Original subtitles

Aren't you going to kiss me goodbye?

Goodbye, Bill.

Excuse me, sir. Hola, danke schön. Como estas?

My name's Bill. I have a reservation.

Oh, no siree.

Hotel's all booked up. Filled to the gills. See you on the flip side, Clyde.

Okay, but I have a reservation. My name's Bill. No Bill.

No room in la hotel.

Mi credo corazón.

Danke schön.

Obviously, there's some sort of misunderstanding or language barrier.

I have a reservation bill.

Excusez, por favor.

Bill.

Hola.

No.

Danke.

Good news, Clyde.

Cancellation. Just sign on the dotted line.

Right here. Dotted line. Yeah.

Room.

Bill. My name's Bill.

See you on the flip side, Clyde.

Okay. Thank you.

Do you have a key?

Key. Bill.

Bill. Right.

Bill.

Thank you. Room three. Three. Yeah, three.

Thanks I'll get my own bag

Bye.

That's a cat.

Hmm.

I know.

Oh,

wow.

Bye.

I love you.

I love you.

Oh.

Oh my god, are you okay?

Are you okay?

Sir, are you okay?

Hello?

Are you okay?

Who are you?

I'm Carmen, and this is my room.

What? What are you talking about?

I came late, and they gave my reservation to you, but it's supposed to

Sorry.

Wait a minute.

Why did you get in here? So I came late last night and saw you sleeping.

You looked so peaceful, I didn't want to wake you.

But you're going to have to go now.

Sorry. But I already... I let you stay the night, and that's

all I'm going to do.

Excuse me, sir. Hola.

I would like a new room, please.

Por qué?

Because apparently the room that you gave me, room three,

was not yours to give.

Therefore, I require a new room, please.

That is a tricky pickle.

What do you mean? What it means is there's a woman in my room who claims

is her room.

She kicked me out of my room. Her room. The room.

Therefore, I'm going to need another room.

Please?

No, sirree, Bobby.

No woman's been through here.

Yes, there has.

There has been a woman.

And the woman has been through here.

Because you gave her... I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Don't mean to yell.

I'm a little jet lagged.

How could you please give me a room?

I swear, I did not give your room to no woman, no how.

So if she's up there, she's either a phantom or a liar.

God damn!

That's the woman.

Right there.

That woman right there is in your room? That's the woman right there.

And you're complaining?

Oh, my God.

Holy shit.

Hello?

I can't.

I can't.

Good stuff fine.

I'll split the room with you

Look what I got.

Huh?

I ordered it.

Don't worry. I'll pay for it. Come here. Have a seat. It's hilarious.

That's all right.

I think I'm going to go down to the restaurant. They have a nice smoked

on Thursday night.

In your jammies?

Come on, I promise I won't bite.

Besides, don't you think we should hang out together before we share a bed?

Do what now?

Shh, shh.

This is the best part.

Oh my god.

Oh my god. You're gonna make me squirt.

Oh, God.

Yeah, it's back to the tip.

Take it, take it all, take it.

No.

Oh yeah, this is so freaking funny.

Do you like that?

You like cookies?

I like cookies.

Isn't porno just the greatest?

Yeah.

Here, blow on my toes.

Do what now?

Just blow on them. I gotta go to the bathroom and I can't walk unless they're

dry.

I... Pretty please?

Sugar on top? Blow on my toesies?

Oh.

That's not so cool.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

It tickles.

Oh! Oh, God!

Not again.

Bill.

Bill.

Hello?

Bill?

Yes, ma 'am, yes.

I understand.

I understand, ma 'am, yes.

Thank you.

I'm gonna go down

Thank you.

Aren't you going to kiss me goodbye?

Kiss me goodbye.

Kiss me goodbye.

Oh no.

Thank you.

Hola, Senor Bill.

How's that hot chica in your hacienda, Holmes?

Don't you call her that.

She's a woman.

Not some hot chicken.

With a little respect.

Comprende?

Comprende, senor.

What a jerk.

What a jerk.

Does this mean you're not going to finish?

What am I, cruel?

I don't do blue balls, honey.

But from now on, you stick to me like a lady.

Comprende?

Comprende. Gracias.

I'm sorry.

Hmm.

Oh, God, I need help.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

uh

How's it hanging?

It's bragging.

Well, guess what?

I figured since we didn't have a chance to catch up last night, we could have a

little party. What do you say?

