,870 --> 00:19:54,610 OH, GOD DAMN IT ! 584 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:55,040 OH, JUST FORGET THE WHOLE THING THEN. 585 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:57,210 OKAY. 586 00:19:57,210 --> 00:19:58,080 HEY, YOU KIDS KNOW WHY CHICKEN CROSS ROAD ? 587 00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:00,250 WHY ? 588 00:20:00,250 --> 00:20:01,550 'CAUSE IT HAD AIDS. 589 00:20:01,550 --> 00:20:04,150 AIDS SO FUNNY. 590 00:20:04,150 --> 00:20:06,750 WELL, SO MUCH FOR OUR MONEY. 591 00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,070 YEAH, BUT Y'KNOW, I LEARNED SOMETHING TODAY. 592 00:20:08,060 --> 00:20:10,660 IT WOULD'VE BEEN WRONG FOR US TO EXPLOIT BUTTERS' WEIGHT LOSS, 593 00:20:10,660 --> 00:20:12,390 BECAUSE THEN LOTS OF FAT PEOPLE WOULD'VE BELIEVED IT, 594 00:20:12,390 --> 00:20:13,260 AND THEN GONE AND EATEN A TON OF CHINESE FOOD 595 00:20:13,260 --> 00:20:15,430 INSTEAD OF DIETING PROPERLY. 596 00:20:15,430 --> 00:20:16,730 THEY'D STILL BE FAT, 597 00:20:16,730 --> 00:20:18,470 AND WE'D BE RESPONIBLE FOR THEIR SHATTERED DREAMS. 598 00:20:18,470 --> 00:20:20,200 YEAH, I DON'T THINK LIKE SHATTERING FAT PEOPLES' DREAMS. 599 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:22,370 BESIDES, I'D GET GROUNDED. 600 00:20:22,370 --> 00:20:24,100 OH JESUS, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE GROUNDED ! 601 00:20:27,140 --> 00:20:28,440 THERE YOU ARE, BUTTERS. 602 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:29,310 ARE MY MOM AND DAD BACK HOME YET ? 603 00:20:29,310 --> 00:20:31,040 NO, BUT THEY'RE DUE HOME ANY MINUTE. 604 00:20:31,050 --> 00:20:32,360 COME ON, YOU'RE JUST IN TIME. 605 00:20:32,350 --> 00:20:33,650 OH BOY ! 606 00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:35,380 MOM AND DAD DIDN'T FIND OUT I LEFT THE HOUSE, DID THEY ? 607 00:20:35,380 --> 00:20:36,680 NO, I TOTALLY COVERED FOR YOU. 608 00:20:36,690 --> 00:20:38,430 THEY COMPLETELY BELIEVED I WAS YOU ON THE PHONE. 609 00:20:38,420 --> 00:20:39,720 OH, GOODY ! 610 00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:41,460 HERE YOU GO, I DREW SOME PICTURES WITH CRAYON 611 00:20:41,460 --> 00:20:42,760 SO IT LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE HERE ALL DAY. 612 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:44,060 AND I ATE A LITTLE FOOD SO IT LOOKED LIKE YOU ATE. 613 00:20:44,060 --> 00:20:45,790 AND I FED YOUR CAT. PERFECT. 614 00:20:45,790 --> 00:20:47,090 ALL RIGHT, I BETTER GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE THEY GET BACK. 615 00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:49,710 HEY, ERIC. 616 00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:51,000 THANKS FOR COVERING FOR ME. 617 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,730 YOU'RE A REAL PAL. 618 00:20:52,730 --> 00:20:56,200 BUTTERS, IT WAS MY PLEASURE. 619 00:21:15,290 --> 00:21:16,590 HI, MOM AND DAD. 620 00:21:16,590 --> 00:21:19,190 DON'T YOU "HI, MOM AND DAD" US, YOU LITTLE PUNK ! 621 00:21:19,190 --> 00:21:20,930 OH DAD ! 622 00:21:20,930 --> 00:21:23,100 YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THE TROUBLE YOU'RE IN, MISTER ! 623 00:21:23,100 --> 00:21:23,960 WHAT I DO ? WHAT I DO ? 624 00:21:23,970 --> 00:21:26,580 YOU THINK YOU'RE TOUGH NOW ? 625 00:21:26,570 --> 00:21:27,870 ANSWER ME ! 626 00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:29,600 OH MAN, IF I WAS OLDER 627 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,340 I WOULD TOTALLY START JACKING OFF RIGHT NOW. 42923

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