Sure. Well, without further ado, let's get our drink on.

It's like a tin drum.

Why you two?

Did we... Huh?

Last night, did we... I don't... I don't think so.

My clothes are still on.

Yeah.

And I don't feel anything wet down there.

Do you feel anything?

Huh? Where?

Feel.

In my pants?

Go ahead.

Does it feel like you love me?

It's wet now Oh god

Look at me

Tell me when you're going to come. I'm coming. Me too.

I like rubbing one out to kill a hangover.

Mind if I take a shower?

No. No, go ahead.

God.

Kurt, you join me?

Maybe the truth I don't remember very much about last night.

What else did I say?

About your wife?

You said there was a time when you two were really in love, but over the past

couple of years she's grown very cold and distant, and you feel as if she

doesn't love you anymore.

But there's nothing you can do about it except wait to see if she comes back to

you.

Sounds like something I would say.

Do you know what I think?

What?

I think that being with me is the best thing for your marriage.

I'm listening.

Well, if you make love with me, then you can go back home to your wife

and let her go a lot easier.

Because you'll know that you've done her wrong.

And that she deserves her freedom from me.

So if I make love to you, then it would be easier to give her her freedom.

She'll thank you.

Besides, I'm pretty sure she's already cheated on you.

I was thinking the same thing.

But what if I'm wrong?

What if I'm completely wrong?

What if she really does still love me and nothing is really wrong, but I'm

too close to the situation so I can't see it clearly for what it is?

We're just like that sometimes.

I

think

fate put us in this room together.

And this is meant to happen, you and I.

So there must be a reason why.

And the reason is to make it easier to let Diane go.

Bill, do you love her?

Yes.

Then let her go.

Dear Bill, just wanted you to know I had a great time with you and it was really

fun getting to know you.

I'm sorry to leave you with this note, but I hate goodbyes.

Anyway, good luck to you. I truly hope everything works out back home and that

you find someone who loves you as much as you deserve.

You have a lovely heart.

All the best, your friend, Carmen.

Carmen?

Carmen?

Eo.

Goodbye,

Eo Marco.

Go away.

You forget.

I have a key.

Who was that guy?

Who was he? What are you guys...

Like cahoots or something? You're a couple of scam artists?

Is that the deal? What, does he let you into rich people's rooms and you, like,

rip them off? Is that what you guys do?

So who the hell was he? What, is he your boyfriend?

Is he your husband? Calm down.

I am calm.

This is calm for me.

I betrayed my wife for you.

You can at least tell me who he is.

He is my friend.

He worked for me.

No big deal.

Why are you kissing him? You don't own me!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

The purposes of this story... Will you tell me why you're kissing him?

I was kissing him goodbye.

He found a new job.

And... I found my true heart.

Wait a minute.

He worked for you?

Means he... This is my hotel. I own it.

You own it?

Then why did you pretend... I saw

you come in that night.

My name's Bill.

I have a reservation.

Good news, Clyde.

Cancellation. Thank you. Room three. Three. Three. Thank you.

Three.

So I followed you and waited until you were asleep.

I didn't mean to fall asleep there.

I just wanted a better look, and before I knew it, I passed out.

I felt comfortable in your presence.

Safe.

Strange, though.

You met me before you even knew it.

Look, I know this is all a little creepy, but... Oh, yeah.

I'm sorry.

I just thought you were special.

And I was a little drunk that night, too.

But if you owned a hotel and you saw a gorgeous woman, wouldn't you fantasize

about spying on her?

Of course, but there's laws.

Well, welcome to Europe.

I'm sorry if I creeped you out.

Why'd you lie about it being your room?

I got embarrassed when you woke up and saw me there.

I had to think of something quick.

You know how a little white lie can kind of be like a spider web?

Yeah. How it traps you.

Well, that's what it felt like.

But in a good way.

I just wanted to spend time with you.

Hmm? Bring you into my web.

What about all those other things you said?

Are those lies too?

No.

If I kiss you, will you promise me something?

Yes.

That you'll fall in love with me.

I can't.

Oh,

my God.

Oh, my God.

Goddamn. Oh, fuck. Shit.

Shit.

Yeah.

Fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Yes.

Oh, God.

Oh, shit.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, shit.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Thank you.

Oh.

You make me cum.

You can really make me fucking cum.

Oh, my God.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Goddamn.

Yeah, you guys have any rooms available

Welcome to Madrid.

Come home.